"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Chloe had asked Max two nights ago as they both lounged in bed, holding each other tenderly. Max had been wearing old sweatpants and a plain blue t-shirt, but Chloe had only worn an oversized shirt for some band Max had never heard of and a pair of comfortable old boxers.
She remembered the strangest little details, sometimes. Little snapshots of the past. It reminded her of something Jefferson had mentioned in that endless lecture where everything had started, but that detail didn't hurt so much to think about. He'd been right.
Max had been quiet for a long moment, her head resting on Chloe's breast.. "Honestly, no, I'm not. But... Chloe, this is bad. My head. I haven't been the same since the storm and you know it."
Chloe furrowed her brow. "Well, of course not. Anyone would be a little weird after seeing the shit you went through." Max could feel her tense a little. "Not that you're weird or anything, I-" She sighed. "Shit."
Max's hand crept down Chloe's arm and entwined her fingers with the other woman's. Their forearms were warm and soft against each other in the cool dark. "No, Chloe, you're right. I have been weird. I have you, and I'm so, so grateful for that. Your understanding..." She shook her head slightly, the fabric of Chloe's shirt scratching at her ear. "It means everything to me, and you know it."
Chloe's fingers tightened around hers. "Of course I do."
"But... it can't just be you. Can it?" Max struggled to find the words. "I need a therapist, and we both know that isn't an option." They'd spent real time talking about that in the past. "But I can't just... keep it inside me forever. I've seen what happens to people who do that. It feels like this... bullshit is all I am, and I can't let anyone know a single thing about it."
Chloe pressed a kiss gingerly on the top of Max's head. She smelled like perfume and cigarettes - a smell that had become comforting over the past two months. "Max... I know it's hard. I can't be in your head with you, but... I see it. Even when you're asleep, I can see it." She hesitated, choosing her words carefully. "I don't know Kate like you do. I imagine it and I just... Max, I don't want her to hurt you. Even by accident."
"She-" Max began.
Chloe shook her head. "Let me finish, okay? I'm right there with you. If we can find a way for you to... get it out. An outlet, or something, you know I am one hundred percent your support. What would it do to you if you opened up to her and she just... threw it in your face." She squeezed Max's hand again. "Okay, maybe she wouldn't do that, but could you handle the disbelief? It was hard enough for me to accept it, and that's when you were still using your power."
Max flexed her left hand, her free hand, uncomfortably.
"I know Kate means a lot to you, and I know how grateful she is after the roof thing. I just want you to be careful, okay?"
Doubts had flown around Max's head like flocks of birds. She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, thinking. She might have told Warren in another timeline, and although he had believed her then, would Kate? How would Kate react? Could she handle it if Kate couldn't believe her? She wasn't sure. But...
"I have to try. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day but... I have to try." She subconsciously snuggled a little closer to Chloe. "I don't know if it's the right thing to do, or a smart thing to do. But I think this is important. If anyone would believe me... it'd be her."
Chloe nuzzled Max's hair with her cheek, closing her eyes. "Then I'm right there with you, Super-Max. I'll back you up."
Max smiled. Chloe could always make her smile, no matter how uncertain she felt. "Thanks, Chloe. I'll... I'll let you know when I'm ready."
Max could feel Chloe's lips twist into a smile as well. "Wouldn't miss it."
The hospital's cafeteria wasn't exactly a bastion of fine cuisine, and it smelled a little like antiseptic, which was off-putting, but they weren't here for the food. Not really.
Max, Chloe, and Kate sat around a little table in the corner, far away from the hungry nurses and doctors and families of patients. There weren't a lot of them around, and they'd been able to get a little isolation. Max was thankful for that privacy.
They'd presented Kate with the little styrofoam box full of pancakes, and, miraculously, she'd managed to scrounge up a couple packets of syrup and butter from the buffet. Kate loved sweet things.
Max watched Kate as she spread butter over the top of them, then daintily pulled the top from the little tub of syrup and carefully poured it over a single pancake.
Chloe watched Max a little more intently than usual. Max had a sinking feeling that Chloe was preparing to bail the two of them out of the cafeteria if the conversation went badly. She hoped Chloe would have the good sense to let her try first.
She glanced over at Chloe, giving her head the tiniest little shake. No trouble.
Chloe rolled her eyes.
Setting the now empty syrup container to the side of her plate, Kate picked up her little plastic fork and knife and cut into the pancake, seemingly oblivious to the two of them.
Max let her enjoy that first bite before speaking up. God, she was nervous. She forced a little cheer into her voice and hoped it wasn't too obvious. "How's the volunteering been going, Kate? I haven't seen you in a couple weeks."
Kate smiled broadly, and she looked up from her food. "It's been going really great, Max! The people here are so nice, and I feel like I've been able to do really good work. Helping people, like you helped me."
Max loved Kate, but she kind of wished the other girl would stop bringing that up all the time. Max didn't feel like a hero, and it made her a little uncomfortable to be reminded of it too frequently. She supposed it was a really important in Kate's life, but it felt so... obscene. "I'm really glad, Kate."
Kate sliced off another sliver of pancake, chewed, and swallowed before responding. "Oh, you've heard it all before. We've talked about it so much, I'd probably just be repeating myself."
Max knew what she had to say, but now that she was here, she really didn't want to say it. What if Kate thought she was crazy? What if she was about to ruin their friendship? What if-
Nope. She wasn't going to go down that road, but she wasn't ready. When in doubt, procrastinate.
"No, you know I love to hear it! I'm so glad to hear you're doing okay." Max smiled warmly, shoving thoughts of the real conversation she'd come to have to the back of her mind. "We haven't talked much lately anyway. Fill me in!"
Chloe coughed, then twitched her head toward Kate. Max shook her head again.
They chatted for a few minutes, Max and Kate, about the minutia of volunteering at the hospital, about Kate's pet rabbit, Alice, about Max and Chloe. She was making friends here, Max learned, which was such a relief to hear. Kate wasn't mistreated at school anymore, but most of the time it seemed like no one but Max was close to her, either.
Chloe was growing more visibly uncomfortable by the minute.
Kate's stack of pancakes dwindled. She continued to add syrup to each pancake individually, politely swallowing before speaking. She wouldn't be caught dead speaking with her mouth full.
"Nobody's been giving you any trouble, have they?" Max asked as the conversation turned toward school.
Kate shook her head. "No, everyone is still being really nice to me. Um, the people who don't just avoid me, anyway."
"Victoria?"
Kate nodded. "I'd kind of like to talk to her, you know? I feel like I should tell her that I've forgiven her, especially after all that trouble she went to to apologize when I got out of the hospital."
"You're a good person, Kate." Better than me, definitely.
Kate smiled, but looked away. "I don't know about that. I just think Victoria is probably in a lot of pain too, you know? I'd like to help her." She touched the silvery cross hanging from her neck, perhaps unconsciously. Kate was a genuinely good person. Religion gave her an outlet.
Max sometimes wondered how much of Kate's sweet, generous personality had to do with her devout beliefs, and how much was just Kate. She supposed it didn't matter, but she leaned more toward the latter, especially after what she'd heard of Kate's mother and her extended family. Frankly, it was a wonder they hadn't beaten that compassion out of her. But that was Kate, wasn't it? She was a lot stronger than anyone gave her credit for. Everyone remembered the tears, and forgot how much suffering it had taken to reach that point.
Max shrugged. "I think she's insecure, definitely." She'd heard that much from Victoria's own lips, in another timeline. "But in a lot of pain?"
Kate nodded. "Maybe I'm being silly, but I don't think she's so bad, deep down. I think she feels like she has to be the way she is."
"A bitch?" Chloe interjected helpfully.
Kate gave her a look that was slightly reproachful, but she couldn't help smiling.
Chloe just grinned. Max was pretty sure Chloe and Victoria had never been in the same room together, but Chloe had heard all Max's horror stories.
"I feel bad for her. Pain makes people act in ways they shouldn't," Kate said sadly. "It's different for everybody. I've been there, you know? I know what it's like to feel forced into being something you're not. I'd just like to talk to her. Maybe she doesn't want to be friends with me, and that's okay, but I think that conversation would be good for both of us." The fact that it might be cathartic for Kate herself seemed almost an afterthought.
Chloe mostly looked startled, but she kept on leaning back in her chair, balancing on two legs.
Max reached out and touched Kate's hand. "I'm proud of you, Kate. You've come a long way."
Kate looked back at her and smiled. "I'd like to think so." She hesitated. "But... something tells me you didn't come here for small talk."
Max's stomach dropped out from under her, and her blood ran cold. Oh, fuck.
"You said you wanted to tell me something. You... seemed pretty serious when you said it, too." Kate looked down, gently closing the styrofoam box, as if looking for an excuse to do something with her hands.
"I..." Max said. She'd prepared a speech, a way to broach the subject, but now that Kate was confronting her with it, she had forgotten all of it. It wasn't like she could just laugh it off, now. She had to say something.
Chloe leaned forward. The raised legs of her chair touched ground with a gentle clunk. The average person wouldn't have noticed, but Max could see her go tense from the corner of her eye, as if getting ready to spring.
Kate waited expectantly but politely, looking down at her hands. She seemed a little nervous, too. We need to talk is never a sentiment that breeds much in the way of confidence, Max supposed.
She took a deep breath. "I just... wanted to tell you something about me. Something that... It might seem a little crazy, but you know I would never lie to you or try to pull a prank like this on you."
"It couldn't be worse than you being gay, could it?" Her voice stayed jovial, but Kate was clearly unsettled, yet still making an effort to keep the mood light. Her brow furrowed, and she leaned in closer to examine Max. "Hey, are you okay...?"
Max nodded, but she couldn't speak. She had to focus on her breathing. That was step one, right? She couldn't talk about it if she wasn't calm, or else she'd absolutely spiral down into a panic attack, or worse. Slow breath in, slow breath out. Calm.
Chloe reached out to touch her arm. "Max?" She looked worried too. "Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe we should get you home."
Max shook her head, trying to force her heart rate down. Now or never, Caulfield. Suck it up. She took a deep breath, and then spoke quickly enough for it to blend into a single word. "Icantravelthroughtime."
Kate blinked. She looked like she wasn't quite sure what Max had just said.
Chloe's hand tightened on her forearm, the pressure reassuring even though it coursed with nervous tension. That firm grasp helped to ground her. Hold her down.
She forced herself to slow down. "A couple months ago. The week of the... the storm." Her voice was a little shaky, but who knew? Maybe that would add credibility to what she was saying.
Or it would make her look insane. One or the other. She wanted to laugh.
"I discovered I could... go back in time. Not long. Just a couple minutes or so." She felt her left hand clench on the table, almost unconsciously. "I-I know it sounds crazy, but I promise it's true. I had this dream that there was going to be a tornado, and then I saw Chloe die, and I reached out and-"
Chloe's touch tightened again, and she forced herself to stop and take a deep breath. She'd been beginning to hyperventilate.
Kate looked puzzled, and she sat back in her seat. She didn't look scornful, at least, but she did look content to let Max keep talking. Kate looked worried, but not about Max's mental stability. More about Max's obvious difficulty and… pain.
There was a lot of that.
"Sorry... Sorry. Let me start over." Haltingly at first, then with more and more confidence, she described the events of that first day, starting with the dream. Kate's brow was furrowed, but she stayed quiet, letting Max talk. "I know, I promise I know it sounds crazy, but it's true." Show her, a voice whispered in her head, but she forced it to be silent. No. She didn't do that anymore. No matter how tempting it was.
Kate was silent. She sat back in her chair, her eyes focused on nothing. It looked like gears were turning in her head.
Max reached the end of the first day, then trailed off into silence herself. She was shaking a little.
Chloe was silent, too, but only for a minute. She looked back and forth from Max to Kate, then said, quietly, "We don't know each other that well, so I guess you don't have any reason to trust me, but it's true. All of it. And there's more, after that-"
Max shook her head, cutting her off. A cold hand had closed on her heart, squeezing. She couldn't breathe. This had been such a mistake. She should have just kept quiet about it, not made waves, kept it to herself-
"When I was standing on that roof," Kate began quietly, looking down at her hands on the table. She looked... thoughtful. Not skeptical or incredulous. "Looking down at everyone. I remember every detail. Every face, every voice... It's all so clear. So vivid. I'll..." She closed her eyes, then took a shaking breath herself. "I'll never forget it. Ever. I thought it would be the last thing I'd ever see. And..." She opened her eyes, turning her head to look at Max. Her expression was serious. "I saw you. I remember seeing you. You were one of the last people to show up, right before I..." Her voice broke a little.
Max just stared with her mouth slightly agape. Her brain was frozen in place. Where was she going with this?
"But then... I turned around, and there you were. On the roof with me. You were exhausted, and your nose was bleeding, but you were there." She clasped her hands together silently and bit her lip. "I was so angry, so frustrated that you were there to stop me, but when I could think clearly again... I remembered. I thought about how... how impossible it was. It was a miracle. You had been on the ground, and then you'd been on the roof, and I was so sure it had been a miracle. How else could I explain it?" She blinked, and her eyes glistened. "And it was, Max. It was a miracle. It all makes sense now. I... I always knew that the Lord had His hand in it somehow, that you must have been sent by Him to bring me back from the edge, but..." She reached out with both hands and clasped Max's.
Max was still shocked silent.
Chloe looked like she felt about the same. Her worried eyes had shifted to shock, accompanied by highly raised, neatly kept eyebrows.
"This just proves it, Max, don't you see? I always knew a miracle had happened that day, and this just proves it!" A tear finally ran down her face, dropping onto the styrofoam box. "You were my miracle. I finally understand, Max. Maybe I don't understand every part of it, but I don't think we were meant to understand everything."
Max struggled for words. She had always thought about being Chloe's miracle, but never Kate's. It was just a byproduct of the rest. One of the few uses of her power that had done unambiguous good. "Kate, I…" Of all the reactions she'd expected, pure, uncomplicated acceptance had been nowhere near the top of the list.
Chloe blinked.
"I believe you, Max. Thank you for telling me this," Kate said, her voice so, so genuine and heartfelt. "I believe you."
Max almost dissolved into tears herself at that moment. Kate believed her. Someone knew, someone other than Chloe could know. She squeezed Kate's hands and nodded, drawing in a shaky breath.
If Kate believed that much, maybe she'd believe the rest. She had someone else she could confide in, to validate her.
Max opened her mouth, and the rest of the story poured out. Everything from the diner that second day to the dark room, to the storm. She talked about Chloe. She talked about Jefferson. She talked about it all.
Kate didn't question any of it. She nodded her way through, letting Max talk. It was probably pretty clear to her that Max needed this. To be able to talk about what had happened. It took pauses and breaths to recompose, but she finished eventually.
And when Max finished, tears rolling down her face and her hands shaking, Kate stood, walked around the table, and bent over to take Max in a tight hug, somewhat awkwardly, thanks to the uncomfortable metal chairs. Max clung to her, letting out a soft sound like a sob, and Chloe had the good sense to stay out of it. Was that a brief look of jealousy on her face? But no, that didn't make sense. This was a catharsis of a different kind than Chloe could provide. Max only barely noticed Chloe giving the evil eye to some overly curious cafeteria patrons. They were making a bit of a scene, after all.
Kate held her, and shushed her, and petted her hair, whispering, "I believe you," again, and again. She meant it from the depths of her soul and Max felt it in every word - every repetition.
It was just what Max needed to hear.
Kate held her like that until she was all cried out, her eyes puffy and red. At least once, someone had begun to approach them to see what was going on, but a glare from Chloe was more than enough to discourage any would-be do-gooders.
Talking about it had been easier than she'd expected, but that had a lot to do with what a good audience Kate had been.
A few moments later, Max gently pulled away from the hug, smiling up at Kate. "Sorry... I didn't think I'd do that again. It's just... Kate, I'm so glad you believe me."
Kate nodded. "I know, Max. In a way, I felt the same way. Nobody believed me when I talked about what I saw on the roof. They didn't believe God would waste a miracle on me, I guess. But we were both right."
"I just needed someone else to know. I needed someone else to talk to, and I'm so sorry if this... dragged up bad memories or anything." She took in a shaky breath, feeling physically exhausted from the emotionally strenuous conversation.
Kate shook her head. "Max, I'm so thankful that you came to me with this. You're my guardian angel, but you're also my friend. You can always come to me."
Chloe still seemed a little wary, as if she were still suspicious of Kate's good intentions, but when Max glanced over at her, she looked away, pretending to pick at one of her nails instead.
"It's been... hard."
Kate gave Max's shoulder a squeeze with one hand, then turned back to sit in her chair, tilted to face her. "That stuff you mentioned about... About Jefferson."
Max closed her eyes and inhaled softly. "It was so bad, Kate. If someone touches my neck and I can't see them, I freak out. I wake up in the night, shaking."
Kate nodded sympathetically. "I understand, Max. Well... as much as anyone can understand. What happened to me there doesn't even hold a candle to what you went through, but-"
Max shook her head. "Don't say that. It's not a contest."
Kate relented. "...If you say so, I guess. But... I was there too, is my point. You're not alone, okay?" She reached out to touch Max's hand again. "I know what you went through. I know what it feels like to be... taken, and used, and..."
"Hurt?" Max sighed and looked away. "How do you do it, Kate? How can you forgive something like that?"
Kate's face hardened, maybe the most serious she'd ever seen the quiet girl. "I don't know, Max. I know I should. Everything I've learned says that I need to forgive. But I just..." She shuddered. "I can't, Max. It... haunts me. Just like you." She forced a little smile. "Alice can tell when it's bothering me. She gets right up to the edge of her cage and presses her little nose to the bars and..." She shook her head.
Alice was Kate's beloved bunny rabbit. Max had helped take care of her while Kate had been in the hospital. She liked the little rodent. She tried to smile back.
"But you're right. You feel like you've been tainted. Like... like you'll never be the same. And every time I even try to think about forgiveness, I think about that blinding light, and that weird taste in my mouth and not being able to move, and their hands on me and I just..."
Max took one of Kate's hands in both of hers. "Kate...?"
Kate trailed off. She was shaking, and her eyes were closed. A tear trickled down one pale cheek, and she furiously scrubbed it away with the back of her hand. "...Sorry. I know seeing me cry about it doesn't help..."
"Kate..."
She shook her head. "It just hits me sometimes, you know?" Max opened her mouth, and Kate shot her a look. "Don't you dare apologize for bringing it up, Max Caulfield. It... hurts. Yeah. But I haven't had anyone to talk about it with either, you know. Half my family still won't speak to me after the... the video." For a moment, the old Kate was back. Haunted and sad and hopeless. Listless. Then she shook her head and looked more or less normal again, and Max wondered how much of a front Kate was really putting up to appear so okay. How much pain was she still hiding?
Chloe leaned over the table, resting her elbows against the hard plastic surface, and actually spoke. "They got to me too, y'know," she said quietly. "Or at least, that little prick Nathan did. He drugged me and he dragged me to his room and..."
An image flashed through Max's head; a photograph that she'd tried so hard to forget. Chloe, shivering on the floor, her eyes red... God.
"Well... I got away, but I understand too, yeah?" Chloe looked uncomfortable, though whether because it hurt to bring up or because she still wasn't quite comfortable around Kate, Max couldn't tell. But Chloe was trying, and it was more than she'd asked for. "So... you're double not alone. I guess." Her eyes flicked from Kate to Max and back, as if looking for an out.
Max smiled at her. "Thanks, Chloe." She looked at the table for a moment, then stuck one of her hands out in the center, palm down.
Kate placed one of her own hands on top of hers, and after a moment of hesitation, so did Chloe.
Max just sat there quietly for a moment, letting them each feel the warmth of the others touch.
"They couldn't break us," she said quietly.
Chloe blinked, and Kate looked startled. But they both leaned in to listen.
"They took us," Max continued softly, "and they tried their worst. They tried to break us. When I was in the dark room, Jefferson said... He said something about the true beauty of the moment when hope turns to despair. He wanted to see us break." She looked into Kate's eyes and nodded, then slowly, deliberately did the same to Chloe. "But we're still here. We're in one piece, and he's locked up. He's going to be for a very long time, and all three of us are going to have long, happy lives, despite him. To spite him, if nothing else. Chloe, Kate... We're strong." Her voice shook a little, and she could see Kate's eyes glistening. Even Chloe looked affected. "We're a team, now. We're not the survivors, or the victims. We're the victors."
Kate nodded. "...Thank you, Max." She smiled, and looked her straight in the eye. "Thank you. We're a team."
Chloe looked back and forth, trying to act like she didn't care. "Yeah, whatever," she said casually, though Max could tell that something else was happening below the surface. "Team."
Max beamed, and for once, she didn't feel like alone, didn't feel like a victim.
She felt like part of something.