Hey guys! I read all of your reviews and pms last night and realized that a lot of people are reading this story. More than I thought. So I will be continuing it. But... If it is making you upset, then don't read it because it's not just going to completely shift into a happy story. But I want to continue it for the people who like this story and I'm sorry for the wait. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter :) I don't own anything.
"What about her?" I ask and he nods his head toward the door, I follow. "Is she okay?" I ask and he sighs. "Yeah but she's going to have an early birth. It's so early that... Your son may have a disability if we do save him but we know it's not Down syndrome and he'll have a better chance of living than Miss. Dawson will. I don't think theres any way of Miss. Dawson living." I freeze, my throat closing up. Miss. Dawson. Ally's going to die as Miss. Dawson. And it's my f*cking fault! I was an idiot and was so caught up in myself, that I didn't even have time to marry her. But... It's better for her I guess. If... If she wakes up, she can't be with me. I can't do this to her anymore. I glance over at Ally's body and groan. I walk up to her a grimace. "I love you." I kiss her forehead and reach down to her left hand, pulling the ring off her finger. A tear falls from my eye and lands on her cheek. I wipe it with my thumb and a choked sob comes through my throat. "I'm sorry." I whisper and I walk away. "Please try to save my baby..." I whisper and I walk right past him, examining the ring that's in my hand. I sigh and put it in my pocket, walking to Dez.
"Dez... There's... There's no chance of her living. We know that and the doctors know that. I- I don't want to kill myself but... Maybe... Maybe you should move. And maybe you could take Ariana... I just... It's not good for her here and I have to move anyway. I can't be here anymore Dez. I just can't do this. I figured... If she wakes up, she'll wake up and be without me. We've been engaged for three years. Three. And we haven't even began planning. She's better off without me Dez. She really is. We could be friends if she wants but... I can't do this anymore. I can't keep hurting her like this." He sighs and looks at me. "What about your other child?" I shrug. "I don't know. He has a greater chance of living than Ally. They think they can save him." He nods and looks into my eyes. "So what are you gonna do? Give us Ariana and take him?" I run my fingers through my hair and groan. Ugh. "No but... He's being born now. I couldn't be in the room. Maybe I could... I could move with you guys, have Ariana and the baby. Get a call when Ally dies and... Go to her funeral..." I trail off with a strained voice. "And what if she wakes up? She'll wake up confused and alone. You ca-" I cut him off in an outrage. "She's not waking up! She will not wake up so stop acting like she is! Okay?! I'm so f*cking done with this! Dez. I can't wait for something to happen when it won't. This is killing me inside and out and I feel like I'm losing myself. I've been with Ally for... For years. Friends or more. Since I was five. Twenty years. I've never been so alone. You can't stay here because of me Dez. You have a family to think of. I promise that I'll be okay. You need to go. Me, Ar and my son will be fine. I'll keep contact with you. But you can't mess up your life because of me. You're going. Or I'm leaving." He bites his lip and nods. He clears his throat and looks up at me. "Alright. We'll- we'll go. We had a bunch of our stuff packed. Most of it is still packed. We were actually gonna unpack today... But I guess not." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. "When...?" I ask and he shrugs. "We can leave whenever we want to. The house is ready..." I nod. "Then you should go alright? Maybe... Maybe you could just stop by here on your way?" He nods, giving a small smile. "Of course. I guess I'll go talk to Trish..." I nod. "Bye."
He walks out the door and I drop down on a seat next to Ari's bed. I put my fingers through her hair and kiss her cheek. "I'm sorry baby..." I whisper to her and a sob comes through my throat. I envelope her tiny fingers in mine and kiss her hand. "I'm so sorry..." I whisper again and I close my eyes, fighting the tears. I hear the door open and see a nurse giving me a half smile. "Your son is alive." I let out a sob as I smile and take a deep breath. "Can- can I see him?" I ask and she nods. "He's small and fragile. He'll have to be attached to machines but you can bring him home if you'd like or you could keep him here for a week or two so you know he's safely attached to the machines. Your decision." My eyes look back and forth between the babies in the room and immediately know which one is ours. "Ariana has to stay in here for two weeks anyway so... I'll keep him here. I want to make sure he's healthy." She nods. "Completely understood. I'll leave you alone with him." I nod a thank you to her as she leaves.
"Hey..." I whisper and I take in his features. His eyes. They're a dark brown but around the pupil is a burst of gold. He has dirty blonde hair that makes me smile. He reminds me of Ally already. I put my hand next to him and he grabs my finger. I bring my head down to kiss his forehead. "Austin Michael Moon." I whisper to him and I smile. Ally's favorite name. My name as his first name and her grandfathers name as his middle name. I take a picture of him holding my finger, looking up at me with his big eyes and I smile. The nurse comes in a few minutes later, telling me that they need to do some tests on him. I nod and kiss his forehead once more before I leave. I go back to Ariana's room to find her awake and talking with Dez, Trish and Aust. She has tears running down her face and my heart feels shattered. I feel alone already. They're leaving...
I take a deep breath and walk into the room, Ari looks up at me. "Is he okay?" She asks me and I smile. "He's perfectly fine... He gets to come home when you come home." She smiles and tears continue to run down her hollow cheeks. "We said goodbye. Daddy, it's your turn." I kiss her cheek and nod, standing up and turning to them. "Can you believe that for the first time since kindergarten, that we're not gonna be together?" I sigh and pull Dez in for a hug. "It's for the better." He takes a deep breath and nods. "You promise you'll be okay?" I nod. "I promise." We pull away from the hug and do our handshake from when we were younger. We both laugh through our tears. "I'll see you around." He nods. "We better hear from you." I nod as I walk toward Trish. "Stop crying. It'll make me cry harder." I say and she laughs. "I'll miss you." I nod and pull her in for a bear hug. "I'll miss you too shorty." She laugh again and I smile. "I want pictures of your baby alright?" She smiles. "You too." I pull my phone from my pocket and show her the picture I had taken earlier. "God, he's precious." She says as she stares down at the phone. "He looks just like you but he looks just like Ally... It's weird..." I smile and kiss her forehead. "I love you guys." We all join in a group hug. "We love you too..." I smile as I bend down. "Alright where's my little man?" I ask as he sprints into my arms and grabs me. "Oof." I grunt as he knocks the wind out of me and I laugh. "I'll miss you Aust." He squeezes me tighter and I put my hand into his hair. "I'll miss you too uncle Austin." I smile and kiss the top of his head. "Don't forget about me alright? I'll talk to you soon." He nods and laughs. "How could I forget about my only, but still favorite uncle?" I ruffle his hair as I stand up. "I love you little man." He laughs again. "I love you too big man." We both laugh together. "You better get going. Be careful alright? I love you guys." I say and Ariana screams out, "I love you guys!" We all laugh. "We love you guys too." We're all in tears as they walk through the door and I sigh, walking over to Ariana.
"You okay?" I ask her and she sighs but nods. "Yeah." I pull her in for a hug and she cries into my shoulder. After about five minutes she pulls away, sniffling. "Can I see my little brother?" I smile and nod. "You're not allowed out of bed yet but here's a picture." I pull out my phone and she stares down at the screen. "Wow." She says and she looks from the screen to my face, smiling. "We're a family. Even... Even if mommy isn't here. We're a family." I nod, smiling at her. "We'll always be a family." She smiles up at me and pulls me in for a hug but then flinches back. "You okay?" I ask and she nods, biting her lip. "Look, I'm gonna grab you something to eat okay? What do you want? The doctor said you have to eat." She groans and makes a face. She shakes her head and leans back on the bed. "I'm not hungry." I sigh and groan. I grab her hand and give her a stern look. "You need to eat Ar. If you don't, they need to come in here and force you to eat okay? It'll probably something you don't like. So what do you want?" She sighs and shrugs, turning her eyes away from me. "Can I have pancakes?" She asks and I laugh. "Of course baby, I'll be right back alright?" She nods and kisses my cheek. "Love you." She says and I say it back before running down to the cafeteria. On my way back, I stop to see if they're done testing Austin yet. They are.
"Excuse me...?" I whisper to the women, trying not to startle her. "Yes?" She asks. "Could I bring my son into my daughters room? Ariana Moon. She can't really walk because she has stitches in her stomach but she would love to meet her little brother." The woman smiles at me and nods, giving him to me and I carry Austin into Ariana's room. She looks over at me, smiling and sees me holding him, she gasps. "Oh my gosh. Is- is that him?" She asks and I smile, nodding at her. "Can I... Can I hold him?" I place him in her arms and she smiles, her eyes lighting up like a Christmas tree. (I lit up like a Christmas tree Hazel Grace. Gosh, that book was amazing. Don't own. Sorry.) "His name is Austin." She smiles. "After you." I nod, grimacing. "After me." I laugh as he opens his eyes and smiles at Ari. He grabs her cross necklace she's wearing that Ally gave to her. They stay in that position, looking into each others eyes. I take a picture and a tear slips down my cheek. I wish Ally was able to see this. I wish there was a way to make her be able to be here. But there's not...
Ari looks up from Austin's face and smiles. "His eyes are amazing daddy." I smile and laugh. "They're a mix of hazel and brown. Hazel from me and brown from mommy." She nods and looks back down. "Austin. You're gonna be the best little brother ever!" She says and I laugh, kissing her head. "And you Ari, are going to be the best big sister ever." She laughs with me and sighs. "Now that's its just the three of us... What do we do?" She asks and I shrug. "We wait to see what happens." She nods and looks up at me, smiling. I smile back and I look at the two of them together. They give me hope.
Two Weeks Later
"Daddy, where is Austin gonna sleep?" Ari asks me and I sigh. "We were going to move to Long Island but with mommy in the hospital, we can't. So he'll stay in my room with me for now." She sighs and nods. She wanted to move also, it's not her favorite place here... She gets made fun of and doesn't have Aust anymore. I should homeschool her. I mean... I could. Couldn't I? Just until we can move. She's not even in kindergarten yet. She doesn't need to learn until she's five. "Hey Ar? Would you ever want me to homeschool you?" I ask her as I put Austin in his crib. Ari runs up to me and grabs my leg. "Would you daddy? Would you really homeschool me?" I smile, bending down to lift her up. "Of course I would. I can homeschool you for a few years before you go back to school and hopefully by then, mommy will wake up and we'll move. Alright?" She sighs but nods anyway. "Stop pretending that she'll be okay." She tells me and I kiss her forehead, a tear slipping down my cheek. "I'm sorry Ar." She gives me a small smile before I put her down.
She's gotten a little healthier in the past two weeks. She gained some weight back but not all of it. We're still working on it. We're going back in two weeks to get her stitches taken out but she can walk because they butterfly stitched her stomach. I'm grateful. It'd break my heart to see her bedridden any longer. She's too active to me stuck in a bed. They wanted me to start giving her antidepressants but really? She's three. I didn't take them. I'll help her on her own because what I realized from my depression is that being alone makes it hard. We'll just stay together.
"I'm gonna go to bed daddy..." I nod and walk to Ari's room. "Thank you... For being so mature about all of this. It's hard." She smiles and nods. "I know I need to be strong. I know there's nothing anyone could do about it." I kiss her forehead and pull the blankets over her body. "Don't act strong because of me Ari. You're three years old, you don't need to act strong for anyone." She bites her lip and sighs. "But I need to be strong for you... I can't lose you..." I pull her in for a hug and sigh. "You are never going to lose me. Okay?" She nods, yawning. Her eyes flutter shut and I sigh. "I love you." She smiles, her eyes still closed. "To the moon and back." She whispers and I kiss her cheek. "Forever and always."
A month later
It's about two am and I can hear Ari singing along to Ally's voice in her room. "Ar!" I call out and she peaks her head from her door, just her head. "Why don't you come sit out here with me if you're not going to bed?" She sighs, groaning. "I'm sitting in my room dad." What's she doing in there that's so important? "Can't you do whatever you're doing out here?" I ask her and she closes the door without another word. I get up and lean against the closed door. "Ari, I know it's hard without mom but don't let it get in between us. You seem really distant lately and I can't figure out how to get you to be open with me. I'm trying to help, I really am. Please..." I say quietly, but I know she heard me. She shuffles around for a second before I speak up. "Ar, I'm coming in. We need to talk." I hear her gasp from inside and she smashes into the door. "No! Don't open it! I'll come out!" She yells and she pulls back, opening the door, slipping out quickly. "Ar, what's going on in there?" I ask a her and she shrugs. "Nothing, just don't go in there." She says and then walks to sit on the couch. I follow, sitting down next to her and gently grabbing her hand.
"What's going on Ar?" I whisper and she turns her head away from me, saying nothing. "Nothing." My eyes snap up as it starts processing. "You're... You're cutting yourself... Aren't you?" She gasps and shakes her head. "No, no! Dad, I'm sorry. I know I haven't been close with you lately but it's because I'm working on something. It was supposed to be a surprise... I'll show you now. But here." She says, putting out her wrists. All I see are the scars from the previous month and I say, rubbing my fingers gently over them. "We match!" She says, giggling. She pulls my arm against hers and smiles. "Yours look like they hurt." She says and I kiss her forehead. They do hurt me. I can't move my arm the same way anymore and I can't play any instrument for two months. I can only sing. "They hurt sometimes but it definitely hurts less than actually doing it. And you will never be doing it again. Correct?" She smiles at me and kisses my cheek. "Correct. Now c'mere, I wanna show you what I've been working on."
She takes me into her bedroom and sits me on the bed. "Close your eyes." She whispers and I close them, waiting for her to come over to me. "Here..." She places a book in my hand and I open my eyes. I look down at the cover and smile a sad smile.
Ally Moon it says, with a picture of Ally smiling at the sky. I took that on New Years Eve, she was looking at the fireworks. She looked beautiful that night. She always does. I sigh, opening to the first page of the book. She's an amazing person it reads and she'll never be forgotten. She's a great mom, a great wife and a great friend. A picture of her and Ally, Ally and I with another of Trish, Dez, Ally and I. I smile at the picture, laughing a little. A tear slips down my cheek as I smile, remembering the times we had together but will never have again. I continue to read. Our time with her was cut short when she got into an accident there's a picture of Ally in the hospital but like my dad told me, everything happens for a reason. I never understood that until now. I would've never thought that my mom got hurt for a reason but now... I think there was. Below the writing, there are pictures of me in the hospital. Different times in each picture. Its for my dad. He's sick and he needs to get better. I think my mom getting into that accident will help him. It'll bring us all together again. A picture of the three of us together, laughing on the couch. But we'll be with the newest member of our family, Austin. The picture of Ari holding him as he grabs her necklace is below the writing. I smile a little and sigh. I wish she was here to see my dad be happy again. There's a picture of me, Ar and Austin all sitting on the couch smiling together. Trish took it when the came to visit about two weeks ago. They came to make sure all of us were okay. Shes wanted to see him happy for a long time. She would talk to me about it sometimes. I'd ask her "where's daddy?" and she'd sigh, telling me "I don't know, he left." and of course I would ask why. "He's too upset to be here with me. With us." she'd say. "All I want is for him to be happy again." I sighed, pulling Ari in for a side hug as I continued to read. I never understood. He seemed pretty happy when I was with him. Below is a picture of me and Ar together smiling in the hospital. This was right after I got out of rehab. But now I know it was an act. He was pretending to be okay. I know he's tried to kill himself and I know he's cut himself. Pictures of me are underneath the writing. They're pictures of my wrists, my stomach, me when I had casts on and when I was hooked up to breathing machines. I grip her tighter to my side as I sigh. Mom always took pictures of him. I asked her why one day. He was asleep in a hospital bed, why was she taking pictures? She told me that she kept them under her pillow. "Your dad is sick Ar and these pictures remind me of what I did to him. It reminds me why he's not here and why I can't go after him." I didn't understand at first. She didn't do that to him. But now I get it. She thought she's why my dad did that to himself. She would look at the pictures to remind her why her why my dad wasn't with us and why she couldn't bring him back.
"Ar..." I whisper, kissing the top of her head. A tear rolls down my cheek and I rock her gently. "I didn't finish yet but that's what I've been d-" she gets cut off by the phone. My heart stammers in my chest as I take a deep breath. It's almost three in the morning. Only one place could be calling right now. A tear slips from my eye and Ar seems to understand too. "Mom..." She whispers and I pull her in for a full hug. "Let me go grab it okay? I'll be back in one second." I tell her. I hear her sob as I leave to grab the phone. I take a deep breath, calming myself as much as I can before I answer. "Hello?" When Dez's voice rings through the speaker I almost cry in happiness. "Oh my god Dez, why the h*ll are you calling so late?! Both me and Ari thought it was the hospital!" I say and I call Ari's name. "Ar, it's Uncle Dez. Not the hospital. Moms fine." She sighs and runs up to hug me. I lift her up into my arms and she cries into my shoulder, sighing. "Oh, so now it's mom and uncle Dez." I sigh, bringing Ari to her room. "It's super late now, we're going to bed, alright?" I say to Ar and chuckle as I noticed she's already asleep. I tuck her in, kissing her forehead before leaving the room. "Yeah, she's... Been changing." I say and he sighs. "What do you mean? Is she okay?" I go into the kitchen and sit at the table. "Yeah, she's fine. I check her for new cuts and hasn't had any. She gets upset sometimes but most of the time she seems okay but she's growing up. Mom, dad, uncle Dez and aunt Trish. She constantly asks if I'm okay and is always telling me I need to sit down because I guess I'm always doing something and that she'll take care of Austin but... I can't let her a lot of the time." I say and he questions me. "You don't let her hold him? Do they even know each other Austin?" I roll my eyes. "Of course I let her hold him. They're with each other all the time but she's always offering to like, change his diaper or feed him or give him a bath. I still have to help her in the bath Dez!" He sighs in relief. "Oh thank god, I thought you weren't letting them even be together." I roll my eyes at him again.
"Of course I do. I just don't know what to do with her. I'm homeschooling her because people bully her so I can't make her go back-" he cuts me off. "Austin. It's pre-school. What bullies are there?" I sigh and put my hand to my head. I have a major headache almost... All the time. "They make fun of her because she doesn't understand a lot of the things they teach a-" he cuts me off again. "Austin, she's three. You can make her go back. It's your decision, not hers." He tells me. He doesn't get it. "Dez. She's tried killing herself before. She's three. I'm not making her go to pre-school to get made fun of." He sighs.
"Oh yeah... I forgot that happened... It's just- it seems unrealistic sometimes. She's three, you forget that it could happen to someone as young as her..." He whispers, trailing off. He knows it's a touchy subject for me. "You wouldn't forget. You wouldn't forget if your three year old daughter cut herself and tried to kill herself because of you." I tell him sharply and I can hear him shaking his head. "Dude, you have to move on from it! It's over and done. Move. On." I take a deep breath to keep myself from yelling.
"Dez, you don't get it. You don't get it at all! She's my three year old daughter and I pushed her to want to kill herself. It was my god d*mn adult and it's really hard to move on from that! Especially when you can never be alone. The only time I'm ever alone is when I'm sleeping or I'm in the bathroom. I have no one here. I can't trust anyone to let them in my home and I'm as depressed as I was when you left. I love being with my kids. I love them to death. But when you can't even check the mail without taking your two kids downstairs with you, it's hard. Ally's gone. She's dying. You left with Trish. That's all I had. And I can't let another person in. Every person I knew got hurt because of me and I'm not hurting another person. I'm-" he groans. "God Austin stop being such a baby about everything! It's so annoying to listen to." The line goes dead silent and I don't try to speak first. I feel a pang of sadness run through my body and it stays in my body.
My heart beats quicker and I glance quickly to Ari's door, clenching my jaw. I hang up the phone and walk over to kitchen, grabbing a knife. I let out a small puff of air as I slice my arm for the first time in what feels like forever. I lean on the counter as I sigh, the phone ringing. It's Dez. "F*ck you Dez." I whisper at the ringing phone and I slice my arm again. I glare at the blood poring from my cut as I quickly glance at the phone. This is the third time he's called me since we talked fifteen minutes ago. I rip the phone off the counter and press answer. "What?" I growl into the phone and he sighs. "God Austin... Why didn't you answer? I'm sorry, that was horrible for me to say..." He says and I bite my lip, cutting once again into my arm as I speak. "Don't be." I say harshly, he taken back a bit. "Woah Austin, what's going on? I'm hon-" I take a deep breath to calm down but it doesn't work. At all. "Why would you wanna know what's going on Dez? I thought I was too annoying for you." He tries to cut in but I cut him off. "No! I'm done. Alright? I'm done with this sh*t! I thought you'd always have my back and be there for me. But I was wrong. So wrong. We're done. Don't call me. Don't text me. Don't come back here." I hang up the phone and smash it onto the counter, picking up the knife and cutting my arm one more time.
I lean against the counter as tears fall freely from my eyes. Now I'm really alone. More alone than I ever have been. When I was alone before... I knew someone there cared about me. I thought Ally hated me but I knew Dez still cared. I knew Ally cared when Dez beat me. Now Dez doesn't care and Ally's gone. The phone rings again and I roll my eyes, picking it up. "Dez. Just f-" someone cuts me off. "Is this Austin Moon?" The person asks and I grip the counter. This is it. "Yes." Is all I say. "We're calling you, regarding Ally Dawson." He says and I stay silent, the tears coming down faster. "Hello?" I groan and let out a sob at the same time. "Can you just say it?!" I scream, almost hysterical now. "She's..."
Sorry it's short! Tell me what you think :)