This weeks chapter, we're taking a little bit of a different approach and tackling Chloe's perspective! Thank you all for the reviews. All of them. We love your distress. It feeds us. (:
- Sid (thesilvergoddess)
A chill seeped into Chloe's bones that morning - not from the actual cold. She'd dreamed about Rachel. Not uncommon, sure, but still unsettling. "You're the one that should have died, Chloe. I had everything going for me, and you dragged me into this. Chloe, you're why I went to that party. Chloe, Nathan didn't kill me. How could he kill me when you're holding the syringe?"
She tried to close her eyes again. Images from the dreams and memories kept flashing behind them. No, no more sleep today. A dull throb whispered at the back of her mind. She didn't think she could ignore the urge to smoke this time, but she could at least put if off for a little while. She rolled and looked over at Max - something she did often when Max was asleep. Sometimes it was only to check her breathing. This morning - the clock blinked out a cheery red 6:24 AM - Max lay on her side facing Chloe with her lips slightly parted and chill bumps on her exposed arm. The circles under her eyes were so… dark - like she'd been beaten and bruised by sleeplessness and stress. The last few nights seemed to leave her alone for the most part, though two nights ago she did end up whimpering, but Chloe just rested her hand on Max's shoulder and the whining quieted down.
This time though, Chloe didn't lay there and watch Max sleep as she often did. The dreams lingered, and every time she opened her eyes felt like the blinding light of camera flash. Instead, she covered Max's small arm (god, had she gotten even skinnier?) with the blanket and pulled it closer around her face. Joints creaked and popped like the house when it shifted. Chloe grunted softly as her bare feet hit the cold, wooden floor, grabbed her pants hanging over the chair where she opened the window a bit in an attempt to feel less nauseated, and padded over to a drawer, picking out a fresh shirt. A shower wouldn't necessarily knock the internal chill off her bones, but it would certainly feel a lot better than just sitting around in her own brain fog. As she left, she looked back over her shoulder at Max, who moved slightly at Chloe's banging around. The blanket had slipped off the goofball's arm again.
Chloe didn't go back to fix it. Maybe two months ago she would have, but not now. She was fairly certain that she overreacted to everything about Max's troubles, but she knew how bad Max had been in the beginning. Hell, the poor kid had almost needed a silent padded room with literally no external stimulation. Now, though, Chloe almost felt… neglectful. Sometimes she snapped at Max when Max really needed her to be strong. Sometimes she resented it when Max seemed to come down with a case of something when Chloe was already there. She almost hated the sympathy Max got when no one would offer her any. She felt like she was responsible for her traumatized, sweeter than candy girlfriend. She knew that wasn't healthy, but then again, what relationship is truly one hundred percent healthy? Sorry excuses.
Chloe listened and heard soft wheelchair sounds and quiet humming. Mom's up. At least no one had to worry about the hot water.
Thirty minutes of talking herself out of doing potentially stupid and dangerous shit later, Chloe emerged from the bathroom even more anxious than she'd gone in. That smoke was starting to be a necessity instead of a luxury. She peeled off another tip of a fingernail with her teeth. At this rate, she'd be down to the quick on all of her nails before the day was over. She shook out her hand and idly flicked off the fingernail leavings.
"You're up early," remarked Joyce. Chloe's heart warmed a little when she saw her cute lil mom still rolling around in her pajamas. She would try not to give her too much hell today.
"Yep. Need a smoke, but it can wait." She felt herself start gnawing on the ragged edge of a half chewed nail.
A ghost of a dry smile shadowed Joyce's lips, creased with lines and between two parentheses. She used to smile so much more… "You know what I'm going to say so... Insert motherly chiding here." She yawned a bit before adding. "I know Max wishes you would stop as much as I do, and you're my only daughter… But you can only lead a horse to water."
Chloe honestly wished everyone would shut the hell up about it, but she looked at the worry in her mother's eyes. I'VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH. JUST LET ME SMOKE. She couldn't snap back at Joyce like that. Not now. Uneasiness that the shower dulled now settled once again in her stomach. Her empty fingers twitched, and she absentmindedly wiped at her nose, forcing a smile. "Hmm. Motherly chiding sounds like you."
"Chloe, honey, you know I'm messing around." She wheeled a bit away from where Chloe sat at bar. "Tell you what. I'll make pancakes this morning. It is Christm-"
A thudding door from upstairs.
Her mom's face lit up like the fat, squat tree in the living room. "Max must be up!"
Chloe's stomach twisted. She had to get her shit together before Max (invariably) needed her again. "Yeah, I'm going smoke. Pancakes sound good, mom."
Chloe didn't miss the watchful, discerning look in her mother's blue eyes, but she didn't care either. Joyce was no dummy. Chloe snatched a pack of cheap (no, affordable) menthols off the dining table and ratcheted open the sliding door, crunching out into the snow blanketed back yard. A filament of thought drifted through her mind. Where was that kitten?
With long practice, Chloe started on cigarette number one of… who knew how many this morning? Her stiff neck creaked in protest of the cold. Thoughts flickered back to flashing lights as the snow glittered brightly after every blink. She cringed and puffed a little more feverently. She could really use something stronger to take the edge off, but she needed to be in a decent mood before heavy duty self medication or else she'd trap herself in a sluggish funk along with her memories and fear. Not that she was doing a stellar job of combating those now.
She so desperately wanted to go to Max about it, but every time she even thought she could, Max would need her more. Just like at the gallery. Anger bubbled just under Chloe's sternum. She was always there for Max. Always. Even at detriment to herself.
Max is there for you. You just won't trust her.
HOW CAN I TRUST HER WHEN EVERYONE LEAVES ME?
She could hear Max's voice from inside. Chloe's stomach twisted in a way that felt familiar, but she couldn't place it. Her thoughts flickered again like a dying fire - almost like deja vu. At some point she'd started her second cigarette.
Chloe, turned away from the door, heard Max come out, and she knew immediately something was wrong. Of course something's wrong. Something's always wrong. She didn't look at Max. Honestly, she didn't know if she could keep her cool if she saw that blue eyed puppy dog stare.
A soft voice accompanied a soft touch on the shoulder. Chloe's heart sank and she suddenly felt like a real dick. All the violence dissipated. "C-Chloe?"
Chloe felt herself jump as if on reflex. She turned and put a smile on her face that wasn't far from genuine. "Oh, hey, Max. Sorry, I just needed some fresh air, you know? I..." She hesitated a moment. "I thought I'd be back inside before you woke up."
Her heart squeezed when she looked in Max's eyes. They were… glassy. Distant. Afraid.
"Max…?" Chloe's own voice felt small.
Max's eyes flickered back and forth between Chloe's before tracking absently around Chloe's face. Her mouth opened and closed like a gasping fish. Chloe thought she heard the beginning of a word underneath Max's ragged breathing. Her chest heaved and shuddered as her unnaturally blueish lips moved silently. That's when Chloe noticed the twitching fingers of Max's left hand.
And the blood that started gushing from her nose was like Chloe had never seen before. She'd seen two bad reactions from a rewind but this...
Max's eyes, covered in burst blood vessels, seemed to focus for a horrified second on Chloe, whose heart stopped entirely. Her blood ran colder than the snow outside, and the deep seated fear that gripped her soul squeezed tighter. Oh, no. And then Max's eyes rolled back in her head as she collapsed onto the snow covered ground.
Chloe was only dimly aware of herself screaming for Joyce to call an ambulance as she fell to her knees beside Max and cradled Max's limply lolling head on her own lap. Keep the blood from choking her.
The cold outside didn't have any bearing on the chill in Chloe's bones. You're going to lose her, and all you wanted to do was fight her. You couldn't appreciate her. YOU DON'T DESERVE HER.
A splatter of water hit Max's face, which Chloe held and stroked in a fevered panic. Tears? Sirens sounded from a million miles away. Joyce's voice came from behind a dozen velvet concert curtains. Years passed as Chloe desperately stroked Max's clammy, cold skin and her soft, fine hair. Blood splattered on Chloe's jeans and the snow below.
"Max, oh, god. Max, please wake up. Max, please. Max, come back. Please. Max, I'm so sorry just please come back. Max…" A million begging utterances.
Pain wracked Chloe's chest - a sharp stabbing playing melody on a fearful, panicked, dull ache.
Fear. Primal, violent fear gripped Chloe's heart as an EMT pried Max from her grasp and held her back. She vaguely felt disconnected from her body - as though someone else were controlling her actions. She felt, distantly, her vocal cords going raw from sobbing and screaming.
"I CAN'T LOSE HER, TOO."
Her vision blurred, and her soul felt sucked down to a pinpoint the dark. Fear. So much fear. Held in for so long. Her mind wandered into that darkness. Where was she? It didn't matter. What was she doing? Who cares?
Max. That's who.
Chloe felt herself rubbing at her eyes and breathing too quickly. Beeps and urgent voices called her back from wherever she'd gone. The hospital.
She'd lost time - something that didn't happen often… only under tremendous stress. She sat in the uncomfortable, faux wood chair in an empty hospital room - the newer wing of the Emergency Room - and took a minute to try to think through anything she could even faintly remember. Joyce chittered vehemently to a lab coat. Chloe felt warm, reassuring pressure on her right hand, which she moved slightly, but Joyce wasn't letting go.
Chloe managed to piece a timeline together of fragmented, foggy recollections. Max collapses. Joyce calls an ambulance. EMTs arrive and break up the two of them. Max is loaded into said ambulance. Kate texts Chloe. Chloe calls in a panic. Chloe and Joyce drive to hospital. Kate arrives at hospital, gets keys from Joyce, and leaves to bring back clothes for Max and Chloe. Joyce calls the Caulfields. Joyce holds Chloe's hand the whole way.
Her ears rang, and her throat felt like she'd tried to swallow razor blades.
"Mom…?" Her voice was already hoarse.
Joyce seemed a little startled and looked over at Chloe - tiredness settling in crow's feet, accentuated by the harsh, clinical lights of the hospital. "You alright, honey?" She squeezed Chloe's clammy hand some more.
"I, uh… I spaced out. What… What's happening…?" She refused to look her mother in the eye and felt her cheeks betray her Totally Cool exterior.
"You seemed pretty out of it, but that's okay. Sometimes big things are hard to deal with." She added quickly. "I'm not mocking you. That was quick thinking on your part to elevate her head. The doctor said it probably kept her from…" Joyce shook her head, and Chloe noticed her mom still wore her festive, fleece pajamas.
Chloe's heart slowed it's erratic pace along with her breathing. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes, and she let go of Joyce's motherly touch. She tried to even out her tone before speaking, but her voice cracked anyway. "Where is she now?"
"If you want to go for a little walk and get some water, she's getting a brain scan now, so she'll be a bit."
She almost always knew what Chloe needed without needing to be told.
Chloe walked off down a sterile hallway, dry heat circulating above while chill bit at her legs. The dry heat only chapped her lips. The chill in her bones ran too deep for any heater to warm her. A nurse hustled by without looking at Chloe. A walkie-talkie blurped out a tune and a static veiled voice called out, "Repeat, any spare radiology techs to Diagnostic Imaging Room Two."
Diagnostic Imaging… Invariably where Max was getting her brain scan.
The chill turned to numbness. She nearly bumped into the vending machines at the end of the hall, which turned onto another hall. She blinked a few times and tried to jog her brain.
"Caffeine," She muttered and jabbed the button without thinking.
The cheery red lights on the Coke machine blinked $1.50, and Chloe dug around in her pockets for two, crinkled dollar bills which she shoved in the machine. One bill, the machine refused. Chloe numbly stuffed it back in the yellow slot. INSERT BILLS HERE, it read. Like a wrinkled tongue, the machine slipped it back out again. Chloe took the dollar and smoothed it on her leg. George Washington seemed pretty smug about not being fed to the caffeine machine. Almost like he was mocking her.
She tried again only for the machine to spit it back out. In. Out. In. Out. Her annoyance turned to frustration, and like an unseeable force that crept from her chest, tears fell from her eyes. She felt… helpless, and George Fucking Washington wasn't helping. It seemed like everything she was doing was pointless. Despair welled in her rib cage and escaped as bitter tears. She found her head too heavy to hold and leaned it against the machine while tears fell silently down her face, hoping against hope that no one would come down either hallway. Her luck sucked.
"Ma'am…?" A timid voice.
Chloe wiped her face and straightened, turning with dry eyes and a small yet sheepish smile. "Yeah, sorry. Stupid wrinkled dollar bill." She dug in her pockets looking for some spare change, but the nurse held out two quarters.
"Are you with Ms. Caulfield? Joyce said that you were looking for some water."
Chloe cleared her throat and wiped at her eyes again. "Y-yeah. I am. Is this about Max?"
The nurse put the quarters in the machine herself. "I can't… really say anything, but you need to know that she's going to be okay. She had something… very strange happen, but working in a hospital, I can tell you. Sometimes, life can be strange."
Chloe punched the Coca-cola button a little too hard and the front of the machine warbled in protest. "She's gonna be okay?" Her voice cracked and tears threatened to fall again.
"We're going to have to keep her overnight, but if she does well tonight, then yes. If she doesn't, well… We'll figure something out." She put a hand on Chloe's shoulder. "That's all I can say, but we can tell you both more soon."
Chloe nodded brusquely and watched the nurse shuffle off. Unsorted feelings burbled in her chest, and her head began to pound. She leaned and picked up her Coke, cracking the lid and taking a long sip before walking back to the hospital room where Joyce waited, thumbing her phone screen idly. She was probably playing a game. She glanced up at Chloe upon her arrival.
"Did you run into the nurse?"
Chloe nodded but said nothing. Joyce didn't pry.
A quiet repeated buzzing filled the quiet room. It took a couple of insistent buzzes before Chloe realized it was her phone. She pulled it from her back pocket. Kate. She hastily answered before the phone rolled to voicemail.
"Hey." Chloe's voice didn't crack this time.
"Chloe? Is everything okay? You haven't updated me! What room are you in? I'll come find you!"
The questions didn't really bother Chloe at this point. She could really use a nap. "Everything's fine." She saw Joyce look up at her shrewdly. "Everything will be fine," she clarified. "We're in room…" She'd already forgotten.
"207." Joyce offered.
"207," Chloe added with a mouthed 'thanks.'
"I'll be there in just a minute! I brought your mom some clothes and-"
"Just tell me when you get here."
It was quiet a moment on the other end of the line.
"Right. Be there in a few."
"Yeah." Chloe hung up the phone, and turned to Joyce. "Kate."
"I figured, Ms. Grunt-and-Mumble." Joyce rolled her eyes. "You really ought to be nicer over the phone. Kate's just trying to help."
Chloe shrugged in response. More than anything, she was silent to keep the tears at bay. If she spoke too much, she was afraid of what would come out of her mouth. Silence was the best option. She flopped next to her mom and idly watched her play Candy Crush for a few minutes before there was a tentative knock on the door.
Joyce, without taking her eyes off the game, opened the door slightly and let Kate in who stood bearing plastic, grocery bags of clothes, toiletries, and sundry things. Kate's eyes dropped from Chloe's as she rested her caravan packs onto the floor.
"I uh… also stopped by the store to grab some granola bars, just in case the cafeteria wasn't available when you guys got hungry." She shrugged and smiled. "So… Fill me in. Is she okay?"
Joyce remained silent for a few seconds, and Chloe looked down at her ragged nails, peeling away rough edges. Joyce spoke and clicked her phone screen closed. "Well… The doctor came in while Chloe went to get a drink and said that she would most likely be alright. She needs to be observed all day today and tonight, and I can't stay overnight. Chloe will have to do that."
"I can if you need to go home, Chloe," Kate interjected.
Chloe shook her head. "I'm staying." She paused, realizing her words came out a little too hard. "Thanks though, Kate."
Kate nodded, and Joyce continued. "She needs an open MRI to be sure, but they said that it looks like a brain aneurysm."
Chloe's heart froze and her eyes dried out instantaneously. She heard Kate's breathing stop. "A what…?"
"A brain aneurysm. The doctor said it wasn't anything to really worry about unless it was… significant, which it could have been."
Chloe felt rage simmering just under her sternum at not knowing sooner, but she was mildly thankful for being out of the room at announcement time. She wasn't rightly sure what that meant but...
"They said it isn't an official diagnosis yet, though, just a shot in the dark."
Kate remained quiet throughout the explanation and excused herself a few moments after Joyce finished. She came back a good bit later, under her eyes puffy and as red as the tip of her nose. She spoke quietly. "I called Warren, Brooke, Daniel, and Victoria. Warren and Brooke said they could come take a shift tomorrow, if you need it, Chloe."
"I'm not going anywhere," Chloe growled.
"You might need to get some rest is all, but you don't have to leave. I'll get you a roll out bed."
Joyce shook her head and muttered, "It's only ten thirty, and it feels like midnight."
Kate blinked rather rapidly and looked at Joyce with wide eyes. "Oh! I uh… I brought you clothes." She paused and covered her mouth in a gracious little gesture to hide a smile. "Not that I don't love your jammies."
Joyce smiled but shook her head again. "I don't think I'm going to need them. I don't rightly feel the best, and I'm getting David to take me back home, if you'll stay with Chloe after Max gets back and I hear everything."
Kate nodded and whipped out her phone, tapping quickly. A few moments later her phone beeped happily. "My parents say that's fine and to do whatever you needed me to do!"
Another knock at the door.
A slim woman walked in without approval. Her calf length lab coat nearly caught in the door as it closed behind her.
"Oh, Kate. I didn't know you were working today." Her tone was nonchalant as she read something off a clip board.
"Oh, no, ma'am. I'm here just as a friend and support today."
The lady made a noncommittal grunt. "You must be Mrs. Madsen." She'd turned to Joyce. "Max is going to be fine. It wasn't too big of an aneurysm and it didn't rupture, so surgery isn't necessary." She paused and glanced over the chart again. "But it was, in fact, an aneurysm. Her blood pressure was 115 over 75, though, and she's stable. We got her awake and functioning for a while, but she seemed very confused for a while. We got her all sorted out and explained everything to her, and we kept her awake and stable for a while before letting her rest again."
Chloe felt herself get more disgruntled. She wasn't one of these smart types. "Okay, but… What exactly is an aneurysm?"
The doctor looked over at Chloe for a second before dryly stating , "A bulging blood vessel in the brain that, if it ruptures, can cause a stroke or death."
Chloe swallowed hard. "Oh."
"Whatever Ms. Caulfield has been doing needs to stop. If it continues, it will most likely kill her." The doctor looked at Chloe from her shoes to the top of her head before directing a request. "May I speak to Chloe alone, please?"
Kate was out of the door faster than Chloe thought possible, and Joyce wheeled herself out as well. Once alone, the doctor continued her hard glare at Chloe. "Are you aware of what causes an aneurysm?"
Chloe felt a sweat break out on the small of her back and under her arms. "I didn't learn about that in biology, so no."
"Very funny." The doctor looked over the charts again. "When did Ms. Caulfield start having these symptoms?"
Chloe shifted uncomfortably. "October."
"Ms. Madsen told me that you'll be staying because you're her girlfriend."
Chloe clenched her teeth. "Yes?" Her voice was hard and the "s" sounded more like a hiss.
"When did you two start dating?"
"October." Uneasiness gripped Chloe's insides, and she nervously sipped at her sweaty Coke.
"Ms. Price, I'll be perfectly clear with you. You seem like a type of person who isn't exactly an upstanding citizen. Have you enticed Ms. Caulfield into any recreational drugs?"
Chloe's mouth fell open. She couldn't really even get Max to try to smoke pot with her. "I can't even get her to smoke a cigarette. Not that I'd want her to start the habit."
"Be honest with me, Ms. Price. Only two things could cause such a dramatic problem in someone so young and one of those things is cocaine use."
Chloe couldn't stop the snort. "Of course it is." She huffed. "No. Max hasn't done any recreational drugs in her life."
"The other cause is repeated head trauma."
Chloe could see where this was going but stayed silent.
"Ms. Price, have you ever gotten mad at your girlfriend? Have you ever gotten so mad at her you wanted to put her in her place?"
Chloe couldn't help her voice from rising a little. "No. I have never hit Max. I have never even wanted to hit her. I would never hit Max. Sure, I've gotten mad at her. Sure, we've argued, but I have never even thought about hurting her."
But that was a lie, she felt like. She'd thought about horrible things happening to Max that she didn't even really want to happen. When she got mad at her, she thought about dark and scary things, and she got so mad so often lately. She didn't want anything bad to happen to Max, but sometimes her brain went somewhere else that not even Chloe knew she was capable of going. She would never act on anything. She could never hurt Max.
But you've thought it, and that's just as bad.
The doctor looked at her skeptically, as if knowing the thoughts going on in Chloe's head. She didn't say anything else and opened the door to leave, looking over her shoulder at Chloe. "Think it over, Ms. Price, and if you have anything to change about what you've said, please let us know so we can do our best to help Ms. Caulfield." She started to move but paused. "What about a Rachel? Maxine was muttering something about a Rachel."
Chloe's blood ran cold. "Rachel's dead, so what does it matter?"
The doctor nodded curtly and walked out. Chloe felt a scream rising in her throat. She drank another sip of Coke. The bubbly beverage dissolved the feeling. She looked at her hands and felt disgusted. She couldn't even be upset at Max without the universe trying to put her back in her place. Bitter resentment coated her tongue like the sugar from her drink.
No. Now isn't the time for a grudge, a part of her said.
It's never the time for a grudge.
Joyce busted into the room with a sour look on her face, and Kate looked appalled and ashamed.
"The nerve of that doctor!" Joyce spat. "To accuse my daughter of something like that!"
Kate blanched and shook her head. "She can be unreasonable sometimes." She clapped a hand over her mouth. "Don't say that to anyone, or I'll get fired."
Joyce rolled over to Chloe and took Chloe's hands in hers. "You listen here, Chloe. Don't let that doctor do anything to bring you down. That… that bitch."
Chloe felt a bark of salty laughter come out. Sometimes, Joyce knew the right thing to say.
A while later a nurse rolled Max in and set her up again in the hospital room. Wires came from every available opening of her thin little hospital gown. Garish yellow socks covered her feet, which were, invariably, blue. The whole damn place was freezing. Kate explained that it kept germs from spreading, but Chloe would have much rather be covered in germs at this point.
Kate swapped Max's socks for some a little more comfortable while Chloe dug out a fleece blanket and wrapped it around the tiny body on the hospital bed. She looked down at Max. The blood under her nose had been washed away, but that didn't make her look any less… bad. Her eyes looked like someone had punched both of them, and her cheeks seemed entirely too pale. Her skin was so cold.
Chloe shuddered. It hadn't been fast getting her back into the room, but she didn't really know what she was supposed to expect. Now that Max was back, she had no idea what to do.
Joyce had called David to come pick her up and said she would be back if Chloe needed her, but she decided to go work some on Christmas to make extra money. "Since no one's going to be around the house, I don't know why I would stay there."
Chloe wasn't even slightly irritated at her mom. She normally would have liked for Joyce to not go to work, but she felt that she could use some time by herself. Mostly by herself. Max didn't exactly count as company while she was unconscious. Another nurse came in after Joyce left to put something in Max's IV drip.
"Ketorolac," Kate said.
Chloe just nodded like she understood.
"It's an anti inflammatory." She stood and stretched. "Chloe, it's nearly noon, and I know you haven't eaten. Do you want to g-"
"No, I'm fine." Her stomach gurgled in betrayal.
"Do you want me to go get you something to eat, then?"
Chloe chewed on her lip a second and adjusted her beanie out of habit. "Yeah…"
Kate nodded and left again.
Chloe resumed her post holding Max's hand until Kate came back with a burger, fries, and water, which lasted all of two seconds in Chloe's grasp. She wiped her hands lazily on her pants, grabbed Max's hand carefully, and rested her head on the bed, sitting in the horribly straight backed chair beside it. God, she looked so small in that gown. So frail. So vulnerable. Chloe felt her shoulders starting to get tight. She needed a smoke but didn't want to leave Max's side for even a second.
"I see what you're doing," she whispered mostly to herself. "This is just an elaborate plan to get me to stop smoking." She laughed a little to herself. It was a tired laugh.
The day drew on, Kate napping and reading in one chair and Chloe in the other, painfully hunched over Max's sleeping self. They took breaks staying in the room. Chloe needed fewer breaks than Kate. David had come by at one point to bring the girls some food from the Whales, where he'd been hanging around all day.
After a few hours of vigilant watch, disturbed only by nurses checking Max's vitals and David delivering food, Kate scooted her chair closer to Chloe.
"So… What actually happened?"
Chloe didn't say anything for a long minute and didn't look back at Kate.
"You don't have to tell me."
"No, it's okay. I mean, I've talked to her as much as you have, but from what I understand, she rewinded."
"And it hurt her this time?" Kate's soft voice didn't make Chloe's skin crawl, unlike so many others' quiet tones. Hers wasn't patronizing.
"I don't know, man. She hasn't in all this time. Not since right after the storm. Sometimes, she would pass out or get a nosebleed, but most of the time, she'd just get a headache. This time..." She shuddered, the cold returning to her chest. "She looked… wrong. She was almost blue. There was too much blood this time. Usually, it's just a trickle or even a little more, but this time it was so bad...Her pupils were too big and… She just looked wrong, Kate. I was really scared for a while, there Even if she went back, she must have done it a lot. I've never seen anything like… like that."
Kate's eyebrows scrunched, and she sipped on her Sprite. "I'm glad you were there for her, at least. It's a real blessing you were there, despite what's happened. The doctor said if you hadn't elevated her head that she would have choked."
"That's what everyone keeps telling me."
Kate clicked her phone display on after a few minutes of silence. "Chloe, I should probably be getting home soon." She paused. "If you need me to, though, I can stay."
Chloe shrugged and stretched from her seat. "Nah, go on home. What time even is it?"
Kate stood and gathered a few of her things. "It's almost seven. Do you want to go for another walk before I go?"
She shook her head. Secretly, Chloe wished Kate would have left hours ago but knew that she was just as worried. She also knew that her temper might let go around the daytime crew and needed incentive not to lose her cool. All the time stuck in a ten foot by ten foot room with no television, no window, and no way to dull thoughts made Chloe edgy. She felt trapped. Confined. Time meant nothing with the harsh overhead light.
Time. Chloe felt numbness in her fingers.
"Well, uh… Text or call if you need anything, alright?" Kate rested a hand on Chloe's shoulder before hugging her from behind. "I'll also get you a fold out bed for tonight before I go."
Chloe, keeping one hand still on Max's, squeezed Kate's forearm and looked up with a small, genuine smile. "Thanks, Kate."
The irritability from her lack of smoking started taking its toll hours before Kate left, but it only really crept in when no one was there to help Chloe share the burden. She cringed and felt slightly sick to her stomach. Had she just thought of Max as a burden?
No.
Some more time passed before a smiling nurse knocked barely and rolled in the fold out, explaining how it worked, to which Chloe just nodded along and muttered some thanks. She hadn't realized how tired she was and thought that, despite everything that had happened, she might get some sleep. She assembled the fold out and sat on the slab disguising itself as a bed. She leaned over Max again and watched the slow rise and fall of her chest. She watched Max's eyes flutter behind her eyelids. She noticed the pink that had come back a little in Max's cheeks and how her freckles seemed to stand out more against her skin. She noticed how Max's fingers twitched like they did when she was in a deep sleep. She realized how cold Max's skin still felt despite being under three blankets.
Chloe clicked off the lights with a scoot here, laid down, and pulled closer to Max, resting her head halfway on each bed. She checked her phone. It was only 8:30. She wrote Joyce to check in, pulled another blanket out of the bag Kate had brought, and got up again to quickly change from her regular clothes into pajamas. At least they're warm. With a final settling down, she felt herself drifting off quicker than she thought possible, but the day had been long and arduous. She found herself dreaming - no, thinking about a conversation a few months ago.
"Chloe?" Max fiddled with her hands the way she did when she was nervous.
Butterflies gave way to straight up indigestion. She tried to keep her tone even. "What's up, Mad Max?"
She smiled a little. God. Those pink lips and those pearly teeth. Max's smile could chase all the nightmares away. "Can we talk about something?" She paused. "It's nothing to worry about. I just need to get something off my chest."
"Sure, man." Chloe kept it short. Her fear couldn't fuck with her words if she said less. Chloe had been worried for a few weeks that Max would realize how screwed up she was and would decide to leave her.
"I've… been trying really hard to not rewind since…" She swallowed and looked away, her face going pale a few more shades than normal. Seeing her like that hurt. "Anyway, I've been trying really hard to not rewind. I did for a while after, and… Chloe, it's so hard. I felt like I was in control over it, and then, I wanted to do it for no reason other than I could. It felt so… good. It feels so good. The feeling that you can always make the right choices, that you can always say the right thing... To not have to worry so much about consequences." She shuddered and closed her eyes. "It's so easy to fall back into doing it. It always feels like such an option when anything goes wrong. I-"
"Max, you don't have to do this to yourself." Chloe swallowed the lump in her throat. "I understand. In... my own way, I guess."
Sadness filled Max's eyes, but she continued. "I wish you didn't… I just realized after a while that I couldn't control it, no matter what I thought, and that I was just playing with fire. Eventually, all this rewinding would hurt me somehow, but I just… can't stop it by myself. I feel like it's the only option anymore. I feel like…"
Chloe's jaw tightened, and her teeth ground. "It's an addiction, Max."
She didn't disagree. "Talking about it helps, I guess. I don't feel as alone."
Compassion broke through Chloe's walls as she took Max's trembling hands in her own. "You aren't alone. Listen, Max. Please come to me if you start struggling with this."
"Chloe, I can't do it again… I'll fall back into the pattern and my head…"
"I know, Max. I know." She pulled Max close to her chest and comforted the small girl.
"It isn't an option anymore," she whispered.
"I promise I won't somehow mysteriously get fucked by the cosmos again, if I can help it."
Max laughed through her tears. Laughter was good. Even if tears were attached. "Please try."
"Hey, Max?" Her throat felt tight, like tears threatened to fall from her own eyes.
"Yeah, Chloe?"
"I'm always here for you."
Max squeezed Chloe tighter, burying her face in Chloe's neck. "I'm always here for you."
"And Max?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
The silence stretched a century long.
"I love you, too, Chloe."