OOO

Yorkie is one of those guys who is completely friendly to everybody, like a puppy. This is definitely an advantage for him in trying to get contributions for the school paper but it's also sometimes a little painful to watch. Even when one of those complete assholes like Laurent or James are sneering directly in his face, he still keeps right on bouncing back, ready to lick their hands and beg for a pat on the head. I keep waiting for the day he flips out and starts yelling the abuse some of these guys deserve.

There's no desperate need to talk to him to confirm any particular alibi, but it's easier than tackling the problem of Victoria so I go along and ask him a few questions.

"How did the last layout day go? Great of course! Did you have something in the paper Edward?" Yorkie frowns and I deny it quietly. I haven't had something in the school paper for years. Emmett would laugh too hard. "Did you have enough people?" ask him a little guiltily. Yorkie just looks at me. "Are you volunteering for the paper?" he asks sounding incredulous. He's right to be surprised – I'd actually rather die than spend lunchtime with Yorkie and the spectacularly dull Forks High News but I mumble something about wanting to help out if I'm needed. "Actually we were a little short last time" he admits. "Bella always comes to layout day and she's great, she could organize the whole thing on her own if she had to" he confides and having spent a little time with her, I can imagine that she would be way better than Yorkie. "Yeah, so with Bella here, I really don't need anyone else". Something about the way he says this, some not really very subtle intimation of intimacy between Bella and this total clown makes me tense up until he looks disappointed and says "But actually she didn't show up this week so I was struggling a bit. She definitely knew about it too, because I reminded her that morning and she said that she would be there…" he trails off possibly realizing that he's just completely contradicted his previous assertion that 'Bella always comes to layouts'. I'm glad that Bella had something better to do but it's all distracting me from finding out who was there. I prompt him back to the topic and he finally admits that it was just him until he sent Angela a text and dragged her along. I pat him on the head for doing such a good job and ignore all his other attempts at conversation until he eventually melts away. So Angela is eliminated. I didn't really think it could be her. I hardly know her but she seems far too level-headed.

I walk off, still slightly annoyed at Yorkie's possessive attitude to my Watson. I hardly know Bella either really, but I can't help thinking that she deserves a better class of teenage stalker than Yorkie drooling openly over her to anyone who asks. Somewhat belatedly, I wonder if there is anyone who Bella likes. I dismiss the thought but it keeps seeping back at odd times during the morning.

There's nothing for it now but to try to hunt down Victoria.

By lunchtime, I am thoroughly sick of trying to find Victoria and I have a half-formed suspicion that she's actually left the school but no-one has noticed. I tracked down her supposed class straight after recess and waited by the door until the last possible moment but she never went past me. I was late to my class, so she must have been even later. I asked people afterwards whether she was in the class or not but no-one could give me a straight answer, some of them thought she was and others thought she wasn't.

I'm wandering along the corridor contemplating how I might find her when I spot Laurent's dreadlocks at a distance. It occurs to me in a flash of inspiration that he's my only hope here. He'd be the only person friendly enough with her to know her possible whereabouts and still reasonable enough to speak to me. James and Riley might also know but they will almost certainly be freakish about it. Nobody talks to those guys if they can help it.

I dash through the corridor and down the stairs and by leaping over the rail, I just manage to catch him.

"What do you want whitemeat?" he asks me challengingly.

Great start. Trying to ignore his obvious hostility, I ask him pleasantly enough if he might know where Victoria is. He just stares at me and doesn't respond.

"Don't you be hitting on Victoria man, not if you know what's good for you"

What the hell? "I'm not planning on hitting on Victoria" I say through gritted teeth. "I just want to ask her something. Do you know where she is?" He's silent and looks angry. It crosses my mind that interviewing Victoria is only going to be worse than this but that Laurent might help me avoid the necessity altogether. "Where does she go at lunchtime?" I ask him casually.

He stares back, inscrutable, for a few minutes and then says "Maybe I go with you and you might find her". There's no change in the expression on his face and he doesn't move. "That's great, thanks" I say but we're still not moving and I have a feeling that our deal isn't finished somehow. "Twenty bucks" he says. What? "For your safe conduct to Victoria. Twenty bucks. Otherwise you won't find her". This is all getting too weird but I can't back down now. I fish into my back pocket for my wallet wondering if I can bargain him down a bit. "Will you take ten?" I ask handing him a ten dollar bill which I luckily find in my wallet. I'm actually a bit short today so I wave it around and make it clear that I am not overflowing with cash. Laurent hesitates, but then pockets the money and nods. "Why not? Follow me" he says briefly and then he turns around and starts heading towards the stairs. Over the next few minutes he seems to be leading me aimlessly all over the school and I'm starting to wonder if he is leading me up the garden path for my $10.

"Hey, where are we going?" I ask him when we start going down the stairs after we just came up the stairs at the other end of the corridor. Laurent pauses long enough to give me a filthy look and says "Just covering our tracks. If anyone sees me with you they might talk about it. It's not like I enjoy your company and I think this is well known. On the other hand, if everyone saw us wandering around harmlessly, well there is no news."

He has a point I guess. I'm aware that people have been giving us odd looks. I just can't believe he's taking it this seriously. Then again, Victoria is scary. I remember when she threatened to bite the head off one of the mice we were keeping for biology. I really hope my mystery girl wasn't her. Really, how could it have been?

After what feels like an hour, trailing around behind Laurent all over the school, we come up to the top floor for the fourth time but this time it's empty. Laurent rushes me over to a door at the end of the corridor, brings out a key and shoves me through it.

We're in a makeshift storage area under the roof. There's a naked bulb strung over a wooden beam and there are squares of board across the rafters to walk on which doesn't feel too secure. There are a number of cardboard boxes piled up just next to the door but confusingly there are lengths of material hanging from the rafters under the tiles. They seem to be hanging randomly so that its like some sort of crazy maze in here. The place smells strongly of dust.

"Victoria?" calls Laurent softly. There's a rustle of fabric somewhere and then silence. "Laurent" comes a hissing whisper. "Who is that with you? What is he doing here?"

Laurent turns around to the left although how he could tell where the whisper was coming from I don't know. It seemed to be everywhere. "He just wants to ask you a question. He's harmless. Then he'll go. Right?" he adds the last, looking back at me and I nod enthusiastically. I can't wait to get out of this.

Again there's a silence and then a slight movement and I can see Victoria's head poke out from one of the drapes. She's holding the material around her slightly so all I can see by the distractingly pink light from the naked eco-bulb is her equally naked pink arm and disembodied head.

"You. What do you want?" she asks me.

Now it comes to it, this is going to sound as crazy as this whole situation. "I just wondered if you were around to see Jessica hit herself with the door yesterday at lunchtime?" I ask her, trying to put a good face on it. I just can't picture asking her if she kissed me in a cupboard yesterday.

She glares at me. Actually, although I wouldn't say that I'm scared I have to admit to feeling a bit intimidated.

"What are you saying? You think I broke that idiot bitch's nose?"

"No, no of course not!" I say hastily. "Look, er someone sort of played a trick on me yesterday lunchtime, and I'm just trying to find out who it was."

"What's that got to do with the bitch's nose?"

Well, there's a question you don't hear everyday. It's getting worse. I try again. "Well whoever played this joke, must have known about Jessica's accident so I thought I'd just ask you…" I don't know what to do here. She's glaring at me harder and not saying anything. It can't possibly have been her. I need to cut my losses and get out of here.

"Look, don't worry about it" I say, trying to placate her, raising my hands, palms out. "I can see it wasn't you. Sorry". I don't even know why I'm apologizing. I think I'm saying it to myself.

"What wasn't me? What are you accusing me of, asshat?"

Victoria comes out from behind the curtain as I turn to go and oh no, she's dressed in some kind of black, shiny PVC outfit with a dog collar round her neck and high stiletto boots. Oh my God, Victoria is the BDSM rep for Forks High. Help!

I'm trying to leave because I don't want any part of any of this when something hits my ear and stings a little. I jump and look round to see what it was. Oh my God, Victoria is holding some sort of small whip!

"That's for faking accusations against me" she hisses. "Now get out of here".

Only too glad to make my escape from whatever the hell is going on here I turn to the door where Laurent is leaning against the wall, looking at his phone. Asshole. Why the fuck did he bring me here?

The door opens unexpectedly just as I get near it and brings me face to face with James. That complete prick; I might have known that he would be involved in this deeply creepy situation.

"What the fuck are you doing here?' he demands angrily. Oh shit not again.

"Nothing" I tell him starting to get a bit angry myself. I don't want any part of this, I just want out.

"What the fuck is going on?" he asks again, blocking my way.

"This shithead wanted to know where I was yesterday. Accused me of messing with his girl, Jessica".

"No, no that's not it" I say hastily. "Look it was just a mistake, that's all".

"He's not with Jessica" says James unexpectedly. Does everyone in the school know everything about my relationship status? "What are you doing here? Don't tell me you want to try to take Mine?'

"Jesus no!' I say a little too quickly and then I look around at Victoria apologetically, after all, she's still holding the whip. "Not that you're not attractive you understand".

Whoops. James grabs me by the throat and slams me up against the wall next to the door. I was watching Victoria, and he caught me by surprise. "You forget about that. You're not man enough for her. Get me? She needs a man with a real cock not a whitebread pussy like you! Get the fuck away from her and stay away!"

At that he releases me and turns around. "And you baby, if you're running around on me, you know what I'm going to do to you."

Victoria comes forward and insinuates herself around the scumball, arms wrapped around his neck, leg on his hip, humping him. Then she slaps the whip against his backside. "And I'll do it right back baby" she says in a low voice which I guess is meant to sound seductive but just comes off as psychotic in my view. The new winners of the world's most revolting couple award start eating each other's faces off and Victoria says something like "let me see that big cock baby" and that's my cue to get out of here, pausing only to say "Thanks so much for that" as sarcastically as possible to Laurent. He doesn't even look up from his screen, merely wiggles his fingers at me. It seems that he's going to stay and watch. I grab for the door and make my escape. I don't know what is going to happen behind the door and I really don't want to. Just thinking about it makes me feel slightly sick.

Long absence; apologies as usual. We are crawling towards completion unfortunately Nanowrimo is pending. Will do my best.