Holiday Special #8: Valentine's Day

After nearly a year of power shenanigans, James wasn't really surprised to get a quest on Valentine's Day. And frankly, it could have been much worse. An unspecified loss of reputation was little weird for a failure penalty these days, but the task would be easy enough and he didn't exactly mind the rewards. How hard could it be to find 144 [Perfect Red Roses] and 12 [Fancy Ribbons]? Besides, he'd already made sure to tell all his teammates that they didn't need to try to include him in any plans for the day, so he had plenty of time.

He should have known better.

It took liberal abuse of 32:1 ratio time-dilation barriers, over three hours real-time, and the preservative effects of his [Inventory], but James managed to find all the flowers he needed by searching every florist in the city, half the grocery stores, and two private gardens. The ribbons were hand-[Crafted] from excess materials. In a fit of whimsy, James decided to use a different material for each ribbon. He had to get creative for a few of them. In the end, the last one was made from the remnants of Krieg's uniform.

[Quest Complete!]

[You have gained 125,000 XP and Valentines!]

Except no valentines appeared as his carefully gather items vanished. "Why aren't they in my inventory?" Constant use of verbal commands had reinforced James' habit of thinking aloud, especially when alone. After a few minutes scrolling through the veritable warehouse of random items he 'just had to' carry everywhere in his storage dimension, just to make sure, James was certain he'd been bilked." Eh, I'll just buy myself some chocolate. One Legion Zombie can pay for more than enough to share with everyone tomorrow."

..ooOoo..

Taylor wasn't having a good Valentine's Day. Everyone either thought she was dating James or was too scared of Lady Bug to ask her out. On top of that, James had the nerve to flaunt his own plans when he told the whole team he wouldn't be available all day. So she tried to distract herself by searching for new bugs in the park. But there were lovey-dovey couples everywhere. She contemplated planting bees in a few of the more obnoxious pairs' bouquets, but her powers were too well-known for that these days. Instead, she spent a few seconds redirecting ticks away from a few of the more adventurous lovers. No reason to… recognize them on the streets for the next few days.

It really annoyed her that she couldn't even do a dungeon run with James. She had been looking for a chance to try soloing the [Vampire Lord] boss for a while now, but usually didn't have the time. Instead, she decided to spend the rest of the day grinding a few of her favorite non-combat skills: [Singing], [Cooking], and the relatively new [Dancing]. With even Danny out on a date with his mysterious girlfriend, she had privacy to boogie to her favorite Ace of Bass songs while making the meatiest lasagna she could never make where James might eat it. All things she couldn't do just any day. She was totally fine with how things turned out.

Okay, she could admit to herself that she was a little disappointed she was being left out while everyone else was enjoying their own romantic interludes. It just wasn't fair. Sure she wasn't the prettiest girl, but she'd come a long way from the gawky, lanky girl who was so insecure because of a few high school bullies. She'd even caught a few guys checking her out around the city. Not that she was really interested in any of them. Just as she was settling into enjoy her perfect dinner, a swirl of light appeared in front of her with a soft 'ding'.

"Huh?"

..ooOoo..

James couldn't believe his luck. The local drug store had already marked chocolates down 50%, so he had months worth of chocolate for himself and anyone he cared to share with. He considered keeping it in his inventory, but didn't trust himself that much. No, much better to leave it where any of his friends could help themselves - on the 'dining room' table in the warehouse he'd begun renting as a team headquarters. "This… is a good day," he announced to himself as he unlocked the second story door. (When you can roof-jump, walking gets boring fast.)

The lights were already on. No one had warned the rest of the team about wanting the place for the day, so James instantly activated [Stealth] and made his way through the upstairs, searching for intruders. While he did get all the reminder he'd ever need to stay out of people's rooms (seriously, did everyone have to leave underwear hanging up in weird places), he didn't find anything more out of place than normal. And [Sense Danger] hadn't pinged even once.

Downstairs, he carefully worked his way to the front of the base. The kitchens were just as clean as he and Taylor always left them. The locker rooms were both still spotless and no one could get into a [Soulstone Lock] but the owner. Not Armsmaster with a Tinkerpick, Jack Slash with a monomolecular blade, or even Shadow Stalker by phasing. The state of the dojo had him concerned for a moment, until he remembered how the martial arts practice session last weekend ended. The rec room was the same comfortable mess as always - pillows and blankets everywhere, but never a crumb left out. It only took one demonstration by Taylor for everyone else to swear to never leave anything that could attract ants.

Which only left the cavernous living/dining room. Well, fortune favors the bold. No need to don his costume, anyone who could find this base probably knew who he was. And calling out a macro would just warn them he was coming. He crouched and launched his way straight through the reinforced door.

"Come at me!"

"Wait, what?" Taylor stared back at him with a look of mixed befuddlement and anger, brandishing a cluster of red flowers bound in a familiar black satin ribbon. "Did you really say 'come at me'? Is that some kind of line? Did you really expect that to work?"

"Huh?" Completely lost, James cast his gaze across the room. Lisa was smirking back at him from his favorite recliner, a bouquet of roses wrapped in a string of Simurgh feathers resting on her lap. The couch was occupied by Elle (spectral ribbon made from a ghost's sheet), hemmed in by Spitfire (dragon scale chain 'ribbon') and Faultline (persistent [Mana Ribbon]), both still wearing their masks, like always. Aisha (ectoplasm band) sat cross-legged on the table, amused anticipation written all over her face. The delightedly-human Sveta (eldritchweave) was happily running her fingers through her bundle of flowers. A disgruntled Victoria (gold cloth ribbon) and blushing Amy (zombie hide ribbon) were sharing the largest armchair. Crystal (silk ribbon) loomed over them, glaring dangerously at James. Rachel glowered at James from the rug as she fidgeted with an empty denim ribbon.

With each recognized ribbon, James' face turned whiter and his confusion grew. The final straw was the realization that Kayden of all people was there, clutching a dozen roses tied together with Krieg's swastika'd collar. "What's going on here?"

[New Quest Alert: Spread the Love!]

[Do what comes naturally.]

[Reward: 175,000 XP, the Blessings of Gaia]

[Failure: Loss of Reputation with Gaia]

"Why is there no decline button?" Suddenly, James understood the angry faces. "Oh, Gaia, no!" He never ever noticed the few hopeful looks before he fled to a safer dimension.

Author's Note: Crack, crack, delicious holiday crack. Inspired by wondering what Gaia would think of a day for love.