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Word Count - 369
Insomniac
He couldn't sleep. That was nothing knew of course, Severus had been an insomniac for many years and he doubted that would ever change. Being a double spy didn't lend itself to peaceful nights.
Sitting in the Headmaster's office, a reward for his 'loyalty', he sipped from a tumbler of whiskey. He felt wretched, knowing that he had to be there, and hating himself for being the reason he had the chance at all.
Sure, this had been the plan and he could better protect the students this way, but he still felt that bubble of self-loathing in his stomach that refused to leave him.
He was hesitant to speak with Albus' portrait in the same way that he was hesitant to face the staff that he'd long called his friends. The portrait hurt him, because as much as Severus wanted it to be Albus, he knew in his heart that it wasn't. The staff hurt because they hated him with a deepness that didn't surprise him, given what they thought he'd done (what he had done) and yet it still wounded him.
The sad part of it all, was that he had proof he was on both sides the entire time. He'd taken his double agent name and lived it so thoroughly that sometimes, even he struggled to see where his light and dark inclinations were.
He thought of himself as Dumbledore's man, and yet, he still maimed and murdered and tortured so what did that really make him?
Severus sighed, leaning back in his chair. Tomorrow was the start of the new Hogwarts year, and with it, his first year as Headmaster. He'd never coveted this position, never wanted this kind of responsibility, and yet, here he was.
Would the students behave themselves? Probably not. He could only hope they kept their infractions to a minimum, because there would only be so much he could do with the Carrows there watching his every move.
He had no idea when, or how this war would end. But Severus knew he would probably not see the end of it. He was many things, but an optimist wasn't one of them.
And that was why Severus couldn't sleep at night.
...
Written for;
Book Club - Pine Sap: insomniac / hesitant / Severus Snape
Showtime - 30. Loyalty