Chapter 17 – There's Fire
AN: Thank you for your patience. My eternal thanks to those you reviewed, favored and alerted 'Destiny.' I enjoyed reading all your comments. Thanks to wonderishome, pistonsfan75, IcyPinkLemonade, hstrywlk, avidFanFanatic, J, Kfan72491, MaidenAlice, pumpkinking5, B Dizzy, LACR, Nai1987, Chloe, WhosJazzy, jmjames and guests for taking the time to leave a review. This chapter has Haymitch, Garrett and Katniss' POVs and is rated R for foul language. Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins.
Haymitch POV ––
The sounds of screams and gunfire continued to escalate outside the bakery. I felt helpless and anxious. My throat felt raw and dry as my tongue tasted chalky and bitter. I should have known something was up. It wasn't even twenty four hours that Snow made his presence and threat known––that he wasn't pleased with Jay's video elevating Peeta into some celebrity status throughout Panem. He had no control over him. The whole idea stunned me. Soon after the guys visit I received a transmission from a contact in the Capitol confirming my fears and suspicions.
Flashback ––
I awakened suddenly waiting for a blast of cold icy water to greet me. Soon after the guys left, I ran went to straight to my liquor cabinet reached inside for my special bottle of whiskey. With a small glass in one hand and the bottle in the other, I weighed the two in front of me. I kept hearing voices in my head saying, 'Do it, don't do it.' The mantra flooded my mind that I didn't realized time passed. The next thing I knew I was on my couch cradling the bottle while the glass rolled onto the floor. I must have been more tired than I realized that one shot put me to sleep.
I jumped in my seat as the monitor signaled that a transmission was being sent. From whom, I could only guess. Then imagine my surprise and concern as the image formed onto the screen.
"Hey, Abernathy," the figure said in a low and deep baritone. It was Beetee Latimer, one of my fellow victors. Beetee and I were not close or even friendly but just two people who knew each other by forced association––for having survived the arena and the games. One would ask what the difference for surviving the games and the arena. There was a big distinction. I survived both the games and the arena while others haven't. Take Annie Cresta from District 4. She came out alive from the arena but her mind was haunted by the games that she endured. Months after her victory she was so shell shocked that she couldn't get over surviving the games. She couldn't handle living in the reality of it. They called it survivor's guilt. She admitted to Finnick O'Dair her mentor that she had expected to die. What her tipping point was, was watching her fellow tribute die in front of her. The experience traumatized her that even until this day she suffered bouts of hysteria from reliving images of her partner's beheading.
"Beetee, what the hell?" I exclaimed with exasperation and impatience. "What is so important that you risk communicating with me…today of all days…and in daylight?"
"Haymitch, you know me enough to know that I wouldn't be talking to you unless it was urgent and necessary," he retorted. Beetee was a calm and collect individual. He never panicked in dire situations. This must really be an emergency to contact me hours after Snow's broadcast.
"That's was what I was afraid of," I muttered to myself. I sighed. Ever since Peeta's whipping, things had gotten tense in District 12. And compounding the intensity was Jay's broadcast. "What's going on?"
"My source in the Capitol, she's heard rumors that something 'big' is going to happen in your district."
"Is she a reliable source?" I asked. I trusted Beetee, his source? She was a different matter.
"She's never failed me so far so yes, I trust her." He leaned onto his elbows letting his face appear large on the screen.
"What is this 'big' thing that's going to happen?"
"She didn't get the full detail but that Snow's really pissed at the MockingJay's video, especially the attention that District 12 is getting," he expressed.
"Shit," I said underneath my breath.
"The Capitol loves and wants to see…what's the boy's name? The one being whipped on the video?"
"Peeta Mellark." I flinched.
"He's gained some popularity amongst the districts, especially the Capitol. They can't get enough of the love story between him and his girlfriend."
"That's fast. I mean, how desperate are the Capitolites if they're interested in two kids from District 12?" It was disgusting that they saw Peeta's plight as some Star Crossed love story between him and Katniss.
"Listen, I think it's to our advantage that we use––"
"What the fuck, Beetee," I roared in anger. He wanted to use them too. "I want everyone to leave them alone. They are just two kids caught up in this fucking nightmare. I will not let anyone, not you, Snow or Jay and District 13 use them for our cause."
"Listen, Haymitch," he added. "I'm not saying to use them exactly but the timing of the video. It's couldn't have been timed perfectly."
"Say what you mean, Beetee." I was losing patience. I wanted another drink to settle my nerves. There was something in the air that unsettled me. Something 'big' was going to happen. I could feel in my bones.
"Snow is so distracted with Peeta that we upped the time table," he notified me. Shit!
"You mean––"
"Now that we know that District 13 is alive and operating, we can proceed to introduce the MockingJay soon."
"When?"
"During the next games instead of next year's Victory Tour," he informed me. "We'll have the audience for the broadcast. We can start rallying Panem for our cause."
"I don't like it," I admitted. It's too soon to act."
"Shit, Haymitch," he retorted. "We've been waiting for years to act. How much more time do we need? How many more reapings must we have?" Beetee was right. I just didn't want them to involve my district and Peeta. He continued, "Panem will be so busy watching the games. Jay's timing with the video was brilliant. Snow will be busy with the next arena and Peeta's growing popularity that––"
"No," I shouted.
"What do you mean––?" Beetee looked puzzled, disturbed by my resistance.
"I will not put Peeta and Katniss in harms' way," I seethed in anger. "Snow already threatened him and everyone he loves, Beetee. The poor kid almost died with Cray. Now you want to…parade him about so you can what? Distract Snow? Use him for your propaganda? Find another way."
"Haymitch, we're not suggesting to display or parade Peeta like you're implying," he said as he exhaled a deep breath.
"You're still using him for your agenda," I reminded him.
"Haymitch, whether you like it or not. Peeta is already under Snow's radar," he said. "It's done. We need to take advantage while he's distracted."
"You're not here in District 12 to feel Snow's wrath. You're safe in your district. You're not the ones affected. He's up to something I can feel it."
"Even if that's the case then it's time. District 13 will rise from the ashes. Tell Jay that your scout needs to be at District 13 sooner than later." My head spun. Things were happening too fast. Now we also have to up Gale's trek to 13 right away––the next couple of days if possible. Shit. "As for Peeta I recommend––"
"You don't have access to Peeta, none of you will. He's my responsibility. You don't have a say to what happens to Peeta or Katniss for that matter. Back off," I barked. Beetee sighed.
"Haymitch, think of the big picture." His words stung and hit me in the gut. It's what the kid said when he found out about his popularity and Snow's interest in him. Damn the kid for being right and accepting his fate. Then, it dawned on me. I realized that he was giving up. It wasn't all about just being brave but accepting that there was nothing he could do as people now want to use him like a puppet––Snow, Jay and Beetee saw him as an opportunity.
"I am but it doesn't necessarily mean that I will use a sixteen year boy to manipulate. What have we become that we're willing to do that to him?"
"He's just one out of thousands, Haymitch," he stated. "There are more lives at stake than just his life."
No, I wasn't willing to…sacrifice Peeta for our cause. Not if I can help it.
End of Flashback ––
Coming into contact with Darius was a sign. I had hardly ever communicated or interacted with the young Peacekeeper. However, I realized that I needed a short conversation with our new interim Head Peacekeeper. I was bewildered at Snow's choice of command until he assigned a permanent one. Darius was young, inexperienced and an illogical choice to sign over command and protection of District 12. However after giving it much thought, I realized choosing him, someone I knew and tolerated as a Peacekeeper benefitted me. He was reasonable and not an impressionable young man that I could converse with. I had to remind myself that he was still a peacekeeper so I had to choose my words carefully and wisely when I spoke to him earlier.
"Haymitch, I need to do something," Jimmy whispered. There was anxiety, anger and fear written on his face. His son and future daughter in law were huddle together with the rest of the customers who were stuck inside the bakery. Peacekeeper Gordon stood at the door rifle in hand feet apart as he kept his eye at the chaos outside ready to fire if necessary. Suddenly a loud thunderous sound filled the air. Everyone ran to the window and watched as groups of Peacekeepers ran down the street heading towards the Justice Building.
"What's happening?" frantic husband who argued with Darius asked.
"Shit, I don't know," I answered him. "I hope that's a good sign."
"Dad, we need to do something then just sit here and not look for Peeta," Rye interjected. He mimicked his father's concerns and facial expression.
"No one is going anywhere," Peacekeeper Gordon spoke. Then he turned to his mic. "Darius, Martin anyone? What's going on?"
"Corralled a group at the Justice Building courtyard," Darius answered.
"Need reinforcements?" Gordon queried, as I was certain that he rather be there than be stuck with us watching civilians.
"We have everything under control," he returned. "We have 65 percent containment. Just keep civilians away from here."
"Understood, sir," Gordon returned. He was so focused on talking to Darius that he didn't see frantic father slip out to the back of the bakery. I too was distracted.
"Damnit, where did he go?" I shrugged my shoulders in response. A minute later a loud masculine scream filled the air. I flinched.
"Fuck man, he should have stayed inside," Gordon responded. "It's not my fault that…that he got himself killed." No one disputed him. Then, suddenly a sharp, high piercing whistle permeated the air. It was so sharp that everyone covered their ears with both hands. Tears tracked down my face as the sound got sharper causing my eyes to water and my head ready to explode. The last thing I saw was Delly falling on the ground and others followed her.
I woke up my face mashed on the bakery floor. It was a good thing Jimmy kept his floor clean since my mouth was opened and my tongue touched the ground. I flinched as I opened my eyes wider looking around me. Moans and curses filled the air. "What happened?" Rye asked as he held Delly's head on his lap.
"I don't know," Jimmy responded. He was seated next to his son a hand on the side of his head. "Damn, my head hurts. It's like a drank a whole bottle of whiskey."
I harrumphed. "When was the last time you got drunk?" I teased him. He thought about it for a second when a smile appeared on his face.
"At Graham's wedding." His smile widened at the memory. "That was a good day." His happy demeanor changed suddenly. "Oh shit, I've been so worried about Peeta, I didn't even think about Graham and his family."
"Dad, you know that Graham can take care of himself," Rye tried to assure him. "Peeta's out there. At least we know that he was inside, right?" Jimmy shook his head.
I stood up and peered outside the window. It was quiet and almost dark as the sun met the horizon. "It's too quiet out there. I don't like it."
Peacekeeper Gordon finally awakened. "Shit, what happened?"
"Don't know all I remember was a high pitched sound then the next I knew I woke licking the floor," I explained. "Why don't you get a hold of Darius?"
"In the meantime, I'm going to call Graham and find out if they're okay," Jimmy stated as he went to the back of bakery.
"Darius, sir. This is Peacekeeper Gordon," he identified himself. "I need a status of the situation?" He was greeted with a crackling sound at the other end. "Sir, what's going on?"
"This is Head Peacekeeper Darius. It's all clear. The animal attacks have ceased and have returned to the forest," he said.
"What happened, sir?" he asked.
"No time to explain," Darius responded. "I want all peacekeepers to return to camp." Without a word, Gordon opened the door and exited the bakery. Others followed leaving Rye, Delly and I at the storefront.
Jimmy appeared. "I gotta go," he said in a panicked voice, as he appeared seconds later.
"Dad? What's wrong?" Rye asked as he gently laid Delly's head on the ground and stood up.
"Graham…I tried calling the butcher shop. No one is answering." He removed his apron.
"I want to go with you."
"No, Rye. Stay here. Delly is still out. You need to take care of her," he ordered as he noticed his future daughter in law on the ground. "Besides, this day is shot. I want you to close shop."
"But––"
"Don't argue with me, please," he pleaded. He looked frustrated and scared. I hoped for Graham and his family's safety. "Haymitch?"
Without his asking I knew what he was wanted. "Right behind you, Jimmy." I followed after him. Before he left he patted Rye's shoulder and ruffled his hair. "I love you, Rye."
For a second Rye was startled. "I love you too, Dad."
"When I find out what's going on with Graham, I'll give you call but in the meantime, please don't leave the shop. I can't handle not knowing where Graham and Peeta are. At least I know you're okay."
"But––"
"Rye, please. Just do as I ask," he begged. Rye nodded his head.
The walk to the butcher's shop wasn't long. On the streets I looked around to find windows broken, blood on the ground and people filling out of the stores and building. They took tentative steps looking around them. I wished I had a knife or something in my hand to defend myself. But then I thought unless I had a rifle or gun, a knife wasn't sufficient defense against sharp claws and iron grip jaw that could snap a limb in two.
Each step I took I prayed for Katniss and Peeta's safety hoping they survived the attack. In the back of my mind, I knew this was Snow's machinations. The timing of the fences lowered and removing his troops was too coincidental. This was a warning.
"Oh my God, Graham," Jimmy's voice interrupted my thoughts. The butcher shop windows were broken and the front door was ripped from the hinges. 'Oh my God,' my mind echoed. "Graham, Sonja!" He ran inside ignoring the shard of glass on the ground.
I raised a hand over my mouth. Inside the shop was blood and guts littering the floor. I couldn't stomach the smell that reeked in the air. It was pungent and foul. "Graham, Sonja. Please answer me!" Jimmy shouted his voice cracked with fear. "Tyler! Tyler! Sonja! Where are you?" He was frantic as I looked for his family. "Please, please. Agneth, Dieter. Graham, where are you?"
"Mr. Mellark," a voice timid and soft spoke from the floor above us. Jimmy ran up the stairs to the second floor. I followed suit hoping for a miracle.
When he reached the second floor, Jimmy exclaimed in relief. "Katja, thank God." She held baby Tyler in her arms. She had tears in her eyes. "Oh my God, thank God. Tyler." He reached and took him in his arms. "Where's Graham and Sonja?" he rejoiced cradling Tyler in his strong-arms back and forth.
"I don't know. It happened so fast. Graham told me to hide upstairs in the closet," she explained. Jimmy kissed Tyler's head as he slept in his arms. "Then…I don't know what happened after I heard that awful sound. I think I passed out."
"Where are your parents?"
"They left yesterday for District 10," she answered. District 10 was known for raising livestock. If you wanted the fresh meat and wholesale, you had to go to District 10's Market Day which was held once a month. They had to get a special permit to leave 12 and visit 10. It was illegal to travel beyond your district without permission. It was how the Capitol kept a tight rein in the population. Everyone was accounted for as each child was registered and a census was taken every year.
"Thank God they're okay," Jimmy said with relief. "But where are Graham and Sonja? I didn't find them downstairs."
"Mr. Mellark, they were down there when the attacks started," Katja explained. "They have to be." Jimmy paused for a moment as the cogs in his head ran. I could see the scenarios in his mind flashed his mind. He quickly secured Tyler back into his daughter in law's arm and ran down the stairs two at a time.
"Graham, Graham." I followed after him. I felt a sick feeling in my stomach. Jimmy raced around the shop looking and calling out for his son and daughter in law. He made a complete stop as he found the door to the cold storage room, as it was ajar with the door hanging on the top hinge. With tentative steps he yanked the door from the hinge and gasped. "Graham, Sonja. Oh my God." He raised a hand over his mouth as his eyes filled with tears.
I walked over and stood beside him. What I saw horrified and made my stomach turn. On the ground surrounded by desiccated meat of beef, pig and chicken were Graham and Sonja. She lay on her back as her throat to her stomach were shredded from what looked like large claw marks. Their faces turned to each other and her left hand clasped to his left. You could tell that Graham had dragged his bloody form to Sonja as his blood left smeared tracks on the ground beneath him. Graham had a large bite mark on what remained of his right shoulder as his right arm was ripped from its' socket. I flinched as Jimmy's cry of horror and anguish filled the room. I would never forget that sight and sound of a man's heart not just breaking but dying from inside as he fell to his knees and wept.
Garrett POV––
Both Gale and I reached the edge of the Seam when two groups of wild dogs appeared right before us. Without a word or sound, I drew my bow and fired. Arrows flew one by one hitting each target without fail. Gale fired besides me not missing his targets as well. I smiled as I thought how proud his father would have been had he been alive.
Gale looked at me with awe. "I thought…Katniss said that you stopped using your bow because you…couldn't hunt anymore." He was diplomatic enough not to state the obvious. Yes, it was true that I lost my right arm from the elbow down. The loss of my limbs took years to rehabilitate not just my body but also my mind. It was blow to my ego that I stopped hunting.
Flashback ––
"It's not right, Garrett," Lily said with anger and disgust. I turned my face towards her sneering back.
"What do you expect me to do, Lily? I'm useless," I reminded her as I pointed my fake right arm to my missing leg. We had been arguing back and forth for months as Katniss took over providing food for us. Lily had been against training and teaching our eldest daughter to hunt. I had only finally agreed if Gale, our neighbor's son accompanied her.
"You're not useless, Garrett," she said. "The loss of your arm and leg doesn't mean you cannot hunt again." I scoffed at her insensitivity to my disability. "I just cannot believe you would…let Katniss endanger herself. For God's sake, she's only a child."
"God damnit, Lily," I shouted back. "Who else is going to provide for us? I'm…do you think I like the idea for Katniss to be hunting. Taking chances to be caught leaving the district so she can feed us? I feel sick to my stomach knowing that my little girl is…doing my job…my job to take care of my family." I felt tears in my eyes. "What kind of man…"
"Garrett?" Lily uttered with sadness etched on her face.
"Look at me," I screamed. "I'm not a man anymore. There is nothing left of me…I'm useless, pathetic excuse of human being who can't even take of his family."
"You're an idiot," Lily hollered back with anger. "You think losing your arm and leg made you less of a man?"
"I should have just died that day," I admitted. I couldn't help myself as years of feeling useless burdened my family. The feelings of guilt and shame was a huge weight on my heart and soul.
Lily gasped in horror. "Don't say that."
"No, I should have died…what use am I now? I have my daughter doing my job, risking her life while her father stays home. All of you would have been better off if I was dead and not––" I didn't finish my sentence when suddenly I saw stars and my check stung.
She slapped me hard on the face that the blow stunned me.
"You hit me?" She had never struck me. I was hurt and angry at her reaction. Here I was falling apart and opening up to her. I hated admitting that I felt less of a man because I was disabled and felt useless for not taking care of my family. Instead of sympathy and understanding, she got angry and struck me.
"You're goddamn right I hit you," she sneered back. I had never seen her so…impatient and insensitive to my feelings. "So you rather be dead than take responsibility? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"I…" I started.
"No, you're going to listen to me," she said. "Do you have any idea how lucky we are? That you survived? Hazelle…Hazelle lost a husband and the father of her children. How do you think Katniss and Prim would feel hearing you talking like that? You're so selfish if you think we would have been better off if you were dead."
"Lily." I reached out to her as her demeanor changed from anger to sadness as tears brimmed her eyes.
"Just because you lost your limbs doesn't mean you can't hunt again."
"I can't even raise the bow, Lily," I admitted. I was left-handed so I raised the bow with my left hand while my right drew the arrow. "With the fake leg, I don't have balance, my equilibrium is off." I spouted my reasons.
"Don't make excuses."
"I'm not making excuses," I sneered back. Why couldn't she see how difficult this was for me?
"You're alive and well with family that loves and adores you despite your disability. I…we would have been devastated if you were…had you died." Lily calmed but her voice revealed the anger she still felt. "You still have use on your left side. Train your right side to pick up the bow. Don't stand there and tell me you're useless." She fisted both her hands and placed them onto her hips. With that pose, she meant business.
I hadn't given much thought to using my left arm to hunt as I was resolved to…wallow in self-pity. She was right to be angry with me as I laid the responsibility of providing for my family onto my daughter's young shoulders. I felt ashamed of myself for allowing her to do that.
"So. What are you doing to do? Garrett?" she asked me. She looked at me straight in the eyes. What I saw was strength, determination and hope in her crystal blue eyes, but most of all I saw adoration and love. It was time I took back my life and my responsibilities not just as a father and husband but most of all as a man.
End of flashback ––
After the mining accident it took years for me to retrain myself using my right arm to hold the bow steady. I was frustrated and impatient when I didn't get the results fast enough so I could help Katniss and Gale. However, as years passed I noticed that Katniss didn't need my help as she was even a better shot than I was. I was so proud of her.
I looked at the young man next to me. He looked so much his father with his looks and his personality as well. "Oh my God, that was a rush," he said with a big nervous smile on his young face. I could tell behind his bravado he was scared and exhilarated at the same time. It was how I felt when I experienced my first kill.
"We're not done yet," I returned. "I saw a large group head towards town." We walked over the dogs we recently killed. We pulled the arrows off their bodies. We couldn't leave them behind as we needed as the arrows to recycle, that and the fact that they were evidence of us owning illegal weapons and our fingers prints were all over them.
"I guess they found their way to the Seam. The town is not their only target."
"Should we stay back and protect the Seam?"
"No, the largest numbers are in town," I informed him. "I think the town is being targeted." I couldn't reveal my suspicions to Gale. I had no evidence to prove it.
"How do you know?"
"I was just there a few minutes ago when I saw a pack of them heading towards the Merchant area," I said. I couldn't believe my eyes when I first caught sight of the feral canines. I was on my way back from my errands as they just missed me.
"There's probably more heading this way so keep your eyes focused and call out if you smell something in the air that's you're not familiar with."
"Smell? What do you mean?" he queried as he adjusted the quiver on his back.
"They are not the usual wild dogs from the forest," I explained. "They are larger, stronger and faster than the ones out there. And, they reek of sulfur and coal."
"Where did they come from if they are not from our forest?" I had struck his curiosity. It made me wonder if I should share my information but thought against it. Gale's temper and irrational behavior as of late made him untrustworthy. As for the dogs, they were engineered mutts designed and created from the Capitol. There was no doubt for their where they came from.
"Come on, Katniss is town with Peeta at the bakery," I announced. Gale cringed his face pinched with discomfort. I didn't care if he reacted in surprise that she was with Peeta. By now I had hoped that he had given up the idea of convincing her that he was the best and proper suitor for my daughter. "I just hope that everyone's okay."
As I guessed, we did encounter a few more heading towards the Seam. As we reached the Merchant town, we heard a group of Merchants screaming inside a building. They were trapped by four large dogs as they used their enormous paws to force open the front door. Gale and I fired killing them. Retrieving the arrows as quickly as possible, we made our way towards the bakery. I prayed to God and any spiritual entity for my daughter Katniss' safety. I hoped that she and Peeta were unharmed.
A few more steps we reached Nate Cartwright's office building. I peered into the window as I noticed that it was empty. I sighed then remembered that it was Saturday and he wouldn't have been to work. "Why are we wasting our time here? I thought you wanted to get to Katniss?"
"Just because you don't have any Merchant friends doesn't mean I don't, Gale," I said in an impatient and exasperated tone. "I happen to care about them." He grumbled something under his breath that I couldn't hear. I ignored him as I slowly walked down the street looking around me my bow ready to fire. There was gunfire and a cacophony of howls resonating the air. I was tempted to investigate the commotion but knowing that the Peacekeepers were better equipped and armed than Gale and me we continued our trek towards the bakery.
Several feet later, Gale downed a large brown feral dog as it headed towards us. The arrow hit him between the eyes. There was another dog crouched on its' hind leg as it reached underneath the sidewalk platform. Its' large paw poked into the dark space as it growled menacingly. I couldn't see anything underneath it but it was obvious that someone was hiding under the walkway.
"Hey," I shouted instinctively without any thought to my safety. The dog was too focused as it ignored me. "Over here," I said as I picked a rock and threw it at him hitting its back. While distracted Gale pointed his bow and fire when it turned to us. It howled in pain as the arrow imbedded into its' neck.
"Good shot, Gale," I complimented him. Once dead, two small children between the age of 8-10 quickly removed themselves from underneath the walkway and ran up the stairs into a building for safety.
Next, the sound of a door slammed opened. I was startled as I aimed my bow towards it. "Garrett, over here," Wayne called out to me as he waved his hand. "Garrett! Come on." He gestured again. I quickly ran over to his store as I followed him inside. Gale reluctantly followed after me.
"Wayne, are you okay?" I inquired. He didn't appear hurt as he disappeared behind his counter and storefront.
"I'm fine, Garrett," he replied as he yelled from the back of his store. Wayne owned supplies for the mine and any implements such as scissors, knives and sharp objects. He was the main source for sharp cutting implements including shovels, picks, ropes and such household cutlery.
"Anything wrong?" I asked wondering why he wanted me here.
"I just thought you wanted this," he expressed as he handed me a leather bound object that was rectangular in shape. "Open it." I peeled back the material to reveal over 30 arrows. "When I saw coming down the street I thought you could use more in case you run out."
"Where did you––" I was stunned.
"Well, Haymitch said I should make more arrows for––" Wayne stopped as he noticed Gale for the first time. "I'm sorry I didn't realize you had someone with you." He stared at Gale for a second. Then he flinched as he turned his eyes back to me. "I'm sorry, Garrett. I didn't mean to give myself away."
"It's too late to hide the fact that you're part of the group of rebels in District 12." I shook my head. Anonymity was necessary to protect the innocent. Even hiding MockingJay's identity was necessary.
"If it's any comfort Mr. ––" Gale started.
"Thank you, Wayne. These are…thank you," I was shocked, stunned and momentarily at a loss for words. I split the arrows between Gale and myself before heading out.
"Oh and one more thing," he started. "I…ugh…I saw your daughter heading out towards the bakery. I didn't see her coming back so…"
"What time was this?" I asked as I tried to mask the fear and anxiety in my tone.
"Before lunch."
I thanked Wayne again and exited his shop. "Come on, Gale. I need to get to the bakery."
Without further ado, I ran towards the Mellark's to find myself being yanked behind a building.
"Mr. Everdeen, hold up. Look," Gale instructed and pointed at large group of Peacekeepers running towards the Justice Building. "What do you think is going on?"
"Who cares? Come on, Gale. This is a perfect time to––" Suddenly I dropped my bow as a high pitch sound pierced my ear drums. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from since I couldn't focus my eyes as my head was ready to explode.
"What…what the hell is that?" Gale scream's accompanied the noise. He had both hands raised covering his ears. The pain in my head was so strong that I didn't answer him. I couldn't as my throat closed up trying to stop myself from screaming. My knees buckled forcing me to the ground. The last thing I remembered was thinking that I hope my family––Katniss, Prim and Lily were not suffering the same pain as I was.
I didn't know how long I was out as I opened my eyes to see the sky above me and felt my quiver digging into my back as I lay on the hard ground. Beside me Gale groaned.
"What happened?" he asked as he sat up propping his hand behind him to steady himself. With no time to waste I stood up fighting the nauseating feeling in my stomach, grabbed my bow and ran all the way to the bakery without stopping. My right leg ached. I had landed on the ground twisting my prosthetic leg under me. But, I couldn't focus on my pain as the only thing that mattered was finding my daughter, Katniss.
I hobbled the rest of the way to the bakery. Yanking the door open, I called out for my daughter. "Katniss, Katniss."
"Katniss," Gale repeated after me as he looked around the bakery. He was about to head towards the kitchen when Rye appeared by the doorway.
"Damnit, I thought I locked the door," he said in frustration as he eyed Gale. "What are fuck are you doing here?" There was anger…no fury behind his cool blue eyes. If there was one Mellark who had a temper it was Rye. Graham, too lacked patience but it was Rye who acted impulsively when angered. He lacked patience unlike his father and younger brother.
"Not that it's any of your business, but I'm…we're looking for Katniss," he quipped back with a sneer on his face. I could tell Rye held his anger back. I was impressed that he did.
"Rye," a soft and low voice filtered into the room as Delly Cartwright appeared at the bottom of the staircase. She wore a man's shirt that dwarfed her slim form her feet bare and her face flushed. I could tell she had been crying.
Gale snickered. "Geez, Mellark. People are dying outside and you're diddling your girlfriend."
"You have a one track mind. Not that it's any of your business, Hawthorne but Delly spilled coffee on her blouse and she was upstairs changing into my shirt. My brother is missing not that you'd care. And even if I was 'diddling' my girl, she is my fiancée not some girl of the week, you asshole. As for Katniss, she is no concern of yours since she isn't your girlfriend." He had smug look on his face as Rye took great pleasure in provoking Gale.
"Where is Katniss?" he asked again. "She better not be up there with your shit-face brother––" Didn't Rye just explained that Peeta was missing. Gale had selective hearing whenever Peeta was concerned. What did he think they were doing upstairs––having an orgy?
"Gale, shut the fuck up," I said. I was furious and impatient with him. "I'm looking for my daughter, Gale. Not you, so shut up." I knew that all the Mellark men were…beyond furious with Gale. He caused so much damage and trauma in Peeta's life even I could never forgive him for his behavior and actions.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Everdeen," he said with a sincere and forlorn look on his face. "It's just that––"
"I don't give a shit about how you feel," I berated him. "I'm here to check on Katniss––my daughter, Peeta's girlfriend and your best friend. I don't have time for this." I turned to Rye. "I'm sorry I had to bring him but…never mind…where is Katniss? I know that she had a date with Peeta. Do have any idea where they went?"
"Mr. Everdeen," Rye interrupted. "I think they headed towards the park for a picnic and they've been gone since then." My world crumbled before me.
"Where's your dad?" I just realized that Jimmy was nowhere in sight.
"My dad went to check up on my brother, Graham because they're not answering his call." Shit. Peeta and Katniss were still out there and had been out there during the attacks. Jimmy had his hands full with Graham.
I ran out of the bakery and flinched as my leg ached with discomfort. "Mr. Everdeen," Gale started as he followed me out of the bakery.
"And Hawthorne, stay the fuck away from my brother Peeta or I swear I'll beat your face that when I'm done with you your own mother won't recognize you," Rye sneered. I heard the click of a lock shut right after Rye slammed the door behind Gale.
"Asshole," Gale returned.
"Go home," I barked at him.
"What? I'm not going back home," he insisted.
"Damnit, Gale," I hollered. "Get your damn priorities straight. Go home and look after your family." I started to head towards the park. "Go!"
"But––" Out of nowhere, a group of Peacekeepers appeared coming from the direction of the Justice Building. Darius was ahead of the group barking out orders I couldn't hear.
"Hide!" I ordered Gale as I quickly handed him my bow and quiver.
"What?" He looked surprised and puzzled at my request. I didn't have time to explain.
"Just take the bow and fucking hide, damnit." I said underneath my breath. He ran between two buildings and disappeared just as Darius approached me and stopped while the rest of the Peacekeepers scattered to different directions.
"Mr. Everdeen, what are you doing out here?" he asked.
"I'm looking for my daughter Katniss and her boyfriend Peeta," I explained as I tried to calm my breathing.
"That's not a very good idea right now. I've ordered my men to search the town and make sure that people are to remain indoors until further notice."
"Darius, my daughter is missing. I wasn't about to just stay home and not look for her, "I informed him. "I have to find her." I pleaded my case hoping that he wouldn't deter me and at the same time hoped that Gale wasn't discovered with our bows and arrows.
"I understand but you need to know that there's still one feral dog out there roaming at the edge of town. I had hope that they all left but one of men reported that they spotted one still lurking around." I sighed.
"Darius, please let me look for my daughter. She's out there with Peeta. They could be hurt or in trouble," I didn't care that I was unarmed. I just want to find them so I can bring them home.
Darius looked around him. He reached down to his waist and palmed his holster. I froze at my spot. "Here, at least carry this with you," he said as he handed his firearm to me. "You need to protect yourself since I'm letting you go and look for your daughter."
I released the breath I didn't even realize I was holding. "Thank you, Darius."
"Just make sure that when you find her, go straight home, understand?" I nodded my head. He left me in the middle of the street as I turned and ran towards the park. Once there, I found the area empty. "Where the hell are you, Katniss?" I muttered to myself. I was distracted and focused that I didn't see the small wild dog ten yards away from me. His small soft growl startled me catching my attention.
"Oh, you're just a puppy," I said feeling stupid realizing that it didn't understand me. It was a size of a household cat barely 10 lbs. in weight. He bared his sharp canines blood dripping from his mouth. I realized why there was a still one straggling dog roaming the town while the rest of the pack returned to the forest. She was looking for her puppy who unfortunately found me instead. "Hey, boy. Are you looking for your mommy?" It took a tentative step towards me. "Hey, now. You're just a puppy and even if you are still a baby I won't hesitate to use this." I gesture to the gun in my hand. "You're so damn cute and lethal so…"
It started to walk to towards with his head down and teeth bared. As a hunter, it was rule never kill baby wildlife until they reach maturity. It was an abomination against nature as each living had the right to thrive in its' habitat until adulthood. However, when endangered I would break that rule to survive. I looked at the pup closely. It was…unusual and different from the wild dogs that roamed beyond the fence. It had an unnatural look about it. Sensing my hesitation and fear, I pulled the trigger before letting it get an upper hand. I fire a shot a few inches away from its' feet.
The dog yelped and jumped off the ground. I fired again scattering my shots left to right hoping to scare it off. It worked as it ran into the copse of trees behind him. I sighed in relief and waited as my chest heaved from excitement and anxiety.
Thinking that I was out of the woods I turned to walk back into to town when suddenly encountered 'mom.' She was large and looked very angry. I guess it didn't appreciate how I treated her baby. "Oh, shit," I responded as it growled menacingly at me. Like watching a video in slow motion it charged towards me. "Fuck."
I aimed and fired my gun hitting the animal on its' head, shoulders and chest. It still charged towards me without reacting from my shots. Suddenly images of my life flashed before me––falling in love with Lily, making love for the first time, our toasting and the birth the birth of our daughters were the images that were forever burned into my memories. I waited for my fate as the dog leapt into the air with its' large mouth wide open.
I raised my arm to defend myself. It landed right on top of me impacting my body on the ground as I felt its' weight crush my chest. I waited for pain or darkness to greet me.
"Garrett, Garrett," Darius' voice permeated my foggy mind. "Garrett!"
I grunted in pain realizing that the dog's body covered me from head to knees. Why didn't I feel any pain from the bite? I had expected it as it wrapped its' strong jaw around my right arm. My right arm? It had bitten my fake arm. Suddenly the whole world righted itself as Darius pulled the carcass off me. "Shit, Garrett," he said with panic and relief in his tone. "Are you hurt?" He looked at my arm. "I started firing at him…God…I didn't hit you, did I?"
I sat up rubbing my right upper arm when I noticed that the dog had bitten my fake arm bending the prosthesis in the middle of the forearm. "I'm not hurt," I assured him.
"Fuck, Garrett," he huffed in relief. "I was just literally walking into the park when I saw it going after you. I just…reacted and started firing."
"You did good, kid," I praised him. "You saved my life."
"I was tracking it hoping to find it. I'm just glad that I did."
"Me, too." I stood up on my wobbly legs. "I don't know how I'm going to explain to Lily how I broke my fake arm." I started to laugh. "She's not going to believe me." My disability saved me. All this time I felt sorry for myself for feeling less of a man for not being whole with my arm and leg intact. Lily was right after months of retraining my left side I could still hunt if today had proven otherwise. I wasn't useless––no more hiding behind the shadows.
"Are you sure you're not hurt?" Darius inquired.
"I'm fine. Momentarily stunned, I ache all over and scared shitless but otherwise, I'm great, actually," I said with a big smile on my face. Who would have thought that being attacked by feral wild dogs would revitalize my outlook and perspective?
"If it's okay with you, I would like to help you look for your daughter," he stated. I wondered if he had an ulterior motive?
"Don't you have Peacekeeper duties to attend to," I asked. I could use his help but…I was suspicious after all he was still a Peacekeeper even if he did just saved my life.
"You're probably right," he lamented.
"I mean, you need to investigate why and where these dogs came from," I said. "It's been decades since a large pack of wild dogs have attacked 12 and never in this number."
"I should probably do a population count, see who's dead or missing," he counted the duties in his mind. He flinched. "Oh shit. I have to report to President Snow later. Let him know what's going on." I mentally scoffed at his remark. He was behind all this. He suddenly turned the fence off and he removed half his Peacekeeper and we get attacked by a large number of wild dogs. This was not a coincidence.
Darius walked me back into town. The sunset was setting and it was getting dark. 'Where are you, Katniss?' my mind chanted over and over. As we reached the town you could hear the sounds of wailing and screams of sorrow, pain and anguish. I didn't know many lives were lost during the attacks but it was evident that there was many. My mind raced as I looked around me. Snow left District 12 vulnerable to the dog attacks. One that cost innocents lives as a statement. Instead of cowering from his wrath like he expected, it made me angry. He had hoped to extinguish the fire that was simmering in District 12. His goal actually did the opposite.
It was time that we fought back and declared war against Snow and the Capitol. I just hoped that we didn't sacrifice Katniss and Peeta's life in exchange for Panem's freedom.
Katniss POV ––
I ran out from our shelter. 'Peeta, Peeta,' my called mind out his name praying that the Peacekeepers didn't find him. 'Please be okay.' I searched the ground looking for his footprints. I couldn't find any. My heart raced beating so fast against my chest. I knew that I was short and abrupt with him but was he so angry with me that he left without telling me, making me worry?
I turned my head left and right searching for his blond hair amongst the green foliage. I shouldn't have left alone. I shouldn't have scolded him when he wanted to accompany me. All he wanted was to protect me and stick together. I was just tired, hungry and scared of our plight that I took my frustration out on him. 'I swear on my soul that when I find him, I will be patient, understanding and listen to him.' I sighed. Acting like a concerned pretend girlfriend was hard work. What am I saying? In everyone's eyes I am his girlfriend even if he didn't know it.
'Just spit it out and tell him that you want your relationship to be real, Katniss.'
Suddenly I stopped as I heard voices. There were male. I crept towards the sound and hid behind a large tree. Beyond the tree were four Peacekeepers. They looked the same wearing the same gear and attire. However, the only difference I noticed was that their rifles were larger, heavier and a scope emitted a red light from the tip as if they were hunting for larger game.
"Are you sure the dogs are gone?" whiny Peacekeeper asked. He looked around gripping his rifle between his hands.
"For fucks sake, Pettigrew," another angry Peacekeeper spat. He was stocky and taller than the other three Peacekeepers who accompanied him. "I just said that they have been contained. Shut the whining and keep looking for our objectives."
"I don't understand what's so important that we had to leave the district and follow two teenagers who crossed the fence. They're probably out here to go and make out or something," the other returned in a frustrated tone.
"When the boss tells you to do something, you do it and don't ask questions, fuckface," stocky Peacekeeper explained. I gasped as I realized that they were out here looking for us. "You should be glad we're out here instead of back in 12."
"I know, I know," whiny Peacekeeper stated. "It's just I'm hungry and thirsty. We've been out here for hours looking for them. For all we know they're already back at 12."
"Shut up and grow a pair," frustrated Peacekeeper spoke out. "You've been complaining since we crossed the fence.
"You want to come over here and make me?" whiny Peacekeeper challenged him.
"Shut up, all of you. " Stocky Peacekeeper reached over to his microphone. "This is Alpha patrol 1 leader reporting, we still haven't found Mellark and Everdeen, sir. It's getting dark. What is your order?"
"Return to the district," a voice crackled from the speaker. "They have to come back sooner or later. We'll station guards at the fence. It'll be back on once you return. Get back before Darius realizes your missing."
I crept backwards from where I came hoping that they wouldn't find me. 'Peeta, where are you?' I closed my eyes and focused. 'At least the Peacekeepers didn't find him.' "I swear to anyone out there listening to me, I will tell him everything. Everything I didn't have the courage to say. Just please let me find him," I said as I spoke to no one in particular.
'Don't make promises you can't keep,' I added to myself. A flash of yellow caught my attention. It reminded of that morning a few weeks ago when I was out hunting before all this happened. It was a déjà vu.
I fast walked towards it, whatever or whoever it was. I gasped. Peeta was crouched over a familiar bushy plant gathering berries in his stained hands. I stopped breathing when I realized what was gathering. "Peeta, Peeta stop," I cried. He turned just in time for me to strike his hand hard causing the berries to fall onto the ground. He looked stunned and hurt by my actions.
"What?"
"That's nightlock, Peeta," I screamed. I grabbed his face and stared at his lips looking for evidence of the berries he might have consumed. "Please tell me that you didn't eat any?"
"I didn't," he said as he dug his hands into pockets. "I know better than to eat something I don't know about, Katniss. I'm not stupid." Great, not only have I rejected and scolded him for trying to protect me, I had inadvertently made him feel inadequate like he's some idiot. My heart lurched at the sight of him, shirtless, grime and blood smeared on his shoulder. His hair was a mess and I completely adored him on sight.
"I'm not saying that you are––" He turned his head avoiding my eyes as I detected vexation in his demeanor. "It's just…that's nightlock. If you eat one berry you'd be dead in a minute." I wrapped my arms around him. "You scared me to death." The thought of him dead paralyzed and horrified me. A world without Peeta, it was unimaginable. He stiffened in my embrace.
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me." I closed my eyes as I relished the feel of his chest against my own.
"It's okay, Katniss." He tentatively placed one arm around my waist. "There's nothing to forgive––" He sighed.
"No, there is. For earlier when you wanted to come with me to hunt for food," I explained. "I turned you down and I was…mean about it."
"It's all right."
"No, it isn't." I pulled back from our embrace and looked at his face. I could hardly see the tint of his eyes as the sun faded into the horizon. Visibility was minimal as shadows appeared around us. "Let's go back to the shelter. It's getting dark. We need to take cover because it'll get cold fast. And I saw a group of Peacekeepers looking for us."
"What? Where?" he said in a frightful tone.
"No time to explain. We need to get back. I'll explain when we get there."
I grabbed his trembling hand into mine relishing the feel of his warm skin. Our pace was slow as he hobbled back to the tree. "I was so scared when I came back? I thought I lost you. Don't do that again."
"I didn't mean to scare you."
"Why did you leave?" I was prepared for tell me that he was angry and pissed for making him stay behind. His ego had been shattered and bruised by his own mother, I didn't want to add me to the list of people who continued disappoint him.
"I..I.." he started. I turned to look at his face as I realized that he was struggling with his words.
"I know you're mad at me," I concluded.
"I was for awhile but…"
"But…what? If you're not mad then what? Why did you leave?" I asked again.
"I needed to use the bathroom."
"Oh," I said. "You couldn't wait until I came back?" Then something dawned on me. "Hey, I thought you're ankle was too swollen for you to walk on."
"I removed the plants you put on my shoulder and wrapped them around my ankle," he pointed to his foot. Inside his shoe I could see the plant staining his sock. I should have thought of that.
We reached the tree just as the sun disappeared cloaking us in darkness. Once inside Peeta grunted as he landed on his backside alleviating the weight on his ankle. "Why don't' you relax while I fix us dinner?"
"You don't need any help?" he asked. I could tell he was waiting for me to scold or berate him again for asking to help me.
"No, Peeta." I smiled and reached out to grab his hand. "You brought lunch. It's my turn to make dinner for us." He acquiesced and sat back to relax.
While I skinned the rabbit I found I told Peeta everything I saw and heard.
"So they were looking for us. They know that we're out here?" Peeta surmised.
"Well, he said Mellark and Everdeen so unless they were talking about Rye and Prim."
"Shit, we're in so much trouble," Peeta shook his head in disbelief. "God, I hope that dad and my brothers are okay."
"Why shouldn't they be?" It was odd that he was concerned about them when it was us out here breaking the law by crossing the fence.
"President Snow threatened me, Katniss. It doesn't mean that my family won't suffer the consequences for my actions. Crossing the fence is an act of defiance. I mess up, they'll be the ones to pay for it." He was right. That also meant that my family would suffer for my illegal activity as well. He started to get up. "We should get back––"
"Didn't I just tell you that they turned the fence back on? We need to stay here not out in the open for other wild animals to prey on us." I was scared for my family, this was true, but there wasn't anything we could do for now but protect and take care of each other. "We'll leave once it's daylight, okay. I promise. We'll figure out a way to get back."
"How––"
"Peeta, please relax. We'll think of something." He relented and sat back. I didn't want to argue with him. I was just relieved that he wasn't hurt or captured by the Peacekeepers.
With a slow emitting fire, I cooked our dinner in no time. Throughout the meal preparation, I caught Peeta stairing at me. He'd turned his eyes or his head whenever I looked back at him. This went on for while until dinner was cooked. The air between us was awkward as I found myself speechless again. I knew that before the night was over I needed to…find the courage and say the words I longed to tell him of my growing feelings for him.
After dinner, I buried our scraps to prevent predators from finding us. As I expected the air turned cold. Peeta who had been shirtless all night shivered so I draped the blanket over his shoulders.
"What about you?" he asked. I didn't think I had the right to ask him for comfort after I had hurt his feelings earlier.
"I'm fine," I said as I tried to convince him but flinched as I trembled right in front of him. He knew I was lying he could tell as the air dropped in temperature and I shivered uncontrollably.
"Don't be stubborn, Katniss," he said his brows furrowed with concern. "We can share the blanket. I promise I won't do anything to make you uncomfortable." I cringed. In my belief that I didn't deserve his forgiveness after the way I treated him earlier, I had yet again insulted him by implying that I didn't want or need his comfort––that I didn't trust him to not take advantage of me. When am I ever going to stop reading him wrong and make the wrong decision?
He was supposed to be my boyfriend and even if it was pretend in his mind, he wasn't in mine. This was an opportunity to cuddle and get close to him. The situation wasn't ideal––he was injured with shallow claw marks on his shoulder and a swollen ankle. He was filthy and smelled of dirt, sweat and leaves. The boy in front of me wasn't the same boy from the bakery that I had a picnic with in our meadow. Who I saw before me was a young man, strong, resilient and brave. I could easily fall in love him…I could be in love with him now.
I took a deep breath to…
He lay on his back and opened his arm to invite me to lie on his uninjured shoulder. Without any hesitation, I dove in and settled my head on his solid, cool chest. I sighed as I placed hand on top of his breastbone. His chest hairs tickled my palm. I had to fight the urge to run my hand down to his stomach and back up to his chest. Sensations new to me temporarily distracted my mind from saying what I needed to say to him. It was now or never.
"Peeta?"
"Hmm?" he returned. He took a deep breath causing his chest to move up and down.
"I'm really sorry," I started.
"Like I said, Katniss. There's nothing to be sorry about," he said his voice low and soft. I sat up needing to look him in the eye. "We're both tired and wanting to go home––."
"No, that's not why I'm apologizing," I said. "I mean I'm sorry about that too since…you were only trying to help, but instead of saying that…I didn't want to come with me because you were hurt and I wanted you to rest. I wanted to take care of you, but instead I sounded impatient and ungrateful." My throat tightened and sweat gathered on my forehead despite the cold temperature.
He looked confused and tired. 'Stop wasting precious time,' my mind berated me. 'You got him back in one piece and you promised to talk to him.'
So here goes… "I'm sorry…because…you've been nothing but kind and nice to me. I was wrong to be cruel and mean to you when we first met." I cringed when I recalled our meeting behind the bakery with Prim. My stomach churned recalling the cruel words I said to him. I was a bitch to him without any excuse to back up my behavior. Even Prim knew it and scolded me for treating him cruelly. I'm ashamed to think about it now.
"Katniss," he sighed.
"Please don't interrupt me…I've been wanting to talk to you for so long but I chickened out each time. I should have…been honest with you since you returned home after the incident with Cray."
"I don't want to remember or talk about that time," he said. 'It's done and over with. The past is past, Katniss. There is nothing we can do to undo it." His eyes glazed over as if he saw images of that time in his mind. I noticed his hands were clenched and trembling. Watching him relive those moments broke my heart for him.
I turned around lacking the courage to face him. "Please hear me out and let me say what I need to say." All I needed now was another interruption to prolong a conversation we should have had weeks ago. It was long overdue.
"Okay."
"Prim always tells me that I'm the strongest and bravest person she has ever met."
"You are ––" I turned around and glared at him for interrupting me. "Sorry, you may continue," he said as he zipped his mouth with his fingers.
"As I was saying, Prim admires me for being courageous and strong when in reality I'm not. There are a lot of things that scare me, I just don't talk about it." Peeta tapped my hand. "What?"
"Can I ask you something?" I scowled at him. "You said I shouldn't interrupt and I didn't want to get in trouble with you, but at least I asked."
"Peeta!"
"I know, I know. I just interrupted you," he chortled.
He was stubborn and cute that I couldn't deny him. "Well, go ahead and ask since you did interrupt me."
"What kind of things scares you?" I gulped. I never told Prim my fears. They were mine to bear alone. Could I share them with Peeta without feeling vulnerable and weak? I hesitated so long that Peeta took my silence as an answer. "Never mind, I shouldn't have asked." He looked hurt. There I go again hurting him even unintentionally. "It was stupid of me to ask. That was too private and personal."
"I never told anyone my fears––the things that scares me because they are private and personal, but…I trust you." I did. If there was on person I could trust beside Prim and my parents, it was Peeta.
So I took the deepest and painful plunge and bared my soul. "You. You scare me," I admitted. Peeta looked horrified and hurt as if I struck him.
"Katniss," he said my name with disbelief. "I…I would never hurt you, ever."
"No, I'm mean not that way. Not physically hurt me." I explained as I tried to backtrack my words. "That's not what I meant." This was why I avoided relationships. I sucked at it.
"There's no other way I perceived what you said. You're scared of me." He looked sick to his stomach as I also noticed tears brimming his eyes.
"I'm not scared that you would hurt me like that." He whimpered in pain or…something else. The more I talked the more I made matters worse as he closed his eyes and laid his arm over them.
"I've made assumptions about you. I passed judgment based on things that I was clearly wrong to assume about you without really knowing you." I was babbling but I pressed on. "If I'm not making sense it's because…I have never met anyone who has distracted and intrigued me at the same time. You confused me like your confusing me now. I'm not good with people or making friends let alone know how to act with someone of the opposite sex." I took a deep breath.
"It was wrong of me to dislike you because you were Merchant. It's stupid because I'm half Merchant from my mom's side. I shouldn't have disliked you because you have blond hair and blue eyes. Prim could pass as your sister based on that." I was on a roll. "It shouldn't piss me off that as a Merchant you're not like the rest of them––entitled, smug and thinking you were better than us. You're not like them. You're sweet and nice to everyone––Seam and Merchant. You don't see the color of our skin or hair and eyes."
I looked at him. He was quiet and still as he lay before me. The blanket dropped down to his belly. I noticed a faint hairline disappearing into his pants. Oh God, I had to stop looking at him…I mean his stomach.
"Prim––everyone keeps telling me how you had a crush on me since you were five."
"Oh God," he said as he winced in embarrassment.
"No, don't be embarrassed. I think it's sweet," I told him. He snorted and shook his head underneath this arm. "And the most incredible thing is that you still had a crush on me even now. Now when I've hurt and rejected your friendship from the start."
"It's mostly what I wanted was to be friends with you," he confessed as he spoke from under his arm.
"And I'm glad that we're friends now." I smiled at him and hovered over him. "But I was wondering…"
His brows lifted to his forehead as he removed his arm from his eyes. "I was wondering if we could be…more?" He stared back blinking his eyes his lips in a straight line. This wasn't the reaction I was hoping for. "I mean, I've been pretending to be your girlfriend for weeks now. Everyone in the district thinks I'm really your girlfriend. Even your mother who keeps on insisting in marry you off to Agatha Berridge believes I'm your girl. For real."
He remained quiet. I wasn't encouraged by his silence. As a matter of fact, my heart plunged into despair. "Peeta, say something," I pleaded.
"But we are pretending," he finally stated. "We're pretending because of Cray…you told everyone that I was your boyfriend to protect me." I cringed. "We wouldn't be 'together' for real, Katniss. I know you don't…see me that way."
"I know that how it started…I did it to protect you, but…I realized I wouldn't have said it if…if in the back of mind I wanted it to be true––that I do care about you."
"What are you trying to say, Katniss?" he said in an exasperated tone. I too was frustrated since I couldn't, even now…I couldn't tell him what I really wanted. 'God damnit, Katniss grow up and tell him what you want before it's too late.'
I took his fisted hand into my mine forcing his hand open to interlock his fingers with mine. "Peeta, I…I want to be your girlfriend for real." Something in me felt as if the world on my shoulders lifted. I never realized that my confession relieved the burden in my heart. My confession was…uplifting and freeing. As for Peeta, I was unprepared for his reaction.
"Why? Why now?" He didn't look like how I expected to react.
"What do you mean why now?" I was perplexed and stunned by his question.
"After all this time, why now? Why now when I'm broken, beaten and have nothing to offer you?"
"Peeta, you have a lot to offer––" I interjected.
"Why now, when I was ready to…" He sat up and covered his eyes with his hands. "Why now, Katniss? Is this because you feel sorry for me? I don't need your pity. Whatever debt you think you owe me for saving your life…I don't need you to pay me back. We're even now. No debts to pay to each other."
"No, that's not the reason why I want to be your girlfriend because I feel sorry for you," I said in a panicked tone. "I don't think like that anymore."
"You didn't even like me––"
"And I explained why I didn't," I interrupted him. There was no way I was letting him go now that I told him what I wanted. "And since then I've gotten to know you better. You're more than I ever imagined for a boyfriend."
"Yeah, I'm a prize," he said in a self-deprecating manner.
"Stop talking about yourself like that," I told him. "Peeta, you are the sweetest, kindest and gentlest person I have ever known. You're heart is bigger than anyone. How can I not want you? I mean half the girls in District 12 want you." I flinched at that admission as I recalled all the girls that visited him when he was recovering. I waited for him to feel smug and cocky about it. I mean I wasn't lying about the girls that wanted him. He had every right to be egotistical about it. I knew Gale thrived and gloated over his popularity with the girls who flirted with him. He didn't, not Peeta.
"You were all I ever wanted," he said so low I almost didn't hear it.
"You have me, Peeta," I admitted. He turned his head. The fire was low and emitted enough light for me to see his profile. "Peeta?"
"I don't know what to believe." I sighed. Realizing that I had hurt him and had damaged his belief that I wanted him, it was up to me to convince him that what I said was true and real. That I wanted a relationship not because I felt sorry for him or pitied him.
"Listen, I realize that this is happening fast for you," I said. "I mean, I had weeks to get used to the idea of being boyfriend and girlfriend while you were recuperating. So you need to catch up. So…"
He turned his head towards me. I saw his blue eyes, wary and uncertain on my intentions, but I was determined and resilient to prove to him that I wanted him for real. "I was thinking we could date for a while. While you get used to the idea of us being in a real relationship. I mean we did skip that part. The dating part. I feel like I got gypped on the good stuff."
He smiled––it wasn't a happy smile but a sad one. "So what do you think?" I held my breath and waited for his answer. 'Please say yes, please forgive me and give me a chance,' I chanted in my head.
"What about Gale?" His question stunned me.
"What about him?" He was a non-issue to me. Why was he bringing him up?
"I thought…everyone in school says that he was boyfriend."
"Peeta, how can he be my boyfriend when he's practically with a different girl every week?" What did he take me for? Eww…
"I just thought that you loved him so much that…"
"That what?"
"He broke your heart and did…couldn't get over him." What the fuck! Eww…eww…eww…eww. Heart broken over Gale? How disturbing and so like Peeta to believe I was suffering from broken heart over a man who assumed that were suited for each other for the wrong reasons––companionship, sex and family that was what Gale based his reason for marriage. I believed that Gale loved me, but as a mate who got along together because of our situation and similarities. Not based on love like my parents. I realized I wanted what they have––passion, desire and love.
"Peeta, please believe me when I tell you that I had never felt that way for Gale or anyone for that matte," I confessed. "He didn't break my heart, ever. He was never than just a brother to me."
Even after my admission, he still didn't look convinced. "I was always mad at him for what I thought…that he broke your heart. And I just couldn't understand why he chose those girls over you." What he said warmed my heart. He was resistant and wary of my intentions but I prayed that he would give me a chance.
I squeezed his hand enjoying the feel of touch calming me. "I want this, Peeta. I want you." There I said it. "And I'll wait. I know that you don't believe me. So I'm going to keep trying to convince you until you believe me. I want you not because I feel pity or feel obligated for saving me from Ivan. I…just want you. Will you allow it?"
He debated for a few minutes. I waited for him to answer me. If he chose to reject me, I would find a way to convince him to give me another chance. I want him and I'm going to get him even if it took years for to get him.
"I'll allow it."
My heart soared and my head buzzed with excitement and joy. "So you'll allow us to…date? And give me a chance?"
"For as long as time will allow." Huh, I didn't understand what he meant but I wasn't about to let it deter me from convincing him that I wanted him for real.
"Come on, I'm tired and we need get up early," he said with a yawn. He laid back and I situated my head on my spot––on his chest with my hand on top of his heart.
'Thank you, thank you,' my head repeated. Things looked promising. Of course, we still had to figure out how to get back inside the fence, but this was enough. He was giving me the chance I know I didn't deserve. Like I said, he had the biggest and kindest heart I have ever known.
For the first time in weeks I felt happy. I certainly could get used to sleeping with Peeta as in lying here together without the sex part. I wasn't ready for that yet. I shook my head. 'One thing at a time,' I reminded myself.
Since this was our first date, I wondered if he would kiss me. With that thought in mind, I closed my eyes and dreamt of other dinner dates, and picnics things I denied myself. But since Peeta acknowledged that he's my boyfriend now, I looked forward to them.
AN: Thanks for reading this chapter and for your patience, I know that it took a while to get to this point. However, just because they have, it doesn't mean that it's going to be smooth sailing for them. It's Peeta and Katniss, what else did you expect? They have many personal obstacles to overcome especially for Peeta. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Leave a review at your leisure.
Have a great rest of the week. Happy 4th of July. Stay safe.