A/N: Thank Kami for Labor Day Weekend!

Everybody Loves Vegeta, Too!

Part Seven

Vegeta settled on flying across the ocean to Kame House first.

The thought of meeting one of Goku's weirdo friends alone was certainly strange. Had he ever visited Master Roshi on his own? Had he ever spoken directly to the man at a party? He couldn't remember, and if he ever did, it wasn't memorable. It occurred to him Roshi had been Goku's master; before today it never crossed his mind to pick the geezer's brain. Bulma did a good job at pigeonholing Roshi into the category of pervert, and nothing else.

Over the ocean's horizon, he spotted the garish pink house and the tiny island it inhabited. He sensed three energy levels. Fuck. Who else did he have to deal with today? He focused harder on the smaller ones and concluded they were minuscule. Must be the weird pig man and decrepit turtle pet Roshi kept. What were their names again?

Vegeta settled gently on the beach sand. The dull sound of a television set bled from an open window. He walked to the front door, and hesitated before knocking. How would he announce himself? Pretend he was just visiting, and casually bring up the apology? Or should he just apologize and fly away immediately so he didn't have to suffer through the embarrassment longer than necessary? How did Goku exactly want him to do this?

Oolong saved him the trouble of standing on the porch any longer by opening the door. He reeled backwards and almost lost his footing. "What are you doing here?" He leaned to look over Vegeta's shoulder. "Are you here with Bulma? Or Goku?"

"No. I came alone." Vegeta opened the door the rest of the way and let himself in. He ignored Oolong's violent shaking and walked into the living room. Stacked atop two milk carton cases sat a small TV, and planted in front of it sat Master Roshi. The old man chuckled under his breath. In his right hand he clenched a handkerchief and occasionally dabbed his sweaty forehead clean of its sheen. On the TV screen was a woman bobbing a Shake Weight up and down between her hands. She was giving an invisible man a fantastic hand-job.

"Keep shakin' that weight, baby!" Master Roshi giggled.

What the hell? Is this what he does all day? Vegeta made himself comfortable on the couch. He could wait this out.

"Oolong, get our guest a drink," Roshi said. His eyes stayed glued to the television screen.

"I'm not a maid," Oolong grumbled. He dragged himself to the kitchen.

"Do you really find this entertaining?" Vegeta asked. He crossed both his arms and legs.

"These lady aerobics just get better and better as the years go on!"

"You watch this…like it's pornography."

Roshi leaned back, and finally turned his attention to Vegeta. He turned off the TV. "I thought I'd give you some time before you apologized, but we can get right to it if you want."

Vegeta perked up. "Who told you I was giving an apology?"

"I read your mind."

Oolong walked back into the living room. He handed off a glass of dark beer to Roshi and Vegeta, and rushed out of the room. "I'm, ah, going to let you and His Highness talk alone."

"Old man," Vegeta said while pointing at Roshi, "repeat what you said to me before."

"You heard me. I read your mind. You're here to apologize for all of the evil things you've done." Roshi smiled. "I'm not some dumb old coot, ya know!"

Vegeta opened his mouth. He wasn't sure how to respond.

"Come outside with me." Roshi walked out of the living room without giving Vegeta another glance.

Outside, it was still early and the weather was pleasant: the gentle breeze made the sun bearing down on them tolerable. Roshi flopped down on one of the lawn chairs in the grass. He leaned back in his seat and stared at the clouds rolling above. He held his silence.

Vegeta planted himself in the opposite chair. He pulled a cigarette out of his breast pocket, lit it, and took a drag. The silent, sage-like nature of the old man threw him off guard. Was he being mocked? He took a sip of his beer. Predictably disgusting. He downed half the glass before Roshi finally spoke up.

"You're an unhappy man, aren't you?"

"Am I? Is that what you saw when you read my mind?" Vegeta chuckled. He wanted the lazily wafting smoke from his cigarette to tear his attention away from how vulnerable he really felt.

"Yep. You have lots of secrets I can't quite get to, but if you let me look maybe I can help you out."

"Fool. You don't know anything about me. I just came to take care of something Kakarot forced me to do."

"There are certainly a lot of thoughts about Goku swirling around in that head of yours. But they're not antagonistic. That's odd."

Right. He didn't know. "If I let you read my mind, will you let me end this little visit early?"

"There are no shortcuts to doing this, Vegeta." Vegeta raised his brows at hearing the man finally speak his name. "I would just ask you why you're really here, but I know you wouldn't tell me the truth."

"Fine. Go ahead then. Read my mind if you're so wise." He smirked. "I didn't think I'd find entertainment on this little island. I'm actually excited to see what you find out about me."

"I'm not joking around. You may hear and see some things you don't like."

"Don't worry. I'm a big boy. You won't hurt my feelings."

Roshi nodded. Minutes passed. Vegeta found himself tapping his knee with impatience. He sipped down more of the bitter beer.

He gasped and jolted in his chair. Something was inside of him…prying. Recent memories roused in his conscious. He closed his eyes again to focus on this new feeling of invasion. There was no doubting it now—Roshi was browsing through his memories and feelings with little impunity. His presence was foreign inside of his mind, like a pair of hands flipping through private documents always kept hidden from daylight.

"Stop—!" Vegeta clenched the arms of his chair. He breathed in and out, hyperventilating…

"Just relax and let me in." Roshi's voice was mesmerizing.

The first thing he pried into were Vegeta's feelings about Goku. On the surface was the sex. Goku with his eyes closed, covered in sweat, moaning. Goku holding onto Vegeta as he thrust into him. Goku thrashing around on bedsheets.

"Yikes!" Roshi's probing fingers in his mind recoiled at these strong images.

"You weren't expecting that, were you, old man."

"Wow! I didn't know Goku…I knew he was a queer one, but not literally…Hmm, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense…"

Vegeta relaxed a little, and gave Roshi more freedom to look at these memories. It was delicious schadenfreude to make him uncomfortable. Roshi leered at one memory of Vegeta bending Goku over the kitchen table and railing him from behind. Distinct sounds and smells were there, too. The sound of nails scraping against wood. Goku murmuring nonsense. Goku's distinct scent clinging to Vegeta's hot skin.

"Kakarot is a great fuck, isn't he?" Vegeta laughed.

Roshi ignored him and dug deeper into the memory. He drudged up Vegeta's emotions at the time. Pleasure appeared at the very top, along with pride. Beneath that, lay awe and respect for Goku's body, always willing to take every inch of him hungrily. "This is pretty interesting," Roshi said softly.

Vegeta panicked. Roshi sieved though the rest of his feelings in the memory like sand.

Desperation for Goku's approval was there. Kakarot, I hope you're enjoying this.

There was pity as well. Kakarot, did your wife ever make you feel this good?

Worry. I hope I'm not hurting you and you just never mention it.

Fear. No one's ever made me feel this good, Kakarot.

And finally, Roshi found what he was looking for: I love you, I love you, I love you—

"Please don't." It made Vegeta sick to beg, but this was too much.

"I can stop if you want. But we have to keep going if you want me to help you."

What do I need help with! Vegeta felt the urge to strangle Roshi rising within. He knew he didn't have to speak up to make his feelings known.

"Inside you're like a storm. Don't you want to know why?"

Vegeta grumbled. He sucked down the rest of his beer. "I can't sit here and let you humiliate me."

"You've got bigger problems, kid!" Roshi cackled.

Vegeta clenched his eyes shut tighter, and allowed Roshi deeper into his subconscious.

Underneath all the sex lay stupid, saccharine memories. Goku crinkling his nose in a cute way before sneezing. Goku sleeping and looking peaceful. Goku waking up and looking happy to see Vegeta. Goku watching a movie and tearing up.

"I knew I could find something in here that wouldn't scare the bejeezus out of me," Roshi said.

After that, the geezer lost interest in Goku. Something about Vegeta's childhood piqued his interest. Free of judgment, he delved into Vegeta's memories of growing up under Frieza's rule. The memories appeared and expanded, rapid-fire like an attack. Vegeta was furious at being exposed in this way, and wanted to get through it as quick as possible.

It was all clear as day.

At 12 years old, Vegeta and Raditz raze a planet to the ground. Vegeta licks the blood of the innocent from Raditz's face.

Vegeta is 15 years old now, and is having sex for the first time with Raditz on an empty planet. Vegeta is asked by Raditz to mate, and Vegeta laughs in his face like he heard a joke.

Vegeta is 19, so high from taking drugs from a conquered planet he gets lost in a solar system for a week straight. Nappa finds him, and lies to Frieza about why his elite soldier was M.I.A. Vegeta listens to Frieza talk about Saiyans like backwater scum.

Vegeta is 20 years old and wants to die; he contemplates the easiest way to kill himself in space. No one would miss him.

Vegeta approaches Frieza's chambers late one night. Frieza already knows Vegeta is there, and invites him inside to—

"Enough." Vegeta closed this particular part of his memories off to Roshi. "You do not need to know any more about me."

"What happened that night with Frieza?"

"Nothing."

"This is your most guarded secret." Roshi attempted to look at the hidden memory again, but failed.

The words falling out of Vegeta's mouth sounded like they belonged to a stranger. "I don't want Kakarot to know this about me."

"Why not?"

"Nnng…" Vegeta grit his teeth and unlocked the door to the memory.

Coldness. That's the first thing Vegeta remembered about that night years ago. The air was frigid.

Frieza was sitting on his bed. Vegeta had come looking for him, angry. Frieza laughs at him. "What do you want from me so late at night?"

Vegeta doesn't speak a word.

Frieza laughs again. "Do you need me to give you a little nightcap, monkey boy?"

Vegeta doesn't want to leave. This is the most shameful part of the memory. The choice is open to him. He could walk away now and pretend like none of this happened. Frieza would make fun of him later, but he'd get over it.

Instead, he walks to the bed and climbs onto the sheets. It's not like a normal bed, he notes. It's more like a bed made for dogs. Frieza takes all of his clothes off. He strokes Vegeta's tail while sticking his tongue down his throat. Vegeta could still leave, but he chooses not to.

"Sing for me, Prince Vegeta," Frieza says in a low purr. Vegeta happily obliges as Frieza enters him and pins him to the bed with heavy thrusts. This is worse than being a whore, he thinks in the fog of ecstasy, Whores at least get paid.

Right at the brink of exhaustion, Frieza kicks him out of bed. Frieza's purple mouth curls into a wicked snarl. "I hope you don't expect preferential treatment."

Vegeta shakes his head no. Coloring the whole memory is a complicated emotion bred from years of looking at it from different angles. Roshi tries to parse it. "So Frieza did give you special treatment after that night?"

"He did. Until he heard I was looking for the dragon balls."

"Would you say he—?"

"No. I enjoyed every minute of it."

"Hmm," was all Roshi said as judgment. "Give me a second here."

Roshi focused on a strong feeling buried even deeper in Vegeta's subconscious. "Under the Frieza memory is a strange emotion. It's about Goku," he said. "It's complicated for me to figure out."

Vegeta dug his fingernails into the armrest.

"Goku isn't like Frieza, you know."

"I know that!" Vegeta was on the verge of screaming. "I would never equate Kakarot with that foul beast."

"So why do you associate them both in your mind?"

"Kakarot doesn't know what I was like when I was a kid." Vegeta opened and closed his fists, his thoughts on the tip of his tongue. "If he ever knew…"

Roshi scratched his bald head. "There's something else here. Did you know you had a curse?"

"A curse? What do you mean?"

"Someone set a curse on you. It's disrupting the balance of your ki."

Vegeta thought back. "My father said something about a curse once, but I took it as mindless babbling."

"You should take it seriously. I don't know how to break it, but I imagine it has something to do with Goku. You should talk to him about it."

Instinctively, Vegeta ran his fingers through his short hair. "Maybe."

Roshi's power over Vegeta's mind faded. The two sat in silence on the beach. Roshi sipped on his beer, humming happily to himself.

"I am sorry for what I did when I first came to this planet," Vegeta said.

"Mmm-hmm. I can tell you mean it now! Goku must have done a real number on you." Roshi paused. "I forgive you. You're not the first man I've met to change his ways. Well done."

Vegeta rose from his chair. "PIG MAN!" he screamed.

Oolong peeped his head out the door of Kame House. The front of his pants were stained. "Yes?"

"I apologize for ever scaring you! And for killing your friends!"

Oolong shook violently. "Uh, thanks!" He ran back inside.

Vegeta nodded. He poised himself to fly away.

"Wait!" Roshi pointed at Vegeta's right hand. "You know better than to smoke those things."

"Hng. Bite me." Vegeta blasted off into the sky, savoring the warm sun on his back.

Goku groaned. "Bulma, this is hard." He lounged outside on the Capsule Corp lawn under a giant canopy with Bulma.

She sipped on her martini. It was only mid-afternoon, but she was halfway to being white girl wasted. "What's the matter? Is it with the list?"

"Yeah." Goku looked up at the sky and admired the clouds. "I don't think I can stop myself from doing the "number one" on my list again."

"Let me read it?" she asked with a slight slur.

Goku quirked his brow. "Don't you think it's too early in the day to be drinking?"

"It's never too early to get crunk, Goku. Cough up the list."

He rummaged in his jean pocket. "Here ya go."

"Okay, let's take a look. Oh, wow!" Bulma bit her lip to hold back a wide grin. "Vegeta did this with you the other day?"

Goku scratched the back of his head. "Uh-huh. We didn't go the whole way, though."

"Wow." She scanned her eyes over the rest of the list. "The first thing you want him to do is pretty harsh. Do you really think he'll apologize to all of our friends?"

"He's doing it right now."

"No way!" She slapped Goku's shoulder.

"Ow!"

"Shut-up! He is not apologizing. Do you expect me to believe he's just flyin' around the world," she said, spilling some of her drink, "apologizing to people?" She cackled and put on her best Vegeta impression. "I'm so sorry for killing you, Yamcha! Let's be BFFs!"

Goku shyly ran his fingers through his hair. "He apologized to Krillen last night when we were over at his place for dinner. I couldn't believe it either."

"Wow. That's…incredible." She sipped on her drink and stared off into the distance. "The Prince of all Saiyans is still full of surprises. I never would've guessed."

Goku grinned. He wasn't going to rub it in Bulma's face, but never in a million years could she get Vegeta to do this for her. "I think he's going to be really proud of himself once he's done, too. It's hard to not jump him again."

"You gotta stay focused, Goku! Now's not the time to get soft on him. Trust me, once you drag him through the mud a little bit, he's going to be on his hands and knees begging for your cock."

"Bulma!" Goku gasped at her language.

"Sooo, let's look at the next thing on your list." She scanned the piece of paper again, and frowned. "The next thing you want to do is…take him out on a date?"

"Yep!"

"Goku…that doesn't count. Vegeta loves being wined and dined."

"Maybe by you."

Bulma's forehead creased. "Oh…I get it! There's no way he would let a man take him out on the town!"

"Exactly. I want it to be a real date. I want to pick him up and everything." Goku's eyes glimmered as he got carried away with the fantasy. "I want us to dress up, and I want us to hold hands. I want to show him the world!"

"Slow your roll, Princess Jasmine." Bulma finished off her drink. "I'm already starting to see how much he's gonna hate this."

Goku rubbed his hands together. He didn't want to tell Bulma his real motivation behind the date. Not just yet. "Maybe he'll like it by the end. Who knows? If he agrees to it, I'll know he's really trying his best."

"Oh, Goku. So sweet and innocent. If I were you, I'd make Vegeta do something fucked up. Like get a job or something." She placed her hand on her chin, thinking. "Oh my gosh! I can help him get ready for the date! That way you can come over here to pick him up!"

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Of course." Bulma winked. "You are my best friend, after all, and we girls gotta stick together."

Goku blushed and hoped that was just the alcohol talking.

All Vegeta knew about Yamcha was that he lived in a flat in West City. Goku gave him the address, so it wasn't too difficult to find. After arriving, he saw the neighborhood was much more metropolitan than Krillen's modest home in the suburbs. Yamcha's flat was on the second floor of a luxurious apartment complex. Vegeta walked up the flight of stairs, wondering how the hell he was supposed to greet the man.

Vegeta felt heat rising to his face. He knew very little about the fighter. Bulma spent years with the human, but barely mentioned him over the course of their own relationship. To Vegeta, he was just the goofy dude that banged Bulma until she got an upgrade.

In contrast, Goku held a lot of respect for Yamcha and always said good things about him whenever the topic came up. It wasn't until a month ago he even discovered Yamcha was a desert bandit as a teenager.

He pressed the buzzer next to Yamcha's door. The door opened. "'Bout time that pizza…oh, HEY!"

Vegeta stepped back. "You're not wearing any pants."

Yamcha stood before Vegeta completely nude. Only the guitar he clutched between his hands separated the air between them. "Whoops! Well, you can come in while I get some clothes on."

Vegeta stared at Yamcha's receding backside, and followed him into the flat. It was impressive—the farthest west wall was made of glass, and he could see the beautiful sound just outside of the city. Sunlight sparkled on the water in the far distance. Vegeta eyed the glass cases in the rest of the apartment. Gold baseball trophies were proudly displayed in each corner. Not a bad place for a bachelor. Where does he hide the blue cat?

Yamcha came back into the living room wearing only a pair of sweatpants. "Make yourself comfortable on the couch. Do you want me to make you a drink?"

This is weird. "Okay," Vegeta said.

"What do you like?"

Why is he so goddamn cheerful? "I don't care."

"Rum and coke it is!" Yamcha walked to the kitchen and busied himself with mixing the drink. "So, why'd you stop by? Just wanted to hang out or something?"

The fuck? "Hang out? No. Kakarot wanted me to tell you something."

"Oh, Goku? How is he these days?"

"We're living together. And we're in a relationship."

Yamcha sputtered. "Really? Whoa." He stared blankly out the window. "So you're not with Bulma anymore?"

"No." Vegeta tilted his head and studied Yamcha's facial expression for his reaction.

"That's…too bad."

"Everything was mutual." Vegeta narrowed his eyes. "You aren't upset at learning Kakarot likes men?"

"It is pretty weird." Yamcha stirred the drink in his hand but kept his eyes staring blankly out the window. "But it doesn't surprise me much. He was never into chicks."

"Funny. That's what the Turtle Hermit said as well."

Yamcha shook his head. He walked back to the couch and handed the drink off to Vegeta. "You visited Master Roshi?"

"Just now." Vegeta swirled the drink around, and took a sip. Something about being here…was off. Yamcha sat down across from him with a drink of his own. "I went to apologize to him."

"For what?"

"For creating so much chaos when I first arrived." Vegeta stared at Yamcha over the rim of his glass. The larger man was sizing him up. Why? "I want to apologize to you, too. You know, about the Saibamen…"

"Oh! Yeah, that was pretty shitty." He laughed heartily and rest his feet on the ottoman between them. He flipped Vegeta off. "I accept your apology, but only if I get to give you a big fuck you."

"That's fair."

"You have changed." Yamcha downed the rest of his drink. "How about I play some music?" He sauntered to the opposite end of the room, and turned on his large stereo system. Mellow classic rock bled from the hi-def speakers.

"For a moment I thought you were going to play a song on your guitar."

"On this?" Yamcha picked up the acoustic guitar from earlier. "I'm just starting to learn. Trust me, you don't want to hear me chicken-peck at a bunch of strings."

"Hand it over."

Yamcha gently lay the guitar in Vegeta's lap, and sat back down on the couch next to him. Experimentally, Vegeta strummed the guitar strings. He played a melody. After a few minutes, his fingers slipped and he gave up. He blushed and looked over at Yamcha's gaping mouth.

"I didn't know you liked to play guitar!"

"I don't." Vegeta set the instrument down. "It reminded me of an instrument from my youth. That's all."

"You should take lessons." Yamcha raised his left arm and slung it across the back of the couch. Near Vegeta's shoulders. "If not for an instrument, maybe for something else. It's important to have a hobby to distract you sometimes."

Vegeta grunted. The lyrics from the song playing on the stereo messed with Vegeta's thoughts, swaying his emotions in a way he couldn't quite pinpoint.

Another year and then you'd be happy…Just one more year and then you'd be happy…But you're cryin', you're crying' now…

"Do you want another drink?"

"Sure."

Vegeta didn't remember Yamcha getting up and making more drinks. But when he blinked again, Yamcha's thigh was flush against his own and his arm around him again.

He heard his heart beating. Reflexively, he patted the front of his jacket. "Do you mind if I smoke?"

"No."

Vegeta lit a cigarette and took the longest drag in the world. Yamcha slid it out of his hand, and took a long smoke himself.

Up close, Yamcha was very handsome. The scar on his face was the only thing that marred his looks. In his youth he was probably a pretty boy. Bulma had mentioned him having a fan club while they were still dating.

This drink…tasted stronger than the last one.

Yamcha licked his lips. "What do you and Goku do every day? Spar?"

"Yes. Among other things."

"What other things?"

"We fuck."

Yamcha broke the tension with another laugh. He got up and grabbed the bottle of Coke and Bacardi from the kitchen counter. "What's that like?"

"Sex with Kakarot? Like everything else he does, he gives it his all." Vegeta focused on his cigarette and watched his hand tremble.

Yamcha sat down again. He refilled their glasses. "Does he have a big dick?"

"I don't kiss and tell."

"Then what about you?"

Vegeta downed the new drink. He positioned himself so he stared directly into Yamcha's eyes. Yamcha didn't shy away from the stare. In fact, he pressed himself close enough to Vegeta for the Prince to feel his breath on his cheek. Yamcha's large hand trailed up Vegeta's knee until it reached the inside of his thigh.

Vegeta exhaled. "I don't think you'll be finding out today." He stood up. Dizzy. "I should leave now. I've still got to visit the rest of your stupid friends before the day ends."

Yamcha giggled uncontrollably. "Of course!"

Goku bounced up and down on his heels. He hoped showing up at the high school wasn't too creepy, but he didn't have much time to waste!

At 3:50PM, a bell rung across the small campus. Teenagers fled from the building as if let out of prison. Goku felt their eyes judge him as they walked past. A group of girls pointed at him and burst into a fit of giggles. He was out of his element. How different would he be if he'd spent his youth in school instead of training? He always felt Gohan was too exceptional to waste away in a classroom, regardless of whether the world needed saving. Good thing that in the end, his oldest son loved being a nerd.

"Uncle Goku?" Marron's blue eyes were wide as she walked toward him.

"Ay, kiddo!" He pulled her until a hug and spun her around in the air.

She held onto her straw hat, laughing. "What're you doing here?"

"I have a favor to ask." Goku set her back down on Earth. He ignored all the kids now gawking at them both. "I was wondering if you could make a ring for me."

"For Uncle Vegeta?"

"Yeah. How'd you know?"

"I had a feeling you wanted to give him a gift." She pulled a small sketchbook from the pocket of her dress. "Do you need an engagement ring?"

Goku fell over. "I'm not proposing to him! I just want to give him something special, you know?"

"Riiight. What do you want the ring to look like?"

"Oof, I have no idea. I'm not good at that kind of thing."

"Hmm…" She drew a few sketches on her paper. "I have an idea, but I'll need your help. Do you think you can gather the dragon balls for me?"

Goku's face darkened. "What are you going to wish for?"

"Let's walk and talk." She grabbed his hand and dragged him along the sidewalk.

Two cartons of cigarettes later, Vegeta finally finished his task. He'd traveled the whole world apologizing to Goku's dumb friends. To each and every one, he'd explained how they were in a relationship as well. The three-eyed fuck and his clown child were shocked. Gohan was flattered, but too busy with his daughter to pay him close attention. Piccolo had been particularly nasty, and accused him of taking advantage of Goku's good will. He wanted to smash the Namekian through his stupid green head. But that would have been an inappropriate way to end his day of atonement, so he stuck with giving Piccolo the tried-and-true middle finger before flying off.

It was nighttime. His arrival at Goku's house was far from elegant. After landing, he stumbled on the lawn and smashed his shoulder into a rock in the front yard. "Shit." He stood and dusted himself off. One too many drinks at Yamcha's.

"Vegeta!" Goku ran outside of the house, smiling. He hugged Vegeta's middle and pulled him close to his chest. "I missed you!"

"I did it," Vegeta said, catching his breath. "I apologized to every single one of those cretins."

"You're so sweet." Goku gazed down at Vegeta's face. His smile faded quickly, and Vegeta felt his stomach drop. "You smell funny."

"I've been traipsing all over the planet today." Vegeta beelined toward the front door and walked inside. He tripped over the welcome mat, and steadied himself by catching onto the door knob. Grumbling, he walked over to the living room couch and collapsed.

"Are you drunk?" Vegeta heard the front door close behind him. He closed his eyes and waited for Goku to join him on the couch. But his partner just stood near the door, sniffing the air. "You smell like alcohol."

Fuck. "I had a few drinks while over at Yamcha's apartment. It's not a big deal."

Goku ignored him and kept sniffing the air. "You smell like him. A lot."

What is he, a fucking dog? "So what?"

"Vegeta." Never had he heard his name spoken so intently. Goku knew him too well. He didn't even have ask what the problem was. The question hung in the air between them like a bad stench.

"He came onto me. But I turned him down."

He opened his eyes, and was met with Goku's furious gaze set upon him. Vegeta felt tiny. Goku bit his lip, deep in thought. "How close did he get to you?"

"He touched my leg. That's all. I assure you, it was nothing."

The unbridled anger in Goku's face transformed into confusion. "You smell like smoke, too."

Vegeta groaned. Did he really have to deal with all of this right now? After getting mind-fucked by Roshi, then felt up by Bulma's ex-boyfriend? "Fine. I've been hiding a secret from you, Kakarot. I smoke cigarettes." He pulled the empty pack from his jacket pocket and waved it in front of his face. "I've been bad. I'm sorry."

Finally, Goku joined Vegeta on the couch. "You could have told me."

"Does this mean I have to stop now?"

"Uh-huh."

"Ugh." Vegeta rolled over. Nausea rolled through his stomach. "You really know how to take the fun out of life."

Goku scoot closer. "Is that all Yamcha did to you? Touch your leg?"

"I wouldn't lie about that. I promise." Vegeta stared at Goku upside-down. "But what about poor me? I'm the one who got harassed while proving my loyalty to you."

"Ha. I bet you liked the attention." Goku's voice was less on edge, and for that Vegeta was grateful. "Hey, do you think I should pay him a visit?"

"What do you mean? Do you want to go beat him up?"

Goku laughed and scratched his head. "Kinda!"

Vegeta stared at the ceiling. He felt…flattered? His Goku was so devout, he'd pummel one of his childhood friends just for catching a hard-on around his Prince. "You'd really beat the shit out of Yamcha for me?"

"I would scare him," Goku said, deadpan.

"I'm thrilled you're loyal to your prince."

Goku smiled. "I've got a surprise for you."

"Oh? I hope it's a reward for all of my hard work today."

"Maybe so. Why don't you take a look in the mirror?"

Vegeta flew off the couch. He staggered into the hallway bathroom and flipped the light switch on.

His hair was much longer! Using his fingers, he combed through the locks. It was half his normal length. "What the actual fuck is going on?"

"Maybe being good makes your hair grow back!" Goku yelled from the next room.

Vegeta grasped both sides of the bathroom sink. He frowned at his reflection. "Bullshit."