27. Its Addicting
Tomoe watched his red blood wash out into the sink, His eyes were glazed over in complete nothingness. His heart was slowly beating as his hair fanned his face as he stared at his little work of art.
He drew on his skin... He drew on it with his own claws, And he let the pain and lifeline flow out into a drain.
Finally Tomoe bit his lip as pain surged through his arm. The school bell rang through his ears and his chest lifted with panic. If someone saw him doing this? He would be expelled or worse..
The fox put his arm under the water without thinking and suddenly screamed out in pain. The water was warm and it stung like fox-fire. He ground his teeth and yanked his arm out quickly. He grabbed a paper towel and then gasped when he heard people coming.
This was his first time doing something so harsh to himself; but for some reason.. After he did it? All he could focus on was the pain in his arm, and not the pain around him. Everything was okay for a split second..
Or at least thats what he thought. He knew that what he was doing wasn't taking away his problems or his pains; it was just dulling it until his arm would heal up. Then he would feel it again.
Tomoe swallowed as he ran into a bathroom stall and shut the door. He sunk down on the floor as people filed in and then left; yacking to themselves about how great their lives were.
The fox breathed out and looked down at his arm. The bleeding had almost stopped and he notcied that he was careful enough not to get anything on his white shirt. He breathed out and then grabbed another paper towel. He wrapped his arm firmly until he could make it home; then he pulled his long sleeves down and buttoned them so that no one would notice.
He hoped he didn't run into Mizuki or Kurama; They would know something was wrong.
His body was shaking and he was jittery at the pain. His mind was all on what he did; Maybe he was in shock? He wasn't sure anymore.
Tomoe stood slowly and opened the stall, He stepped out and them looked at the bathroom mirror. It was the broken one and all he notcied was how his reflection was broken and torn into pieces..
Just like how he was on the inside; and now?
He was like that on the outside too.. He slashed his skin and tore it in a piece. He swallowed and shuddered. He rubbed his wrist through his shirt and winced at the feeling..
This feeling was..
Addicting..
Because, He could feel something other then rejection and reality. He felt pain in his body but at least it took away the thoughts of his father. This feeling was a little too addicting, It was scaring him..
More than he liked to admit.
Tomoe slammed the door to his house and ran a hand through his hair as his school bag slipped to the ground with a thud; his eyes were wide and his skin was pale. He had been thinking about what he had done..
'My father won't even see it."
Tomoe shook his head and tried to get rid of that thought. Mikage saw his pain when his mother died; but then again.. Maybe that was only because Mikage was in pain too. Or was it because Tomoe screamed and cried for her?
Did he have to scream and cry for attention?
The fox shook his head and walked to the kitchen, he opened the fridge with a shaky hand and paused when he saw the orange juice. It reminded him of when Mikage told him not to drink from the cartin..
He ground his teeth as he grabbed it and popped the lid off. He closed his eyes as his lips made contact with the nuzzle and he chugged to juice out of its container. Tomoe's heart seemed to pound and his arm was throbbing hard .
He knew it was the cut.. And maybe the loss of blood. He had cut deep but not enough to kill him; Just enough to make a scar..
A pin scar that would stay there for the rest of his life, and maybe never fade away.
The fox put the jug back and looked at the Sasamochi on the counter; He picked on up and literally chucked it at the wall. It smashed against it and its sweet dough splattered everywhere. Tomoe glared at the rest of them and suddenly gagged.
He picked them up and threw them in the trash, Getting rid of his father's fake concern. The fox whimpered as the glass plate fell into the can too and he leaned his head against the wall. His ears flattened and he tried to breath out as his chest shook.
He was alone in this house and he had no clue where Nanami was. She was usualy here by now but then again, Lately she had been hanging out with Kei and Ami. She was always talking about a band or a group of kids that were' Cool' In her eyes.
He turned around and paused when he saw a flash of brown. He blinked and walked towards the kitchen door only to see Nanami cleaning up the house. She was dusting and smiling as she worked.
Tomoe clamped his mouth shut; at least she could smile. That was the only thing he could smile at.
As long as her father didn't butt in, then he was okay. Right now he had to deal with his own issues, and yet? He was worrying about Nanami's. It was the only thing he could do, or the only thing that satisfied him.
He groaned as his heart lurched in his chest. He swallowed and started to turn to go to his room.
He had to realize... Now he had to wear long sleeved shirts; He was going to have a scar; plus.. He didn't trust himself. He knew that the feeling from earlier was pounding agianst his mind and making him want to do it again.. He wanted to not think about it all.
He turned but suddenly felt something grab his wrist. he hissed in pain and slapped it away with force. When he turned he saw Nanami holding her hand in shock. She opened her mouth but closed it quickly at Tomoe's feral look. He looked tired and worn out.. As if sleep wasn't coming to him at all.
"I was just going to say that I ordered dinner. Plus Mom is coming home earlier from work; so we should eat together."
Tomoe swallowed, His stomach turned and he looked away. He wished his dad was here; but all he ever did was work. He had come home bu tit was only for a day. It wasn't even something that could be considered a visit. It was more like a pass and go..
And Tomoe was the side attraction that he checked on to see if it changed over the year. No matter what Tomoe did, or what he would say? His father didn't know; and his new found discovery?
His father would probably never even know that Tomoe...
With just one slit of his wrist...
Had become addicted to cutting himself..
Tomoe yawned as his hand reached out and tried to find his alarm button. It shocked him that it was two in the morning and it desided to go off. He did not set it for that time but it wasn't his fault.
His alarm clock needed to be replaced so he had to shut it off before it woke up Gwen and Nanami in the other rooms. It blared Red's Song, 'Same Disease; in his ears as he slammed the off button down and ground his teeth.
His eyes were heavy but he didn't seem to care; he was awake now...
Tomoe rolled his violet eyes and sat up slowly; his hair falling perfectly in its natural stance. He sweeped it out of his eye sight and then yawned lightly. He didn't sit up for long before he plopped back over and stared at the roof.
He blinked as he stretched; making his arm rub against the sheets that he was laying on. He ground his teeth in pain as he looked at his red, and slightly irritated skin. Tomoe didn't know why it looked that way. He supposed it was normal..
This was all to new to him.
He lifted his wrists and ran his tongue over it, a loud pained whimper escaped his mouth and he slumped against his pillow. It hurt and it stung.. but for some reason.. It took away his thoughts for a short time.
The kitsune grabbed his cell phone that was beside his bed and clicked it to life. It made a funny noise before he saw all his junk e-mail pop up. He deleted a few and then paused when he came to a message.
It was an old message that he kept when he felt like crap. Mikage had sent it to him when he first got the phone and his eyes welled up with tears as he read it to himself.
'You don't need this thing; I'm beside you. No matter what.'
Tomoe's hand clenched the phone as he threw it and let it hit the wall with a lite impact. The fox sunk down in the covers and shuddered at the cold. His body temperature was making him shake and his teeth clattered in pain.
He looked up as his eyes started to drift shut on his pain; his wrist throbbed but for some reason he didn't mind. It hurt but when he thought this? He didn't have to think of his father and how aweful of a dad he could be. All he thought about was, ' Why does it throb? Will it stop? When... When..
When Can I do it again?
Will that be to much?
Tomoe looked at his wrist and paused, It was red and scabbed. It hurt and burned and the fox let his hair shade his eyes as he winced out into the night. When could he do it again? Why did he want to do it again? He swallowed as he looked at his other wrist. It was fine and nothing seemed to hurt it..
Yes.. This feeling was absolutly..
Addicting.
Gwen sighed into the phone and shook her head, " NO. I cannot afford a divorce lawyer. Its impossible." She paused, " Yes, Yes.. I know I'm a doctor but I have a daughter to support."
The woman sighed as her concversation went on. She had to find a way to get a cheap lawyer and stay at home with her daughter. Being away from Nanami was hard for her and she wondered how mikage and Tomoe did it so well. She shook her head and sighed.
It was two in the morning and she was just getting home from work. She NEVER did this... At all really; but a 911 call had made her night a living nightmare. It was full of blood and surgery. She wondered how she could take these things sometimes..
She pulled into the driveway in Mikage's car. he had it fixed not to long ago and now he let her use it as he went out of town for business. She climbed out and went inside.
The house was dark as her heels clicked in the hallways and clattered against the stairs. She pushed her hair to the side as she opened her daughters door and quickly covered her back up.
Nanami seemed to like to toss and turn in her sleep and sadly Gwen knew that was NOT from her. It was from her father.. It amazed the woman that Nanami had stayed so innocent through the years of verbal abuse and torture. She clucked her tongue and walked out.
Next she went to Tomoe's room and found him huddled in a small ball. His hair fanned over his face as his chest rose and fell. She smiled to herself and then rolled her eyes when she saw he was wearing a long sleeved shirt.
it was like ninety degrees in the house but she wouldn't question it. She chuckled and covered the fox up, makind him whimper.
"D-Dad..." He shuddered in his sleep and Gwen paused.
She smiled lightly as she tucked him in and patted his head in a motherly way. He sighed and curled into a cat like ball; his body seemed to fit in the position and his breath came out evenly. She thought it was cute as she walked out and closed the door.
She didn't know how Tomoe and Mikage did it.. Because she couldnt stand being away from her daughter for so long. They had to be strong..
But sadly she had no idea how much pain the kistune was going through..
To bad she had no idea that he had a canvas that he had just got addicted to painting on.
To back she didn't know that pain made the fox moan and sigh away to horrid pain of what he was feeling. Abandonment and agony..
'She didn't know that This innocent fox..
'Was cutting himself'
Tomoe took the orange juice jug and started to drink from it again. Nanami watched him and pouted slightly. Something was off about Tomoe; she just didn't know what. Ever since yesterday she felt bad. He had slapped her away and then he didn't eat anything.
It scared her; but she didn't know why. Tomoe wasn't one to open up about he things that ticked him off.
She watched the fox tugged at his sleeves and then sigh as a large yawn overcame him. She titled her head to the side and then smiled lightly.
"Hey, You want me to fix us some Sasa-"
"No.." Tomoe cut her off and quickly grabbed his jacket. He walked out of the kitchen and The girl blinked in shock; Tomoe loved Sasamochi. In fact that morning his eyes was letting on like he was somewhere else completely. He ate some cereal and picked at it. Hi shair was brushed like always but his personality was a bit off..
It was like he was depressed.. And for some reason?
Nanami felt uneasy about this whole thing..
Tomoe sighed into his phone as his father smiled and cheered on the ther side, " I got you something, Tomoe! You'll love it!"
The fox only sighed," Sure.."
"Oh and.. I wanted to ask how your hormones were acting? It worries me.." Mikage sounded a bit causlly and Tomoe found himself gritting his teeth and smiling at the same time. The smile came out creepy and the fox chuckled fakely,
"Their fne. No slip ups. Plus my ankle is a little better.. Just so you know." Tomoe spat out a little harshly. Mikage only giggled,
"I'm glad Tomoe; Your mom would be so proud of you!"
Tomoe almost dropped his phone of the pavement; His eyes glassed over and he gulped down the bile that rose up in his throat, " I have to get off.." He muttered slightly and paused, " Bye."
He closed his cell and breathed. How dare Mikage say that his mother would be proud! WASN'T HE PROUD?! Why was Tomoe even there! It was like he was some sort of experiment. A god and a Yoaki desided to have a child and see what it could be become, then they got him and everything crashed and burned into the ground!
Tomoe ground his teeth; Mizuki and Kurama had wanted to come over today but he told them he didn't feel well and to stay at home. They agreed so Tomoe could relax without their constant talk.
He slammed the door and stormed to his room. He walked into the bathroom and yawned. Tomoe started to look for his brush when he noticed a text.
'I would be there hugging you; BUT, I have to do this meeting my good pal!'
Tomoe rolled his eyes. He swallowed and then gasped when he saw his mother's grave picture stuck in his bathroom mirror. He pulled it out and ground his teeth together. He didn't want to see this picture..
It was his mother, Him and Mikage.. He swallowed the bile in his throat and then placed the picture down. That picture gave him nightmares of the one night..
He sunk down to the floor as his head started to hurt and thrash him back into memories he hated,
'She only has a few minutes kid; Say goodbye.'
'Momma is gonnna die..'
"Sorry, But we did all we could.. Say goodbye'
'But.. Will I ever see her again?'
'Kid.. You dont get death do you?'
Tomeo sucked in his breath as hot tears streamed down his face and he wrapped his arms around his torsoe. He swallowed and looked up as tears strolled down his cheeks and collected in puddles under his face.
'What's ... Death?'
'You'll never see her again, She's going in the ground.'
The fox whimpered as he stuffed the picture in front of him into a drawr and closed it tightly. His hands shook and he swallowed as tears kept coming down and staining his face.
He looked at his wrists and held it above the sink for the second time, he ground his teeth and closed his eyes as he felt the pain surge through him. Warmth flooded out of him as his teeth bared and he yelped out. He gripped the counter top until his knuckles turned white. The fox gasped for air and then shook his head slightly.. Tears welled up In his eyes as he thought about the one person that would have been there for him. His mother.
Nanami was trying to be there but she was so innocent; and she had her own problems. She was loosing her dad and her mother and her was homeless with Mikage and Him. Plus he knew Nanami. She would pity him more than anyone. He wanted Nanami to stay his best friend. She was the one person that never seemed to hate him.
She was his Best friend and he couldn't loose her to something like this.
'Sorry Mom'
"But Its Addicting.. Because..It takes the pain from my heart away.. I don't like what I'm doing.. It scares me and makes me shake; but..'
'I Can't Stop..'
Don't worry guys, This story is not going to be like this all the time.. Yes, It has drama and Romance so bear with me on this. Some of these chapters might be brutal..
Nothing terribly over the edge but it does involve cutting. Just so you guys don't get mad at me.. Haha. Its a Romantic, Humor. So its supposed to be funny, yes its in one of those arches where things are dim; But it won't always be. So read and Enjoy..
Thanks For reading! Its means the world! XD