Ch. 26

RPOV

Songs: Golden (Acoustic) by Becca Mancari, Feeling Ok by Best Coast

I waited for the nightmares from the hours before to rear their heads and ruin this moment, but they never did. Under Dimitri's touch, they melted away and I felt completely safe.

I had spent my entire life convincing myself I didn't need anyone to take care of me. With an absentee mother as my only family, and a responsibility to willingly lay down my life for my best friend, it was understandable that my needs would always come second—or not at all.

Somewhere along the way though, those needs began to manifest and take hold of me. I guess I was too naïve in the beginning to understand where those feelings could lead, but as my love continued to grow for Dimitri, so did that uncontrollable want and desire to put myself first. I thought by doing so, I had failed in my duty and sacrificed my best friend. She was gone, and I was here. It's not how things were supposed to be. I was the one who was supposed to die, and she was the one meant to live.

But when I felt her the other night, I sensed that residual life reaching out of her. Reaching towards me. I couldn't have found it without Dimitri, and I suddenly felt that need taking over again. It scared me how badly I wanted his love and terrified me even more how much I wanted to give him mine. No matter how much I trained or how strong I tried to be, his love was the only thing powerful enough to help me fulfill my duty and bring Lissa back. And if I was being honest with myself, it was the only thing that I had ever truly wanted for my own.

When I finally freed myself from the guilt and succumbed to that burning need within me, I felt like a piece of my soul that was shattered the day I lost Lissa was somehow being put back together. I realized that I hadn't just lost her that day, and in a way, I had lost Dimitri as well.

Protecting Lissa was my purpose in this world and I would do anything I could to make sure she was safe and with me again. My life was devoted to her and that was my choice, but Dimitri held a place in my heart that no one could ever have.

I had fallen asleep wrapped in his arms after the overwhelming feeling of completeness sent me over the edge. I woke to a faint smell of worn paperbacks and wondered how long he had waited in the library for me to return. I peeked open my eyes one at a time to see that my Russian god was still asleep. He looked completely at ease with the faintest hint of a smile sitting in place. I rested my chin on his chest and couldn't help but gaze at him; admiring the gorgeous curves of his face and his now loose hair falling delicately over his shoulders. The image of my hands tangled in it last night sent a shiver up my back and I bit my bottom lip to keep from making an uncontrollable sound.

"I can feel you staring, Roza." His eyes were still shut as the words slipped out of his soft lips that I now felt an urge to ravish.

"Well, it's not every day one gets to witness perfection, Comrade." That small smile grew and wanting to keep it there, I peppered small kisses across his chest.

"Mmm moya milaya," his thick accent languidly rolled out like velvet. I used to think the Russian language sounded harsh and always slightly menacing, but not when Dimitri spoke it. He had a way of sounding strong, yet sexy and melodious in his native tongue. I had to admit, it did things to me.

"What does that mean," I asked breathlessly.

"Hmm?" He finally opened his eyes, sleep still partially hooding them.

"What you said. What does it mean," I asked again, giving him a small smile as I stared into those beautiful brown orbs.

His expression quickly turned from sleepy to sheepish. "Guardian secret."

"Oh really?" I lifted my head off his chest and matched his teasing tone. He nodded, a sexy smile playing on his lips. "I'm sure I can find a way to get those secrets out of you." I pressed my chest tighter against his torso, giving him a spectacular view of my rack. He raised an eyebrow and bit the inside of his lip, but still refused to give anything up.

Fine. He wanted to play dirty? I practically invented it. I tossed my hair over my shoulder and snaked my hands up his arms to his chest, all the while slowly rolling my hips against his. He let out a soft groan that vibrated against my breasts. I leaned towards his neck and planted wet kisses up to his pulse point. Ready to deliver the winning blow, I nibbled on his earlobe and whispered against his tan skin, "Please, Dimitri. Tell me."

"Fuck, Roza," he raggedly huffed before flipping me over and ravaging my mouth. His tongue rolled across mine voraciously until he caught mine with his teeth and sucked on the end of it. A deep moan filled our mouths—I wasn't sure if it came from him or me—and he released his hold to look down at me. "I love it when you beg."

I smacked him on the shoulder and he let out a small laugh at my impatience, the lustful hunger still radiating from his eyes. "It can mean many things," he explained as he stroked my hair, his gaze following his fingers as they moved from my scalp to the loose ends. "But it most closely translates to 'my darling' in your language."

I was touched by his sweet term of endearment and couldn't help the faint blush that rose to my cheeks. I had always been self-assured, maybe even overly confident at times, but Dimitri had a way of making me feel humbled and shy just with a look. I don't know what it was about him, but he had an act for unnerving me in the best way. "Hmm, I could get used to that," I cooed. "And this," unwilling to let his sweetness completely overtake me, I moved my hands around his back and gripped his bare ass, flashing him a wicked smile.

His eyes widened at my brazen maneuver and he indulged in my teasing. "Roza, I am not just some piece of meat."

"Oh, but if you were, Comrade you would be prime grade." I wiggled my eyebrows at him and he let out a low chuckle as his head dropped in defeat. When he looked back up to me, I thought my heart might explode. He was completely unguarded with a relaxed smile plastered on his face, leaving himself open for only me to see. It was so rare that he showed his true emotions behind that mask he coveted, and I knew I was witnessing something infinitely precious. I reached my hand up to his cheek and stared deep into his eyes. "I love you, Dimitri."

Those eyes danced across my face, the early morning light bringing out tiny specs of amber mixed with the molten brown. "I'll never get tired of hearing that," he breathed out as he took my hand in his and kissed the tips of my fingers. His tenderness threatened to undo me once again as he slowly leaned down to bring his lips to mine. Unlike the one I woke up to, this kiss was soft and deep as the ocean, filled with every resplendent emotion you could imagine. Surging waves of heat crashed inside me. I felt like I would melt and drift away with the current if he wasn't holding on to me. My body reacted by molding itself to his, unable to have any part of me not within his grasp. If I was going to melt away, I wanted to melt into him.

His body pressed into mine, the weight of him simultaneously grounding me and making me feel lighter than air. Even though every part of us was connected and his lips were entangled in mine, I wanted to be closer. I needed to be closer.

So once again, I gave into that need as Dimitri Belikov made sweet love to me under the early morning sun.

\

After a much-needed shower, and several protests from my stomach, we headed downstairs to the kitchen in search of food. When we walked in, Christian was sitting alone at the breakfast bar with his hands tangled in his hair. He had been putting up a good front since we started this mission, but it was becoming more and more obvious how much everything was weighing on him now.

Dimitri and I shared a concerned look before walking over to greet him. Christian didn't even budge from that solemn position until I spoke out, only proving how lost in his thoughts he was. "Morning," his shoulders flinched and his hands dropped to the counter at the sound of my voice.

"Hey," he robotically replied without moving his gaze. It was understandable that the retelling of yesterday's events would set him on edge. Granted, I had to witness it in person where Chris was just getting the secondhand information, but this was all still so new to him. I had witnessed Lissa's cruelty through the bond several times now—don't get me wrong, I was nowhere near used to it and it still scared this shit out of me—but I had also seen a darker side of Lissa before.

Prior to leaving the academy the first time she had lost control of herself and wreaked havoc on a Moroi boy after she found him mistreating a human feeder. It had happened again with Jesse when she entered his mind and tortured him with frightening images through Spirit magic. I knew it was the darkness taking over and not really her, but it also prepared me for the gruesome truth that there was a dark side to her that no one really knew about. Christian had only seen the good. I had hoped to keep it that way, but if he wanted to help her heal, he would need to know the truths of what she had done. I only hoped he would still be able to see the good in her too.

I moved to sit by him but didn't press him to talk. "So, Comrade. What's for breakfast?" Dimitri tried, and failed, to repress a smirk as he reached into the fridge. I inconspicuously gazed at his backside as he rummaged through it, but was sorely disappointed to see what was in his hands when he turned around.

"I'm meeting Eddie in five for training," he said as he tossed me a yogurt and a banana. "So, quick breakfast it is." I let out an exaggerated grown and grimaced at the oddly shaped fruit in front of me. Dimitri's amused chuckle pulled Christian's droll stare up and I could see him glancing at us out of the corner of his eye.

"I'll see you in ten, Rose. Christian, you're welcome to join too," he added as he took a bite of an apple.

Christian sarcastically laughed with a, "Yeah. Sure."

Dimitri shrugged and tossed his apple core into the waste bin. He dusted off his hands while he walked over to me and wrapped one of them around the back of my neck, pulling me a tiny bit closer as he placed a small kiss on the top of my head. Before I could react he was already out the door, and I was left with a pale, gawking Moroi.

I opened my yogurt and avoided his bulging stare. I picked up a spoon and began to stir the creamy goo, looking anywhere but at him. After scooping up a spoonful and looking at it—twice—Christian finally blurted out, "Oh, c'mon we both know you're not going to eat that!"

I gave him a sidelong glance a focused back on the pink gunk in front of me. "Seriously? You'd rather put something relatively healthy in your mouth than acknowledge...that?!"

"What," I shrugged my shoulders at him noncommittally, finally meeting his dumbfounded stare.

"So you two," he pointed at me and then the door, "you're a thing now? I mean you're together?"

His tone wasn't necessarily accusatory or ill-natured in any way but looking at him and hearing those words aloud, my mood suddenly plummeted. I dropped the spoon back into the container and looked down at the counter. "I—I don't know."

"You don't know," his questioning voice lowered as he studied me.

I glanced at him sitting there and couldn't help but think how Lissa should be standing beside him. How she should be the one asking me about Dimitri. But she couldn't. And I didn't know for sure if she ever would.

"I mean, he's obviously crazy about you, we can all see it. And you care about him too. Right?"

"I love him." My face shot towards Chris', the words flying out of my mouth without even a second thought. He raised an eyebrow at me, ugh could everyone do that except me, obviously a little surprised by the finality in my tone.

It sounded so simple. We cared about each other. That should be enough. "But is that fair," I asked with uncertainty now.

The guilt must have been written all over my face because Christian seemed to sense exactly where my train of thought had gone and grew more somber.

"Rose, you're allowed to be happy." My brow scrunched and the usual dark thoughts started to creep their way in. I could feel myself about to argue and struggle to turn away from the same guilt-ridden pattern, but then, Christian did something unexpected. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, "It's what Lissa would want."

Somehow hearing those words come out of his mouth made more of an impact than the others who had been trying to tell me the same thing. He of all people would have every right to be furious with me. Here I was practically flaunting my love in front of him when his love was still trapped in a dark abyss. However, he knew Lissa—almost as well as I did—and he wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. He was reaffirming my deepest hopes and for once, I felt confident in the choice I had made.

I gave him a small smile and nodded my head in gratitude. He smiled back, then removed his hand and shook off the awkward moment we had suddenly found ourselves in.

"Dimitri's right," I stood from the counter and made my way towards the pantry. "You should come to the gym with us." I heard him scoff behind me as I grabbed one of the boxes of the French equivalent Pop-tarts they had stashed away.

"I'm serious. It would help you let off some steam. Besides, from what I saw the other day with you and Adrian, it looked like you could use a few pointers in combat."

"Bite me."

"Oooh, feisty are we?" I took a chomp of my pastry and smirked at him with a full mouth, knowing how much it bothered him. He shook his head, his face contorting somewhere between disgusted and insulted. "C'mon Sparky. You can watch me kick Eddie's ass. It will be cathartic. And I'm sure we can find something fireproof for you to try and burn." And with that, he was up and out the door with me.

\

"C'mon Belikov! Get her!"

"You got this Rose! Go for the balls!"

After a couple warm-up rounds, Eddie had convinced Dimitri and me to spar for our growing audience. Eva had finally risen in search for Christian, and Adrian soon after joined the fray. We had been sparring for almost 40 minutes and although we were drenched from the workout, we still managed to keep it light.

Our friends' shouts spurred us on and after Abe walked in, I could have sworn I heard him and Adrian placing bets. Dimitri reached for me and I deftly ducked below his grasp and slid myself through his legs so that I could hop up and jump onto his back. I heard one of them yell "nutmeg" at the maneuver as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Caught ya lookin'," I playfully whispered into his ear.

He gripped his hands around my forearms and flung me over his head, but before my butt could slam into the ground, I tucked and rolled to stand in front of him again. "Well, I couldn't help it. The view is pretty spectacular." He lifted his eyebrows suggestively and I couldn't help but smile at his flirtatious banter.

"Finish him!"

I saw Dimitri prepare for one of his signature moves and prepared myself to dart out of the way. Just as he launched his attack, I started to veer right, but after my first step my feet felt glued to the floor and I couldn't move. "What the—" before I could process what was happening, I looked up to see Dimitri barreling towards me. He pulled me into his bear-like clutch and tossed me to the ground, his hand hitting my chest and my back hitting the floor simultaneously, signaling my demise.

Our friends jumped up from the sidelines with a mix of cheers and groans. I looked over to them walking towards us and could see a sly smirk perched on Eva's face. "Hey! Unfair," I whined as Dimitri helped me up.

Eddie emerged beside me and with a deep Russian imitation, he said, "You must be prepared for anything, Rose." Dimitri rolled his eyes as I cracked up and fist-pounded Eddie for his impeccable impression.

I turned back to Dimitri and poked his chest. "Next time Belikov, your ass is mine." The look he gave me suggested that he took an alternative meaning to my faux-threat and my already red face started to heat up under his gaze.

Christian walked up with a huge grin on his face and Eva in tow with an equally mischievous look. "You're right, Rose. That was cathartic."

"Ha, ha, ha," I crooned, then pointed between him and Eva. "I take it the two of you were in on that together?"

"She didn't need much convincing," he shrugged.

"Besides," Eva added. "It gave me another brilliant idea."

"And what's that? Using your mind control games to send me off the top of the roof?"

She replied with a simple, "no," but the look she wore told me she was pocketing that idea for a rainy day. "I think I know of a way we can get the Princess to meet us."

"And," I probed. She paused dramatically and turned her focus to Adrian as he approached our group. We all followed her stare and his amused smile quickly faded to confusion.

"What," he took a step back, wary of all of our gazes pointed directly at him. "Don't tell me Belikov wants to challenge me next?"

"Hardly," Christian responded with an exaggerated eye roll.

Adrian expressed his gratitude and physically relaxed, but after Eva explained her "brilliant" idea he immediately tensed up again. "Never mind. I'll take my chances against Belikov instead."

A/N: Thank you to all the guest reviewers from the last chapter. Sorry I can't respond to you, but your kind words mean the world!

Bonus track: Never Be The Same by Camila Cabello. It is a Rose POV after all ;).