Endurance

Stardate 44845.88

(Sunday, 5 November 2367, 17:56 hours, ship's time)

There are times in your life when change seems to take forever to come: when you're wishing for your first kiss, or first period, for example, or when you're counting the days until you get to start high school and put middle school behind you. There are other times when change comes at you with all the subtlety of a Klingon battle cruiser, firing at you from what feels like a million directions, all at once.

Translation: That Saturday, when I'd walked into Data's quarters expecting my usual morning of music and mild flirting, I'd still been a kid. Not a child, but, a kid.

By the end of the day, after seeing (literally) inside his head, after having to deactivate him, after sharing a really satisfying kiss, and then after his revelation that he'd promised my mother he wouldn't touch me, I wasn't a kid any more. Somewhere in that day, the last of my childhood had oozed out of me. I expect it was in a puddle under Data's coffee table. I wondered if it would stain.

The day after That Saturday was an all-day tech rehearsal for Romeo and Juliet. As had become my habit, I kept offering breath mints to my Romeo, Ethan Lovejoy. The dark-haired, blue-eyed ensign was just on the verge of being pretty rather than handsome, and I couldn't deny that his performance was natural, and that we played well against either other, but his breath… His breath could have slayed an entire army of Borg.

Around six that evening, Dr. Crusher finally released us. "Don't over rehearse between now and Thursday," she reminded us. "And remember – limit your dairy intake, drink plenty of water, and get lots of rest."

Just before eight – twenty-hundred hours, in Starfleet parlance - I was outside Data's door. I wasn't wearing my comm-badge, which meant I had to use the annunciator.

"Come in," came his familiar, pleasant invitation. I walked through the door, to find him sitting behind his. console. "Zoe," he said. "I was not expecting you. I am afraid I am due to meet Geordi in engineering shortly, and then I must take command of the bridge for the night watch. Perhaps it would be better if we met before or after class tomorrow."

"I won't be in class tomorrow," I said, firmly but gently. I laid the bundle of folded cloth I'd been holding on the desk in front of him. "I just wanted to return this. I didn't mean to abscond with it."

"I did not mind," he said, unfolding it, recognizing it as his uniform jacket, and refolding it in a slightly different configuration. "As to class…"

"Don't, please? I know I need an upper level math credit. I'll figure something out with Ms. Phelps, but I meant it when I said I couldn't be your student anymore. And it's not just because - because we kissed again – it's everything. Too much has happened, and we can't go backward."

"I understand," he said. "You will be missed in class, though."

"You're going to be 'missing' me on Thursday evenings and Saturday mornings as well," I said. "For a while."

"Zoe…?"

He'd managed to find an inflection of my name that conveyed both disappointment and lack of understanding, and it hurt me to hear it.

"I've been snapping at people, snarking more than is normal – even for me – for a while now. You know my yelling at Jenna that night wasn't exactly in character. Even before yesterday I've been… Look, there are things involving everything that happened in February and over the summer, that I haven't resolved, and I need to spend some extra time with Counselor Troi working on them. I've been spending so much time with you, where I feel so safe, so cared for, so at home, that I've been able to bottle things up, but even you have admonished me about that."

"I had noticed that your moods were becoming increasingly unpredictable," he admitted. "I am glad you are seeking the assistance of Counselor Troi. If yesterday exacerbated anything..." he trailed off.

"It did, and it didn't. Eventually, we'll talk about it, but right now, I need to step back from so much intense time with you and focus on me for a while. I don't expect you to ignore me in the corridors, or anything, I just need a break from all our 'regularly scheduled' activities."

His soft reply of "As you wish," nearly tore me in half, but then he surprised me by stepping around the console and pulling me into a hug, then kissing the top of my head.

I let myself enjoy being in his arms, surrounded by his reassuring solidity, and then I pulled away. "I should go now. I'll see you…"

"I will see you on Thursday before curtain," he said, "if not sooner."

(=A=)

Stardate 44865.70

(Sunday, 12 November 2367, 23:35 hours, ship's time)

For the next week, I spent two hours a day in sessions with Counselor Troi, some with Mom present, some not, and I was starting to feel less fearful about any further encounters with Lore. Deanna knew, though my mother did not, that knowing where Lore's off-switch was located had been incredibly helpful. Data was right in his assertion that I would likely not survive an attempt to deactivate his dark twin, but knowing it was possible was enough.

By the time the closing night of Romeo and Juliet had arrived, I was already missing my usual one-on-one time with Data so much that there was an almost physical itch. Oh, we'd talked a little bit backstage – he seemed incredibly concerned (especially for him) with my well-being – but nothing real or meaningful.

I tried to catch up with him, at least for a few minutes at the cast party, but it was nearly midnight before I'd managed to extricate myself from Ethan's presence, as well as that of the apparently unending stream of people who came up to me to compliment my performance. "You were so natural. Are you planning to continue acting in college?" was the common refrain. By the time I was finally free, and had joined Mom and Ed, Counselor Troi and Commander Riker, Dr. Crusher, and Geordi at a table – Captain Picard had actually given me his chair as he excused himself – Data had already gone.

"He's not avoiding you," Guinan said, coming up behind me during a lull in the conversation.

"Excuse me?"

"Data. He isn't avoiding you. He's been doing night watch on the bridge all week, but it was scheduled before whatever happened between you. He wanted to speak with you tonight, but people kept commanding his attention…or yours."

"I haven't been intentionally avoiding him, either," I told her. "I mean, I have, but…"

"No," she said. "You aren't avoiding him, you're merely taking a break. He told me. He misses you, you know." She raised her voice to address the table at large, "Do you mind if I join you?" No one did. She sat down next to me, but directed her next statement to Dr. Crusher, who was further away. "I think it would be interesting to cast Zoe and Data against each other in the next production."

I knew I was goggling at her, and I didn't care, but it was the doctor's response that surprised me even more. "Actually, I've been thinking about doing just that. Data's acting has improved a lot recently, and Zoe, you're always so comfortable on stage…"

"We have completely different acting styles," I protested, mostly because I didn't want them to notice the color I could feel rising to my cheeks. Cast against Data? That would be…dangerous. And interesting. And fun.

"Oh, that doesn't matter," the doctor said. "You're going away for the December holidays, aren't you?" We'd all been talking about how the various winter holidays were getting closer.

"Back to Centaurus, so I can be there when my new sibling arrives," I confirmed. "But I'll be back here by the middle of January, when the new semester starts."

"Hmm. I'll give it some thought. I might not even hold auditions for the principals, just cast based on availability. Geordi, you really should join us."

"I'm not the theatrical type," he said. "Really."

Ed and Beverly both began to work on him, convincing him otherwise, and I turned back to Guinan. "You didn't have to do that," I said.

"Do what?" she asked in that tone that combined mystique and innocence. "I think the two of you would play well opposite each other." She took a beat. "Of course, first you have to talk to each other, which is why I'm reminding you: he misses you…" She stretched out another pause. "Trust your connection to him."

But he broke my trust, I didn't say. Instead I just nodded and told her, "I'll try."

(=A=)

Stardate 44866.90

(Monday, 13 November 2367, 10:04 hours, ship's time)

The morning after the play, I left messages with my friends that I'd meet them in one of the lower decks mess halls for lunch, but that I still wouldn't be in Data's class. That was the morning Geordi dropped by to see me.

"Hey, Zo'," he greeted, the too-casual phrasing belied by the serious expression on his face. "Data asked me to bring this by for you," He retrieved my cello – in its gig bag – from where he'd leaned it against the bulkhead wall. "Mind if I come in?"

I shrugged, "I don't see how one truant student merits the attention of the chief engineer, but sure."

"Truant?" he asked, coming all the way into our living space, and holding out my cello. "We both know you're only skipping one class, and we both know why."

I took the instrument from him and set it against the wall outside my bedroom door. "If it matters, I've been getting his homework assignments from my friends. I've even been completing them. I just haven't been turning them in." I'd been planning to speak with Ms. Phelps about turning them into a sort of independent study project but hadn't gotten around to actually asking her.

"I figured as much."

"I'm that predictable? Even to people who barely know me?"

"Only in that you don't want to disappoint him." We both knew who 'him' referred to. It didn't require explanation.

"Did you really come all the way here just to deliver my cello? He could have asked me to come get it, or brought it here himself, or handed it off to my mother."

"Yeah, he could've," Geordi allowed. "But since I was coming down here anyway…"

"Wait…you were?" I felt like I was missing something.

"I've been reminded that I never followed through on the flitter lessons I promised for your birthday…and as your next birthday is creeping up on us…just a couple months now, isn't it?"

"A little over two," I confirmed. "I didn't follow up, either, though."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Any particular reason why not?"

"I guess I felt… I don't know… you went out of your way to make me feel included when he was… missing… that time, and you're always really nice to me, but I'm never sure if that's just you, or if you mean it."

"Haven't you heard? I'm the nicest guy on the ship. Unless you mis-calibrate a warp coil. Then I get tetchy."

"Tetchy? Really?" But I couldn't help grinning. And the truth was, flitter lessons would be better than moping around my quarters three mornings a week. "Okay, so, when do we start?"

"I'm free now," he said, matching my grin. "If you are."

"Give me five minutes to fix my hair and change shoes?" I asked. I was still wearing fuzzy bedroom slippers, even though I was otherwise dressed. "I mean, if you're really not too busy and important?" I used a posh British accent for the last four words.

He chuckled his reply: "Not at all."

(=A=)

"Okay, Zo', this is your basic atmospheric flitter cockpit. Commercially available vehicles, like what you'll be flying, are a little shinier – more comfort features – but they all fly the same. Or drive, in your case, since we're going to start with ground-mode. You ever been in a ground car?"

"Not a car exactly," I said. "When I wasn't touring with Dad, I was living on a farm. Farm kids get licensed for ground vehicles at fourteen on Centaurus. Mostly, I drive our Subaru Off-worlder, but I learned on a vintage nineteen-sixty-six Ford F-100 pickup truck."

His eyebrows lifted over his VISOR. "Nineteen-sixty-six? That's pre-Eugenics War. How is it even running? How did your family get it to Centaurus?"

"Please. If you know the right people and have enough cash, you can get anything anywhere… or you could when Centaurus was first being developed. The Harrises are one of the Founding Families, you know."

"I can see that," he drawled thoughtfully. "Those were internal combustion machines, weren't they?"

"Were. Are. Gran has a guy whose whole job is taking care of Bertha."

"Bertha?"

"The truck. Its name – her name? – is Bertha. Apparently, there's a tradition of naming pickup trucks. Anyway, the Enterprise has you; Bertha has Sven."

"I'm still trying to imagine you behind the controls – wait, those just had a steering wheel, right? - behind the wheel of a…" he trailed off, shaking his head.

I laughed. "It gets better." I made my voice sexy and flirtatious, but in an obviously teasing way. "Bertha has a manual transmission. I'm probably the only sixteen-year-old you know, who knows how to drive... stick."

As I'd hoped, he burst out laughing. "Are you like this around Data?" he asked when his laughter had subsided.

"I'm like this around everyone I'm comfortable with," I said. "Including Data… and before you ask, yes, most of the time, he gets it. Gets me. He doesn't laugh, obviously, but… sometimes there's a hint of something in his eyes, or in his face."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." He took a beat then refocused his attention on the controls of the holographic flitter. "Okay, Zo', let's do this."

Geordi was a patient teacher, and I was motivated to learn, so we completed my first lesson in ground mode, and even did the first step of flight mode – a vertical take-off and landing with zero forward momentum - and I didn't crash the simulator once.

Before we left the holographic flitter, though, the engineer grew serious again. "Look, Zoe… you should talk to Data. He told me how you left things the other night."

The smile I'd been wearing for the duration of our lesson softened into something wistful. "I knew you weren't just stopping by to honor a months-old birthday promise." I wasn't angry. I'd known from the moment of his arrival at my door that he'd been sent to check on me.

"Actually, I was," he said. "But I was also checking on you because you're the woman my best friend is in a relationship with."

"Am I?" I asked, with no malice, just naked confusion. "I mean… is that what Data and I have? A capital-R relationship?"

"You know you do."

"I've been trying to convince everyone – including him – including myself – that it's just a crush for so long… The truth is, it hasn't been just that for a long time, but there's still a lot of distance between 'want' and 'have,' and… I'm not entirely sure how to navigate it… with him."

"You could try telling him that," Geordi said. "Try navigating it together." He hesitated for a few seconds before adding, "You could also try learning to be angry with him without running away." The engineer sighed. "Listen, I'm the last person who should be giving relationship advice, but it seems like you two have talked about everything but exactly what you are to each other."

"He said he didn't want to define anything." I said. "He also said we weren't in a race and didn't have a deadline, and maybe that was true, before… everything… but now? Now everything's different and I don't want to put him in a position of having to reject me."

Inexplicably, he began to laugh.

"What?"

"You two…you two really are perfect for each other."

"Gee, thanks."

"No, I mean it. You both see everything in black and white. He thinks when you run it's because you don't want to be around him, and you think your relationship has to be all yes or all no."

"And what do you think?"

"I think you need to talk to him. And listen to him."

I stared across the cockpit at the latest in my growing posse of unofficial counselors. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Did he tell you what happened after Jenna broke up with him?"

I shook my head. "I only knew they'd ended it, and at the time, it wasn't appropriate to ask for details."

"He'd written a subroutine to handle their relationship, to help him find appropriate responses. When she ended it, he deleted the subroutine."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"So, what, if I don't go talk to him, he's going to delete me, too?"

"No. He can't."

"I'm sorry?" The cockpit was beginning to feel claustrophobic. Or I was beginning to feel so. "Why can't he?"

"Because, he… No. You know what? You'll have to ask him."

"Somehow, I knew you'd say that." I took a beat. "I promise I won't let it go much longer, okay? I mean, I miss him. Kind of a lot."

Geordi shook his head. "Okay."

I smiled. "Can we try that VTOL one more time?"

His laughter rang through the small space. "Sure, Zoe…sure…" But he hesitated before resetting the sim. "One more thing?"

"What's that, Geordi?"

"What color is the truck?"

My laughter was almost as loud as his had been. "Red, Geordi. Obviously."

(=A=)

Stardate 44867.28

(Monday, 13 November 2367, 13:25 hours, ship's time)

Life on a starship often follows the same patterns as life on an old-style film set: a lot of 'hurry up and wait.' The ship had been tasked with routine mapping and charting, checking of subspace buoys – what I referred to as 'the boring parts' for a couple of weeks, so it made sense that something was due to happen.

While I was at lunch with my friends, I learned that Data would be going on a brief away mission – one of those 'only an android can do this' sorts of assignments – and would be off the ship for several days.

- "I am hesitant to ask, because I do not know if this would infringe upon the 'break' that you requested, but would it be an inconvenience for you to look after Spot while I am gone?" he had requested, contacting me via comm-badge while my friends listened in on the conversation. "She is always most receptive to your presence."

I'd assured him that it wasn't.

- "I will send the details of when I expect to depart and return to your padd."

"Sure, no problem."

- "Very well. Data out."

Fortunately, we had a class starting five minutes later, so there wasn't time for my friends to ask questions.

(=A=)

Stardate 44873.63

(Wednesday, 15 November 2367, 21:00 hours, ship's time)

"Enough!" Dana announced, shoving her padd away from her. She, Annette and I were studying for a lit test the next morning. "We've been at this for two hours, and I don't think I can hold another description of classic Vulcan poetry in my head."

"It is getting late," Annette agreed. "Anyway, we have Zoe here captive, the boys are out doing… whatever… and I think it's time for some answers."

"Answers?" I asked, scooting backwards on Annette's bed until my back was against the bulkhead wall. We'd chosen to study in her bedroom rather than the family room to give her parents some space. "What answers?"

"Oh, I think you know, Zoe. First, you're not in our math tutorial anymore, then you're agreeing to babysit Commander Data's cat, even though it would 'infringe upon our break'? Zoe, couples take breaks." This was from Dana, who was usually the mildest of all of us.

I had the decency to blush. "We are not a couple."

"What about every Thursday night? His quarters? Videos?" Annette ticked each item off on her fingers. "Hon, you have a standing date with him. You're a couple."

"That's not true," I said softly. "At least… I don't think it is… but would it be so horrible if it was? I mean, yeah, he's almost thirty, and he's a line officer… but it's Data."

Annette moved so she was sitting next to me, her back against the bulkhead, as well. "If it were anyone else," she said, "It would be creepy and weird and a thousand kinds of wrong, but, it's Data, like you said, and we all know normal rules don't apply."

"Is this why you're not in class?" Dana asked. She wasn't on the bed but had been lying on her stomach on the floor, her feet kicked up behind her. As she spoke, she sat up, and faced us. "Because you're in a relationship now?"

"We're not in a relationship," I said quickly. "At least, not the way you mean. I'll confess to wanting one, but…this is about something else… a personal project. God! Why couldn't I fall for Ethan or Ray or even Rryl? It'd be so much easier."

"For the same reason you only wear vintage clothes and think of your comm-badge as a leash," Dana said softly. "You don't blend. You couldn't if you tried."

I shrugged. "Sure, I could… maybe… I never have tried."

Annette and Dana shared a look that clearly meant they didn't believe I could ever blend in with anything. Finally, Annette said, "You wouldn't be the first student on a starship to fall for an officer."

"What?"

"Oh, yeah, it made all the news nets when it happened. Remember a couple years ago when the Yamato went missing? I had friends on board. Kelly and Kathleen Berkshire. Our fathers were on the Ticonderoga together a few years ago."

Dana and I both remained silent, wanting to hear the rest of Annette's story.

"Anyway, Kathleen's my age, so she would have been sixteen then…and there was this huge scandal when people found out she was sleeping with the ship's security chief. Kelly was sent home to live with her grandparents, and Kath… well, I'm pretty sure she died with everyone else."

"That's horrible," I said. "But, what's the object lesson here? If you fall for an officer, you end up dead?"

"Nooo," Annette replied. "I didn't mean that at all. Just… if we all heard about Kathleen, it stands to reason it happens more often than you think. I mean, consider: we don't have a lot of options, and all of us have spent time with the older cadets and junior officers…"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, okay, but just because it's happened before doesn't mean… and anyway, I still maintain we're not a couple."

"Keep telling yourself that, Zoe-dear," Dana sing-songed. "Hey, that means I get to ask – since you're not part of a couple, why didn't you get closer to Ethan? I mean… Romeo and Juliet. On the balcony. All those long hours of rehearsal. That bedroom scene…"

Dr. Crusher had followed the cinematic tradition of adding a little bit of steamy action just before the actual scene when Romeo leaves Juliet's bedroom. I'd been a little bit embarrassed at first, but Ethan had been surprisingly sensitive about it. "The truth?" I asked, making sure they wanted to know. "It will shatter all your illusions of the infamous 'Ensign Loverboy.'"

"Do tell," Dana encouraged.

"His breath is the most horrible substance ever smelled by a humanoid nose," I revealed. "I actually started hiding boxes of mints around the set, so I could feed them to him before he kissed me."

My friends exchanged another look of disbelief. "You're just teasing us," Annette accused.

"I'm not; I swear." I said. "In fact, I have this theory that the real reason he's slept with almost every woman on the ship below the rank of full lieutenant is that his breath is so gross, no one will sleep with him a second time."

Annette hit me in the face with a pillow. "You're horrible!"

"Yes," I agreed, capturing the pillow from her hands and hitting her back. "But, I'm never boring."

(=A=)

Stardate 44878.93

(Friday, 17 November 2367, 19:30 hours, ship's time)

Two days later, my mother was on a date (and likely an overnight stay) with Ed, Dana and Josh were out being couply and cute, and Annette and I were in my room just hanging out. As so often happens with teenaged girls, we found ourselves taking stock of my wardrobe.

"Wow, Zoe, you take 'casual' to new extremes," Annette said, viewing the collection of vintage tees hanging in my closet. "I can see why you want to update a little."

"More than a little, I guess? I mean, still no desire to join the masses and dress in jumpsuits or unitards all the time –"

"That's an exaggeration and you know it," Annette interrupted. She herself was wearing a cornflower blue V-neck tunic over a slim skirt, and she looked amazing. But then, she always looked amazing. "If it's about everything being so form-fitting, you should know that the jeans you love so much do nothing to hide your shape."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not. It's about self-expression. And…" I referred to a conversation we'd had a few days before. "And not blending."

"You could wear skirts."

"I am not a skirt-person. I mean… I play the cello… it's awkward. Anything long enough to keep me from flashing people would make me look dumpy and frumpy and boring."

"Stop fishing for compliments, hon. You know you're none of those things."

"I need to look more mature," I said.

"Zoe?"

"I like my clothes, I'm comfortable in them. But they scream 'kid' and 'teenager' and I need to make my wardrobe a little more 'young adult.'"

"For Data?" She was teasing, but it stung a little.

"Not just for Data," I said. "Because while we're not a couple now, I want there to be an option to go there in the future. And to do that I need him to see me as a woman and not a little girl. Actually, I need everyone to see me that way. Um… you won't repeat that, right?"

"Not a word," she said, and then continued, "Hon, no one thinks of you as a little girl. Definitely not Data… but not anyone else, either. Trust me. I was sitting in front of Ray Barnett and his friends at Romeo and Juliet, and, aside from Ray, it wasn't your acting skills they were talking about." She went to sit on my bed, leaving me to stare at my clothes alone. "Have you heard from T'vek lately?" she asked casually. Too casually.

"We chatted over subspace last week, but it was just catching up. Why?"

"You know the Berlin and the Enterprise are going to be in pretty close proximity for the next little while – close enough to visit."

"And you're telling me this, why?" I pulled a white blouse out of the closet. No. Too virginal. I put it back and chose a blue one. It was a keeper and was moved to the front of the closet. "We broke up within weeks after he got PCS'd. He's been dating, like, three or four girls at a time."

"True," she said. "But you're still friends, aren't you? And T'vek had this way of shaking you up a little."

"I've been shaken up recently," I told her. Apparently Guinan didn't own the copyright on being cryptic. "Trust me, I've been shaken up a lot."

"Zoe…?" She trailed off and was quiet for almost a minute. Finally, she asked, "Zoe… what's the truth? What's really going on with you and Data?"

I joined her, sitting on my bed cross-legged and facing her. "You cannot – you cannot tell anyone about this. I mean it. This isn't our usual stuff about who likes whom and which of the boys makes the best pirate king – I still vote for Tev, by the way – it's… it's real."

"I promise," she said. "I absolutely promise."

"Okay," I said. "Do you remember how I was really spooked and strange when I got back from San Francisco?"

"You said you had a stalker."

"It's more than that. Back in February, when I disappeared on the space station?" I waited for her non-verbal confirmation before I went on. "I was actually following someone I'd thought was Data, because we'd argued during my music lesson, and I wanted to apologize for being a brat. Except it wasn't Data; it was his brother, Lore."

"I'd heard he had an evil twin," Annette murmured. "Go on?"

So, I told her about Lore kissing me and Lore stalking me and Lore finding me on my way home, and how - and why – I'd really pierced my tongue. And then I told her the rest… how I'd actually been staying with Data that first week back and –"

"Wait, you were living with him? I mean, living with him?" she said. "Zoe, that's big."

"It wasn't like that. He doesn't sleep. Aside from his cat, I'm pretty sure I'm the ONLY person who's ever used his bed. By the way, did you know senior officers have full-on water showers? Anyway, we spent a lot of time together, and in order to get - in order to get Lore's tongue stud out…"

"Oh, my god, you kissed Data!"

"He kissed me back," I said softly. "And since then we've been…I don't know, it's like we're doing this weird dance where one day we're really intimate, and the next day we back away – or I back away – and people like Geordi and Guinan and Counselor Troi keep telling me not to worry, and just to trust the connection we seem to have."

"Do have," she said. "We all see it." A light dawned in her eyes. "So, the reason you're not in class is because you two are…" She didn't finish her sentence, but her eyebrows lifted.

"We're not," I insisted. "Actually, I don't know what we are. Counselor Troi said we should spend more time together doing public things so people get that we're just friends, except…"

"Something happened that shut the door on 'just friends,'" my friend guessed.

"Yeah. The Saturday before the play…" I told her the rest – not the intimate details, and certainly not the bit about Data having an 'off' switch – but enough. "And the thing is, even without having kissed him - again – too much has happened – I was tinkering in his head – to go back and pretend to just be a student." I hesitated, "And then I told him I needed a break from… everything."

Annette moved on my bed and gathered me into a hug. "No wonder you've been moody and weird. You've been dealing with so much."

"I wanted to tell you all. I really did."

"No, I know. But you couldn't."

"You won't repeat it…?"

"Of course not."

"I know this is going to sound really weird, Annette, but… I miss him."

"It's not weird," she said, and grinned. "Actually, I'm pretty sure he misses you, too."

"Oh, really?"

"Really," she said. "Hey, have I told you the latest news from Wes?"

We talked long into the night, replicating junk food at regular intervals. It felt good to have someone else in on the other life I was apparently living. It felt even better to just hang out with a friend.

(=A=)

Stardate 44891.12

(Wednesday, 22 November 2367, 06:15 hours, ship's time)

The incessant pinging of the comm-system in our living room woke me hours before my alarm, and I raced to answer it before it woke Mom, as well, before I remembered she was already on duty. When I checked, it, though, it wasn't a live message, but a string of recordings and text-only notes beginning with my test results from the college entrance exams and including an invitation to a college fair a week or so away at Starbase 84, and whole library's worth of digital brochures from colleges and universities throughout the Federation with recruitment ads.

I forwarded the test results to my entire family, the fair invitation to my mother, and, since I'd also had a message from Geordi cancelling flitter lessons that morning for 'personal reasons,' I picked up my cello and worked on that Faure Pavane that had been the last thing I'd played with Data. It was a haunting piece... full of longing and agony. I kept at it for about ninety minutes, and the time spent on music helped me find the kind of inner peace I'd been sorely lacking.

I spent the rest of the morning browsing through the brochures, killing the time until noon, and the weekly lunch in Ten-Forward with my friends, who had also received their exam results, and were uniformly miffed when I wouldn't share mine, explaining, "There's someone I have to tell first."

(=A=)

I went to my afternoon classes, met with Counselor Troi, and found myself, padd in hand staring at Data's door at about five-thirty that evening. I didn't know if he'd taken me off his privacy lock, or not, but the door opened for me when I reached for the door-chime, and Spot came zooming out, only to stop and weave between my feet when she realized who I was.

I bent down to scoop her into my arms – tricky, while still holding the padd – and carried her inside, calling, "Data? Are you here?"

There was no answer, and while the room was softly lit, the way he typically left it so that his cat wouldn't spend her days in total darkness, his console was shut down. As soon as the door wooshed closed behind me, I let Spot jump back to the floor.

The scent of linseed oil filled the room, and the familiar lines of the space had been changed - altered, I realized, by at least a dozen canvases. Paintings. "Computer, increase room illumination to eighty percent of standard."

The lights came up and my breath went out of me, all at once, because they weren't Data's usual 'processing' paintings. They weren't people he'd lost, or struggled with, or couldn't save, or wanted to kill (but didn't). They were all… me.

The one still on the easel was me with my cello, looking up with a slightly annoyed expression, but the others… me as Juliet, me cuddling Spot…. All of them showed the softer side of me, but the one that really struck me was a painting of me sitting in the corner of his couch, my hair obviously damp, a cup of tea cradled in my hands…"Oh, god…" It was our very first video night, from that week in September. I need a dose of normal, I'd told him, and he'd given it to me, picking apart that film, keeping me distracted, making sure I felt safe and cared for.

The couch was obscured by the paintings, so I left my padd on his desk and sat on the floor, cross-legged. I knew I wasn't supposed to be there. I knew I was invading Data's privacy. But I'm still on his privacy lock. I knew we still had a lot of work to figure out what we were and where we were going and how fast. In that moment, I didn't care.

I don't remember how long I sat on Data's floor. Probably, it was about an hour. He came home for Spot's feeding time and found me there. "Zoe…?"

I didn't stand, just looked up at him. "Is this how you see me?"

His answer was a simple, "Yes," delivered with a very slight widening of his eyes and lifting of his brows. He came closer and extended a hand down toward me. I uncrossed my legs, took his hand, and let him help me up. "Do you like them?"

"Like them? Data, they're - they're amazing." I softened my tone. "You're amazing." I hadn't let go of his hand. Or, actually, he hadn't let go of mine. "Promise me you'll do something with these? Show them, even if it's just in the next art show in the arboretum?"

"I will do so."

"Data… I really can't be your student now."

"No," he agreed. "We have moved far beyond that dynamic."

"Pretty sure we shut the door on 'just friends,' as well."

"Because we are physically intimate." He made it a statement.

"No. Well, yes, but not only that." I took a breath. "I mean, Data, those are not the paintings someone who's only a friend would ever do. I mean – there isn't one of them in which I'm anything but fully dressed, and yet, there's something really naked, and in most of them, it's obvious that I'm looking at you." I paused, then asked, "Could you move a couple of them, though, just so we can sit?"

He released my hand and went to move some of the paintings. I retrieved my padd and went to the replicator for two cups of lemon-mint tea, then went to my spot on the couch. Data came to join me a moment later.

"May I speak first?" he asked. I nodded, and he continued. "When I asked for your assistance with Lore's chip, I believed it to be a necessary act. I did not anticipate the distress I would cause you, or that events would cause me to betray your trust. I believe you know that I would not – indeed I cannot – intentionally cause you harm?" Again, I nodded. "I am sorry that I did hurt you, and that in doing so I cause a rift in our…" he hesitated briefly before uttering the word, "relationship."

"It wasn't all you," I said. "I knew you were manipulating me. I let you do it. I actually kind of like the notion that even you have a tiny bit of a dark side, and I hadn't realized before exactly how many layers of masks that you actually wear, but… but that's a subject for another time. Just like discussing the fact that you made some promise to my mother is a subject for another time, although," and I smiled at him, "she did help me realize that the fact that you'd even discussed our possible future meant you'd given me – given us – some thought."

"I have," he said softly, "considered many possible permutations of our relationship."

I held up a hand. "Don't list them right now, okay?"

"I will not," he agreed, "If you will do something for me."

"Tell me?"

"Please do not run from me the next time we kiss, even if I cause you to become angry or upset immediately afterward. It… confuses me."

"Is there going to be a 'next time'?" I asked, surprised that he was being so forthright. I wondered if he'd had a little 'counseling' from Geordi as well.

"Do you not want there to be?" Had there been the merest trace of a hint of a smirk in that question?

"I want a lot of things, Data, but even if I'm no longer your student, I am still sixteen, at least for the next two months, and…" I wanted to jump right to what I'd discussed with Geordi, but there was something else I had to address with him first, something I hadn't had the words to say before my intensive time in counseling. "Part of why I needed a break is that I felt like in asking me to help you with that chip, and then in putting me in a position where I had to deactivate you, you betrayed the trust we'd built as friends who were moving - slowly, but still moving - toward… more."

"That was never my intention," he said.

"I understand that now. And like I said, I let you convince me to do it. And if we're going to be friends who kiss now, that can't happen again."

"No," Data agreed soberly. Then he promised, "It will not."

"Okay."

We were both quiet for a while, sipping our tea, and settling into each other's company again. I knew our conversation wasn't finished, but there was something restful in the silence.

It was Data who spoke first, with a note of vulnerability in his tone. "Is being 'friends who kiss' something you want, Zoe?"

I thought about what I'd said to Geordi, what he'd told me to repeat. "I want a lot of things, Data. But there's a big gulf between what I want and what I can have, not to mention that you have to want it, too."

"An apt description," he observed. "I believe," he continued, "that we will have to navigate that gulf together."

"I'm good with that," I said. I picked my teacup up from the coffee table drained what was left and put it back down next to my padd. "Oh! I forgot the real reason I came here."

"You did not come here with the intention of changing the parameters of our relationship?"

"No. I mean, yes, of course I did, but the primary impetus was this." I picked up my padd and handed it to him. "I'm sure you know this already, because you had all my friends in class today, but we got our boards results this morning."

Data looked at the information on the padd and then back at me. "You have scored in the 98th percentile," he said. "Zoe, that is excellent."

"Yes," I beamed. "It is. Now read the score breakdown and accept credit where it's due."

"Your math score is twenty points higher than your verbal score." His eyebrows lifted in apparent surprise.

I laughed softly. "I bet you never expected that. I know I didn't."

"No, but it is a pleasant surprise."

"For both of us," I said, laughing again. "It's traditional that good scores are toasted with a family dinner. I haven't actually spoken to my mother yet, today, but…" I trailed off, realizing that the tea I'd drunk had created an urgent need. "… um, can we table this for a moment, and may I use your bathroom?"

"You have always been free to do so. I will wait."

I excused myself to answer nature's call and took time to splash water on my face. Staring into the mirror, I realized I looked happy for the first time in a long while. I made a face at my reflection, then opened Data's medicine cabinet. He was still using the slightly scented pomade that I'd switched with his unscented container months before, and that fact made me laugh again.

When I returned to main living area, Data was completing a comm-call. "Very well, we will meet you there. Data out," he said. Then he turned to me. "I have taken the liberty of contacting your mother on your behalf and asking her to meet us in Ten-Forward for your celebratory dinner in thirty minutes. Professor Benoit will also be attending." He paused for a moment, looking at me. "Is that… o-kay?"

He never would be able to utter that word smoothly, and I thought it was adorable.

"More than okay," I said. I rejoined him on the couch, but instead of sitting in the corner, I sat down closer to him. "I need to ask you something a little awkward."

"Please, do so."

"Is it true that you wrote a subroutine to handle your relationship with Jenna, and that you deleted it when you and she… ended things?

He lowered his eyes, then raised them to my face again. "It is true."

"Geordi said you couldn't delete me that way; is that also true?"

"It is."

"Why?"

"I did not write a subroutine to handle my responses to you, Zoe," he said softly. "Instead, responses to you have been incorporated into every aspect of my programming."

Every aspect? "Oh," I said numbly. "Okay. That's good to know."

"We must leave now," he said, "if we are to meet your mother and the professor on time." He rose from the couch, once again offering me his hand to help me up. I was suddenly glad that I'd worn one of the outfits Annette and I had picked out when we had been revamping my closet.

At the door, I halted. "Data, wait," I said. He looked at me with 'query' all over his face, and I smiled softly, "That break I said I needed? I think it's over now."

His response surprised me, because it was completely non-verbal. He raised his left hand and lifted my chin just a little bit. Then he bent his head forward and kissed me. It was soft, and tender, and spoke volumes, and was over too soon, but the taste of him, the fact that it had come from him, still left me breathless.

I knew we still had to figure out the 'rules' for this new version of us. I knew we still had issues to work through. But for the first time, I also knew – really knew – that we could do it. We weren't a couple, exactly, but we were definitely an us.

"Yeah," I said, feeling my heart racing in my chest. "Break's definitely over."

Notes: Revised 10 March 2018. Spans the episode The Mind's Eye although the reference is incredibly oblique. Now all of you have confirmation of something Zoe never made clear to T'vek: Sven is a real person. Farm kids getting driver's licenses at fourteen is something I stole from my husband's own life. He grew up in rural South Dakota, and was driving (legally, on a special farm permit) at 13.

Special thanks go to Javanyet, Moonlady, Phangirl28, and saya4haji for their specific help, suggestions, and general support.

To learn what Data was up to during their break, check out the one-shots "Three Little Words" and "Musings on a Saturday Morning."

Oh, and yes, FONDEST IMAGININGS is now officially not in compliance.