A cautious foot forward

He had called her last night and arranged for them to meet up the next morning at a Bistro near him. He had already made up his mind from before he called her, but when she asked if he had made a decision, he remained cryptic and said he would prefer to discuss it with her in person. He supposes that it was cruel of him to keep her waiting, but to be honest; this was not something he wished to discuss with her over the phone.

He sees her at the door, shaking the rain off her umbrella; like him she has arrived early. She scans the tables and soon spots him, before nervously making her way over. He can't help but notice that she looks tired; well if the dark rings circling her eyes where anything to go by. What he doesn't know is that she hasn't been sleeping, not a wink since he left her motel room, unable to rest until he gave her an answer.

"Hi," She greets him apprehensively; taking off her jacket and taking the seat opposite from him.

"Hi... thanks for coming."

She looks at him incredulously, as if to say… Are you being serious, what do you take me for, oh course I was coming? However, thinking better of it, she refrains from responding.

"Would you like a coffee, or…?"

"No..."

Now he's stalling. So she cuts him off mid-sentence; her anxiety getting the best of her now… "Fitz, I didn't come here to drink hot beverages, I just…" She pauses, trying to regain her composure... Did he have any idea what this was like for her? "Please, I need to know what you've decided." She pleads to him desperately.

Feeling a little bit guilty, he decides to delay no further, by telling her what she needs to hear… "I will agree to access…"

Her reaction is instantaneous, as she chokes out… "Really?" She almost can't believe it, but at the same time she's never felt more relieved in her life, like a huge weight has been lifted from her shoulders… "Thank you," she tells him tearfully, overwhelmed by his decision… "You don't know how much this means to me…"

He gives her a moment. If her reaction is anything to go by, then he knows this means the world to her, however he also realises that he mustn't let her get too carried away, because this decision to let her back into her son's life, also comes with some restrictions… "Olivia…" he calls to her; and with such as serious tone, that it doesn't fail to draw her attention…

Their eyes meet. He has her full concentration.

"I… I need you to know, that as much as I agree that this is in our son's best interest, this arrangement also comes with certain conditions…"

"Conditions?"

"Yes, conditions…"

"What are they?" She asks, unable to mask her trepidation; knowing she's not going to like this, but equally knowing she's hardly in any position to disagree. Although, truth be told; she wants this so badly, she'd walk through fire if he asked her to.

"I wish to take things very slowly, so to begin with, all visits will be supervised- I don't intend to go down the legal route, so the visitations will be supervised by me…"

She nods, she can't argue with that, "Of course…"

"Secondly, visits will take place somewhere public; on neutral grounds…"

If anything she is somewhat relieved that it won't be taking place at the flat, that place held too many memories for her, too many regrets and what ifs... "Okay, sounds fair enough to me".

And here's the difficult one, he thinks, unlike the others he's bracing himself for her not so eager acceptance… "Lastly, and I recognise that this won't be easy for you, but I've thought long and hard about it and I will not have it any other way…"

She gulps, the fact that he feels the need to prepare her has got her feeling even more anxious... "Go on…"

"Dependent upon how things progress, initially, I only want to introduce you to him as Olivia, not as his mother, not yet…"

"What?!" She's flabergasted; she wasn't expecting that at all… "Why?" she questions flatly, hurt too.

He remains firm, as he explains his rational. "The reason being, as much as you say you'll stick around, I can't be for certain, therefore the last thing I want is to introduce you to him as his mother, and then a few months down line, you up and disappear again…"

"That's NEVER going to happen!" She fires back.

"Maybe so, but I'm not willing to take that risk, not with Josh…"

"But I'm his mother Fitz! How can you possibly introduce me as anything else…?"

"I'm sorry Olivia, but until you can prove to me that you're in this for the long haul, I will not change my mind on the matter, take it or leave it…"

It goes without saying, she's incredibly unhappy about this; for her, it's as if he's offered her something in one hand and then, just as quickly, snatched it away again with the other. Although looking at it from where he's standing, as much as it grieves her, she has to acknowledge that her disappearance has left him with very little faith in her. Evidently, she has a long way to go before he will ever learn to trust her again, and this is probably a far as he's willing stretch right now… But at least it was a start, she thinks, knowing it could have been worse; he could have said no… Therefore, she will take what she can get! At the end of the day, she's been given the chance to be with her son, and for now that's all that matters; the rest can come later…

And so, with no further deliberation she accepts his terms and conditions, and promptly sets a time and date for their first visit; whilst silently vowing, that no matter what obstacle she is faced with, she will stand firm, stay committed and prove herself worthy once more.