Disclaimer: All stories are individuals of themselves and are unrelated to each other.

**BUT this is a continuation of 188 and 191**

Gale has the worst night of sleep that night since he's been back. He tosses and turns, his stomach aches, his entire body sweats. He wants to sleep but he can't, and he wants to breathe but his lungs feel small, and he wants to scream but he knows it's pointless.

He isn't sure what time it is that he gives up and rolls out of bed. After pulling some clothes on he marches straight to Madge's compartment and knocks as loud as he can. It takes a minute but soon she opens the door, squinting into the light of the hallway and rubbing at her eyes.

"Can I come in?" he asks. Madge sighs, leaning against the door frame without opening the door. "We need–I need to–let me in," Gale pleads. "So we can talk. Please."

She's quiet for a minute, staring at him with sad eyes before she pulls open the door and lets him in. Gale enters her compartment and makes straight for the couch. She shuts the door after he's inside and walks over to join him, and as she does his eyes scan her body. She's in pajamas, some of the shortest shorts he's seen in District 13, along with a big baggy shirt. He can't help but think she looks adorable.

"It's really late," she says quietly.

"I know. I couldn't sleep." Madge settles on the couch beside him and Gale scratches the back of his neck. "I had things I wanted to say," he starts, "and now I don't…" About this time Madge would usually reach over and grab his hand. Remind him that it's okay his brain is fried and his thoughts are scrambled. But now she only looks at him as though she's trying not to cry, and keeps her mouth shut. Gale takes a deep breath and tries again. "I'm…"

He doesn't get very far.

"I'll make some tea," Madge says softly. She stands from the couch and quietly pads away from him, her footsteps quiet against the tile.

In the kitchen he listens as she carefully rearranges her pots and pans as not to be too loud. Just that alone makes Gale's heart race, because he knows she's doing it for him because one night a little bit back she'd been a little careless and the sound of the pots clanging togeter made him have an episode. The fact that she remembers, that she's so patient, only reinforces the fact that he wants her in District 2 with him.

Soon she returns and settles back onto the couch.

He knows he has to say something. "I don't love her," Gale croaks. Madge sighs, turning slightly away from him. "Madge, I'm confused–and it still hurts, but I don't–I don't love her."

"Gale," she starts, but it's clear she doesn't know what else to say. After a beat of silence she shakes her head. "I can't go with you."

"Madge–"

"Why would you want me to go to District 2 with you if you don't feel the way I feel, Gale? And how could you expect me to want that?"

"It's so much more than that," he insists. Gale's the one that reaches out this time, his hands grabbing hers. "And it's not that I don't feel the same." She lets out a dry laugh and looks away from him, but still he edges closer. "Madge you've got to understand something–for me it'salways been Katniss." Her eyes begin to fill with tears as he again moves closer. "I never had a backup plan because I never thought I'd need one, I never expected things to play out this way."

"Oh, so now I'm a backup plan?"

"No–fuck." Gale takes a deep breath and forces himself to think. One word at a time, to form one sentence at a time. Step by step. He can do this. "Backup plan was not the right set of words, it wasn't what I meant." She won't look at him, her eyes on the ground. "I never expected to feel anything for someone like I had with her," Gale says. "So I never–I didn't know how to deal with it when it happened with you." This time when she blinks a tear drips down her cheek and Gale reaches out to wipe it away. "Katniss was important to me, she always will be, but I don't feel the same as I used to and I know there's nothing there anymore, Madge. I know that." His hand rests on her cheek and he pulls her to look at him. "I feel the same," he whispers.

She shakes her head. "I don't believe you," she whispers back. Gale sighs, pulling away from her. "Gale, I'm patient with you and helpful when you start to slip, but you don't feel the same way I do." His skin beings to hum as though there are bees below the surface, his anxiety is returning full force. "If you'd felt the same then you wouldn't have pushed me away when I kissed you."

"I just didn't expect it," he forces out.

Madge nearly shouts, "Because you asked me to District 2 for a different reason!" He's shaking his head but somewhere inside he knows she's right. "You don't want me there because youcare about me or like me or anything like that, you want me there because I know how to keep you grounded!"

"But I do," he interrupts. "I do care about you, Madge, and I do like you."

"But that isn't why you asked me to go," she reiterates. Gale takes a deep breath and squeezes his eyes together, focusing on the here and now. He listens to Madge's soft voice and grips the fabric of the couch to keep himself in District 13. "I know you care about me," Madge goes on quietly. "But it's not the same, Gale."

Only when he feels her hand on his knee does he speak again. "I want it to be," he whispers. His eyes are still shut, looking at her is too painful for now, but he commands himself to speak. "It's not just what you do for me," Gale carries on. "Because I know you–I know you do so much for me. It's more than that." He wishes he was the same Gale he used to be. Loud and strong and tall and brave and able to say what he was feeling without being hesitant. He hates this anxiety, this constant weight that makes him feel weak. He hates what the war has done to him. "It's how you are with my family," he breathes. "It's how you carry yourself. How you command respect, but… but you're patient, and kind and–"

A loud whistle cuts him off and his eyes snap open. Madge lurches forward immediately, her hand on his cheek. "It's the kettle," she tells him, pulling his chin so he's looking at her. "It's just the kettle." Gale lets out a shaking breath and he covers her hand with his own. "I'll go grab it. I'll be right back." Only when he nods does she slowly ease away from him, and then she's quick to make the kettle stop howling.

Gale goes through some of the breathing techniques Jett taught him and by the time Madge returns with two cups of tea his heartbeat is steady again. She sets their cups on the coffee table and reaches for Gale's hands the moment she sits down.

"I still can't go with you," she says. His eyes drop, looking anywhere but her. "You need to learn to carry yourself sometimes, Gale. I can't always be that person."

"I know that."

"Then prove it to me," she whispers. "Go to District 2 and show me that you don't want me there just to keep you in check." Her chin quivers and her voice shakes. "Because I want to go," Madge says. "I want to go with you." Gale forces himself to look at her and feels his heart shattering at the look on her face. It's his fault things are playing out this way. He should've known the implications of his request, he should've been honest with her from the beginning. "But not unless you're ready."

So he has no choice. Gale nods and a weak smile fills her face. He has to go to District 2 alone.

They drink their tea quietly, Madge curling up to his side with his arm draped over her shoulder. This is how it could be one day, Gale thinks. And God, he wants that one day more than anything. A future with Madge feels bright. It's the most hopeful he's been for something in such a long time. And it's something that he's sure of.

Madge might not think his feelings are genuine, but Gale knows they are. Sure, much of how he feels for her has stemmed out of her concern for him, from Madge's patience and understanding of his situation. But that part of her is only one of the reasons Gale wants her in 2 with him. He wants her there because he's scared to lose this new beginning.

Soon he begins to nod off. "I should go," Gale murmurs, but Madge reaches out. She looks conflicted, wanting to agree with him but also hold him in his place, and it takes her a moment to say anything. "I want to stay," Gale says softly. "But–we know it would be best for me to go."

"Yeah," she exhales.

Before Gale can think twice about it he bends down, gently pressing his lips to hers. Madge takes a deep breath and smiles as he pulls away. "I'll see you tomorrow," he promises.

She lets him go, and the walk back to his family compartment feels a lot longer than it is. When he collapses into bed, sleep comes easy.

Gale goes to the offices of District 13 the next day and prepares for his departure. Madge was right. Even though this is a journey he doesn't want to take on his own it's best if he does. He needs to get to know himself again in the quiet moments. He needs to rebuild the person he used to be, hopefully into someone stronger and braver than before. And though he wants Madge there, he knows if he does this right that she will be there one day.

He finds her soon after. "I'm leaving Friday," Gale tells her, and she looks genuinely happy for him. "I want to keep in contact with you," Gale says. I want you to know how important you are to me, even without all your help. "If you want that, too."

"I do," she nods.

"I want to see where this goes," he tells her quietly.

Madge smiles, looking down at the ground before back up at him. "Are you sure? You're going to a new place. You're going to meet a lot of new people and–"

Gale cuts her off, "And none of them are you." If it doesn't work out because of the distance, so be it, but Gale can't write off his feelings for Madge. Not yet. "Maybe you can come visit," he murmurs. "Once I'm settled in."

"Maybe," she agrees.

Things are mostly the same following his decision to leave. He tells his family, who are incredibly excited for him, and packs his things. Gale walks Madge home every night and lingers, often wondering if he should kiss her. And when it's time for him to leave he really does.

They're standing at the loading dock to send him off, and after hugging all of his family members for a long time he strides over to Madge, gently cupping her cheeks and kissing her softly. "I'll talk to you soon," he murmurs.

She smiles at him and nods, and he kisses her another time. Because somehow, even though he should be terrified of leaving and starting over, Gale feels brave.

The first week or so in District 2 is a nightmare. Gale's new therapist, someone that Jett recommended, is really great, but socializing has gotten more difficult than Gale thought. His co-workers at his new job respect him, he was on the Star Squad after all, but Gale struggles holding conversations with them. Every morning when he wakes up he feels like something horrible is going to happen, and every night when he climbs into bed Gale has a hard time falling asleep.

He takes a lot of medication now. Two pills with breakfast, for anxiety and stress, another two at lunch, and one at bed time to help him sleep. He can't tell if they're working.

Gale calls his family every day on the phone, and hearing Posy's laughter or Rory's horrible jokes always calms him down. But he and Madge promised to write, not to call, so the two of them send letter back and forth frequently. He sends and receives about two letters a week. Finding one in his mailbox with her loopy neat handwriting always makes him smile. Only when the world gets to be too much does he cave, dialing her number in the middle of the night when he's desperate for her voice.

And she always answers. "I'm sorry," he murmurs into the receiver. Because to Gale, this is him proving he's still too weak for her to join him in District 2. And that's what he still wants, more than anything. "I miss you," he rasps.

"I miss you," Madge echoes quietly. And then she often launches into a story about this or that, someone at District 13 acting up or a silly story about Posy. She talks until Gale calms down, and he craves for her to be near. And then she softly bids him a goodnight.

And in time, Gale learns how to control the nightmares. He learns how to calm himself down during an anxiety attack, or the signs that one's coming on so he can prepare. He focuses his energy to constructive things, like going on runs through the streets of District 2 and becoming more physically fit. He still has hard nights but Gale learns and grows over a few months.

One night a few months after settling in Gale calls Madge just to say hello and the line is dead.We're sorry, an automated voice is telling him. The number you're dialing cannot be reached. His anxiety levels rise immediately. He hangs up and tries again, maybe thinking he dialed a wrong number. We're sorry. The number you're dialing cannot be reached. Again. Again.

He calls the main phone operations of District 13 and explains the situation. "I keep dialing Compartment 4-19 and I'm told there's a problem, that it's not going through."

"Yes, it appears that compartment has been disconnected," the woman on the other end tells him.

"Do you know where I can reach the girl that had been living there?" he asks. "Undersee? Madge Undersee?"

"It isn't looking like there's a Madge Undersee in our system," the operative tells him. Gale starts pacing, his eyes darting back and forth as he tries to find something to focus on.

Place yourself, he thinks. Where am I? District 2. In his kitchen. The item in his hand is a phone. Plastic, not metal like a gun. "Just try Undersee," he croaks. "With a U." The air smells like disinfectant, he'd just cleaned a few hours ago. Gale focuses on the weight in his feet, traveling up his calves, his knees, his thighs. He's here, he's here.

"The system's a little slow today," the woman says. "It's searching now."

Suddenly there's a knock on his door. "Be right back," Gale murmurs into the phone, placing it down on the counter and sprinting to the front door. He throws it open in a hurry, eager to get back to the phone, and freezes. "Madge," he rasps.

She's standing in the hallway with a bag on the ground and a small smile on her face. "Hi," she responds. He strides toward her and throws his arms around her and she laughs. "I wanted to surprise you," she tells him.

Gale breathes her in and pulls her close. Soon her own arms link behind his neck and she hugs him back. "Oh, God," he exhales. The anxiety from mere moments ago is draining from him, he feels like a lighter person. "I just–I tried calling and–" he's still on the phone. "Shit." Gale pulls away from her and holds open the door. "Come on," he calls as he races into the kitchen and picks up the phone. "Hello?" he says.

"Sir, it appears Undersee comma Margaret has left District 13 and–"

"Yeah, I know, never mind. Thank you though!" Gale hangs up the phone and turns back around to find Madge standing in the foyer, just having closed the door to his apartment. "You left 13," he says.

"I left 13," she nods. "I–I think I'm going back to 12. Haymitch has a room for me. But I–I wanted to come see you first." Again Gale steps toward her and a smile fills her face. "Is this okay? I was going to call. I should've–I know I should've called or something, but–"

"No," Gale cuts her off. He shakes his head. "No, it's okay. I can set up the couch, sleep there. And I can take a few days off to show you the district." Gale places his hands on her shoulders, then lifts them to her cheeks. "I can't believe you're here," he says.

She leans into his touch and smiles. "Are you sure it's not too much? I didn't–I didn't really think this through."

He bends down and presses his lips gently to her forehead. "I'm sure it's not too much," he murmurs. Madge snakes her hands around his hips and leans against his chest, allowing his arms to wrap around her as well. "I have so much I want to tell you," he exhales.

"We've been writing letters for months," Madge laughs into his shirt. "There's more?"

"Lots more," he nods.

"Then I can't wait to hear," she tells him. And for the first time since Gale's left District 13 for District 2, he feels like things are exactly how they're supposed to be.