Aftermath

As soon as she left the apartment she was kicking herself with regret, because it came immediately apparent that her actions could have cost her everything. She had been honest when she told Fitz that by giving that picture to Joshua it had not been a deliberate act to unveil her identity. She just wanted Josh to have it, so that he could see her whenever he wanted. Her actions had been solely driven by her heart and not her head, as much as the others would like to think it wasn't. Frankly, at this moment in time she doesn't care what the others think of her, the only opinion that did matter to her was Fitz's. Although, his reaction did worry her; as it was reminiscent of the reaction she received nine weeks ago, when she had unceremoniously turned up at his parent's doorstep and announced that she was back. Had she set herself back, after weeks of progress... yes, there was a good chance that she had!

However, although her son's birthday party probably wasn't the best forum to express her misgivings when it came to Fitz's stilted and regimented visitation schedule, she was glad to get her feelings off her chest. She had grown impatient waiting for him to recognise the growth and progress she had made. It was getting ridiculous; how much longer was he prepared to keep her true identity a secret from their son? As much as Fitz might struggle to admit it, it was clear as day that Joshua was instinctively drawn to her; his beautiful little face appearing to light up as soon as she was near... He needed her, just as much as she needed him, but above all Josh deserved to know the truth.

But what if Fitz decides her act is unforgivable? She suddenly feels ill at the prospect of it... What if she never gets the chance to hear Joshua call her mum. What if Fitz stops visitations all together? Then what? She couldn't let that happen! She had to make this right again!

First of all, she needs to apologise, that is a given, but when exactly? She could hardly turn around and go back to his parents place, surely that would only cause more trouble than good, but then again she is worried that if she leaves the apology until Fitz has had a chance to cool off, then he might think she doesn't care enough to come and make amends sooner. Either way she had her work cut out for her.

2 days later…

They were running a bit late this morning. Fitz had overslept. Since the fall out at Josh's party he had struggled to have one night of peaceful slumber. His mind was restless, as it tried and failed to figure out a solution for this huge mess! He hadn't heard from Olivia either, which to an extent worried him… What if the confrontation was too much for her and it had pushed her over the edge? Ever since she revealed to him about the extent of her depression, Fitz had been reading up about it (at the time, he needed to know all the facts before agreeing to any sort of visitation, but later on his research was spurred on my his need to understand her more). He recalls a particular article where it explained that with depression, like many other illnesses, people were prone to relapse; that they could be functioning perfectly well and then something unexpected could occur, completely knocking them off balance and causing them to spiral back down again. He hoped for his son's sake and for hers too that that wasn't the case.

"Daddy?"

Slightly exasperated from rushing around… "Yes son?"

"Is today Monday?" Josh was obsessed with the days of the week at the moment.

"Yes son today is Monday..."

"So tomorrow is Tuesday?" He confirms with a smile on his face.

"Yes son."

"So I'm going to see Ms Olivia tomorrow?"

Fitz freezes, as he takes in his sons hopeful expression. It has always fathomed him how Josh could uncannily choose the most inconvenient of times to bring up the most difficult of questions.

"I'm not sure champ..." He replies in all honesty, apart from not hearing from her, he wasn't too sure if he was ready to forgive and forget her behaviour in all its entirety at the party.

Luckily her decision to give that photo to Josh and the implications behind it had completely gone over his little head... At only three years of age, fortunately he was too young to connect the dots himself. And he would be lying if he didn't admit that he was glad about it. Because he honestly felt it was too soon to reveal the truth... But if he were to look deeper into his self conscience, he would question if it was too soon for Joshua, or was it too soon for him?

"Whyyyy?"

"Why what son?"

"Why are you not sure I will see Ms Olivia...?" Joshua asks, his brow wrinkled in confusion.

Fitz eyes travel to the clock briefly, before falling back on his son again; who is now standing directly in front of him in silent demand of an answer.

At this rate they were going to be late...

But then... Whew... Saved by the ring of his cell it seems... "Hold on, one second son..." Fitz takes his vibrating phone out from his back pocket and stares at the caller ID, "OLIVIA" flashes back at him... Oh brother…

Okay, it was now official; he was never going to make it into work on time today.

They arranged to meet in the hospital canteen at noon.

Of course, it's comes as no surprise to him that when he gets there, she's already settled at a table, waiting nervously for him to arrive; whenever anxious her timing was always impeccable.

He takes a calming breath and heads over, promising himself that he will remain calm regardless of what is said.

"Hey…"

Pulled from her thoughts, she looks up at him, mirroring his greeting… "Hey."

He takes a seat.

"Do you want's a coffee, or a tea…?" She stalls slightly…

"No, I'm good…" He replies flatly.

"Look Olivia…"

"Fitz I…" They both say together.

Fitz encourages her to proceed… "Sorry, you go first…"

"Thanks... I know it might not sound like much, but I'm really sorry for what happened at the party... I just didn't think... I should have asked you..."

It surprises him how much needed to hear her say that, and remarkably he finds himself softening. "Yes, yes you should have..."

He pauses in thought. Obviously, he did not agree about the way they got to this point, giving Joshua that photo was a reckless decision on her part, but neither does it distract from the fact that maybe it was time to stop fighting what was eminent and face reality, Olivia was Josh's mum and she was not going anywhere. Even before the party, he himself had been considering that things needed to move forward...

It was time take the plunge. "Olivia you need to understand that these decisions need to be thought out properly, and handled with care... At the end of the day I have to look out for my son's welfare, and something as big as this just can't be thrusted upon him, we both need to sit down with him, together, and explain it..."

A ray of hope, she almost can't believe what she's hearing... "So.. so you agree that he needs to be told?"

Despite recent events, deep down he knows it's the right thing to do... "Yes, yes I do..."

Reading between the lines, she starts to tear up, unable to comprehend it. This was actually happening... Chocked up... "I don't know what to say... Except, thank you Fitz... you have no idea what this means to me, I won't let you down again, or Josh, I promise!"

"For Joshua's sake, you better not... But hear me on this, this works on my terms alone, we can discuss it, but I will make the final decision on how and when we tell him, okay?"

She can't help but recognise his need to be in control, and she suspects that the root of it stems from the lack of control he was faced when she left, so she doesn't dare argue with him. To be honest she's leaving here with more than she ever bargained for. "Fine, whatever you say Fitz, I'm just happy we are finally here, so thank you..."

She'll give him the control he craves, for now.