Hello, my wonderful readers. This is MLH here. I have something important I want to share with anyone that is still reading. This is about my absence and the things that keep triggering my depression. Bear with me, this might take a moment.
I know that some of you may know this already, but for those who are unfamiliar, I posted my first story way back in November 2013. I had been reading fanfiction for nearly 10 years prior and wanted to try my hand at writing something of my own. To my surprise, people actually liked it and started requesting that I make the chapters longer. I was able to keep a steady schedule for a little over a month, until my older brother suddenly had a manic bipolar episode while we were celebrating New Year's. At the time, we didn't what we were dealing with, so it went untreated for a while. It got so bad that we had him committed. By Valentine's day it got better. He eventually got better after he was diagnosed and treated. This was an obvious trigger for me, but I still kept up with posting to keep myself busy.
Everything was going fine until May. On May 2nd 2014, my brother in law, whom I very close to, was killed in a car accident while trying to change a flat tire. He left behind a wife and 6 children. This was when I took my first hiatus. I was having crippling depressive episodes that kept me from, not only updating my story, but also living my life. It took me a couple of months, but I got back to it. Over the next year I would inconsistently post every 1 to 2 weeks, with a oneshot story in between, until I finished the story on the two year anniversary of Everything You Ever Wanted, which was November 22nd 2015.
I almost immediately began writing a new fic, I had nearly a dozen chapters written out, but then on December 18th 2015 my uncle, who had been battling cancer for a while, had died. His death was not a huge shock, but the fact that his siblings(my father's side of the family) did not treat his passing with the respect and dignity that it deserved. They chose to have him cremated without consulting with his children and the family has been at odds ever since. His death was sad for me, but what triggered my depression was the guilt I felt for being too busy to see him in his final days.
In January my sister posted my new story, even though I wanted to finish writing it first before posting, hoping that the response from the readers would make me feel better and get back to writing. It worked for a little while. On April 29th 2016, my grandfather on my mother's side, and also my last grandparent, passed away. This did not hurt me as much because he was in the sunset of his life. What did hurt me was my mother's reaction to this. She fell apart, believing that there was more she could have done for him, seeing as she is a nurse and he was living with her. Watching her lose it like that took me back to March 2006 when my father died and where my depression started. It hurts me so much to see her every day and know that she is still not the same.
With seeing both sides of my family scarred from the recent passing of their patriarchs, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to change the format of my story Chains of Yesterday. I wasn't happy with the story I was writing and needed to change it, but I needed to know to know if I did that would you all still read it. I reached out to one my original readers(you know who you are and I thank you so much!) for some advice and then decided to delete the story. I got so many of you asking me what happened to it, but I was nervous about telling them that I deleted it in order to rewrite it. A lot of time passes and I repost the story under the new title The Book of Bulma in September of 2017.
I tried to get back into the rhythm of posting but found it rather difficult after so long. Now a year has gone by since I reposted the story and 4 months have passed since I last updated and I want anyone who is still reading this to know that I am sorry. My life has been a mess the last few years, but I'm trying very hard to get back to the flow of things. A little more patience and I promise I will finish what I started.
Also, thank you Pete for messaging me about the hiatus and getting me back on track. -MLH!