Chapter 26 –– A Little Piece of Heaven…
AN: My thanks to those who alerted, favored and wrote a review. I truly do appreciate it. Thanks to Ines123, MaidenAlice, DramionEverlarklover26, Shellibug, jroseley, Lhaine07, jessdontlie, SnapSnapeSevRusSnape, Aqua Rules, Mspriss523, LACR, 32sheshe, J, pumpkinking5, brandie2007, Cassie Sharpie, Liabelen10, and Nai987. This chapter has Haymitch, Katniss and Peeta's POVs. And a reminder that at this point the rating to this story will change from R to M for swearing and sexual references. Rating of M will be posted in the future chapters. You've been warned. Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins.
Haymitch POV ––
One Day before Rye's Wedding
I stood on the train platform with my hands deep in pant pockets as I waited for the mid-morning transport for supplies and mail delivery. Even after all these years I still managed to get stares and whispers from District 12 folks. I've known most of them all my life and yet I still felt like a foreigner, a pariah in my own district. My reputation as the only victor for 12 made me loved and feared at the same time. No one messed with me with the exception of one Merchant who from the corner of my eye was headed towards me. There was venom in her eyes and fire in her veins.
"Abernathy, you son of a bitch," Evelyn Mellark screamed.
"Hello, Evelyn Mellark," I said back in a cool and detached manner. She narrowed her flinty blue eyes back. "Oh, wait should I be calling you Evelyn Tisdale now."
"How dare you stick your alcoholic, wasteful life in my business," she sneered as she stood a mere foot away from me. Her tone was harsh but low and firm. She looked around her to make sure no one was staring at her. If there was one thing that she hated it was her personal life broadcasted in public. It was ironic that she confronted me in a platform full of District 12 inhabitants. "You had no right to meddle with business that doesn't concern you." Her voice low so no one could hear her.
I towered over her small frame. "If it has anything to do with Jimmy's boys especially Peeta it is my business." In truth I had always been fond of the Mellark boys especially the youngest. I saw myself in him––the boy I once were before my reaping.
"You still had no right to interfere," she insisted. "Especially with the welfare of my only grandchild."
"You think I was going to stand by and let you take Tyler away from Peeta?" I retorted back. "He is a far better parent than you will ever be."
"He's only sixteen," she seethed back in anger. "What does he know about raising a child?"
"A lot more than you. I have complete trust and faith that Tyler Mellark will never know physically or emotional abuse. He will never feel unwanted or unloved. He will always know that he is precious and worthy of love and family. Peeta will give that to Tyler." I listed Peeta's capability as a single parent. He may be sixteen but he has more heart than anyone I have ever known. And to think…no to know that he was a target of abuse for years.
"He will turn Tyler to be just like him," she scoffed. "Sniveling, weak and lazy boy."
"I pray and hope to the heavens that he does end up like Peeta," I retaliated. "Better him than you, you cold hearted bitch. Peeta is hardworking, strong and kind qualities you lack as human being let alone a woman and mother." I could trade barbs with her all day but I was in a hurry and losing my patience.
"I bet you were also instrumental in denying me the right to attend Rye's wedding. You have all been conspiring against me," she conjectured.
"Oh no, Evelyn," I chortled. "I didn't have to suggest that at all. Rye and Delly made that decision all by themselves. You fail to realize that they are old enough to do and say whatever they want even if it means excluding you to one of the happiest days of their lives."
"I'm his mother. I'm entitled––"
"No, Evelyn. You lost that right the moment you laid a hand on those good boys," I reminded her. "You are entitled to nothing nor deserve anything. And if you have the gall to show up uninvited to the wedding, I will make it my mission to ruin your life here in 12."
"What have I ever done to you?" she simpered. "I haven't done anything to deserves this treatment."
"Me, nothing," I said. "The only good thing you have ever done was give birth to three remarkable young men. Jimmy and those boys were the best things that had ever happened to you. And you didn't appreciate what you had." I caught sight of Peeta and Katniss. They were headed towards the building where mail was distributed. Evelyn was too busy feeling sorry for herself to see them. I waited until they both entered the building.
"Do yourself a favor," I recommended. "Leave 12, start a new life elsewhere. You are not wanted here. You've alienated the only people who loved and cared about you even though you have emotionally and physically abused them. Leave soon if you know what's good for you." I felt sorry for her for a few seconds as tears tracked own her face. There was pain and anger but no remorse in her posture.
Back at the Victors Village I took a short nap. Life was quiet and uneventful. Thank God. My sense of awareness and peace of mind was frayed each time I got a call from Jimmy or Garrett. It felt as though both Peeta and Katniss became my surrogate children and whenever something happened to them my stomach was in knots.
After my first arena, my life was not my own. Falling in love, marriage and children I forfeited by choice. I couldn't let anyone in my life knowing with certainty that they would be used against me. I loved one woman in my life. One I lost even as I protected her from myself and from Snow. She was lost to me as I never sought a relationship with her. It was dangerous to form any attachments with me yet…I was drawn to Jimmy and his family, especially Peeta. I saw in him, myself––the boy I once was at his age full of hope, vigor and courage. My innocence was ripped from me never believing that any good could come out this wretched world. My solution was to hide behind alcohol and coat myself with barb words and developed a surly and hard exterior.
Then, I saw something that lifted and raised my hopes and dreams. That there was still good in people, that there was a future not for me but for Panem. I saw a young boy from the opposite side of the tracks defy evil and tyranny in the name of love for a girl who didn't know his existence. He was a breath of fresh air and sun on my skin. He was an anomaly.
Peeta saw through me. As mean and harsh as I could be he returned my vitriol with kindness, patience and understanding. I was suspicious with his character at first then realized that he was genuine and true. How could I not want to preserve and protect Peeta as his own father failed to protect him?
A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts. I groaned and listened as I felt my bones crack and ache while I sat up from my chair. "Who the hell is disturbing––"
At my doorstep stood Jay dressed in his civilian clothing not hiding behind his other persona. "Good evening, Haymitch," he greeted me. I noticed he held two six packs of beer in his hands.
"What are you doing here?" I asked in an impatient manner. Jay looked me over from head to toe. His scrutiny made me feel uneasy.
"You look…" My brows furrowed as I waited for him to finish his sentence. "You clean up nice. Were you expecting…female company?"
"Shut up, you asshole," I blustered back. These days I bathed and dressed myself. I also avoided drinking myself to a stupor just in case…anyone needed me. Staying sober was imperative.
"Did you forget that we have scheduled a 'game of cards' tonight?" 'Oh, yeah.' I had forgotten about our meeting this evening.
I have been absent from my home close to a week. With Jay's help we looked around to make sure there were no listening devices. We found one hidden in my monitoring room inside a light fixture. As a precaution, I turned on my video monitor and turned to a music channel.
An hour later, Nate, Wayne, Jimmy and Jay were knee deep in our 'card game' as we sat in my kitchen. Cards and beer cans littered the table.
"So you were able to communicate with Gale in 13?" Nate asked.
"Kid made it safe, thank God, and I was able to formulate the safest route in case we needed an evacuation," Jay added. "It's going to be hard to move thousands of people in the terrain but we have no choice."
"That's a lot of bodies, Jay," Wayne reiterated. "How can we immobilize all our people without being detected? We're basically leading the Capitol to the front steps of District 13."
"I thought of that too," I voiced my concern. "The Capitol doesn't know that 13 exists and we're basically leading bread crumbs to follow."
"My only concern right now is that do we have what it takes to move everyone quickly without alerting the Peacekeepers," Jay said. "We need to somehow get everyone evacuated."
"Well, we can't go around telling people to pack in case of an emergency," I said. "People around here can't keep a secret."
"Who can we trust?" Nate asked. "I mean it's bad enough that we kept Heath out of our plans. I know he knows something is going on––something big, but how long can we keep this from him. He's the goddamn mayor."
"And the first link to the Peacekeepers. He needs deniability," Jay stated. "Listen, I trust him with my life but getting him involved will complicate matters. We need to recruit more people we can trust. We need more people to help us incase the worse happens." When he conveyed his concerns of a possible attack on 12, I laughed at his face. Snow wouldn't dare eliminate a whole district. It wasn't a good political move. He would lose 2 tributes in his games. The possibility of genocide was unfathomable. He needed the coal for fuel. However, since the dog attacks I realized that Jay's concerns had merit. The attack was just a warning. If Snow became desperate who knew what his next move would be? He was scared of Peeta and his growing popularity. Eliminating him became impossible. However, in light of all that I realized no one was safe in 12.
"So how do we do this without alerting the Peacekeepers and Snow?" Nate inquired.
"Well, I've been out and about in the Seam," Jay announced. "I can positively guarantee you that there are those in the Seam ready to join the rebellion."
"I'm not surprised," Wayne admitted. "They are treated the worse. I don't blame them to wanting to change things. Unlike the Merchants. I can tell you, you will be hard pressed to find anyone in the town willing to give up the life they have now."
"That's because they can't see the bigger picture," Nate admitted. "If you keep your head down and eyes turned, why change the life you have now for a possibility that the rebellion will fail? The repercussions and consequences are unimaginable."
"And what kind of life do they have now?" I returned. "Waiting each year for their children to be reaped. Not having the freedom to live our lives as we see fit as some tyrant rule their lives–– deciding who lives who dies. What kind of life is that?" A Merchant's life wasn't glamorous or easy but it was better than being a Seam. I hated their cowardice and indifference that their lives mattered more.
"Everyone should have the right to live a life without the fear of being reaped," Jay said. "Listen this rebellion isn't just about the games. It's about living a life without fear, from trying to figure out how to get food the on the table for your family to eat."
"You're preaching to the wrong people, Jay," I reminded him.
"Then I need to get my message across," he stated. "It needs to be said every day of every hour."
We all sighed. "Is 13 going to help us or hinder us?" I asked. He informed me of his conversation with Alma Coin. Now he was butting heads with the president and a group who was supposed to be our ally. Coin and Jay's political agenda and strategy differed. She had a different agenda––one I cannot see yet. Throughout our conversation, Jimmy was quiet. He didn't utter a word.
"Jimmy, you okay?" I asked.
"Hmm…yeah I'm fine Haymitch," he said. I wasn't convinced.
"Isn't Rye at his bachelor party right now?"
"Yeah, one of his classmates dragged him out of the bakery." Rye was sleeping at the bakery for the night. It was tradition that the groom wasn't supposed to see the bride before the wedding. It was an odd tradition that didn't make any sense to me. "Peeta is at the bakery doing the last finishing touches for the cake." He sighed. "He didn't really want to attend the party."
I didn't blame him. It's tradition that the boys would strip and run naked in the slagheap as the last parting act of bachelorhood. I can't say I ever had the opportunity to be that reckless. Nor could I see Peeta. "Besides, he's got too much to do anyway." As I looked across the table the tension between Jay and Jimmy was apparent, they had not addressed each other when Jimmy arrived.
"Anyway, we're on a holding pattern then," I announced returning to our previous conversation.
"I don't like it," Jay voiced his opinion. "Coin expects me to sit on my ass and wait for her to make a decision. I didn't risk Gale's life so she can tell me what to do."
"We knew that we would have problems once we confirmed 13's existence. You have to find a way to work with her," I suggested. "We can't be butting heads with our only ally, the only ally that can supply us with weapons."
"Well, I also reminded her that I have the men and ear to Panem," Jay said. "Our rebels don't know her, they follow me."
"This is not good, Jay," Wayne said. "I know we need them but if they are problematic, how are to join forces if we're already having resistance."
"At least we have an idea what is out there beyond District 12. From the footage 13 sent me, if we need to evacuate 12 we know that there are means to survive." He explained the terrain, weather and food available in the lush green forest. "Listen, Coin knows that she needs us more than we need them. Fire power or not, you cannot have a war without people. We have the advantage." I was already forming a headache thinking about Coin. She was 13's leader. Between the MockingJay and President Coin it was obvious who Panem would follow since Jay was visible and known. Panem didn't know Coin or of her and District 13's existence.
"What can be done to sway her to listen to you," Nate asked.
"I have an idea but…" Jay looked at Jimmy. "I need help." I didn't like the look in his eyes. I knew that look. "I need Peeta. If I can recruit Peeta to join us, he's gained so much popularity and adoration. All over the district, people want to see and meet him. I need to have him stand by my side if we do this."
Jimmy shook his head. "No, no, no. Are you out of your fucking mind? He's already a big target," he spat. "Haven't you done enough harm and damage to my son? It's because of you––"
"Jimmy, calm down," I told him as he stood up almost upturning the table. Bottles shook and cards flew across the table.
"Calm down, calm down," he repeated large veins appeared on his forehead. His eyes round with anger and disbelief. "He…" He pointed at Jay. "He already used Peeta and now he wants to use him again? Parade him around like Snow did when he was at the Capitol?" Jimmy sneered in anger and disgust. "Why don't you use Katniss while you're at it?"
"She's already a target as well. I heard sources from the mansion that Snow wanted to take her too but…he thought she was a lesser threat. She was just Peeta's girlfriend––the one he defended. But Snow realized that he was wrong because she is a threat as well," Jay admitted. "Their relationship as the Star Crossed lovers has an impact in Panem. Snow is trying to downplay their popularity but it's growing. He won't touch Katniss for now, but if Peeta makes the wrong move…"
"So you'll sacrifice two young lives for this rebellion?" Nate asked in horror. "Jay, how you can ask that of them? They don't even know what's going on."
"That is why, we should bring then in," Jay suggested. "Tell them who we are and what we doing, tell them what is our cause and what is at stake."
"So you want to guilt them into joining us?" Jimmy asked. His face grew redder by the minute. I have never seen Jimmy display so such anger and self-control.
"Listen, if I don't have control of them, Coin will. She doesn't care who they are but will use Peeta and Katniss any way she see fits. Do you understand?"
"Then if we bring them in, they have full disclosure," I demanded. "They can't ask them to volunteer and risk their lives without knowing who they are fighting with. They need to know that we trust them and they can trust us."
"I don't think that's a good idea," Jay said.
"You're asking them to risk their lives, MockingJay," I stated. "You owe them your trust and honesty. You can't hide your disguise forever." We all agreed to keep his identity a secret to everyone involved in the rebellion. Jay couldn't afford to be a wanted and marked man. His family and district would pay for his actions and defiance. At the time it made sense, but if we were to bring in Peeta and Katniss, it wasn't fair to them to fight for him and not now whom they were fighting beside.
"And an apology as well," Jimmy said. "He owes my son an apology for putting him through hell."
"It's time, Jay," I repeated. "It's just time. I know the sacrifice your making as well. We all do." I looked at everyone. Jay nodded his head in a silent agreement. "So we all agree to recruit Peeta and Katniss, let them decide for themselves if they want to join us?" Everyone nodded their heads.
"When do you want to do this?" Nate asked.
"After the reaping," Jay said his voice low and soft. He turned to Jimmy. "I am sorry Jimmy. If it wasn't for me Peeta would never had been targeted. It was because of me Snow wants him. It wasn't my intention to put him in the limelight like that––to place his life and your family in danger. That Graham is dead because of me." Jimmy's knees buckled as he placed his hands on top of the table to prevent him from falling.
He sighed. "You have to believe me that I did not give Coin permission to use Peeta in the last broadcast. I didn't know they were going to do that. I swear I didn't."
However Jimmy, he did the one thing I never thought he'd do. "I can't…I can't forgive you for what you did," he said as he sat back down. Underneath his anger was sorrow. "As the leader of the rebellion, I understand why you did it. I'd follow you to war. But as a father I can't forgive for putting Peeta in harm's way and for Graham. It was bad enough what Cray did to Peeta, but you…you used him."
Jay understood the error of his ways, what he did had good intentions. Unfortunately it backfired on him. They were friends Jimmy and Jay but now their friendship shattered. I had to fix it if we were to get along because that kind of resentment festered in your soul. I turned to Jimmy. "Listen, Jimmy," I started. "I'm not taking sides." He scoffed. "Just let me say this, Jay made a mistake––a costly one Graham paid for it with his life and Peeta is still paying for it. He's sorry for what he did." Jimmy looked away.
"I don't have any children, but I liked to think that if I had sons. I would like them to have turned out like Peeta, Rye and Graham. They turned out to be really remarkable young men to be proud of." He smiled. "But what's done is done. We can't turn back the clock. We need to move forward and make sure that Peeta is protected and kept safe from Snow. What I'm going to tell you is that it isn't Jay's fault, really."
"How can you say that?" Jimmy jeered. "Look what's happened to him since the first broadcast?"
"I know what happened but you need to realize that it wasn't just Snow who saw the video." I needed to explain this to clarify who really was at fault. "If you look at the video, Peeta was not the only person who was tortured. There were others men, women and families punished and treated unjustly. You have to ask yourself, why was Peeta singled out. Amongst all the footage, his was brief and not even displayed prominently yet he was singled out. Why?"
"What are you trying to say?" Jimmy said in an impatient manner.
"What I'm saying is that Peeta was chosen amongst all the people in that video. He was specifically singled out and was focused on. Snow would have cared less. He wouldn't have focused on Peeta unless he was lead to him." Everyone was quiet. Ever since Peeta became the object of Snow's attention, I couldn't for the life of me figured out how. "Don't you understand? Yes, I'll admit that Jay fucked up but his intention wasn't to put Peeta in danger. It was to let Panem see the injustice and horror that was happening in all the districts." I paused. "When I was at the Capitol, I asked Caesar Flickerman why he chose Peeta and focused on him."
"What did he say?" Nate asked.
"Caesar saw the video and focused on Peeta as someone who was being treated unjustly by a crime he didn't commit," I said. "He didn't do anything at first but then saw the sensationalism it would cause in the Capitol––a new story for the Capitolites to focus on before the next Hunger Games."
"Disgusting," Jimmy spat.
"My point is there are forces out there besides Snow we have to worry about. The districts doesn't know what's going on. Our rebellion is fractured as we need to unity with all the districts. Thirteen knows we have the edge right now. I hate to admit that adding Peeta and Katniss is a solution. It's a risky and dangerous one. We need the MockingJay to be supported by Peeta; Panem needs to see him stand by the MockingJay. Peeta has a lot of clout right now and even 13 knows it. Coin will be forced to…cooperate with Jay as long as Peeta is beside him." Jimmy gasped. "Jimmy, your boy, your sixteen year old son is an inspiration. If he stood next to the Jay, we have a chance to unite Panem against Snow."
Jay looked at Jimmy. "I'm really sorry that I placed Peeta in this position. But I'm trying to protect him. I know what it costed him, but Coin knows what we have. She wants Peeta just as much as Snow," he explained. "She never said it out loud but hinted to me to hand Peeta over to her. For his protection."
"You never allow that to happen, Jay," Jimmy spat.
" I swear to you, I won't," Jay vowed. "I know I've hurt Peeta––"
"You're not the only one." Jimmy interjected. He looked uneasy. "I hurt him too but in the worse way. I failed him as a father when I didn't protect him from his mother. Then, I told Peeta to break up with Katniss. It wasn't right or fair of me to add more pain and suffering. I just…he's gone through so much. Peeta has been in love with her for so long and when I see how she is with him. I just wanted to protect him from any more pain and harm." From what I heard Peeta was keeping his distance from Katniss. Maybe it was best that she stayed away from him.
"But in separating them, I realized that I caused more harm than good. It was me that inflicted pain and misery. He loves her and I broke them apart."
"Well, it didn't helped that she ran," I snickered.
"I was just so angry and I took it out on…her," Jimmy admitted. "I just hope that they work things out."
"What do you mean," I asked. "I thought they were done from the last time I spoke to Peeta."
"They talked and he asked her for time," Jimmy explained.
"Okay I think I heard enough of the teenage drama," Wayne chortled.
"It's important that they settle this matter," Jay added. "If we are going to tell Peeta and Katniss the truth. I don't want their problems interfering with the rebellion." I shivered at the thought. We didn't need that kind of turmoil within the ranks. "I don't want them to be distracted." I scoffed whether they got back together or not; they were going to be distracted by either the drama of their breakup or by their teenage hormones. Everything was a mess and getting out of control.
An hour later, my body was slumped against the door after I walked everyone out. Just as I exhaled a deep breath, someone knocked on my door. It was past curfew so I was surprised and startled by my late night visitor. I slid opened my door to find Peeta with a bag in his hand. "Peeta? What are you doing here?" I inquired as I pulled him into my house. "It's past curfew."
"I know," he sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "I was really careful that no one saw me." I backhanded the back of his head lightly to reprimand him for being so cavalier. Why risk more trouble and harm trying to sneak over here to see me. The kid was asking for trouble.
"I can't believe you," I bellowed. "Did your forget about the drones?" I reminded him. The kid is a treasure but sometimes, I wondered where his mind is.
"I didn't think about that," he admitted.
"Well, of course you didn't. Will you please care to explain to me why you risked being caught to come over here?" He looked sheepish as he shifted his feet.
"I just brought Rye back from his party and well…he was out like light as soon as he hit his bed and…" He paused. "I'm sorry, if interrupted you and came uninvited." He stepped back as if to leave. I grabbed his forearm.
"Oh, no. You have to stay now. I can't risk you being found after past curfew," I reprimanded him. "Why did you come?"
"I…finished the cake," he said. "I just couldn't stay at the bakery. I miss Graham and with Rye getting married to tomorrow. It was too much for me to stay."
"Shit, Peeta," I exclaimed. "Did you at least tell your dad you were coming here? You didn't sneak out, did you?" This kid was trying to kill me. "I mean he just got you back and you know he's going to freak if he find out you're not home."
"Yes, I told him I was heading over here," Peeta mentioned. "He was upset that I wouldn't stay at home but I told him why. I couldn't stay there, Haymitch. I just couldn't."
"I just can't believe he let you go."
"I told him if he didn't let me go I'd sneak out anyway," he stated. I laughed. It was impossible for me to stay angry with him. He could have lied to his dad but he didn't.
"It's fine," I sighed. "Just leave on time for school. I don't want you getting into more trouble." Relieved, Peeta relaxed. "So what's in the bag, kid?" I reached over and took the bag from him. I smelled bread, cheese and garlic. He brought his famous cheese buns.
"I didn't want to show up empty handed so I brought you a couple of loaves and some cheese buns." I noticed that he was rubbing his left arm. "What's wrong, kid?"
"I want to talk to you," he said as he bit his lower lip. He was troubled, that I could tell. 'Please don't tell me, you came here to talk about your problems with Katniss,' my mind whispered. I adored the kid but if he was here to talk to about love life––
"I think Snow did something to me?" His words stopped me dead. My heart jumped.
"What?" The air in lungs deflated.
He pulled his sleeves over his left bicep and rubbed his upper arm. "I can feel something right here." He pinpointed to a section on his arm. "I thought after Snow injected me that it was just bad reaction but it's been days and…" I looked closely to the inject spot. It was round and red. It looked familiar.
"Wait right here kid," I ordered him. A few seconds I came back with a small black box in my hand. I waved it over his arm and it lit up. "Shit."
"What?" Peeta said alarmed and scared.
"Snow…Snow injected you with a tracking device," I told him. Peeta's eyes grew wide. "When he injected you the last time, he injected a tracking device inside your arm." He looked at me as if grew another head. "Peeta?"
"What do you mean a tracking device?" I had forgotten that he didn't know that Snow implanted the device to each tribute before the games. We were informed before we entered the arena, but what I failed to realized that they never removed it. A new one was implanted every five years. I found out the hard way.
"Snow planted the device before you entered the arena." I pulled my sleeve to reveal my scar on my forearm. "It's how the head gamekeeper knows where you are in the games."
Peeta's breath was ragged and fast. "Oh, God. Why would he to that to me?"
"Why do you think?" I returned. "So he will know where you go any where and any time." We sat there for a few minutes in silence. I could tell his mind was running a mile a minute. "Tell me, what you're thinking?"
"I…I'm fucked," he said. I almost laughed but resisted the impulse. "I'm not safe to be around anyone."
"Peeta," I said his name but he ignored me as he stood up and paced. "Peeta."
"Anyone around me is in danger. I'll never be free from him and anyone I'm close to…" Then the look of sheer panic and fear replaced disbelief. "Snow is going to reap me. Why else would he plant a tracking device if he's not planning to reap me."
"Peeta, listen to me," I said as I stood before him impeding his pacing. "You listen good, okay? Nothing, I swear nothing is going to happen to you. I promise you that Snow wouldn't dare reap Panem's favorite golden boy." Peeta looked up with a look of confusion on his face.
"You are Panem's golden boy. Just like you and Katniss are the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12. He can't touch her or you. Do you understand? He won't touch you both."
"But why––"
"He wants to control you and this is only way he can," I said. "Listen, as long as you do as you are told and keep you head down, he won't come after you."
"But he did. He came after me and Graham suffered the consequences," he blurted with tears in his eyes. I placed both hands on his biceps.
"Graham dead is not your fault." He shook my off. "Peeta, I know that it's not a consolation to you but I swear to you, he won't kill you or reap you." I paused. "And he can't touch Katniss either."
"No but he still can get to the people I love, Dad and Rye." It was true but killing them right now would be too suspicious. "I have…I can't let anyone get hurt because of me." I knew he was talking about Katniss. Earlier this evening, Jimmy said that Peeta was taking time to reconsider his relationship with her. Even before I knew what he would decide I knew he could never reject her. He loved her for so long to reject her now, now that she's aware of his feeling for her. So yes, he reacted in anger and hurt when she ran from him that night. With this new revelation his only solution was to sever the tie between them. Better to cut it off now then later when he was in too deep. But then again, he was already invested in their relationship. Now, the decision was made for him or so he thought. It wasn't right that Snow's hand was now determining Peeta's happiness and future. He was convinced that he had no future with Katniss. I wouldn't allow it to happen.
"Peeta," I said. "When I was your age I was crazy in love with this girl. And surprisingly she was crazy about me too. We were together and had planned to marry once we both passed our reaping age. Then I got reaped. I never expected to win so I gave up. Miraculously I won." The ache in throat intensified. I had never told anyone of my life after my games. It was a topic still to hard for me to discuss but I was trying to make a point.
"What happened to her?"
"Nothing, happened to her," I stated. "When I came back I was different, irrevocably changed; I was damaged, broken and angry in mind and spirit. But she still loved me through my alcohol binges and self-destructive ways. She loved me when I hated myself."
I sat down and Peeta followed suit. "I didn't see my worth. I convinced myself that she was better off without me so I pushed her away. And she found someone else. I was hurt but relieved because it was what I wanted. I thought, Snow will never know and can never hurt her." I sighed and closed my eyes. "I was angry that Snow dictated my life forcing me to push her away. So I reacted in anger and fought back. He systematically killed my family one by one."
Peeta gasped. I could see him mind working as he realized that he too must do the inevitable and comply with Snow demands. "I felt so much shame and guilt. Everyone I ever loved was gone but her. She was safe from him…or so I thought."
"Haymitch, what happened to her?"
"He…Snow had killed everyone I loved so I defied him as best I could. I can't or won't go in details because that's another story to tell, but ultimately I thought he couldn't break me, my anger or spirit." An image flashed in my head. One that I couldn't erase––that neither alcohol nor drugs could cure. "It's been years but Snow managed to kill the one person who meant the world to me. I thought I kept her safe but somehow he found out about her. He killed off her whole family––her husband and two kids because of my arrogance and stupidity."
"I don't understand what is the point of your story," Peeta asked confusion written on his face.
"I pushed her away thinking that I was protecting her. I wasted years thinking I was protecting her when I was only delaying the inevitable." I stared in Peeta's eyes. "Instead of embracing what she was offering me––her love, devotion and loyalty. I threw and pushed her away thinking she was safer without me. Peeta, it was a selfish thing to do. To decide someone's future. I should have told her my fears and controlled my anger. I should have held on to her, as she was the only thing that kept me sane and alive. Throughout my drunken binges, and pushing her away, I still loved her. My mistake was, I was wasted years of my life thinking she was safe only to have her killed anyway."
"Is that why you don't have family and friends," he asked. "You're protecting the people around you?" I nodded my head.
"The point is Peeta," I started. "There is not much joy and happiness in this life. You'd be lucky to survive the reapings, but finding love? That's rare these days. Love and a life you could have with Katniss."
Peeta's shoulders slumped his eyes focused on the floor before him. "I don't think she feels the same way about me."
"You're wrong, Peeta," I said. "She may not have wanted you as long as you have wanted her, but her feelings for you are real. I know she hurt you when she ran." He nodded his head and sighed. "You know, Peeta. I don't give stock on love and happily ever afters, but she does care about you"
"I don't know if I can afford to believe it," he responded. "Not after the way she had been treating me. She ran away after––"
"Give the girl a break," I snickered. "You have to admit that it's really, really creepy that you've been crushing on her since you were five." I hoped that he caught the teasing tone in my voice. I didn't want to discourage him anymore than he had discouraged himself. "Peeta, please don't make the mistakes I made. You have someone who cares about you."
"How can I protect her against Snow?"
"It's okay to admit you're scared but think of this. Wouldn't you rather have spent the time with Katniss, getting to love her and be with her?"
"And if she dies because of me?"
"At least you had the chance to be with the person you love. You wouldn't have years of regrets and anger for not being courageous enough to fight for each other. I wished that I didn't push the one person I loved most in the world. I'd rather live with the memories of us being together than to be living in an empty house with no memories at all."
"I'm scared Haymitch," he admitted.
"It's okay to be scared. You have to be pretty stupid not to. But at the same time, fight for the life you want and deserve. I guarantee you that if you give Katniss the chance, she'll fight beside you if you'll let her."
"I don't want to lose her."
"If she dies tomorrow, wouldn't you regret the time you could of had with her? Don't waste anymore time, Peeta." I had wished someone had given me the same advice when I was his age.
"So what do I now?" he asked. I was flummoxed and I guessed it showed on my face. " I mean about the tracking devise in my arm."
"What can you do?" I asked as I flexed by arm to remind him that I still had mine. "Just don't do anything to catch Snow's attention." He scoffed. "I mean it, Peeta. You're lucky to have people in your live who love you. And will stand by you." If he only knew what lay ahead, I doubt he felt the same. There were so many secrets, so many things to go wrong.
The next evening, I held a glass of wine in my hand as I watched Peeta and Katniss navigated around each other at Rye's wedding. She looked anxious and he looked…well calm and unaffected. I knew him well enough to know that he was more scared than ever. But by the looks Katniss had been giving him all evening he'd be fine. He would have her in his life.
Katniss POV ––
Day after Rye's wedding
I tried to suppress the joy I felt as I walked down the corridor in my school. Peeta held my hand as he led me to my next class. It was the first time we actually displayed ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend in front of all our classmates to see. Before, we had a distance between us that was both physical and emotional. After last night, the ache in my head and chest lifted. I was…I mean we were giving us a chance.
"See you at lunch," he said as he squeezed my hand one last time before releasing them. All during school I tried to concentrate and not think about our date this evening. It was obvious that I was distracted as Prim and Madge teased me all at lunch. "You want to borrow one of dresses?" Madge asked as we settled ourselves underneath our usual eating spot. I was too focused waiting for Peeta to join us that I missed her question. "Katniss, hello!" Prim giggled.
"I wonder who she's looking for?" she teased me.
"I don't know, maybe her boyfriend," Madge said in a casual manner. "Peeta Mellark, the baker's son is Katniss Everdeen's boyfriend."
I scowled. "Don't you two have better things to do than torment all day?" I wasn't really mad but annoyed. Then, I saw him––Peeta headed straight toward us with a large brown bag in his hand. The sun glistened on his blond head making him his hair glow. There was a shy smile on his face. I looked behind him noticing other Merchant girls staring at his backside. The thought of them touching or even speaking about him made me angry as they continued to whisper to each other. I was about to respond or react not in kind at the way they were leering at him but before I could, a loud round of applause filtered in the air. Merchant classmates surrounded the newlyweds, Rye and Delly. They patted Rye on the back while Delly's friends screamed and squealed at her. They were sending them their best wishes on their nuptials. Even though they had gotten married the night before they, the new Mr. and Mrs. Mellark still have to attend school. There were no exceptions. Thus, they made a quite performance as Rye bowed and Delly curtsied beside him. My mind flashed back to the night before. It was a good memory for once.
Flashback ––
The bride, the new Mrs. Mellark approached me with a huge smile on her face. "I knew it, I knew Peeta couldn't let you go," she said as she hugged me tight. She snickered at Rye and Peeta. "I never doubted his feelings for you, Katniss. Just don't run anymore."
I nodded my head. Delly was beaming with joy. I wondered why they married so soon just days before the reaping. I was soon to find out as Rye called for everyone's attention. "If I can have everyone's attention. I would like to say a few words before the night is through and everyone goes home. I'm not much of a speech maker not like Peeta who has the gift for words. So please forgive while I stumble to say what I need to say." He turned to his father, "Dad, I know it wasn't easy raising three boys. I'm proud to be your son and I wouldn't change a single thing because you are my dad. I hope that when the day comes I will be a good father as you have been to me and my brothers." He extended his hand to Delly who took it.
"I will remember this day for as long as I live. I look around me to the people I love, my family and friends. This day I will never forget because…" He paused and looked at Delly. "Not only did I marry the girl I loved, I became a husband today. And I'm proud and happy to announce that in seven months that I will become a father as well." There was a second of silence before an eruption of shouting and screams filled the air.
"Oh my boy," Jimmy cried as he embraced Rye and Delly. "You're pregnant. That's…that's…" He was speechless as he continued to hug them in his strong arms. I looked at Peeta his smile wide and eyes twinkled.
"My little girl is going to be a mom," Mrs. Cartwright sobbed. "Hey Jimmy, stop hogging them. Let me hug my baby girl." Jimmy burst into laughter as he released Delly. She was ensconced into her mother's arm. "You're going to be a mom. My baby is going to have a baby."
"I'm going to be mom, mom" she repeated.
"And Tyler," Rye said. "Is going to have a cousin soon." I couldn't imagine what Peeta was feeling. He lost his brother weeks before gaining Tyler and now he was going to become an uncle again. "Dad, don't cry."
"I can't help it," he said. "There has been so much sadness…I never expected this."
"Believe me, dad," Rye retorted. "Neither did I."
"You don't look surprised," I said to Peeta as he watched his brother and dad converse.
"I had a feeling." My brows lifted. "Delly kept getting sick a couple of weeks ago. She turned green when she was shredding cheese one day. I thought it was odd, but didn't think anything about it until I caught her throwing up. I wanted to say something but I knew it wasn't my place. But I suspected."
That night Peeta walked Prim and me home after the wedding. Mom and Dad were ahead of us. He held my hand while Prim's arm was hooked on his elbow. "Don't want to lose you in the dark, Prim," he explained. I also thought he didn't want her to feel left out. The night was cool but not too cold that I needed a sweater. Not that I thought to have brought one, mind you. Once we reached my home, mom, dad and Prim went inside after bidding Peeta good night. We lingered at the front porch face to face. It was a beautiful evening with moon above us. He was so close yet so far. I wanted to touch him but held the temptation.
"Thank you for inviting us to Rye and Delly's wedding," I said. "I really had a great time."
"Me too," he returned. Suddenly, from inside the house someone had turned on the radio. He smiled and looked down at his shoes, his right foot curled behind his left ankle and his hands behind his back.
"You know we didn't get to dance very much," he said. "I mean we did, but not like I wanted to."
"Oh, what do you mean?" All night we danced together, sometimes in a group or just the two of us.
He extended his hand. "Will you dance with me one more time?" The music that was playing was slow and melodic. I placed my hand into his as his arm wrapped around my waist. My heart beat so fast that I thought it would burst any minute. "Like this, we didn't get to dance like this." His breath tickled my cheek. We stayed together like two puzzles affixed to each other. I laid my head on his shoulder relishing the scent and feel of him against me. This feeling of hope and contentment, it was what I had denied myself when I rejected Peeta all those weeks ago because I was afraid of what he made me feel.
I didn't want to become my mom but in truth I had become her as I rejected and denied something I knew nothing about. Love for family was all I knew, but this, this feeling for Peet was something else––it was exhilarating, freeing and at the same time crushing and debilitating. I was scared to love Peeta but I was also scared to lose him now that I acknowledged and accepted my feelings for him.
"Katniss," Mom's voice echoed in the air forcing Peeta and me to part. "It's getting late. You have school tomorrow."
"I'll be in a few minutes, mom," I returned. Peeta took both my hands into his. His fingers were rough and calloused from years of working with his hands but gentle to touch. I imagined….
"See tomorrow?" he said.
"Yes, tomorrow." He leaned over. I waited for his lips to press onto my anticipating ones but he turned and kissed my cheek instead. I was disappointed but realized…there was always tomorrow.
End of Flashback ––
"Hey," he greeted us his voice sending me back to the present. Peeta was dressed in a pair of dark blue pants that clung to lean hips and round muscular butt. He wore a white crisp shirt with the first two buttons unbuttoned. I could see sparse golden hair on his chest. He sat next to me and proceeded to open the bag. "I hope you girls don't mind but I made lunch for everyone." I noticed that it was leftovers from last night's celebration.
"You didn't have to do that," I said as my mouth watered at the sight of his creations.
"I was already making my lunch early this morning so I thought…" his voice trailed off as he shrugged his shoulders.
"Speak for yourself, Katniss. Gimme," Madge demanded as she grabbed the sandwich from his hands. He handed us a loaf of freshly made bread with thin slices of ham and cheese smothered with a light sauce with lettuce and tomatoes. It looked and tasted heavenly. For dessert we enjoyed a strawberry tart with sugar frosting.
Madge moaned when she took her first bite. "This is fucking delicious." I giggled while Peeta laughed. It had been a long time since I've seen him laugh with his eyes twinkling and a smile so wide it made my heart skip a beat.
"Oh my God, Katniss," Prim gushed with a mouthful of her sandwich. "Your boyfriend makes the best sandwiches."
"Prim, don't talk with your mouth full," I scolded her. It was good. I wondered if this was one of the perks of having a baker for a boyfriend––free food with dessert. I wouldn't doubt it as I imagined spoiling me.
I blushed at Prim's compliment as I realized that Peeta and I just started dating. Hence, we were going to have our first date later this evening. So Peeta wasn't technically my boyfriend or was he? Peeta grabbed my hand and kissed the knuckles. Yep, he was my boyfriend by the way he freely touched and kissed me out in the open for all our classmates both Merchant and Seam to see.
I was pin and needles all day waiting for school to end as I anticipated our date night. At the bakery, it was slow so that Jimmy allowed Prim and I to head home early. "Did Peeta tell you where he's taking you for your date?"
"He said wear something casual, nothing fancy since we were dressed last night," I informed her. Peeta hinted that he wanted to take me out someplace that wasn't crowded or fancy. I sighed in relief.
"Can I pick out your clothes to wear?" she asked. You would have thought Prim was the one going as she was more excited than me. As for me, I was nervous and happy at the same time. I didn't want to appear too eager or over anxious.
"Sure, but nothing revealing or not me, okay?" I love Prim but her idea of clothing was completely opposite from me. She loved frilly and girly things, while I liked comfort and practicality. She liked the pastels and light color while I favored dark hues. However, for my first official date with Peeta I might make an exception. He was worth it.
"Katniss, trust me," she scoffed as she rifled through my clothes while I took a short bath. On the bed she placed a dark blue dress with quarter sleeves. It was simple just like I hoped. "What time is he picking you up?"
"In two hours," I said.
"Prim," mom spoke as she appeared by the doorway. "I need to talk to your sister alone." She had a serious look on her face that alarmed me.
Once Prim left the room mom took my hand and made me sit on my bed beside her. She was quiet for a few seconds just staring at me. It was unnerving. I hoped she wasn't going to talk to me about I feared she would after she found out that Peeta and I were seriously dating. 'Oh, God I hope she's not going to––' a voice whispered in my head.
"You know, I knew this moment would come but I still can't believe it that I'm not totally prepare what to say to you."
"Mom," I interjected. My eyes grew wide from the realization that she was going to talk about the one topic I avoided having with her.
"I know you're old enough and know the consequences of…not being careful," she started. I raised both hands to cover my face. This was truly embarrassing and unnecessary.
"Had I known how serious you were about Peeta, I would have you started drinking––"
"Mom, stop," I blurted. "Oh my God, you can't be seriously thinking that Peeta and I will be…" I couldn't finish the thought and the sentence.
"But since we're here and I waited too long…" She grabbed and placed a small packet in my hand. I pulled back like I was stung by something vile and poisonous. I looked at the object between us it was a condom.
"Mom," I said horrified and embarrassed. Yes, since meeting Peeta I had numerous dreams and thoughts about sex with him. But to have my own mother acknowledge that…that it was where my relationship was leading and her knowing about it, was a horrifying thought, and her thinking of me and Peeta together like that was beyond humiliating. I knew I'm rambling but sheesh…I needed to get a grip before I lost it.
"Don't be embarrassed to ask me anything, Katniss," she continued. "You're old enough to have sex so you shouldn't get embarrassed talking about it."
"Oh God."
"It's only natural that you and Peeta will eventually have sex and I just want you to be prepared. You need to be responsible because sometimes you get carried away. Sex is one of the most… " I tuned to her out as best I could but she persisted. "I know Peeta will be very gentle with you on your first time and…"
"Mom, stop. You need to stop," I said. "What happens between Peeta and me…I don't need you to give me advice. I know you mean well but, I'm already anxious and nervous with our date. You're….you're talking about something I'm not comfortable talking to you about." Mom sighed. The topic of sex was something I couldn't even discuss with Prim either. But I knew sex was something that was inevitable with Peeta and me. If there were someone I could talk to it would be Peeta.
He was just as inexperienced as I was and I didn't want any preconceived ideas or notions what to expect or feel. I felt confident enough that he…that we would be discussing it because I trusted him to take care of me. Mom giving me unwanted advice led to expectations, expectations made me nervous and anxious. I've been so used to over thinking in my head instead of trusting my instincts and feelings when it came to Peeta. I made so many assumptions and mistakes, I didn't want to make anymore. Who knows maybe I'll just jump him.
On the dot, Peeta knocked on the door. My heart swelled at the sight of him. In his hands was a large bouquet of flowers. Where he got them I had no idea but they were beautiful as they were delicately tied with a large dark green bow. "For you," he said with a shy smile.
"Before you head out I would like a word with Peeta," Dad announced. I groaned in horror.
"Dad!" I said with my mouth open as no words left me. First mom and now dad, I knew what this was all about. Why now? They weren't concern of my sex life weeks ago? Poor Peeta to subject him with that 'talk.'
"I just want a few minutes before you leave," he said in a stern and serious tone. Peeta was wide eyed. "I won't take too long." Five minutes later, Peeta returned his face was bright red and his hands in his pockets. I wanted to scream but held my tongue.
I grabbed Peeta by the arm. "Let's get out of here," I demanded.
"Have fun, Katniss," Prim yelled after us.
We were both quiet as we finally reached the edge of the Seam. "I'm sorry, Peeta." We stood right in front of the abandoned house we visited a week ago. "I know what my Dad talked to you about. My mom did the same with me before you arrived."
"It's all right, Katniss. You're dad was just…he was looking out for you." His eyes were downcast looking at his shoes.
"I'm still sorry though."
"It's okay, I think it was just as embarrassing for him as it was for me," he snickered.
"Anyway, I really don't want to know. Where are you taking me?"
He smiled and looked at the house. "It's funny but we're here."
"Huh?" I was confused. We were at my favorite place and he knew it.
"Come on I'll show you," he extended his hand to me. It felt natural for him to reach out his hand to me as if we have been doing it for a long time. It was comfortable. He led me to ruin area what was once the kitchen. There on the ground was a blanket with a picnic basket. On the blanket were two pillows, two bowls with flatware and glasses.
"We're eating here?" I gasped in surprise.
"I hope you don't mind coming here?" he asked.
"No, it perfect," I returned. I had hope that he didn't take me anywhere that was populated with Merchants. I would have gladly and proudly accompanied Peeta anywhere but since this was our first official date, I didn't want the distraction of people staring at us.
"I thought about taking you to Remy's but…" He stopped. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. People are still not used to seeing us together." It was as if he read my mind and knew my fears and concerns. "I'm not ashamed of us Katniss. I just had enough of people around me. I wanted peace and quiet."
"No, like I said. This is perfect." For dinner, we had lamb stew with cheese buns. Dinner was quiet but not uncomfortable. I felt at ease and happy for a change. Sitting and eating next to Peeta made me feel giddy, anxious and nervous. During the meal, we talk about everything and nothing––school, homework, our classmates. "…and then oh my God, Katniss, you should have seen Sylvie's face after Delly threw up all over her shoes. It was epic. I mean, she honestly thought that Delly was going to agree with her, you know. As if she had an ally with my new sister-in-law."
I laughed but felt angry at Sylvie's attempt to persuade Delly that she was a better match for Peeta. For God's sake, I just had gotten over feeling anxious when Agatha backed off, then to realize that another skanky Merchant wanted Peeta. "I guess it's a good thing that her family owns the leather and shoe store because the ones Delly vomited on were ruined."
Peeta picked up his glass of tea. "I just don't understand how Sylvie thinks that I wanted or am attracted to her. I mean, she isn't in any of my classes and I've never spoken to her until a couple of weeks ago."
"Oh?"
"When Rye told me that he and Delly set the date, I went over to her father's store to get my shoes repaired and cleaned for the wedding. Now all of a sudden we're talking like she's my best friend. I just don't get it." He looked disturbed by the whole situation. "You know, right? That I'm not interested in her."
"Yes, I know," I said. "But you shouldn't be surprised when I get on her face whenever she or anyone gets near you too."
"I don't know what the big deal is. I mean, I'm not all that…you know?" He shrugged his shoulders. I wanted to beat the crap of that woman who made him feel worthless and unloved. It didn't help that I rejected and was cruel to him those few times we met. I helped shattered his confidence and self worth. He didn't realized how handsome he was.
Since meeting and getting to know Peeta, his physicality changed from a strong and lean frame to an under weight and scrawny build. So much has happened to him since his encounter with Ivan and Cray. He lost so much weight from the whipping and dog attack in the forest. He only ate half of his lamb stew and three quarters of his cheese bun. 'Tomorrow I'm going to have him over for dinner.' I thought of ways to help him gain his weight back. It was my first job as his girlfriend.
Minutes later the sun disappeared. Peeta stood up and lit a couple of candles. I stared at his profile and wondered why I resisted the Boy with the Bread so long. "How are you holding up? I know that you must miss hunting." I did but with the fence turned on I didn't' have much choice.
"I miss it, but there nothing I could do about it. We're doing better than last year ever since your dad hired me to work at the bakery," I confessed. "It was really a godsend. And now that he's also hired Prim, it helped us a lot. My mom and dad are really grateful."
"I'm glad," he returned. I stared at Peeta as he leaned back with his hands situated behind him and his leg crossed by the ankles. Dark orange socks peeked underneath his pants. I giggled to myself. It was so bright they stuck out. "I really like this spot. I'm surprised that no one wanted to rebuild the house." I thought about it too, about rebuilding the house to make it as my own. But that could not happened unless…I got married and make a claim to the property with my perspective husband. I shook the idea out of my head. It was too soon to think about things like marriage.
"Look." I pointed to the dark sky. There were million stars above us. He lay back on his pillow staring up above him. I followed suit and lay next to him. "See that bright star. That's the northern star." Our heads lay close together. "Dad said if I ever get lost always look for the north star. It will guide me wherever I go."
I pointed to a cluster of stars showing him the nearest constellation. "You sure know a lot about stars."
"I had to," I told him. "When dad was teaching me to hunt, I had to know my way around in case I got lost," I explained. Peeta was very patient and listened as I continued to point to sky. With Gale, he had no patience. He enjoyed breaching the fence learning to hunt and snare game in the forest, but he never appreciated his surroundings––the beauty that nature bestowed upon us. It was lost on him.
"I wished we had more time when you took me to the meadow," Peeta admitted. "Minus the dog attack of course." He chuckled as he rubbed his left shoulder and bicep. We laid there for a few minutes quiet and in our own thoughts. Something still felt off to me like a rock in a middle of my chest. I mean, granted yes Peeta has forgiven me and we're officially on our first 'real' date but I felt I needed to clear my mind or at least share my inner thoughts with him.
"Peeta," I started. "You know I'm not good with words or how to say things so please just listen and be patient with me." He sat up and lay his stomach his elbows propping himself up as he looked down on me. There wasn't much light around us. I could barely see his face as a candle cast a low illumination.
"Okay," he returned.
"I…I know we're starting over," I began my throat dry and my tongue felt heavy. "And I can't tell you how much it means to me that you've given me another chance." I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. "That you've forgiven me so many times when all I have ever done when we first met was hurt you."
"Katniss, you don't need to––"
"Peeta, please I need to say this," I interjected. "Just let me say this." He nodded his head as he licked his lips and smiled. "Thank you for giving me another chance. I'll never forgive myself or forget how I treated you. I was wrong to have been so mean to you when all you wanted was my friendship. You see, I never met anyone quite like you. I just don't understand how someone like you who so sweet, gentle and kind could want someone like me. I'm bitter, suspicious of people and have trust issues." I closed my eyes and swallowed a pit that formed in my throat. "What I'm trying to say and not good expressing is that…thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for seeing past my hard exterior for being able to see what I myself couldn't see or want to acknowledge about myself." I've been scared most of my life. I didn't or ever imagined being in this position––falling in love. I felt vulnerable and weak. But I fell for Peeta. I needed him to know that this was serious for me––that I wanted him as much as he wanted me. I may have not wanted him as long as he wanted me but––
"Katniss?" he interrupted.
"Yes, Peeta?"
"Can I…" he paused. "Can I kiss you? I really want to kiss you right now." I gasped I lost all brain function. This was it. The moment I had been waiting for since I realized that I wanted Peeta. Wanted him in ways I never imagined, felt or desired. I smiled so wide my face ached.
'Did you really have to ask? Because now I'm really nervous," I giggled. I thought our first kiss would happen in a spontaneous moment. It was so like Peeta to ask for permission. I loved him for it.
"I'm nervous too." He said in a whisper.
"Why are you nervous?"
"I've never kissed anyone before," he confessed like it was a bad thing. "I…might not be good at it and I don't want you be disappointed."
"I've never kissed anyone either."
"Oh, I thought you and Gale––" I lightly hit on his upper arm.
"Oh for crying out loud, Peeta. I told you that Gale and I were never together like that."
"No you didn't. We never really talked about Gale and you. Not really." I groaned.
"Can we not talk about him?" The fact that he brought Gale up just soured the moment we had.
"Sorry," he said. "Sorry."
"So…" I waited. Seconds passed and he was killing me as he kept staring at my lips. He leaned down slow that I felt his breath on my flushed face. His eyes tensed with longing and anticipation. He placed his hand on the side of my face his thumb grazing my cheek and lips. 'Just do it already,' my mind screamed as he hovered closer.
Then, he pressed his cool lips onto mine chaste and tender like he was afraid I was going to break or change my mind. It was so soft and quick I thought I imagined it. However as brief as it was my lips tingled from the sensation. I wanted more and was disappointed when he pulled back. There was a look of anxiety on his face. Was he disappointed? My heart sunk for a second. No, this wasn't going to do so I grabbed him by the side of his head bracketing both my hands at the side of his face. I pulled him down to me demanding more.
His lips were stiff as he gasped upon my own at first then…oh God, he opened his mouth and swallowed me whole taking my lower lip between his and sucked. I couldn't tell who demanded more Peeta or me as our kisses intensified each passing second. We were loud and sloppy learning to find the rhythm, our noses bumping and teeth crashing. I felt an ache in between my legs that I never felt before. I never felt more alive at this moment. I wanted to melt into him. He continued to kiss me angling his head and diving into the kiss with lips so firm, wet, lush and demanding. Peeta tasted of lamb stew and dessert. His kisses were savory and sweet. We traded kiss for kiss, groan for groan. The moans we expelled sent a vibration from my mouth to my chest and down to my center. I cried out in joy as he hooked his leg onto mine as he lay half on top of me. I don't know how long we were kissing but the moment ended when he pulled back. I cried out in disappointment missing his lips on mine.
I looked up to see Peeta breathing or rather panting through his mouth his eyes wide and filled with mirth. The ache on my center multiplied ten fold. I couldn't find any release so I squeezed my legs together. "Oh my God," he said in a reverent manner. "That was…that was…"
"I know," I concluded. There were no words to describe our kiss or kisses. My lips felt swollen.
"That was not what I imagined or fantasized," he confessed as his breathe evened out. His hair was askew from my hands rifling through his lush locks. I placed my hands behind his neck not wanting to let go of him. In turn, Peeta placed elbows besides my shouldered trapping into place as he continued to hover over me.
"You fantasized our first kiss?" I inquired.
"Of course, I did," he admitted. "I've been fantasizing about this moment for years." I chuckled. It was a reaction of relief. "That was more than I could have ever imagined."
I was speechless as I couldn't articulate my feelings at the moment. All I knew was that I wanted more.
Peeta POV ––
I hovered over Katniss pressing my aching cock into the ground. It was embarrassing. I have never imagined that our first kiss would exceed my expectation or fantasies. It was clumsy yet intimate as our lips sought each other out finding the right angle and pressure. To find the maximum relief that could never be satiated. I wanted more but I didn't want to press my luck. It was our first kiss and I didn't want to pressure her for more. I was a sixteen year old boy in love with a girl who I loved all my life. I was inexperienced but I knew with time and lots of practice kissing her would temper my desire for her. Fuck, that would never happen because the more I knew or got to know her, my desire grew. And kissing just fueled the fire she instilled in me. I was on fire.
I was about to lean down and kiss her again when a loud booming voice startled me. "Hey, what are you two doing out here?" Peacekeeper Darius said his tone hard and stern. The interruption caused my hard on to wane. His sudden appearance was like being doused with icy cold water. I sat up and situated Katniss behind me. "You know it's close to curfew. You shouldn't be out here." Two other peacekeepers stood behind him. They had tasers in their hands not rifles like they usually carried.
"Sorry Darius," I said. "We lost track of time."
"I can see why," he snickered. "Peeta, you know the rules. I don't think your father and Mr. Everdeen would appreciate me calling them because I had to haul you both to the Justice Building for breaking curfew."
"I'm sorry. It's all my fault," I said. Katniss grabbed my hand.
"No, it's my fault too because we lost track of time," she added. "We will leave right now."
"Okay, just don't do this again. You need to be aware of your time," he returned as he stepped back.
"Thanks Darius," I said. I was grateful that he was giving us a warning. We watched them turn away and walk off.
"Oh my God, Peeta," Katniss replied as she placed her forehead on my shoulder blade. Her skin was warm that I could feel the heat through my shirt. "That was embarrassing."
"I don't think he minded," I joked. "It's not like he caught us in the slagheap doing, you know?" Her silver eyes grew large and round. I had not realized what I said until it dawned on me because I was teasing her. "Not that I would ever take you there. I mean, I respect you too much to do that. Because you know I've never taken anyone there either because I do know what goes on in there. I…" Her soft lips crashed into my bumbling mouth. I sighed in relief and kissed her back. This kiss was chaste and sweet not like the last kisses we shared which we were fueled with lust and longing.
"You know you really talk too much sometimes," she teased me. I was too dazed with her kisses that I didn't hear what she said. "Peeta?"
"Hmm," I sighed back.
"We should really head back before Darius catches us breaking curfew," she reminded me. I wanted to throw her back onto the floor and kiss her breathless. What we shared wasn't enough. I needed…no wanted more of her kisses and the taste of her in my mouth. "Besides, I know this was our first official date so I was hoping you would kiss me goodnight when you walked me home. But now that I know what you taste like, I'm expecting it now." I stood straight up like a rocket. It was a good thing that it was dark because my cock twitched from hearing the low husky timber of her voice. She was seducing me and she wasn't even aware of it. I knew I was going to take a very long and cold shower when I got home.
I walked her back home taking my time even though I wanted to kiss her again. By the time we reached her house it so dark that the moon was the only source of illumination. Her porch was hidden in darkness as we approached her door. I wrapped my arms around her smelling her scent and feeling her firm breasts against my chest. I didn't want to let go.
When we kissed each other good night, I had a hand on the small of her back and the other behind her head. Katniss had her long lean arms around my neck securing her self into my chest. At first our kisses weren't heated since we knew that her parents and Prim were right behind the front door, but as seconds passed we lost ourselves again. A moment later Katniss pulled back her forehead resting between my eyebrows. I felt her eyelashes fluttering against my cheekbones with our noses touching. The sweet scent of her skin filled my nostrils as her breath grazed neck.
The air around was cool but heat we generated cocooned us like a bubble. This was the first time I felt safe and wanted. Her nearness brought me to my knees metaphorically like as if she had me under a spell. I didn't want to let go but I knew I had to.
"I really had a great time," she said. I laughed. Ordinarily I would have thought that was line, but it came from Katniss. I didn't have any expectations. Honestly, I thought I had to find the courage to kiss her not on our first date but on our second one. There was so much pressure wanting to please her. I wanted our first date to be memorable. It was more than I had hoped for.
"Me too," I returned. My fingers were locked together on the small of her back. I gave her one last kiss on the tip of her nose. I knew not to kiss her again because once I felt her lips on mine I wouldn't have been able to stop. She sighed. "See you tomorrow?"
"See you tomorrow," she repeated after me. I let her go and I immediately felt empty and lost. It was an irrational feeling but felt it. I walked down the stairs and walked backwards leaving my eyes attached to her silvery ones. She had a huge smile on her face and a hand touching her lips.
I stumbled backwards almost landing on my ass. She giggled. "Good night, Katniss." I said before I turned around.
"Good night. Peeta." I turned and did a dance in my mind pumping my arms in the air. It was quiet but as the door closed behind her I heard a giggle. I couldn't tell if it was Prim or Katniss' as I laughed as well.
I was not much of a singer but as I walked back home I hummed to myself feeling pleased and euphoric. After everything I've been through, I never thought I ever feel like this, I never thought that I would date Katniss let alone kiss her. My cock twitched just thinking about her. Tonight I didn't think about Snow, the reaping or the MockingJay. I was just a boy in love who had experience the perfect date with the girl of my dreams. Nothing could spoil that.
"Hello, Peeta," a voice startled me from dreamy state. I knew and remembered that voice anywhere. I have heard him giving speech after speech late at night while my dad, my brothers and I huddled in our home hoping that the peacekeepers didn't catch us listening to him. The voice spoke of struggles, injustice and war. He incited hope and a vision of Panem free from Snow and his Hunger Games. He was a savior and a villain wrapped in black leather hiding behind a disguise. A cold chill ran up my spine.
"Please don't be frightened," he said. How he expected me not be scared was asking for too much. I knew of his reputation and achievements––the stories dad told me when I was growing up. He was a God and the Devil himself who walked amongst us. I admired and feared him. He changed my life and world forever. I was never the same in my association with him and yet I never met him face to face until now.
"What do you want?" I asked him my voice shook my body trembled not from the cold air.
"You, Peeta," he said. "I want you."
AN: Thank you for reading this chapter. It was fun to write. I'm sorry that my updates are posted later than my usual schedule. I hope that you weren't disappointed with Peeta and Katniss' first kiss. I wrote the scene a lot sooner than I anticipated because I thought they needed a little break before all hell breaks lose. Many thanks for those who stuck around in this journey. Have a great weekend.
P.S. BDizzy, you'll get you're wish in the future chapters. I look forward to writing your request as well.