Destiny - Heart of a Baker, Soul of a Hunter

by SalaciousNothings

Peeta Mellark, the baker's son saved Katniss Everdeen's life at the age of eleven when he threw the burnt bread one rainy day. She never thanked him let alone acknowledged his existence. She hated owing him but knew there would come a day when she would repay him. Little did she realize that her life was bound to his forever. It was inevitable. AU HG, OOC Everlark

24. Chapter 24 - Love is Patient

Chapter 24 – Love is Patient, Love is Kind

AN: My apologies for posting this really late. Busy with work and the next thing I knew it's Labor Weekend. I really appreciate your patience. Thanks to those who posted a review, favored and alerted 'Destiny.' I want to extend thanks to CrazyCaz, MaidenALice, brandie2007, IcyPinkLemonade, mar071, Cassie Sharpie, jroseley, Mspriss523, pumpkinking5, J, Nai1987, Craftydiva, kim4trisntobias4ever, DramionEverlarklover26, pistonsfan75, and guest. To guest, whoever you are I'm glad that you are enjoying 'Destiny.' I'll do my best to update sooner. This chapter will have Snow and Katniss' POVs and is rated R for strong language. I don't own Hunger Games as all major characters belongs to Suzanne Collins. On with the show…

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Cornelius Snow POV ––

"Grandpa, you promised," Amelia Snow whined. My 12 year-old granddaughter had her hands on her hips. I spoiled her as I knew I would since the day she was born. "You sent Peeta away. You promised that he would be a guest for dinner. I…wanted to talk to him." She was a beautiful child with long blond hair and green eyes. She was named after my wife who had longed passed years ago. She even had her fighting and stubborn spirit.

"I know, sweetheart," I tried to soothe her. I loved my only granddaughter. My grandson, Atticus was three months old. He was the heart of me as Amelia was the apple of my eye.

"I'm sorry, Amelia but Peeta wanted to go home," I reasoned with her. "You saw the interview with Mr. Flickerman. He was homesick for his family. You didn't want Peeta to be sad, did you?"

Amelia pouted then bit her lower lip. A gesture I knew she was conflicted. She wanted to meet Peeta but didn't want him to stay if he was sad because he missed his family. Amelia had a gentle heart and I had promised her that she would meet him. I cursed that boy and Haymitch. They both thwarted my plans to keep him at the Capitol as 'my guest.' I would have kept him here for as long I needed him.

"No, I didn't want him to be sad but…I love Peeta," she swooned like a typical preteen Capitolite. He was a sensation and popular with her age group. 'Dear God, not you too. What was it about this boy that drew people to him?' I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. "He's so…brave and strong. I…all my friends knew he was here in the Capitol as your guest. I wanted to tell all my classmates that I met him...that he came over and had dinner with us. All the girls in my school would have been so jealous." She ranted for a few seconds of which I tuned her out as she babbled about him.

"Now, Amelia," I interrupted. "You know that I would do anything for you. But keeping Peeta away from his family would be wrong."

"But you promised," she whined. "Couldn't you have kept him here until I…met him and then he could have gone home." I would have done that but before I could anything about it both Haymitch and Peeta left the city. There was nothing I could do to appease her but send her to her room to sulk.

An hour later one of my advisors Plutarch Heavensbee and I met for our daily meeting. "I was able to secure another drone in District 12. The engineers ensured me that this one is hack proof. If the software is being tampered in any way we will be notified," he informed me. I sat there quiet for a few seconds. "You know you did the right thing."

"I'm not so sure," I scoffed back. Heavensbee convinced me to release Peeta. I didn't care if he was homesick. I couldn't let the MockingJay use him again as I had him right where I wanted him––in my clutches to do as pleased.

"It would have been ill advised to keep him here," he continued. "As much as the Capitolites adored him and all the trappings you used to keep him here, if he wanted to go home he should be allowed to go home."

"I would have found a way."

"Did you see him, how he looked? Everyone was whispering about his appearance. Peeta wasn't happy here and it showed. And as much as the populace adored him, they would had protested." I knew he was right. I was keeping Peeta here as my guest but it showed that he was under duress. And Abernathy knew it. I under estimated Haymitch and his ability to undermine me.

His true colors revealed not as the useless drunk he pretended to be. He was a worthy adversary that disguised himself behind the alcohol and indifference. I had to keep an eye on him.

"He was right, you know," he interrupted my train of thought. "You can't reap Peeta now. The timing would have been suspect. That and the fact Panem loves him. Look at his popularity rating." He handed me a datapad. On the screen was a survey of the popularity ranking of every victor, celebrity and high profile citizen of Panem. Peeta was in the top five behind Gloss and Finnick. I couldn't touch him. "He's not even a victor or celebrity and people adore him."

The news infuriated me. "If you want to punish him, you know there are other ways." I thought long and hard of ways to punish him. Reaping his brother Rye was one of them. Then I was informed that he was past reaping age. Who else could I reap?

I recalled the interview back in 12. I lost patience waiting for him to find the identity of the MockingJay. Hence the visit to District 12 was unplanned but necessary.

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Flashback ––

I smiled as Peeta's face expressed the fear he felt when the nurse appeared with the tray. He knew what was in stored for him. What he didn't' realize was that not only was it a truth serum I had him inject with a tracking devise as well.

No one would know it was there on his upper right left arm. It was the same tracking system I injected on all my tributes and my Victors. I knew where every single one of were located at any given time and place. I owned them and they knew it. Now, Peeta Mellark was mine as well.

"So Mr. Mellark, alone at last," I said once he was injected and the nurse left the room. "How are you feeling?"

He shrugged his shoulders. I frowned. His reaction surprised me as the serum was engineered for any subject to 'sing like a bird.' They couldn't resist the serum's affects. "Is there anything you want to tell me?" Peeta's head dropped his arms on the table with his fingers knitted together. "Peeta? Don't resist it. You are going to tell me everything I need to know." He shook his head. That's when I noticed that he was clenching his teeth together. "You'll only hurt yourself if you keep resisting." He grunted. I waited a few more seconds. "Did you find out the identity of the MockingJay?"

He shook his shoulders and closed his eyes. "Peeta. Tell me what I want to know."

"I don't know anything," he said between clenched teeth. He opened his teary eyes. They were bloodshot from sleep deprivation and exhaustion. I purposely kept the room they were in cold. His face was drawn, I knew that look; they were on every prisoner I have interrogated. "I'm…I'm not going to get anyone killed."

"No one will get hurt as long as you cooperate with me."

"You've already killed my brother Graham and his wife. You might as well kill me."

"No Mr. Mellark I'm not gonna kill you. I'm just gonna hurt you by killing every one you've ever loved," I retorted.

He kept resisting and I didn't know how. Then I saw a trickle of blood seeped from his mouth. He was biting his tongue. I had to admired him for his resilience but I was going to break him one way or another.

I looked at the camera in the room and spoke directly to it. "I need a mouth guard and more dosage of serum now," I commanded.

"No, please don't," Peeta pleaded. I ignored his plea. The nurse arrived with two guards.

"He's biting his tongue," I told her. Peeta resisted as he struggled at first with the two guards. He was strong but a punch to his stomach caused him to gasp through his mouth. The nurse placed the mouth guard preventing him from biting his tongue. "Ten more cc's of the serum will do the trick." She injected him again.

As Peeta's breath calmed, tears trickled down his face. "Now tell me, who is the MockingJay? Who else is part of the rebellion? I want names now?"

"I don't know. I don't know," he repeated. I knew he was telling the truth because the serum was that effective and he had been injected twice the dosage. It was dangerous but it was necessary. I was sick and tired of being undermined by a sixteen year-old boy.

"Then tell me who do you suspect is involved?"

"I have no definite proof who is involved, sir." His eyes were glazed. "No one tells me anything."

I sighed in frustration. "Okay, I believe you. At least tell me who do you think is involved with the rebels."

"Honestly, I can only think of two people."

"Who are they?" I demanded.

"Haymitch Abernathy and Gale Hawthorne," he stated. Gale Hawthorne? I didn't know who was this person.

I turned to my guard. "Get me information of this Gale Hawthorne." The peacekeeper left the room.

"I can tell you who he is," Peeta spoke. I could ask him anything and Peeta would talk for as long as the serum was in his system. "Gale Hawthorne is Seam. He's the oldest of four children. Their mother is Hazelle Hawthorne. His father died in mining accidents when he was––"

"I don't need to know all that now, Peeta. Why would you suspect that he's involved with the rebellion?"

"He hated the Capitol. He spoke about his bitterness and hatred to anyone who listened to him. He was always talking about wanting to join the rebellion." That wasn't anything new I wanted to hear. Nearly half of Panem hated the Capitol. It was not news to me.

"But why do you think he's involved with the rebellion?"

"I don't know if he is I just think that if he had been given the choice he would have joined them."

"What do you mean he would have joined them?" He was talking past tense.

"Because he's dead. He died during the dog attack." Peeta laid his head on the table and whispered. "All my fault. All the people who died that day is all my fault. My brother is dead and Tyler's not going to ever see his dad because of me. I have blood on my hands…" He ranted to himself as he felt guilty for the lives lost during the dog attack.

Gale Hawthorne. I had glimpsed at the list of casualties and death as the name barely registered to me. This information was useless. I stared at the young man before me.

I had attacked District 12 not because of Peeta but because I needed to send a message to the rebels and the MockingJay. Peeta wasn't the catalyst but he was the spark for my decision. The rebels used Peeta so I in turned used him as well.

The MockingJay had an interest in him. Amongst all the events and circumstances that were happening in the districts, the MockingJay focused on Peeta and I needed to know why. Why Peeta Mellark? There had to be a reason why he used him. So I followed my hunch when I saw the footage of a young man whipped by one of my own Head Peacekeepers. It didn't take long to find out who and which district he came from. I had personally assigned Cray to District 12. I knew every Head Peacekeeper in my districts.

Unfortunately, my tactic and curiosity backfired. When I focused my attention to Peeta, it catapulted him to a status that surprised even me. The MockingJay saw it as an opportunity to incite Panem for the injustice Peeta endured. I should have known that the Capitolites would fall for Peeta, they loved an underdog. Now Peeta's popularity rose to a level even I couldn't touch him. With the help of Haymitch Abernathy he ensured Peeta's celebrity status so that I could not reap him even if I rigged the lottery.

My only recourse was to 'invite' Peeta to the Capitol as my guest.

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End of Flashback ––

On the first day of his visit, I was furious when Abernathy told me that Peeta was ill and was bedridden. I knew it was tactic to keep him away from my plans. However, due to the overdosing him with the truth serum, it made him ill to a point that it incapacitated him. The doctors adamantly recommended rest for the next two days. Peeta was weak from exhaustion and needed to be isolated. I ordered my physicians to heal his sprained ankle which I didn't realized he had strained. When I asked Abernathy what happened he explained.

"One of your imperial flunkies tripped him with his rifle," he reported. I was livid at the explanation. I may not approve of Peeta's rise to his fame and status but having one of my guards injure him when I was trying to conceal my torture tactics did not bode well with me. He took it upon himself to injure him. That, I would not tolerate. I quickly had him removed from my entourage and punished accordingly in front of regiment of soldiers who was employed by me.

The peacekeeper was not just stripped of his rank and position. He was bound to a post and whipped and made an example. He received fifty lashes to ensure his death. I was sending a message to be read loud and clear as Cray was made an example.

"Let this be my only warning," I lectured the troop assembled before me. I had also had the event taped to be shown to all district Peacekeepers. "No harm shall be done to anyone unless it was ordered by me. You're job is to enforce peace and order amongst the district. You only use force when I deemed it necessary."

I knew I couldn't control all behavior but if caught, I dispensed punish readily and quickly without a hearing or hearsay. I didn't tolerate disorder or dissident of any kind even amongst my Peacekeepers. I couldn't afford another incident like Peeta Mellark. Cray took it upon his own hands to punish him without due process of a hearing before charging and punishing him. Now Peeta is a chess piece in a game between the MockingJay and me. I needed to conquer Peeta or make him an ally. The latter I could not see happening. He was hard to break, I admit.

My talk with Abernathy fueled my anger. I was outwitted and reluctantly I let Peeta go home.

"I have some good news," Heavensbee announced. "My engineers were able to recover the footage of the downed drone from District 12." My drone in 12 was flying discreetly for a week before it appeared during the dog attack. I had dispatched a group of Peacekeepers when my drone discovered that Peeta and Katniss Everdeen had breached the electrical fence. Finding them was…not as easy as I expected as the forest was lush with thick tall trees to hide from.

Once I knew their location, I sent a group to fetch them. I didn't anticipate or expect any resistance. Why would I? My Peacekeepers were trained soldiers. They were no match to my experienced soldiers. However, I miscalculated and underestimated Peeta and Katniss' strength and will to survive.

Plutarch touched the remote to my console. From the distance and angle from the drone I watched as both Peeta and Katniss killed my men.

"They're resilient. It's too bad Everdeen has past reaping age and you can't touch Peeta," he sighed. "Reaping those two fighting together would have been…glorious to watch. Two Star Crossed Lovers fighting to stay alive for each other. The ratings would have hit the roof."

I rolled my eyes. Ratings or not I would have balked at the idea. Heavensbee cleared his throat. "There is something I need to tell you," he started. "When you were with Abernathy last night, your…granddaughter Amelia disappeared for a hour. She slipped her guards and was gone."

"What?" I gasped I shock. My Amelia out alone without her security. "Why was not I told of this last night?"

"Well, I tried to call you but you ignored all my calls, Mr. President." I was about to berate when I remembered that I turned off my phone. After my talk with Abernathy I wasn't in any mood to speak to anyone. "You should insisted on contacting me…had anything happened to granddaughter, I would put your head on a stick and posted in front of my gate for all of Panem to see."

"She came back unharmed, sir," he said. Heavensbee was unalarmed at my threat. His reaction annoyed me but I was too concern for my granddaughter's welfare. The news did little to ease the panic or fear I felt for her.

"Did she tell you…never mind," I said. "I need to speak to her now." Twenty minutes later my little Amelia was escorted back into my study where I awaited for her.

"You wanted to see me grandpa," she asked. Her lips trembled. She knew why summoned.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked her. I schooled my voice not wanting to yell or scare her. That was a side I never wanted her to see. "Come here child. I will not get mad as long as you tell me the truth." I held her tiny hands in mine her soft hands were dwarfed by my large ones.

"I…um…I snuck out of the house last night," she confessed.

"Why did you feel the need to sneak out and without your guards? Had you told me where you wanted to go I would have let you as long as you had your guards with you."

"No you wouldn't," she contradicted me. Now she had my curiosity peaked.

"Where did you go?"

"Please don't get mad," she said in return.

"I…" I held my breath for a few seconds to control the anger I felt brewing within me. "Just tell me where you went."

"I went to Mr. Flickerman's house." I shook my head.

"Why would…" Then it dawned on me. Peeta was at his home after the interview. "How did you manage to get to his home? Who took you there?" The knowledge that someone helped her fueled my anger.

"No one, grandpa." I narrowed my eyes. "I swear no one did."

"Then how did you get to his house if no one helped you?" I was losing patience.

"I snuck into his hovercar while he was here visiting during dinner." Aw, my resourceful and brilliant grandchild was going to be the death of me. "I told Nanny Winters that I wasn't feeling well after dinner after I heard that Peeta was going to be at his house after the interview."

"You were gone for an hour. What did you do?"

"I…met Peeta," she gushed. 'What?'

"You were able to talk to him?"

"Yes, and I told him who I was. And he said…" She giggled. "That he was honored to have met me. I…I wanted to meet him and he was everything I expected him to be."

"What did you two talk about?"

"He was so sweet and nice to me. He talked about baking and painting. Did you know he was a painter? And so handsome and sweet." 'Good God, even my 12 year old granddaughter was enamored by Peeta.' "When he comes back for another visit, can he paint me? He said he would if you allowed it?"

"I don't know, Amelia," I said. "You left the manor without any supervision and your guards. I do not think I should reward you for your behavior."

"I'm sorry, grandpa, but I wanted to see Peeta and," she said as she pouted. "I'm glad I did because now he's gone. If I hadn't snuck out I wouldn't have met him."

"Go to your room, child," I returned. "You have made me very unhappy." I dismissed my granddaughter but made her promise me to never again sneak out of the mansion.

As she departed, I turned back to the monitor and watched the footage of Peeta and Katniss killing my Peacekeepers. An idea formulated in my head. I knew what I had to do to ensure that Peeta would succumb to my demands. I only had to wait one week and everything will fall in to place––ensuring that the odds were in my favor.

Katniss POV ––

I sat up gasping for breath my hand on my chest feeling my heart race. I turned around to make sure I didn't awaken Prim. It was bad enough that I couldn't sleep without having a nightmare and affecting her sleep as well.

Our bedroom was shrouded in darkness. Not even a sliver of moonlight penetrated the curtains. I relished the darkness hiding inside the blackness of my room. Last night was the first night in days that I slept through without a nightmare. And I knew why. Prim had slipped sleep syrup in my juice during dinner. I didn't blame her but I didn't appreciate the deception. She could have just asked me because the next morning I felt worse than ever. My sleep was deep and uninterrupted but when I woke up my bones felt like lead and my head throbbed. I felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest and what was left of me was a shell. I didn't like the feeling but it was what I felt.

I was worried about Peeta; three days passed and no word from him, not even to his father. He must still be angry with the both of us. On the fourth day of his absence I was so exhausted from lack of sleep I almost passed out in the middle of hallway in school. I placed a hand against the wall to steady me. In school the rumors and whispered started. Peeta had been gone to close to a week. All my classmates were certain that Peeta was never coming back. Why would he? He was in the Capitol as Snow's guest. I thought about it. If I were in his shoes, would I want to come back to a place that had been nothing but hurtful to him, back to a girlfriend, ex-girlfriend who broke his heart. Even Jimmy confessed his fear and concern that Peeta might not want to come back.

"I…I couldn't blame him, you know," he admitted. Jimmy ordered me to work in the kitchen due to my surly behavior with his customers. I wasn't in a generous mood to smile through my teeth and pretend that everything was all right. "…I wouldn't blame him for not talking to me and…not letting me go to the Capitol with him. I hurt him. I hurt him and you…telling him to break up with you."

"No, it's my fault that we broke up," I confessed. "I…never felt like I deserved him, his kindness and his devotion to me. He's just so good that you were right to want someone better for him."

"You're wrong," Jimmy interrupted. "You deserve to be with him and do you know why…because you are what he wanted since he was five. And if being with you made him happy, I shouldn't have broken you two apart. It was selfish of me. I had been most of his life."

"No…you love Peeta––"

"I do…he's my baby boy. But when he was growing up I failed him. I didn't protect him when…" He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I can never make up those times I wasn't there for him. And now he's angry with me and has every right to be."

"He's angry with me too. First sign of trouble and I ran…I didn't…fight for him." I fought the tears that brimmed on my eyes. I was tired of feeling this way––close to tears and angry with myself for being…stupid and insecure. My doubts overshadowed the good things that was between us.

"He'll forgive you once you make it right with him."

"I don't think he will." My lips trembled and my hands shook. "I want him to come home so I can tell him. I want to tell him that I'm sorry."

"He's forgiven me when I failed him the most. That's how big his heart is. He'll forgive you too, Katniss."

"Yeah, well even if he did, I'll never forgive myself for hurting him like that." I thought long and hard for days what I wanted to say to him and I still came up empty. I knew in my mind what I wanted to say but the words…I couldn't formulate the right words to convince him to take me back. I wasn't good with words but that was no longer a valid excuse. I will lose him if I don't find the right words to say to him. But it might be a moot point if he didn't forgive me and take me back. The thought paralyzed me.

My talk with Delly filled my mind. What she said about the Mellark men was true. What she said about Rye was true with Peeta as well.

"My point is that, I started to break up with him because he really confused me, and I started to doubt his feelings for me, but really he scared me too. The way he looks at me sometimes, like he can devour me. You have to realize that when a Mellarks loves you they love intensely with passion and devotion for the rest of your life. And that is pretty scary if you can't measure up to that. They deserve to be loved equally. I didn't know if I had in me."

Did I have it in me to love Peeta? 'Love Peeta.' I gasped at the revelation. I knew I had feelings for him that was leading me to feel things I never felt before. Was this love? I knew it was but saying it and believing was one thing. Prim kept hinting that my feelings for him was love, everyone was hinting that what I felt for him was beyond friendship. I was never his friend to begin with so falling in love was the last thing I imagined to happen. Was I in love with Peeta? Was I just being stubborn and denying my feelings for him?

I admired my parents for fighting for each other, but mom's reaction to dad almost dying was…had affected me profoundly. I never wanted that kind of power over me––to abandon my children because the love of my life was nearly taken from me. But this was what relationships were about. If I wanted to be with Peeta, to be his girl with no reservations, no emotional conflict I had to dive into the relations with no holds barred. The way he loves passionately and deeply. As Delly said can I measure up to that kind of devotion, to be that girl…woman for him? To love him as he deserved?

It took a conversation with the last person in District 12 to convince me that I deserved Peeta and he deserved to be loved by me with equal passion.

One afternoon while working at the bakery, it was a slow day with most of the bread and items gone. There was still an hour before closing time.

"Go outside and take a break, Katniss," Jimmy said as he handed me a cheese bun. "Here, a little snack before dinner won't kill you. I gave one to Prim as well." Nodding my head of approval I decided to take my break at the back of the bakery. I needed to feel the soft cool air on my heated skin. Working at the back was hot and stuffy as both ovens were opened to cool down for the day. As the sun barely kissed the horizon looking at the sunset made me miss Peeta all the more. I took a bite of the bun and closed my eyes wondering what he was doing at this moment. Was he thinking of me? Or did he blank his mind of any thoughts of me? Was he happy to be at the Capitol away from me? The latter thought depressed me.

"Hello, Katniss," a voice startled me. She was the last person I wanted to talk to let alone be around. Agatha stood at the doorway at the back of the bakery.

"What are you doing here?" I asked my voice laced with heat and anger. I remembered her attempts to seduce Peeta the night of the Celebration of Youth dance. Peeta had forgiven her. I hadn't.

"I know that Peeta is in the Capitol," she started. Her voice grated me. Her perfume reeked from her skin as if she took a bath in it. It was sickly sweet. "I thought about waiting for him to come back but I thought you wouldn't appreciate if I gave this to him without you knowing." She held a brown package neatly wrapped.

"What is it?" I asked in a suspicion tone. She giggled. Her reaction annoyed and infuriated me further as I had lost patience.

"Open it up and take a look." She surprised me as she looked pleased and excited. "I think Peeta will like it. God knows I have no use for it."

I carefully unwrapped the package waiting for it to explode in my face. I turned my head and found Delly, Rye and Mr. Mellark peeping through the window. I felt safe knowing that were looking out for me. I didn't deserve their concern or kindness after the way I hurt Peeta but they were kind people who wished me no harm.

I gasped in surprise and confusion. "I forgot all about it. I had it wrapped years ago for my Henry." She sniffled as tears brimmed her eyes.

"Henry?" I asked puzzled by the gift. It was a box of paint––sixteen tubes of different colors. The set looked expensive as each tube was cradled in between notches of dark wood made of oak. "Who's Henry?"

"Henry Sawyer, he was my fiance," she answered with a sigh. "He was reaped when he was seventeen." I didn't recall his face or name as faces and names were blurred as years passed. I was just overjoyed and relieved to have survived my reaping years.

"I don't understand," I said. I was more than confused. I was stunned.

"The paint set belonged to my Henry," she sighed. "I was going to give it to him on his eighteenth birthday. You see my Henry is…was a painter like your Peeta is." How did she know about my boyfriend's hobby? Which reminded me that I never knew what Peeta told her to back off. How he convinced her to stop pursing him as a prospective husband. Thoughts whirled in my head. I was getting dizzy thinking about it as I tried to make sense of her visit and her gift to Peeta. It wasn't his birthday. Not that I recalled asking him.

"You're really lucky, you know," she said. Her eyes looked glazed as if she was recalling a memory. "If it wasn't for Peeta, I would be pursuing him regardless of your relationship with him." Now that pissed me off. "I never approved or regarded your relationship seriously. I just thought you were a distraction…someone he used for experience. Why he would be want a Seam girl when we all know that he could never be with you, ever."

"Is there a point to your…" I fished for a word to use 'insult' came to the forefront. "Story as to why you're giving Henry's birthday gift to Peeta." My Peeta. If anyone should be giving him a gift it should be me.

"Oh, sorry I tend to ramble when I'm sad or unhappy," she explained. 'Who gives a shit of you're––'

"On the night of the dance, I did my best to convince Peeta that you were not good enough for him," she said in haughty manner. 'God damnit.' "I said and did everything I could to convince that I was better suited for him. I even accused you of drugging him and I had proof. He had a vial in his pocket."

I remembered her attempt to reach into his pocket and my fury grew. She crossed the line trying to touch him in such an intimate manner. "Peeta said it was medication for his wound. I couldn't take the chance so I destroyed it. I said and listed my reasons why I was better for him as a wife and mother to his future children." I grimaced at the memory of her trying to seduce him as she jutted her chest towards him.

Just when I resolved to fight for Peeta, Agatha voiced what I knew and felt. That I didn't deserve him, but then I thought neither did she. 'He's mine, he's mine,' a voice repeated in my head. It was a chant that I repeated in my head whenever I felt a second of insecurity and worthlessness. I was about to protest. "But then Peeta said something to me to convince me that he did deserve you." 'Oh, well…'

Agatha shifted on her feet and wrapped her arms around her waist. She was taller than me with at least four inches. The fact she wore two-inch shoes caused her tower over me and Peeta as well. The height difference didn't bother her. I didn't let her height intimidate me especially if it concerned Peeta.

"He told…no, he asked me about Henry. He wanted to know how I felt about him. He reminded me of my love and feelings for my Henry. I loved him so much and he loved me. We were…so good together, a perfect match. When my mother first told me about him, I wasn't impressed. We started out as a contract but we fell for each other. What I felt for him was real and true. I loved him so much that when he was reaped my whole world collapsed. I couldn't stay in 12 because there was so much here that reminded me of him and our time together." She sobbed and removed a handkerchief from her dress pocket. It was dainty and frilly cloth with lace on the edges.

"I don't understand what your relationship with your fiance has anything to do with Peeta," I said in an impatient manner.

She blew her nose. "Peeta reminded of those feelings I had for Henry––the love I felt for him and he asked me if I felt that same way for him. I told him I didn't but I said that I could grow to love him. He reminded me so much of Henry." I scoffed, anyone with blond hair and blue eyes would have reminded her of Henry, but I kept that thought to myself.

"They're both so sweet natured, kind and thoughtful. He was good with his hands," she continued as dreamy look appeared in her face. "He was a carpenter, loved to build things." Their family owned a furniture store. They had relatives from District 7. His family migrated to 12 nearly half a century before to open up the store in this district.

"Just like Peeta is good with his hands." I narrowed my eyes. 'What the fuck does she means saying that my boyfriend was good with his hands? How would she know that?' Then I remembered that he was a baker. I remembered watching him knead dough his muscles on his forearms and biceps were…firm and hard. Muscles he developed over years working at the bakery, lifting 100 lbs. bags of flour and carrying heavy trays of bread and pastries.

"Did you know that both Peeta and my Henry painted?" It made sense now. Why she was persistent and obsessed over Peeta. He reminded her of Henry. I'm pretty obsessive of Peeta myself. "I'd love to show one of his painting sometime. He even painted a portrait of me when I turned sixteen." She acted as though we were friends. 'Right, was she going to invite for tea and biscuits now?' I mentally smirked to myself. If this was why she wanted Peeta then why did she back out?

"Okay, so I can see why you and Mrs. Mellark contracted Peeta for a husband. He's perfect. I want to know why you backed off." Agatha looked away. She took a deep cleansing breath.

"Because of Peeta," she said her face sad with touch of longing I too felt when I thought about him. "He said…that I should find someone who would want me the way Henry loved me, the way we loved each other. He said that he couldn't grow to love me because…he loved someone else…he admitted that he loved you the way I loved Henry." I gasped in…fear. Not scared in the way that I did before. I was fearful of loving Peeta the way mom loved dad. But this was Peeta loving me in such way I never anticipated. "He said that he's been in love with you for a long time."

Peeta was five when he had crush to a seven-year old Katniss. That wasn't love but an infatuation. Infatuations are fleeting, once realized it fades. I knew that Peeta was infatuated with me; everyone kept saying he's been…crushing on me for a long time. But love? It was impossible to believe that five-year olds knew what love was at that age. But I was wrong.

"His admission shattered whatever dream I had…hoping that lightning would strike twice––that I would find love with Peeta the way I found love with Henry. I would have waited for him." She laughed, not a giggly happy laugh but a bitter one. "I even told him I'd wait for his infatuation for you to be over and do you know what he said? He loved you since he was five and he would have waited a lifetime for you if there was even an inkling that you felt the same. That I would waste my life waiting for him." I turned my head at the window where Prim too was watching me with Agatha. She had a worried look on her face. I smiled back to ensure that I was okay.

"How can I compete with that?" she wailed.

"What about the Seam-Merchant thing?" Her decision to stop pursuing seemed too easy as if she had another agenda. I didn't…. I couldn't trust how quickly she backed off.

"What about it?"

"It's…we both know that Peeta and I…our relationship is––"

"Real, true and based on feelings that has nothing to do with your hair and eye color," she interjected. My mouth flew open. "Listen, I know that I've been spouting that Peeta deserves a Merchant wife. So…it's expected of me to object. His mom basically encouraged and approved our match. Who wouldn't? It's Peeta. I would have married Graham or Rye had I had the chance, you know. But then I met Henry." She smiled.

"But you loved him so much. Loving him hurt when…he died."

"Like my world was ripped from me. The pain of losing was more than I could bear. I completely went to pieces, cried for hours days after watching him die in the arena." I gulped. There was a ringing in my ear, my stomach felt like lead and my hands shook. This was why I didn't want to fall in love––the helplessness, pain of losing Peeta would end me.

"But why fall in love again if losing Henry was devastating?" It didn't make any sense.

"I was devastated," she admitted. "But I wouldn't trade what we had at the little time we had for nothing. He was worth loving even with the short time we had together. I could never regret that. And…I would like to think that Henry wouldn't want me to waste my life without finding love again. It may not be the same but he wouldn't want me to be alone for the rest of my life."

I understood what she said but after meeting and falling for Peeta I couldn't move on if anything happened to him. I just couldn't love another person that way again.

Then something struck me like a sledgehammer to the head and a stab to my chest. I could love…or did love Peeta the way Delly loved Rye, the way mom loved Dad. 'I'm in love with Peeta Mellark.' I knew that I was…falling for him, feeling things I never felt before. I could love him but didn't want to love him with the same intensity as my parents. That kind of love was selfish. That kind of love made you abandon your children.

I could have easily fallen for Peeta accepting love and marriage as the norm. I would have loved him but with a certain distance in my heart never to fall head over heels in love with him like the love my parents shared. My epiphany was a revelation. I love Peeta as passionately with as much desire that scared me. I could lose myself to him. Love is not an emotion you measure or place in compartments as if I could love my husband and children packed in neat a package. Love is wild, reckless and freeing.

With that revelation the fog in my head disappeared and the pressure in my chest lifted. What was replaced was joy and acceptance. But with the feeling of joy at the epiphany was sorrow. I lost him even before I had a chance to tell him that I did….do love him. He was mine as I had repeated in my head every time a girl paid him attention or touched him. The thought made me teary. I had him and now I lost him.

"Aw…you miss Peeta," Agatha voiced misinterpreting my distress. "I understand, I would too if I was in your shoes." I sobbed and held the cheese bun closed to my chest.

"Katniss," Peeta's dad appeared at the doorway. "Is…are you okay?" Delly, Rye and Prim appeared at the doorway.

"What did you do?" Rye seethed in anger as he approached Agatha. She slinked in horror at his tone.

"Nothing," she said with fear in her eyes. "She misses Peeta. I swear I didn't do anything. We were just talking."

"Katniss?" Prim called me. I ran inside the bakery angry that I broke down in front of her…them. I wasn't that type of girl who cried in front of people as I was close to tears.

That night, Jimmy invited us to dinner. I was reluctant to go but I realized that being in the bakery was close as I could get to being with Peeta. He lived and worked there; his room was there with his clothes and things. When we arrived Jimmy never scolded me for trespassing in his room. Being around his things soothed me only for a few seconds as I wanted the occupant to materialize. Before going home, I took Agatha's gift and placed it on his desk. I left a note explaining whom it came from. She didn't know that I broke up with Peeta. To her knowledge I was still his girlfriend. She was perceptive as I would have been livid had she given it to him without my knowledge. I winced thinking again that I had no right to be angry with her since Peeta and I were no longer together.

Dinner was tasteless and quiet. I kept looking at Peeta's chair making me miss him more than ever. Than to compound my misery, I watched him in an interview with Caesar Flickerman. He looked…horrible, like he hasn't slept well or eaten properly. The clothes he wore made him look foreign as I didn't recognize him. He wore a tailor fitted suit that clung to lean frame. And his hair. 'Oh my God, what did they do to your hair?'

"They cut your hair," I blurted to no one in particular. "All your curls are gone. Why did they cut your hair?"

I was so entranced that I barely heard Rye. "He looks like shit, Dad. I thought…they were supposed to be treating him well. Why does he look like…that?"

"Oh my God, Peeta. What is happening to you?" 'What are they doing to you?'

The interview went on that I barely listened heard Rye's angry voice. I was so busy mesmerized by Peeta's appearance on the screen.

For a few minutes the interview continued as I focused on Peeta concentrating on his voice and words. He wanted to go home. My relief was obvious as Jimmy smiled at me. He too was glad he wanted to come home.

"Aw, Peeta, I can see why you want to go home, but you could make a home here with people who adore you as well. You can make new friends and have opportunities for a life here." I wanted to scream at Flickerman, stop him from trying to convince Peeta that he would a better life in the Capitol if he stayed.

"That is true. There are a lot of opportunities here in the Capitol. But..." He bit his lip. "I…home is where my heart is…it's with the people I grew up with, loved and even argued with. With this place I could start a new life, but…why should I start with a new beginning when I already have a life back home. I want to go home to District 12 not because of its' location but because of the people I left behind. That is why I miss home."

My chest filled with warmth and relief. 'He wanted to come home,' I repeated in my head. I was scared that he was too angry with me. 'Home is where my heart is.' I hoped that I was still in his heart as he was in mine.

The next day dragged on. I was nervous, excited and anxious. My epiphany shouldn't have all surprised me. It was…like a cloud was lifted and I felt sunshine on my skin after a long cold winter. I couldn't wait for Peeta to come home one minute then dreaded it the next. What if he can't forgive me for breaking his heart more times than I can count? What if I finally convinced that I…we weren't worth fighting for?

At school again, lunch was slow and painful. I tuned out the schoolyard chatter and noise. I felt numb. I knew I would feel like this until I resolved my issue with Peeta. Suddenly, the background noise silenced. I looked around as everyone kept still and quiet. In the air was a low humming sound like an engine of a hovercraft. I looked into the sky and low and behold, on the horizon was a Peacekeeper hovercraft entering our district.

"It's a hovercraft from the Capitol," Madge commented her words barely registering in my mind.

'Peeta,' my mind screamed in my head. 'Peeta.' The next thing I knew I was running towards the Justice Building.

"Katniss," Prim hollered as I ran out of the schoolyard once I saw the ship. "What are you doing?"

"It's Peeta," I repeated.

"What do you mean 'It's Peeta,'" she yelled. I wasn't certain but my heart and instinct told me that he was home that he was inside the hovercraft that deftly landed behind the Justice Building. I just ran.

Everyone I knew gathered in the courtyard waiting. Waiting for what? Why was everyone here blocking my way?

"Is President Snow back?"

"What's taking so long? Who's inside the hovercraft?" The congregation of people grew as time passed. Amongst the crowd I saw Rye and Mr. Mellark. I guess they too hoped that Peeta had come home. Why else would they be in the courtyard?

The crowd gasped as the visitors appeared exciting the Justice Building. My heart stopped.

"Peeta, Peeta," both Rye and his dad yelled out to him. Peeta's head was down his eye on the floor. Their voices caught his attention. They engulfed him with their arms in a group hug.

"You took your fucking time," Rye said to him while ruffling his hair with his hand. "If you missed my wedding I'd have kicked your ass." Peeta smiled at his brother.

"Everyone give them space," Darius ordered. Space? It was the last thing I wanted…needed.

"I'm so happy you're home," Jimmy cried. He had tears in his eyes.

"Everyone, move back," Darius continued as I pushed and shoved at people in my way. I had to get to him. I didn't care what transpired between us––the hurt and pain I inflicted on us. I was just so happy to have him home.

"Peeta!" I yelled. He looked startled as his big blue eyes met mine. There was a second of joy on his face, then it disappeared replaced with uncertainty.

"You're home. You're home. You came home," my voice cracked from joy and unrestraint happiness. My heart beat on my chest like a pair of drums. Peeta's breath tickled my neck. It was harsh and heavy.

"Aww…" the crowd crowed around us. There was a mixture of disgust and acceptance amongst the Merchant and Seam. It mattered not to me as I held onto Peeta wrapping my arms around him tight. He returned my hug. I closed my eyes in relief glad that he didn't reject me in front of friends, family and the whole district.

I looked beyond Peeta's shoulder. Delly had a huge smile on her face as she whispered to Rye. His brother wasn't amused or pleased that I had broken up their family reunion. I didn't care. I needed Peeta to know that I missed him even when I had torn his heart apart a week before. Delly had a hand on Rye upper arm as she was trying to keep him at bay.

"Fucking hell," Haymitch swore. Peeta and I broke apart. I was scared that Haymitch was going to say something, objecting our reunion. Peeta by now had probably told him what happened to us. I assumed he would side with him. "I hate to break up this little reunion but..." He pointed to the sky.

I looked up and found a white drone hovering above us. It was smaller than the others probably a modified version. "We need to take this private without them watching us." There was disgust in Haymitch's tone.

I waited for Peeta to make a move. I knew it should have been me but I'm scared and excited to see him, touch him. But Peeta, he was kind as he was good as he grabbed my hand and led us through the throng of onlookers. Our relationship or lack of was not for public consumption to be judged and talked about. Peeta guarded his privacy. They didn't know we were not together anymore.

"Welcome home, Peeta," Mrs. Edgewood greed him. "Tyler's been missing you pretty fierce."

Peeta smiled back. It was a tired smile that reached his eyes. "I'm glad to be home, Mrs. Edgewood," he returned. "I'm missed him too."

Amongst the crowd, Prim and Madge gestured a thumbs up in my direction. It was a sign of encouragement. I needed it.

"All right, everyone the show's over," Principal Maurtagh announced to his student body. "All students report back to your classrooms. Your lunch break is over." A feeling of panic and fear filled me. I didn't want to return back to class. I wanted and need to talk to Peeta.

"It's okay, Katniss," Peeta's voice broke through my haze of panic and fear. "I'll…I'll see you after school."

"Peeta?" There was so much I wanted to say. But I didn't want an audience and we didn't have time. "I…"

"Hey, I'm really tired," he said. "I know you…and I need to talk but not now, okay?" His eyes pleaded for me to accept and understand. Now that he was home and I knew what I wanted…words failed me. My throat constricted. I wanted to be with him and yet at the same time I'm scared of what he wanted to talk about. "I'm probably going to pass out once I head back home."

I nodded my head. "I'm really happy that you're home. That you came back." I told him as I hugged him one more time. My need to touch him overwhelmed me.

"Me too, Katniss, me too." With great reluctance I let him go. I watched him as he walked back home with his dad and Haymitch walking beside him. My chest felt heavy as he took each step away from me. It wasn't going to go away until I saw him again.

School was torture. I kept looking at the clock every five minutes willing it to go faster. I still had another class before school ended. It felt like forever.

"Eyes forward, Katniss," Ms. Grace Atwell, my Social studies teacher ordered. "The more you look at the clock the slower and longer the class will get. You can see Peeta after school." I blushed hoping that my face didn't pink from embarrassment. I was that obvious of wanting to get out of the class. I forced myself to look forward as the class dragged on. As soon as the bell rang, I shot straight up.

"Katniss, wait a second," she said. I groaned in disappointment and frustration. My skin felt warm like I was running a fever. "Before you run off, I need to speak to you for a few seconds."

I walked up to her desk as I clutched my book to my chest. 'Hurry up already,' I said to her in my head. 'I want to see Peeta.'

She extended an envelope to me. "Peeta has missed almost a week of school." 'Duh, really.' "I know your heading to the bakery. Can you please make sure he gets this?" I nodded my head and waited for her to explain. "He needs to catch up when he returns next week. They are all the assignments and homework he missed this week."

"Is that all?" I asked eager to leave, pick up Prim and head to the bakery.

She smiled. "Yes, that's all." I turned to leave. "And, Katniss…I just wanted to say…that I admire you and Peeta. You both…are very brave." My brows lifted in surprise. "I know that it's not easy because you're from the Seam and he's Merchant. I wished I had the courage when…" She stopped herself from continuing as she bit her lower lip. "Anyway, just make sure Peeta catches up with all his assignments when he returns to school." I nodded my head.

Ten minutes later, I barged into the bakery trying not to appear too eager. Delly was already at the storefront helping out customer. "Get into your uniform, Katniss," she greeted me. I balked and scowled at her before I could muster a reply Jimmy appeared with a tray of frosted cupcakes. He looked at ease with himself.

"Katniss," he said my name with a smile on his face. I hadn't seen him this happy since the day Peeta left for the Capitol. "Before you ask, Peeta is upstairs…asleep." The weight in my chest multiplied. "If you want…you can go up and see him, just don't wake him up, okay? I don't think he slept well in the Capitol."

Without a word, I climbed up the steps with Prim at my heels. This wasn't what I had in mind. I wanted to talk to Peeta but it wasn't the right time. I opened his door slowly. His window was wide open letting a light breeze cool his room. He had taken off his shirt and pants throwing them on the ground as it landed in the middle of the room. Peeta was in bed in his t-shirt and boxer shorts. I blushed at the sight of him lying on his side almost in a fetal position. I tip toed towards him taking off my shoes in case I awoke him.

He looked peaceful despite the dark circles under his eyes. I didn't notice it at first. I cringed as I looked at his short hair. It was too short for my taste. I reached out to touch him to make sure he was real. For days I wondered how he was doing, wondering if he thought of me, of us. I sighed. I told myself that at least he was home and not at the Capitol. I'd wait for as long as I need to talk to him.

There wasn't much I could do but watch him sleep for a few seconds. I noticed a slight bruise on his upper arm. He wore tight black boxer short that…displayed his manly assets. I shoved the image of him… Argh, I needed to cool down and control myself before I molested him in his sleep.

Sadly, I turned and left to change into my uniform and work. All afternoon my eyes were glued to the stairwell wishing Peeta would appear. My attempt to talk to him was thwarted as he slept through most of the afternoon.

"My poor boy," Jimmy commented. "He was so tired. Haymitch told me he hadn't eaten well when they were at the Capitol. When he got home all he wants to do is sleep."

"He's home now, Dad," Rye added. "That's all that matters."

"It's Saturday tomorrow, why don't you come over after breakfast. You don't have to work at all." I was surprised by Jimmy's suggestion. "I know you want to talk to him."

That night, I couldn't sleep. Not wanting to disturb Prim as much as I already had I opted to sleep in the living room. It was hours before I finally slept as I stared out the window praying for the hours to pass. The next morning I took extra time to bath and dress myself.

"Prim don't do that," I said as I swatted her hand. She surprised me as she sprayed me with her perfume bottle.

"You need all the help you can't get," she teased me.

"I don't think Peeta cares what I smell like," I scowled at her.

"It's not for you it for him" she corrected me. "Do you want to smell like pine cone and dirt?"

"I didn't go out this morning."

The urgency to talk to Peeta was gone replaced by anticipation and anxiety. I prayed that I'd find the right words when we finally confronted each other without disruptions and an audience.

"Do you want me to come with you to the bakery?" Prim asked extending her moral support and encouragement as she snuck another whiff of the perfume to my chest. "You should put some lipstick on." I gave up as she handed the lipstick to me.

"No, Prim," I told her. "I…appreciate everything you've done or said to me these past few days. You've been very patient and understanding. You didn't judge me. I need to do this on my own." For me actions spoke louder than words, but for Peeta he needed both if I am to mend what I shattered between us.

The walk to the bakery was nerve wracking. I took deep cleansing breath every few yards to clear my head and my anxiety. I needed to make this right between Peeta and me. I'll never forgive myself if I fucked this up more than I already had.

"Good morning, Katniss," Peeta's father greeted me. His smile was so wide it was infectious and encouraging.

"Good morning, Jimmy," I greeted him back. I stood in the middle of store front anxious and nervous. 'Where's Peeta? Did he want to see me?' So many scenarios ran in my head, all not good as I imagined him rejecting and humiliating me hurting me the way I hurt him. I'd deserved it.

"Peeta's in the back," he started.

"How is he?" I wanted a heads up of his mood before I confronted him. 'Coward,' my mind whispered.

"He slept for most of the night," he explained. "He missed dinner. But…he was up very early this morning. I woke up to fresh bread, coffee and early morning prep work all done by the time I got up. He must have been up really, really early." I calculated in my head the time frame he must have been up. It would have to have been at least three in the morning if he had done all the prep work.

"How's he feeling?"

"Well, pretty good I guess. I mean we had a nice long talk so…" He looked sheepish. "Let's just say that I'm just grateful that he has a forgiving nature. He forgave me, you know. I hurt both of you and he forgave me." Well, I expected Peeta to forgive him since he is his father, but as for me…I'm another matter.

"I knew he would," I smiled at him.

"Um…I know that I hurt you for saying that to you and I never really apologized," he admitted. I didn't expect him to. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have t o ––" I started. "You don't. This problem between Peeta and I…I broke us up––"

"It didn't help that I placed doubt in our relationship with him," he asserted. He was right of course.

"You didn't say or add the doubt I already had in my head," I confessed. "Delly was right." His eyes furrowed. "She said had you told her not to see Rye she would have defied you." He chuckled. "Nothing you said or could have done would have stopped her from seeing Rye. I…caved and ran at the first sign of trouble."

"I don't blame you, Katniss. Listen, your relationship with Peeta had obstacles long before you got together. You're Seam, he's Merchant and his mother…well you know about her." I nodded.

"He's taking a break at the back if you want to see…talk him now," he said. "I told him you were coming after breakfast so he's expecting you." My feet felt like lead. This was it. "Go on, Katniss." He encouraged me. "And Katniss, good luck." I smiled and swallowed a ball of saliva down my throat. "Just one word of advice." He paused. "Fight for him. Let him know that he's worth fighting for. Just don't give up if he…gets stubborn."

Stubborn was my middle name. I could work with stubborn as long as I know he still wanted me. I entered the kitchen. I was in a hurry to confront Peeta when Rye stopped me. "Katniss," he said my name his eyes hard and his lips in a thin line. Geez, I had Jimmy's approval and blessing. I had forgotten about Rye. I didn't blame him for being angry with me.

I sighed. "Rye, listen. I know that you're angry at me for hurting Peeta."

"I'm beyond angry. I only have two things to say to you. Fix it or leave him alone," he said his eyes hard as steel. Then he turned and left.

"Okay, no pressure, " I said to myself. My hands were soaked with sweat, my knees wobbled as I opened the door and walked out of the bakery. I turned left and right and found Peeta staring at the sky above him, his eyes closed as he soaked up the sun on his face. I couldn't read him whether he was angry or happy since I knew he was expecting me.

"Hey, Peeta," I said my voice shook with anxiety. He snapped his eyes opened and turn his head so fast I was concerned he strained his neck. Peeta wore a light blue shirt and dark gray cotton pants. He looked…tired and worn out but at ease.

He stared at me for a few seconds that I felt as though he was seeing a ghost. That I was there despite the fact that shredded his hearts days before. "I'm really glad you're home."

He nodded his head. I wrapped my arms around my waist wishing his arms were around me.

"I'm glad to be home too," he said. Before I could start he spoke first. "I'm sorry, Katniss." I was stunned by his apology. "When I was at the Capitol, my visit there gave a lot of time to think." Oh, God. I could tell which direction he was headed so I had to stop him.

"Peeta," I interrupted him. "Before you say anything there is someplace I want to take you." Peeta closed his eyes and opened them a few seconds later.

"Katniss, I really don't feel like going––"

"Please, Peeta. It's not far." He hesitated. My stomach sunk and knees buckled with fear. "Please!" I extended my hand. He looked away as he dug his hands in to his pockets. His rejection stung but I gathered my courage. I had to be strong not just for me but also for us. He gave up on me and it was no one's fault but my own. "Please come with me."

Reluctantly, he took my hand. I looked back at the building to find Jimmy staring after us. He smiled. The gesture encouraged me. The walk to my destination took a few minutes. We ended up at the edge of the Merchant area and the beginning of the Seam. On the border of the edge of town was a small meadow and at the furthest end was a house. It was dilapidated as years of weather destroyed the building. It was however still livable if one wanted to rebuild it. It was abandoned years ago as fire destroyed one part of the house––the kitchen.

A Seam woman who had a daughter once owned the abandoned house. The husband was a casualty from the mining accidents years before. Then, years later her only daughter was reaped at her first reaping ceremony at the age of 12. Months later, the mother died during the fire leaving the house abandoned. There it sat ravaged by man and nature.

Both Peeta and I stared at the ruins for a few seconds. Wild plants and foliage surrounded the house. You had to do bit of gardening to get to the front door entrance. The shingles on the roof were missing as neighbor picked the house apart as the window panes were also ripped off. Even in its' dilapidated and ruin state it was still beautiful to me.

"When I was growing, I thought this was the most beautiful house in the Seam," I started. "The woman who owned it was a friend of my mom's." I continued my story as Peeta had a look of confusion on his handsome face. "She had this garden in the back of the house. Mom was so jealous because she could grow anything––vegetables, herbs, flowers, you name she grew it. She was a wonder to me, how she could make things grow in this…horrible world. How she could make a patch of dirt grow the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen." I walked towards the back of the house. Peeta followed me without a word. He was ever so patient and kind.

There in the small space were flowers growing wild and free. There was an assortment of plants I was familiar with. I loved the scent it expelled earthy, sweet and lush. It was a small haven when I couldn't visit my meadow. "On our birthdays the woman would let us pick flowers from the garden as a gift. Each flower we picked she would tell us its' name and the meaning behind each flower. She taught us that each plant had a meaning and/or purpose. Some can be used as an herb to heal or prevent infections. Prim listened but I didn't. I only saw the beauty of each plant. Their purpose meant nothing to me. All except one."

We walked into the field. It wasn't large but it was filled wild blooms of daisies, marigolds and petunias. I plucked a daisy from the array of plants.

"This is milk thistle, it's belong to the daisy family. It's mostly used to help people who have liver problems," I said as I handed the plant to Peeta. He looked at it. It was purple in color with its' spiky leaves jutting underneath. It wasn't pretty like the other daisies but it had healing purpose. "Prim would gather as may as she could to use for medicinal purpose."

Then I walked over a patch of yellow plants. It was dainty and fragile. "This plant is important to me. I remember the first time I saw it," I started. "Prim told me it's called dandelion. It's not sturdy or hardy like daisies, it's fragile and would easily crushed if not handle carefully. I remember the exact day and first time it's significance started to mean to me. It was the day you threw bread at me when I was eleven."

Peeta's eyes grew large. It was sort of funny seeing him in a state of panic. I had never addressed or thanked him for saving me that day. "I remember running home with the bread you threw at me clutching it to my chest. I couldn't believe it. What you did for me. I just picked it off the ground and ran home." I smiled at the memory. "On the way home, I passed this place like I always did and in the front of the house, these flower grew. It was everywhere. The color stuck out in my head because it was gray and raining that day but the dandelions, they stuck out that day."

"I would have given you bread everyday, had I had the chance," he said. Had he said that a few weeks ago I wouldn't have believed him, but I now I knew him better.

"That was the day I knew that it was going to be okay. That somehow fate was telling me not to give up––that a little Merchant boy saved me that day. You saved me."

"I just threw you one loaf of bread, Katniss," he said his face sad. "It hardly saved your life. I knew you were starving. I saw you and Prim everyday at school. How you started to look thin from hunger. I wanted to share my lunch with you but I knew you wouldn't let me. I knew…I know how proud you are." He was right. I would have rejected his act of kindness and thought of it as charity and pity. I would have resented him for it. I'm still prideful and suspicious of people around me.

"No, you don't understand. When you came to school the next day…I saw the bruises you got. I knew how you got them." I closed my eyes and shook the memory of that day. When I opened them, Peeta was staring at me. He looked lost and vulnerable.

"I didn't care that she beat me. I was happy to have done it for you," he said.

"I know. But after seeing you hurt because of me, I was ashamed and I felt guilty." My eyes brimmed with tears. "Instead of thanking you for the bread and getting hurt, I…didn't say anything, do anything to let you know that I was grateful."

"It's in the past," he said.

"It is and it isn't because ever since that day…I've been unfair to you. I grew resentful because I thought I owed you." He sighed. That look of sadness turned to disbelief. "I hate owing people––"

"I know," he muttered under his breath. "I know all this. You hate owing people. That is not why…why are you bringing this up now, Katniss?"

"Because, I need to explain why I've been mean and cruel to you, to someone who has been nothing but been kind to Prim and me. I didn't want your charity and your pity. It never occurred to me you were being kind and generous because it is who you are. I thought you had an agenda. You couldn't be that kind to someone like me, someone who wasn't like you. You are Merchant and I was…half of each world that because of my looks made me not like you and Prim. I am Seam and I am also Merchant."

"I never cared that you were from the Seam," he admitted. "I…just cared about you."

"I know that now," I said. "I just want to tell you finally. I know it long overdue but thank you for saving me that day. Thank you for taking a beating when you threw the bread to me knowing how your…mother would react. Thank you for being who you are despite the abuse you endured, for being sweet, kind and compassionate. I never met anyone like you."

"I'm no one special, Katniss." He shrugged his shoulders. Peeta was self-deprecating himself and I hated it. He was…is special. "I was just doing the right thing."

"What I'm trying to do or say is…I know we got off on the wrong start pretending we were in a relationship. It was based on a lie to protect each other. But I want you to know that I don't regret it, how it started. I know that you…" I sobbed and held my tears at bay. I couldn't start to fall apart now. "We are no longer…friends or anything. I broke us even before we got a chance to be together in real relationship."

"It was best to break up anyway," Peeta muttered. I shook my head.

"No, I asked you to give me a chance and you agreed. We were working on our friendship even though everyone thought we were boyfriend-girlfriend and we weren't."

"Katniss, stop," he said with pained expression on his face. He bit his lower lip and grimaced. "We're done––"

"I know that," I interjected with a tinge of anger not at him but at myself. "I know it's my fault that I tore whatever we were building between us. It's all my fault. I ran away instead of fighting for us. You were right. I ran the first sign of trouble––"

"No, our relationship was a lie," he interjected. "Relationships built on that kind of foundation wasn't…are meant to last. We did it to protect each other that is true, but continuing it was wrong––"

"No, it wasn't," I shouted my voice startled him. "Yes, it was founded on a lie, but we agreed to continue it because there is something between us. Something that I fought hard to ignore and avoid."

"What do you mean?" I stunned him as I knew it would. "I don't understand."

"I've had…have feelings for you for some time now. I don' t when or how it started I just know that I was in the middle of it." I stopped waiting for a response none came so I kept going. "You've always been somewhere in the back of my mind since that day in the rain all those years ago. I just never had the courage to…say anything or do anything. You just…you scare me."

"I scare you?" Peeta voiced with credulity. "I think it's safe to say it's the other way around. You scare me. You scare me because…"

"What?" I asked. I knew he was attracted to me and I am a little intimidating. I can admit that.

"You're so…beautiful and strong. You're so…spellbinding at times. I look at you sometimes and you take my breath away," he confessed. "And I'm not just talking figuratively. I look at you, and I can't stop myself from looking. You literally take my breath away." He blushed at his admission. It encouraged me to push forward.

"You scare in ways I never felt before. I felt things I never wanted to feel before. And even now, you still scare me."

"You never…were you scared that I would…" He stopped and rubbed his eyes as if he was trying to stop himself from tearing.

"What?"

"You're not scared that I would hurt you, you know. Like the way my mom…what she did to me."

"Never, I was never afraid that you would hurt like that. You don't have it in you to be abusive physically or mentally. It never entered my mind." I reached out and extended my hand to him. This time he grabbed it like a lifeline. He sighed in relief. Something between us shifted, it was palpable. I just had to bridge the gap I placed between us.

"I'm sorry that I ran from you that night. I ran because I believed what your dad said was true."

"It wasn't your fault. All the things that has happened to me since I met you wasn't your fault."

"I just didn't feel like I deserved to be happy when shit kept happening to you since we've been together," I confessed. "So I ran and instead of fighting for us, I ran."

"I understand that, Katniss, I do but…" He turned his head.

"Peeta," I interjected. "I want…to try again." He shook his head. A lump formed in the pit of my stomach.

"I don't know if I want to…"

"I know I hurt you. I didn't fight for us like you said. I've done nothing but hurt you since we've met. I'm so sorry. I can't promise that I wouldn't hurt you again. But I can promise you that I wouldn't hurt you intentionally like I did that night."

"I don't know," he said.

"Let me finish, please." I squeezed both his hands into mine and stared into his blue eyes. "Please give me chance to explain." I was mesmerized for a few seconds losing my train of thought as I got lost looking at him.

"Katniss?"

"Sorry," I blushed feeling my cheeks warm from being caught staring at him. "I can't promise you if I feel like I want to run but I can promise you one thing. I promise that whatever I'm feeling if I'm scared or feeling trapped, it isn't because I'm scared of you or don't want you because I do. I do want you in my life. I want you like I've never wanted anyone before. These feelings I have for you are new to me. And it does scare me. I can admit to that. But something Delly said a few days ago made me realize that I rather be scared feeling this way about you than lose you. I don't want to lose you."

"We were never really together, Katniss," he reminded me.

"I know. We were creating and building a friendship," I reminded him back. "A friendship I hope that would lead to something better––a relationship built on trust and honesty that when things are bad I know I can rely on you as you can rely on me."

"You…you want…that with me?" he asked in a surprised and hopeful tone in his voice.

I could tell him that I love him now but would he believe me not after crushing his heart a few days ago. "Yes, I want that with you. I just need to know if you believe me."

"You've had to have known by now that…I've had a crush on you since I was a little boy. Everyone kept telling me that I would get over my infatuation with you. That I would outgrow it."

I smiled at him. "I did outgrow my infatuation with you. I outgrew whatever fantasy I had of you. What I felt for you is real and I haven't been able to get over it."

"I don't want you to get over it," I said in horror. 'Please don't give up on me…on us now.'

"I can't…couldn't even if I tried," he said with a sad smile. I didn't want him to be sad or unhappy when he was with me or thought of me.

"My question is…do you…want to try again? This time we date for real because I believe that we can be friends and be ready to move to the next step."

"But weren't we trying before?"

"We were but we started on the wrong foot. I need you to know that this time I want something?"

"What?" He needed me to spell it out without any hidden meaning or assumptions. "What do you want, Katniss?"

"I don't want to tip toe around and say we should start over again and work on our friendship."

"But isn't that how a relationship should be based on?" To my knowledge not all relationship were based on friendship. Gale dated girls not because he wanted to be friends with them. I didn't think taking them to the slap heap on your first date was what he had in mind as the basis of friendship. But Peeta wanted friendship as our foundation. We weren't even friends when we pretended to be boyfriend-girlfriend.

"I agree that we should have a real and strong relationship based on friendship, rooted by the knowledge of us knowing each other. I want…dates with you, lots of them. I want you not just as my friend, Peeta. I want a relationship with you based on friendship and love. I want to earn your love." There I said it. I hoped that my face wasn't too red from embarrassment. "You said you wanted me since you were five. I want to deserve that devotion and affection."

"What happens if you start to get scared again?" he asked so soft and low I barely heard but I did. His answer stung from his indecision. "How do I know you won't run again? How do I know you'll fight for us when the next sign of trouble happens?"

"I can't promise you that I won't feel scared or think about running away because that's me. I run when I feel trapped."

"Then what's the point if you're––"

"I want to try," I pleaded. "I know myself now…I'll be aware of your feelings and not just my own when I have doubts or get scared. Peeta, I've never done this before. I've never wanted something like this before. I'll screw up I know I will. Give me another chance."

He was quiet for a few minutes. The silence between us scared me. The fear of what he was going to say next was crippling. His eyes were glued to our clasped hands, his fair skin contrasted against my darker complexion. We were physically the opposite of each other like night and day. His bright blond lush hair reflected his sunny disposition and gentle heart as opposed to my dark hair reflecting my moody and closed off personality.

"Can you…can you give me a couple of days to think about it?"

"What?" I gasped in fear. What was there to think about? Yes or no. Yes, I want to try again or hell no, I don't want you anymore. It was that simple to me. "Why a couple of days?"

"So much has happened this past month. My mind can't catch up since I awoke from your house. I had so many drugs pumped in my system, I can't think straight and…"

"What?" He was scaring me at a different level. I should be relieved that he didn't say no. He just needed a couple of days to think it over. I could wait. He waited for me for eleven years. What's two day in comparison?

"I…something happened to me at the Capitol," he confessed. I gasped in horror. He lifted his hand and rubbed his upper right shoulder.

"What happened?"

"Nothing serious, I think. I hope." His hand movements stopped. Did someone hurt him? "The night before…last night, I attended a party at Mr. Flickerman's penthouse suite. Haymitch wasn't with me, but I had two of my stylist with me."

"Where was Haymitch?" I asked as fear compounded my anxiety.

"I don't know. He was summoned by President Snow and was supposed to follow me but…he never showed up." Images and scenarios started to form in my head. I shook them off. "I felt okay for a while but later, I asked for a glass of water and when I drank it, it tasted sweet, tangy. The next thing I knew it's morning and I'm sleeping in my bed. I don't remember how I got home."

"You don't remember anything?"

"I remember…" He blushed for a few seconds. "I remembering thinking I was wished you were there with me. I thought I saw you before I passed out. So you see, I'm…confused with everything. I can't even believe were having this conversation right now. I remember our fight before visiting the Capitol and we fought…I told you that we were done. I just can't get everything straight in my head. I don't know what to believe.

My heart clenched. He was confused. At least there was one thing I needed to know. "Can you please be truthful to me if I ask you something?"

"I'd never lie to you, Katniss," he said as he looked away and yanked his hands from our grasp. I flinched knowing that I insulted him. I did know him but my doubts and insecurity overshadowed any reason. "I thought you knew me by this time."

"I…it's not you I doubt." He scoffed not believing me. "It's me, I doubt. You once said that you admire me because I'm strong. But the truth is, I'm not. I'm strong for the people I love. But when it comes to me and what I want, I… get scared. I'm scared to want things and depend on people, to be vulnerable around them. I don't let a lot of people in my life."

"I understand," he said. "I know."

"I need to know that you still feel the same. I know I hurt you and you're scared I'd hurt you again. I'm really scared that you…you don't want me anymore. That I caused so much damage and hurt that you don't feel the same way."

He turned his head to me blue clashed with gray eyes. The look he gave me mesmerized and immobilized me. My knees shook and my hands felt clammy.

"You hurt me," he admitted. The ache in my throat intensified. Breaking down in front of him was…I didn't want to give him the power to let him know that he could hurt me back but…isn't that what relationships are about? To be vulnerable, to let the person who you love into your heart letting them see all sides of you––not just the good side but the bad as well. He was well acquainted with the sulky, brooding and closed off side of me. Maybe it was time him to see me at my weakest. I could be me with him. All of me. "And I know I'm hurting you with my indecision and asking for time but…I need it to clear my head."

"I'm sorry Peeta. I really am. If I could take back that night I would," I said.

"All I can say is I could never…be over you even if you decided to not want me back. I've felt this way about you for a long time…I don't see how I could just get over wanting you in just a few days time. I never wanted anyone in my life but you. I'm just not sure that we're good for each other."

"Then give me a chance to convince you that we are good for each other," I suggested. "You've been hurt by me so many times that now you're the one who's scared. I did that to us." He nodded his head in agreement. "You said you needed two days. I'm positive of what I want. I'm giving only two days because I'm selfish when it comes to you. I just need to know why two days?" It was an odd request. He could have said give him time but he said two days.

"Um…I've been meaning to ask you but didn't get the chance." He raised his hand to his head rubbing the back of his neck. "You know, before all…this happened. I wasn't going to ask you but I guess we still have to make an appearance of being together."

"You would have continued the ruse of us together? Even though we broke up?"

"Yes, I realized at the Capitol while I was there. Breaking up with you would have been…not good for you. You would have been ridiculed and shit on with my Merchant friends and classmates. I didn't want that for you." I bit my lip. Even when I hurt him he was still protecting me. "So when Dad said that you were coming over to talk to me, I knew we were over but…I was willing to keep up the lie, but you surprised me." I smiled at him.

"Still, I don't understand why you need two days."

"Rye and Delly's wedding is in two days," he stated. I was so concerned with his absence that I had forgotten that his brother's wedding was coming up soon. In two days?

"I was going to ask you to come even though we broke up but now…well, I was still wondering if you were willing wait until his wedding to give you my answer. So I was wondering if you want to come––"

"Yes," I didn't hesitate. He needed two days. That was all I was going to give him. Like I said I'm selfish and possessive when it comes to him, but he didn't need to know that. "Yes." Yes, I would wait two days. I would wait for as long as he didn't reject out right. Jimmy was right. Peeta did have a forgiving nature. I just had to be patient just as he was patient with me. Joy, elation, hope and any other positive emotion filled me. It wasn't a date but it wasn't a rejection either. "I would love to attend the wedding with you."

I burst forward and wrapped my arms around him not caring if he wanted me to or not. I needed to hold him. He hesitated at first but after a few seconds when he realized I wasn't letting go, he wrapped his lean arms around me. I sighed in relief. I closed my eyes and dropped my head on his shoulder pressing my nose onto his neck. He smelled of flour, butter and yeast––a smell I could get accustomed to for the rest of my life. I relished the feeling of his strong arms around me his heart beating against mine. 'Yeah, I could really get used to this.'

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AN: Thank you for being ever so patient with me. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter and it was worth the wait. Hope to update soon. Have a great rest of the week.