Claire had a dream. She was on a mountain, trudging through the snow. She knew that she was headed for the peak, but she didn't remember why she wanted to go there. There was definitely a reason, though. If only she could remember . . .
Suddenly, through a cloud of tumbling snow, she saw Owen running towards her. She was happy to see him. If there was one thing she remembered, it was that she felt good around him, even if she didn't know why, exactly.
He ran over to her, skidding across the white powder frantically. He practically fell in front of her, and when he did, he shoved some sort of plant in her mouth. As he moved her jaw with his hand, she could feel that it was a flower. She swallowed it and looked into his eyes. He was waiting for something. He was waiting for her to come back.
"Owen, I'm trying . . ."
He looked at her with a hopeless expression.
"I'm trying . . ."
She leaned forward and kissed him. He ran his hand along her cheek, and she shivered.
***TSJWFEW***
Claire opened her eyes and saw Owen sitting on her belly with his eyes closed. She had craned her neck all the way up, and she was kissing him, presently. His whiskers twitched. Claire quickly pulled away from his mouth, flicking her tongue to and fro to remove the fur. Owen opened his eyes drowsily and smiled.
"Well, good morning to you, too!"
Claire snorted and rolled over. When she stood up, Owen was nowhere to be seen.
"Please tell me I didn't squish you . . ."
"Nope. I'm just stuck in one of your folds."
He wiggled out from under her armpit. Claire shook herself off and started pacing.
"Alright, I think I have a plan."
"Big surprise."
Claire shot him a look.
"First, we start to help out around the valley. We'll improve their healthcare, get them to start farming, and maybe even install a few lamps, though I'm not sure how we'll get the fire started . . ."
"I can show them how, like last night."
Claire nodded briskly.
"Good. Next, we start an adoption program for the orphans. If we can ensure that the hatchlings have guidance, the next generation won't be so screwed. Speaking of which, these children need to be educated. I'll teach them a few basic skills, then- Oh, for goodness sake, Owen! Stop licking your privates!"
Owen paused with his tongue sticking out of his mouth.
"Hey, I'm a jerboa. I can't exactly take a shower."
Claire rolled her eyes.
"Alright. Where was I?"
"Education."
"Right. We'll teach these stegoceratopses a few basic skills-"
"Like reading and writing?"
Claire sighed.
"I don't think that's practical. They don't have hands, and besides, I don't know if they're smart enough to understand written words."
"They can use their horns to write, and they're definitely smart enough, since they left you a message outside."
Claire blinked.
"What?"
She waddled over to the mouth of the cave, and sure enough, there was something written in the dirt.
Clar, com find us in the feeld. We mad brekfast for yu. We wud hav brot it heer, but yu wur gleeping.
Claire frowned.
"What the hell is 'gleeping'?"
"Dunno, but I think you can be arrested if you do it in public."
Claire scooped up Owen with her horn and carried him out of the cave. They made their way across the meadow, and a dozen moths fluttered out of the damp grass.
"Hey, do you think it's weird that they speak English?" Owen asked.
"Of course, Owen. Jesus Christ, they're dinosaurs!"
He shook his head.
"That's not what I meant. We're in Cambodia, so how did they learn English?"
"How did they learn any language down here?"
"Where did they come from?"
"Who created them?"
"What's your middle name?"
Claire blinked.
"What?"
"I thought we were asking random questions."
Claire snuffed.
"Kennedy."
"What?"
"My middle name is Kennedy."
"What the hell kind of a middle name is that?" Owen laughed.
"It's common."
"It's a boy's name!"
"It's gender-neutral, and don't be sexist, thank you very much!"
Owen rolled his eyes.
"Kennedy . . . Kennedy . . . Kennedy . . . It sounds like the name of that weird kid who always stole other people's crayons in kindergarten."
Claire gave a snorting laugh.
"Did you know a Kennedy or something?"
"No, but there's just certain names that give you a very specific mental image."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. Try me. Any name."
Claire cocked her head.
"Okay. Um . . . Jane."
"That quiet girl who nobody knows anything about because she refuses to go to parties."
"Megan."
"The kind of person who goes to too many parties."
"Ruby."
"Some old woman at a nursing home."
"Duncan."
"A British guy who always smells funny."
"Billy."
"An obnoxious know-it-all who likes to go hiking."
"George."
"A person who only has his name because his parents ran out of ideas."
"Claire."
Owen smiled.
"A sweet, intelligent woman who, despite her possible OCD, is one of the most attractive women to grace this earth."
Claire rolled her eyes.
"You know, all of those descriptions were negative, except the last one."
Owen shrugged.
"What can I say? There are a lot of bad people who taint otherwise lovely names."
Claire snuffed.
"Alright. Let me try. Go ahead. Pick a name, and I'll describe it. Nicely."
"Bertha."
Claire frowned.
"Don't make it so hard for me."
"Alright . . . Deborah."
"A sweet lady who probably works at an office."
"Olivia."
"Although she may not be the most beautiful girl around, she definitely has a few quirks that you learn to love."
"Sapphire."
"No fair!" Claire protested, "You can't use gemstone names."
Owen smiled cockily.
"Why? Do they remind you of strippers? Looks like someone's been proven wrong."
Claire huffed.
"I'm sure there are plenty of people named Sapphire who aren't strippers."
"Maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a trashy name."
Claire frowned bitterly.
"Owen! Don't be rude. Names have no meaning outside of the ideas we assign to them."
"But the ideas we assign to them are totally valid. There's life outside of charts and statistics, you know."
"I know."
"Emotions may not be admissible in a working environment, but that doesn't mean they don't exist."
"You trying to flirt?"
Owen chuckled.
"Naw, I'm just being philosophical."
"Right. Anything else you wanna discuss?"
"Have you ever pooped your pants when you were over the age of ten?"
Claire shrugged.
"Well, I had to take medication once for a doctor's appointment, and it had laxative properties, so I accidentally pooped in the shower."
Owen sat up on her back, his mouth agape.
"You answered. Oh my god. I didn't expect you to answer."
Claire smirked.
"There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Owen. I'm not as uptight as you think I am."
"Apparently not . . ."
"What about you?"
"I'm pretty relaxed."
"No, I mean for the poop question."
Owen laughed.
"Oh, geez. Where do I begin? So, I've always had this thing with gummy bears. I don't know what it is about them, but somehow . . ."
They continued to walk down the path in this way. Their discussion was open, honest, and sincere, even though it was at the maturity level of the fifth grade. Claire didn't know whether they had become a little wiser or more foolish, but for once, she didn't really care.
***TSJWFEW***
The stegoceratopses had set up a veritable banquet. Claire gawked at all of the fruit, vegetables, and miscellaneous vegetation. She didn't realize how hungry she was until she stuck her face into the pile. She was so hungry, in fact, that she didn't notice Owen nibbling on a carrot that she was about to consume.
"Claire! I've had enough of dinosaurs trying to eat me, okay?"
"Sowwy!" she mumbled through a mouthful of leaves.
"I hope you're enjoying your breakfast," Rock beamed as he walked up to them.
"Iff gweat! Fank you!" Claire said brightly.
"Oh, don't thank us!" Rock laughed, "It's the least we can do after we upset you last night."
Claire swallowed her food.
"What? Oh, don't apologize for that. It was Owen's fault, anyway."
Rock looked down guiltily, wrapping his tail around his back leg.
"We're just humble dinosaurs."
Claire tilted her head and gazed at him sadly.
"Don't say that. You're very kind, and with a little help, I'm sure you can advance your society to the point of- OWEN! STOP LICKING YOURSELF!"
Owen spat out a wad of fur.
"Well, I can't finish if you keep interrupting me!"
Claire rolled her eyes and turned back to Rock.
"I've been talking things over with Mr. Crotch-Licker here, and we've decided to improve things in the valley before we leave."
"And you'll help us fight the elephants, right?" Rock asked eagerly. Claire raised her eyebrow.
"Rock, do you see any elephants down here?"
"No . . ."
"Then you'll be safe, as long as you stay hidden."
Rock bit his beak.
"But-"
"Trust me: I'm queen."
Owen gave her a sour look, but she ignored it. Rock nodded slowly, then lifted his head nobly.
"Alright. I believe you."
Claire smiled.
"Good. Now, why don't you introduce me to your doctor?"
***TSJWFEW***
Rock brought her to a small clearing where Dirt was waiting. The brownish-purple stegoceratops had a cloud of flies constantly buzzing around him, and Claire decided that it would be best to fix that first.
"Dirt, have you ever considered bathing before treating patients?"
"Well, sure! But I don't see what difference it makes."
Claire frowned.
"Dirt, if someone is wounded, their lacerations need to be clean, or they could become infected."
Dirt cocked his head.
"Well, yeah, I mean, theoretically, but I can just press my herbs against the cut, and it will fix itself."
Claire sighed.
"Alright. Show me which herbs you use."
"All of them."
Claire blinked.
"Sorry, come again? . . ."
"All of them. It doesn't matter which herb you use. All plants heal wounds. Natural remedies are foolproof."
Claire's jaw dropped.
"No! No, that's absolutely wrong! Plants contain chemicals, just like any other medicine. Just because something's natural, it doesn't mean that you can go around and use it willy-nilly! You need to measure dosages and match the correct herb to specific ailments, or you could do some serious damage!"
Dirt narrowed his eyes.
"So . . . I should press more herbs against the patients' wounds?"
Claire sighed and rubbed her forehead.
"This is going to be harder than I thought."
***TSJWFEW***
A few hours later, they met up with Boulder and Stone to teach them how to farm. The two stegoceratopses could be distinguished by the shade of their scales, but they were otherwise identical. Claire made a mental note to remember that Boulder was the darker one.
"Okay, so we're a bit behind schedule, but that's fine . . ." she said as she approached a wide field.
"Could you maybe say that without a twitching eye?" Owen sassed, "It's not exactly reassuring."
Claire waved Stone and Boulder over. They stood at attention like soldiers.
"Alright, you two seem strong. Do you think you can plow this field?"
"It depends," Boulder stated.
"On what?" Claire asked.
"On what 'plowing' is."
Claire looked up at the sky.
"Lord give me strength."
She dug her tail spikes into the ground and drew a large rectangle. When she was done, she shook the dirt away and pointed to Stone and Boulder.
"Alright. Do the same thing I did, but stay inside the lines."
Stone and Boulder looked at each other, then nodded. They stepped into the rectangle, and began to tear up the field in random patterns.
"No, no, no, no, no!" Claire shouted, "You have to do it in lines, just like I did. Go up and down the field STRAIGHT!"
"Well, why didn't you say so?" Stone asked.
Claire could only put her head in her hands as he started walking diagonally across the field.
***TSJWFEW***
"Alright, so I'm guessing we don't have time for the orphans," Owen said as he licked his paws and ran them over his face, "We might be able to install a few lamps-"
"Skip it. I don't trust them with fire."
Owen rubbed his ears.
"Alright. We'll work on the school, then?"
Claire nodded.
"If we can."
They passed a green stegoceratops on the road. Claire paused, then pulled him to the side.
"You're Tree, right?"
He shook his head.
"Me? Wha- Uh, no. I'm Vine. Tree is my brother. Listen, can you not grab me like that? No offense, but you're a little dirty."
Claire sighed.
"I've been plowing the fields. It can't be helped."
Vine nodded.
"Well, uh, maybe you should see Sandy. She's in charge of the hot springs. Dunno what I'd do without her. I can't stand filth."
Claire rubbed her chin.
"Vine, I'm going to give you a special job."
"And what's that?"
"You're going to be the doctor's assistant."
Vine blinked.
"You mean I have to spend time with Dirt?"
Claire nodded.
"Mhm."
"Dirt. The doctor."
"Yes."
"Dirt. The dinosaur who once spent five hours in a mud puddle."
Claire nodded slowly.
"Yes, one and the same. Hop to it."
Vine grimaced and lumbered away. Claire beamed proudly.
"Great. Now he'll keep Dirt clean."
Owen scoffed.
"Wow. I can't see anything going wrong with that plan . . ."
***TSJWFEW***
Instead of meeting Sandy by the hot springs like Vine suggested, they decided to go through with their plans of educating the youth. Claire vaguely remembered someone telling her that Tree was smart, so she used her impeccable planning-sense to deduce that he would be a decent teacher. She found the tall-frilled stegoceratops arguing with a red stegoceratops by a ravine.
"Don't be stupid, Tree! The moon is made of ice! Everyone knows that!" the red stegoceratops bellowed. Claire walked up to them and smiled.
"Actually, the moon isn't made of ice. Tree is right."
Tree beamed.
"See? If the queen says the moon is made of bones, it must be so!"
Claire blinked.
"I never said- Look, the moon is made of a special kind of rock. You're both wrong."
Tree sneered.
"Impossible. I'm never wrong."
Claire snorted.
"Okay. What are clouds made of?"
"Cotton."
"Wrong. Water vapor."
Tree frowned.
"Wh- Wh- Wh- WATER VAPOR? Don't be ridiculous! Water isn't white!"
Claire frowned.
"What about ice? Ice is frozen water, and it can be white."
Tree snorted loudly.
"Hahaha! Good one! The mountains are covered in solid water! That's hilarious!"
Claire stared at him for a very long time. Then, she stood up and walked away.
"So, about that school . . ." Owen began.
"Skip it."
***TSJWFEW***
Claire sighed as Owen dog-paddled past her in the hot spring.
"I don't know, Owen. I've always been good at organizing people, but if those people are utterly hopeless, I have a hard time giving them directions."
Owen got out of the water and shook himself off.
"Naw, don't say that. You just have to try harder. I've never seen you give up on an investor or any other client . . ."
"You've never seen me working in general. But you're right. I shouldn't give up. I just need a little patience, that's all."
She noticed the blue stegoceratops from earlier (Sky, if she remembered correctly) making his way over to the hot springs. He dipped a toe in the water and smiled. Before he could enter the springs, however, he was chased away by Blossom, Sandy's assistant. Claire watched the poor stegoceratops hobble away in fear. Blossom noticed her discomfort and trotted over.
"That was Sky. He's different. We'll keep him out of your way-"
Claire frowned.
"Blossom, I think you should go and find him. Let him know that he's free to swim. I don't mind."
Blossom nodded quickly.
"Of course. I'll get him. But only if you want me to. You know, because you're queen. Not that I wouldn't agree with you if you weren't. Because I would. You look nice today!"
Claire pursed her beak.
"Blossom. Go."
She nodded and skipped away. Owen chuckled lightly and shook himself off again. His fur jutted out in dark spikes, which he proceeded to lick.
"Owen, stop that! You're already clean. Don't be gross."
He rubbed his face.
"It's instinctual! Besides, it's not doing any harm. If you're allowed to eat grass, I'm allowed to lick myself."
Claire slammed her foot on the edge of the spring quite suddenly, causing Owen to jump.
"I'm only eating grass because I need it to survive, okay? Do you know how much dinosaurs eat?"
Owen shook his head.
"No, but I wasn't-"
"A lot. They eat a lot. My stomach is designed to eat vegetation. I have no choice."
"Claire, calm down."
She rumbled angrily.
"It shouldn't be any of your business whether I eat grass or leaves or fl-"
He hopped up on her beak, holding it shut with his entire body.
"Don't say that word, Claire. Every time you say 'flower' or 'flowers', you change."
Claire blinked.
"I do?"
Owen nodded.
"Haven't you noticed? It must have something to do with that flower inside of your stomach."
Claire was about to tell him that there was no magical flower inside of her, but she saw Sandy waddling over, and decided that it would be a terrible idea to deny her royalty in front of a devout stegoceratops.
"Did someone mention the Lilylotusdrop?" Sandy trilled.
"Yeah, I did," Owen said, "Of course, Claire knows all about it, but if you could fill me in, that would be great . . ."
Sandy smiled cheerfully.
"The Lilylotusdrop is a hybrid flower. It is part lily, for its beauty, part lotus, for its serenity, and part snowdrop, for its medical uses. The gods call it Moly."
She leaned in and whispered to Owen in a conspiratorial tone.
"Some say that the Lilylotusdrop has healing powers, and that it can reverse any lethal injury. Others say that it makes the bearer beautiful beyond compare, and I don't doubt that!"
She nudged Claire with her elbow.
"Wait . . . You think I'm beautiful?" Claire gaped. Sandy laughed.
"Well, gee! Of course you are! You're the most beautiful stegoceratops in the valley! I guess it's hard for you to see yourself that way, since you're so humble and all."
Claire looked at her reflection in the water.
"But I'm all scaly . . ."
"Aren't we all?" Sandy giggled.
"Well, yes, but I'm also green."
"A very nice shade of green, if I do say so myself!"
"I'm chubby . . ."
"You're a lot skinnier than me!" Sandy snorted.
Owen climbed up on Claire's frill.
"I think what Sandy is trying to say is that you're a pretty stegoceratops. By the standards of an ape . . . a very specific kind of ape . . . you may be ugly, but the thing is, you aren't an ape. You're a stegoceratops, and stegoceratopses are supposed to be scaly and green and chubby. You might be one hell of an ugly ape, but you're a beautiful stegoceratops."
Claire clapped slowly.
"Wow. Have you been practicing that?"
Owen shrugged.
"If it comes from the heart, there's no need to rehearse."
Claire smiled. Her grin disappeared, however, when she saw a crowd of disgruntled stegoceratopses charging towards her. In the lead was Dirt, who wore a deep frown. Claire crawled out of the hot spring and shook herself off. Her subjects were seething.
"Queen Claire! Why did you send Vine to work with me? He's been nothing but trouble!" Dirt growled.
"ME?!" Vine spat, "You're the one who refuses to clean his work station! Didn't Claire tell you to be more sanitary?"
Bo squeezed through the crowd.
"I found Stone and Boulder trying to tear up my favorite clover patch! They say they're going to plant food, but there's already food there!"
Rock pushed him aside.
"Claire, I saw Sky using one of the hot springs. He can't swim! What's going on?"
Claire gulped and backed away.
"I . . . Um . . . Things got a little out of control."
"You said you knew what you were doing!" Boulder and Stone chorused.
"She does!" Rock insisted, "You're just not listening to her right!"
"But what about Sky? She said he was free to swim!" Blossom argued.
Claire gulped.
"I didn't know he couldn't swim. You should have said something."
Blossom twisted her beak.
"I'm sorry. I thought you knew. I guess it's my fault."
"Well, whose fault is it that my shrubs were destroyed?" Bo snarled, "Boulder and Stone?"
Claire shook her head.
"No. It's no one's fault. I should have been clearer, and they should have listened better. We share the blame."
"Share the blame?" Rock echoed, "But you're a queen. You're perfect."
Claire blushed.
"Oh, I wouldn't say 'perfect', exactly . . ."
Owen cuffed her leg. She cleared her throat and held her head high.
"Listen, I may be a queen, but that doesn't mean I can solve all of your problems. You know what's best for the valley, but you need to communicate with your peers so that they can adhere to your needs. If you have conflicting ideals, work them out and decide upon a fair resolution. Share. Compromise. Work together. You can do it. I know you can. You just need to have a little confidence in yourselves."
The stegoceratopses looked at each other uncertainly. They turned back to Claire with pleading eyes.
"You're our queen," Rock said weakly, "Can't you help us with organization?"
Claire nodded.
"Yes. I'm going to go through your problems one by one, but you need to promise me that you'll cooperate. Deal?"
"Deal!" they shouted in unison.
Claire nodded.
"Good. Follow me, everyone. We have work to do."