Chapter 2: For the Dreams
It's strange for Haruka to sign Makoto as his personal coach and embark on a work relationship with him. Naturally, they keep their romantic involvement a secret - even from their close relatives, although Haruka thinks at least Makoto's parents have their suspicions. As far as their close circle knows, they are only childhood friends who share an apartment.
At the beginning, Haruka is nervous how to act around Makoto, and Makoto is nervous someone might find out their secret, but they adjust quickly and for the most part keep their coach-swimmer relationship professional.
The summer two years before the Olympics is busy for both Haruka and Makoto. Makoto juggles between preparing his students for the national tournament and learning as he goes to train an Olympic swimmer.
Rin, who finally makes the cut in the butterfly stroke, joins Haruka in Japan's medley relay squad. Still unable to prove himself as a worthy rival for Haruka, despite nearly making the strict Japanese cut for the 50 meter freestyle, Rin is satisfied to join Haruka as a teammate.
It feels strange for Haruka to train with Rin again for a relay about 10 years after their relay in sixth grade. Although he doesn't feel as strong as Rin about times and competitions, in the past 4 years he's grown accustomed to racing against Rin. Having a rival is perhaps tiresome, but Haruka can't deny it helps him improve his weaknesses, particularly at sprinting through the 50 meter race, where Rin is constantly at his heels and occasionally defeats him.
There is a down side to having Rin around when Haruka is finally able to bring Makoto to training camps with him. It forces them to keep the friends only facade even during their free time. Eventually Rin finds out, when he comes to Makoto's room to look for Haruka. Makoto tries to keep him out to no avail. After his initial shock Rin calms down and Makoto, still too embarrassed and flustered, stops apologizing. Haruka, wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, calmly puts on Makoto's large T-shirt and sits down on Makoto's bed.
"Since when are you dating?" Rin wants to know.
Haruka and Makoto exchange looks. Even Haruka can't think of the answer. They weren't exactly dating. They were just together. They've never told anyone about it, so he's not sure what words to use.
"We're not exactly dating," Makoto speaks Haruka's mind, also unable to explain. "We're just together? I guess?" He chuckles nervously.
"Like you only have sex?" Rin asks and makes a face. "Ugh, don't tell me, I don't want to know!"
"No," Makoto protests. "I love Haru."
Haruka furrows his brow, he hates Makoto making it sound one sided. He quietly lets out, "I love Makoto from long before."
"I love Haru from before that," Makoto replies and Haruka opens his mouth to retaliate.
"Okay, I get it, I get it... Geez, you two..." Rin puts his face in his palm. "I don't know why I didn't realize this before... It's so obvious now..." He glances up at Makoto. "You always seemed like Haru's wife... Even in elementary school."
Makoto scratches his cheek, looking coy. "Well, we got together later... Middle school was it? Our first kiss..."
"First kiss was kindergarten," Haruka interrupts, blushing as well.
Rin shakes his head and slaps a hand to his forehead again. "That can't possibly count, geez. I mean, I really don't want to hear..."
Makoto chuckles nervously. "It's weird actually telling it to someone..."
Rin blinks at him. "You mean no one knows?"
Makoto shakes his head and Haruka looks down. He feels guilty. Since his grandmother passed away he wasn't particularly close to his family, but Makoto grew up with a tight family unit. He didn't care what his own parents would say, but he could lose sleep worrying about how Makoto's family would react if they found out.
"You should at least tell your family?" Rin looks at Makoto. "It must be hard to keep such an important secret-"
"No!" Makoto interrupts him sharply. "We can't. And Rin, please keep it a secret too." His polite request with the unusual assertive tone makes it sound like a command.
"Makoto..." Rin starts in confusion.
"Until Haru retires, no one must find out. Not even my family." Makoto leaves no room for discussion. Haruka is also surprised. They had never talked about it, but he was always afraid their parents wouldn't understand their relationship. It never occurred to him Makoto had other concerns in keeping it a secret.
It's ironic. Haruka had thought of every worst case scenario from Makoto's parents banning him from seeing Makoto to disowning their son, but never has he even considered the implications on his own career and future, while Makoto was thinking the exact opposite and put Haruka's future as his top priority.
It was too much.
He laughed.
"You know," Makoto says after Rin leaves, sitting down next to Haruka on the bed. "I'm kind of glad Rin found out."
Haruka nods. It's a huge relief that Rin seems completely okay with their relationship. Perhaps one day they could tell everyone, and hopefully they'll be as accepting. He would still have to apologize to Makoto's parents.
Without warning Makoto reaches out and pulls Haruka into his lap. He runs his fingers over Haruka's cheek and the side of his neck.
"My parents would definitely be happy to know their son is in such good hands. They love you, Haru-chan." He kisses Haruka's ear.
"Drop the -chan already..." Haruka mutters and turns around, shoving Makoto down on the mattress. They continue what Rin had interrupted.
With the school year over, Makoto leaves the middle school and becomes Haruka's trainer full time. Haruka still feels guilty. Even though Makoto assures him again it's what he wants, Haruka promises himself it's only temporary and he will set Makoto free to pursue his own dream eventually.
Meanwhile he's reaching new heights under Makoto's guidance. Makoto forces him to do more land training and develop his muscles - he also stresses on balancing Haruka's diet and makes sure he takes the time to rest well. The physical and mental strengthening shows merit. Setting records in Japan, Haruka keeps himself a household name in his country and even the world follows his development in both curiosity and anticipation for the coming Olympics.
At the world championship in South Korea, the summer of 2019, Rin and Haruka's relay squad qualify for the Olympics, taking third place and the bronze. Haruka gets another gold for the freestyle 100 meter and two more silver medals. His times for the other events significantly improve as well and for the first time he will be representing Japan in every freestyle event at the Olympics in Tokyo.
When the sports reporters attempt to interview him, Haruka turns his head to Makoto and his coach doesn't fail to relay what's on Haruka's mind.
He just nods and mumbles a small agreement. Makoto becoming his voice again is comfortable for him.
As Japan's Olympic preparations go into full swing, Rin and Haruka become a sort of superstars in their homeland. Although pushed by his agent, Haruka still shies away from all the media exposure. Rin, on the other hand, takes it all in a storm, appearing on variety shows and modeling in ads. When he blurts on TV that Haruka is his rival and also childhood friend along with Makoto, the media are all over the story.
With Makoto pushed in front of the spotlight, Haruka decides he has no choice but draw more attention to himself and his career. He signs a contract with the sports brand Ties, and becomes their face. That year Haruka and Makoto earn enough to move to a new apartment, choosing an upscale area with more privacy. There's even a private gym and pool in the building, but when they are home training or swimming is far from their minds.
The Olympics feel different this time. Maybe it's because it's not his first time marching into the Olympic stadium for the ceremony, maybe because he's moved to front of the delegation, or maybe it's because Rin is marching with him, but Haruka feels more comfortable and less dazzled by all the hype and the flashy ceremony.
With the ceremony over, Haruka and Makoto are ready to take on all eight events he's participating in. Haruka is happy to have his family and friends sit in their reserved seats where he can easily spot them. The twins, now teens, hold up signs to support him, joined by Nagisa and Rei. They wave at him when they notice his gaze. He puts his goggles over his eyes, smiles softly and takes his mark. The cool water is biting at his skin. He can feel the presence of the world's greatest freestyle swimmers at both his sides, but he's not intimated; he's empowered. With his friends in his heart and the tamed water wrapped softly around him as he cuts through with his arms, Haruka has no limit and no foe. Despite his great form, the freestyle relays don't leave Japan with a medal. Haruka makes it to the final in 1500 meters and nearly grabs a bronze, but makes up for that with silver in 400 and 200 meters. Standing up to everyone's expectations, he defends his world champion title and gets his first Olympic gold medal in 100 meter. On the podium when the sound system blurs out Japan's somber anthem, Haruka spots Makoto in the corner of his eyes. Smiling inside, Haruka raises his head high as he straightens solemnly while the anthem continues to play.
"It's heavy," he mumbles quietly at the surprised photographers as he puts the first Olympic gold around Makoto's neck. The coach chuckles and quietly zips up Haruka's jersey. The cameras resume their flashes yet Haruka feels light, almost relaxed, standing next to his coach for a quick interview. However, there's no time to rest with the 50m race and medley relay still in front of his eyes.
The next day Haruka makes history yet again for Japan as he takes the gold for the freestyle 50 meter race. Known in Japan for years as "Iruka ouji" - the dolphin prince, the global media crown him as the indisputable king of freestyle swimming.
"Dolphin prince, such a stupid name," Rin scoffs when he meets Haruka again, preparing for the medley relay heats. "Good job, Haru." He slaps a hand over Haruka's shoulder dragging him along for the warmups. Makoto wraps up the interview and joins them as one of the assistant coaches for the relay.
With Nagisa and Rei rooting for them in the front vip seats, Haruka can't feel more complete. There were many people in and out of his life leaving their impact, their faces flash in front of his eyes- Nao-senpai, Natsuya and Ikuya, Asahi, Sousuke, Yazaki's older brother Shouta, even Kisumi, they're all a part of him, but not as much as the team they created in high school that made it all the way to the nationals in their first and last eternal summer. He doesn't see or speak to Nagisa and Rei as frequently as he would've liked, now that they're all adults and walking different paths in life, but they're his spiritual guides and supporters since the beginning and they're with him when he swims.
The backstroke and breaststroke swimmers on their team are good, but not good enough to take a lead against the strong teams at the central lanes. Haruka's heart beating fast, his win at the 50 meter, just a hair ahead of the second place, feels so distant like it happened in a different life. Rin fidgets at his side, getting ready for his turn, snaps back his goggles and dives as soon as their teammate touches the wall. Haruka gets ready, but watching Rin racing is distracting. Rin's always been a fast starter, but he cuts through the water with his arms and shoulders fast and furious, not skipping like a butterfly but a shark zooming in on his prey. He closes the gap and puts their team in the front line again, just like he did during the heats. Haruka prepares and then dives over Rin's head as soon as the redhead touches the wall.
"Go, Haru!" Both Rin and Makoto shout behind him.
The water welcomes him in like an old friend. They carry him forward smoothly and the presence of his friends balances the enormous pressure he feels from the competitors. Just like that time he saw the sight, he can see them swimming with him - Rei and Nagisa with their energetic support, Rin with his cocky grin motioning with his arm to follow along. Haruka follows him, then stops and looks at his other side. Makoto is there, smiling - just like then, it feels like he lights up the darkness of the water. He reaches out a hand and Haruka takes it, entwining his fingers. Makoto's light makes Haruka comfortable; it fills his heart with resilience. Haruka is the one advancing, but they go forward together, like always.
Haruka reaches out as far as he can to touch the wall and quickly turns around, tearing the goggles and cap from his head and as he looks for the scoreboard, as do the other swimmers at his side.
When he sees the number next to Japan on the electronic board all the air leaves his lungs. They did it. They really did it - his friends and family's voices reach his ears through the roars of the crowd. The swimmers at his side go over to him in the water, shake his hand and pull him in for a brief hug in congratulations. He's still overwhelmed, but when he turns around Makoto's large hand is once again in front of his eyes. He looks up at the same smiling face, at the one person who was always there for him, for as long as he could remember, he never feels more at home than when he looks at this man's face.
"As I thought, Haru-chan is the best in the water," Makoto says, still smiling. Even though he has been saying that since they were young children, it catches Haruka by surprise every single time.
It's the moment Haruka waits for after every race even if he never says it with words. As long as Makoto is there for him, he can go anywhere and reach any height. As long as he has this strong hand to pull him up, and a warm smile to return to from the chill of the water; as long as he has all that he is truly free.
Haruka smiles lightly, and grabs Makoto's hand, letting the coach pull him out of the water. Makoto is reserved, just patting his shoulder and Haruka wishes he would pull him in for a hug, but he knows that's the most of the public affection Makoto would show as his coach.
Before he can say anything, Rin jumps on him with a hug, and their teammates quickly join in. Makoto steps back, letting the photographers surround the swimmers.
After a session of photographs with the rest of the Japanese team, Makoto stands before Haruka again, the towel spread between his hands and he smiles, tilting his head. Haruka steps in, letting Makoto put the towel on him. Makoto starts drying him out of habit, but quickly catches himself and pulls away. Once Haruka finishes drying himself and putting on his jersey, they both go to the medal ceremony.
Makoto joins the staff, standing at the back of the group picture.
The Olympics games are still at their height when Haruka returns to the peace of his home, finally some time to relax as the focus moves on to other athletes.
It's only a short recess, but it's a sorely needed and well deserved rest. He's given more interviews and had more photos taken of himself than perhaps his entire life. Haruka wants to take a long bath, but he also wants to crash into bed and sleep. Between the two tempting choices, he slumps down on the sofa and leans back, just relaxing. He opens an eye when Makoto comes in, carrying all their bags.
Haruka doesn't participate in many interviews and often lets Makoto do the talking for him at events, but just this time, he had to say something Makoto would never say, because Makoto would never speak about himself.
"Why do you always give your medals to your coach?" One reporter finally asks.
Haruka smiles lightly. Why does he? It's not because they are lovers, and it's not because they are best friends. The medals belong to Makoto just as much as they belong to him. For one thing, he wouldn't even take on competitive swimming if Makoto hadn't invited him when they were children.
"Makoto is the one doing all the tiresome work," he answers simply. "I just swim."
He wants to talk more about Makoto and all the hard work he puts into training someone as willful as Haruka is, because it's something no one could tell from the outside. Haruka has a light in him, and that light casts a shadow on people around him. But for Haruka, the light is not his own, just like the moon can shine brightly at night thanks to the light of the sun even through the darkness.
"If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here," he tries to explain. "I would probably still be in the bath."
The reporter blinks confused and Haruka wishes he was more eloquent. It's too difficult to explain, but put it simply, they were partners.
Makoto puts down the bags and sits next to Haruka on the couch. Finally they are all alone. Even though both of them are exhausted from the eventful week and the rigorous training that preceded it, they take the time to fully appreciate the moment they have to celebrate in private. They turn off their phones and grin at each other.
"Good job, Coach Tachibana," Haruka says with a smirk and hurries to unzip Makoto's jersey.
If Haruka thought the fame would subside after the Olympics - he was right, but not immediately. He is already too used to covering his face, wearing a baseball cap and a mask nearly on a regular basis. Makoto's profile also rose; he gets many offers from sports clubs and schools to come coach for them. Haruka watches him as he turns the offers down, and he knows that he needs to keep the promise he made for himself. He's only borrowing Makoto for a time and then he has to set him free to fulfill his own dream.
But there's still a way to go before that time. The Olympic is over but Haruka is still in his prime and ready to break more records, especially his own. For the next few years Haruka gets to swim in most long pools around the world, with Makoto accompanying him as his coach. They see new sights and learn about the world and the infinite horizon that opens before them.
Shortly after his 30th birthday, still in the top of his career and with three Olympics behind him, Haruka is crowned the most decorated Japanese athlete of all time and the best freestyle swimmer the world has known. With everyone expecting more great things to his name, and already having signed in a few upcoming international events, Haruka responds with a surprising early retirement announcement.
The last time he wins a tournament, Makoto is there as his coach for the last time. It's just a local tournament, and nothing that would normally grab attention, but the stadium is filled from side to side with spectators who want to see him swim for the last time. Haruka doesn't disappoint his audience and receives a standing applause when he makes it to the finish line in a record breaking performance for a short pool.
"Well done, Haru-chan!" Makoto smiles at him and Haruka stares in wonder at the spread hand. A bit regretful, he grabs it and let Makoto pull him up for the last time - the audience is still applauding loudly around them. Makoto helps him dry and zips up the jersey for him for the last time with the cameras flashing around them.
Everyone wants to know why. Why Haruka is quitting now when he can still win more tournaments and bring home more medals, when he suffers no injury and age shows no sign of slowing him down compared to younger swimmers.
Haruka ignores all the questions, except from one person. He feels he owes it to Rin, who has been his relay teammate and rival for so many years.
"It's Makoto's turn now to follow his dream," Haruka explains when the two are alone. "I made him put it on hold for so long."
"But Makoto wanted to be a coach, didn't he? He's done that before he became your coach."
Haruka shakes his head. "Makoto's dream is to teach children to swim."
The only reason Makoto became a coach was because he couldn't find a full time job as a swim teacher. Now that he has a world reputation and Olympic experience it might be a different story, Haruka thinks. But the job offers Makoto gets all the same - from respected clubs in Japan and even overseas, all want to hire him to train their swimmers for the Olympics.
Rin has to call Haruka's name a few times to snap him out of his thought, but Haruka already has an idea. He excuses himself, throws some money on the table as he gets up and leaves a confused Rin alone at the restaurant.
"I'm back," Makoto announces out of habit, but is surprised to see Haruka is already home.
"How was it?" Haruka asks as Makoto starts to remove his formal clothes.
"It was all right..." It is clear Makoto prefers avoiding the conversation. He turns away from Haruka and slumps his shoulders.
There's something he doesn't want to say. Haruka has felt that many times over. The tensed silence between two people that are so much a part of each other, it feels like one unwanted thought would burden the other.
This time he doesn't want to let it go on for months. This time he wants the air cleared between them as soon as possible.
He's about to speak up when Makoto furrows his brow, looking almost pained. He folds his lips and looks at Haruka. "Haru, let's talk."
There's still a heavy air between them as they sit down on the couch, the space between them bigger than usual.
"Haru, I don't think I told you before... I really had a great time as your coach," Makoto says, but to Haruka his smile seems weary. He nods, waiting for Makoto to continue. "I learned a lot on the way and it's an experience I'll cherish forever... Thank you for believing in me and taking me as your coach." He wets his lips and before Haruka could respond, he adds, "To be honest, I don't think I could do it again, I don't think I could become someone else's coach now... I don't want to be." He raises his eyes to Haruka and the athlete feels his face burning. He doesn't want Makoto to be someone else's coach either, but he would not say that.
"So I turned them down," Makoto continues. "It was a really good offer but it didn't feel right. I thought... I want to do something else now; I don't want anyone else's Olympic medals." He rubs his chin as he considers his next words. "Like maybe teach at a school... But it would only be part time I guess... So..." His voice wanders off as though he has not much confidence in his idea, but then his face turn defiant again and he raises his eyes to Haruka. "I want to open my own swimming school," he says. "I want to teach children to swim."
Haruka blinks in amazement, wondering how long Makoto cooked that idea without saying a word. "Your own swimming club?" he asks quietly. "How will you do that?"
Makoto chuckles. "I don't know, but I do have some savings..."
"I'll help," Haruka jumps in. "Let's do it."
Makoto looks more relieved and Haruka understands. They've been together since birth, for as long as their memory extends they've been so much a part of one another, he couldn't imagine sharing his life and dreams with anyone else. The thought of continuing without Makoto at his side terrifies him. When he was 13, Makoto asked if he would be fine without him. An odd, heavy question for children, Haruka knows now. But the answer is the same now as it was then, maybe even more definite. He makes sure Makoto doesn't forget it.
Having an idea and making it reality are two different things. Makoto does most of the hard work with Haruka giving occasional input. They return to their home prefecture of Tottori and it takes them a little more than a year to see their swimming school taking shape. Haruka watches Makoto through the stages, and can't help but admire his resilience and dedication in the face of bureaucracy. But Makoto as usual pays little attention to his own needs and often overworks himself. Haruka wakes up alone one night, finding Makoto collapsed in the office, those moments of panic and helplessness remind him the incident from their first training camp in high school.
When Makoto returns home from the hospital checkup, Haruka prepares him a big meal. He's still angry and Makoto can feel it.
"I'm sorry?" He tries a cute approach, making the most apologetic upturned eyebrows face he can. Haruka is usually weak against Makoto's face, but he's still sulking.
"I'm really, really sorry for worrying you, Haruka." Makoto's face turns serious and he puts his palms together as he bows in apology. "Please forgive me," he pleads.
Haruka sighs. "I was scared," he says quietly and allows Makoto to hug him.
Makoto sighs, apologizing again. He takes a whiff of Haruka's hair and skin. "As I thought, feeling you like this relaxes me the most. I don't even remember why I worried so much over some papers."
In the bedroom, Haruka realizes for the first time he has the power to free Makoto of his doubts and concerns, just the way the water frees him. He makes sure Makoto doesn't overwork himself to exhaustion again.
When the club finally opens, Haruka stands with Makoto on a new road.
If he had any doubts about retiring early, they are gone. Walking together the path towards Makoto's dream has always been the answer.
He watches Makoto with his first class and it's as though time turned back and Makoto is the same seventeen years old boy he watched that summer when Makoto worked part time at the new Iwatobi swim club.
Makoto is a natural and the children all seems to love him... As well as their mothers.
While Makoto is busy teaching the children to get acquainted with the water, Haruka swims at the second pool leisurely. He floats on his back just staring at the ceiling and feels completely relaxed.
The door opens and he turns his head hearing high heels against the cobbled floor.
"Auntie..." He's surprised to see Makoto's mother. She's smiling kindly at him as she greets him, but he feels alarmed. She never comes for a visit unannounced, even though they now lived only about 30-40 minutes away by car from Iwatobi.
He gets out of the water and grabs his towel, drying his shoulder. "Did something happen?" he carefully asks. "Makoto is still with the class..."
"Actually," she says and sounds hesitant for a brief moment. "I've come to see you... Would you mind if we sit somewhere for tea?"
There's an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Since his father transferred for work, and his mother was rarely home, the Tachibanas have been like family for Haruka, taking care of him at times of need, and sometimes more than he would've liked. For years he has suspected they know about his relationship with Makoto, but never dared to bring the subject up. Even now that they were adults in their early 30s, he felt as insecure as he never was even when he was a child.
They sit at a tea shop not far from the school and Haruka fidgets with the mug, not daring to raise his eyes to the woman that could read him nearly as well as her son. She starts with a small talk - it has been a while since they saw each other face to face, although she talks to Makoto on the phone almost every day. Haruka wishes she wasn't so nice and cut straight to the chase. He wants that crippling anxiety over with.
And then she drops the bomb. He thinks he misheard and perks his head.
"Makoto didn't tell you?" She looks surprised. "He said he will think about it."
"About what?" he asks again.
"The marriage interview we want to set for him?" she clarifies and Haruka feels numb.
"Makoto... didn't say anything..." he utters meekly. He's trying his best to keep himself together, but she must have been expecting him to be surprised.
She sighs and takes a sip from her tea. "That Makoto... He should start thinking about his life more... There's more to it than work."
Haruka lowers his head, feeling ashamed. If he looked at her directly, she might be burned from the fire he feels coming from his face.
"I just want him to be with someone who will love him and take care of him..."
Haruka wants to tell her that he does. He wants to ask her for her son, but he's frozen solid and the words won't leave his mouth. She raises her eyes to him and he quickly drops his eyes to the tea, resenting his cowardice.
"I'm glad Makoto has you, Haru-chan," she says and he listens quietly. "But you're already over 30 years old, how long do you plan to share a house?" Every word is a stab in his heart, and she delivers the final blow, "Makoto loves you too much, he would never do anything. It's the same since you were little kids. Won't you set him free, Haruka?"
The water feels cold and dark and it is pulling him down into the bottomless abyss. He can't breathe. He flatters around with his arms, but his legs don't move. As he starts to panic the oxygen he exudes bubbles around him and grows. His eyes widen as he gasps, trying to breathe. The chilly water fills his throat and lungs...
"Haru!" Makoto shakes him and Haruka opens his eyes to see his lover hovering above him, looking concerned. It's been a long time since he had a nightmare. His face is covered with cold sweat. He pants, looking around the dimly lit room and back to Makoto.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" he asks once he steadies his breath.
"You were thrashing in bed worse than I do," Makoto says and touches Haruka's wet bangs, smoothing a lock between his fingers.
"Just a bad dream..." Haruka mumbles and lies back down. He doesn't really remember his dream, but his throat feels dry.
He turns his back when Makoto lies back down and closes his eyes.
"Ne... Haru..." Makoto suddenly says. Haruka opens his eyes. He feels Makoto's fingers against his shoulder, but Makoto just sighs. "Never mind."
Haruka frowns and then decides to tackle the subject. "Your mother was here today."
"Eh?" Makoto sounds surprise, but Haruka turns around to face him. "Why didn't you tell me about the marriage interview?"
Makoto is quiet for a moment. "Damn, I didn't want you to hear about it..." He sits up in bed. "It's the daughter of a friend of my father's from work... Mom said she's very cute but shy..." He pauses when Haruka doesn't react. "I'm going to refuse of course," he assures.
"Why?" Haruka asks, putting a hand under his cheek.
His partner seems baffled by the question and Haruka ponders about auntie's words. She asked him to set Makoto free... He doesn't know how to do that without pushing Makoto away.
"Of course I'm going to refuse," Makoto repeats. "Isn't it obvious?! The only one I want to marry is Haruka!" he blurts with confidence and Haruka feels his heart skipping a beat, even as his partner gets embarrassed and withdraw his words. He sits up and looks at Makoto. Even though he wants to fly into Makoto's arms, he knows he has to be the voice of reason, or they'd both drown.
"I'm not a woman," he says.
"I never cared about that."
"I can't give you children," Haruka clarifies.
Makoto just shrugs. "I have children. I'll have a lot more children I'm sure."
"Dummy," Haruka chuckles.
"I'm serious," Makoto insists. "There's no one else I want to share my life with. I can only be happy with you, Haruka." It's the second time Makoto uses Haruka's full name.
Haruka tightens his fists. He can't lie to Makoto or himself anymore. He takes a deep breath, and, without lowering his intense blue eyes from Makoto, he utters, "then, let's get married."
Makoto bats his eyes. "Ehh?!" he mumbles after a moment. "Don't joke, Haru-"
"I mean it. Marry me, Makoto Tachibana." He ponders for a moment. "I don't have a ring right now, but please accept me."
"Haru..." Makoto's voice trembles. "That's not fair..." He sinks back to the bed and buries his head under the pillow, holding it with his arms.
"Makoto?" Haruka's chest feels heavy. Although he brought up the proposal without any thought, he knows with all his being that it's right. He wants to make Makoto happy, and he wants to do that for the rest of his life. If only a piece of paper makes such a difference to the world, he will sign it. He will think about facing Makoto's parents later.
He touches Makoto's shoulder and his lover twitches. Haruka lies down, kissing Makoto's shoulder blade. He calls his name again.
"It's not fair, Haru!" Makoto repeats from under the pillow. "I wanted to be the one proposing... I had so many plans how to do it... Geez..."
Haruka smiles, thinking that as much as Makoto matured and changed over the years, he was still the same Makoto he knew since the moment he opened his eyes and became conscious of his surroundings.
"You can still do that," Haruka chuckles and wipes the tears from his eyes. "But come out from under that pillow already..."
"No..." Makoto says, his voice still shaken. "I'm so happy I'm going to cry..."
The dawn comes and colors their room in stripes of morning light. Whatever the future holds for them next, they will overcome together, like always, on the path to their next dream.
end.