Chapter 16

It wasn't until a few months after her miscarriage that Sylvie finally felt ready to move on. She wasn't fine, that would imply the event hadn't affected her, but she had mourned and accepted and could see out the other side.

Of course, everyone at the firehouse knew what had happened, and she would catch someone looking at her with concern every now and again and feel a little stab in her heart. Her colleagues were only concerned about her, and she loved them for it, but when she was at work, the place where it had happened, she just wanted to forget.

She had made a very tearful phone call to her parents two days after in which her mother had admitted that before they adopted her they had suffered miscarriages themselves. 'Many miscarriages' was the phrase used, Sylvie didn't ask how many. She didn't want to know. One was enough to make you feel as though your heart was being ripped out.

They had decided not to tell Eva and Diego right away, but the kids weren't stupid, they had figured out something was wrong. Eventually she and Antonio had sat them both down and told them what had happened. There were tears, and hugs, and then Gabe and Matty had careened into the room pretending to be fighter jets and had made them all laugh. That's when Sylvie felt she had turned the corner and could see ahead of her a time when it wouldn't hurt so much.

There was no defining event that made Sylvie make the decision, no eureka moment. So when, one rainy evening when she was cuddled with Antonio on the couch watching a movie, she whispered the words "I want to have another baby" she was just as surprised as he was that she felt that way.

"Are you sure?" He had asked tentatively, trying unsuccessfully to keep him excitement under control. Sylvie grinned and nodded eagerly, sure that it was the time. He embraced her enthusiastically and she squealed, delighted. They got straight to work.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell Diego and Eva?"

Antonio stopped kissing Sylvie's neck and looked down at her with one eyebrow raised. "Do you really want to talk about the kids now?"

Sylvie exhaled and ran her fingers through Antonio's hair. "No. It's just, it's a big deal."

"We'll tell them where we have something to tell" Antonio said, but seeing that Sylvie wasn't satisfied with this answer, added "Look, they love their brothers and they love you. They'll be happy, I'm sure of it. Now, where was I?"

When they fell apart in a tangle of sheets some time later, it was still early, no one else in the house was awake. Sylvie reached for a glass of water on her nightstand, breathing heavily. She caught Antonio watching her with a grin on his face. "What?" she said with amusement, laughing herself.

He inched closer to her and lay his hand on her bare stomach under the covers. "This is fun" he said, a cheeky glint in his eye. "I think that was the one."

Sylvie slapped his hand away playfully but made no attempt to push him away further. "Well, you're going to be away for three days, we had to make it count."

"Don't remind me" Antonio said, falling back onto his pillow with a groan. When he had told Eva he'd take her to New York to look at colleges, he hadn't thought it through. A weekend alone with his teenage daughter? Jury was still out on whether it was a brilliant idea or a terrible one.

"You'll have a good time" Sylvie said, reading his mood. "Spending some quality time together. In the fall she might be in another state and you'll regret it if you don't make the most of your time together now."

Antonio knew his wife was right, but he didn't want to think about his baby girl leaving home. Not one little bit. Now it was Sylvie's turn to move closer to Antonio. She propped herself up on her elbow and lay her other hand on his chest. "You better get used to your kids growing up and leaving for college" she said, looking into his eyes. "You'll have to do it three more times." She paused, kissing him delicately on the lips. "At least."

In the driveway as Antonio and Eva prepared to leave, the boys were being uncharacteristically clingy towards their father and older sibling. Gabriel had attached himself to Eva's leg while she struggled to load bags into the trunk, and Matteo had opened the car door while no one was looking and attempted to climb in.

"No you don't buddy" Antonio said, as he grabbed him round the waist and hoisted him on.

On the doorstep, Sylvie watched the scene, then looked sideways at Diego, who was standing next to her sulking. "Are you going to try to stow away too?" She asked, teasing him.

He stood with his arms folded, sulking. He had wanted to go too but was told in no uncertain terms by Antonio that that wasn't going to happen. "I'll be your turn soon enough" Antonio had said when he asked if he could go with them, shutting down his pleading before it had really started. And that was that.

Diego returned Sylvie's look without amusement. "Very funny" he said, and disappeared inside.

"All set?" Sylvie asked, walking towards the car. She took Matty from Antonio and put him down on the ground, keeping a firm grip on his hand.

"Almost" he said, fishing the car keys out of his jacket pocket. He raised his voice to Eva could hear him "remind me why I agreed to this?"

Eva slammed the trunk shut and walked over, with difficulty considering there was a toddler attached to her, and slung her arm around her dad. "Father daughter bonding I think" she said with a grin. "It'll be great."

Antonio rolled his eyes. "You're just hoping I'll take you shopping, aren't you?"

Eva looked around nonchalantly. "We're going for my future education" she said, a little too brightly. "Of course, if we happen to get lost on our way to NYU and wind up in Macy's I won't complain."

"There we go" Antonio said. He ruffled Eva's hair and she batted his hand away in protest.

"Have fun" Sylvie said, kissing Antonio on the lips. She hugged Eva with her free arm that wasn't trying to keep Matty from breaking free, and at the same time extricated Gabriel from his sister's legs. "Wave goodbye boys" she said to the twins, and stood on the driveway smiling as she watched the car reach the end of the street and turn the corner out of sight.

Inside, Diego had put on a pot of coffee and was sitting at the table eating toast. Sylvie lifted the twins into their highchairs ready for breakfast and watched him carefully.

"Are you alright?" Sylvie asked cautiously as she opened the fridge for some milk. Diego didn't look up, he only shrugged. "You know why you couldn't go on the trip…"

"It's not that." Diego signed and put down his slice of toast. He sighed, and slumped down in his chair. "You'll think it's stupid."

Now Sylvie was intrigued. "Try me."

"Promise you won't laugh."

"Cross my heart." Sylvie leant on the counter, waiting.

"I've gotta ask Olivia to the spring dance and I'm nervous." Sylvie smiled, and Diego was indignant. "You promised not to laugh!"

Sylvie fought to get a suitably serious expression back onto her face and walked over to her step son, pulling out the chair beside him. "I'm not laughing, I promise. Why are you nervous? You guys have been together a while, what the problem? I'm sure she'll say yes."

Diego sighed. Sylvie really wasn't getting it. "On Monday Brandon Ashford asked Sophie Morris to the dance in front of the whole class by stretching a huge banner right across the football field. How can I compete with that?"

Sylvie smiled, touched that Diego was sharing this with her in his father's absence. "You don't have to compete. Trust me, I was a teenage girl once. A gesture doesn't have to be big to be romantic. A bunch of flowers from the boy I liked would have meant more to me than a stupid banner."

Diego looked at her sceptically. He wasn't convinced.

Sylvie stood up, in need of coffee herself. "It doesn't have to be a huge public declaration to be romantic" she said over her shoulder has she got a mug down from the cupboard. "You just have to get creative. What does Olivia like doing?"

Diego thought for a second. "I have an idea" he said, suddenly brighter. "Can I have a ride later?"

Eva took a long sip of her soda stared out at the freeway ahead. They were on their way to the airport, cutting it a bit too fine for their flight. "Is there something you want to tell me?" she asked, trying to be casual.

Antonio took his eyes off the road for a second to look questioningly at his daughter. "Like?"

"I'm not stupid Dad." Eva smirked. "I'm not deaf either." Waiting Antonio's face and neck turn an embarrassed shade of red was deeply satisfying and Eva laughed. "Come on Dad, I'm not a kid anymore."

Antonio cringed, but nodded slowly. "Me and Sylvie are trying for another baby."

Eva slapped her leg in triumph. "I knew it."

"We weren't going to say anything until we were pregnant." Antonio glanced across again, apprehensively. "Are you okay with it?"

Eva put her soda in the cup holder in the passenger door and twisted in her seat to face her father. "Absolutely" she said, no longer teasing him. She sounded earnest. "I know you and Sylvie don't like to talk about it, but I know how much losing that baby hurt you. I think it's great Dad, honestly." She paused, the lightness returned to her voice. "But please, no more brothers okay?"

Antonio laughed. "I can't promise. So, what time's this campus tour?"

"It's at 4. But Dad…"

Antonio sighed. "You don't want me cramping your style?" Eva's silence said everything. "It's ok, I have to get used to the fact my little girl doesn't need me anymore."

"I still need you Dad" Eva said with a sigh, "but I've got to do this on my own."

"Horsies!"

As soon as Sylvie unclipped the boys from their car seats they hopped out of the car and bolted towards the fence. Matteo and Gabriel stood with their faces pressed against the wire watching the two horses in the field as they grazed. Neither of them even looked up.

"Come on boys" Sylvie said, offering both her hands out for her sons to hold, and the four of them walked up the path from the car park to the stables.

"Liv loves to ride" Diego said, zipping up his jacket and stuffing his hands in the pockets. "I thought it might be pretty cool to ask her here. I'm not cut out for doing this in front of our whole class." He grinned a lop-sided grin and looked at the ground embarrassed.

When they reached the yard, they found a tall woman in her 50's grooming a large brown mare with a wireless radio playing classical music, the volume turned low. She looked up when she heard footsteps and smiled a welcoming smile. "Hi Diego" she said, brushing the hair from her face with her sleeve. "You've missed Olivia, she'll be back later though."

"Hi Lyn. That's what I'm counting on."

Lyn looked confused and amused in equal measure and put down the brush she was holding. "Have you finally decided to have a go at riding yourself? You're here often enough."

Diego shook his head vehemently. "Not a chance" he said with a grin. "This is Sylvie, my Step-Mom" he said, "and these are my brothers Gabriel and Matteo."

Sylvie smiled at the woman. "Nice to meet you. I'd offer my hand but these guys are so excitable this morning I'm afraid if I let them go I'll never see them again."

"How come I get the pleasure of your company?" Lyn asked.

"I was hoping that Kizzy might help me with something." In response to Lyn's confused but intrigued look, Diego unfurled the banner he had made earlier in the day. In scrolling black letters on the shiny green surface of a tarpaulin purchased from the hardware store were the words 'Will you go to the dance with me?' Lyn smiled. "I've got flowers in the car too" Diego said, "and fairy lights. I thought I could decorate the stable and when Liv brings Kizzy in from the field later I'll be waiting."

Sylvie listened to her step-son's plan with a smile on her face and warmth in her heart. Diego caught sight of the look on her face and turned away embarrassed but Sylvie shoved him playfully and they both laughed.

Lyn lead them to the field where some of the horses was grazing and let herself through the gate. She let the brown mare free. The rest of them watched as she clipped a rope to the pale grey horse's bridle and lead her over. The twins shrank away as they got closer to the fence. As eager as they were to see the horses when they were on the other side of the field, seeing one up close was a different story. Sylvie on the other hand reached out and stroked the horse's muzzle.

"I used to ride when I was a little girl" she explained, running her hand down the horse's neck.

Diego stroked his girlfriend's horse too and looked across at Sylvie. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah. I loved it. Right up until I fell off and broke my wrist when I was seven. Then, not so much." Sylvie felt two small pairs of arms grab her legs and bent down to her sons. "Do you want to say hello?" Matteo shrank further away from the animal and Gabriel shook his head emphatically.

"She won't hurt you if you're gentle" Lyn said, feeding the horse a treat from her pocket, but Diego was the one who convinced them. He lifted Gabriel up so he was standing on the first rung of the fence, and Sylvie lifted Matty.

"I come here all the time" Diego explained to his brothers. "She's pretty awesome. She's Olivia's favourite thing ever, she definitely likes the horse more than me." Diego guided Matty's hand so he could touch the horse's warm coat

Kizzy snuffled, and nudged Matty's hand with her nose to see who this new person was. The little boy giggled. "It tickles."

Not to be outdone, Gabriel stretched out to stroke the horse too. Sylvie had to keep a firm grip on him to stop him topping head first over the fence.

"I think they like her" said Lyn. "How would you boys like to help me brush her?"

Antonio stood outside the university campus building where he'd agreed to meet Eva after her tour drinking a coffee and biding his time. New York didn't agree with him. Being in big cities that he didn't know as well as he knew Chicago unnerved him, but it was only 3 days and he was here for Eva. When he saw her bouncing down the steps towards him full of excitement, her joy was plain to see and he suddenly no longer cared about his own discomfort.

"So, how was it?" Antonio asked, but he already knew the answer.

"Amazing! The tour was great, they showed us the lecture halls and the science labs and even the dorm rooms. And tomorrow we get to sit in on a guest lecture if we want to."

"Ah, I was hoping you'd hate it so you wouldn't want to come" Antonio said, only half joking.

Eva gave him a look. "Dad."

"Alright, but can you blame me. I'll miss you."

Eva lay her head on her dad's shoulder. "I haven't decided yet" she said. She meant it too. She remembered all those years ago when the thought of moving to Colorado and away from most of her family had filled her with dread. She might be older now, but that didn't make it any easier. And now with the possibility she would be getting a new sibling, that was even more of a reason to stay. But she swallowed that thought. She didn't want to jinx anything for her dad and Sylvie.

"Are you taking me for dinner then?" Eva asked after a moment, lightening the mood.

"Sure. Wherever you want." The two of them fell into step as they walked down the sidewalk.

"Pizza."

"Good choice. But first I have a surprise for you." Antonio reached into his pocket and Eva looked across at him curiously. "Here." Antonio passed her two theatre tickets and waited for the reaction.

"Oh my god" Eva exclaimed. "Dad!"

"They're not great seats or anything, but I thought while we're here…"

"They're brilliant" Eva said. "But you hate musicals."

Antonio nodded. "Very true. But you like them. We're on vacation, let me spoil you." Eva threw her arms around Antonio's waist and caught him a little off balance. He almost fell into a passer-by and they both burst out laughing.

"But if you tell Diego I watched Wicked" Antonio said, when he had recovered, "you're dead."

That night, Antonio had one of the best nights he'd had in a long time. Eva's happiness made him happy. All he wanted, when it really came down to it, was to make his family happy. There was very little he wouldn't do for them, no matter how big or small. He missed Sylvie and his boys and was counting down the hours until he could go home and see them again, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd spent time alone with Eva. It would break his heart when she moved away to college, but he wasn't thinking about that now. He was enjoying life in the moment.

Olivia leaned her bike up against the stable block and zipped her jacket up tight. "Sorry I'm late Lyn" she called into the barn on her way across the yard. "You haven't brought Kizzy in yet have you?"

Olivia arrived at the door and Lyn was emptying a sack of feed into a bucket. "No, not yet."

"Cool" the girl said, and ducked outside again.

In the stable, Diego paced nervously. Since Sylvie and the twins had left a couple of hours ago, he had spent all his time arranging fair lights and the banner and only stopped when Lyn insisted he have something to eat and a cup of tea. He'd even mucked out and washed the stable. But it would all be worth it soon. He hoped.

"She's here" Lyn said in a stage whisper and was gone.

Diego heard hooves on the concrete yard, and straightened the collar of his suit. He took a deep breath.

Olivia appeared at the stable door, Kizzy by her side. "Diego, what are you doing here?" A smile spread across her face and Diego thought she looked beautiful. Olivia's eyes went from her boyfriend to the lights to the words on the banner and her smile grew wider.

Diego held out the bunch of flowers he was holding. "Olivia, will you…"

"Yes."

When Antonio and Eva returned home two days later, Diego and Olivia were snuggled on the sofa watching a movie, and Matteo was leaning on the coffee table colouring. "Hey Dad, hey Sis" Diego called over his shoulder. "Good weekend?"

Eva collapsed onto the sofa with a sigh. "So much walking" she said, dramatically. She snatched up the tub of popcorn that lay in the middle of the sofa and helped herself.

"Yeah, we had a good time" Antonio replied. Matteo abandoned his colouring and ran to his father. Antonio dropped his bag on the floor with a thud and picked him up. "Did you?"

Diego smiled down at Olivia and she smiled back. "The best."

"We saw horses" Matty said. "I fed one a carrot and Diego had a big sign and flowers and 'Livia said yes."

Antonio raised his eyebrow.

"To the dance!" Diego jumped in quickly. "To the dance."

Antonio grinned, "that's awesome. You can tell me all about it later. Where's Sylvie?"

"Upstairs."

Antonio found Sylvie in the bathroom with Gabe. She was cleaning his chest with a damp flannel and looked up when Antonio pushed the door open. "Hey" she said, brightly, and suddenly all the exhaustion Antonio felt from his hectic weekend evaporated. "We had a bit of a juice mishap" Sylvie said, looking at a wet t-shirt in a heap on the floor.

"Oops" Gabriel said, and Sylvie shook her head.

"Yeah, oops." She dried Gabe with a towel. She pulled a clean shirt over his head and sent him out the door to go and find his siblings.

Turning her attention to her husband, Sylvie rested her arms on Antonio's shoulders and gave him a kiss. "I missed you."

"You too" he said, "what's this about horses?"

Sylvie smiled. "We went to the stables. Diego asked Liv to the school dance and me and the twins helped him out. It was very romantic. He clearly takes after his Dad."

"I have a confession to make" Antonio said, reluctantly. "Eva worked out that we were trying for another baby." Antonio waited, afraid that Sylvie would be mad, even though she was the one who suggested talking to the kids first. But she only shrugged.

"They were going to find out sooner or later" she said, and kissed him again.

Antonio enjoyed Sylvie's kisses, her lips on his neck made his skin tingle. "What do you say we get back to our mission?" Antonio whispered in Sylvie's ear.

"Well" she said, continuing to tease him and enjoying every moment. "I wouldn't say no, but we may not need to." She felt Antonio's body tense and laughed when he pulled away to look at her face. The joy on her face was plain to see and Antonio's heart started pounding.

"Are you messing with me?" Sylvie shook her head. "You're serious?"

"Maybe" she said, excitement and apprehension in her voice. She reached around Antonio and picked up a paper bag that sat on edge of the bath. "I was waiting for you to get home."

The smile on Antonio's face was a mile wide. Sylvie allowed herself to smile back. Whatever the outcome of the test, and whatever worries she would have down the line whether the result was positive or not, she allowed herself that one moment of happiness and hope for the future. She pulled out the unopened pregnancy test and held it in front of her, smiling up at her husband.

Sylvie couldn't help reflecting on the last time she had held a pregnancy test in her hands. Alone I the bathroom at the fire house and scared to death about how much he life could change. She never dared to dream back then, over three years ago, that everything would work out as well as it had. This time, she wasn't scared, although she suspected she would be later, she was only excited about the prospect of expanding their perfect little family.

"Are you ready?" Antonio asked, taking her hands.

Sylvie nodded. "Go wait in the bedroom, I'll come through in a minute."

Antonio kissed her hands and stepped out of the bathroom. Sylvie heard the sound of the TV and the kids chatting from downstairs. She shut the door behind Antonio and locked it.

This was it. Again.