The D Word
"I'm not thick. I promise," Miranda was saying. "But I just need to be absolutely sure that I know what's going to happen during the procedure."
Elizabeth smiled. Even though they'd been over it twice, she didn't mind explaining it again for her very nervous client. "Well, since you and Tucker are amicable, I believe that you two can settle your issues without a judge. Only using a mediator. The one you two met with a week or so ago."
Miranda inhaled. "Right. Mediation is less-taxing and the least expensive option."
"Exactly. It may take a few more meetings, but I think you guys will be okay."
"So when…"
"You said on Monday that you were available tonight, so you're going to meet with him in a conference room tonight at 5." Miranda picked up her purse and headed for the door. Miranda nodded and looked at the woman. The woman who knew so much about her life. "Thank you, Elizabeth."
"No problem," Elizabeth responded.
Back at the hospital, Miranda stared at her phone and sucked her teeth. Tuck had a dental appointment at 5 o'clock. "Damn it," she said bumping into a stiff body. She looked up and into the face of her friend, Callie Torres.
"You're the one who bumped into me," Callie said with her wide smile.
"I sincerely hope that you're not looking for an apology," Miranda said sullenly. She released a smile to let Callie know that she was just kidding.
"Something like that," the orthopedic surgeon said with a smile of her own. What's up?" They walked into the crowded locker room.
"Your godson has to go to the dentist today, but I also have mediation with Tucker." Callie made a face. "Can you…"
"I wish I could, Bailey, but my girlfriend and I have plans to do adult things tonight. We haven't had any time together in weeks."
Miranda waved her off. "Thanks, friend." Callie hugged her. "And to think, I made you my child's godmother." Miranda scoffed.
"Hey!" Callie laughed. "I'd help you if I could." Miranda shook her head. "Ask that boyfriend of yours. I'm sure he'd do it. Show him that you trust him."
Miranda gawked at Callie. It was one thing to leave Tuck alone with Ben while she went to the grocery store or took a shower, but to let Ben take care of Tuck for a few hours was something different and completely new. She wasn't sure they were at that point yet. She told this to Callie after they finished doing a midday shoe change. "It could be a catastrophe."
"It'll be fine." Callie giggled. "Oh! There he is! Warren!" She waved Ben over.
"Hello, surgeons," Ben said waving to Callie and moving to Miranda's said. He kissed her cheek making her blush.
"Ben, Bailey has to ask you something."
"Torres," Miranda warned.
"What is it?" Ben asked looking between the women.
"It's… nothing," Miranda answered.
"Bailey, tell him!" Callie said a raising perfectly tweezed eyebrow. "Fine. I'll ask him." Miranda glowered at her. "Can you take my godson to his dental appointment?"
"Of—of course. What time?" Ben looked from Callie to Miranda.
Miranda sighed as Callie walked away, smiling. "It's at 5. You'd have to pick him up from school and take him to the dentist." She sighed. "And then take him back to my place or to your house until my meeting finishes."
"Why are you sighing?" Ben asked putting his arm around her waist.
"Because this is so last minute and I don't want to put any pressure on you. And it has to do with my son and I want him to safe. He is my pride and my joy."
"Miranda. Tuck is perfectly safe with me. This is not a problem. I'm available and it would be my ultimate… pleasure," Ben said kissing her earlobe, sending a shiver down her spine.
"You're sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. You're my girlfriend and I'm willing to help you in any way I can." Miranda smiled. She looked around to make sure they had a second alone before she stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "So, uh, what kind of meeting are you going to?" He asked as they walked out of the locker room.
"You know the usual. Divorce mediation." Miranda tucked some hair behind her ear.
"Oh. Oh. That's tonight?" Ben rubbed his chin.
"Yes, it is," she said. "That's why I'm pushing Tuck off on you." They laughed.
"Are you nervous? Do you want to talk about it? Or something?" Ben suggested.
She thought for a second. She really wanted to talk to him about it. She was very nervous; just thinking about it made her palms sweat. "I'm okay. Just anxious. But I'm fine. No need to talk it to death."
"Well, alright. I'm about to go into surgery. So, I'll get Tuck from school at 4 or 4:15. Is that good?" She nodded. "You're amazing."
She scoffed a little and touched his hand, squeezing it. "Thank you." He leaned down and kissed her quickly on the lips. She really was grateful. She was in a bind and he'd really come through.
"Everything will be fine," Elizabeth told her putting a soothing hand on Miranda's shoulder. "Just relax."
"I know that," Miranda said hastily. "Are they coming, uh, any time this year?"
Elizabeth chuckled and patted Miranda's hands. "They should—" The lawyer was cut off by Tucker walking in the door.
"Sorry, Mandy, there was a shitload of traffic," Tucker said. He held up a hand. "I'm sorry." Miranda shook her head. Tucker stuck out his hand for Elizabeth. "I'm Tucker Jones."
"And," the mediator said breezing into the room. He was an Asian man of average height with black hair with specks of red in it. "I'm Glenn Chan. Let's get started." Everyone nodded
"Miranda, I'll be right in my office if you need anything, okay?" Elizabeth said smiling. She exited the conference room leaving Miranda alone with Tucker and the mediator.
"Thank you both for coming in today. From what I understand from speaking with both of you previously, one of the issues we need to discuss immediately is who has…William George—"
"Tuck," Miranda and Tucker said at the same time exchanging knowing glances.
"Okay, Tuck. We need to talk about who has Tuck when." Miranda snuck a look at Tucker who was looking at Glenn. She let go of a breath. Is this really what he wanted to do? She focused on the mediator. "We refer to it as a 'time-share'." Tucker leaned back in his chair. "And what we want to discuss today is what makes the most sense based on Tuck's needs and your schedules, flexibility, or lack thereof, in your work schedules." Miranda kept her eyes on Glenn. She knew that Tucker would be looking at her. Her hours at the hospital weren't the most flexible. A thought popped into her head: Did Tucker want custody of their son? Her heart started to pound and she reached shakily for the glass of water that was in front of her. Was that why he was being so agreeable all of a sudden? He wanted full custody of Tuck?
"Are you okay, Miranda?" Tucker asked.
Miranda swallowed. "Yes. Thanks."
"So, who wants to start?" Glenn asked.
"I will," Tucker said raising his hand slightly. "I think the schedule that we have right now is alright. Miranda has him throughout the week and I get him on the weekends."
"How is that working out?" Glenn asked writing on the paper in front of him. "Miranda?"
"It works for me. Tuck hasn't expressed any need for change." Tucker's eyes found hers. "And we're both great parents and help the other when in need."
Glenn continued to write. "Sounds like you guys have that figured out. But I don't want to make any assumptions that what's happened in the past will be done in the future. How I usually like to start out, in a situation like this, is to get some basic information about your schedules and start to see how we can use this information to build a good parenting plan."
"Okay," Miranda acknowledged.
"Tucker, tell me a little bit about, uh, the structure of your work. Um, you know, the number of hours you work, your flexibility, that kind of thing." Glenn said.
Miranda tried to listen as Tucker went on to answer the questions, but her mind was elsewhere. She hoped that Tuck was okay with Ben. The turning of a page brought her back. "…hard during the week. Tuck spending most of the time with Miranda is… you know, fine with me." Tucker glanced at her briefly. "But I think I would like one or two nights during the week, so I'm not just a weekend dad or something like that." Miranda stared at him. His eyes were trying to apologize, but she didn't want to hear that crap. She locked her hands, if she didn't; she might go through the motions of actually strangling Tucker.
"Okay, great. Your work hours are demanding, there's some flexibility, but, since you're an accountant, your clients might demand that you work extra hours?" Glenn asked.
Tucker nodded. "Generally. Depending on the season."
"Miranda?" Glenn said.
It was her turn to speak. "Well, I'm a surgeon, so my schedule is demanding, 97.8% of the time. It's stressful and it's time-consuming." Glenn nodded and wrote something down. Miranda took a deep breath, trying not to panic. "Where Tucker can set a meeting for 3 o'clock, be finished by 4:30 and have his clients home by 5, my job isn't like that. If a patient is only supposed to have a three-hour procedure, I know that there may be complications. Stuff happens, and maybe that three hours turns into six. But I always make sure Tuck is taken care of. Someone is always looking after him, on days that I'm not finished when I'm supposed to be finished."
Glenn nodded again. "So, no real flexibility at all?" She shook her head. No use in lying. "Miranda, what are your thoughts on Tucker having Tuck few nights during the week?"
"Well, uh, what nights were you, uh, thinking about?" She asked irritated, scratching softly at her palm.
"I wasn't looking at any days in particular," Tucker said.
"But, I mean—" Miranda started.
"Alright. Alright, let me just throw something out here for a second," Glenn said. "And what I want to say is that we're looking at what's practical for you two and what's practical for Tuck."
"Exactly," Miranda echoed. "If we're going to try out this new schedule, it needs to be the same days every week. Studies have shown that more consistency is better for children. So minimizing the transitions from week to week is important as well as being consistent." Miranda's phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out. It was Ben. He was texting her: Just letting you know that everything is A-OK. She nodded and slipped the phone back into her phone.
"So, what we'd usually do is build your decisions into an agreement with an opt-out clause. So if you both agree and everything is fine, then there's no need to change it, but if things start to get a bit shaky and we need to take another gander at it, there's no fault and no blame. Does that sound good?" Glenn asked looking from Tucker to Miranda.
"That sounds great," Miranda said smiling for the first time.
The three of them wrapped up their meeting and Glenn left the room. Tucker walked around the table and helped Miranda into her coat. "Thanks," she said slowly.
"No problem." They walked out into the hallway.
"I have to talk to my lawyer. I'll call you later." Tucker nodded and walked to the elevator. Miranda talked to Elizabeth before leaving. Waiting for the elevator, she called Ben.
"Hi, mommy!" Tuck said. The familiar sound of Tuck's videogame was playing in the background.
"Are you having fun with Ben?" Miranda asked.
"Yes!" Tuck shouted into the phone. Miranda winced. "We're at his house and he has a basketball game just like me!"
"Oh, really?" Miranda smiled. "Put Ben on the phone please."
"Sure. Here, Ben." She heard the phone switch hands.
"Hey, Miranda," Ben answered with a smile in his voice.
"Sounds like you two are having a ball."
"We are. We are," he said as Miranda stepped onto the elevator. "I told you it would be fine."
"Yeah," she told him getting off of the elevator. She looked for the exit and her eyes landed on Tucker, buying something from the vending machine. "So, I'll come to your house and pick him up?"
"We'll be waiting for you—I'll be waiting for you." Miranda smiled widely. "See you soon."
"Tucker Jones. I thought you left," Miranda said closing the distance between two of them.
"I needed to talk to you," he said holding out a bottle of orange juice and honey bun.
She lifted a corner of her mouth. "Thanks," she said accepting his peace offering.
"Can we talk for a second?" She sat down in a chair off to the side in the lobby.
Tucker sat next to her. "I'm sorry, Mandy."
"For what?" She asked turning to him.
"For basically dismantling the schedule we have now with Tuck," he said.
"It's…. okay. I guess." Tucker smirked. "Really."
"Good."
"I just… I guess I never knew you felt that way."
"I didn't know I felt that way either until he asked about it," Tucker said scratching his head. She cocked her head to the side making them both laugh. "Plus, I felt like an ass asking for more time. You're sure you're okay with it?"
"It'll be good for Tuck and that's all that matters." Tucker agreed. "You know, I think I was subconsciously jealous of you getting Tuck on the weekends. For two entire days."
"But you get him for five straight days," Tucker countered.
"Yeah, theoretically. But I only get to see him in the mornings and for a few hours after school; and then he goes to bed."
He sighed. "Very true."
"But with this schedule, I'll get some weekends and you'll get some week days. I think it'll work," Miranda said. Her eyes found his and they didn't speak for a while. The lobby was damn near silent. Miranda could hear the clock ticking on the wall. She hoped that her son was alright and that he wasn't driving her boyfriend crazy. She smiled.
"Are we really going to do this?" Tucker asked cutting into her thoughts.
"Huh?" She responded.
"Divorce. Are we really going to get a divorce?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I guess so, Mr. Jones."
"And there's nothing I can say to change your mind?" He smiled guiltily. Miranda didn't answer. "I'm only asking because you're the only woman I've ever been truly in love with." She swallowed as Tucker dropped his head. "I screwed up."
"Yeah, you did." Their eyes locked and they laughed. "I made my mistakes, too," she admitted.
Tucker nodded. "But, um, Mandy, I know how much the idea of marriage meant to you."
"It still means a lot of to me."
"I know. And I know you wanted a lifelong love like William and Elena's." She smirked. "So," he sighed deeply. "I am sorry for messing up what we had and for giving you ultimatums and for dragging this thing out longer than it needed to be."
Miranda read his face. He really was sorry. She waited for The Moment. The Moment. The tug in her heart that would suddenly make her attracted to him again. It happened all of the time in movies and TV shows. No matter what one half of a couple did, if they just apologized and looked sincere, the other half was expected to forgive them. And most times, they did after only a moment. Time came and went, she could only feel bad that he was leaving their joint life and going home to no one special, she had Ben. And she loved him. "You did, but it has taught me a few things."
"Like what?" He inquired.
She moved her head side to side while she thought. "Like how I was in love with you. Like how I thought you were the only man I could ever love. How I think we'll still be friends even after all of this." Tucker smiled and reached for her hand. "And how you gave me the most wonderful and the most precious gift ever nearly four years ago."
"He's amazing, isn't he?"
"Yes," she said with her eyes watering. She hadn't expected the memories to hit her so hard. They were really getting a divorce. After years and years of depending on one another and being there and fighting through the shit, they were parting ways, moving on and wishing the other well. "He's perfect."
"Did it, uh—" He ran a hand over his face slowly. She watched his face reemerge with reddening eyes. "Did it teach you anything else?"
"I always thought when the time came to let you go that I would falter, that you would apologize and that I would fall back into your arms even though I no longer fit there." Tucker squeezed her hands. "But I'm stronger and I'm just ready to move on."
Tucker picked up her hands and kissed both of them. "I love you, Miranda."
"I love you, too, probably always will, but this is goodbye to Miranda and Tucker as a couple and hello as friends." Miranda leaned over and kissed both of his cheeks and once on the lips.
Tucker moaned. "You're sure I can't say anything to…" He stopped talking as she pushed his chest, laughing. He put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her in for a hug. "You're too good."
"Ah, I know."
He nodded and clapped his hands. "So, where is my son?" He asked as they walked out of the door and to her car.
"Fine time for you to ask," she said making them laugh. "He's hanging out with Ben." Miranda watched Tucker's face to see if it showed any disappointment. Tucker's grin was still on his face. "I'm going over there now."
"Oh okay. I'll pick him up in an hour. It is the weekend and we haven't signed any papers, so it's still my time with him." Miranda scoffed. "Unless you want to try it out with the papers."
"No, no. Let's wait for Glenn to draw up the papers, I don't want any problems."
Tucker head up his hands. "Fine. Fine. I'll call you when I'm on my way."
Miranda got in her car and drove toward Ben's house. Miranda signed in at the front desk and headed up to Ben's apartment. She could hear both of their voices coming from inside of the apartment. She knocked loudly. Ben opened the door and quickly pulled her in for a kiss. It shocked her body and her senses as she accepted the kiss, putting her hands on the back of his neck. "Hi," she breathed when they separated. She looked around the messy apartment for her son. Ben's apartment was usually neat, but Tuck was like the Tasmanian Devil. He left a mess everywhere he went. He was sitting on the sofa, with a controller in his hand. "Hello, son." She walked over to him and sat down next to him. He paused the game and greeted her with a hug. She rubbed his head. She needed to remind Tucker that their child needed a haircut, desperately. "How was the dentist? Let me see your teeth." Tuck showed parted his lips and revealed his clean teeth. "Very nice. So, are you, uh, ready to go?" Tuck shook his head. "No?" He shook his head again. "Well, your dad's coming to get you tonight, so we have to go home and get your bag ready."
Tuck started to whine. Miranda took a breath and opened her mouth to curb his attitude. "Tuck," Ben interjected. "You'll be able to come back, buddy. Okay?" Tuck nodded as Miranda pursed her lips.
"Okay," Tuck said.
"Put your shoes on," Miranda said pointing to his pair of sneakers across the room.
Ben sat down on the chair next to Miranda. "So, how'd it go?" He asked putting an arm around her.
She shrugged him off. She didn't want to get too comfortable sitting next to her boyfriend while her son was only a few feet away. Ben replaced his arm and leaned over to whisper in her ear: "So, do you want to come back over tonight?" She turned to look at him, their lips only centimeters apart. She smiled as Ben kissed her nose. She giggled. "Is that a 'yes'?"
She shrugged. "We'll see."
"That's all I need," he answered, kissing her lips quickly.
"Ready!" Tuck said coming up to them. The mother looked at her son and nodded.
"Where's your book bag?" She asked. Tuck turned around and showed her the bag on his back. "Alright. Say goodnight to Ben. We're going to get going."
"Goodnight, Ben," Tuck said shaking hands with Ben.
"Night, Tuck." Ben stood up and walked them to the door. Tuck ran ahead to get the elevator. "I'm going to be expecting you, Miranda."
"Maybe," she said teasing him.
"So…. Yes?" He asked with a laugh. She had every intention of coming back to his place.
Back at her house, Miranda helped Tuck pack. Tucker had called and said that he was on his way. He didn't need much, but Tuck liked to pick out his own clothes. When they were finished, they went downstairs to wait. "I am so hungry," she said out loud running a hand through her hair. "What did you and Ben eat?"
"He made chicken nuggets and French fries. They were good."
"Better than my nuggets and fries?" She asked him. His eyes widened and he shook his head.
The doorbell rang and Tuck rushed to answer it. "Daddy!"
Tucker scooped the boy up and hugged him tightly. "My favorite son."
"I'm the only one." Tuck giggled as his feet hit the floor.
"Miranda," Tucker said with a smile.
"Tucker," she responded with a slight nod of her head. Her phone rang in her hand. It was Ben. She silenced the phone. "Son, go and get your bag." She turned to Tucker. "So what are you guys doing this weekend?"
"Well, I thought we'd go to the movies, maybe go to a HS basketball game, to the park and go to Jump Heaven. Whatever he wants."
"Sounds like fun. And he needs a haircut." He nodded. "Thankfully there are no games are practices for a while," she said crossing her arms.
"Yeah," Tucker said rubbing the back of his neck. Tuck came out of the living room with his bag on his shoulder.
Miranda reached down to hug him. "I will see you on Monday," she told him. He nodded and kissed her cheek. "Alright. Be safe. Oh! And have fun."
"We will," father and son said at the same time. Tucker helped Tuck into his booster seat, got in the driver's seat and they were gone, disappearing around the corner.