XXX

I manage to make something edible for dinner by boiling pasta and heating up some kind of sauce from a jar. I can't concentrate well enough to make anything else. I'm still sort of buzzing internally from the events of today. I'm –fied actually, you know horrified, terrified, electrified, glorified, satisfied, mortified, and gratified all at once.

I'm also worried that I'm identified but I'll deal with that later.

Despite all this, Charlie doesn't seem to notice anything.

I escape to my room after dinner. I try to do some homework but I really can't concentrate so I just do the essential stuff to get me through the next day and leave the rest. With some trepidation, I bring up the class Facebook page but apart from a get well wish posted by Lauren for Jessica to which I dutifully add another thumbs up, there isn't anything of note, not even Newton's dinner.

I end up looking at crap on the internet. Not even crap quizzes, this night I sink to the level of checking out fortune telling sites asking for a reading from the tarot cards and the I Ching on the question of "What will happen with Edward and me?" The tarot was puzzling; the card not shown but at the centre of the cross, representing the atmosphere surrounding the central issue was the Ace of Wands: The seed of a new venture - perhaps as yet unseen. An opportunity to be met with boldness, vigour, and enthusiasm. Okay, that seems reasonable and relevant but the thing standing in my way was The Empress: The essence of femininity and matriarchy. Huh? The one thing lacking around here would be the essence of femininity and matriarchy. Maybe Edward's mother doesn't want him to date? Maybe he has an Oedipus complex? My goal was Temperance: Calm and restraint. Self-control, patience and tact in handling situations which seemed like good advice, although it's a bit late for me to act with 'restraint'. The card at the bottom of the cross representing the foundation on which the situation is based was the Knight of Wands: The essence of fire, such as a great conflagration. One filled with vitality and passion for life. A sexy and exciting person, daring in their actions, cocky in their attitude, and utterly without fear. Yep, that sounds like Edward. The card at the left of the cross representing a passing influence or something to be released was the Page of Cups: An unexpected new relationship that is playful and spontaneous. Bummer, I need to let this go. On the other hand, the card at the right of the cross representing an approaching influence or something to be embraced was the Ace of Cups: The seed of a new relationship or spiritual journey - perhaps as yet unseen. Hmmm… is this about Edward or … don't tell me I'm going to fall for Mike Newton! A spiritual journey… oh no, devastated by Edward's rejection and rage when he finds out, I'm going to join a convent. The card at the base of the staff representing my role or attitude is the King of Swords: Perfect clarity of thought, directness of action, and eloquence of speech. Not really an accurate description of myself so far I have to admit, especially since I started consulting stupid fortune-telling methods online. Some other slightly confusing cards and then the card at the top of the staff representing the ultimate outcome should you continue on this course. The Ace of Pentacles: A new foundation from which to turn your dreams into reality.

Yes, all my dreams have been about Edward lately so that can only mean that somehow this disastrous mess that I have created will work out happily. Isn't that right?

Just to be sure, I check the I Ching as well. The hexagram is number 26, the Taming Power of the Great. Well, that's not me. However the situation is changing and Yin (the passive feminine force) is gaining ground. Go, Yin! The things most apparent are embodied by the upper trigram Mountain which represents stillness and obstruction. Crap. The things least apparent are embodied by the lower trigram Heaven which is transforming into fire. Overall, I think the tarot reading was better, so I'm going to go with it.

I'm daydreaming again while studying my biorhythms when I am startled by the 'ding' of a message.

It's a pm from Edward.

What? IT"S A PM FROM EDWARD!

With slightly shaky hands on the keys, I open the message and read breathlessly.

Hi Bella, thanks again for helping me today, I really appreciated it. Can I give you a lift to school tomorrow morning? I've been thinking about your suggestion and I want to discuss it with you a bit more. What time do you usually leave for school? E

Oh my God, call the paramedics, I could arrest any moment.

Edward wants to give me a lift to school. In his car, with him (presumably driving).

I try waiting a few minutes before replying but I find myself counting each second. Anyway, I've still got a facebook window open so he can see that I'm online. Imagine if he could see my current computer screens! Hastily I close down the tarot window, just in case.

Sure. Glad I could help. I usually leave about 8. B

The answer takes only seconds.

See you at 8. E

There goes any chance of me sleeping tonight.