Guilty
by Ydream08
Chapter 6
She hadn't studied according to her study plans. All the hours of dividing her time, finishing her projects earlier and colour coding which subject to study had been for nothing.
After that May second celebrations, Hermione hadn't been herself. Not quite much.
Her irregular sleeping hours tipped off any plans she had made. Feeling sick most of the time, she could hardly sit upright let alone read and study. One week -she could swear it was a whole damn week- she had laid awake in her bed. Concentrating on the red of her curtains, reminding herself they were not the dusty grey of the Malfoy study room. There was no chandelier to count the candles on, nor were there patterns over the roof.
It took her one week to give in—the sleeping draught had always been in the beaded bag she still carried on herself.
She had prided herself for taking the medication once a month, it was indeed an achievement since Grimmauld Place. More accurately, since learning what had become of her parents.
Falling to sleep without having half of a vial was a dream now.
Hermione knew that she had to get her act together. But she couldn't- didn't. There were no people in the eight year Gryffindor girls' dormitory who would notice that she hadn't risen up for exams. It was only her.
Everyone else was stressed about their own exams, and the first assumption about Hermione Granger to be ever made was that she would have headed out to the exam hall early to be the first one in the room.
Not that day.
Hermione had indulged in her potion a tad too much.
She could not remember now. Lying in the soft mattress of the Hospital Wing, Hermione only knew that the sun peeking out the window did funny things on Theo's face.
He looked tired and worried with his eyes red and puffy. Had he...cried? He was fighting to stay awake, that was for sure. His lips in a cute pout, his fluttering eyes would snap open whenever his head failed to find the pillow it craved. It must be uncomfortable sleeping on a chair.
"Theo?"
Her raspy voice alerted him alright, but instead of the happy face she expected to see, Theo shot her the most hateful look.
"Don't do that. Ever again."
She wanted to be angry for his sharp voice but when he clasped her hand in his and rested his forehead on their joined hands, Hermione was only confused.
Then his shoulders started to shake and Hermione heard the sniffles.
His lips touched the back of her hand. Once, twice. Again. "I was so scared."
It didn't take longer than a heart beat, Hermione straightened herself. Wincing at her aching limbs and getting nauseous at the remaining taste of the medication on an empty stomach. Regardless, she rose enough to drape an arm around Theo's back and rest her own head against his.
She breathed his shampoo while stroking his back. It might have looked reverse for others, but Hermione felt comforted in their entangled position. Didn't even notice how long they stayed like that, as she felt less and less exhausted with every passing moment.
He was here for her. Theo had stayed here by her side.
Hermione didn't know what to say- what to think. He was probably skipping classes, with how early it was in the morning, or his study time for the—
"EXAMS!"
Her head cleared thanks to Madam Pomfrey's medications, shock and dread were quick to tug at her stomach. Oh, she could easily vomit all over Theo right now.
Wait, Theo—
"What are you doing here! We have exams! NOW! Don't tell me you are skipping-"
"Hermione, shut up."
Her eyes couldn't pop open even a tad more as Hermione was experiencing her one and only nightmare –skipping an exam!- but to say that Hermione's brain finally burned to a crisp was no understatement when she felt a strong hand circle around her neck and pull her down.
Their lips met in an unexpected welcome.
It was effortless for Hermione to close her eyes, feel the softness of his touch and give in to the wonderful sensation that was Theo's lips moving on her own, tongue seeking out hers and fingers massaging her scalp.
But this couln't be—she loved someone else. She couldn't –shouldn't- feel this way by Theo's advancement.
Why wasn't she slapping him? Shouting at him to move off of her?
Hermione's mind became a mush with her contradicting reasoning against what she felt.
Breaking for air, Hermione mumbled, "Theo-I can't…" I'm in love with Harry. That was a line she kept repeating to herself, one that used to soothe and depress her at the same time the past whole year.
Hermione sensed Theo's mood drop, but without her pulling away, keeping her hands exactly where they were, he didn't move either. They were in an embrace, Hermione's doubt creating a brittle wall between them.
This was nice. Theo was… Well, she liked him. She could fancy him, given the chance.
Thinking in a flash that Harry wouldn't give her a chance in a million years –she was the best friend- Hermione decided she wouldn't do the same.
Dipping her head, she captured his lips in a sealing kiss. She would try things with Theo. She would happily accept his love. It was only natural to return such an intimate feeling. Right?
Their lips moving for what felt like hours, they finally broke away.
"We'll take the exams next year." Hermione opened her eyes at his voice, gasping for air in the mean while. His eyes were a mix of honey and green today; it was sun playing games on his hazel eyes but Hermione couldn't resist their pull. "And you will be under my close inspection, the whole time."
Smiling, Hermione did something stupid and glanced back at his lips.
He smirked. "You should rest now."
Theo closed his lips on hers once again and she was gently pushed back to her hospital bed. Once she was lying down properly, he gently pecked her again, but draping the blankets over her, he retook his place on the chair afterwards.
Harry didn't know anything about her Sleeping Draught accident. He didn't know she had owled a professional for help and had an appointment the day after her graduation.
He didn't know she would move in with Theo as she salvaged her parents' house from the shambles that it was now. He didn't know they were an item, Theo and Hermione.
They had spent the two weeks following the finish of the exams to explore the new stage of their relationship. It was still eating together at meals, sitting in the library or out in the gardens to read, or even the occasional Quidditch pitch trip (Theo liked to fly).
Their proximity had increased though. Their hands would be found entwined. Theo's head in her lap as she read aloud. And their lips interlocked at secluded corners.
Theo had braided her hair even.
That's why Hermione looked forward to sharing a romantic dinner together in celebration of their graduation.
Until she saw Harry attend the ceremony, that had been the case. Hermione had noticed his mess of black hair right away. His round glasses were a give-away even if his scar was hardly seen through the distance.
And it was his eyes.
He held her gaze in content and certainty, a sense of pride only Harry could show and her accept. It was something else. She knew everything from Harry meant so much more for her.
She dreaded breaking the news that she was graduating without any NEWTs.
Those were necessary to land a job but not finish Hogwarts, thus why she was crushed in Harry's arms with her diploma squashed between them.
"Congratulations, Hermione!"
She didn't meet his eyes. The second time her Gryffindor courage had left her down. She had sworn to Theo, and then herself, that she would not go down the potion route again.
"Thanks," she mumbled.
For the first time, the arm circling her back didn't give her comfort but made her jump.
It was Theo who was right beside her. His body was half-way towards her but he extended a hand at Harry still.
"Potter." As they shook hands, Hermione felt Harry's confused gaze on her closeness with Theo.
"Nott. Haven't seen you in awhile?"
"I guess you wouldn't." Theo shrugged, not elaborating or opening a new subject to talk about. The latter, Hermione had been wrong. "Let's remedy that, shall we? Harry should come to our dinner, right love?"
Hermione combusted and she chose that moment to meet Harry's eyes. His brows had shot up nearly to his hairline in shock. He had to correct his glasses that had dropped a tad, even.
"You two…"
Hermione timidly accepted Theo's chaste kiss on her temple, and wondered what happened to the conservative Pureblood she got to know over the year.
Although Theo was fine with holding hands and being familiar outside, he had been nothing but a gentleman wherever people were around. Stealing a kiss from him while he listened to her read, lying down in her lap, had been the most scandalous thing Hermione had achieved with him.
Recalling how he made snide comments about a couple who were snogging at a not-so-hidden-alcove –this was back when they were friends- Hermione knew a kiss on the temple in front of her long time best friend was something daring from the Slytherin.
"Yes." Hermione wanted to cover and save this immediately. If she didn't smooth this out, Hermione would find herself in a sorry position. With both males. "And it would be nice if you could come, too! You and Theo can get to know each other properly."
Harry's scowl didn't disappear through dinner. It got even worse when Theo found her hand over the table. Hermione didn't know why Theo wished to goad their relationship so much, but all she could think when his fingers were entwined with hers was just that she should have at least owled Harry.
The Weasleys have been removed from her close friends, but Harry was her family and everything.
At least he was her friend. He had come for her graduation, for Godrik's sake!
Hermione felt so guilty that night!
Wine didn't work to ease her nerves, Theo's thumb circling at the back of her hand didn't work, the parting smile from Harry didn't assure her- and all that sleep brought to her was restlessness and a pang in her heart.
Moving out from Grimmauld Place was harder.
"You're packing?" Harry had asked upon coming to check on her for all the noise she made.
"Yes. I'll move out." Hermione was packing her books so she didn't have the chance to turn to have a proper conversation with him.
When she finally did face him, he was not there by her door. She should have heard his feet shuffling away, but she didn't. She had been occupied feeling sorry for herself.
She and Harry would never happen. She was his best friend. Finally understanding that dynamic in their relationship, Hermione made peace with it.
Godric knew she had to- seeing Theo would be a horrible horrible mistake, otherwise.
The next chapter, I'll break hearts! It will be fun :D