Destiny - Heart of a Baker, Soul of a Hunter

by SalaciousNothings

Peeta Mellark, the baker's son saved Katniss Everdeen's life at the age of eleven when he threw the burnt bread one rainy day. She never thanked him let alone acknowledged his existence. She hated owing him but knew there would come a day when she would repay him. Little did she realize that her life was bound to his forever. It was inevitable. AU HG, OOC Everlark

32. Chapter 32 - Nightmares, Secret & Lies

Chapter 32 – Nightmares, Secrets and Lies

AN: So this is the second to the last chapter before the end of the year. I hope to post another chapter before New Years. I want to thank all my reviewers and also those who alerted and favored 'Destiny.' A special thanks to everyone who stuck by me from the beginning and or those who just joined us, this endeavor would not be possible without your support, comments and reviews. I am speechless and grateful as there are no words to describe how your comments make me feel when I read them. Thank you all. Special thanks to pistonsfan75, MaidenAlice, Cassie Sharpie, The Dizzy Guy, Buttercupbadass, pumpkinking5, LACR, Agua Rules, Nai1987, jroseley, Shellibug, J and guests. Whenever I feel stuck or uninspired I read your comments to inspire me.

This chapter contains Haymitch and Katniss' POV and is rate R for foul language. Please note that this story is rated M. If you are offended by the rating please turn back now. Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins and any mistakes found are mine.

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Haymitch POV ––

It's night. I'm not sure what time it is but my last memory was the sun setting on the horizon as we chased towards it. Time meant nothing to me until now because time was running out for Peeta and Prim. The train had just passed District 8 border. After a quick stop at District 10 to refuel the train sped across the continent at a fast pace that we should arrive at the Capitol in two days. There was one more stop at District 4 before we reached Capitol territory. I was anxious and nervous after my brief call earlier. The message was clear.

"Haymitch, I'm sorry I missed your birthday," the voice crackled over the radio. "I guess I'll see you at the Capitol since you're heading this way. Dessie and I expect you for dinner when you get here?"

"Hey, Antoine," I greeted him. "I'll be arriving late between 10 and 11 two days from today. We can do a late dinner. I'll need to drop off my tributes first."

"No problem. See you then."

"I copy," I returned. It was a secret message just for my ears in case anyone was eavesdropping which was probably the case.

"Were you able to get my two packages, I hope that you remembered to bring them," Antoine inquired.

"I brought them. I'm not your errand boy but since I owe you a favor I'm happy to oblige. I got to go and speak with my tributes. See you at the Capitol."

"Thanks. I'll owe you. Dessie says hi by the way. She loves one of your tributes, Peeta Mellark. Says that she'll light a candle for him for luck tonight," the voice continued.

"Tell her thanks. I'm going to need it," I responded.

I sighed anxiety encompassing my whole body. They were coming for Peeta and Prim, the two packages he mentioned. Sometime between 10 and 11 o clock this evening they were going to rescue them.

All during dinner my nerves were shot. I debated telling Peeta the plan but resisted in telling him. I didn't want my anxiety to spill over to him as he kept Prim occupied. They didn't need the burden. They were scared as it was. Why add more to their fragile state? However, before turning in for bed I did warn them to stay in their quarters.

My temptation to take a drink was overwhelming but I resisted since both my charge needed me to be focused. If this plan worked I too would become a fugitive besides Peeta and Prim. My life forever altered.

Everything happened so quickly that once it was over my mind swirled with shock and disbelief. I was stunned as I watched smoke rise from the horizon. There was little I could do. Even Peeta was stunned as well as his eyes were transfixed, his mouth slightly open. We were both in shock that we didn't hear peacekeepers running into the compartment until we acknowledged their presence.

"Raise your hands and get on our knees, now," he barked. Peeta turned from the window and walked towards them with his arms up in gesture of surrender. He kept walking until he was a foot away from the soldiers.

"Peeta, what the hell are you doing?" I screamed. This whole operation was a mess, Prim was dead and Peeta was…suicidal. I had no control of anything.

"Don't get any closer or I'll shoot," the peacekeeper yelled as he aimed his rifle right at Peeta's chest. He stood still his pose defiant and proud.

"God damnit Peeta do as he asked," I begged. "What the fuck are doing?"

"I…" he started. He was tongue-tied as words failed him. It was obvious that he was in shock and in anguish over Prim. He turned around to face me when the soldier behind him rammed the butt of his rife to the back of his head.

"Fucking hell," I cursed as ran to Peeta just as his body landed on the ground. "Peeta?" I knelt down beside him checking for other injuries. I detected none though I did feel an egg shape bump on his head.

His eyes remained open but unfocused. "I'm so sorry, Katniss," he said. Then he closed his eyes.

"You didn't have to hit him on the head," I screamed as I stood up.

"We needed to contain him––" the peacekeeper started.

"Contain him? Look at him. All you had to do was ask to stand down," I screamed louder. "We're you that threatened by him, a boy of sixteen who was unarmed?" The soldier looked sheepish as he stared at Peeta. "You're an idiot." He made a move towards hm. "Oh no fucking way, you're not touching him?" I blocked his path. "You've caused enough harm. You better pray he doesn't have a concussion."

"Let go of me, you big baboon," a loud tinny voice permeated the air. It was Effie. She struggled as a female peacekeeper held onto her upper arm dragging her into the compartment. "I'm a Capitol representative if you can't tell." She shrugged her arm from her captor's grip. "Haymitch, please tell these idiots who I am." I wasn't surprised that they had mistaken her for a common traveler since Effie was devoid of makeup and her outlandish wig. She looked normal with her hair in a net, her face pale but…beautiful. Her robe was open revealing a short, light pink nightgown showing off her slender legs, ample breasts and curves.

"She's the reaping escorts, assholes," I barked. I lost patience. It was total chaos. Peeta lay on the ground hit on the back of the head unnecessarily. I bent down to look him over.

"Oh dear, what happened?" Effie asked concern tingeing her voice. She looked worried.

"And why is Peeta ––is he hurt? What is going on Abernathy? Why has the train stopped and why did these gorillas board the train at this hour?"

"I don't have time to explain right now," I started as I knelt over Peeta lightly patting his face. "Peeta, Peeta?"

"Can you at least tell me what happened to him?" Effie inquired as she knelt beside me.

"That idiot over there knocked him on the head with his rifle," I explained. She stood up toe to toe with the peacekeeper confronting him. Despite her diminutive stature she was a like a momma bear protecting her cub.

"Have you lost your mind?" she squealed. "That boy was my tribute. You are not to harm any tribute in any way. That is a rule. You will have to answer to President Snow if he's hurt. He is Peeta Mellark." I snickered. Everyone in Panem knew Peeta, the Capitol's Golden Boy and the other half of the Star Crossed Lover of District 12. Today Peeta and Katniss earned their title. He was reaped never to return––their life was love story regaled throughout the Capitol. It was sickening.

"And where is Prim?" she asked as she realized her absence.

"Yes, where is tribute Prim Everdeen?" the head peacekeeper inquired.

"Gone," I explained.

"What do you mean gone, Haymitch?" she shrieked loud enough to rouse Peeta. But before I could answer Peeta moaned.

"Peeta, are you okay?" I asked. He remained seated on the ground rubbing the back of his head. His eyes were closed as he grimaced and took a deep breath. "Peeta?" His silent demeanor worried me.

He raised his knees upward. Then balanced his elbows on both kneecap as his hands cradled his head shielding his eyes. "Prim...Prim's gone," he uttered low and soft. I nodded my head afraid to answer him.

"Haymitch, what does Peeta mean Prim is gone?" Effie asked.

"The rebels attacked the train and took Prim," I answered. "There were here so fast…there was nothing I could do. Peeta barely escaped from their attempt to pull him off the train."

"Oh, dear, this is a mess," Effie stated. "They left us stranded here. It's a good thing the peacekeepers have arrived then." I winced and hoped that the soldiers didn't see my reaction.

"Well, that's good and all but, they––" I pointed to the peacekeepers "Sent a hovercraft after the rebels who took Prim and…" I stopped for second. "And for some idiotic reason, they fired at the train." Effie gasped.

"What happened?"

"I don't know but there was an explosion. You could see smoke rising from the horizon."

Peeta sobbed in silence, tears tracked down his cheeks as his lip trembled. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered to himself.

"Get status from the hovercraft now," I yelled at the peacekeepers. "I need to know if you asshole killed my tribute." Fury rose from my chest. Had Peeta accompanied Prim on that train he would have been dead as well for all I know.

"Go," the lead peacekeeper ordered one of his men.

Twenty minutes later, I couldn't get Peeta to get off the floor. He was inconsolable and immovable. He remained rooted on the ground until a peacekeeper returned with news about Prim.

"The train is destroyed, sir," he reported. "No survivors." Peeta gasped.

"Are you sure?" I asked as dread filled my chest. How am I supposed to explain this to Garrett and Lily? I was supposed to keep their daughter alive.

"Oh my God, oh my God," Peeta repeated as if he was in a trance.

"Peeta, this isn't your fault," I started. I knew well enough to nip that before he started with his self-recriminations. Peeta took everything to heart. He felt responsible for Graham's death this was no different even though Prim wasn't his sister. "Peeta. This wasn't your fault."

"Then who was it? Prim is dead, Haymitch," he howled then bent over his hands on his knees. "How am to explain this to Katniss and Mrs. Everdeen. I promised them…I p..ppro..promised. Oh fu..fuck."

"Geez, kid. Take a deep breath," I instructed as I placed a hand on his back. He shrugged me off and took a step and turned his back to me. "Peeta!"

"Prim is dead, Haymitch," he screamed from the top of his lungs. His voice echoed in the air.

"Mr. Abernathy we need to secure the area," the peacekeeper stated. "It's time to go."

"For fuck's sake, can you just give us a few minutes," I seethed in anger. "One of my tributes is dead––" I pointed to Peeta. "He's in shock. Give us a goddamn minute."

"We don't have a minute to spare. We need to leave now in case the rebels bring reinforcements. We are in an unsecured area with no support." I didn't know how many peacekeepers were left but he was right. To them we were sitting ducks unprotected and vulnerable to attacks from the rebels. Once the rebels discovered that Prim and the rescue team were killed who knew how Garrett would react? For a moment I hoped that the rebels did return but then remembered Peeta still had his tracker and so did I. And I wasn't about to drag Effie Trinket to our rebel hideout. We needed to leave before there was another confrontation between both factions––peacekeepers and rebels.

"Just..." I began. "I'll handle Peeta. Don't touch him. And if you're smart you'll listen to me and leave him to me to take care of." I stood between the peacekeeper and Peeta. He was in his own little world of grief, pain and anguish.

"My orders is to contain him and place him into protective custody until he reaches the Capitol," he announced as if he was reading a script. "And I was to do so by any means." He threatened me. I scoffed as his attempt of intimidation and fear mongering.

"Did your order by any chance tell you not to harm a single hair on his precious head?" I sneered. I didn't get it. Why is that these soldiers took shots at hurting Peeta? The peacekeeper had the decency to look guilty. "So you already disobeyed orders so here's one you should you keep in mind. Advise I will freely give you. Don't any of you lay a hand on him or I'll gladly report you to President Snow."

"You know well to protect my tributes," Effie added. "How do you think President Snow will react when he finds out you lost a tribute when it was your only job to protect them." She said with air of smugness. The peacekeepers backed off.

After a bit of coaxing, I led Peeta to a hovercraft. He was quiet during the whole trip to the Capitol. I didn't know how he mustered enough strength as I situated him into our tribute quarters. He looked lost and frightened more so than I have ever seen. It was as if he had given up his will to fight and what remaining strength he had left in him.

"Haymitch?" Effie spoke. "Is he… is he going to be okay? I mean, I knew she was his friend but was there anything going on between them? He seemed to––"

"Prim Everdeen was his girlfriend's sister," I reminded her.

"Oh, I see. I didn't see the connection. I just thought she was a relative, a cousin or something," she stated. I snorted.

"I don't know where you've been, Effie," I snickered. "You do remember that Peeta and Katniss Everdeen are the Star-Crossed Lovers of District 12?"

"I knew that Peeta was well sought and adored in the Capitol," she sniffed in an arrogant manner. "I watched his interview with Caesar Flickerman, you know?"

"Well, you must not have been paying attention," I remarked.

"I have better things to do than listen to the Capitol's new flavor of the month," Effie returned. "Star-Crossed Lover indeed. They're just children."

"Will you two stop talking about me and Katniss," Peeta spoke for the first time since leaving the train. "I'm tired, my head hurts and I really want to be left alone."

"Of course, Peeta," Effie stated in sickly sweet tone. "You're grieving, my apologies for my insensitive behavior. We, Mr. Abernathy and I are sorry. Aren't we?" She pierced her sky blue eyes towards me daring me to argue back.

"Effie, we need to send a doctor to check on him just in case he has a concussion," I suggested. God help me, the last thing Peeta need was a concussion. The doctor checked on Peeta a few minutes later. Barring from the bump on his head, he was fine though she did recommend more sleep as she noticed his bedraggled state––puffy, blood shot eyes from crying and a bit underweight. She pulled out a needle. Peeta reacted swift and in anger.

"Get away from me," he shouted. "I…I don't want––"

"Hey, stop," I barked at the medic. "Put that away. What do you think you're doing?"

"I was only going to give him a mild sedative to help him sleep?" she explained.

"Give a pill or something. Just don't pull out a needle like that," I stated. Peeta took a step back.

"I'm sorry," she returned. "I didn't expect him to react like that. I didn't mean to offend him."

"If you're done, I want to go to my room, please?" Peeta implored. The medic nodded her head. I directed an Avox to walk her out the suite.

"Peeta, go ahead and get some rest," I instructed him. "Effie will show you to your cabin." She led him out of the room. I immediately ordered a drink from one of the Avox's assigned to serve us. My mind spun wondering what the Everdeens were feeling––devastation, loss and pain. Lily and Katniss would be inconsolable and as for Garrett, he had just lost his youngest daughter. He would be raising hell for justice and revenge against Snow and the Capitol. I was loathed to speak to him right now. I wasn't a parent but I could never imagine losing child like Garrett and Jimmy.

However, I knew my priority was Peeta. He was in greater danger now more than ever. Snow had to suspect that was rescue attempt was for him. It was a good thing that he reminded me of his tracker that was embedded on his upper arm. I can't believe that I had forgotten about it. I reached over my tracker inside my forearm. You could feel it underneath the muscle. Which reminded me I still have yet to ask if he and Katniss was joining the rebellion. I knew his answer but I needed his confirmation. The kid was too much like me––a reluctant participant but willing to do what it took to free Panem and his family from further reaping ceremonies. It was too late for Prim. I had to save Peeta.

Like Jimmy I hated the idea of Peeta raising a gun in his hand but Garrett was right, he needed to be trained to defend himself. If asked he would surely volunteer to protect those he loved––his family and his friends. I had no doubt of his protective nature and instinct. Peeta would fight, and if he volunteered Katniss would be there alongside him.

The bitter taste of whiskey burned the lining in my throat. It had been weeks since I took a drink that the liquid made me cough and hack as it traveled down through my chest. Its' burning sensation was a welcomed feeling. I wanted a few hours of oblivion from the reality of Prim's death and Peeta's dire situation.

I sat up abruptly from my slumber. How long I had been asleep I wasn't sure? I winced realizing that the alcohol had done its' work as I passed out right on the couch waking up hours later. Someone was kind enough to lay a blanket on my sorry self. The room had turned chilly.

Before heading to bed, I needed to check on Peeta. His quiet demeanor worried me. It didn't help that the medic pulled out a needle to sedate him. I didn't blame him for being scared as he's drugged frequently and without his consent. I opened the door as the room was cloaked in darkness not even a window was opened for air to filter into the space. Peeta needed a window open no matter how cold it was outside. He needed fresh air. This little quirk I learned from our last visit and his bad habit of leaving a window open whenever he snuck into my home.

I gasped in horror. Peeta's bed was rumpled but empty. "Peeta?" I called out to him as I felt for the light switch. Once lit, the room was indeed empty. "Peeta, where the fuck are you?" I checked his bathroom. The door was closed so I knocked incase he was doing his business. I turned the knob and opened the door. "Fuck," I wheezed between clenched teeth. There was blood on his sink small droplets painted the porcelain surface. It wasn't a lot but it was blood, his I presumed since it was his bathroom. A small hand towel lay on the floor with a medium size patch of red staining it.

"Where the hell are you?" I was panicking. He wasn't in the suite. I debated as to waking Effie but decided against it. It was bad enough to know that Peeta was missing and I didn't want any dramatics from Effie to compound my anxiety, fear and anger. I was angry with myself for getting drunk when Peeta needed me.

I stood in the middle of the living room slowed my breathing and cleared my mind. Then it dawned on me how to find Peeta. I ran into my bedroom and opened my duffel bag. I sighed in relief as I pulled out the tracking device from the bag. Firing up the device, I waited as the screen appeared displaying a red dot on the panel. "What the fuck?" I mumbled. The dot displayed Peeta's position. It clearly showed that he was nearby at least 20 yards from where I stood. With the devise in my hand, I walked to his position. I was basically on top of his signal. Then it dawned on me where he was at––the rooftop.

Since I didn't have any patience waiting for the elevator I took the stairs two at a time. By the time I reached the roof access, I was winded out of breath and my legs ached from muscles I hadn't used in a long time. I opened the door and looked around. There was enough moonlight to illuminate the roof without the use of a flashlight.

The roof itself wasn't designed for entertaining as polar panels dominated the area. I found Peeta huddled between panels his knees drawn up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. He was asleep. As far I could tell he didn't looked injured but there were traces of blood permeating his shirt.

"Peeta, kiddo wake up," I said as I lightly shook his shoulder. He moaned but continued to sleep. "Peeta, you can't stay up here. You're dad will kill me if you catch a cold." His eyes opened slowly blinking twice before recognizing me. "What are you doing up here? You scared the shit out of me when I didn't find you in your room." He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. He looked lost and vulnerable like he did when he was a young boy. His eyes and nose were puffy and red. I could tell he had been crying earlier as his cheeks were still damp. "Peeta," I sighed.

"Prim…is gone, Haymitch," he said his lips quivered. "I told Mrs. Everdeen and Katniss that I would protect her." I nodded. "I failed. She's dead and…and ––"

"Don't Peeta. Stop," I interjected. Then I remembered the blood on the sink. "Peeta, I found blood in your bathroom. What happened?" I was relieved he was safe and looked unhurt but the blood I found disturbed me. He didn't look injured or hurt with exception of blood drops on front of his shirt.

"Oh, I had a nose bleed." My brows raised waiting for him to explain further. "I fell asleep before I had a chance to open a window. The room got stuffy." It still didn't explain his nosebleed. "When I get hot, I get a headache and a nosebleeds. And if I stay in a heated room to long I get headaches. Years from being in a closed room with heat rising from the ovens, I get nosebleeds if I don't get fresh air." Oh okay. That's why he opens his windows when he slept.

Peeta looked down at his soiled shirt. "I have blood on my hands," he said.

"Peeta?" He raised both hands palms up as if he was inspecting them.

"I have Prim's blood on my hands, just like Graham and Sonja's," he started. Pain, sadness and anguish etched on his face.

"For fuck's sake, Peeta," I barked. "What happened to Prim wasn't your fault." I never understood how he blamed himself. How could I get him to understand that it wasn't his fault? That was he was pawn manipulated by Snow, Jay and Coin?

"But it is," he screamed as he stood up and started to pace, anger radiating from his body language. This I could handle, his anger and despair. "I should have just died. All this wouldn't have happened. Graham, Sonja, all those who died during the dog attacks––Gale and Prim. They're gone because of me. Snow is pissed off that I killed his men. I resisted him when he drugged me. I keep fighting and defying him. I should have stayed in the Capitol and never came home. I should have stayed away from Katniss and her family. People I love are dying around me…" He ranted listing his transgression, but his confession of killing his men stuck out.

"Peeta, stop," I ordered him as he paced the roof in a robotic manner with his hands cradling his temples. "You did what? You killed Snow's men? When did this happen? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Huh?" He stopped pacing and faced me his eyes grew wide. I guessed he didn't realized what he had admitted.

"You said you killed his men," I repeated to him. "When?" He turned his head and avoided my eyes. "Peeta, when did this happen?"

"When Katniss and I got…when we got stuck staying in the forest overnight," he explained. "The night before Snow released the mutt dogs that killed all those people." 'Fuck,' mind swore.

"Why didn't you say anything? You and Katniss have been holding on to this secret?" I blurted. "You should have told someone, anyone." Now it made some sense why Snow was after Peeta. He had gotten away with killing his precious peacekeepers––a crime if committed and caught meant death.

"Why?" he hollered. "What good would it do? What could you have done? It's my secret and my hell––me and Katniss killing…was something I'm not proud of." I was dumbstruck. He was right because there wasn't anything I could have done or said to make him feel better. But, I knew the guilt, shame and burden of taking a life was life altering, tainting everything you saw, tasted, and felt.

When you took a life whether it was intentional or accidental, their death haunted you in your sleep. I closed my eyes and snorted. All this time, I was concern for his safety, his ability to fight and kill if necessary. He already had two kills to his name. "I see them, Haymitch. I see me killing them when I close my eyes. What good would it do to tell you and my dad?"

"Peeta," I sighed. "You can't keep something like that to yourself. If you do, the guilt will eat away at you." I know for I had taken so lives in my arena all those years ago and they still haunted me. It haunted all victors, survivors of the games. The only difference was that I was prepared to kill to survive while Peeta taking a life was happenstance.

"Dad…has…I didn't want to burden him," Peeta confessed. "He lost Graham, he's been so worried about me. I just couldn't add to his problems."

"I know you don't have to tell him because you are strong enough and man enough to handle your problems on your own. But Peeta, you have family and friends who love you. They would do anything to help you." I wished I had opened up to my family before I had lost them. After my games, I was angry, bitter, scared and self-destructive. I should have reached out for help. Maybe my life would turned out differently if I had talked to someone––my girl, my family but I was scared of losing them if they knew the things I had to do to keep them alive.

"And I would do anything to keep them safe and alive," he retorted. "And don't tell me you wouldn't have done the same if you were in my shoes." And just like that the debate or argument was closed. He was right. "I kept quiet because it's my burden alone."

"I understand Peeta," I continued. "I do, but saying it's all your fault. It's not right and it's damn well not true. You didn't instigate all this. You're still a young man with a future to hold on to and carrying the burden of fault is not yours but those who started this." I was going to name a few like Garrett, Hazelle Hawthorne's son, whoever his name is and his older brother Gale, Snow and even Coin. They were culpable. It was Peeta who paid for their mistakes and hubris. "It's just that…shit happens."

"Well, a lot of shit happens to me and people around me," he said deadpan and without humor. "I just want it to stop."

"It will, Peeta. It will," I said with confidence and determination. "Just don't lose heart or give up. That's now who you are. You didn't give on Katniss and look…she's with you now."

"Katniss," he whispered her name. "How can I face her?"

"She'll need you now more than ever. Don't run. Stop punishing yourself for things you cannot control," I stated. He shook his head. "Peeta, you can't give up now."

"I'm so tired, Haymitch," he confessed.

"Then lean on us, on me. I'll listen," I implored him. "Tell me what happened in the woods." He blinked and turned his head. "I won't judge you. I know you had to defend yourself." He narrated his experience in detail and in depth as if it happened yesterday.

"Geez, Peeta, it's no wonder that you and Katniss have kept this to yourselves," I muttered under my breath. "How is Katniss taking this?"

"It hit her hard, but we support each other," he said. "I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been there for me."

"It's great that you have each other," I reminded him.

"Yeah but for how long, Once she…" His voiced trailed off.

"She won't blame you, but she will be in pain from losing Prim. You need to be there for her, Peeta."

"That's if I ever see her again," Peeta stated. "I'm going to the arena…I'm not going to see her again."

"You will see her again," I persisted.

"You can't promise me that." He was lost, angry and in anguish from losing Prim. There was nothing I could do to comfort him, no words to encourage or provide. I too was stunned by the events that happened today…we were all shell-shocked. I wondered how everyone was faring at home in District 12. I hated to think what Garrett was doing….

Peeta and his survival was my priority.

"I realize that can't promise anything but I swear as God as my witness I will protect you as best I can," I swore. It was delusional of me to think I could protect him from Snow but…the pledge was for him and his future. He is the son I wished I had. He like Katniss, Rye and Delly were the future. "So fight Peeta. Fight so you can see Katniss again. This isn't over. You're not in the arena yet."

I escorted back to his room making sure that he was secure in his bed. It had been a long day. All our troubles were far from over. We were in the Capitol and there is no way that Peeta could be rescued before the games. I needed to talk to Jay because something had to be done.

With my mind still focused, I went to his bathroom and filled a glass with water. Inside one of the cabinets I found a small dark blue vial.

"Here drink this," I said to Peeta as he sat on his bed. I extended the glass of water and two very small light purple pills. "And take this."

"What is that?" he asked suspicion in his eyes. The poor kid had been drugged unknowingly in the past. I wasn't about to lose his trust and tricking him as well.

"It'll help you sleep," I told him. He shook his head.

"No," he said in an adamant and determined manger. "No pills."

"Peeta, I know that you haven't slept well in days," I expressed. It was obvious with the circles underneath his eyes and sallow complexion.

"No pills, Haymitch," he repeated.

I sighed due to impatience, concern and aggravation. "Peeta, I could have easily slipped you some sleeping serum so you can get some sleep."

"I don't like…I get nightmares," he confessed. "When I go to sleep I get nightmares of me killing those peacekeepers."

"I understand, but these will guarantee that you'll sleep through the night," I promised him. "They're very strong. I'm only recommending this for tonight." He tilted his head. "These are addictive if you take it frequently. You need sleep and rest, Peeta. The next few days…weeks are going to be stressful and hard for you. I promise you that you won't have any nightmares. Just take it."

"I don't want to take them," he insisted. "If I get tired, I'll take naps."

I laughed. "Peeta, what makes you think you'll be able to take naps while you're training as a tribute?" I sighed slow and heavy. "Peeta, please trust me and take this. You need sleep, one good full night of uninterrupted sleep."

I stayed with him until his eyes shut from weariness and the affects of the pill lulled him to sleep. Mission accomplished. I headed back to the living room and dropped my aching body on the plush sofa. I was tired but my mind was alert. I took a large gulp of whiskey straight from the bottle. Effie can yell and scream at me for all I care because this was definitely the last bottle I would indulge in. No alcohol after tonight.

A bottle of whiskey later, I made a decision. It was time that Peeta was indoctrinated in the rebellion. It was time that he knew who he was fighting with as he was risking his life for those he loved. He needed to know who was the MockingJay. He deserved to know. I stood up with shaky legs and a woozy mind. The alcohol had done its' job. The room spun but I managed to traverse my way to Peeta's room to check up on him one last time before I headed to my own quarters. I slowly opened his door. The room was shrouded in darkness. The curtains swayed and danced with the slight breeze as it aired out the room. Beams of moonlight spotlighted the floor. Despite my inebriated state I appreciated the peace and quiet time for who knew how long we had before all hell broke loose.

From within the room, I heard a light snore. I smiled if only briefly knowing that Peeta was finally asleep and hopefully resting.

The next morning, I woke up listening to tinny voice piercing my head and eyeballs.

"Get up Abernathy," Effie pronounced as she haphazardly opened the curtain to my room aiming the bright sunlight on my face. The sound of the rings on the curtain rods grated in my ears. "It's a brand new day. Rise and shine. We have much work to do."

"Fuck, Effie!" I swore as if someone had lodged a knife through my temples. I sat up stiff and having the mother of all headaches I had ever experienced. I ignored her as she rambled on for a few seconds until I heard Peeta's name between sentences.

"What? What about Peeta?" I said as pain radiated and blossomed in my head and between the eyes.

"There's an announcement this morning coming from Snow," she continued. "I guess he needs to address what happened to our female tribute."

Of course he did. He couldn't afford any rumors or speculation. How was he going to explain the death of a tribute who was on her way to the Capitol? For months he was able to suppress the rumors of a rebellion from each district but lately it was getting harder for him to control the rumors or his own media. Snow was slowly losing control.

"Where is Peeta?" I said momentarily panicking.

"He's waiting for you to join us for breakfast," she explained.

"You should have started without me, you know and left me to die in my bed from alcohol poisoning," I winced as words were pain to pronounce. My tongue was coated and numb from the alcohol.

"I would have but Peeta said that was rude and wanted your presence at breakfast," she explained. "Anyway, you need to shower, shave and make yourself presentable. You are a role model and mentor for District 12. Please dress and behave accordingly." It was the same speech she preached every year––word for word to be exact.

"Whatever, Effie. Just leave me be," I said. "Give me a few minutes to get my shit together."

"Really, Haymitch. Must you be so vulgar," she snorted. "Manners."

"Get the fuck out of my room if my language bothers you," I barked.

"Well, I've never," she returned having been dismissed. After a quick shower and change of clothes, I sauntered into the dining room. Peeta was already seated but Effie was nowhere to be seen.

"Morning Haymitch," Peeta greeted me. I didn't have the energy to answer him back as I grunted in return. "You look like shit."

"Don't look so hot yourself kid," I teased back. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a rock."

"Any nightmares?" I shifted in my chair. Moving was painful as my muscles rebelled against me. Peeta pitied me as he poured coffee into my mug.

"No, I slept well. Thank you Haymitch," he said. Peeta looked pale but he did appear rested.

"You're welcome. Just don't expect do take that every night," I reminded him. "Those pills can be very addictive." He nodded his head in understanding. Effie entered the room with flamboyant flair and a loud greeting.

"Good morning, boys," her voice pitched to a higher decibel. I winced in reaction. I was hung over but despite my fried brain and muddle state I could still appreciate her attire. She wore a tight fitting body suit that clung to her curves, her ample breast and lean waistline. Underneath the overly garish, colorful and ridiculous wigs, the layers of white foundation and gaudy makeup, District 12 reaping escort Effie Trinket was a beautiful woman. It boggled my mind why she hid her natural beauty.

Peeta stood up as she entered the room. "You're such a gentleman Peeta," she cooed. "Unlike that barbarian over there." She pointed to me. "It's nice to know that one remembers to stand when a lady enters a room."

"You're no lady, I countered back. She returned to me a deathly glare. I chuckled. She was easily riled and distracted.

"Do you take coffee or tea, Effie?" Peeta asked.

"Suck up," I said under my breath as I sipped a bit of my coffee.

Breakfast was quick and uneventful. Just as the table was cleared, the Capitol monitor turned on. Caesar Flickerman appeared on screen. He pronounced his usual greeting then the screen switched over to reveal President Snow inside his mansion.

"Good morning Panem," Snow began. My stomach churned from anxiety. I looked to Peeta gauging his reaction. He too looked stunned and anxious as well. Effie was subdued and quiet her hands clasped on her lap. "As you've heard that there are rumors concerning the female tribute from District 12. Let me put your mind at ease and put all rumors to rest. Late last night the tribute train from District 12 suffered mechanical failure and there was an explosion. I am grieved to announce that Tribute Prim Everdeen was a casualty due to the unfortunate accident.

Today we will cease any activity related to the games. Training for the games will commence tomorrow. For my citizens in District 12 I feel your loss and your pain. Let us ask for a moment of silence for Prim Everdeen and her family." I snorted. Snow had a lot of nerve using Prim to portray himself as a kind and gentle ruler who cared for his tributes. He was nothing but a tyrant for he cared for no one. Peeta struggled to hold back his tears as Effie's head was turned down for a moment of reflection.

"I have yet to discuss with the Head Game Keeper what must be done since we are one less tribute in the arena. I will make a formal announcement of my decision," he said with finality. "Thank you Panem for undying devotion and may the odds be forever be in our favor." The screen blackened leaving us stunned and confused.

"What does he mean his decision?" Effie asked. "What does he need to decide? Prim is dead. What else can he do?"

"I think he means to hold another lottery for district 12," I explained. Peeta gasped in horror.

"Can he do that?"

"Yes, he has to," I sighed. "It's the only solution. Each arena must be played with 12 tributes. Snow may be powerful but he's also superstitious––he needs 12 tributes. This happened before. Twenty years ago, one of the tributes died in an accident and Snow implemented a rule that another tribute has to be called from the same district. He will reap another female from 12."

"That…that means he can call anyone," Peeta guessed his breath was ragged as he pushed air through his mouth. "Haymitch, he can…he can reap Delly. There's nothing to stop him from rigging the lottery again."

"I thought of that," I admitted. "But he won't. I don't think he can risk it." I was hopeful but doubtful as well. There was a chance that Snow would call Delly. "Who are you close to or friends with?" I winced soon as I finished my sentence. Peeta stared back at me as if I grew two heads and gave birth to twins. "Sorry, you have a lot of friends, like Madge Undersee."

"Oh, God, she's Katniss' friend as well," Peeta reiterated. "I can't believe it." I knew I had to do something––anything to ease him guilt and sense of responsibility.

"Since Snow declared that there will no training today or lessons for the games," I started. "We have a day off."

"Yes, President Snow did say that," Effie confirmed. "Oh I can visit Peeta's stylist, or maybe I'll––"

"Do whatever you like Effie. Peeta and I will be visiting a friend of mine," I interrupted her. I didn't care to know her itinerary. Peeta and I had pressing matter to attend. This was my only allotted time with no guards, security that surrounded Peeta. He was free to do anything today that wasn't game related. This was my chance to speak to Jay, but I had to be discreet and careful. We both have trackers embedded into our arms so we could be easily tracked. We couldn't leave the city limits. The gamekeepers would be alerted once we breached the city's boundary.

"Will you return for lunch or dinner?" she asked. "I must let the chef know if he needs to prepare any meals today."

"Um…we'll make it back for dinner. As a matter of fact, why don't you tell the chef that I'll be bringing two dinner guests?"

"Okay," Effie said in return. "Now boys if you will excuse me I must start my day. So many things to do." She flittered away like a bird on a mission.

"Come on, let's go," I ordered Peeta.

"Where are we going?" he inquired. "I really don't feel like going anywhere, Haymitch." His face scrunched like he ate something sour. "I…people will…I don't want a bunch of people staring at me today." Ah, I had momentarily forgotten about his celebrity status in the Capitol. The last time we were here people hounded him. The attention bothered Peeta. He was unaccustomed to fawning around him. "Wait here for a second." I ran into the dressing rooms.

"Here wear this." I threw a shaggy, brown wig and a long jacket with a hood to cover his head. I also brought one jacket for myself since people recognized me.

"I'm not––"

"Peet, we're wasting time. Wear the damn wig and jacket," I demanded. The pounding in my head intensified. I could barely contain my breakfast and my body ached. "Let's go." I gave him no room to argue. Throughout our ride Peeta kept his head down. Once we reached our destination, he sighed a big and deep breath that he exhaled through his mouth.

"Where are we?" he asked his curiosity peaked as he noticed our surroundings. The building was located at the most wealthiest and elitist part of the Capitol. They were my 'friends' who contributed to the tributes during the games. They were sponsors.

The two panels, golden encrusted doors were tall standing from floor to the ceiling. It monetary worth was probably the value of the entire merchant town. As heavy as they appeared they opened quietly and smoothly revealing a woman dressed in a shimmering silver-purple gown wearing a silver wig that matched her steel colored eyes.

"Haymitch, my dear," she gushed as she kissed me on both cheeks and wrapped her two arms around me. "This is a surprise. I thought Antoine said that we were meeting for dinner tomorrow evening?"

"Hello, Dess," I greeted her. "Can we come inside?"

"Sorry, my manners. Please come inside." She waved her hand as she led us through the doors.

"Who is your friend?" she asked her brows furrowed in curiosity. I turned to Peeta and nodded my head. Peeta lowered his head and removed his wig.

"Peeta, this is my dearest friend Desdemona. She and her husband Antoine have been my friends for over twenty years," I announced. Peeta shook her hand.

"Oh, my dear…Peeta Mellark as I live and breath," she giggled. "You are a treasure." I smirked at her girlish compliment and her reaction to his presence. Even a woman of her age and status Dessie adored and acted like a schoolgirl. She hugged him tight that Peeta grunted in surprised and horror. "Haymitch, you should have told me you were bringing him so I could have dressed properly." She touched her face and gown.

"You…look beautiful," Peeta commented. "You don't need to change or anything."

"Oh, you're such a so sweet to say so. How adorable you are." She pinched his cheeks. "You're handsome, young and lean. A big strapping young man like you, why all the girls in the Capitol talk about you. You are gorgeous in person and so charming––"

"All right already. I think you've embarrassed him long enough," I berated her as I noticed Peeta's rosy cheeks. "Where's Antoine? I really need to talk to him now."

"Let me get him," Dessie said as she left us alone. "Please make yourself comfortable."

Once she was gone and out of hearing distance Peeta turned to me. He looked ill at ease. "Haymitch, what are we doing here? Who are these people?"

"These people are my friends and allies," I began.

"Allies?"

I sighed. "Antoine and Desdemona were my sponsors when I was in my arena."

"I don't understand. How? They look the same age as you." I laughed.

"Antoine and Dessie are Capitol bred and born," I started. "You do know about plastic surgery right?" He nodded his head. "They're thirty years older than me. They don't look it, do they?"

"Oh," Peeta responded. "You still haven't told what we're doing here." Before I could explain Dessie entered the room with her husband besides her.

"Haymitch," Antoine greeted me as he shook my hand. "It is good to see you my friend."

"This is Peeta," I announced. "Peeta, this is Antoine."

"Yes, Snow's Golden Boy," he stated as he looked him over from head to toe. "Hello Peeta."

"Hello, sir." He extended his hand as Peeta stood tall and proud. "It is very nice to meet you." Antoine's perfectly manicured brow raised in amusement.

"Dessie is right," he spoke as he turned his head to her. "You, Peeta are quite a well mannered young man. Your parents raised you well." I snorted.

"Cut the bullshit, Antoine, we need to talk," I said.

"I know, Haymitch," he began. "I heard about your female tribute. I'm sorry––"

"Listen, I don't have time to waste," I interjected. "My priority right now is Peeta. I need… I need to talk to Jay now."

"I…don't think it's a good idea." He eyed Peeta.

"He's in," I said. "He's all in. Peeta and Katniss are volunteering to join us," I presumed.

"Haymitch, I haven't told anyone…I didn't tell me dad what I decided," Peeta stuttered. I cocked my head in frustration.

"Peeta, am I wrong?" I interjected. "Was I wrong to assume that you and Katniss had decided to join us?" He shook his head. "We don't have time to waste. You need to know the man whose life you are risking for."

"Do you think that's a good idea," he asked. "I mean what if Snow asks me like the last time?"

"He won't ask you, Peeta," Antoine answered him. "He's not allowed to call you or visit. If people knew, it's like he's favoring you over the rest of the tributes. He has to show impartiality. It wouldn't be fair to the other tributes." Then he turned to me. "Why now and here? Haymitch, there are risks involved. You coming here now was risky and dangerous."

"He starts training tomorrow. Who knows if Snow bugged the penthouse," I argued. "This is the only time Peeta has a chance to meet Jay."

"Have you discussed this with Jay? I don't think it's prudent––"

"Just do it already," I said in an impatient manner. "Get in touch with him as soon as you can." Antoine knew better than to argue with me. He and Dessie left the room. Weary, tired and hung over, I plopped by aching body on the sofa. I had been tense ever since we left the penthouse. Every sound grated my nerves and pierced my ear drums.

A few minutes later, Dessie arrived tray in hand with a pitcher and two tall glasses. She extended a glass to Peeta. "Please excuse my manners for not asking you if you wanted refreshments. Would you care for some raspberry lemonade?" Peeta nodded his head. She poured him a glass. "And this is for you." She too filled a glass for me but before I could refuse her, she shook her head vigorously. "You will drink this to alleviate your hangover." Before handing over the glass she dropped two white pills into the liquid. "Don't argue with me and just drink it."

No one argued with Dessie I found out the hard way. "It'll be a couple of hours before Antoine can get a hold of Jay. You know that he cannot respond right away. So you might as well rest while you're staying here. You know where our guestroom is located." I stood up to leave. "And I better find you on the bed and not slouched on the armchair."

"Women," I muttered under my breath. "Thank God, I'm not married. Damn women always so bossy."

"Hmph…there's nothing wrong with marriage, Haymitch," Dessie snorted. "You just never found the right woman. Just admit you like us fussing over you." Images of pale smooth skin, piercing blue eyes flashed in my mind. Then I remembered the gaudy wigs, layer of white foundation and garish clothes. I shook my head to vanquish the images.

"Antoine married the best girl in Panem," I teased. I wasn't lying he was lucky when he married Desdemona. She was a treasure despite being a Capitolite. In public they acted like everyone self absorbed, wasteful and heartless, but in private they kind,

"Flatterer and liar," she returned with a saccharine smile. "So Peeta, do you play chess?" Her words carried throughout the cavernous hallway in her home. I easily found the room. Removing my jacket was not easy as my arms weren't cooperative. After a minute or so struggling with my jacket, I dropped on the bed face down and I will myself to relax.

Dessie was right. Even if Jay received Antoine's message who knew when he could respond. But this was an emergency. Prim was dead and Peeta is in the Capitol.

The pill worked it's magic as I struggled to keep awake. The next thing I knew Antoine shook me awake. "What time is it?" I asked as I sat up on the bed. I didn't want to leave the comfort of the soft sheets and linen as I felt relaxed for the first time in days. I still felt a dull ache in my noggin but I felt better, rested.

"A little past 3," he informed me. "You slept through lunch."

"What? Why did you let me sleep too long?" I stood up so fast my head spun. "Where's Peeta?"

"Haymitch, relax and slow down. Peeta is fine," he assured me. I trusted Antoine and Dessie. It was Peeta I was concerned with. I didn't want him to think that he needed a babysitter while I was passed out in bed.

"As a matter of fact," he added. "He is another room taking a nap. Poor kid looks like he needed sleep for a whole week."

"He needs a whole month," I corrected him. I sat down on the edge of bed. "Any news on Jay." I scrubbed my face with my hand.

"That's why I woke you up," Antoine informed him. "He'll be contacting us in ten minutes. I thought you might want to get Peeta ready."

This was the moment I had to admit that I'm scared for Peeta's reaction. Without any more delays, I tiptoed into his room. To my surprise he wasn't in bed but sitting by a window looking at the view. On his lap was a drawing pad. I guess Dessie provided something to entertain himself with I while slept most of the day. The distraction must have helped since looked at ease.

"Peeta, it's time," I announced. He didn't react but stood up and followed me to the living room where both Antoine and Dessie were waiting for us.

I noticed that they shut their curtains in the room. "Ready," Antoine asked. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He turned to me but his eyes were fixed on Peeta.

"He needs to know," I stated. "Ready Peeta? Are you ready to meet the person whose life you've been risking for? Revealing his identity will change your life forever and you can't back out now and change your mind?"

"Yes, Haymitch, I'm ready," he asserted. "This might be my only chance to meet him."

Antoine turned on the monitor. The screen revealed foliage, someplace that was familiar to Peeta. Our leader the MockingJay appeared in his usual attire, black pants, shirt, and boots. He still wore the hoodie covering his face and a cloth over his mouth.

"Peeta, I want you to meet Jay," I began. "You would have met him with Katniss but due to circumstances beyond our control it made it impossible. So this is the best we can do."

Peeta stood closer to the monitor. "Hello, Peeta," Jay spoke without the devise that changed his voice. Peeta gasped as the look on his face changed from surprise to recognition then devastation. This was not how I imagined he'd react.

"It's you," he said in a hollow voice.

---

Katniss POV ––

I woke up abruptly not recognizing the room I had slept in. Then like lightning memories of the night before resurfaced as tears tracked down my cheeks. I clutched onto the pillow against my chest. The scent of vanilla, yeast and Peeta's essence lingered on the cloth. I missed him, I miss Prim and Peeta so much that my body ached from missing them. My chest felt heavy like I couldn't breath. My thoughts returned to last night's events.

---

Flashback ––

My scream reverberated through the cavernous walls. "What is happening?" I hollered again. "Dad, what is––"

"Katniss, please keep quiet," he yelled back. "If you can't control yourself I'm going to haul your ass out of here." I gasped in shock. My calm, mild tempered father never screamed at me. Not ever. My mother, she was a different story. She and I shared the same temperament and impatience. We had screaming matches that raised rooftops whenever we argued which was not frequent but epic when we fought. It was no hold bars between us but with my father, he had the patience of a saint. Just like my Peeta. But I knew that my father had his limits.

With my dad yelling and scolding me, he made me like I was child. I was scared out of my mind with worry and fear for Prim and Peeta. "Dad?" I held back a sob.

"Be quiet and listen," he demanded. This man in front of me was someone I never knew. He intimidated me––a feeling I was not accustomed to. He was unrecognizable. The radio was silent. All of us held our breath.

"Shit, go, go, go," someone yelled. "Disable the damn coupling and go." There was a loud clanking sound.

"Peeta, Peeta," I heard Prim scream. "I don't want to go. You can't leave him. You can't." She was hysterical and was sobbing at the same time.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but orders are orders," the female voice responded.

"You left him. You left him behind," she continued to sob. I felt her pain and anger. It was obvious that the rescue team left Peeta behind. I was overjoyed that they rescued my sister but Peeta stayed behind. Why?

"We have the female tribute," the voice announced. "I repeat we have the female tribute. We're heading towards our rendezvous point. ETA in ten minutes. Engaging Snowfall countermeasure." 'What the fuck was he talking about,' my mind screamed. I looked to my dad for an explanation and assurance. He raised his eyes towards but ignored me.

"Dad?" I spoke as I tried to get his attention. He dismissed me. His behavior stung. Jimmy placed an arm around my shoulder. He looked in pain and agony. 'Peeta was left behind,' a voice in my head repeated. He and I commiserated in misery and pain over Peeta and Prim.

A few minutes later the lead rebel screamed an order, "Everyone get off the train now." There were sounds of movement and voices yelling and screaming. "Everyone go."

"Sir, hovercrafts arriving in 1 minute."

"Are the explosives installed," the lead rebel asked.

"Yes sir. Detonation in 30 seconds once the hovercraft on approach at minimum distance," the voice returned.

"Go, go. Keep heading south. Get our package to safety and back to camp now," lead rebel commanded. I sighed in relief. Prim was safe. The rebels rescued my sister.

"Going on radio silence," he said. Everyone sighed in relief. Everyone but Jimmy and me.

Half of me was relieved that Prim was rescued and safe, but the other half? I was angry because Peeta stayed behind. I didn't know why. No one, no even dad or Jimmy could explain it. He had the chance to escape but decided to stay. Now Peeta was in the Capitol as the only tribute from District 12.

Before heading home last night, word spread that Prim died during the attempted rescue. The hovercraft was sent to retrieve her as they fired on the main engine room. It was reported that the explosion hit the main fuel tank causing it to destroy the whole train, engine and the compartments that were attached to it. "No survivors," the Peacekeepers reported. It was the last transmission sent.

End of Flashback ––

---

The scent of yeast and flour permeated the air. Being in Peeta's room gave me a sense of peace as I burrowed myself into his bedding and pillows but it was fleeting when I remembered that he was in the Capitol. "I love you Peeta. Thank you for keeping my sister safe," I said to myself. I held back the tears that threatened to fall.

I sat up and met the day with a heavy heart. Since yesterday was the reaping ceremony, the school was closed the next day. It was too stressful for everyone to resume back to normal life as if yesterday didn't happen. All the stores were closed. The whole town and district shut down.

"Katniss?" Delly's voice seeped behind the closed door. "Dad wants to know if you want to join us for breakfast?" she asked her voice soft and low.

"Yes, I'll be there in a few minutes," I answered back and stood up to answer the door. Delly jumped in surprised her face in shock as she looked me over from head to toe. I wore Peeta's dark blue and orange stripped button down shirt. Its' length covered my thighs half way. I even had his bright orange socks on my feet.

"Good morning," she smirked.

"Morning Delly," I said in return hoping that the blush on my face was not too obvious on my olive skin complexion. "Um, can I take a quick shower before breakfast?"

"Sure, you know where the bathroom is," she reminded me.

"Yeah, but I um…I packed so fast last night that I forgot to pack my shampoo and soap––"

"Use whatever is in the bathroom, Katniss," she said. "I have my stuff in there already so go ahead and use it. I don't mind." She smiled. Delly looked pale not her usual rosy cheeks and complexion. I envied her flawless smooth skin. She was devoid of any imperfections with her long dark blond eyelashes and brows and aquiline nose. It was obvious that she was suffering from morning sickness as her eyes were dull and weary.

"You can use Peeta's towels," she added. "They've been washed earlier this week. You know what color it is when you see them hanging on the rack."

"Thanks Delly," I returned. I smiled once I reached the room recognizing the towel she mentioned––they were orange.

After a quick shower I headed towards the kitchen to join Jimmy, Delly and Rye for breakfast. Tyler was on Rye's knee as he spoon-fed him warm oatmeal with little bits of banana. I smiled as I listened to Tyler hum each time he ate a mouthful. He ate greedily.

"Morning, Katniss," Jimmy greeted me. He looked as though he hasn't slept all night. There were large purple bags underneath his eyes. Me, I woke up several times in a foreign bed but once I was remembered where I was I fell back to sleep dreaming of Peeta. "Did you sleep okay?"

"I slept okay, Jimmy," I said. "Thanks again for letting me stay in Peeta's room." He nodded his head his eye sad and miserable. Rye noticed his dad's somber behavior.

"What's going on, Dad?" he asked. Tyler reached over and stuck his thumb up Rye's nose.

"Hey you stop that, muffin," Rye scolded him in a playful manner. "Uncle Peeta may like that but I don't."

"Muffin?" I said. 'Who the hell calls––' my mind started.

"That's what Peeta calls Tyler, his muffin," Delly explained. "He was so adorable about it."

"Figures," I snickered. Peeta, the baker's son nicknamed his nephew muffin. How adorable.

"It's better than what he nicknamed him the first time we saw him," Rye laughed. "When Peeta saw Tyler the first time he called him 'doodle bug.' But then changed it to doo doo bug when he helped changed his diaper." He chuckled.

"You should have seen Graham's face," Delly giggled as well. "He was not happy." Especially when Sonja started calling him doo doo bug as well," Rye added.

"Yeah, but then do you remember what Sonja also called him, he called Tyler lamb chop." Rye burst in to tears from laughter. "Graham was like, 'no more pet names for my son.' So Peeta would call him muffin or strudel when he wasn't around." Talking about Peeta made my heart hurt but at least it put Jimmy at ease if only for a few seconds as he too laughed at the memories.

After the laughter died, Delly sniffled. "I miss him. I miss Peeta's cheese buns."

"You would," Rye teased his wife. "I miss…his cheese buns too." We nodded in agreement. The air in the room grew thick. It was hard to make any conversation knowing that Peeta was absent in our lives.

Suddenly, the monitor turned on. Every single one of us gasped in surprised. Jimmy looked at me when Snow appeared on screen.

"Good morning Panem," Snow began. We listened to Snow as he pretended to care for us, to care that Prim was dead when Jimmy and I knew she wasn't. She was alive and being cared for by the rebels who rescued her. I hoped she was okay and not frightened. She had never been anywhere outside of District 12. She was in company of strangers.

"Oh my God, Katniss, I'm so sorry," Delly sobbed.

"Delly, Prim is––" I started to speak when Jimmy interrupted me. Before coming back to the bakery, Dad had advised or rather ordered to not tell anyone that Prim was still alive. I didn't argue at the time because I was too relieved and overjoyed knowing that she was safe.

"Katniss, I think you should go home and see your parents," he startled me. "They need you now. Now that Prim is…gone."

"Yes, I should go home," I agreed. I couldn't keep the pretense or continue to lie to Rye and Delly. But Jimmy was right. Though the news was false, I had to pretend that I was grieving for Prim. I ran into the room and put on Peeta's light jacket. Just as I was about to head downstairs Jimmy handed me a brown paper bag. Inside were two freshly baked loaves of bread––the same kind that Peeta threw at me all those years ago.

Memories of that day flooded my mind and senses. It felt like it happened days ago. "Tell your parent to come over for dinner this evening. We're family now and family sticks together."

Delly hugged me before I could make my escape. "I'm sorry Katniss," she said tears dripping from her eyes. "Peeta must be devastated. He loved her like a little sister." I nodded my head.

"Stay safe, Katniss. Remember what your father said to you," Jimmy reminded me. I couldn't tell anyone anything, how Prim was rescued but Peeta wasn't, and that he and I were joining the rebellion.

I ran home as fast as I could. "Mom, Dad," I yelled just as I opened the door. Mom and Dad were in the living room. The secret was too hard to contain.

I ran home needing to see my parents. "Katniss," Mom greeted me with open arms. I ran straight to her crushing the paper bag between us. "What's wrong honey?"

"You saw the announcement from Snow this morning, didn't you?" I asked.

"Yes of course, we did," Dad confirmed. "I'm glad you came home."

"Jimmy told me to," I admitted. "Thank God he suggested it. I didn't know how to react or say to Rye and Delly. I hate that I have to lie to them, dad?"

"We have to," he stated. "The less people know the less people will be in danger. Do you understand?"

"It doesn't make it right."

"No, it isn't but sometimes people do things that they would never do under normal circumstances. Things to keep their family safe and alive." Dad was being cryptic and mysterious as if he kept a secret from me and mom. But then I remembered the secret that Peeta and I kept to our selves; that Peeta and I killed two Peacekeepers in the woods weeks ago. Taking a life was something I'd never though I'd do but Peeta's life was in danger and I didn't hesitate. And neither did he.

For the better part of the day I stayed at the Seam in my…Prim's and my bedroom. I didn't want to see anyone as visitors came to convey their condolences. Hazelle came over with her family giving mom and dad support and comfort for our loss. I winced as she openly cried for Prim. Rory was quiet and subdued with his head down. I felt bad for Rory because I knew she had a crush on Prim. He had also lost his older brother Gale weeks ago. I wished I could tell him that all of it was a lie but I couldn't.

I feigned grief and devastation locking myself in my bedroom as I pretended to cry and wanted to be left alone. I felt happy that Prim was alive but guilty at the same time lying to friends. I was surprised that so many visitors came to visit us. People I barely spoke to came because of Prim. I never realized how well loved she was by our neighbor and friends. "Katniss," mom called my name through my bedroom door. "Madge is here to see you." I winced. How was I supposed to pretend I'm grieving for Prim in front of my best friend?

"Hi, Katniss," Madge greeted with a hug. I immediately felt guilty knowing that I had to lie to her. I choked back the sob in my throat. She was my friend and she didn't deserved to be lied to but…it was for her own good. That was what I said to myself to ease my guilty conscience. 'It's for their own good,' I remind myself in my head.

"Thank you for coming," I returned.

"Prim was my friend too, Katniss," she sighed. Her eyes were red and puffy. She was obviously grieving as well. "Is it okay if I hang out with you for a while. You're mom said that you've been hiding out all morning. If you want to be left alone I'll understand."

"No, I'm glad you came," I said. I was relieved to see her. "I really don't want to stay here. Do you want to hang elsewhere?"

"Sure," she stated. "But won't your mom and dad want you to be here with them?" I looked to my parents. Mom was serving tea to neighbor while dad tried to appear grief-stricken. I couldn't handle the lying to everyone in the room.

"I need to get out of here, Madge."

Once I was out the door, I sighed in relief. "Where do you want to go?"

"It doesn't matter," I uttered. "I needed to get out of there." It was true to say the least.

"I know someplace quiet and we won't be disturbed," Madge informed me. "There's a lot of places to hang out but this place, I guarantee no one will find us there." Curious, I followed her lead. I smiled as I realized she was leading me to cemetery. "I know it's kinda creepy but…I really like it here. It's quiet and peaceful. Peacekeeper don't patrol this particular area often. And you can see why."

She led me to the other side of the cemetery not the same area Peeta and I spent together. Memories of our time here flashed in my head. They were good memories. We sat underneath a large tree that shielded us from the blazing sun. Before us was a field of old tombstones years of neglect was apparent as some stones were covered with plants and earth. Old and new tributes were buried in this section. The most prominent one was Maysilee Donner, Madge's aunt. On her grave was small statuette a tribute made by her fellow surviving partner, Haymitch Abernathy. The statue was three feet tall and made of marble.

"I visit this place when I need to be alone," she said. We remained quiet appreciating the silence surrounding us. "I'm really sorry about Prim." I kept my mouth shut because part of me wanted to shout 'Prim is alive.' "And I'm really sorry about Peeta. You must be devastated losing them." At least that part was true I was devastated. I wanted to confront my dad and ask what the rebels were going do to rescue Peeta but I couldn't, not in front of the guests.

Then I noticed that her eyes kept looking at a particular tombstone located not far off from Maysilee's gravesite. I didn't want to impose but she peaked my curiosity. Just when I was about to ask her she beat me to the punch. "You must be wondering why I like it here. I mean I never met my Aunt Maysilee, she died before I was born." She stood up and I followed her. This was one thing I liked about Madge we didn't need a lot of words between us.

She stopped at a small gravestone. This grave stone was special, it was made of marble like the statue and was well kept. There were flowers on top of it that it hid the name of the owner––the poor soul who was buried there. It was someone Madge obviously cared about. She picked up the wilted plants. On the stone there was a named etched in cursive writing, 'Miller Delmont.' His name sounded familiar. Miller was reaped on the 71st Hunger Games. He was fifteen at the time just like Madge and me. Miller was a tall lean Merchant boy with wavy ash blond hair and hazel eyes. I remembered because he was just as tall as Gale. He was rumored to have been fathered by a Seam boy but because of his pale complexion and hair color he was accepted as a Merchant. However, everyone knew he was part Seam as his eye color gave him away.

"My parents detested the Delmonts," she started to explain. "I don't why because when we were younger we used to visit their home a lot. Our parents were best friends. But something happened over the years and our parents started fighting. It was the worse timing because Miller and I…we started to see each other. We attracted to each other for years but denied it because our parents wanted to unite our families. But then one year when we were fifteen it just happened." She chuckled as if she was recalling a memory as she sported a big smile on her face.

"We were fighting and I don't remember why and he just grabbed me and kissed me," she giggled. "And I slapped him…but you know what he did? He kissed me again telling me I was driving him crazy, that he had been attracted to me for years and now that our parents were fighting, he wanted me like I wanted him."

"Did you admitted being attracted to him," I inquired. She sounded just like Peeta and I but with me I was oblivious of Peeta's to me and my own denial of my attraction to him.

"Hell, no," she snickered. "I made him chase after me not admitting anything. So we flirted a lot. And I told him he couldn't kiss me like that without my permission." She laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. "It was rude and ungentlemanly behavior. And he must have agreed because for weeks he didn't try to touch me or kiss me again. He drove me insane wanting him and the bastard knew it. I thought I could resist him but it was me that who finally caved." She giggled.

"What do you mean?" This was a side of Madge I never knew––flirty and giddy.

"After weeks of flirting with him, and let me tell you he was notorious when he flirted with me," she explained. "It was me that gave in. I practically…" Her complexion grew red.

"What?" I squealed. I placed a hand over my mouth. I didn't recognize the sound that seeped through my lips. I never squeal. Prim would have been very surprised and amused.

"It was our second kiss that lasted hours and I ended walking home funny," she confessed. This time she blushed bright red.

"You walked home funny?" I repeated. "What do you mean you walked home funny?" Madge scowled at me. "What?"

"You and Peeta haven't had sex yet?" she said in an astounded manner.

"That not it's any of your business," I spat.

"Oh Katniss, you're so pure," she snickered. "Don't tell me that you didn't take advantage of Peeta's generous…proportions." I retaliated in kind and scowled back at her.

"How the hell would you know about my boyfriend's…proportions?" I screeched at her. I knew that Peeta was never with any girl 'in that way.' He admitted it but Madge was aware of Peeta's attributes? Who else ogled at my boyfriend's anatomy?

"Oh for crying out loud, Katniss," Madge returned in a frustrated tone. "All the girls both Seam and Merchant are aware of Peeta's well endowed package."

"What? What the hell does that mean?" 'Both Seam and Merchant?'

"Katniss, the singlet he wore during his wrestling matches doesn't leave much imagination. Good God woman, he'd leaving you walking funny too, you know. If you two had sex already."

"Oh? Oh," I said when it finally dawned on me what she meant. I thought about my boyfriend and the opportunities we missed. The two nights we spent remembering how his hot mouth sucked on my pert nipples. "That was fast."

"You mean between Miller and me? Not really if you think about it," she uttered. "We were attracted to each for years, even though we denied it. And those weeks of flirting was our courtship because we would sneak out for our dates hoping that our parents wouldn't find out. I got to know to know him a lot during those weeks. We actually had conversations. We tried to spent time together as much as we could, but it was difficult because of our parents." She sat down next to Miller's gravestone. "We talked about our future, we made plans."

I was shocked at her revelation. At fifteen all I concentrated on was keeping my family fed. Dad was still sick and mom was emotionally and physically unavailable that I became the primary provider in my family. Love and marriage was the last thing on my mind. But Peeta was always present in the back of my mind like a shadow or ghost that haunted me.

"At one point, I thought I was pregnant," she confessed. I gasped in surprise. "We thought we were careful and he got mad at me. I mean, it wasn't like I got pregnant on purpose but he accused me anyway. We both just turned sixteen at the time. We were fighting because I wanted to tell me parents. I didn't want to hide our relationship anymore and he wasn't ready." She had tears in her eyes. "We made up because we were having a baby. He apologized and said that he was scared. We were too young to have kids and we both still eligible for the games. It was a mess."

"So what happened?"

"We were going to tell our parents after the reaping ceremony," she began. "He was going to propose, but Miller was called. My whole world was destroyed. I was pregnant and Miller was reaped."

"What happened to your baby, Madge?"

"I was devastated, I didn't eat or sleep for weeks. I was afraid to tell mom and dad. I finally told my parents and the Delmonts that Miller and I were seeing each other behind their backs," she sobbed at the memory. Then suddenly she laughed, bitter and anguish laughter that resonated in the air. "And you know what happened, they forgave each other. It took Miller to get reaped to forget about their feud." She wiped tears from eyes which were bloodshot from crying. "And the tragedy was that I was going to tell them that they were going to be grandparents, that I was carrying a part of Miller inside me."

"Madge?" I sat beside her and placed a hand around her shoulder.

"Miller survived for three weeks," she stated. "There were only four tributes left. I don't remember how he died but he did. I lost my baby that day, Katniss. I never told anyone, not my parents or Miller's. But my mom figured it out because she recognized that was miscarrying. She would know since she miscarried twice. It was our secret, a secret that we kept together. No one knows but mom and you."

"You didn't tell the Delmonts, Miller's parents? They had the right to know."

"Why tell them? So they can bury and grieve for Miller twice? For the grandchild they will never know? That would have been cruel." She made sense. However I wondered why she revealed her secret to me, telling me about her secret relationship with Miller and miscarrying their baby. "I'm sorry, you are grieving for Prim and you're about to lose Peeta and here I am feeling sorry for myself."

"Hey, I'm glad you told me," I returned. "You're been bottling up this secret for a long time."

"You have no idea how relieved I am in telling you," she said. "I trust you, Katniss. And I also know what you're going through losing Prim and Peeta." I flinched. I didn't lose Prim but I could lose Peeta if dad and the rebels didn't do anything to help him soon. We sat there for another hour with me swimming with guilt for lying and Madge in misery. For a short time, I felt at peace but then suddenly my hunter's instinct was alerted. Something flashed at the corner of my eye. I thought I saw a person dressed in black from head to toe. He looked familiar. My anger grew when I remembered how he almost kidnapped Peeta then dropped him causing to drop Peeta to land on his head.

It couldn't be him, could it? The MockingJay was lurking about in the cemetery watching Madge and me. But why? It would be suicidal for him to walking around in daylight. "What's wrong, Katniss?" Madge sensed my unease. I scowled at her not meaning to. "What? I can tell something is bothering you so don't lie to me." My scowled dropped and I felt guilty all over again. "Or do you want me to guess. That there's some guy who has been watching us for the past ten minutes." My eyes grew wide while she threw a big smile at me. She snickered. "I know, Katniss. That guy over there stalking, dressed in black with a hood over his face is the MockingJay."

"So…you know about the MockingJay?" She nodded her head as her smile faded showing concern.

"Katniss, I've known for a while time that he's been staying here," she confessed.

"For how long?" 'Was I that oblivious to the people and events around me? What did I care when I had four mouths to feed?' my mind asked.

"Since Cray beat the shit out of Peeta." I gasped in surprise. "Come on, I want to show you something." She led me to her aunt's tombstone. Her gravesite was well kept as well as the grass around her stone was neatly trimmed. "Look." She pointed to the statue on the grave. The marble statue was woman dressed in the similar fashion as Jay. She wore pants, shirt, boots and cape with a hood. There was little bird sitting on her hand. "It's a MockingJay."

I knelt down and noticed a pendant on sitting on the stone. It was a mocking jay pin. It was old, rusty and worn down by weather and time. "The pin is permanently attached to the stone. No one would dare steal it anyway."

I stood up and hugged Madge. It was out of impulse since I didn't know why I did it.
"I know you that you know about the MockingJay and the rebellion. My dad isn't as involved like yours but he does know about it and so do I."

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "It's just that dad made me swear not to tell anyone. I just found out days ago." I couldn't tell her that Peeta and I had decided to join the rebellion and fight alongside the MockingJay.

"You didn't break you promise. I told you about it so you're okay and don't feel bad." I sighed in relief. At least this was one less secret I harbored. If only I could tell her about Prim. "It'll be or little secret as well."

"So do you know who he is?" I asked.

"Nope, I don't," she admitted. "And that's okay with me because I don't think I'd know how to handle myself if I found out who he really is, but eventually if war breaks out in 12, I'd want to know. But in the meantime, he's the guy in black who's been spying on us for the past fifteen minutes." She turned around and waved at him. I laughed at her antics. Whoever he was quickly hid himself behind tree line and never resurfaced.

I walked back home with a lighter heart. Listening to Madge's story made me understand her a bit better. She was obviously hurting from losing Miller and hadn't gotten over him since I haven't seen her with any boy. She never mentioned any of her crushes or attractions to anyone of our classmates. "Let me know if you need anything, Katniss," she said before we parted. "Even if you want to talk or just hang out. I'm here whenever you need me."

The day was slow as we had dinner with the Mellarks. Mom and dad were cordial but it was apparent that there was tension in the air between Jimmy and my dad again.

"Where's Delly and Rye?" I asked wondering why they hadn't joined us for dinner.

"Um...they're having dinner with her parents this evening," Jimmy answered. "Her parents insisted on it after listening to President Snow's announcement. They have Tyler with them."

There was an elephant in the room and I didn't know why. I also tried not to look at the chairs besides me as I missed both my boyfriend and my sister. Just as dinner was over the Capitol monitor turned on again. Twice in one day, it was disconcerting because it never happened before.

"Good evening Panem," President Snow addressed us. I was sick to my stomach looking at him. I wonder how Peeta was fairing? Did his stomach lurched the way mine did as he looked at him on the monitor as well? Did he know that Prim was okay and that she wasn't dead as reported? My heart ached from missing him. "Due to the unfortunate accident––" I snorted in response. "––that took the life of Prim Everdeen of District 12, I take this time to announce my decision. As you well know that the games are designed for 12 tributes. So in the spirit in which the games were created, I had decided that in absence of one tribute there will be a replacement to take Prim Everdeen's vacant place."

"He can do that?" I asked in horror. Both Jimmy and dad nodded as they were both speechless.

"With this decision made, I have made a couple of modifications. I have extended the reaping age to 21."

"Fuck!" Dad swore.

"Oh my God," Jimmy sputtered. "I knew he would do something different this time."

"Dad?" I cried out. Dad never swore unless he was really angry or scared. I determined he was both with the look I recognized on his face.

"Fear not for there will be no female reaping ceremony. It is not necessary. It is an honor and privilege to be chosen as a tribute and through her she will honor Prim's place. I have made the selection myself. So the next female will by chosen by association or relations to our late Prim Everdeen," Snow continued.

"No," mom screamed. I was startled and confused. "He's not…he can't––" She almost fell to the ground as her legs buckled. Dad wrapped his arms around her waist to prevent her from falling.

"The next female tribute from District 12 will be Katniss Everdeen, Prim's sister. She will join Peeta Mellark as District 12's tribute in her place. May the odds be ever in their favor." I stood frozen, stunned and horrified. When I turned 18 I thought I had survived the worse years of my life but fate had other ideas for me… and for Peeta. We were both going into the arena together.

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AN: Thank you for your patience, for reading this chapter and your continued support. As I said, I will be posting another chapter before the new year. I hope that all of you will continue to take this journey with me. You guys are the best. Have a great and safe holiday. See you next week.