Processing

"Come on little man", Fitz sighs as he covers Joshua up in a towel and lifts him out of the bath.

Much to Anne and Jerry's objection, wanting him to stay, especially after they discovered the carnage that his and Olivia's exchange had left behind, Fitz decided to head home instead. Thankfully, Joshua was fast asleep, cradled against Jerry to see any of it. Anne however was extremely troubled by the scene, and desperate to learn what Olivia had to say for herself. "Not much," he had answered wryly and then went on to insist that he was okay, when she began to fuss over him. Despite his attempt of appearing indifferent, his parents knew otherwise; the fact that they now needed to replace their dining room table, spoke volumes. It wasn't that he didn't wish to tell them what happened, because he did; only right now he needed some time and space to make sense of it all first. Olivia had left him with a lot to think about and therefore staying over at his parent's house was not an option, he would find no peace there, not when Jerry was fit to blow himself; it was hard enough dealing with his own feelings let alone his father's as well. So, after apologising profusely for the table and promising to reimburse them, he had thanked them for taking Joshua out, affectively shielding him from it all, before promptly leaving.

"Make sure you call me in the morning", Anne had told him, her voice tinged with concern for her boys as she saw them out.

By the time they got home, Joshua was awake, only now he was groggy and extremely uncooperative. Fitz was angry, angry at himself for letting Olivia's impromptu visit interfere with his son's bedtime schedule- interfere with their lives full stop! How dare she just turn up, and mess everything up! Despite himself, the evening's events were finally catching up with him and it was now having a rippling effect on his patience with Joshua, who was unwilling to undress out of his clothes and get into the bath tub. Pushed to the brink, Fitz finds himself raising his voice, "STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" startling Joshua, who is not used to such a harsh tones from his father, and instead of the desired effect to put an end to his whimpering it only serves to draw more tears from him. Immediately filled with guilt, and thinking he could not possibly feel any worse, Fitz pulls his son towards him, enveloping him in a hug as he whispers over and over that he's sorry, in a bid to sooth and console his little boy. This was the last thing he wanted, poor Joshua being affected by all this madness.

Eventually, Joshua's tears subside and he wraps his arms tightly around Fitz's neck, as if afraid to let go, seeking reassurance… "I'm sorry for being bad daddy" he whispers meekly, breaking Fitz's heart in the process… Fitz plants a kiss to his head, fighting back the tears himself as he tells him… "Don't you be silly son, it was daddy who was naughty for shouting, it will never happen again… okay?"

With a tiny nod, Joshua gives him a teary smile; letting him know in more ways than one that he is forgiven, before raising his arms up to allow him to take his top off, followed by his trousers and without further protest he is picked up and placed into the soapy water.

Bath time over and too sleepy for his usual cup of warm milk, Fitz dresses Joshua into his spider man jimjams and tucks him into bed. He gives him a kiss on his rosy cheeks, before reaching over to his bookshelf and retrieving their usual bedtime storybook; bless him, he doesn't even make it to the second page before Joshua doses off into a peaceful sleep.

With the gentle sound of his son's breathing gradually getting deeper, Fitz acknowledges that the coast is clear; and at last lets his veil down… He stays there for a while and watches Joshua intently, wishing he too could find a similar peace, but sadly knowing he will not, not tonight and not for many nights to come… As finally, he allows all his emotions to rush to the surface… And he totally is overwhelmed, wracked with incredible anger, fear and resentment but above all a fierce protectiveness over his son as well as his own fragile heart, as he begins to worry, trying to figure out what his next move will be, but having no idea where to start…

How on Earth was he supposed to play this one out?