Riley musters up the courage to look at her parents. Topanga is despondent but there's almost an anger in Cory's eyes. She ignores it as Maya pulls her back into an embrace.
Cory storms off into the living room and they all hear something smash, Topanga excuses herself to not upset Riley further. Cory is seething, surrounded by a smashed vase, fake dirt and a few scattered fake flowers. Topanga is appalled.
Topanga quietly yelled at Cory "What is wrong with you?"
"How could she be so selfish? Cory snaps back.
Topanga is now infuriated "Is that all you can think about?"
Both are still cautious enough to keep their argument to a dull roar so that Riley doesn't notice.
"Suicide for cowards, she was only thinking about herself. Did she ever think about us and how it would affect –
"Cory! Have you even thought about her and what she is going through?!"
"She didn't think about anyone else, what about Auggie?"
Topanga realized she wasn't going to get through to Cory, not yet at least "You stay away from Riley until you have calmed down, the last thing we need to do is get her more upset than she already is."
She stormed off before Cory could retort.
Topanga tiptoed back to Riley's room not to interrupt anything else. Maya was holding Riley until Topanga went over to the two and rubbed Riley's back. Riley flinched from the unfamiliar hand to only see her mother behind her. She was no longer crying but Topanga had never seen Riley so damaged, so shattered. She pulled Riley into her arms just for a few seconds before she asked some questions.
"Riley, what's wrong?
Riley took a breath and thought about what she can say to her mother. She didn't want to hurt her mother but she just didn't know what to say.
"I really don't know why I feel this way, I want it to stop!"
"Have you hurt yourself?" Riley knows Maya will tell so she slowly pulls up the sleeves of her sweater revealing about 30 gashes. Topanga puts her hands over her mouth to muffle her almost immediate cries, she has been a rock thus far but when she sees that Riley has already taken to hurting herself she can't help it.
She runs back out off Riley's room.
Without noticing Maya did the exact same thing as Topanga, Riley chases after her mother. She never wanted to hurt Topanga but she couldn't lie anymore.
She pulls down her sleeves and hugs her crying mother and whispers, "I'm so sorry."
Riley wants to mean it but she doesn't, she isn't sorry. This cutting herself is her release. She doesn't understand it but she knows that she needs it.
Topanga starts to blame herself "No Riley, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't know there was something wrong, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'll be there from now on I promise."
Riley held her mother closer but hated the thought that people would know now, they would check on her now, look at her wrists, and make sure she ate enough. they won't let her have the freedom she had previously. Riley was already scheming about how she can do anything else.
She might be able to add a few more slits tonight because they wouldn't notice anymore, would they think to check her thighs? With this newfound stress, she was willing to take the risk.
Topanga talks through her sobs again. "We can take you to a hospital or some sort of rehab institution."
Riley knows she doesn't want to get better, so she has to think on her feet.
"Mom, I don't know if I can be around people like that, like me… I think it'll make it worse." It was a decent excuse for only having a few seconds to think about it but Riley would have to elaborate.
Topanga looked defeated. She tries to reason with Riley "I don't know how to help you, we have to take you to someone who knows how. You can't leave us…"
"I won't do it, mom. Please don't make me go there, please." Riley is begging her mother and the tears come again.
"I will talk to your father about this."
Riley walked back to her room where Maya was waiting for her, she was sitting in the bay window but when Riley came in she stood up.
"I have to ask, is this about me and Lucas? Riley, you come first and if that's why then–"
Riley owed Maya the truth "I thought it was, but it wasn't. I was sad at first, then I didn't care but the sadness stayed. That sadness manifested itself into something serious and different like I've never experienced. It's here to stay whether you date Lucas or not."
Riley's face was as solid as stone; Maya's tears had never really stopped. "Riles, what can I do to help you?"
Maya reached out to grab Riley's hand and she hardened to Maya's touch.
"I don't have many answers, but I'm pretty sure you can't help me."
Topanga goes to Cory, he is mad but the fire in his eyes has simmered.
"We need to talk and take action with Riley, I know you're angry but we cannot let her do anything drastic. I think we need to admit her."
"Okay, I agree."
Maya slept over that night but after their stressful day, Maya slept like a rock. Riley couldn't sleep with the impending hospital stint hanging over her head. Her parents told her she was going by her own will or by force. Riley begged that she would get herself better but her parents loved her too much to take that risk. She just stormed into her room.
Riley slithered out of her bed not to disturb Maya. She had to do it; she had to feel the bite of the blade before she wouldn't be able to. She felt it on her wrists and tops of her thighs. This was a new high for Riley she had never lost this much blood before. She worshipped this feeling, it was right then that she realized she had no intention of getting better.
The next day Riley was admitted, against her will but she didn't want to be strapped down so she walked in herself. Cory had calmed down by now. Cory and Maya skipped school; Riley would be missing school until they thought she was better.
She wasn't going to give up her habits just because they made some people sad. Riley had convinced herself that the people she was around didn't love her anymore. It was crazy but it helped her cope.
She was in the psychiatric ward inside of a larger hospital right outside of New York City; her parents did their research and thought that this would the best for Riley.
She had her own insipid room with one window with bars over it. The room was four stories up so if she jumped out she might still survive. She wasn't that far gone yet, she still doubted whether she should commit suicide; there wasn't much she could do in here though.
There were individual sessions and they had group therapy. In group therapy, there were kids who had depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and schizophrenia. Riley wasn't forced to share because it was her first day. It was surprisingly like a school schedule, lunch was up next.
She grabbed her mystery meat with gravy on top and half frozen vegetables and sat alone. They gave the patients plastic utensils, like she hadn't already thought about using her knife to get some relief.
A young guy from group therapy came and sat across from her. He had intense big blue eyes, it reminded her of Maya. He had a slight tan and brown hair, a shade lighter than hers. His hair was combed through with a nice part in it but it was clearly grown out. He was attractive but she was cautious because they were still in a psych ward.
"You seem pretty normal, eating disorder?"
Riley was confused, "What?"
"What's your poison then, why are you here? Judging from how frail you are and your lack of eating that you're here for an eating disorder?"
"It's not that, this food just looks like shit." It was true.
He smiled; he had a smile that was almost contagious.
She smiled back and her curiosity struck "What are you here for mystery man, I hope it's something really dark."
"It was this or rehab, I thought this would be more interesting."
A nurse called out from behind them, "Maxwell Sinclair"
"Well that's me, nice to meet you …"
"Riley" She held out her hand to shake his.
Her wrist was now exposed and he saw.
"That's why, I'll be seeing you Riley
I didn't know if I'd continue it but I decided I would, for now at least. Tried to incorporate all reactions, sorry if it disappoints.
Disclaimer: I own nothing