Elkay snarled angrily as Bernie and the purple-haired girl retreated.

"Behold, I am a dragon! Fear my beak!"

Ellie backhanded her leg.

"Don't overdo it. You can't possibly make this dialogue sound more forced than it already is."

"I believe I can," the dragon said sassily.

Ellie rolled her eyes and turned to Balenor, who was hovering a few meters off of the ground. The whale gave her a gentle smile.

'Claire and Owen are safe,' he informed her telepathically, 'I'll bring them to Cambodia, if that is what you require me to do.'

Ellie smiled.

"Thank you. If there's anything we can do to repay your kindness, let us know."

The whale gave her a deep bow and lifted off into the sky. Ellie watched him for a while before turning back to Elkay, who was nibbling on her own toes.

"You really ought to spend more time with him. He seems nice."

Elkay shook her head.

"Nah, he doesn't need a bad influence like me in his life. I'm not so good at parenting. Weird, considering I come from a long line of mothers . . . Ha!"

Ellie sighed.

"Well, you won't get better if you don't try. When this interdimensional crisis is over, we should have a family reunion or something."

"How do we figure out what kind of toilets to use?"

Ellie blinked.

"Is that really your primary concern?"

Elkay shrugged.

"Well, my kids and relatives are all so diverse that it would be impossible to find a uniform pooping system. And the dragons won't poop at all . . ."

"Dragons don't poop?" Ellie asked with disbelief.

"Mhm. Didn't you know?"

Ellie shook her head.

"I was unaware . . ."

Elkay laughed.

"Well, you ought to learn more about dragons, since I know you so well."

Ellie smirked.

"I find it hard to believe that you know-"

"March thirteenth, starfish, garden salad, 32-C."

Ellie crossed her arms.

"Oh yeah? December twenty-ninth, dishwashers, Aero bars, boobless."

Elkay cocked her head.

"Touché."

Ellie smiled mischievously.

"Round Two?"

Elkay rubbed her chin.

"Alright . . . Lizadora, Laura Dern, pink."

"Drulamere, not available, and yellow. Real original."

Elkay frowned.

"Fine, Mrs. Smartypants. Jeep Wrangler, peanut butter and jelly, Pepperbox Revolver."

"Corvette Stingray, peanut butter and banana, and I have no idea what you're getting at with the last one."

Elkay smiled and placed a small ivory-colored gun in Ellie's hands.

"It's your signature weapon. I decided that you needed a more distinct godly persona, so I had this made for you."

Ellie gave an awkward smile.

"Thanks, but I don't need-"

"I also got you a horse."

Ellie's wings drooped.

"Another one?"

Elkay nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah. Since you didn't like the first horse-"

"I never said that."

"-I decided to give you my old mare. Her name is Passarino Paladino, and she's a Palomino. The font on her brand-mark is Palatino."

Ellie stared up at the dragon blankly.

"I don't need a horse or a gun."

Elkay looked a little hurt.

"Are you sure?"

Ellie bit her lip.

"Look, I appreciate that you're trying to help me, but I just don't think that all of this gift-giving is the way to do it. If you really want to make a difference, why don't you spend time with me and my friends?"

Elkay pawed at the ground guiltily.

"It's a nice thought, but I don't think it would work out. I'm responsible for a good chunk of their misery."

"They can learn to forgive you . . ."

Elkay smiled sadly.

"I don't want to interfere with your life. It's all well and good to forgive people like Henry and Lars and maybe even June, but you have to remember that I'm on a different plane. As a god, one must make decisions that affect the lives of others. Whether the result is positive or negative, someone will always get hurt. That's why I didn't criticize you for centering your story around Claire and Owen. It's easier to hurt strangers."

Ellie didn't say a word. After a moment, she spread her wings and tried to take off. Elkay held her back.

"Where are you going in such a rush?"

Ellie tried to pull away from her grasp.

"I need to find Balenor. I'm bringing them back."

Elkay held onto her tightly and rolled her eyes.

"Please don't tell me that you're going through an existential crisis relating to whether or not you deserve the power to make others miserable for the greater good."

Ellie wriggled in her fist.

"This is messed up. It's so messed up. It's like-"

"Something I would do?"

Ellie stopped struggling.

"That's not what I was . . . I didn't . . . Don't put words in my mouth!"

Elkay grinned.

"Like I've been doing for almost ten years, you mean?"

She dropped Ellie, who made no effort to get up. Elkay poked her as she lay in the dirt and groaned miserably.

"I'm a terrible person . . ."

Elkay pursed her lips.

"No, Ellie, you're not a bad person . . ."

"I told Yannick that I needed his personal information because he's the least popular character of the group and we need to make him more relatable."

"You were only trying to help . . ."

"He gets distracted by the color red and he's still suffering side effects from a hypnosis session he attended over sixteen years ago."

"That's not so bad . . ."

"And he listens to Nickelback."

"Yikes . . ."

Ellie rolled onto her back.

"I'm seeing my friends more as characters and less as people."

Elkay twisted her beak.

"That's not true. You spend a lot of time with your family."

"My family, yes, but my friends . . ."

Elkay lowered her voice, somewhat pointlessly.

"Are you talking about Robin?"

"She's trying to make everyone self-aware to prove a point," Ellie explained.

"Self-aware?"

"She calls herself Meg Ryansaurus, and is encouraging everyone to make me feel like an outsider because I know about meta stuff."

Elkay poked her, trying to get her to stand up. She didn't respond.

"I think the others are starting to shift to her side," Ellie continued, "Of course, Chris Evansaurus has no choice: they're married. My main concern is that B. D. Wongosaurus is going to join her, since they're such good friends now. If he turns, Halle Berrymimus will follow, because she does whatever he does . . ."

"What about Ian and Sarah?" Elkay asked.

"Well, they have an obligation to support Vanessa Lee Chesteraptor, so now that she and Haley Joel Osmentraptor have thirty kids, they're kind of stuck with me."

Elkay lifted Ellie up by her wings.

"Oh, nobody is stuck with you, Ellie. You just need to perk up a little."

Ellie sighed as Elkay tried to make her flap her wings cheerfully.

"Don't be sad, Ellie . . ." she cooed.

"I'm not sad! I'm tormented by the fact that I might be doing the wrong thing."

Elkay waved Ellie's arms around floppily.

"Aren't we all?"

Ellie tore herself away from the dragon and sat gloomily by the side of the road. Elkay watched her with a worried expression. After a moment, she crept up behind her and started singing.

"It's my day and I'm doing okay. I can make a difference in so many ways . . ."

Ellie crossed her arms grumpily.

"I don't have the patience to deal with you right now."

The dragon ignored her, scooping her up and tossing her into the air merrily.

"It doesn't matter what happens to me, cuz it's my choice to be hap-hap-happy!"

Ellie grumbled as Elkay continued to throw her around like pizza dough.

"Happy, Ellie! Be happy!"

"People are suffering . . ."

"Forget them!"

"Nations are at war . . ."

"Ignore them!"

Ellie's eyes went wide.

"Julia Spurr is attacking us!"

"Pretend she- WAIT, WHAT?"

Before they could react, they were knocked down by a magic, flying net and carried away by a massive hovercraft.