All recognized characters belong to DC comics. The poem is original work, please don't use without permission or crediting me at least.
"This just in, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow, Two-Face and the Joker have escaped from Arkham Asylum. All are considered to be armed and dangerous. Do not approach them under any circumstances. Please call this number if you have any information on their whereabouts."
Acacia pauses in her writing and looks up at the television. She leans back against the couch her father bought her the last time he escaped. She taps her mechanical pencil against her lips. They wouldn't come directly to her apartment—she knows Batman or one of his cohorts will be here soon—but which safe house will they use first? Acacia hears her window open, but doesn't bother getting up. It is either Robin or Red Robin. They are the only ones to come through her window. Red Hood and Nightwing use the front door and gods only know how Batman gets in.
"Hello, Miss Dent." It is Robin. He is the only person she knows besides Alfred that speaks so formally.
"Hey, Robin. So you're the babysitter this time? Help yourself to anything except my chocolate. And God help you if you get into my chocolate." She adjusts her position against the couch so she has a better angle to write on the coffee table.
"I do not want your chocolate. I am merely here to make sure that you do not have any contact with the recently escaped criminals." Such a charmer.
Acacia shrugs and takes a sip from her coffee mug, which holds hot chocolate and not coffee.
~~Well of course not, coffee is horribly bitter. ~~
The teenager lets out an audible groan and slams her head against the glass table. She thought that she got rid of him last week. Why, in the name of everything that is unholy, is he back so soon?
~~Ah, come on, Mamba, you know you miss me when I leave. ~~
She waves off Robin's raised eyebrow and attempts to focus on her Government homework. Oh, she misses her little voice alright. She misses him like she misses the expired milk she threw out this morning.
~~Now that's not very nice. I'm only here to help you. ~~
Her left eyebrow twitches as she copies the answer from the text book to her notebook. Help her? The only thing the voice helps her do is go insane. It sounds a lot like her Uncle Joker, actually, and that kind of creeps her out…Wait, hadn't the news said that her uncle has escaped. She feels the blood drain from her face and she stands up hurriedly.
~~Oh goody! Uncle Jay's coming to visit! ~~
"What are you doing, woman?" Robin is standing next to her with a confused look.
"Me? Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Just…uh, preparing for some…company." Acacia is darting around her house hiding anything that is sharp or could be used as a heavy throwing object.
"You mean your English partner?"
The teenager froze. She then lets out a slew of cursing in several languages, mainly Russian. She scrambles to find her phone and cancel the study session. She knows that she shouldn't have allowed him to come and work at her apartment. She knew it was a bad idea from the beginning. She spots her phone and lunges over her couch to grasp her phone. Just as she dials his number, there is a knock at her door. Acacia lets her head drop in defeat.
"Acacia? Can I come in?"
She gives a muffled yes, but remains in her awkward position. Her legs are on the couch and the top half of her body hangs off the side with her arms stretched out in front of her, one hand holding a phone. She hears Drake walk in and pause at the sight of her position and Robin standing off to the side—little brat is probably laughing at her.
"You okay there, Dent?" He sounds amused.
She sticks an arm in the air, giving him a thumbs up. "Peachy."
She can hear him moving around her apartment, probably setting his stuff down and looking around. She twists her neck to an awkward angle to see his shoes in front of her face.
~~I'm pretty sure those are Italian~~
Well, they certainly look expensive. Acacia allows him to help her up, planning how to get him out before…wait a minute. Joker's coming to see her and she has two Robins in the room. They aren't any match for him, because Drake has to pretend he can't fight and Robin has had little to no experience with the Joker.
~~Now you're gettin' it, sweet cheeks~~
Tim is going to 'find out' that the Joker is like an uncle to her and then he'll either become over protective, or run away. She has a strong suspicion that it will be the former, but one can never be sure. She turns to her 'partner' and asks, "Did you see the news? Quite a few of the Rouges escaped Arkham tonight."
He freezes as she puts him on the spot, but recovers quickly. "Yeah, I was gonna cancel, but then I remembered you live in the Narrows and thought I could check in on you and your family." He looks around. "Speaking of them, where are they?"
~~Oh, what a mean little boy. I say we make him uncomfortable. Because that comment was uncalled for. He knows exactly where they are~~
Well she'd be damned if she doesn't agree. "Somewhere out in Gotham, plotting his next move." He gets rigid again and meets her gaze as she smiles sweetly. 'Poison them with honey' is what Aunt Ivy always says. "Oh, you probably meant my foster family. They couldn't give a damn if I died or not. I think they're currently in the Bahamas. Rich bastards that they are."
Drake opens his mouth to speak, but a gravelly, mocking alto cuts across. "Tsk, tsk. And people think I'm a bad guy. I mean, really, who leaves for the Bahamas and gives their child a rat hole to live in?"
Tim whirls as Joker steps out into the light, a red painted smile adorning his face. There's a muffled moan and Acacia looks to see Robin unconscious and tied up with duct tape. A smile quirks at her lips at the sight, Joker catches it and winks at her. He walks forward, twirling a switchblade between his fingers. "What? No hug for your favorite uncle?"
"Stay away from her," snaps Drake, stepping in front of her and pulling her up against his back. Acacia blinks at the move. She hadn't realized that she qualifies as an important person to him. A cruel smile curls her lips as she clenches the back of his dress shirt in a show of fake fear. This will be very useful in the future.
Uncle J starts laughing in his demented way. "Oh, I see. You like my darling little niece. She's so lovable, isn't she? Just makes you want to cuddle, doesn't it?" The homicidal sociopath—which is a really mild diagnoses—moves toward them, making Acacia's self-proclaimed protector back up until they meet the wall. "But, you've had sooo much time with her. I think it's my turn now."
There's a noise of protest before Uncle J knocks the teenage boy to the side with a baseball bat to the head. Acacia looks dispassionately at the body, before turning to the mentally unstable clown. "Really? A baseball bat? Couldn't you get, I dunno, a metal pipe or something?"
The Joker throws his head back, laughing. "That's my girl. Now, you do realize that to make this believable you have to be unconscious too?"
Acacia glowers at her uncle. "You just want payback for the time I ruined your suit."
The Joker straightens his currently dark purple jacket and grins. "Well, these are quite expensive."
The teenager throws her hands in the air. "I was five! How was I supposed to know that I couldn't use your jacket as a costume?" However, instead of getting an answer, she gets a baseball bat to the base of her skull.
~~I sneaked around the corner, checking to make sure that no one had seen or heard me. Daddy was in a meeting and had told me to stay in my room. I had been doing that, but then I got hungry. There wasn't any food in my room, so I went to raid the kitchen for munchies. I got into the kitchen and stared up at the top of the fridge. Miss Nina, my nanny/housekeeper, had made chocolate chip cookies earlier and placed them in a jar on top of the fridge.
I eyed the top of the counter before deciding there was no way I could reach it without a boost. I walked over to the table and began pulling a chair toward the fridge. It took me several minutes because I didn't want anyone to hear me (and the chair was heavy) but I made it.
I clambered on to the chair, then the marble counter. I moved toward the fridge slowly and when I got there scowled. The cookies were still out of my reach, and I knew I couldn't lift a chair onto the counter. I stretched my self to my tiptoes, my hand just barely grazing the jar—
"And what are yoou doing, little girl?"
I turned my head to look at the man in the kitchen doorway. He was tall, but hunched over. He wore purple pants with suspenders. He had a green shirt with a purple suit coat over it. He was leaning against the door jam, watching me with curiosity. He had white face paint on, with black paint around his eyes and red on his mouth and smiling scars. His hair was green and hung around his face in greasy pieces. His eyes were black and cold, like all the life was taken out of them.
I hadn't met this man before, but I knew he was someone to be feared. Later, he would become someone dear to me, a precious uncle. For now, however, he was a stranger in purple with smiling scars and greasy hair. I didn't answer, just gazed at him. I was still precariously balanced on the marble counter, just barely leaning on the fridge.
He moved his eyes to where my fingers were reaching for the cookie jar, and a slow smile formed. "I see. You want the cookies. What a bad little girl. Making some chaos. I approve." He proceeded to walk over to me and grab the jar off the fridge top and open it. He took one, shoved it in his mouth and then extended the jar to me.
I slowly lowered myself off of my tiptoes and stood normally on the countertop. I reached inside the jar, still watching the purple clown man, and grabbed a cookie. I sat down on the counter, swinging my feet over the side, and began to eat it.
Another wide grin appeared on his face as he took the chair I used earlier and sat on it. He grabbed another cookie and began eating that one. It went on like this for a while, him eating a cookie then letting me grab one. It was when the cookies were almost gone the stranger leaned forward, placing his arms on his knees and looking me in the eye.
"So, I'm the Joker. Who are you?" ~~
Filth and decay are
Ground into the Narrows
Suffering and hunger are
The lives of children
No one comes out
At night, at light
The playgrounds are empty
Not a child seen
Jack moves steadily down
Empty streets, crowded allies
He looks for the
Place he once was
He stops, staring at
A leaning gray shed
He and his sister
Had once called home
The door opens unsteadily
As if to fall
The space is small
Smaller than he remembers
He is larger now
He knows now that
This is not a
Home for happy children
This home is for
Children who hide and
Shake in fear of
The man called Father
Memories, thoughts, dreams, hopes
This leaning gray shed
Held all of those
And not much more
He takes one more
Look, then places something
On the floor, he
Walks away, whistling
He raises a purple
Gloved hand, holding a
Button, he presses down
And grins at the
Explosion, finally he has
Killed the rest of
Jack, Jack is no
More he is now
The Clown Prince of Crime.