Chapter 3

Raven was in a cell. She had stopped screaming out insults and curses days ago. Now she just waited. She knew they would come for her. Someone would come for her. Clarke and Bellamy had never left her behind before. She had to believe that they would come for her. She heard a scratching at her door.

She sat up quickly, cursing as her leg protested in pain. They had taken her leg brace, ensuring she would not be able to run away. She crawled to the door quietly, listening at the door. She heard nothing for a while. Then the scratching started again. She scratched back hesitantly. She wasn't sure who it might be, but none of her guards had scratched at the door in all of the days that she had been here. The sound went away.

"Who's there?" She cried frantically, but she knew they had gone. She cursed. She started screaming at anything that would listen. She would get out if it killed her. She was Raven Reyes, no cell could hold her.

Clarke couldn't go to the ocean the next day or the day after. Bellamy was still sick and Harper's ankle ended up being sprained. She thought about trying to convince Maddy to go with her, but Maddy's excitement over training dissuaded her. Though she was worried for Maddy she couldn't help but smile when she saw how happy Maddy was. That particular morning Maddy had bested all of her opponents in training and Octavia had taken her afterwards for a private training session. Clarke was worried sick because she couldn't find Maddy, and when Maddy finally did come back to the tent Clarke whirled on her with barely concealed anger. She kept her voice low because Bellamy was asleep behind a curtain, but her eyes flashed with rage.

"Where have you been?" She hissed. Maddy's obvious elation, dimmed considerably.

"I was with Octavia."

"I couldn't find you anywhere! Don't you understand that this isn't the shallow valley? Our world is infinitely more dangerous, and you have to tell me where you're going. You have to check in with me, you can't just do what you want. This world is not safe! Wonkru is not safe."

"Octavia won't let anything happen to me." Maddy said, hurt showing on her face."

"Octavia is not your friend! You are a threat to her. Don't you understand that? The closer she keeps you, the less of a threat you are. You don't mean anything to her." Maddy had tears in her eyes.

"You don't know that! She trained me privately today. You don't know anything about her! She is a good leader, and she isn't afraid of anything."

"She's afraid of you! That's why she's kind to you. She doesn't like you or think you're special. She wants to keep you in line."

"Maybe you're just jealous because she's a better leader than you are. She can actually keep her people alive!" Clarke reeled back as if she had been physically hit. A small part of her screamed that she had to make things right with Maddy or Maddy would never forgive her, but the larger part of her was too angry.

"I forbid you to train with her anymore. You have to stop this now, before you get hurt. I'm doing this for your own good Maddy. Tomorrow you'll tell Octavia you can't train with her anymore." Maddy looked at Clarke, practically shaking with anger.

"Actually Clarke, I don't have to do anything." Maddy's voice was frighteningly similar to Octavia's in that one moment. Her voice was quiet and indifferent, but her eyes were hard. "You're not my mother and you're not my commander. Octavia is. I'm Wonkru now, and you can't order me around anymore." Maddy turned on her heel and stalked out of the tent. Clarke was so shocked she didn't run after her. She sat down on her bed, hard.

She knew that she wasn't Maddy's blood, but she had thought they were tied together by more than that. A cold seed of fear planted itself in her heart at that moment. Perhaps she and Maddy were tied together by nothing more than extreme circumstances. The most extreme circumstances. Now that those circumstances were disbanded they would become nothing to each other. It wrenched Clarke's heart in two. She glanced at the curtain.

Maddy's words had been eerily similar to those Bellamy had spoken to her so long ago.

I don't take orders from you.

Clarke put her head in her hands. Maddy meant so much to her. Was it possible that she meant much less to Maddy? She knew that she woudn't be able to bare it if that was true.

Bellamy shifted behind the curtain. He coughed, once, twice. Clarke got up and parted the curtain with her arm. He was reaching for the water at his bedside, but he was almost too tired to move. She sat down beside him on a box and lifted the water to his lips. She propped his head up as he drank and he smiled at her gratefully.

"That was quite a fight." He said hoarsely.

"You're supposed to be sleeping."

"I could hardly sleep through that." She ducked her head, embarrassed.

"Did you hear the whole thing?"

"Yeah." Clarke sighed.

"Sorry." He had closed his eyes and was resting his head on his pillow. For a second Clarke thought he had fallen asleep. Then his hand wrapped around her's comfortingly.

"This is normal."

"Nothing about this is normal. We were the only two people left on earth. Maybe that's the only reason we banded together. What if I mean nothing to her now?" Bellamy squeezed her hand.

"Not possible." His eyes opened and peered into her's. "Not possible." He repeated. "I saw the way she looked when Diyoza had captured you. She was scared out of her mind. She was calm under pressure, but if anything had happened to you, she would have been devestated. She loves you Clarke." Bellamy's eyelids fluttered. He was exhausted. She stood feeling guilty.

"You need to sleep Bellamy. You're still sick." He smiled.

"I'll be okay." He could always read her so well. She was worried about him and she was worried about Maddy. Her worries had not decreased since they had come back to the ground and the bunker had opened. They had only increased. She kissed his hand quickly.

"I know." Then she left the tent. She had to make things right with Maddy before she left for the beach. She found Maddy on the outskirts of Polis, crying her eyes out. She sat down a couple feet away from her and waited. Of course there had been times during their six years where she and Maddy had fought. But of course they had gotten over it eventually. There was only the two of them. Now the stakes were much higher.

"Octavia is my friend." Maddy finally said. Her voice was broken and filled with tears. She sniffed loudly. "She doesn't mean me any harm."

"I know." Clarke said softly. Maddy scooted closer to Clarke and put her head on Clarke's shoulder.

"Why can't you be happy for me? I'm the best fighter they have. Octavia thinks I will make a great warrior."

"I am happy for you. But I love you Maddy and that means I want what's best for you. I just want to protect you, that's all."

"I know." Maddy whispered. "I love you too." Clarke wrapped her arms around Maddy.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. Of course you can still train with Octavia, just please be careful."

"I'm sorry too. Octavia is not a better leader than you." She looked into Clarke's eyes. "You don't have to worry so much about me. I'm smart Clarke. You made me that way. Just trust me."

"I do. I just don't trust her."

"Trust me." She said again. Maddy was so exhausted from crying and fighting that she fell asleep right there after a few minutes. Clarke stroked Maddy's hair and braided it as she slept. When Maddy woke up they went back to the tent and found Monty there tending to Bellamy.

"I just brought some of the fish for him to eat."

"Thanks Monty." He shrugged and smiled.

"Is Harper okay?" Clarke asked. Monty pressed his lips together.

"She's just angry that she twisted her ankle. She says she's fine other than that." Clarke patted Monty's shoulder.

"She'll be fine. How's our patient?" She asked looking down at Bellamy. Bellamy opened his red eyes and smirked at her.

"You'd think I was dying from the way you guys are fussing over me. I have a cold, I'm fine. I've survived much worse."

"You're feverish. It could easily develop into something more serious. Have you been drinking water?"

"Yes Clarke."

"You should sleep some more." He sighed heavily.

"If I sleep anymore I'll die of boredom."

"You'll heal if you sleep." Clarke said pressing his shoulders down onto the cot gently.

"I feel better." He said pleadingly.

"You still need to rest." Bellamy sighed and relented.

In the morning Bellamy was no longer hot to the touch and his eyes were clear. He was weak, but he could breathe easier. She forced him to drink some more water and ordered bed rest. He would need his strength for the trip to the ocean. He insisted he was fine and that he could leave that night. Clarke talked to Monty about the trip to the ocean and he agreed to watch Maddy very carefully. She left him her gun. She wasn't taking any chances with this.

She was rethinking even going on the trip when she saw a fight break out not far from her tent over food. They needed the food and she was the only one who knew a safe way to the ocean. She sighed. It was so odd being the only one who knew the earth. The only human left who could navigate the dangers of the land. She shook her head in wonder. It was so odd.

She started to make a mental inventory of everything she would need on the trip. She would need some food and bags to bring back the seaweed and fish. She would need warm clothes and they would need a radio so they could talk to Monty and Harper just in case Echo disabled the eye in the sky. They would need weapons, just in case. They would need at least one tank of oxygen as well if the weather turned suddenly. The farther they got from Shallow Valley the worse the air quality. Her trips to the ocean had always been short before because they'd had no access to oxygen. She massaged her temples.

Bellamy stirred on his cot and ran a hand through his hair.

"Clarke?"

"I'm here."

"What time is it?"

"I think it's a little after eleven. Maddy left an hour or so ago for training."

"When did you want to leave for the ocean?"

"We can leave tonight. Are you feeling better?" He swung his legs onto the ground, feet flexing.

"Yeah I feel better. Still a little groggy."

"I can drive." She said, lightly. He laughed.

"That's probably smart. Where are Harper and Monty?"

"They're back at their tent. They're going to stay here since Harper still isn't able to put weight on her ankle." Clarke rubbed her arm. He peered at her intently.

"Is something bothering you? I could hear you pacing in my sleep."

"I'm worried about Maddy." She stared at the ground, afraid he would be hurt that she didn't trust Octavia. Instead he simply shook his head.

"O is… she is not who she used to be."

"None of us are." Clarke's voice was tight. She was hardly the person she had imagined that she would be as a child. She had imagined herself to be heroic and courageous and the traits she found in herself now were a far cry from those. Her father would be ashamed of her. That shame burned her to the core.

"I wasn't there for her." She looked up to find that he staring off into the distance. His hands were clenched on his knees. "She may not need my protection anymore, but no one should be alone the way she is. Do you see the way people look at her? They're terrified of her. No one can live like that forever."

"It's hard to come back from that kind of life." Clarke said sadly. He shook his head, jaw tense. "Once you feel that kind of power it's nearly impossible to come back from that." He made a strangled noise in the back of his throat.

"It's my fault. I should have stayed with her. I should have known." Clarke kneeled in front of him, grasping his hands.

"You couldn't have known. And what would they have done on the ring without you? I've seen the way they look at you. They follow you now. Not me. They needed you too."

"What about you?" He asked. "Did you need me too?" He asked, trying to lighten the mood. She felt the tears before she could stop them. She nodded, words impossible in that moment.

"Of course I did." She said, as soon as she could. "You inspire us to be more than we are, Bellamy. People look to me for clear action and hard decisions, but they look to you when their hearts are hurting."

"The head and the heart." He said with a hint of irony in his voice.

"The head and the heart." She agreed. He stood finally and she followed him.

"So what do we need to pack for this trip?" He asked. She gave him the list and they divided up the duties. She got the bags and clothes and he got the food and the radio. When they finished later that night Maddy, Monty and Harper were already back at the tent. Maddy had saved some of the fish for them though most had been passed out among Wonkru.

Maddy was more quiet than she usually was. She had stopped talking as much about her training with Octavia. Clarke knew that was her fault and she had extremely conflicted feelings about it. She loved Maddy and wanted Maddy to be happy, but not if it meant she was in danger. Things were normal between them except when someone brought up Octavia. For that reason Octavia had become a forbidden topic between them. Clarke stood, glancing outside.

"Well, Bellamy and I had better head out soon."
"Already?" Maddy fretted.

"We need food badly." Maddy nodded.

"I wish I could come with you." Clarke shook her head.

"Despite everything you're still safer here."

"What does that mean?" Maddy asked, immediately on the defensive.

"Nothing." Clarke forced a smile to her face. "I love you Maddy, I'll see you soon." Maddy hugged her quickly, still frowning.

"Love you Clarke." Her voice was flat. Clarke tried to hide the way that it hurt her. Bellamy stood with her and they said their goodbyes to Monty and Harper.

Their walk to the rover was very quiet. The first few hours of their drive were equally quiet. Clarke had a lot to think about. Part of her raged at Maddy. Their fight ran through her head again and again. The other part of her was just worried. Octavia was creating a rift between Clarke and Maddy. All because of a few stories she had told Maddy when she was a kid. If anyone was at fault here it was her. Clarke cursed herself. She couldn't believe that she was going to lose Maddy to Blodreina of all people.

She had cared for Maddy for six years, single-handedly. Didn't she deserve come kind of loyalty for that? What had Octavia done? She was furious if she was honest with herself. She slammed her hand onto the steering wheel and Bellamy looked at her expectantly.

"Need to talk?"

"I just… I can't believe Maddy!" Clarke exploded. "I take care of her for six years, and your sister is around for two weeks and she's all Maddy can talk about it!" Clarke sputtered indignantly. "It's infuriating." Bellamy laughed.

"Welcome to the life of being a sibling." She looked at him incredulously. "You pour all your love into them. You sacrifice everything for them and," He shook his head. "They won't ever thank you for it. They'll never pick you first, because you're safe to them. You're their safety net, not their friend." She realized that he had experienced the same thing with Octavia a hundred times over. Everything he ever did had been to keep her safe and she had never seen it that way. She had railed against his protection, actively fought it, and spurned him more times than Clarke could count. She could count the number of times Octavia had thanked him on one hand.

"Is that really how it's going to be?" He shrugged.

"That's how it's always been for me. On the Ark I was the one of two people she saw for nearly sixteen years. I was basically God to her. Then her world got infinitely wider and I was… nothing. I was just her brother." Clarke marveled at the similarity of their situations.

"Yeah."

"I became a tyrant to her." Clarke nodded. She remembered that time at the drop ship well. Octavia had bucked Bellamy's protection and his authority at every turn. She had deliberately disobeyed him whenever she could.

"The drop ship feels like a lifetime ago." She mused.

"It really does. I was just a kid. We all were. But it didn't feel that way. We thought we knew everything because we had to. They gave us no choice. But we didn't know everything and we made so many mistakes because we were just scared kids pretending to be adults.

"We couldn't afford to second guess ourselves and so we never stopped to think about whether or not it was right or wrong." He was silent for a while. "I just want peace. That's all I want."

"Quite a big ask." Clarke said softly.

"It shouldn't be. But it is. It shouldn't be so hard to ask the vestiges of the human race to band together. With only fifteen-hundred people left you would think we would give up fighting each other."

"I think we would still fight even if only fifteen people were left." Clarke said. He nodded.

"You're probably right." She laughed suddenly.

"Remember how much we used to fight?" She said, raising her eyebrows.

"Of course." He said laughing. "I thought you were a tyrant."

"And I thought you were a bastard." He leaned his head back against the headrest and laughed.

"I was a bastard."

"You meant well."

"No, I was just drunk on freedom." He said shaking his head. She dipped her shoulder.

"That's true. I may have been a bit prudish." She conceded.

"Just a bit?" He asked indignantly.

"I was a well-meaning prude." He just shook his head.

"We didn't know how bad things would get." His voice was dark. She thought of the personal hardships they had both been through. She had lost Finn and Lexa and he had lost Gina. She couldn't imagine how worried he probably was about Echo even now. She wondered if she would ever love again. She looked at Bellamy. She didn't know if she could put her heart through it again. He noticed her look.

"What?"

"Are you okay? With Echo being gone I mean." He put his head back.

"I'm worried of course." His eyes were veiled. "I don't know what I would do without her. She just, she was always there for me on the ring." Clarke nodded. "I would blame myself if something happened. It was my fault when Gina died. I don't think I could live through that again." He paused. "I thought your death was my fault too. It's agonizing to think that someone you love died because of you. It's like no hell I've experienced before."

"I killed Finn. Lexa died in my arms." She looked at him. "I understand."

"Sorry Clarke. Of course you understand."

"I thought I killed you at the drop ship. The pain was… unimaginable." He nodded. She understood perfectly. Too many people had died because of her. At some point Bellamy fell asleep and she drove in silence for a while.

She was happy. Talking with Bellamy was helping Clarke find herself again. Her thoughts had been silent for too long. Talking to Bellamy on the radio had been probably the only thing that kept her sane for those six years. Having him talk back was so much better. But she still felt the distance between them, and if she was being honest she knew what was causing it. Or rather who.

But she couldn't bring herself to be upset about it. How could she? All she wanted was for him to be happy, to have his peace. It wasn't fair for her to be mad that she couldn't have her partner back because he was in love. He wouldn't begrudge her if she was in his place. But the heart was a funny thing. It didn't always follow the directions of the head. She chuckled under her breath.

That had always been true of her and Bellamy. She could order him around all she wanted but he was probably the one person who hadn't followed her blindly. His words came back to her. I don't take orders from you. And it had always been true. The heart didn't always listen to the head.

She stopped the rover for the night. She was tired and the drive to the ocean would take at least three days. She might as well stop and sleep a bit. She leaned her head back and slept. She was out in minutes.

"Clarke!" She woke with a start.

"What? What's wrong?" She asked frantic.

"Clarke look!" It was still dark outside and she couldn't see Bellamy very well. He was pointing at the sky, out of the rover window. The stars were falling. Her breath left her.

"They're... "

"It's a meteor shower!" He said excitedly.

"It's beautiful." She breathed. The air was cool and a breeze blew her hair behind her head. "I had a dream once," He nodded to show her he was listening, but kept watching the stars. "That the stars danced."
"I used to dream all the time." Bellamy said absentmindedly. "But it all stopped when came to the ground. Most of my dreams were about the ground anyway. When we came to the ground I only had nightmares." She nodded.

"The same for me. Most nights I just don't dream at all."

"I dreamed on the ring again. Mostly about earth, but sometimes I dreamed of space too. Do you think if we could get to it, there's a planet we could live on out there?"

"Maybe." Clarke felt her heart sink. She should tell him about the shoot. He had a right to know. Here she was wanting him to trust her more, and she couldn't tell him about possibly the most important thing to the human race at this point in time.

"Bellamy."

"Mm?"

"I have something to tell you. Something important."

"Okay." He seemed nonplussed. He kept staring out the window. "Go ahead." He added, when she said nothing.

"I think the earth is being reborn. There's a shoot near the river. I didn't tell you at first because I wasn't sure and I didn't want to get your hopes up. But I think that soon we will be able to plant crops again. Trees. Flowers. The earth will be survivable again." Bellamy smiled wanly.

"Maybe we won't have to fight after all." Still he didn't turn to look at her. "I understand." He said finally. "Why you didn't tell me." After that they were both silent. The stars continued to fall in the silence.