Bound by four walls, cut off from society, and left with only his thoughts. A world where cold and emptiness combined and seethed deeper into his aching bones and mind.
Jack laid on the mattress, shivering as if he was just thrown into four inches of snow in just his boxers.
The past few days Jack had been beaten, seen the guy who replaced Vinegar, claw chunks of flesh from his nose and cheeks then write on the window with his blood, and seen someone get dragged down the hall from their cell into a padded room because he wouldn't stop banging his head against the wall.
Jack's mind spiraled down a rabbit hole and it'd take a miracle to bring him back. His sense of human decency was dissipating with each passing second. Having to stalk his own conscious constantly just to make sure he wouldn't harm himself like the others did.
Jack felt so lonely to a degree where he felt that being lonely was something physical inside him - something so goddamn thick that he swore it was choking him.
"Mercer!" Yates called. "Let's go!"
Jack took his time to get up, his limbs crying and shrieking. He didn't know if it was rec time or just another beating from Yates, but he was sure Yates would've already had him pressed against the floor by now.
He didn't know what time it was, and he prayed it wasn't time for rec, because his body wasn't going to allow him to do push ups or anything.
"What time is it?" Jack asked in his raspy voice. "I'm not going to rec today."
Jack never knew what time it was - he would sleep so much to pass time to the point where he'd wake up and not know if he was asleep for hours or minutes.
"You're not going to rec today, dickhead. Just put your hands through the slot before I have to come in there." Yates ordered.
Jack walked to the door and turned around before putting his hands behind him and through the slot. The steel wrapped around his wrist and tightened after he heard the click.
The door opened and he was grabbed by his the back of his shirt and yanked into the hallway, tripping over his own feet, his shoulder crashed into the wall.
"You ain't have to do that to him, Yates!" One of the guys from one of cells shouted.
Yates ignored it and grabbed Jack by his shirt and forced him to stand straight. "Walk." He spat.
One foot in front of the other, Jack walked down the tier that had numerous doors on each side, holding men who were sobbing and shouting and begging to get out.
The steel started to rub against Jack's skin, swelling and heating his wrist, only for the cuffs to get tighter. But he didn't even bother to ask Yates to loosen them, because he'd only tighten them even more.
Walking out of the mouth of the beast and back into another. He now realized he was only getting put back into general population since his solitary confinement time was up.
"This is your stop, dickwad." Jack's back muscles relaxed and so did his wrists once the cuffs were taken off. "Don't make me have to come back in here and throw you back into the SHU. I get tired of you real quick."
Yates shoved Jack forward and into the pod where he seen the rest of the inmates doing what they always did ; playing cards, working out, reading, and making hooch to get a buzz.
Dragging his feet across the floor, Jack felt eyes on him and he knew who they belonged to. Not phased, he turned his head to see Slick staring at him as him and his boys chuckled.
Jack shook his head and scoffed in disgust before he broke their stare and walked back into his old cell - not thinking he would ever miss it, but he did.
Dashawn was to busy doing push ups on the floor to notice Jack walking back in. Jack pulled out the polaroids and letter from Selena, out of his waistband and laid them on the top bunk.
"This still my bed?" He spoke up.
Dashawn paused for a moment before jumping to his feet and turning around with a grin. "Yo! What's up?" He said with a laugh. "I was starting to think you killed yourself, dawg."
Dashawn dapped him up, and Jack couldn't help his body from jerking and nearly jumped out of his skin.
"You good bro?" Dashawn asked, his brows arching up, before his face softened and then realized. "Damn, I see they treated you like hell, and since we're already on the subject, they whooped your ass, huh?" He sucked his teeth. "Did the same thing to my boy, Rashad, expect they threw him back in there two months ago and I haven't seen him since..."
Jack got on the top bunk and didn't say anything back, to focused on how hard he flinched at just the touch of a hand. He did prison for five months before, but nearly two months in solitary confinement did worse than those first five.
He reacted how he used to when he got out of foster care and it took him more than just a few months to feel comfortable and safe again.
Jack felt the bed shift a bit when Dashawn laid on the bottom bunk. "When do you get out?" He asked.
"In five days I guess, if I'm counting right." Jack muttered, not wanting to talk.
"I get out next month too. I really think I'm gonna do better this time. Fuck all that other shit. Life too short, man. Life's too short."
"Head count! Let's go!"
Like two flashing light beams, Jack's eyes open as his heart pounds with his mind empty. He lays there for another two seconds after one of the officers repeat themselves.
"Headcount! Get up!"
Dropping off the top bunk, he walked out in front of his cell and stood next to Dashawn, lined up with the other tired inmates outside of their cells.
Once everyone stood outside their cell, Officer Noel started to count off each inmate. About the twenty-eighth person down, Noel paused and sucked his teeth. "Pull your pants down, man."
Heads turned to see who he was talking to. All eyes landed on a pale and frail guy who's pants were rolled up to his knees. Brandon, an inmate who's been locked up a little bit longer than Jack.
Jack never talked to him, but he always knew from distant that something wasn't right in his head, and he figured since he was a marine that what he assumed with probably right.
"It's not regulations." Brandon responded, not bothering to fix them.
Noel clasped his hands together. "Alright fellas, this is what's gonna happen, inmate over in
five-o-three, refuses to do what I asked him to, all of y'all will go on lockdown for the next two hours. I asked him to pull his pants down and look, they still not down."
"Fucking clown." Brandon mumbled, but loud enough for everyone to hear, which is exactly what he wanted.
Noel pointed a stern finger at him. "I suggest you to shut the fuck up while you're ahead."
Brandon stuck his tongue out and rolled his eyes in the back of his head like a child then mocked Noel. "I suggest you to shut the fuck while you're ahead, bleh bleh bleh...What are you gonna do? Throw me in prison?"
As Noel strode towards him, a few of the guys snickered, but Jack didn't care and wasn't in the mood for a laugh either, not that anything was funny in the first place.
Noel pushed him into the cell and closed the door, pissing Brandon even more off. "That's all the fuck you can do, bitch!"
Ignoring him, Noel walked back towards the middle of the pod. "Get back in your cells and get comfortable cause y'all gonna be there until lunch! Say thank you to five-o-three!"
A concert of teeth sucking and cussing filled the pod as the inmates walked back into their cell, closing their doors.
Jack and Dashawn both got back on their beds, just a few seconds later to hear one of the guys, clearly pissed off, threatening Brandon.
"Imma kill that fucking white boy! When we get out, I'm fucking that man's up!"
Brandon shot back, giving Jack a headache with all of the back and forth they were doing. "Fuck you too! You ain't got shit on me!"
"That's boy's mind is gone." Dashawn said. "These bloods and guards ain't nothin' to him."
Jack slept for the two hours they were on lockdown, and continued to lay in the bed after they are allowed to leave their cell. But he didn't want to do anything, other than stare at the ceiling.
Dashawn walked into the cell and dropped something next to Jack's hand, then left as quick as he came.
Jack almost didn't look at it. His mind spiraled into darkness that was beyond measure, and moving just an inch, made everything feel real and he couldn't face the fact that he had given up on himself and life - he just didn't care about anything anymore.
He grabbed the envelope and lazily opened it, pulling out a letter that was from Selena.
Rain has drops
Sun has shine
Moon has beams
That make you mine
Rivers have banks
Sands for shores
Hearts have heartbeats
That make me yours
Needles have eyes
Though pins may prick
Elmer has glue
To make things stick
Winter has Spring
Stockings feet
Pepper has mint
To make it sweet
Teachers have lessons
Soup du jour
Lawyers sue bad folks
Doctors cure
All and all
This much is true
You have me
And I have you
- Your love, Sel
Jack spent ten minutes in bed debating whether or not he should call, coming to a conclusion that he should, he got out of the bed and went straight over to the phone.
He took the phone off the hook and impatiently waited for Selena to answer. His leg finally quit bouncing when the ringing came to an end.
"Hello?" A raspy voice answered. "Who's this?"
A coil of rage winds in Jack's gut. "Her fucking husband. Who in the hell are you?"
"Adam." He chuckled.
Jack opened his mouth, but no words came out when he could hear Selena's voice in the background.
"Why'd you answer it?" Jack heard shuffling going on then Selena's voice that was now clear. "Jack? It's not what you think it is, I wa-"
Jack snickered. "Just do what you want, Selena. This shit doesn't matter anymore." Not caring to hear her explain herself, he hung the phone up and returned to his cell.
Jack started to pull himself up onto the bed, but before he could, his collar was tugged on and then his back harshly slammed into the wall.
He let out a groan of pain, feeling exactly where one of his bruises were.
And to no surprise, Slick had Jack pinned against the wall with his shirt clutched in his fists. "I know you did it, you son of a bitch. I knew you did it since the minute I mentioned it." Slick growled through his teeth.
"And now what? I killed my dad over my kids, so what? You won't do shit about it."
"I won't?"
"You won't." Quicker than he thought, Jack kneed Slick in the groin. Before Slick could fall to his knees, Jack grabbed him by his shirt and slammed him into the wall the same way Slick did him.
Slick chuckled and shook his head. "Boy, you killed my brother and when you get out, I got people coming for you."
Jack snorted. "If I wanted to, I could kill you right now cause I've done it before and it wouldn't mean anything to me now...But I won't do it, and it's only because I have kids out there that I need to see. That is the only thing holding me back right now from snapping your neck."
"Do you seriously think that not killing me will clean all the blood you spilled on your hands? You have more than I ever will." Slick smirked. "Or am I just an excuse for you to spill some more?"
Slick's eyes twinkled in mirth. Jack's lips form into a thin line and he didn't care anymore, he just wanted to get out of this hellhole and whatever happens, happens.
"You know what...If you send anyone to my house to kill me or my family, I will make sure that I kill them and I will make sure that someone kills you and I'll make sure you feel it. Try me bitch. I want you too."
At the face of intimidation, Slick covered it up with another smirk. "I'll be out soon, boy. And I'll make sure you're taken care off." He gave Jack a once over and then walked out.
Inside her car, Selena anxiously waited for Jack to walk out. She didn't know how he was going to react when he sees her. They haven't talked in month and when she had the chance to, Adam answered her phone and Jack hung up before she could get a word in.
Fingers drumming on the steering wheel to the low beat of the radio, she thought about all the shit that Jack was gonna find out and what they were gonna have to go through to get back to being okay again.
Letting out a huff, Selena unlocked the doors and leaned her head against the window once she seen Jack walk out of the the prison doors.
And the poem, "I Have You", belongs to Nikki Giovanni.