Ch. 27
Eva POV
Songs: Space Oddity by David Bowie
For a grown man, Adrian sure could be a big baby when he wanted to be. "You saw what happened last time. I'm not doing that again!" After I told him about my plan, he bolted from the gym, forcing me and Rose to run after him. Drama queen.
"Just picture all the power and riches she probably offered you and succumb to it. It should be a lot easier giving in than fighting back," I argued as we stepped into his room. Adrian had said Vasilisa didn't give him an address or any means of contact, but it made me wonder how she expected him to accept her offer then. I wondered if there was another part of her compulsion that Adrian hadn't accessed yet since he had spent so much time fighting it.
"Oh and risk going crazy again? Sounds like a great idea. I'll jump right on that." His sarcasm rivaled even Christian's and I could see his hand ghosting over the place in his pocket that usually housed a box of cigarettes. He shook his hand away and gripped onto the arm of a nearby chair as he sat down. "Besides, that's not what she offered," he paused. "I mean, yeah she did, but that wasn't the winning grand prize."
"Well, what was," Rose pressed.
He looked at her slightly surprised for a moment, then nervously ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes as if he was either trying to remember, or mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say. "You, Rose. She offered me you."
"What? Offered me? What does that even—" and then the green light went off. Her face completely fell and she stared at Adrian wide-eyed.
"Don't look at me like that. I said no, okay?"
"Adrian. I—"
"Stop. I don't need to hear it. I know you love Belikov. Always have. But I can't just turn my feelings off like that," he enunciated with a snap of his fingers. So he was in love with her too?
Seriously, what is the deal with this girl? Does she have three tits or something?
"Hey!" I looked up to Rose and Adrian's pissed stares and realized I must have accidentally said that last thought out loud. Wups. "Uh, sorry," I looked down and took a step back to give them some space.
"Not that I'd need three tits anyways," Rose flicked her hair behind her shoulder and flashed me a saucy look.
"Not helping, Rose," Adrian groaned.
"Right. Sorry." She dropped her hands from her hips and moved to step towards Adrian, but I intercepted her before she could say anything else. "Well, whatever it is you just need to give in and see what happens when you are no longer fighting her. If it turns out to be a dead end, I'll intervene."
Adrian looked between our questioning faces then let out a long sigh. "I swear, you women are going to be the death of me someday."
"I have a feeling that's probably true," he frowned at my poorly timed joke, "but not today," I added. "Now, take off the charm and hand it to me. When you feel her pull, don't fight it. Let it take over and see where it leads you. I'll be on the edge of your thoughts in case you need help coming back, or don't remember what happened when we put the charm back on."
"Only a demented person can make something so crazy sound so easy." I smirked at the irony of Adrian's statement. He shook his shoulders and took in a couple deep breaths then moved his hand to the bracelet.
"Wait," Rose's voice caused him to pause. She reached out to him and placed her hand on his forearm, looking him deep in his emerald eyes. "Good luck." Rose gave his arm a tight squeeze then took position beside him. With that little boost of confidence the charm was off, and in my hand. As soon as it fell from his fingers I could see the dark cloud around him building. For a minute it just hovered there on the outskirts of his aura and I quietly pushed him forward. "Don't fight it." Adrian closed his eyes and scrunched his brows as he let the darkness overtake his aura. I decided it was a good a time as any to jump in with him, but was careful not to delve fully into his mind for fear of getting trapped in her compulsion with him.
I could see an image forming in his thoughts. It was foggy around the edges, like an old movie. A flash of dark hair whipped passed his vision, sharpening the scene. It was Rose. She was on a dancefloor in that red dress she had worn to the ball and was gesturing towards Adrian to come to her. I could feel in his mind he was teetering on the edge of accepting her hand or turning away, but he finally caved and swept her into his arms.
The whole scene looked so real, but there was something different about this Rose. Her eyes were too bright, her smile too big. The image looked and sounded like her, but something didn't quite compare. I could tell Adrian sensed the same thing but when this other Rose leaned in to kiss him, he accepted and pulled her closer to him. Feeling his overbearing joy and pain simultaneously rush in with that embrace, caused me to falter a little and for the first time ever...I felt bad for Adrian Ivashkov.
Suddenly, the darkness grew even more and the scene was transported into a dark study with blood red furniture. Adrian was sitting across from the Princess next to a low burning fire. A sickly-sweet smile crawled up her lips, reminding me of the same look she wore when she compelled that blonde Strigoi into the sunlight to meet his demise. "When the time comes and you have accepted my offer, you will remember this," she began. So I was right. There was another part of her compulsion that Adrian had yet to access.
"Yes," he responded robotically.
"When you are ready to bring Christian to me, I want to you call The Ivy in Paris and ask for Marceau. He will relay the information to me then will contact you again with details on where to meet. Do you understand?"
"Yes," his monotone accompanied a nod this time.
"Very good, Adrian. And I do hope you accept. It will make things so much easier for you." Her wicked grin grew wider and I could feel the darkness pulling Adrian in. A similar grin began to form on his face and I felt scared that maybe I had pushed him too much. Maybe we had gone too far. I was about to reach out to him with my own Spirit magic but could feel something blocking me. The image in front of us faded to pitch black and panic quickly began to set in as I scrambled for another way around the wall. If he was no longer fighting at all, I wasn't sure if the silver charm would work. I reached for it anyway, but before I could put it on his wrist he smacked my hand away and it tumbled across the floor.
I sucked in a small breath and my eyes went wide. "What is it? What's happening?" Rose's panicked voice wasn't helping ease my nerves and instead of answering her I diverted my focus back to Adrian's mind. It was still cased in darkness, but if I looked deep enough, I could see a small flicker of light. His Spirit. "Hold on to it," I tried to interpret to him, but my voice seemed to bounce off that invisible wall and back into my own head.
"Shit," I cursed out loud. I was about out of options and desperately wished Josette was there. She would know what to do. She would know how to help. I was on the verge of freaking out and was about to tell Rose to go to my room and grab every charm that Elara had made when suddenly I felt a jolt.
That small light inside of him began to grow. It was slow at first, almost like the beginning signs of the breaking dawn. Small rays of light peeking out in the distant night sky. But out of nowhere, those rays exploded into a mass of blinding beams, splitting the black abyss into a thousand pieces. I pulled myself out of his head and blinked away the bright spots from my vision. When I looked up at him, his aura was pulsing with a white glow, quickly banishing away the dark fog that had completely taken over only moments ago. His face was no longer strained and a serene calmness rested on his features. Within seconds the black intrusions were completely gone and Adrian let out a relieved breath.
He slowly opened his eyes and peered around for a second, taking in his surroundings. An instant later his face darted to me and with a stupefied look he said, "Did you see that?!"
I nodded my head and let out a small laugh at his excitement. I always knew that he wasn't living up to the full potential of his powers, but it seemed like he didn't actually believe that fact until now. Vasilisa's skills were some of the strongest I had ever seen and Adrian had managed to best her. He reached deep inside and pulled himself back all on his own. I had to admit, I was thoroughly impressed.
"I guess you didn't need my help after all," I stood up and patted him on the back. "Good job." He looked at me with that cocky grin of his and I quickly felt the urge to correct my compliment to keep his ego from outgrowing the room. "I mean, it looks like I'm not the only one who underestimated you."
My attempt failed and his smile grew even bigger. "Thanks, Red."
"Whatever," I shrugged noncommittally, but I couldn't help but feel a small sense of pride in him.
Rose knelt down in front of the chair so that they were face to face and Adrian tried to look away, but it was like he couldn't help his focus from being pulled to her. How did I not notice that before? She looked over his shoulder at me and quietly asked, "Can you give us a minute?"
I didn't need any other prompting. I clumsily walked around the edge of the other furniture and out the door as quickly as I could. That was one awkward conversation I most certainly did not want to be a part of.
I was in such a hurry that after I closed the door behind me I ran straight into a solid form. "Umph. Hey, watch it," I fussed. I straightened up to see Eddie and Christian hovering near the door. They must have been eavesdropping or waiting to hear the outcome.
"Sorry," Eddie whispered as his eyes flicked behind me.
"So..?" Chris looked at me expectantly.
He was practically bouncing on his feet. I knew if we failed, our options were slim and after his reaction to yesterday's events, disappointing him was the last thing I wanted to do. I grinned, happy to ease his worries and replied, "It worked."
RPOV
Songs: Call on Me by Big Brother & The Holding Company and Janis Joplin, Float on by Ben Lee, Stand By Me by Florence and The Machine, Headrest For My Soul by AWOLNATION
As soon as the door closed behind Eva, I could hear a hushed conversation outside but promptly ignored it. Adrian sat there awkwardly and for the first time, I had no idea what to say to him. He had become such an important person in my life, and I was terrified of losing him, but I also had to defend my love for Dimitri. I wasn't sure where to begin so I decided to go with bold.
"I'm sorry I've been such a dick, Adrian," he laughed at my brazen choice of words and I gave him a small smile before turning serious again. "Really, though. I think I always knew that there was more behind the light-hearted flirting, but I needed you so much I didn't want to accept it," I took a pause and hovered my hand over his, but thought better of it and moved it back down to my side. "Your friendship means the world to me, and it was selfish of me to string you along that way." Even though I had given him shit about it before, those check-in's through his spirit dreams got me through some of my hardest days. Even when I was practically catatonic, he was nothing shy of supportive.
"If it weren't for you, I would probably still be hole up in that pitch black room." I didn't want to think back to that time. A time when I had been weak. When I had shut out everyone that cared about me. But I needed Adrian to know I recognized exactly how much he had done for me.
Sensing my uneasiness, he reached for the hand I had moved earlier and held it in his. Even though I was supposed to be the one comforting him, there he was, finding ways to ease my nerves yet again. He really was a better man than anyone would ever give him credit for.
"Your happiness is what matters most, Rose and I know one day your friendship will be more than enough for me." He reached up his other hand and ran his thumb across my cheek so lightly, I thought I might have imagined his touch. The gesture brought me back to a moment in my room at St. Vlad's. I had seen a similar look back then too, but my stubborn guilt was there to shoo him away. Watching him now, I realized it would be so easy to fall in love with Adrian Ivashkov. Apart from his good looks and devil-may-care charm, he had seen me at my worst and constantly found ways to try and bring me back to my best. But a part of me knew it just wasn't the same.
My whole life I had always put someone else first. With Adrian, it would be the same way. After experiencing the feeling of someone putting me first, I never wanted to let that go. It took a long time for me to realize that not only was what Dimitri and I were feeling not wrong, but it was utterly and completely right. A life with Adrian would be fun, exciting, and glamorous. But being with Dimitri was like finally coming home. A place and a feeling I had never really had before him. I loved him with every part of my being, and I knew I could never feel that for my dear friend sitting across from me.
Sensing my train of thoughts he added, "Until then, there's always my dreams," he winked and brought his hand back down to his side.
He smiled one of those infamous self-assured smiles that only he could pull off that well, but I could still see a spec of sadness behind those deep green eyes. "I'm so sorry Adrian. Can you ever forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive Little Dhampir," he whispered as he pulled me in for a tight hug. I stayed in his embrace for a few more lingering moments and soaked up his assuring words. When he pulled away, he lightly gripped my shoulders and faced me head on. "Just promise me one thing."
I was hesitant to say yes but trusted him not to ask me something I would regret agreeing to, so I gave him a reluctant nod. "Maybe don't mention this to Belikov? It would be a lot harder to catch the next girl that comes around if he permanently fucks up my face."
Seriously? He just witnessed a Spirit induced compulsion that almost drove him permanently mad and was about to have to face evil-Lissa in person and was cool as a cucumber, but the thought of my boyfriend going into a jealous rage had him practically shaking in his boots. Only Adrian.
"It would be a travesty to commit damage to such beauty," I brought the back of my hand to my forehead and gave him my best Scarlett O'Hara impression, earning me an outright laugh.
"You stole the words right off my tongue, Little Dhampir."
\
Not long after Adrian made his call to Marceau, he received another one in return with details on when and where to meet. Apparently, the basement of the B&B had been converted into a hall that they sometimes used for conferences, meetings, and other boring human stuff. Lissa requested that Adrian bring Christian there tomorrow at midnight.
It sounded like some twisted Cinderella tale—where the Princess was a psychotic bitch and the Prince was coming in to literally set her world on fire.
We all gathered together in Abe's enormous room to fine tune the details and lay out our plan of action. Chris and Adrian would go in first under the illusion that Adrian had accepted Lissa's offer, giving the rest of us the chance to pick off any of her followers standing guard or at the ready as backup.
Once we were in, we would use a combination of the bond and Christian's fire magic to subdue her long enough for Eva to perform the restoration. After witnessing her shift in emotions the other night, we figured it would be the best way to get her to see reason and work with us rather than against us. I only hoped it would be enough. I preferred Adrian stay behind for this part in case things went south, but Eva assured us that he had already broken through Lissa's compulsion once and it would be beneficial to have someone with a level head down there. Adrian's reaction to someone describing him as level-headed gave us all a good laugh. Abe would be waiting outside with Pavel and a couple other Guardians from his personal guard in case back-up was needed. We figured the fewer people we had coming in, the less likely we were to raise suspicion. Not to mention, fewer people for Lissa to try and turn against us with her dark magic.
"There's one other tidbit I should probably address," I added. "Nikolai."
"Who the hell's Nikolai," Christian asked irritated.
"He's a Goliath-sized Strigoi that Lissa keeps around as her personal bodyguard. I've never seen one so huge, and he's skilled. Really skilled. I'm pretty sure he was a Guardian in his former life." Size was one thing—an intimidation tactic at best—but after seeing how fast he moved against Nathan in the Dragomir's office, I knew he would be trouble.
"She'll most likely keep him close, so a surprise attack on him won't be an option. We just have to be prepared to go up against him." Dimitri and Eddie nodded, and I could tell different scenarios were rotating through their thoughts.
After drilling through the ins and outs of the plan about a hundred times, thanks to Dimitri's 'you can never be too prepared' philosophy, we were about spent.
"Well, I think that is enough for one day," Abe jumped in, earning sighs of relief from half the room. "I have had Louise prepare a feast of sorts for tonight. Seeing as it may well be the last time we are all here together, I thought it only fitting to try and enjoy each other's company." As if on cue, my stomach grumbled loudly announcing my acceptance of his offer without my consent.
Shortly after, we convened in one of the hotel's lavish dining rooms. Abe wasn't kidding when he said feast. The table was full of rich, decadent cuisines from all over the world. It was like taking a European food tour—my favorite kind. I have to admit, after everything that had happened and what we were about to face it was just what we needed.
Abe shared stories about some of his more humorous dealings throughout the years, peaking Adrian's interest the most. The conversation sparked some memories of trouble we had gotten ourselves into in the past and we all took turns sharing light-hearted anecdotes from our most brazen moments. I told the group about the time Christian set a Royal Moroi on fire in class, which spurred Eddie to tell everyone about the time I broke Dean's nose and kicked him square in the balls for grabbing my ass in the 9th grade.
"He couldn't walk straight for a week," Eddie sputtered out, tears from laughing so hard forming at the corners of his squinted eyes.
"That doesn't surprise me in the least," Abe chuckled, casting me a knowing look. "And what about you, Belikov? I'm sure someone as serious as you got into at least one shenanigan back in your adolescent days."
I half expected Dimitri to roll his eyes and brush off the serpent's comment—picturing him getting into any sort of trouble seemed to go against nature—so imagine my astonishment when he grinned and began to recount a moment from his past.
"Maybe not as much as Rose," I smiled at his playful tone, "but Ivan did have an act for dragging me into some of his more creative antics." We all perked up like kids around a campfire about to hear a thrilling ghost story.
I became entranced by the way he spoke. Not because of the humorous, out of character story he was telling but because of the way his features lit up as he reminisced about his best friend. It was similar to the look he wore in that photo sitting in his bedroom back home. He was carefree and unguarded. It made me realize that although I had always seen him as someone older and wiser, he was still relatively young. Too young to have seen so much death. But I guess that was quickly becoming true for the rest of us as well. Seeing Dimitri reveal a side of him that he normally kept hidden away filled me with pure joy, and I suddenly wanted to wrap my arms around him and live in that smile.
Gusts of laughter erupted around us, bringing me out of my trance. Adrian smacked him on the back and said, "Damn, Belikov. I didn't know you had it in you. You may even rival some of my best days in Academy life."
Dimitri lifted his cup to his mouth to suppress his growing grin. "I highly doubt that Lord Ivashkov," he said into the glass.
"That's probably true," Adrian declared to the room. Then, to my surprise, he leaned closer to Dimitri and quietly said, "You know you can call me Adrian, right? That Lord and Lady bullshit is just for egotistical twats at court. Not when amongst friends."
Dimitri gave him a curious look, unsure what to make of that statement, and nodded to oblige. I gave Adrian a grateful smile when he turned to engage in the conversation again and wrapped my hand in Dimitri's as he rested them on his lap.
When it seemed the night was coming to an end, Abe stood from his chair and held a glass in the air. "A toast," he announced. "To the Princess Vasilisa Dragomir." I thought about how irked she would have been by not only the direct attention on her but the mention of her proper name as well. "A wise man once said that the true measure of a person is by the company that they keep. Although I have never met the fair lady before, I think it's safe to say she can be counted as one of the best of us. The Princess is amongst the luckiest to have earned friendship from each of you."
I looked around the table to each member of our misfit brigade as the truth of Abe's words hung in the air. I always felt like I was the lucky one to know her. Hell, I wouldn't even be alive without Lissa. But as I studied each of their faces, understanding their dedication and love for our dear friend—well, I guess Lissa was pretty lucky too.
"I wish you the best of luck tomorrow, and will be waiting on the other side to welcome you on your triumph." Abe lifted his glass and we responded in kind.
"Here, here," Eddie cheered as he and Adrian clinked glasses. Chris cast a serious look in my direction, and I was reminded of the conversation we had before leaving the Academy. He made me promise that if it came down to one of us or Lissa, I wouldn't hesitate to take her out. Now that we were so close and actually had a legitimate way to bring her back—rather than just tall tales and theories—I wasn't sure if I could do it. Granted, I had never seen Eva restore someone back to their original state, but I deduced that she wouldn't be on this suicidal mission if she couldn't actually do it. There was no gain for her to lie.
Christian's eyes flicked to our friends around us, and I could tell his thoughts were mirroring my own. But before he could say anything to me, Abe grabbed my attention. "Rose, might I have a quick word with you?"
Still lost in my own thoughts I automatically nodded my head 'yes' as the others began heading out of the room. I habitually started twirling the Nazaar around my neck as I stared off into space. I heard muffled words aimed in my direction and looked up to see Abe staring blankly at me. "What? I'm sorry, I—I was distracted," I said as I shook my head to clear it and dropped my hand from the necklace.
"That's exactly my point, Rosemarie. Your distraction could cost you your life. I know Guardian Belikov has done a great deal for you, but do you really think starting up a relationship with the man is the best thing for you right now?" His tone was unrecognizable and to be honest, extremely annoying.
"Ugh don't call me that! Only my mother does, and let me tell you—it's not when she's trying to be affectionate," I stood up from my chair so that he was no longer hovering above me. "And who says it's any of your business what relationship I'm in? Dimitri isn't distracting me. He's helping me. More than anyone ever has in my entire life, and I refuse to let some mobster try and demean that."
Although my words weren't particularly harsh—well, compared to some of the other choices I considered—that last bit seemed to sting him a little more than I would have expected. His eyes flitted to the Nazaar around my throat before he let out a long sigh and deflated a little. "I'm not saying it is my business. I just want to make sure you are fully prepared and will be safe tomorrow." The obvious concern in his tone threw me for a loop. Why did this guy give a shit what happened to me?
"I'll be fine," I replied with inherent finality so he wouldn't mistake my words as a cover up for jittered nerves. "I'm ready to do what I have to. And I'll only be stronger with Dimitri by my side."
Abe slowly nodded, the serious look returning to his brow. "Well, then. You should probably get some rest, little girl. Big day tomorrow." And with that, he moved past me and headed out of the room, leaving me confused as all hell.
I pushed out a frustrated huff and shoved through the door to the hall. To my delight, there was another person waiting to talk to me.
"What was that about," Christian asked, as he slid himself off the nearby wall and fell in step with me.
"Nothing. Just the ravings of a crazy old man," I rolled my eyes, not wanting to get into that weird conversation that had just transpired.
Christian took the hint and didn't press me for more as we walked up the stairs. "Look, I'll make this quick. I wanted to make sure that promise you made still stands."
Apparently, my feelings from the dinner table were spot on, but I had secretly hoped they were anything but. "Chris. I—"
"No, Rose," he interrupted in a hushed tone. "Don't give me that. We both agreed that's what needed to be done. Just because Eva is here, doesn't mean you can back out now. Didn't you hear what Abe said in there?"
My thoughts from earlier somehow found a way to creep back in, and I couldn't help thinking about what I would do if I was forced to choose between this version of Lissa and Eddie, or Adrian, or Christian...or Dimitri. My silence must have come off as hesitation, so he continued.
"You yourself have seen her this way. We can't let her continue on like this. Besides, if Eva did manage to bring her back and she had hurt one of us, do you honestly think she would ever be able to forgive herself? The guilt would drive her mad!" I could tell each word out of his mouth was like a dagger into his chest. He didn't want to say these things, but he knew he had to. He knew it's what Lissa would want.
"I know Christian. You're right, I have seen her this way but I've also felt her. The real her. She's in there!" I paused for a moment to look around the hall and make sure my rising whispers weren't being overheard. "Are you saying if our roles were reversed, you could do the same thing?"
He looked at me head on, as still as a statue. I waited for what seemed like forever for him to finally respond. "No. I couldn't," he finally let out. "But you are stronger than me. You're the strongest person I know. That's why it has to be you."
"Well, that hardly seems fair," I crossed my arms over my chest and stared pointedly at him.
"Life isn't fair, Hathaway. Hasn't anyone ever told you that before?" Christian moved to walk by me, but paused to put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a small, reassuring tap before he disappeared to his room.
It baffled me how just hours ago I felt completely confident in tomorrow's events, but now I felt like inch by inch someone was pulling at an imaginary thread behind me until I would completely unravel.
When I got to my room, I gripped the cold brass doorknob but paused before turning it. I tried to tell myself I wasn't this needy girl and could figure this out on my own. I could go straight in and think this through without anyone's help, just like I always had. But I realized it wasn't the fact that I needed him, it was that I wanted him. I wanted to share my concerns and listen to what he had to say in return—and somehow that meant so much more.
So I released my hold on the door and walked straight to Dimitri's room.
When I came in, I could hear the faint sounds of water dripping and could see steam rising through a beam of light under the bathroom door. As if being drawn to him I instinctively moved towards it, removing pieces of my clothing with each step. I entered the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind me and pulled open the curtain. Dimitri was facing away, his hands running through his wet hair causing water droplets to cascade down his bare back. I followed the path of one of the drips as it made its way across his tanned skin all the way to the base of his arch. My eyes moved back up as he turned around to face me.
Most guys would probably have given a saucy remark at the sight of a naked girl standing before them in the shower, but without a second glance, Dimitri could read every emotion that was storming inside me. He reached out to me and I carefully stepped in with him. A warm cloud of steam immediately surrounded me, and I reveled in his wet touch as his fingertips slowly moved up and down my arms. I could tell he wanted to ask me if I was okay, but he also knew that I wasn't. So instead, he leaned forward and brought his lips to mine.
I sank into his kiss and pulled him closer to me. His arms responded by immediately wrapping around me like a comforting cocoon and I let out a small hum against his lips. I allowed the smell of Dimitri's soap and the feel of his dripping wet skin take over my senses as I clutched his shoulders and deepened his kiss. I just wanted to forget the world, if only for this small moment. A few water drops fell from his hair down to my cheeks and I leaned my head back, the feeling of them slowly gliding across my face mirroring Dimitri's mouth on my neck.
I weaved my hands up the back of his neck and through his hair, causing a small moan to resound from Dimitri's tongue to my pulse point. I gripped a little tighter as my fingers continued to tangle in their silky hold, sending him into a frenzy.
He gripped his hands around my thighs and pulled me up against him as I simultaneously yanked his mouth back to mine. With one swift turn, my back pressed against the cool tile while the hot water gently sprayed onto my side. The mixture of sensations sent tingles across my skin, eliciting an exquisite shiver that caused Dimitri to pull away. As he looked at me I felt I could get lost in those deep brown eyes, and suddenly wanted nothing more. He pressed his forehead to mine and wrapped one of his arms around my lower back to hold me up, the other deftly finding my hand. He entwined his fingers with mine before pressing them against the wall next to my head. He looked over at our hands for a moment, admiring the shape of them woven together as the warm water bounced off of them, before turning his gaze back to me.
That look held enough love to fill the depths of the ocean, and I wondered how I had gotten so lucky as to deserve his unyielding affection. I closed my eyes and imagined myself diving into that endless sea and swimming in it forever, even if forever was just tonight.
I felt the moment our bodies no longer belonged to ourselves—but to each other. His to me and mine to him. The thrum of his heartbeat banged against mine, his pulse pumping faster and harder the more we moved together.
With each beat that unraveling thread that had threatened to undo me reeled back in and pulled me together again to the point that I felt the tightening spindle inside me was on the brink of combustion. The feeling became so intense it was impossible to muffle my cries. Dimitri's name flung from my lips like it was my ultimate salvation and echoed off the tiled walls as I slowly began to come down from my high.
\
I laid in Dimitri's bed facing him as his hand traced small circles on my bare shoulder. We still had yet to say a word to each other, both of us contented to stay in this moment for just a bit longer. But I knew once one of us broke the peaceful silence, more serious topics would need to be discussed. The thought of it caused my face to fall, and Dimitri finally caved.
"Talk to me, Roza." It was more of a request than a demand. I looked into his brown eyes and soaked up their warmth for one last lingering moment before I unleashed my burdens.
"Everything's happening tomorrow. I've waited so long to get to this point, and now that it's here, I don't know if I'm ready." He studied me, taking in my words, but waited for me to continue before speaking again. "It's all laid out, waiting for me to just jump in and take it. But if things even go the slightest bit wrong, I may be forced to make a decision that goes against everything I believe. Everything I've ever known."
"You mean, 'they come first'" he quietly asked. I nodded meekly, my old mantra echoing in the back of my mind.
"Lissa has always come first, even after she was taken. But now, after seeing her like this," I gulped down the lump forming in my throat, trying my best to keep my composure. "The other day, when I finally saw her in person it was like for a split second she was here. She looked the same, sounded the same—but what she did to Nathan," Dimitri's hand slid across the sheets and wrapped itself around mine, banishing that gruesome image and giving me the strength I needed to push forward. "She's a monster. She's not her, and I know that now. But how can I betray her when she needs me the most. Even if she ends up doing something unforgivable?"
I took in a deep breath and held it for a moment, feeling the full weight of Christian's request. "If it comes down to her or one of us, how do I know who to put first?"
"You don't have to choose Rose," his response was immediate, as if he had anticipated my thoughts before they seeped out. "You're not alone in this. We are all here to stand beside you and make sure she comes back." His words gave me the tiniest bit of relief. I needed to hear that more than I realized. However, Christian's dark conversation was still nagging deep in my gut.
"But there's always a chance that the moment will arise where it's kill or be killed. You know this just as well as I do," his expression turned somber and I knew he was trying to hide the despondence that always accompanied the memories engrained into the backs of our necks. "What if I'm not strong enough," my fears finally manifested. "What if when the time comes, I hesitate?"
It had happened once before. When Natalie, one of my oldest friends, had turned her back on life and fell into temptation's evil clutches. I had an opportunity to end her but faltered with just one glance. That hesitation nearly cost me my life. What if this time it cost someone else theirs?
"The moment is all there is," Dimitri's deep voice pulled my eyes back up to his. "When the time comes you have to believe the answer will be there. Let go of the expectations and trust your instincts." His hand moved to my arm and gave it a tight squeeze. His serious note brought me back to our days as peer and mentor and I listened intently to his advice. "Utilize your training, yes, but don't discount your gut feeling. Trust yourself in that moment to do the right thing, just as I trust you now." The grip on my arm loosened and he carefully brought his hand up to brush a piece of my damp hair behind my ear. It lingered there for a moment, twirling my loose strands around his fingers.
Hearing that he had so much trust in me filled me with a gust of confidence and pride. I didn't often doubt my skills, but I had also never imagined going up against an enemy like this. One I was adamantly trying to save, but might still be forced to kill in the end. Hearing Dimitri reaffirm that I could face my fears and come out the other side, made me truly believe that I could.
Tomorrow we would be going into battle, neither of us certain what the results would be. But tonight, it was just us, and I wanted to savor these last peaceful hours with my Russian god.
When his hand stilled in my hair, I flashed him a playful smirk and said, "You and your Zen life lessons."
He indulged in my lighter mood and let out a small sigh. "I don't know why I even bother with them since you seem completely resistant to follow," he wrapped his arms around me and pulled my body up onto his chest, causing me to giggle.
"I wouldn't be me if I did, Comrade," I chided.
He stroked my face and revealed one of his soft smiles reserved just for me. "I love you, Roza."
I basked in his words, not caring about the choices I would have to make tomorrow because without even knowing it, the choice had already been made for me. "I love you too Dimitri."
A/N: Sorry for posting a couple days late, I got a little ahead of myself and started writing next week's chapter before this one was done—putting me behind. BUT I added something 'steamy' in there that I hadn't originally planned on to (hopefully) make up for it. There are also some hidden lyrics to one of the songs I'm really into right now. If you can point one out, then I may be inclined to send you a little somethin' somethin' from next chapter ;). Thanks for reading!