It was noon. Of course, the time of day was not relevant in any way, but since Ellie had been criticized for not starting any chapters with elements of setting or mood, she was overcompensating in her narration. She was currently sitting by the giant search engine that Elkay had made for her. Why? Who knew. She had been trying to look something up, but she forgot what it was halfway through. While she waited for it to come back to her, she scribbled on the manuscript with a rather messy quill. Had the paper been thin enough to break, the tip of the feather would have pierced the page. Ellie was putting a lot of pressure on the parchment, because she was in a terrible mood. She didn't appreciate everything Alan had said about her, especially now that his thoughts (to some degree) were being expressed in the narrative. And yet, she was still unable to improve her writing, even with his criticism in mind. It was infuriating.

"Goddamn it, I'm a terrible author," Ellie muttered, "I'm laying it on so thick that I can't come up with a clever way to end this sentence."

She sighed and leaned back in her chair.

"I guess it doesn't help that I'm talking to myself. Nobody does this in real life unless they're crazy."

Which she was.

"I don't want to think about that."

She did, however, end up thinking about whatever it was that she had been trying to suppress, and promptly destroyed the paragraphs that described what was going on inside of her head. She wiped away her tears and sighed.

"Oh, god. This is bad. This is so bad."

She was just about to restart the chapter and give it no dialogue whatsoever, but her pathetic attempt at excusing her incompetence with an avant-garde style was interrupted when Elkay burst into the room.

"Where's Claire? I need her."

"What for?" Ellie asked.

"We're going to design stuffed dinosaurs for the Build-A-Claire Workshop. I need to see what she looks like when she's standing on two legs."

Ellie hummed.

"She's at the cabin. Don't bother her. She's still recovering from the Bonobella incident."

"Oh, that ruminant rascal!" Elkay laughed, "Doesn't she know that it's her job to be cute and cuddly for the fans?"

Ellie sighed.

"You know, you're really starting to sell out. It's almost disgusting how much you're exploiting our likenesses."

"Oh, Ellie. You can't stay mad about that one action figure forever. Besides, our toys don't sell nearly as well as Claire's."

Ellie frowned.

"Don't bring up that stupid trinket. It was disgusting."

"Well, suppose a kid wants to remove your head to reenact the battle of Uluru . . ."

"Shut up. Don't make fun of people's deaths."

"Would it help if I made fun of one of the times I died?" Elkay cooed.

"No!" Ellie snapped, "That would be immat- Wait, you died more than once?"

Elkay nodded.

"Mhm. That was back when I was good, and there was no Elliesium to contain me. There was a space between the Beneath and the world of the living-"

"I don't care. My point is, you shouldn't exploit people's personal tragedies like that."

Elkay hummed grumpily.

"So, the Zebil prototype is in poor taste, then?"

"I haven't seen it, but yes."

Elkay crossed her arms grumpily.

"You're no fun, Ellie. If you knew how much other people exploited random crap for monetary gain, you wouldn't think twice about my stupid escapades."

Ellie gave her a look of disdain.

"Elkay, you're probably the most capitalistic dragon I've ever met."

"That's racist."

"How?"

"There's a common stereotype that dragons like to hoard riches," she explained, "I mean, it's true, but we're not the worst for it. I had a friend- Well, ex-friend, really- who made gazillions off of Overworld merchandise."

Ellie lifted her head.

"An Asterparan sold goods in the Overworld?"

Elkay hummed.

"Well, not quite. See, when I created the Overworld, she cast a spell to exploit the popularity of pink zebra print. For every piece of pink zebra merchandise sold, she gains liquefied gold that is approximately the same mass as the object in question."

Ellie smirked.

"That's a very specific spell."

Elkay snorted.

"Yes, well, we all have our talents. Mine's transfiguration. It's weird, because my mom can only change for a few minutes at a time. I've only ever seen her as a human and a boa . . ."

"When was she a boa?"

"You weren't around. Well, you were, but you didn't see. Kind of. It's an Easter Egg. Anyway, now my ex-friend is super rich and refuses to give me the time of day."

"Weren't you Queen when all of this happened?"

"Yes, but Mo'nique wasn't really concerned with that. She spells her name with an apostrophe, by the way. Don't ask me why. She's just eccentric, I guess. Point is, don't buy any pink zebra stuff. Ever."

Ellie sighed.

"Alright. Can I have some time alone now? I'm feeling a little bit blue."

Elkay rolled her eyes.

"Alright, Mrs. Grumpy Pants. I'll go out and find something to do. I've been meaning to tease Vic. God, he's such a square."

Ellie frowned.

"Don't tease people. Especially Vic. He's sensitive."

Elkay gave a honking laugh.

"Ha! Don't get me started! The other day, I tried to get him to snap back into his evil ways to prove a point, but just when it looked like he was going to break, he burst into tears and started whining about how much he hated himself and how he didn't deserve Zara and-"

Ellie stood up quite suddenly.

"Elkay, what have I told you about being unnecessarily cruel?"

The dragon rubbed her chin.

"Mmm . . . Something about not doing it?"

"Exactly!" Ellie spat, "You make it really hard for me to defend you. You know I care about making you feel welcomed here, but you have to do the same for everyone else. Be nice. Set a good example. By the time your egg hatches, I expect you to be a model citizen."

Elkay snarled.

"It's not my fault, Ellie! Everyone around here is beneath me. Vic and Zara are gross, Claire is neurotic, Owen is attractive but otherwise worthless, Alan's a grumpy old man, Charlie and Kelly are busy with their kids, Zebil is dead, Robin is dumb as a bag of hammers, my mom is an asshole, and that magic talking marshmallow you keep telling me about doesn't seem to exist. How am I supposed to be nice to a bunch of losers?"

Ellie exhaled in frustration.

"Those 'losers' are my friends. I don't expect you to relate to them, but please don't make your situation worse by provoking a negative reaction."

Elkay rolled onto her back.

"I want a friend, Ellie. I need someone who understands my need to bitch about everything that bugs me. Can't we make an evil clone of you or something?"

Ellie rubbed her temples.

"I think I've had enough of you today. Go find something useful to do."

"Can I set something on fire?"

"No."

"Can I set something on ice?"

"That's not a real expression."

Elkay darted out the door.

"That wasn't a 'no'! I'm going to freeze the hospital! Stop me, Ellie, stop me!"

Ellie did not move. She could hear Elkay cackling maniacally as she ran down the hallway. With a bitter frown, she turned to the supercomputer and started typing in search directions.

"You want a friend, Elkay? I'll get you a friend . . ."

***TSJWFEW***

"You WHAT?!" Elkay shrieked, "Why on earth would you ask Mo'nique to come here? Are you crazy?"

Ellie continued to strut down the pier.

"You need a friend, Elkay, and from what I gather, Mo'nique was your pal for a very long time."

Elkay dragged her lower eyelids downwards with her claws and groaned.

"Ellie, you don't understand this whole 'grudge' thing, do you? I hate Mo'nique. I hate the way she talks, I hate the way she dresses-"

"Do pink zebras even wear clothing?"

"No! That's what I hate about her! She's so pretentious and pompous and periwinkle-"

"Your alliterations make no sense," Ellie grumbled, "Look, just give her a chance, okay? It's been eons since you last saw her. Maybe she's changed."

"People like that don't change, Ellie. She's a selfish a-hole who only cares about her own needs."

"Like you."

"Yes, like- Wait a minute . . ."

Ellie smiled.

"Take it easy, okay? Everything is going to be just fine."

Elkay hissed bitterly.

"You're wrong, Ellie. Dead wrong."

Elkay marched down the pier, her claws clicking steadily. Ellie made her way back to the island, where Neithhotep was waiting.

"Is Mo'nique really as bad as Elkay says?" she asked, "She's making her out to be a selfish bitch, but she once claimed that Joe Johnston was Satan, so I'm not sure if she's exaggerating or not."

Neithhotep shrugged.

"Mo'nique is a little bit greedy, but nowhere as bad as Elkay claims. And when did she say this about Joe Johnston? I thought she liked most of his movies."

"Yes, but he also directed Jurassic Park 3."

Neithhotep nodded.

"Ah, yes. Elkay described the film as a slanderous betrayal akin to-"

"Sh! Keep quiet about that. The political blabberings of Elkay should not be registered on the manuscript!" Ellie hissed.

Neithhotep rolled her eyes.

"Ellie, please. She's frightened away the people with weak sensitivities long ago."

"Long, long ago."

Neithhotep looked down the dock. Turning as well, Ellie saw Mo'nique strutting towards Elkay with a very cocky "hey girl" kind of air about her. She said something to Elkay, who said something back. They then opened a portal and walked through it.

"Wow, that was quick," Neithhotep said flatly.

Ellie nodded.

"I guess that means they're friends again."

"And?"

"I'm off the hook. Elkay is done with being a pain in the ass."

***TSJWFEW***

Elkay giggled as Mo'nique handed her a clutch of giant quail eggs. They peeked over a hedge and smiled deviously.

"Okay," Elkay whispered, "One . . . Two . . . Three!"

They stood up and started pelting the eggs at a nearby house. The heavy splat-splat-splat of the exploding spheres rattled the walls. Elkay and her companion ducked out of sight as the lights flicked on inside. A very disgruntled man opened the window.

"Hello? Is someone there? I'm Joe Johnston, director of Jurassic Park 3."

Mo'nique narrowed her eyes.

"Who introduces themselves like that?"

Elkay shrugged.

"Joe Johnston, I guess."

The director leaned out of the window.

"If you're here about the movie, you can just leave your hate mail out front. I have a separate box for it. Just put it in the second one if the first is full."

Elkay blinked.

"Wow. He must have a lot of hate to deal with. I almost . . . feel sorry for him."

"Well, he has to face lots'a criticism," Mo'nique said casually.

Elkay folded her ears back in distress.

"I guess I never thought . . . I mean . . . people just hate him so much . . ." Elkay muttered remorsefully.

"He really screwed up Jurassic Park 3."

"Yeah . . . he did . . . only, he reminds me of Ellie."

Mo'nique pulled her head back in surprise.

"How?"

"I dunno," Elkay sighed, "She takes a lot of shit from people who would otherwise be her friends, but now that she's Queen, they see her as some kind of metaphorical punching bag."

They turned as Joe Johnston called out to them.

"Hey, you lousy kids! I can hear you back there! Get off my property, or I'll shoot you dead! I mean it!"

Elkay padded away with Mo'nique following close behind.

"That was totally worth it, but what's even better is that it gave me an idea," she announced.

"And what idea would that happen to be?" Mo'nique asked.

"I'm going to narrate again."

Mo'nique blinked rapidly, still clip-clopping steadily down the road.

"Narrate? You sure Ellie would be okay with that?"

"Mhm. She's not very good at it, and besides, she needs a break."

Mo'nique smiled.

"Well, here's to a good-"

They yelped as a bullet whizzed past them.

"Run first, talk later!" Elkay shrieked.

***TSJWFEW***

Eventually, Elkay and Mo'nique returned to Isla Nublar. They were now best friends, but since Mo'nique had an estate to attend to in Asterpara, she had to leave the next day. She promised to drop by every now and then to check up on Elkay, because she needed a good bitching session to relieve the stress of being surrounded by weirdos.

Ellie agreed that Elkay should start narrating again. That's why Elkay ended the last paragraph on a high note. Unlike Ellie, she could anticipate when the audience would be getting bored.

Now that she was in charge, the story would be a whole lot more comprehensive.