Maya,

You need to stop apologizing for this year, we both made mistakes. We both let things go unsaid and unchecked, and we both have to do better this year. I promise to do better as well, I need to share how I am feeling and not worry about unconvincing others with my problems. You are my best friend and I know that if I have a problem or a concern that you are there to help me through it. I just have to let you help me.

So things with Ben are going great. After that night on the pier we have been being more open and honest. He told me that he knew about bullying because when he was in elementary school he was bullied. Isn't that crazy, someone as amazing as him inside and out was bullied. He said it was because he wore glasses and the kids would call him four eyes and other things. Although he said he was never bullied to the extent that I was that he still understands and I believe him. He is very gentle with me in terms of he makes sure that I know he knows that I am strong but its like he wants to share some of the burden. I am really lucky to have someone that is as caring as he is. He never pushes me into doing things that I don't want to do, and he is always there when I need him.

It's so different than what I had with Lucas. Whatever that relationship was. Ben is open and honest and I know how he is feeling. While I don't know if my feelings for Lucas will ever go away. I mean he was my first crush, kiss and possible love. I don't think that we are meant to forget that. But Ben he can be my first kiss where the guy initiates it. He can be my first meaningful boyfriend that last more than twenty minutes. I hate comparing the two, but I feel that I have too since I do still have feelings for both… but ben he is something more. I feel more with him. Does that make sense? Is it possible to love two people at once? You never answered that question all those months ago, what do you think?

For the fountain I think that you need to shade more into dark and light. And add the light in, like you did with that painting in class a few months ago. Instead of making me want to go inside and past the door make me want to go to the other side of the fountain to see what is there. Maybe add a little bit of sparkle… you know how much I love my sparkle. I always think that looking into the fountain that I am looking into a million f wishes and dreams. Those are my ideas.

Next week you guys are coming and depending on the day you may have to sit through one or two of my assignments unless you want to go do something while I complete them. Both options are completely cool with me, it is just based on your preference.

Love you so much peaches,

Riley

Maya read the letter from Riley while sitting at their usual hangout with the boys she was keeping them up to date on how Riley was doing. The only thing that she fibbed on was how riley compared both Lucas and Ben. What she did do was say about how he is her first meaning for relationship that lasted more than twenty minutes. That she was really starting to care about Ben and that he treated her right. Now she was reading reactions, if Maya knew one thing it was that she had to figure Lucas out. She had to make sure that even if he liked Riley still that he had to back off, and let her be happy. Riley deserved that she didn't need some guy to get jealous and ruin everything for her bestie. Farkle looked happy, zay looked worried, and Lucas was tense.

"You know I think Riley going away was the best thing that she could ever have done for herself." Farkle said. "I miss her don't get me wrong, but her letters, and seeing her a little bit ago it made me realize that this was what she needed all along."

"I know, I can't imagine little plant growing up away from us, but I think I agree. Although I don't think that I ever would have pictured her boxing, let alone winning" Maya agreed.

"I always knew that Sunshine was something else." Zay commented. "I think that she is changing… in a good way of course. Right Lucas." As he said this he nudged Lucas trying to get a response. If he was honest with himself, he has been trying to get a response from Lucas since Riley left. Not that Lucas has been a mute but he seemed out of it. Like he was missing something or someone. Zay knew who that someone was. He might not be the smartest in the group but he knew his friends. He kept telling Lucas that he had to talk to Riley, that he couldn't wait forever. They had talked about how he felt about Riley and that Lucas always cared, or maybe even loved her but he was too worried that he would change her mind again. Or that maybe it was a sign that they never should have tried or attempted anything.

"Yea… Yea she is definitely not the same. I guess we will see how much she changed since we are going to see her soon. Wonder what type of assignments she is going to have to do." Lucas finally answered.

"I want to see her fight; I mean think about Riley fighting. She is winning so she has to be good. Imagine how crazy it would be to see her at it. No one is going to mess with her this year." Maya brought up.

"Look Riley can't become this crazy fighter… fighting is never the answer. She couldn't have changed that much." Lucas responded.

"Wow cowboy… hey now calm down. I am not saying that she is going to fight everyone that looks at her the wrong way. But think about it she is getting strong, graceful, and smarter. She is changing every insecurity that she has about herself. What is going to be left to make fun of, and who would with how skilled she is becoming?" Maya defended.

"Sorry your right… sorry" Lucas said.

"Hey kids sorry to break this up but we are closed and Maya and I have to be home. You boys don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. For your parent's sake though go home." Katy interrupted their conversation. They all got up and left. They all separated with a goodbye and headed in the directions of their homes.

As he walked out of the café Lucas felt someone pull his arm turning around he saw Maya.

"Hey Lucas… riley wrote this for you, I don't know what it says but she addressed it to you. You can see there that it instructs you to read it alone." Maya pressed it into his hand and started to walk away. She called over her shoulder "just read it Huckleberry, and whatever you do don't mess up her chance to be happy with Ben. She deserves to be happy."

While Lucas was walking he kept thinking about Riley and was upset with himself. He let his anger at what Riley did, at her not letting them be everything that they should have been stop what they could have started to be. He was upset that he didn't see through her lies. He was in love with the girl and he never saw it. He was mad because he thought that maybe this meant that he never really knew her if she could hide her feelings so well. He was mad the most at himself. He let her go without putting up a fight and now she was happy with some other guy. Some guy that he didn't know. He could have accepted Charlie. He knew that he was a good guy but what did he know about this Ben guy. Nothing, he knew nothing. Would he treat her right, would he pressure her, these were the questions that ran through his mind. That is what made him mad he did this. If he would have talked to her before they could be together. Even if she still would have gone to the camp, she would be writing him, she would jump into his arm, she would be his girl. When he got home he went to his room and opened the letter up. He didn't know what he thought would be in the letter but he didn't expect what he read.

Lucas,

Hey… I know that it's been awhile and I guess that it is my fault. Should have made you talk to me. I shouldn't have let you shake me so easily and I am sorry. I have to say that I miss you, I miss all of you but I miss you. I miss talking to you, and hearing about your farm. I miss listening to you like really listening to you. I hope that one day that you can forgive me and we can be friends again. Friends talk but real friends they listen. I am so very sad that we stopped listening and talking. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me.

I know that you still care about me. I don't know in what way but I really hope that we can still be friends. That is what I want right now. I know by now that you know about Ben. I know that you more than likely don't like it. Maybe it's because of how you feel (whatever feelings those may be) but I think it's mostly because you don't know Ben… am I right? Let me tell you about him. He is really caring, kind, sweet, and helpful. He used to be bullied and he has been helping me. Now before you get too ahead of yourself it did stop all those months ago, but being bullied and getting threats isn't something that just goes away. I never said anything but I always had this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I was not good enough. That I was not enough. Not enough for my family, my friends, not enough in so many other things. He said that he felt the same way and convinced me to talk to one of the counselors' here.

It has been helping, I can see that the bully was picking who they thought was an easy target. That once I stood up for myself that they backed down. I know that I am enough and I know that I never should have doubted myself. Ben helped with that too. He pushes me to go further on our runs (yea I run at 6 in the morning for fun for like 8 miles… it is crazy), he pushes me to test what I think my limits are, and he lets me know that even if I get knocked down that I am strong enough to get back up.

He really is a great guy, and you may not want to believe that but he is. I really care about him and I would like for you and him to become friends. Or at the very least to get on good terms. So enough about my boyfriend. Let me tell you about something I haven't clued Maya in on. I have been writing poetry. I think you remember how I told you once that I loved to people watch. I have been writing about feelings and thoughts, and feelings. I have only drabbled in it but it helps me to get my feelings out. It clears my head. I think being in this camp helped me to realize that I want to change things. I want to change the world so I have been writing a blog that I am going to show you all when you get here. It's to help encourage others boys and girls to not believe in what others are saying. That we cannot stand by and let someone tell us what we can and cannot do. I think that I want to do something like this as a career. I want to help others. I think I want to be a phycologist or something. I am still trying to find the right path. What do you think?

I hope that you are good,

(Princess dancing sunshine)

Riley