Chapter 33 – Loss and Heartache
AN: I will keep this short and sweet. My eternal thanks for those who posted a review, alerted, and favored 'Destiny.' Thanks to the following: CrazyCaz, Shellibug, Cassie Sharpie , JJ288, pumpkinking5, B Dizzy, Aqua Rules, LACR, mar071, J, jroseley . I apologize for those who feel that I have gone off cannon. This fic is after all AU. I wrote it not with any intent to insult Suzanne Collin's original plot. But I do so in this chapter to serve a purpose to the remaining storyline. This chapter is rated M for language. The next chapters will be rated M so please don't read any further if the rating offends you. This chapter contains Peeta, Jimmy and Katniss' POVs. Happy reading.
Peeta POV ––
The moment Haymitch stepped of the room I felt anxious. He left to take a nap leaving me with his friends to entertain me? What the fuck? I could have easily been entertained back in our suite but no….Haymitch insisted that I accompany him. Lost in thought, I didn't realize that Mrs. Dessie had been calling my attention for a few seconds.
"Peeta, are you okay?" she asked with concern on her flawless face. I wondered what she looked like underneath the layers of white foundation covering her skin. "You'll be all right with us while Haymitch takes a nap." The look I sent her I couldn't hide. I was suspicious of all Capitolites even if they were friends with Haymitch. I didn't know them. "You don't think that he'd just drop off and leave you here with me unless he trusted me?"
I was speechless and weary. In less than 24 hours my life was upturned and obliterated. I knew what I was doing when I volunteered, but Prim was gone. I was in the Capitol as a tribute for District 12 visiting people who were strangers to me but I trusted Haymitch. Dessie continued speaking to me not knowing the tumultuous thoughts going through my head––the reaping, Prim and Katniss.
"Sometimes he comes here to get some rest." 'Huh, what?'
"I don't understand," I stated.
"I've known Haymitch most of his life," she started. "Since winning his arena, it's been hard for him to sleep without…"
"Without what?"
"He has nightmares." Before I could ask about them she continued. "Most victors find it difficult to sleep. Their experiences in the arena haunts them, especially if you're not trained to kill like those in District 1 and 2." She had my attention. Everyone knew that 1 and 2 trained their children as they reached the age of 12, unlike the other districts who were defenseless. It was an advantage that no one disputed because District 1 and 2 had the money, resources and the training facilities. Everyone was a trained in Districts 1 and 2.
"When he came back to District 12 after winning his arena, he was alone and barely slept," she said. She spoke of things I already knew. After sneaking into Haymitch house, I discovered that he rarely slept in his own bed opting to sleeping in his living room with a knife tucked between the cushions on the couch. It was how I found him most nights after a bout with a bottle or two as his sleeping aid. Lately, he barely drank but still slept with a knife as his companion. "So when he visits Antoine and me, I insist that he sleeps even for a couple of hours. He is safe here and so are you."
I sighed as I felt a bit of pressure lift from my chest. I was homesick and exhausted mentally and emotionally as well as physically. The small lump on my head ached. But it didn't compare to ache I felt in my chest. I missed my family––Dad, Graham, Rye, Delly and Tyler, my nephew. But most of all I missed Katniss. I missed her like as if I was missing a limb, a part of me that was severed since the moment I boarded the train. I'm torn between longing and anguish as I remembered Prim, how I failed to protect her.
I shook off the feeling of despair; the weight of it crushed me. "For one so young, you've had a hard life," she observed. "It shows in your eyes and the way you carry yourself." My brows lifted because I didn't understand what she meant. "You carry a weight on your shoulders––a burden that is too young for one to carry but you also have depth and maturity for someone at your age."
I winced. I didn't like the fact that a total stranger was making an observation about me. However, she was right. I could admit I experienced a lot of hardship and pain for someone my age. Nearly dying did affect me in so many ways. It didn't scare me like I though it would once I escaped it.
"You're a lot like him in so many ways," she stated. "I think that's why he has such a keen in interest in your welfare. I didn't understand it until now."
"What do you mean?" I inquired. 'I was like Haymitch?' That was a scary thought. Though I admired him as anyone did as a victor, there were parts of him I didn't like. Haymitch drank too much, he didn't tolerate people or have any patience with them and he was bitter, jaded and mean at times. I have witnessed his behavior and he wasn't biased whether you were Seam or Merchant. But deep inside he was a kind, honest and brave man. He never pulled his punches and viewed the world in gray shades, not just black and white.
"I don't think people really know whom Haymitch is inside as person," she ventured. "He hides so much of himself. Not letting people in his life or his heart. It's the way of any victor I suspect." I nodded because it was true. Only a handful of people knew Haymitch. "Unlike you young man, I believe that you know him, the real Haymitch Abernathy." I smiled weak and shy. "Because of you, I see light in his eyes that I have not seen before. So away with this dismal conversation, do you know how to play chess?"
"I have heard of chess but never actually played, ma'am,' I responded. She chuckled amusement and a snicker on her face.
"Peeta, please call me Dessie," she said as she placed a hand on my forearm. "I'd like to believe that we are friends."
She taught me the rules of the game and how to play. We played for an hour when she noticed me as I tried not to yawn in front of her. That would have been rude. "Peeta, if you're tired I do have another room for you." I shook my head. I was tired but not sleepy. I slept well last night but the thought of sleeping on another foreign bed frightened me. Though the pill Haymitch gave me the night before let me sleep uninterrupted from nightmares, waking up in an unfamiliar room startled me for a few seconds. Then the reality of the day before descended upon me––the reaping ceremony and Prim's death brought back my anguish and pain.
"No thank you, Dessie, but I'm feeling tired," I confessed.
"Well, you can rest in the extra bedroom and time for yourself," she stated. "Once you start training you won't a moments time alone." The training. I wondered what was involved and what was to be done since I was the only tribute for District 12. Once again the feeling of loss and pain resurfaced as I remembered Prim. I deserved to die in the arena for not protecting her. Katniss must hate me now.
"Um…" I began. I needed a distraction or diversion from my thoughts.
"Yes, Peeta, is there something you need?" Dessie inquired. "Just ask me."
"I was wondering if you have a piece of paper and a pencil," I requested. I didn't want to bother her kitchen staff so the next best thing to distract me was drawing.
"Yes, I do," she said. "Wait right here for a moment." She disappeared and reappeared five minutes later with a large drawing pad and several pencils. In her hand was a set of pencils that were in full range of color––a coloring set I have never seen before. They looked unused and expensive. "Will this do?"
"I couldn't possible…" I was stunned by her generosity. "I just wanted a piece of paper and a pencil."
"Nonsense, you're my guest and from what I heard from Haymitch you are quite a talented artist," she gushed. "Please help yourself."
We traversed a spiral staircase, which led to another level. I wondered which room Haymitch was in as the bedrooms occupied the second floor. The suite was decorated with marble floors and banister. I was afraid to touch anything as I felt out of place. Even the doorknobs they were made of gold. Everything thing around me was lavish and immaculate from the pristine golden marble floor, elaborate crystalline chandeliers to the heavy lush red velvet curtains on the windows. I felt like a fish out of water.
"You can stay here and make yourself at home, Peeta," Dessie announced as she led me to large room. The bed was huge with four large pillows and matching duvet. I was afraid to lie on the bedspread in fear I would ruin and disrupt the layout. "If you need anything just pull this rope and an Avox will attend to anything you need."
She left me to my own devise. Again I felt lost and alone in the midst of an elaborate and beautifully decorated room. I situated myself on to bay window with seats that overlooked the city landscape. I was in the Capitol again but with a different purpose––not as a guest but as a tribute. I took several deep breaths to put my mind at ease. It didn't work.
The sunrays beamed across the city landscape. It's radiance bounced upon different points causing it to twinkle like stars in the sky during daylight. It was a spectacular light show and a sight to behold. Below me was the hustle and bustle of everyday occurrences' as citizens milled about in their life. I was in awe at the sight before me but it did nothing to ease the turmoil in my heart and mind. Needing the distraction, my fingers moved to its' own volition. I didn't even have to formulate the image in my mind as the pencils danced across the drawing pad creating lines, shapes, and shades of different hues I have never come across.
I had numerous drawing pads of a particular subject that I drew frequently year after year. I drew Katniss. She was my muse and inspiration to everything in my life. She was my purpose. I had nothing now but the memory of her because I knew my life was over. There was no way I could compete with tributes from District 1 and 2. I was dead I knew the moment I volunteered to help Prim. I don't know how much time passed but I was able to draw Katniss from my mind filling the pad with the very essence of her.
Dessie was kind enough provide lunch as she placed a tray onto a drawing table. "I didn't know what your preference was for lunch so I had my chef make you a couple of sandwiches with chicken or beef." I noticed the platter of food––two sandwiches on a loaf of white bread, a bowl of fruit, a tall glass of water and lemonade. On a separate plate was a collection of cookies-chocolate, vanilla and tart with red filling. "Please let me know if anything is not to your liking."
"Thank you, Dessie. You didn't have to go to much trouble on my account," I said. I wasn't hungry. As a matter of fact, I forced myself to eat breakfast for Haymitch's sake. He was worried about me. I was worried about me as well.
I took several bites of the chicken sandwich and ate the bowl of fruit. I didn't want to insult Dessie and Antoine's hospitality so I ate as much as I could. After lunch, I continued to draw uninterrupted. I drew of one subject only––Katniss. She would be the last image I would imagine once death drew near because I knew my survival during the games was slim.
I wanted...no I need to imprint her image in my mind. I was so immersed in my mission of drawing Katniss that I didn't even noticed that Haymitch and had entered the room to gain my attention hours later.
"Peeta, it's time," he announced. I didn't react but stood up and followed him to the living room where both Antoine and Dessie waited for us.
The room was shrouded in darkness as the curtains was closed insulating us from the outside world. "Ready," Antoine inquired his bushy purple brows furrowed. "Are you sure you want to do this?" His head towards Haymitch but his matching purple eyes were fixated on me.
"He needs to know," Haymitch stated. He looked weary and resigned. "Ready Peeta? Are you ready to meet the person whose life you've been risking for? Revealing his identity will change your life forever and you can't back out now and change your mind?"
"Yes, Haymitch, I'm ready," I readied myself to the man who altered my life in so many ways. "This might be my only chance to meet him." I wanted to meet before I entered the arena.
Antoine turned on the monitor. An image on the screen appeared. On the background were trees familiar to me but realized it could be from anywhere––District 4, 5 or 7. Suddenly MockingJay appeared in his familiar attire, black pants, shirt with a black pin, and boots. His head covered by a black hoodie covering his face and a cloth over his mouth. I couldn't see his eyes. The camera moved closer displaying his upper body.
"Peeta, I want you to meet Jay," Haymitch announced. "You would have met him with Katniss but due to circumstances beyond our control it made it impossible. So this is the best we can do."
I stood closer to the monitor. "Hello, Peeta," Jay spoke without the devise that changed his voice. I gasped as he pulled down the hood and removed the cloth from his mouth. His voice was the first thing I recognized. I was surprised, the range of shock, disbelief and anguish churned in my chest as if someone had lodged a knife onto my heart. This couldn't be real or happening.
"It's you," I voiced feeling hollow my throat felt tight and dry. Words escaped me as a thundering sound echoed in my ears. I drew out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.
"I'm sorry, Peeta," Garrett Everdeen said his eyes filled with sorrow and shame. "I…I didn't mean this to happen." Katniss' father was the MockingJay.
"Why?" I asked. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I knew why but I needed him to tell me. Secrecy was important but to hide this…was epic and unbelievable. I never would have guessed but then I realized who else had the skill and grace to use the bow like he did. Mr. Everdeen aim was true. He taught Katniss how to shoot.
"I couldn't," he admitted. "You should know why. Had you known my true identity Snow…he's drugged you twice, Peeta and though I admired your strength and power of resistance, we couldn't take any chances."
"But why now, I'm in the Capitol as a tribute," I winced as I realized the enormity of the reveal. "He could––" I panicked as I too realized that this was a mistake now that I knew who he was. Before he was an illusion a distant figure not connected to me in any way. But he is Katniss' father, a man I admired.
"He wouldn't dare touch you now," Haymitch explained. "He can't get near you for any reason. Being in contact with you is forbidden even for him." The ache in my chest intensified. I didn't know what to feel––anger, hurt, betrayal and confusion all rolled in my chest like a burst ready to implode. My mind spun with images and questions churning in my head making me dizzy.
"How can you possible be the MockingJay?" I asked without rancor. Mr. Everdeen was disabled with two missing limbs––lower right arm and leg. One never knew until you looked at his fake hand. "I don't mean to be rude but your leg and arm…"
Mr. Everdeen or rather Jay removed the glove on his right limb revealing a prosthetic hand made of rubber or silicone that matched his skin color. The fingers moved and flexed like a normal hand. "Compliments from victor Beetee Latier. He's a genius." Then he pulled up his pant leg revealing his prosthetic leg made of the same material. "Best technology that the Capitol has to offer without their consent, of course." He smiled wide and toothy. His expression so similar to Katniss my heart lurched in my chest. Katniss! Oh my God, what about Katniss. She had to know what happened to Prim. She had to be devastated.
My stomach churned. "I'm sorry Mr. Everdeen. I'm sorry I didn't protect Prim after promising Mrs. Everdeen and Katniss that I would watch over her." I was glad that he was not physically present. If he had, I would have felt worse confronting him. "I failed to do the one thing I promised them."
"Peeta, about Prim," he started. I wanted for him to scream at me.
"I didn't know…it just happened so fast," I ranted. "I…she was safe and then the Peacekeepers went after her train. It should have been me that died instead––"
"Peeta, stop," Haymitch interrupted. "It wasn't your fault. If anyone is to blame it's me. I shouldn't have agreed to the plan. To execute a rescue on the train in the middle of nowhere. It was reckless and irresponsible."
"Haymitch," Jay interjected. "You both need to stop taking the blame."
"Jay, I was responsible for the welfare for both Peeta and Prim," Haymitch stated then pointed to me. "He sure wasn't responsible for Prim, I was. And he's telling you it's his fault."
"But I promised––"
"You're just a kid," Haymitch said.
"You both need to calm down," Jay commented.
"Calm down," Haymitch and I said in tandem.
"Listen to me. If anyone should take responsibility for Prim, it should be me not just as her father but the leader of the rebellion," he stated. "Not you two."
My heart ached from knowing the pain her death caused. I didn't know what else to say. "Listen, about Prim she's––"
"Jay, Jay take cover, drones." A voice from beyond the screen was heard. "Move now." I thought I heard my dad but I was too lost in my head to recognize it.
"Same time tomorrow. Peeta, Haymitch take care," Mr. Everdeen said before the transmission was silence and the image disappeared.
"Damnit," Haymitch swore beside me. "I needed to talk to Jay. Antoine, is there anyway we can connect before tomorrow? Tomorrow Peeta starts his training and after that he will be under surveillance 24/7."
"I'm sorry Haymitch," Antoine spoke. "You know the satellite overpasses over this section at this time. The window is small."
"I don't understand. What is he talking about?" I asked. I too had so many questions I wanted to ask.
"Snow has a satellite hovering over Panem," Antoine explained. "For fifteen minutes at this time it goes off radar for some reason. It has to do with the positioning of the satellite and the angle…I can't explain the science, but to simplify it, transmissions and communications goes dark for that amount of time. We accidently found this anomaly a year ago. A mole in game keeper central found it and hasn't reported it so not even Snow is aware of it."
A moment later I sat down feeling exhausted and stunned. I finally met and knew the identity of the rebel's leader, The MockingJay. Katniss' dad was the MockingJay and my dad knew it. He had to. He had been keeping his secret for how long I didn't know. Did Graham know as did Rye? I couldn't reconcile with the man who was my girlfriend's father to the leader of the rebellion. Shit! He was a legend. I heard stories regaled by dad and Graham. How he rallied men and women from different districts through his nightly transmissions encouraging them to join the fight. His was voice a beacon of hope––to fight President Snow and his Peacekeepers.
I pinched my arm hoping to wake up from this nightmare because finally revealing the MockingJay's identity was a nightmare in the making. Both Katniss and I decided to join the rebels and their cause. We wanted a future together but in order to achieve that dream the games needed to end. We were not safe and there was no future for us as long as Snow was alive.
Did Katniss know after Prim and I were reaped? Did her own father confess to his daughter that he alone literally changed my life and hers as well? I love Katniss with all my heart but what did this mean for us? Did it change things for her as it did for me?
"Peeta, it's time to leave," Haymitch announced. We bade our good bye to both Antoine and Dessie.
"Thank you for your hospitality," I turned to them. "It has been a pleasure to meet you both." Dessie sniffled, placed a hand on my cheek. Her hands felt warm and comforting. For a few seconds a sliver of longing surfaced––a wish that my mom…I shook the emotion away. No point on wanting something I never had from her.
"Peeta, it is I who had the honor and pleasure of meeting you," she said. "Stay true to who you are and you will persevere."
"May the odds be in your favor," Antoine said as he shook my hand. "Have faith, Peeta. Fate has chosen you for a reason. Just stay true to your course."
The ride back to the suite was quiet and somber. "Peeta, before we go back you need to know that you must watch what you say or do," he warned me startling me from my self-contemplation. "There are…bugs in the suite, one in each room."
"Why?" I asked. Haymitch looked at me in astonishment.
"Why? Why do you think?" he snickered. "Snow has always been paranoid and he has every right to be. He may be the president of Panem but doesn't mean he doesn't have enemies."
"He has enemies in the Capitol?"
"The higher you rise to power the more enemies you have. He has guards everywhere he goes and an army at his disposal," he explained. "He has tagged his victors with gps trackers, people to taste his food before he eats and drinks. There is nothing glamorous as being the president of Panem if your own people hate you."
I nodded my head. "So he bugged the suite. What about cameras?"
"He's not a voyeur if you're asking. The bedrooms are off limits but there are audio bugs there. There's even one in the bathroom."
"That's sick," I groused at the idea of him listening while I did my business.
"Well, he's desperate and paranoid need I remind you."
The hovercar stopped at a location unfamiliar to me. "Why has the car stopped here? This isn't hom…I mean…why aren't we back at the suite?"
"I need to stretch my legs and so do you," he said. "Besides, there something I want to show you." The sun blinded my vision as I exited the hovercar. But then I realized it wasn't the sun but a reflection that bounced off one of the glass buildings. Once my vision cleared a green lush park appeared. It was not a big space but about quarter mile long both in width and length. In the middle of the park was a monument. It was a statue of boy and girl holding hands.
"When the first Hunger Games were created, Snow's father Arthur Snow reaped 26 boys and girls from districts one to thirteen," he started.
"Thirteen?"
"It's twelve now after thirteen was annihilated by Snow's army for rebelling against the Capitol," he stated. "Peeta, you know this from you history classes. Weren't you listening?"
"Sorry," I said feeling scolded like a schoolboy.
"Anyway before you rudely interrupted me. Arthur Snow had this statue made for the first victors, a boy and a girl," he continued. "The first games had two winners one male and one female."
"I didn't know that." I was astonished and intrigued. There were originally two victors, a boy and a girl. "When did it change to one victor only? And why don't remember reading that from the history books?"
"The year after Arthur died, Jameson Snow, Cornelius Snow's half brother changed the ruling,"
"Jameson?"
"Don't interrupt me," Haymitch added. "As I was saying Jameson was Cornelius half brother who inherited the position of president after Arthur. To make a long story short, Jameson died mysteriously after three months in power. He died of liver failure but there were rumors that Cornelius poisoned his half brother. Not any of your history books ever mentioned Jameson because Cornelius made sure of it. He deleted Jameson from the books."
"The same way he deleted the facts that the first Hunger Games had two victors, one male and one female."
"Yes, you are correct," he said.
"If that's the case, why hasn't anyone changed this statue to fit the history that Snow is trying to erase?" I inquired.
"Why change it? No one in the Capitol cares what kind of statue stands here. It's a fucking park in the middle of nowhere. Who cares about this statue and what it stands for?" But obviously Haymitch cared, cared so much to bring me here. "Besides, Snow can't touch this park."
"Why not?"
"This is the Victory Park. It is dedicated to honor the past victors––all of them, past and present" he sighed. I walked closer to the statue. It was made of white marble. On the pedestal were the names of the first two male and female victors, Freya Edwards, District 7 and Nile Peters, District 11. Panem's victors at the first Hunger Games.
"Snow wouldn't dare touch this park," Haymitch continued. "We wouldn't let him. It's all we have to remember those who died because of him and his games. This is all we have––a fucking park to memorializes all those who died before us. A park dedicated to the victors, not to…to the thousands who lost their lives in the games, but to those who lived."
"Haymitch, are you––"
"This is why I fight…to stay alive," Haymitch interjected. "I look at this forsaken park. I imagined the lives destroyed not just those who went to the games and died but also to the families that were left behind. Because it's not just the victors who suffered, but to their families as well. This is reason and my purpose."
"Haymitch––" He gestured towards the statue. On the monument was bug. A tiny insect. Oh, I guessed he was trying to say to watch my words incase we were being listened to.
I'm stunned at his heartfelt speech. Haymitch never spoke much but when he did he was passionate and true to his word. He turned to me. "I'm sorry Peeta, I feel as though I failed you and Prim."
"You didn't," I said as I noticed that citizens from Panem pointed and gawked at us. "Shit. I think we need to leave Haymitch. We're drawing a crowd." I gestured to a group that gathered not a few yards away from us. They whispered to each other. One ornately dressed female with feather on her hat and shoulders started to approach us. She looked like a peacock doing a mating walk as she sashayed towards us. She scared me.
"Go to the car, Peeta," Haymitch instructed me as he walked between the stranger and me.
"Can I help you?" I heard his voice as Haymitch addressed her. I quickly slipped into the hovercar closing the door behind me. Seconds later, Haymitch appeared and ordered the driver to take up back to our residence. He didn't say a word until we returned to the suite. He gestured me to follow him as he led me upstairs to the roof. We stood above the city landscape. The city glistened like stardust bright and majestic.
"Sorry Peeta, I should have taken better measures when I took you out into the city today. I was careless," he said after a few moments of silence.
"I know I'm safe when I'm with you," I returned. "You can't be with me 24/7. It's unrealistic. I can take care of myself."
"I know you can," he sighed. "But when you're in the Capitol, it's not safe for you to running around unguarded especially now that you are a tribute."
"Still, I'm glad that you introduced me to your friends and we visited the park. It made me see thing in another perspective," I admitted. "I always thought that Capitolites were vain, self absorbed people who knew nothing of suffering like we do in the districts. But after meeting Antoine and Dessie, and even Effie I realized that there are some decent folks here. You wouldn't be friend with them if they weren't."
"Listen, you need to careful like I said. Trust no one here," I advised me. "If anyone asked why we visited Antoine and Dessie, just tell them that I was introducing you to some friends. Not that it matters since starting tomorrow you're going to be sequestered into the training facilities and also meet the other tributes."
"Okay," I acknowledged him. "Should we be talking about this out here in the open?"
"I've checked for bugs," Haymitch assured me. "Not a lot of people would dare come out here. So I need you to listen––"
"I know don't trust anyone," I repeated to him. "I'm not dumb Haymitch."
"I mean it Peeta," he insisted. "You're alone as a tribute for 12. I don't know who is replacing Prim so you're on your own starting tomorrow."
"Haymitch, they're picking another tribute. It could be Delly or Katja, she's my former sister in law," I stated.
"It won't be Delly, Peeta," Haymitch swore. "It…it would be too obvious. We're going to have to hang tight until Snow makes the announcement."
I was unsettled and anxious. I wished there was a way to contact Katniss. I miss her so much and I needed to know if she was…okay. I mean I knew she wasn't because she just lost Prim. I wanted to be there to comfort and support her. "So what did you do while I was…resting." I snorted as Haymitch refused to admit he took 'a nap.'
"Dessie taught me to play chess," I smiled at the memory. I knew how to play but not well. Dessie taught me strategies and techniques.
"Ah, yes, Dessie loves a good chess match," Haymitch said. "She says that chess is like life, making moves and countermoves against your opponent."
"Do you believe that? That kind of life sounds…exhausting."
"Well, she and Antoine have lived all their lives in the Capitol. Everything you do is political. You make a statement with what you wear, work, play and even how you dress, and eat."
"Eat? Eating and the clothes you wear makes a political statement?"
"Well, if you only eat chicken then you don't support the districts that raise beef and visa versa," Haymitch explained. "If you only wear silk, you're ignoring the linen, rayon and cotton industry."
"That's…that's stupid," I said as I scrunched my nose in disgust. That eating and the clothes they wore were their everyday problems? Not supporting certain groups because they have a preference for beef over chicken. People are starving all over Panem and these idiots are fighting over food preferences and clothing choices.
"That's the Capitol," he said. "It's the only way of life they know. Lord knows what would happen if they start to think for themselves. And don't get me started on their marriage laws."
"Marriage laws? What is that?"
"Certain families can only marry other people that fit their status and influence. For example, when Antoine reached marriagable age his father wanted him to marry a girl that was deemed fit to his status," Haymitch said.
"He was forced to marry Dessie?" I said in shock. "They look happy together."
"Antoine and Dessie are another story to tell for another time," Haymitch stated. "But to make a long story short, they fought to be together against their own families wishes and ambitions. It was hard for both of them but they persevered. They stuck it out to be together against all odds." They sound familiar like Katniss and myself––fighting against social divide between Merchant and Seam.
"Then I guess I'm lucky," I told him.
"What do you mean?" Haymitch inquired.
"Well, if there wasn't any Hunger Games, my life is pretty good in a way," I observed.
"Peeta, if you're mom had her way, you would be married off to a Merchant girl of her choice," he reminded me as I recalled images of Agatha Berridge flashed in my mind.
"And I would have resisted," I said. "She was angling to marry me off to Agatha Berridge and she would have wasted her time because I would have said no. It was going to be Katniss or no one for me."
"Are you sure of that?"
"Yes," I insisted. "Haymitch I loved her since I was five. No girl would have been it for me."
"But what if she married that Hawthorne boy?" I shivered at the thought. Gale and Katniss marrying.
"Then I would have owned the bakery and lived my life as a baker as a bachelor with no wife or family," I persisted. "I wasn't about to do what my dad did. Married the next girl, he settled. I mean I know that he was engaged to marry Mrs. Everdeen before she met Katniss' dad. But, I would not have settled. It was Katniss or no else."
"That would have been a lonely life, Peeta," he stated the obvious.
"Better lonely then be strapped to a woman who would grow to resent you because she would find out she was second best," I scoffed. "I don't…want to end up like my dad." I love my dad, but there times I wished…he grew a backbone when it came to my mother and the years I endured her abuse.
"Yeah, but had he not married your mom, you would not be here," he pointed out.
"You're talking as if fate intervened," I said. "I don't believe in fate, Haymitch. I chose Katniss even knowing she was Seam and my mom against any match with a Seam girl especially a girl whose daughter was dad's old fiancée. I choose my own path."
"Sounds like fate to me, Peeta," he said. "Your father was not fated to marry Lily when they were young because you and Katniss were meant to be. If that isn't fate, I don't know what is."
"You sound like a romantic," I snorted.
"Don't be an asshole," he snickered. "I'm just stating the facts––against all odds, Peeta. You and Katniss found a way to each other."
"Well, it didn't last, did it?" I said in a somber manner.
"Peeta––" Haymitch began but was interrupted as Effie appeared on the rooftop with us.
"There you are, you two. I have been looking for," she said as clamored over to us. She wore five inched heels that made it difficult for her to walk over to us as the roof was made with gravel. "I have the chef hold off supper…dinner is now at 6:00."
"I'm really not hungry Effie," I told her. Eating was the last thing on my mind.
"Nonsense," Effie berated me. "You are far too thin for your age and height. I'm going to fatten you up before you enter the arena. You're stylists are already designing your clothes and I'm assured them that you will be a lot heavier before games. I have six weeks for you to get some mass."
I turned to Haymitch seeking support and help. He lifted his hands in surrender. "Sorry, kiddo. Once Effie gets something in her mind to do, there no force on earth to stop her."
"Thank you for your words of wisdom, Abernathy," she returned.
"Naw, I know better than to fight you, Trinket," he said. "It's makes my life easier if I just leave you to your whim."
"Peeta is not a whim," Effie defended herself.
"No of course not, he's some toy to dress up to the masses. The boy can dress himself, you know."
"It's my job to make sure he is presentable," Effie started.
"Peeta has been dressing himself all his life. I think he's know what makes him look presentable," Haymitch argued.
"Unlike you, Abernathy. You're a grown man dressing like some slob off the streets. It's no wonder you're still single. What woman in her right mind…"
They continued to banter between them. I swore their acerbic conversation and remarks were a kin to flirting. 'Old people are weird.' I could tell Haymitch took great pleasure in pushing her buttons while Effie was able to spit back insult with insult.
For some odd reason Effie forced Haymitch and I to change our clothes for dinner. My clothes appeared on my bed after I had taken a short shower. My attire was a simple light blue dress shirt and dark gray pants with black boots with laces that were too long that I had to double knot them.
"You look wonderful, Peeta," Effie complimented me as I entered the dining room. "However, I must so something about your hair. Whomever cut your beautiful hair did an atrocious job. He or she weren't fit to to touch it." Haymitch snickered and was about to make a remark when the doorbell rang.
"Oh my, it is wonderful to see Antoine and Dessie. I haven't seen them in ages."
"You saw them at Snow' grandson's birthday celebration," Haymitch reminded her.
"Tony, Des, both of you are welcome into our temporary abode," Effie gushed at the guests.
"Thank you for inviting us for dinner," Dessie returned as she puckered her lips and faked kiss each other on both cheeks. Effie did the same for Antoine.
"We come bearing gifts," Antoine included with her hug with Effie. "This, Haymitch I have kept for a special occasion. Considering how you bought a new friend in our lives." He turned to me. "It's good to see you again, Peeta."
"Thank you, sir…I mean Antoine," I returned. Antoine handed a bottle to Haymitch.
"Thank my friend. Yes, indeed this is a special occasion," Haymitch said with a worried look on his face. "Won't you get in trouble for coming? I mean you're a major sponsor and you coming here would look like you're favoring Peeta."
"I don't give fuck," Antoine returned. "When we heard that Peeta volunteered, Dessie and I already knew we were going to sponsor him. I have not kept secret of my association to you so my proxy I will be sponsoring Peeta if the time comes."
"Thank you, Antoine, Dessie," Haymitch said.
"Please, let us not talk of politics and the games this evening," Effie suggested.
"Whatever will we talk about this evening then," Dessie giggled as Effie led us to the dining room. I walked behind the adults keeping a low profile as I felt out of place when I noticed that Antoine slipped Haymitch an envelope and a small package in his hand.
Antoine then whispered in to his ear. Haymitch nodded in response.
Dinner was a modest affair. There were no political statement of beef versus chicken on the menu––we ate fish. I never had fish before. Beef was a rarity but when Graham married Sonja we had it on special occasion only––on mom's birthday. We ate chicken which we raise as well as pigs; squirrels and rabbits provided by Katniss as she traded it for bread.
I ate fish called halibut that was served on a piece of wood with a side order of potatoes and steamed vegetables. It was delicious. I was relieved that Effie didn't go overboard like most meals served at Capitol event and functions.
The last time I attended a party, the tables were filled with so much food, drink, fruits and dessert, I was loathed to eat anything more than I could handle. I watched as Capitolites ate to their fill then vomit to eat again. The sight of them disgusted me when I recall the districts dying from starvation and dehydration.
"How did you like your dish, Peet?" Effie inquired. She had a glass of wine on her hand her fingernails matching the color of her golden wig, dress and make-up. She sat next to Dessie who wore a simple elegant light blue gown. Her hair was slicked back revealing her boney face painted with glimmering white foundation. Her makeup matched her attire blue eye shadow and lipstick. She looked subdued in comparison to Effie bright glowing attire. They both looked beautiful, glamorous as I expected from any born and bred Capitolite.
An hour passed and I was tired and lonely missing my family and Katniss. "Haymitch, is it all right if I can go to my room?" I asked. I enjoyed Antoine and Dessie's company but I was homesick.
"Are you okay, Peeta?" Effie asked. "You didn't eat any dessert."
"I'm not hungry for dessert, Effie," I told her truthfully. "Dinner was delicious and all but…I'm tired."
"How's your head, boy?" Haymitch inquired. I raised my hand to feel the back of my head when suddenly the Capitol monitor turned on.
"Strange, Cornelius is making an announcement this evening," Antoine pondered.
"Do you think he made a decision already?" Dessie asked.
My stomach churned at the sight of President Snow as he appeared on screen. He was somewhere in the Capitol far away from me that alone was enough to sooth me.
"Good evening Panem," Snow addressed us. "Due to the unfortunate accident that took the life of Prim Everdeen of District 12, I take this time to announce my decision. As you well know that the games are designed for 12 tributes. So in the spirit in which the games were created, I had decided that in absence of one tribute there will be a replacement to take Prim Everdeen's vacant place."
Antoine and Dessie gasped.
"With this decision made, I have made a couple of modifications. I have extended the reaping age to 21," Snow continued.
"Oh my God," Haymitch said his eyes wide and mouth open. "He can't…no he can't do that."
"What?" I asked Haymitch. I didn't like the tension in the air. It was quick to appear.
"Let him finish, Mitch," Antoine demanded. "It might not what you're assuming."
"What's going on? What is he about to do?" I said my voice raised.
"Peeta, shh…pay attention," Effie scolded me.
"Fuck!" Haymitch swore.
"Fear not for there will be no female reaping ceremony. It is not necessary. It is an honor and privilege to be chosen as a tribute and through her she will honor Prim's place. I have made the selection myself. So the next female will by chosen by association or relations to our late Prim Everdeen," Snow continued.
"No, I knew it. He's going to reap…what? No, no, no," I shouted in shock and horror. He can't. Oh dear God, he's going to reap Delly, my pregnant sister-in-law. Poor Rye.
"The next female tribute from District 12 will be Katniss Everdeen, Prim's sister. She will join Peeta Mellark as District 12's tribute in her place. May the odds be ever in their favor." The world froze from its' axis. Time was suspended as I tried to process the name Snow announced as my female counterpart, my partner and fellow tribute.
"As this is an extraordinary circumstance Ms. Everdeen will be transported from District 12 as soon as she has bade farewell her family and friends. Please welcome our newest tribute to join our favored son, Peeta Mellark on the 74th Hunger Games," Snow pronounced.
My feet were planted on the floor my body numb as my mind reeled from the turn of events. 'Katniss is my female tribute/partner,' my mind screamed over and over. 'This is not real. This is not happening. Katniss was safe.'
"Oh my God, Haymitch," I uttered. "Graham, Gale and Prim. And now Katniss. He's…Snow…why is he doing this? I…I…"
"Peeta, I'm sorry," Haymitch returned with regret and sorrow on his face.
"She…Katniss has to live," I swore. "You got to help me make sure she lives. If she dies in the arena...I…I have nothing."
"Peeta, you're survival is important to…" Antoine started.
"Antoine, stop––"
"To everyone who loves you," Haymitch interjected.
"I don't care, Haymitch. You swear to me. You swear to me that whatever is holy and sacred to you that you will put Katniss first. She will come out of the arena alive."
"That's not fair to her, Peeta," he muttered back. "How do you think she'll feel when she finds out that you sacrificed your life for hers."
"I don't fucking care what she thinks. She'll still be alive," I boomed. "Haymitch, I loved her all my life and how do you think…how you do you expect me to move on when she's dead? My heart broke year after year seeing her struggle to survive."
"Peeta, please calm down," Effie tried to soothe me.
"Calm down, calm down," I laughed with bitterness. "I've been calm. I've been patient. I've been listening to everybody tell me what to do, how to act and be good."
"Peeta, we'll find a way to help Katniss, I promise," Haymitch said.
"Promise me, Katniss first," I demanded. "I…I want to talk to Jay."
"Jay? Who's Jay?" Effie inquired.
"Um…Jay is his father," Haymitch said covering my outburst. I had forgotten that Effie was in the room.
"Oh, I thought I read that his father's name was James," Effie stated.
"Yes, but I…call him Jay sometimes…um…when I get upset," I said my face grew hot. I wasn't a very convincing liar.
"Oh how very progressive of you," she replied back. I sighed in relief. Antoine, Dessie and Haymitch sighed as well. "Oh dear, I have to make arrangements––her fittings, makeup and setting up her stylist. I have so much to do before Katniss arrives."
"What happened to Prim's stylist?" I asked. Not that I cared since I needed to distract her from my faux pas in almost revealing Jay to her.
"Yes, why don't you 'make arrangements' for Katniss' arrival," Haymitch suggested.
"I hope Cinna is still available. My God the things that man can create," she gushed. "Excuse me Dessie and Antoine but I must see make haste. I need to call him right away." She hugged them good bye and left the room.
"That was a close call," Haymitch said. "Peeta, you can't be that careless around people like Effie. What did I tell you about what you say and do from now on?"
"I'm sorry, Haymitch," I said. "But it's Katniss. Oh my God, she's going to be here. When? What time?"
"Well, if Snow is giving her the allotted time to say good bye to her family. She may be here in the next few hours.
"How long exactly?" I wanted to see Katniss, to be with her but not like this.
"I gather in about four hours," Haymitch said. Four hours, four hours until I see Katniss again. I never thought I'd see or be with her again and yet she was to arrive in four hours. My heart beat so fast. I was excited because I was going to see her but angry at Snow at the same time. Four hours, time couldn't move fast enough.
Jimmy POV ––
All day, my body and mind reacted normally to the patterns of my life. I woke up, prepared dough for bread, ate a modest breakfast and opened up the bakery. My mind was numb. The mission to rescue Peeta and Prim was unsuccessful as Peeta was now in the Capitol as the male tribute for District 12. I remembered my conversation with Jay telling….demanding him to retrieve my son and his daughter before they reached the Capitol.
"So God help, Garrett, if you don't get Peeta and Prim before they reach the Capitol," I swore with heat and vitriol in my tone. "I will never forgive you. You're youngest was just reaped for fucking sake! Do something."
"I know that, Jimmy," Garrett barked back.
"James, please. This is hard on all of us," Lily spoke as she tried to soothe the tension between us. Since Graham's death and almost losing Peeta so many times, I could not hold onto my temper. I should have divorced Evelyn years ago as my sons suffered from her abuse. It was with great shame and embarrassment that I hadn't protected my sons from harm with their own mother. I would forever feel ashamed for the rest of my life. It took the MockingJay to dangle Peeta's life in front of Snow for me to react as a father should have.
"You're the MockingJay. You have people, you have 13 to help you," I reminded him. "Get them to rescue Peeta and Prim. What the point of joining them if you can't get any help."
"I don't," Garrett said. "I don't have their support on this."
"What do you mean you don't?" Panicked and fear filled me radiating throughout my body from head to toe.
"I asked Coin to help remove Peeta and Prim off the train," he explained. "And she said that she couldn't risk her men and resources if it failed."
I closed my eyes, took two deep breaths and counted to…fuck it. "Fuck, Garrett. What are you going to do? You know damn well that Peeta will be the biggest target in the arena."
"I'm sorry, Jimmy––"
"Fuck sorry, do something," I yelled. My throat ached. Tears ran down my cheeks. Lily stood beside her husband as she too was in anguish because of Prim.
"I've already contacted my men and they're formulating a plan," he said. I sighed in relief. I didn't have to know the details but there was a plan to rescue them that in its self was enough for me.
However, the mission failed. Though Prim was rescued Peeta was not. My heart was broken. I looked around the bakery realizing who was going to take over now that Peeta was gone. Rye had no interest in taking over. He was content to work but not to own the business after I was gone. I looked forward to Peeta taking over. My youngest was going into the arena and participating in the Hunger Games.
As if that was bad enough Snow made an announcement to turn my world upside down and inside out. He decreed that a new replacement was being chosen in place of Prim. That meant he could reap Delly, my pregnant daughter in law. Though it was a lottery, it was with great certainty that Delly could be called.
"Help me to get Delly out of District 12," I demanded Garrett. Twice in one day I sought his assistance.
"Jimmy, I can't––" I was close to striking him again disable to not he deserved it for causing so much harm and damage to my family especially Peeta.
"Garrett, you know that Snow will reap Delly. She's Peeta's sister in law. Prim is gone in his eyes. He will need to punish Peeta and the rebels for the failed rescue attempt." It wasn't true since Prim was safely hidden within the deep forest of District 12, but Snow didn't know that.
"And you know what will happen if the peacekeepers find out that they are missing. And what about Tyler, do you expect to have him on the run too," Garrett cautioned. "Snow retaliate like he did with the mutt dogs ––"
"I don't fucking care. She's pregnant carrying Rye's baby. All I have left of Graham is Tyler," I shouted. "You owe me, you owe for placing Peeta in this predicament. It's your fault. My family is ruined because of you." I was furious, years of friendship tested and broken. It was only because Peeta fell for Katniss that I held onto friendship with Garrett. I wasn't going to deny Peeta his chance with the girl he loved all his life even if she was the MockingJay's daughter. He deserved to be happy despite my reservations and bitterness towards the man who changed the course of Peeta's life.
"I don't know what you expect me to do?" he admitted. "Snow has to know that we're bound to do something."
"You know the woods or at least you know people who can help Rye and Delly," I suggested. "Take Rye, Delly and Tyler to District 13."
"I'll see what I can do," he returned. "You realize that they have to leave now at this moment." I nodded my head. As soon as Snow made the announcement, I told Rye to start packing for Delly and for Tyler as well. I couldn't risk leaving Tyler behind with me knowing that somehow Snow would want to get his hands on him.
"What are we going to tell Darius," I asked. "You know he will ask."
"You leave Darius to me," Garrett said.
So that afternoon, with the pretense of Rye, Delly and Tyler having dinner with her folks, I bade goodbye to my remaining family. "What are you going to tell my parents?" Delly asked her face red from crying. "Can I at least say good bye to them?"
"I'm sorry, Delly," I apologized. "We don't have a second to spare. There are peacekeepers hanging around near the bakery. You need to leave District 12 now while you still have the chance."
"Are you certain…what makes you sure he'll…that President will reap me," she asked. How do I explain it to her without revealing my involvement with the rebels and MockingJay? She and Rye had been kept in the dark all this time.
"Please just trust me," I begged her. "Do you honestly believe that Prim's name was picked by chance?"
"I don't know but how can I leave my family?"
"Delly, if Dad feels we should run, we have to trust him," Rye added. "I agree with him. I don't want anything to happen to you and our baby." Delly nodded her head in resignation. "If your name is called, there's nothing we can do. It'll be too late."
"Please let me see my parents before I go," she pleaded. With her big blue eyes, tearing brimming, I couldn't say no.
"Go see them for a minute then leave," I caved at her request. Who knew when she would see her family again? "Just don't tell them anything, Delly. It's a matter of their safety to keep them in the dark." She nodded her head as she held onto Tyler. I turned to my second eldest son. Rye looked worried, but determined.
"I already packed a few things for you, especially for Tyler," I said. "You can't take much with you. Your things and bags are already with Jay's men." Garrett's instructions were strict. A change of clothes for two days as food was provided by his men as they were leading them to District 13. So when Rye and Delly left with Tyler on tow, they looked as though they were on their way to visit her parents when in actuality they were meeting Garrett who would introduce them to his men.
"Take care of yourself and Delly," I started tears brimmed my eyes. "You take care of Tyler and my new grandchild." Rye nodded his head. "Whatever you do watch yourself. Listen to Jay's men. You can trust them."
"I wish you told me," Rye insinuated. He knew. Rye knew I was involved. "I understand why you didn't say anything but I have the right to fight too."
"Rye, I…we don't have time to argue about my mistakes," I started.
"I'm not, I just wished you trusted me." The guilt ate into my bones. He was right. Rye was at the age to know the truth and his choice to fight.
"This is a risky, dad," Rye commented. "I…I was scared when Snow made his announcement. I was certain that…I feel like I'm deserting you with Peeta at the Capitol. I know I'm running away."
"It's okay, Rye," I assured him. "I'm not taking any more chances with Delly's life on the line."
"Are you sure you want me to take Tyler with us," he asked. "You're all alone, Dad. He could keep you company." I shook my head.
"He needs to disappear too, Rye. I can't take care of him on my own but with you and Delly, I know he'll be cared for," I said. "He's not safe either." I hugged him, tight. I didn't know when I would see him again. With Peeta, his fate was out of my hands. I clung to him harder remembering the little boy I held in my arms when he was born chubby red cheeks and tufts of yellow blond hair on his head with blue eyes that matched my own. It felt like it was only yesterday when he walked for the first time or when he said 'da da.' It annoyed Evelyn that those were his first words.
"Goodbye, Dad," he whispered in my ear. "I love you."
"I love you too, son," I said and kissed the top of his unruly hair. And then seconds later they gone.
Dinner with Lily, Garrett and Katniss was tense. I was still furious with Garrett. It was difficult to keep my anger at bay but I was alone, my family scattered and separated for who knows how long. I was being petty but I needed that anger to sustain me, to strengthen my resolve and keep hope in my heart.
Then the unthinkable happened. Snow made his announcement. Katniss was chosen to replace Prim as the new female tribute. There was the irony; both our children, Garrett's daughter, the MockingJay's eldest child and my son were tributes for District 12. The Star Crossed Lovers were being reunited to fight against each other at the arena. Little does Snow realize what he's has done––he has ignited the spark needed to revive the rebellion.
Katniss POV ––
I'm numb and I have been since Snow made his announcement. Mom couldn't stop crying. Dad was stunned as well as he held onto her for support as she almost landed on the ground her when her knees buckled.
"Garrett, Garrett," she cried out tears flooding her eyes.
"I know, Lily," he said his hand rubbing her back for comfort. 'What about me?' my mind asked as I watched my parents together give each other support. I wished Peeta was here. Then I remembered I would soon see him in a few hours.
Once the announcement was made, it took the Darius and his peacekeepers half an hour to find us. "When I realized you weren't at the Seam, I knew that you were here having dinner with Jimmy," he explained. "I'm sorry, Garrett. I'm sorry for Prim. I don't understand why is happening to all of you." He looked concerned, like he cared that Snow was practically annihilating Jimmy's family and my own as well. For all he knew, Prim was dead.
"How much time do we have?" Dad asked.
"Take all the time you need," he countered. "I don't care how long it takes. You deserve time with Katniss before I escort her to the hovercraft."
"Hovercraft?" Dad repeated. "Snow is making sure Katniss arrives quickly then."
"As soon as possible, I'm afraid," Darius returned with a sheepish smile. Why did it matter since I didn't have many friends with the Merchants as well with Seam. Those who mattered to me were far away. I wanted Peeta and I missed Prim.
Jimmy approached me first. "I'm so sorry, Katniss," he said. "Is it okay if I give you a hug?" I smiled and almost chuckled. He was so like Peeta, polite and gentleman-like. I knew where he got his manners from but it was endearing to witness it from his father. It made me miss him more than ever.
I reached out and tugged him first arms around his waist laughing. "I'm so glad that you're Peeta's father." He sobbed. "I thank the universe everyday since I've met him that he's nothing at all like his mother. You raised a wonderful, loving and gentle ma. Thank you."
"You're sweet, but you know that's not true," he returned with watery eyes. "He's a man of his own making. I had little to do with his upbringing I'm ashamed to confess." He sighed.
"You're wrong," I debated. "He learned by example and he didn't get his gentle heart and his loving nature from his mother. You know that's true because he had to get that from you."
He hugged me back, a big bear hug engulfing me with his strong arms. He was taller and stockier than Peeta but he reminded me of his son nonetheless––he was a Mellark. "Thank you, thank you," he gushed back. "Thank you for loving my son. You don't know how much it mean to him and to me to have his dream come true. He's very lucky to have you."
"I think you have that backwards, Jimmy,' I snorted back in return. "I'm the lucky one."
"Katniss?" I turned around to find Madge at the top of the stairs.
"Madge, what are you doing here?"
"I wasn't about to let my best friend leave without saying goodbye," she said as tears brimmed her eyes. I laughed at her appearance. She was a pair of dark blue pants and button down shirt. It was so unlike her to be dressed in slacks. "What?" She looked confused.
"What are you wearing?" I chortled. "You look like…"
"Oh, what? You think I wear dresses all day?" she snorted back as she gathered me her arms. "I'm sorry Katniss. I just don't understand how this happened. First Prim and now you with Peeta."
I was speechless for I couldn't find the words to express how I felt––fear mostly. All I knew was that I was going into the arena with my boyfriend Peeta, the boy with the bread.
"So before you go, I want to give you something," she said as she reached into her pant pocket. Between her fingers tips was a golden pin––a MockingJay. "When we visited the cemetery this afternoon I didn't' realize that I would be giving this to you."
"Madge, I can't take that," I said. "That's belongs to your aunt." She shook her head.
"I know Katniss," she returned. "But I want you to have it for luck. It would mean a lot to me if you wore it." I was surprised and honored but also horrified at her gesture of trust and faith in me.
"Madge, that's the symbol for the…" I looked around me. Dad and mom's faces were unreadable but there was something in Dad's eyes––a look of pride. Thank God Darius and his peacekeepers were downstairs giving me privacy with my family and friends.
"Please Katniss," she said. I couldn't understand why it was important to Madge for me to have the pin. She grabbed my hand and placed it in my palm. It felt cold and heavy like it had a different kind of weight––a weight of responsibility and meaning.
"Thank you, Madge," I said. "I'll treasure this." She gave me one last hug then she left.
Mom approached me. Her tears were wiped from her face but her cheeks were blotched and red. "Katniss," she sobbed as she placed both arms around my waist. "Katniss, my beautiful and strong daughter."
"Mom!" I said in return an ache in my throat and my knees weak.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she repeated. "I love you."
"I…I love you too, Mom," I said feeling as I if was five again. She felt like mom, the mom I remembered before Dad's accident. She released me and cupped her hands on my face.
"You are strong and brave," she said. "Never forget that." I nodded my head. "You love so fiercely and so passionately, like your father. I have never for a moment felt disappointed. You took charge and cared for Prim when I failed you both."
"Mom, please stop." I didn't need her to rehash history that was sore and bitter between us. Bringing those memories and moments only fueled my anger. I was trying to be like Peeta––forgiving and loving for those who hurt me.
"Listen," she pleaded. "I…failed you as a mother for years after your father's accident, but despite that you have grown up to be a beautiful and strong woman without me. And Prim has blossomed under your care and love for her. I am proud of you. I am proud to be your mother. I love you."
I again was stunned, my throat paralyzed to form words as my mind tried to catch up to my emotions that bubbled in my chest––pride, heartbreak and mostly love.
She released me and soon as I'm free from her embrace Dad tucked me in his arms as his cheek brushed my head. He had tears in his eyes. "There's so much I need to tell you," he started. "So much to say, how much I loved you from the first moment I saw you. The first time I held you in my arms. You cried so loud and for so long I thought my ears would hurt. It was the most incredible sound I've ever known. I swore you would never cry from pain or hurt I caused you."
"You never did," I soothed him. He flinched. "You are the best Dad that any daughter would be proud to have."
"And, I would never trade you for all the boys in the world, my little sparrow." I laughed, watery and filled with joy and heartache. I haven't heard him call me by that nickname in years, not since the accident. He also joked how he never wanted a boy as I filled the shoes as a son I always thought he wanted.
"Dad," I choked back tears. "I'm so scared." I wasn't scared I was petrified as the reality of my situation settled in my mind––I was reaped, chosen personally by President Snow.
"It's okay to be scared. You're not alone," he returned. "I know that Peeta will take good care of you. He won't let anything happen to you while he's alive. I promise you that." I nodded my head.
"Because we protect each other," I reminded myself.
"And because he loves you, has loved you since you were seven," he stated. "Even at five, he knew who he wanted and he waited, didn't he?"
"Yes, he did." My longing and ache for Peeta intensified. I would see him soon for there was no doubt about that.
"And you're in good hands because you have Haymitch and Peeta to look after you," he said. "I trust them to keep you safe and that is the only reason why I can let go of you."
"I love you, Dad."
"I love you, Katniss," he returned.
"Garrett, it's time," Darius appeared at the stairs alone. "I've delayed and held off as long as I can but it's best we leave now."
"I'm sorry." Dad said last minute as I turned and stood next to Darius. He looked sorrowful like he wanted to say more but we exhausted our time. Before I took another step he grabbed me and held me in his arms again. "Stay alive both you and Peeta. Don't give up. You're coming home, both of you." I gasped at his last comment wondering what he meant and hoping that Darius didn't hear him. "I swear, you're both coming home to us."
My feet felt numb but somehow I managed to walk down the stairs and exit the bakery. It was a chilly night but I couldn't feel the cold air that surrounded me. Mom, dad and Jimmy trailed behind me. I gasped in surprised. In front of me were the Merchant and Seam gathered in front of the bakery. In front were the Undersees, Madge and her parents with their hands in the air three fingers pointing upward. Everyone followed suit as a gesture for unity. My heart burst with sadness and pride as they bade me goodbye with respect and honor. I smiled as I passed Agatha. She had her arms around her waist and tears in her eyes.
The townspeople followed my family with lanterns and torches in their hands creating a procession as they followed us to the landing field behind the Justice building.
Soon I was separated from my parents, guards surrounding me like a wall with guns ready in their hands. Four drones hovered in the air. I was alone for the first time in my life as I was strapped and buckled into a seat once I was inside the hovercraft.
The last image I saw was my mom cradled in my dad's arms crying openly as the crowd gathered behind them. The ship rumbled beneath my feet and the air shifted. The door closed and the smell of pine, leaves and earth was replaced with metal, oil and a musty odor I didn't recognize.
"Make sure she's strapped in securely," a Peacekeeper instructed the soldier sitting next to me. The female soldier tugged at my belt.
"Strapped and secured, sir," she reported back. I felt lost, alone and scared. I knew at the end of the journey, Peeta waited for me. I sent a silent prayer for Prim hoping she was all right. She must be feeling scared and alone as well surrounded by strangers at place that was not home missing mom, dad and me.
With all the strength I could muster, I gathered whatever courage I had left to meet my future and destiny––Peeta for he who waits at the city that has brought nothing but fear, despair and pain in our lives. I drew courage knowing he was my light at the end of the dark tunnel for I am not alone and I am loved.
AN: Please accept my apologies for not posting this as I anticipated. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Thanks again for your patience and understanding. I didn't think people would be waiting during the holiday season since everyone is so busy. Lol. Happy New Year. Until the next time.