Sorry it's been a while!

Chapter 5

Bellamy was driving that morning. Clarke stared out the window looking for the ocean. They wouldn't see it for another day or so, but that didn't stop her from looking. She felt groggy from how little sleep she had gotten and she was glad Bellamy felt well enough to drive.

"You should sleep if you're tired." He said, glancing over at her. She tried to say that she was fine, but in the middle a yawn forced its way up her throat.

"Yeah you seem fine." He said laughing. "Seriously I can hold down the fort for an hour or so."

"I know you can. I would sleep if I could, but I'm just… thinking too much."

"I understand what you mean. It's all a bit much isn't it? I just feel overwhelmed. After six years of algae and space and Murphy being the most challenging problem, I'm just… unprepared."

"I think no matter what our life looks like some traits will stay with us forever."

"How so?" He asked. She paused, choosing her words carefully.

"I think no matter what you will always be an inspiration. You could lead the most uninspiring life and still inspire the people around you. Some people are just different than those around them. Some follow and some lead and some people are a light to others. You are a light."

"What are you?" He asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"I'm just a leader." He shook his head.
"You don't see it, but you shine too." She smiled, looking down.

"Only when you're with me. The head and the heart." She tapped her chest. He laughed.

"That's perhaps the most apt analogy for us I've heard yet."

"Have there been others?" She asked laughing.

"Sure. The princess and her guard-dog. Wanheda and the commoner."

"You just made those up." She said cracking up. He laughed.

"Maybe."

"I hated that name so much."

"Princess or Wanheda?"

"Both."

"Neither were very indicative of you." He said, looking at her.

"I hope not."

"They weren't, Clarke." Though he kept his tone light, there was steel in his voice. "You were so much more than a councilor's daughter or the commander of death."

"Maybe. Maybe not. I killed a whole mountain of people."

"Everyone seems to forget that we did that. Together." She looked up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize you wanted to share the title of Wanheda."

"I always was a little jealous that no one wanted to kill me for my power." She threw her head back and laughed. She laughed so hard, tears gathered in her eyes. Bellamy had to pull over the rover he was laughing so hard. They laughed for a long time. It felt good to laugh at something that wasn't particularly funny.

They got out of the rover and sat down on the hard ground. They leaned with their backs against the rover. There were many clouds in the sky that day. They were perhaps the only beautiful thing left on earth that they could see. The ground was barren and desolate and they couldn't see the ocean yet. The clouds drifted into shapes that not even their wildest dreams could conjure.

"I miss the green. I never thought I would say it, but I miss that awful forest. I miss the way it was always damp and the way the air smelled like mold and pine. I miss the way you could hear all the animals calling to each other at once." Bellamy's voice had taken on a distant tone, and he stared up at the clouds almost forlornly.

"It will be green again." She said softly.

"Not in our lifetime." He said sadly. She nodded. It was true. They would see green again, but not like they had in the time before. It would never be like that again. The thought made her infinitely sad. She missed Shallow Valley. It had been her home for six years. She had grown so used to her land, and now she was barred from it.

"But for someone, down the line, it will be like that again." She closed her eyes, remembering that green.

"I regret that I didn't appreciate it more when I had it. I should have been grateful for the beauty while I still could be."

"None of us appreciated it the way we should have. Don't blame yourself. You can't always be the only one taking the blame." He let out a tired laugh.

"Yes I keep forgetting that's your job." His voice was bitter. He stood and ran his hands through his hair. "I need to take a walk." He turned away.

"Bellamy wait!" She stood, holding out a placating hand. "I didn't mean it like that. You know I didn't." He shook his head.

"I just need some air. I'll be back in a bit." He walked off. He stayed within shouting distance, but she felt the distance keenly. She slid back to the ground, head against the rover. She should have known better than to say something like that. Especially with their relationship the way it was. Perhaps 'precarious' was too strong, but 'delicate' certainly summed it up. Getting to know someone again after six years was hard. Or perhaps just relearning how to act around them. She still knew him, but she had forgotten all the nuances of having a close friend. She wasn't the only one with feelings.

She stood and walked towards him. He thankfully stayed where he was. His arms were crossed and he was staring at the endless barren ground.

"I'm sorry." She offered weakly. "That was a thoughtless thing to say. It's been awhile, but that's no excuse. I'm sorry, really." He rubbed his head with his hand.

"No I'm sorry too. I just… You take the blame for everything and you always seem to forget that all those things we did, we did them together. I killed those people in the mountain too." He paused. His voice was dark and filled with emotion the next time he spoke. "You also seem to forget that the decisions I made alone were much worse than the ones we made together. If anyone gets to blame themselves it should be me. I killed three hundred warriors in cold blood. I got Gina and everyone in the mountain killed." He shook his head.

"The decisions I made alone weren't so great either." She said softly. The missile. The bunker. "There's plenty of blame to go around." She laughed without mirth. "We should have learned by now that the only good decisions we make are together."

"We should have." He said, finally turning to look at her. His familiar smile warmed her. She was forgiven. "I think from now on all of our decisions have to be made together. For the good of the human race."
"I agree."

They walked back to the rover in relative silence. If Clarke closed her eyes she could almost imagine they were walking through the forest. The air was wet and the birds were singing. The morning mist shone in the sunlight creeping through the canopy. There was no desert or endless sand. There was only green.

Their silence didn't last though. The wind started to howl.

"Clarke?" Bellamy looked to her.

"Sandstorm."

"Is that normal here?"

"No." It wasn't normal in this area. She ran to the rover and pulled her map out of the door. "You've been following this map exactly?"

"Yes exactly. I haven't gone off course at all." She bit her cheek.

"This is very bad. If this area is having sandstorms it's a new development. This could be very dangerous for us. We need to get to cover now." Bellamy looked around.

"Where?"

"We'll have to hide in the rover."

"Will that protect us?" He sounded doubtful and she knew it was a very long shot. The rover was not made to withstand winds of this nature.

"Our other option is to try and out-run it."

"As crazy and horrible as that option is, I would much rather run than sit and wait to be killed by tiny shards of glass." Clarke blew out her breath. She glanced at the sky, worriedly. They had to decide soon.

"Alright. Taking our chances on the run it is. Buckle up."

"Ha." He deadpanned. The rover didn't have any seat belts.

She jumped in the driver side and slammed the door. As soon as Bellamy was in she hit the accelerator.

"Keep me updated on the status of the storm. If it gets within four hundred meters of us we have to take cover. Alright?"
"I'll keep you updated." He gripped her hand. "We'll be fine."

"We have to be. Everyone's counting on us. Not just for food." She added. Though she didn't like to think about it, the others counted on them whether they liked it or not. She and Bellamy were responsible for them.

"I know."

The storm grew darker and the wind grew faster and faster, but they kept a good distance between themselves and the storm. Thankfully it seemed to be moving in the opposite direction of them. After an hour or two of close driving the storm finally seemed to edge off. Clarke kept driving at full speed for a while, but the danger was long gone. She was exhausted, but she couldn't seem to make herself stop driving. She needed to make sure they were far enough away. Finally after about an hour of meaningless driving Bellamy stopped her.

"I think you need to rest. The vein in your neck is starting to pop out." She shot him a look.

"I'm serious Clarke. You don't look so great."

"That's the thanks I get?"

"Thank you, but please rest. You're running on three hours of sleep." She consented to a short nap while he drove, but she was out for almost six hours before she woke back up. It was already dark by the time she opened her eyes again.

"I'm sorry. I slept for a long time."

"You needed it. It's no problem. I was fine."

"Where are we?"

"About a hundred kilometers from the ocean. We should get there in an hour or so."

"Good we're on schedule." She sat up and stretched her neck.

"Were you dreaming?" He asked. "You kept mumbling under your breath." Her brow furrowed.

"I don't remember any dreams." He nodded.

"You kept saying something about Maddy." Clarke sighed heavily.

"I'm so worried about her that I'm mad at her."

"It's normal to occasionally be mad at the people you love." He said, somewhat sarcastically.

"Only occasionally?" He shot her a look. She let it go. He would talk about Octavia when he was ready. She spent the last hour in the rover in nervous anticipation. It had been a long time since she had seen the ocean. Perhaps a year or so. She was excited. She was surprised that they hadn't needed to use the oxygen tank yet. Last time she had went to the ocean she had been feeling pretty sick when she was this far from the Shallow Valley. But of course she had also walked the whole way.

Clarke was staring at the window when she first noticed it. It happened so gradually that she almost didn't take notice of it.

"Bellamy stop!" He braked hard.

"What's wrong?" He asked, fear in his voice. She slammed the door of the rover open. She jumped out of the rover and kneeled down on the ground in wonder. Breathing was impossible when she looked around her.

"Clarke what's wrong?" Bellamy asked frantically. He ran around the rover and stopped dead. "How?" His voice was bewildered and awed at the same time. The exact same way that she felt. "How is this possible?" He asked. It was a more rhetorical question than anything else.

Clarke looked back at him, smiling.

"I knew it. I knew it!" She was kneeling on rocks covered in lichen and small ferns. It wasn't much, but compared to the desert all around them this was practically a forest. It was amazing.

"The closer we get to the ocean…" Bellamy understood what she was saying right away. They jumped back into the rover and Bellamy pushed the rover as fast as it could go. The ground grew greener. After a while they left the rover on foot, scared to kill the plants. They ran towards the ocean passing more and more green. Lichen and moss abounded and small ferns. Even some flowers and small trees. When they finally reached the ocean they were both breathless.

Bellamy let out a cry of joy and jumped into the water. Clarke followed suit and they splashed around in the water for a long time. They were both completely soaked and elated. Bellamy wrapped Clarke in a hug and she held him as if he was her only tether to the world. A dolphin jumped out of the water not far from them.

After an hour or so of swimming they came onto the beach and laid on the sand to dry off.

"I can't believe it." Clarke said for what had to be the hundredth time.

"How did it happen?" Bellamy asked. Clarke smiled.

"I'm sure there's a scientific explanation, but for now I'm just going to accept it as a miracle." Bellamy nodded.

"Imagine when we tell O! There's no reason for us to go to war now. This land is fertile, we can plant crops! We can make a peace deal with Diyoza. We can have peace!" He almost sounded like he couldn't believe it.

"We'll have to think through it carefully though. The Shallow Valley is still a lot more desirable than this land. And we'll have to set up some short of organizational rule."

"Government?" Bellamy's voice was skeptical.

"We can't just live in anarchy. We also can't just expect peace to fall into our lap. We are all warring people. Something will have to inspire us to peace. Something great than ourselves."

"Are you talking about a moral code?"

"Of sorts."

"A constitution?"

"A symbol." Clarke replied. "Something like the round table." Bellamy nodded.

"It's not a bad idea, but I'm not sure how practical. These people aren't unintelligent farmers or pompous knights. These people are pragmatic soldiers. They'll see through any attempt to fool them into peace."

"I know." Bellamy looked at her inquisitively.

"I was thinking more of a person as a symbol. Or several people." Understanding dawned on his face.

"A group of leaders from all factions. A council."

"Yes."

"Who do you have in mind?"

"I'm not sure yet. I have to think about it."

"Alright I'll keep my mind on it as well." Bellamy sighed happily. "For now I just want to lay on the beach." Clarke chuckled.

"That's what we're doing." Bellamy didn't say anymore, just closed his eyes and folded his hands on his stomach. Clarke hummed softly under her breath and picked at the sand around her.

This was the best possible outcome. They couldn't fight now that they knew there was plenty of land for everyone. They would see reason. They had to. Maddy would be able to grow up in peace. They all would have peace. Finally.