Trust, support and honesty

He looks down at his watch; she was running a bit late which was not like her at all. Assuming that her session with Dr Synnaire has run over he decides to give her a couple more minutes before calling her. He hopes the session went well, because if her head was a turbulent as his was, she was going to need an additional outlet- just as Cyrus and James had been for him. Ideally, they should be the outlets for each other too, but right now it's hard, as both of them are trying to readjust to each other as well as deal with revelations that have come to light.

A year ago, (maybe even a few month ago) the knowledge of her abortion would have brought huge ramifications on her part. Back then, in the midst of the unrelenting anger, he doubts he would have let her anywhere near Joshua if he had known about the termination prior to her return. It's only now, that he has witnessed her strength and growth with Josh and come to understand the root and extent of her depression that he finds himself capable at looking at the whole situation objectively; despite the fact that the knowledge of the abortion has left him feeling so torn. To think, if things had only turned out differently they could have been living in that big house he once promised her, with a dog and three beautiful kids running around the place, but instead they were living apart-had sadly lost two babies and had nearly lost each other. If it weren't for their love for Joshua, or the fact that deep down their love for each other still remained in tact, they would have never made it this far. It was definitely something to hold on to, and although he suspects it's not going to be an easy journey ahead, he's willing to put his faith in love and persevere through. It was also comforting to know that he had his friend's support on the matter. Cyrus and James had always kept an open mind when it came to Olivia's disappearance. He just prays that given enough time and explanation his parents and the rest of his family will come around to the idea as well. He and Olivia would really benefit from their support over the next few months, whereas their opposition would only serve to cripple them more.

Thinking back to his talk with The guys earlier, he also realises that he needs to bring up the sensitive subject of contraception with Olivia, or more precisely the lack of it the morning they reconnected. Honestly, he would love to have more children with Olivia. The fact that they have suffered huge losses on that front if she did happen to be pregnant he hopes that the option of abortion is not something they will have to consider. Although, he would have to agree that Liv being pregnant would obviously not be an ideal scenario at this stage in the game. They were only just finding their feet as partners again, which meant they were hardly in the most stable position to effectively cope with the additional stress of a pregnancy, and then subsequently the demands of a new born baby. They already had their hands full juggling Joshua's wellbeing and making sure that their relationship doesn't have a negative impact upon him, let alone add another baby in the mix; it would be too much for them right now. So he can only hope that fate will be kind on them this time round.

After ordering himself a coffee, he takes another glance at his watch and then promptly dials her on her cell… It rings without answering. Slightly worried now, he hangs up and tries again, only this time she answers; breathlessly, "Hello?"

He was relieved to hear her voice, "Hey Olivia, are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine, sorry, we finished up late and then I missed my bus…" she explains hurriedly… "I'm just round the corner now… so I'll see you in a sec…"

"Hey, no worries, take your time… I'll order you a cappuccino in the meantime."

"Thanks Fitz…"

"Sure thing…"

He hangs up his cell and heads over to the counter to place her order. But as he does so, he notes how apprehensious he is feeling. For a brief moment there, he was scared that she wasn't going to show up at all. For when it came to forgiveness, in truth he had forgiven her completely, but he has to admit that his faith in her ability to manage difficult situations still leaves him with some unease. It's not that he doesn't trust her, he's just scared that the stress will push her over the edge again.

When you put everything into perspective it has been an emotionally wrought week for the pair of them, not to mention physically taxing too, what with him being sick in bed with Flu. Which also meant that Olivia had to quickly adjust from being part time mum to full time mum, plus she was looking after him too... It must have been exhausting for her, and that's all before you took into consideration the emotional impact of them sleeping together, plus the aftermath and painful reveal that followed after… He was just about holding it together himself; he could only imagine how she was dealing with it. And although he had made a point of duty to check in with her regularly, to make sure that she was coping; which she insists she is, he realises however, that he can never be too sure with her. Experience had dictated that she was a pro when it came to hiding her true emotions… and he knew how dangerous that could be in the long run. Conversely, he was also acutely aware that this underlying fear of her getting ill again and running off and leaving him and Joshua a second time round, wasn't too healthy for him either. Somehow, he needed to come to terms with things too...

xxxxxxxxxx

Just as she stated over the phone, a few minutes later she arrives at the bistro, but looking slightly dishevelled. He stands and greets her with a kiss to her cheek, before taking a good look at her… he notices that her eyes are tinged with redness and they are slightly puffy… "Olivia, you've been crying; are you okay?"

She nods. "I'm alright… admittedly therapy was a little bit difficult today, but it was needed…"

"Okay…" He understands, letting her take a seat. Once he is sitting opposite her, he reaches over and takes her hand in his… "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks cautiously, not wanting to come across as too intrusive, but needing to demonstrate his concern for her.

"Not right now," she tells him wearily, "Honestly, I don't know if I have the strength to go over it again tonight… Although there is something I need to ask you…"

"Sure, what is it?"

"I don't know how you'd feel about it, but Dr Synnaire thinks it would be good if you could come to my next session?"

His brow furrows at the sheer thought of it, the idea of sharing his inner most feelings with a stranger had never really appealed to him…

"You don't have to decide right away…" Olivia adds, immediately picking up on his reluctance; however one look of her hopefulness quickly evaporating into disappointment complete undos him, and he finds himself agreeing… "No I'll go, if you think it will help?"

Her relief is palpable. "I think it will…"

"Well in that case, let me know when and I'm there…"

His response brings forth her first smile for the day. "Thanks Fitz."

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The rest of their lunch goes by relatively smoothly, and although banter is slightly stilted in places, just the acknowledgement that they are there having lunch alone, together, without the practical arrangements of Joshua being their sole purpose, is a very nice feeling indeed. He had missed this greatly, just being with her, talking about trivial things, having a laugh and a joke, simply being at ease with her. Sure, he still has pressing things to discuss with her, like the likelihood of her getting pregnant from last weeks escapades, but right now, he just wants to savour this precious moment of peace between them; as it renews him with the hope that everything will work out fine in the end.

With the bill paid... "So where to next?" She asks.

"Well Cyrus and James said they'll happily keep Joshua until the evening, so we could either head back to yours, or we could go for a stroll in the park, maybe grab an ice-cream?"

Her eyes light up… "I think a stroll would be nice."

He grins, "Me too."

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Pistachio ice-cream… He was glad to see that some things stayed the same. Watching her enjoy it, savouring every morsel, it takes him right back to their early days in college where their weekly diet consisted of instant noodles, a tub of pistachio ice-cream and popcorn, although the later two were her really her thing, although he soon found himself adapting. Back then, they were still strangers in many ways, just getting to know each other, young and naive, they had no idea what life would have in store for them, but yet for some reason he had always found himself inexplicably drawn to protect and care for her. On that front, those feelings had always remained in tact and became the very foundations of their relationship. For he has, and will always care about her, even when he was angry at her for leaving them he never once wished her any harm.

She draws him from his reverie, as her own thoughts cause her to enquire… "When you dropped Joshua off, did your the guys ask you what you were doing today?"

"They did, and I told them I was with you…"

"You did?" She sounds shocked by that statement. Which he immediately homes in on…

"You don't mind, do you?"

She shakes her head… "No, but I thought we were going to keep this between us for now… without the pressure of others knowing?"

"I asked them to keep it to themselves, believe it or not but they're on our side Olivia."

"It's not them that I'm worried about Fitz."

"I know, it's my folks… but they'll come round eventually, they're just being extra cautious… Besides, I'm sure that they suspect something's going on between us, although they would never admit it, knowing them they won't say a thing until I bring it up myself!"

"I know that we're going to have to tell then sooner, rather than later, but I really don't want to, because I'm scared about what they will think, or what they might say... I don't think they'll be happy about us getting together."

"That's because they don't know all the facts yet, but they will, and when they do, they'll be a lot more understanding..."

"I don't think they'll be as understanding as you Fitz, especially when it comes to the baby... They will hate me."

"No Olivia, they won't hate you…" He assures her gently, stopping them in her tracks and making her look at him directly, so there is no denying his sincerity. "They'll understand Olivia, just as do I… I promise, they'll be no blame or judgement being passed your way, do you hear me?"

Feelings of doubt shed; only be renewed with those of faith as she tells him… "I hear you... And thank you, I honesty don't know how I managed to deserve someone like you." She kisses him ever so sweetly, as he in turn embraces her in his arms. "I love you…" she whispers against him.

"I love you too."

He gives her another peck on the lips, before they part and continue with their stroll, arm in arm.

Secured in how they feel about one another, he realises that now was as good a time as any to bring the other matter up… Trying to sound casual, he adds… "Oh, there is something I need to talk to you about, in fact it came up when I was talking to Cy and James; to be honest, I'm surprised I never crossed my mind sooner…" He carries on nervously, "I suspect I was just too swept up in the moment to register it… and I totally forgot…"

"Fitz, what is it?"

He swallows. "That morning, when we… when we…"

"Made love?" She finishes off for him…

"Yes, made love… I wanted you so badly, that I didn't even think about taking the necessary precautions, when it came to- well, you know… and now it suddenly occurs to me the consequences of our time together, and what it could have possibly resulted in…"

"You mean, as in a baby?"

"Yes," he replies sheepishly.

It takes her a few seconds to digest his words, before she questions his exact feelings on the matter… "And how would you feel if I were pregnant as a result of our time together?" She asks with a slight catch to her voice.

"Frankly, I don't know… A part of me would be happy at the thought of us having another child together, because I would like us to have more in the future… but then the other part of me, the rational side, would have to be honest and admit that now wouldn't be the right time for us… But… I want you to know that If you are pregnant, then I will stand by you, no matter what may come."

She nods, pleased with his answer, she needed him to be real with her and he was… "I agree completely, it wouldn't be the right time for us… However, no way in hell would I even think about not going through with the pregnancy… Not this time, not ever…"

He sighs, unable to hide his relief. The thought of her having another abortion would have killed him…

She adds wistfully. "If everything works out for us and we stay together; you, me and Joshua as a proper family, then there is nothing I want more than to have more kids with you Fitz… But, you don't need to worry about the possibility of that happening any time soon… because you see; I'm not pregnant…"

Confused slightly, "But how can you be so sure…?"

"I've been on the pill for over a year now, the doctors recommended it, to help regulate my hormones whilst I was being treated for the depression."

"Ooooh… I see!"

She smiles at his reaction… "So, panic over…"

He returns her smile, glad that they are on the same page. "Yes, panic over indeed…"