I'm sorry that it took me so long to update. God damn, I was just so busy. I apologize.
I hope this chapter will make up for the lack of time I have spent updating this story. In all honesty, I don't know how I like it, yet. It hasn't grown on me.
Title: Darling, You'll Be Okay
Rating: M
Summary: You let out a deep sigh as you pull your jacket closer to your body because the air seems to have gotten colder since she went back inside. You're not too sure of what exactly just happened, but you're pretty sure that you somewhat made a friend. Girl-Peen.
Disclaimers: This story is loosely based off of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower AND the song Mine (which Naya Rivera rocked). I own no characters, except for the ones I create. Nor should I have credit for some of the similarities between the two things stated above. This chapter also uses lyrics from The Color Morale's song "Learned Behavior". Check them out!
"You want to go somewhere?" Santana asks and you almost have to bite your tongue from saying 'yes' way too fast.
"Sure, lead the way." You say, cracking a half smile in attempts to see hers again. She returns the smile and gets up from the seat, offering you her hand so that you can get up as well.
You're hesitant, but you take her hand anyway; and you are certain that there was a tiny spark between you two, and you're not too sure whether or not she felt it too. But your hand feels warm in hers and you just want to melt into her. But you can't, not yet, anyway.
Santana grasps your hand as she leads you out into the parking lot and into the back corner of it, and you almost have to wonder, what if she's some serial kidnapper or something?... Because taking you to the dim-lighted back corner of a parking lot would seem suspicious to anyone; but something tells you that her intentions are definitely not like that.
You approach a truck that you assume is hers and she helps you get into the passenger's side. You almost want to chuckle to yourself because Santana is a little bit shorter than you, but is helping you get into a truck that you are tall enough to get into by yourself; but you just acknowledge the gesture instead.
Santana runs around the truck and gets into the driver's side. She turns the engine over and then stares over in your direction, sending a reassuring smile to you before driving off. You stay silent for the majority of the car ride because you want to keep watching the scenery change outside; even if it is dark.
Santana pulls into a dark wooded area and you gulp loudly, probably enough for her to hear, because you're thinking that maybe you were wrong about her intentions. She gets out of the truck and comes over to your side, opening the door. You have a panicked look on your face and you're pretty sure your palms are sweating a lot.
You hear her laugh lightly to herself. "I didn't bring you out here to kill you or anything, Brittany," Santana says as she holds out her hand for you to take. "Just trust me."
You want to retort by saying you trust no one; but you don't want to say anything because you DO want to trust her. You do want her to stick around; so you bite your tongue and hope to make the best out of it. You nod at her and follow suit as she heads into the woods; using the flashlight app on her cell phone to light the path up so you can safely travel down it.
When you reach your destination, you can see the moonlight glistening off of this small lake in the middle of the woods. You instantly feel warmer as the two of you approach the shore.
"I always come here to think," Santana says, "Like my own private getaway. I thought I'd share it with you." She ducks her head and smiles at you before kicking her shoes off, followed by her socks, rolls up her pant legs and walks towards the water. "Come on!" She exclaims and you do the same.
The two of you stand in the shallows for a little bit, just admiring the coolness of the water in the humid August heat. "It's beautiful out here," Your voice says, just above a whisper and you hear Santana hum in agreement.
She looks at you and smiles before walking back towards the small sand bank, sitting down and patting a spot for you to come sit next to her; you do.
"I want to get to know you, Brittany… like really get to know you." Santana states bluntly, "And I want you to know about me."
The last time you ever heard someone say that was when Molly was still around. The first day you two met, you were getting picked on by a bunch of jocks. Molly turned the corner and yelled at one, who was her cousin or something, and threatened to tell his mom about all of the horrible things he did to you. They backed off and she helped you off of the ground and smiled at you.
"Hi, I'm Molly."
"Br-Brittany." You stuttered back as you stumble to your feet.
"I'm sorry about them… they can be such assholes." Molly replies, sending a smile your way.
"I'm used to it…" You respond, ducking your head. "It's not like I have any friends anyway."
"You shouldn't be used to it," She says, wrapping her arm around your shoulder, "I'll be your friend. Come on! I want to get to know you and I want you to know me, too."
The two of you walk off slowly down the hallway.
You snap back into reality when you realize Santana's staring at you.
"You okay there, Britt?" She questions, raising her eyebrow.
"Yeah, I'm fine… just flashback. Sorry." You reply, "I want to get to know you, too."
"Cool." She smiles, and wraps her arm securely around your shoulders. "Come on, don't be shy!"
You don't know how to react when Santana's arm reached around you. You feel warm… safe, even. You feel like you felt when Molly wrapped her arm around you. You feel like you belong. You smile at the feeling and scoot closer to Santana.
"So, why did you move here?" Santana asks, her thumb rubbing soft circles on your shoulder. You're way too focused on the feeling that you almost forget to answer.
"Uhm," You clear your throat before you continue, "I moved here because of what happened at my old high school." You sigh as you let the words exit your mouth.
"If you don't mind me asking… what exactly happened at your old school?" Santana's voice is soft and soothing, and there's really no way you can avoid her questions when she asks them so sincerely.
"I… uh, I got expelled…" You say just above a whisper. "For uh…" You want to tell her why you got expelled, but something catches in your throat and you stop talking. You hold your breath and start counting, a mechanism you used to use in high school to keep you from over-thinking.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Britt." Santana reassures, "I understand."
"I want to," You start, "I just don't know how to word it and how you may possibly react." You bite your lower lip, trying not to lose your mind.
"Well, I'm here to be supportive, so… whenever you're ready, okay?" Santana asks. You nod and she cracks a smile at you. "What if… I tell you something about me? Something that no one really knows and then we'll see if you feel ready to tell me your thing?"
"Okay…" You say hesitantly. You don't know if her secret will be as big as yours, but you really, REALLY want to trust this girl. She seems nice… sweet, even. She really wants to get to know you and she's about to open up to you, hoping you'll do the same for her.
"I moved here after high school," She starts, "I spent the majority of my time pushing my glasses up my nose and hugging my books to my chest so they wouldn't get knocked out of my arms. I was kind of this giant loser in high school, and it was all because I had a secret that got out my senior year. So not only was I the nerd, I was the freak. My ex-best friend shoved me out of the closet after I confided in her, I trusted her with everything I had and she turned on me. She told every person in the school that I liked girl. And so, when word got out, I was treated worse than I was before. I mean, I was already that smart kid that no one wanted anything to do with." Santana sighs. She shakes her head a bit before looking in your direction, "I was an outcast. I know exactly what it's like to hurt because of something or someone. That's why I moved here. Because I figured it would end as soon as I hit college. I went from a small, close-minded town to here."
"Wow, Santana, I'm sorry." You say, and you kind of want to beat yourself up because you wish you could have said a lot more than just that. But you look at her and wonder why she changed so much, too. She doesn't wear glasses anymore, and doesn't look like she'd be a nerd or a geek. Then you realized that it was probably what she wanted, to feel comfortable in her own skin. You kind of wish you had the courage to do something like that, but you don't and you just keep secretly admiring her for getting past such a rough patch in her life because you're still not past yours.
"It's okay. Shit happens, you know?" Santana lets out a huff of air before taking her arm from around you. She turns in your direction and presses her lips together. "I hope you have no problem… you know, with me being gay." She sounds so serious and is looking at you with eyes that are laced with hurt. You assume she's trying to stand tall because she may fear that you have a problem with her being gay. You need to let her know that it's no problem at all. Maybe you even need to tell her your secret.
"I don't, Santana. I have no problem whatsoever with you being gay. I support you and accept you for who you are." You say. You want to scoot closer and you want to kiss her because she looks so sad and you want her to be happy. You want her to let her know just how much you understand where she's coming from because you're the exact same way (with the added appendage). But you don't. Something stops you and you wish you had the courage to just lean forward and capture her lips in yours.
She has a look of relief that washes over her face when the words fall from your lips.
"Okay, good." She smiles at you and you smile back. "Thank you for being who you are… for being someone I can trust. I hope you can trust me, too." Santana grabs your hand and rubs her thumb over your knuckles.
"You are. I mean, I think you are. I feel like I can tell you anything, Santana." You breathe out, "But I'm scared. I've always been scared. I've always built up these walls."
"Sometimes, it's good to build up walls… not to keep anyone out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down." Santana lets go of your hand and moves back next to you so that her shoulder is bumping into you.
You never thought about it that way. You used to build up walls so that no one could get to you, so that no one could see your hurt. You've always been cautious and here is some girl that you just met a few days ago, breaking down those walls.
"I, uhm… I want to tell you my secret." You say, just above a whisper. "Because you made me realize that I can't just keep it bottled in forever. And if there is one person I would want to know besides my family, it's you." Santana rests her head on your shoulder and her hand finds its way to your knee.
"Okay," Santana replies, "Tell me whenever you're ready."
You inhale sharply, remembering how nervous you were when you first told Molly. But Molly took the news with a smile on her face and a hug. You know Santana will probably be taken aback a bit, but you hope she's fine with you after that. Why wouldn't she be? She just told you her deepest, darkest secret and you accepted it like it was no big news to you at all. If anything, it made your heart race a little faster because if she'd ever be interested in someone, it could potentially be you.
"I'm kind of just like you… except for one thing. When I was born, I was born wrong. Not saying like I'm a dude in a girl's body because it's not like that. I know for a fact that I'm a girl and that I like girls. I was just born with… with a boy's… you know… I was born with a penis. And it was some weird thing that happened and the doctors I guess are still trying to figure out if I was supposed to be a twin with a brother or what… but yeah. I never tell people because it's kind of weird to hear about a girl with a boy's appendage."
You let out all of the air in your lungs and close your eyes tightly because you're scared of what Santana's face looks like. You're terrified of her reaction. That is, until, you feel a soft pair of lips pressed against your cheek.
You open your eyes as soon as her lips move from your face and you watch out of the corner of your eye as she ducks her head.
"You're really brave, Brittany, and I accept you for the way you are. You're an amazing person, and I am so glad I met you" Santana looks at you and starts to bite on her lower lip. You turn to look at her face to face. She smiles and so do you. You have found someone that you trust just as much as you trusted Molly. Your head feels lighter, your soul feels warm. You're smiling and it's not a fake smile.
You don't say anything, though, because staring at Santana seems to be saying it all. You feel this rush of braveness come over you and you take your lower lip between your teeth before leaning forward. The gap closes between Santana and you as your lips touch hers. The kiss is sweet, simple, and over way too soon for your liking, but you didn't want to confuse your feelings more.
You pull away and instantly apologize for kissing her, but instead she stares at you with a goofy smile on her face before standing up, holding her hand out for you to take. You almost want to take it as an invitation to finally be able to melt into her, but you play it safe and softly grasp her hand as she helps you up.
"I hate to cut this night short," Santana says, "But it's almost midnight and I feel like your parents may murder me if you're not home soon… I know how parents can be like, especially when you're still in high school."
You nod in agreement because your parents usually tell you to be home by midnight, and even though they haven't blown up your rarely used cell phone, you don't want to piss them off.
xxxxxxx
The drive to your house is silent, not because you didn't know what to say, but because Santana's singing along to the radio and you're getting lost in her voice. The only time you talked was when you were giving her directions to your house.
She pulls up in front of your house and the only light that appears to be on is the living room light and TV. You assume it's Kaitlyn because she's the only one who stays up late. Santana shuts the car off and looks in your direction, grinning widely as she watches you fumble with your seatbelt.
"Thank you for tonight," You finally say as you look at her.
"No, thank you. Thank you for opening up to me and trusting me… Can I… uh possibly get your number? I really want to see you again."
"Yeah, yeah you can." You pull out your cell phone and hand it to Santana as she does the same to you. You type in your number and give her the cell phone back.
"I'll text you or something, but I'll see you soon, okay?" Santana says as she slips her cell phone back into her pocket.
"Okay, yeah… that sounds good." You reply and you know that you really should be getting out of her car, but you don't want to and by the look on her face, she doesn't want you to, either. "I should probably go…"
"Yeah, probably…" You watch the expression on Santana's face fall and you want to lean over and kiss her again. But she didn't really say anything after the last one, so you hold back.
"Bye, Santana. I'll see you soon." You grab the door handle and let yourself out of the truck, smiling softly at her once you're out. You close the door and draw your arms to your chest as you walk towards you house. Behind you, you hear a car door open and then shut and footsteps behind you.
As you turn around, you're facing Santana and her mouth is open like she's trying to say something, but nothing's coming out. Instead, she just closes her mouth and pulls you closer to her, pressing her lips against yours. You're almost amazed at how perfectly your lip and her lips fit together as you kiss her back. She pulls away and presses her lips together.
"I… uh. I just really wanted to do that again." Santana bites down on her lip and you smile widely at her. You don't say anything, though, because it kind of took you by surprise. "Say something, please?"
She looks concerned even though there is a giant smile on your face and you're seriously happy as can be. "I really like you," Is all you can get out of your mouth.
"Good… Because I really like you, too." Santana replies before leaning in to kiss you again. "You should really go inside." She mumbles against your lips.
"You're making that kind of hard." You chuckle and she pulls away with a fake pout on her face.
"Do you have to go?"
"Yeah, I mean… I'm pretty sure Kaitlyn is awake to make sure I make it inside…" You start to rub your neck with your hand.
"Right. I know. I'll see you around." Santana turns around and starts heading back to her truck as you start heading towards your front door.
You're happy, you're finally happy. And you never expected that one girl could change that so quickly. Once you're inside the house, you turn the corner to see Kaitlyn staring at you with a smug look on her face.
"Just a friend, right?" Kaitlyn asks.
"Yeah. Just a friend," You reply as you start to ascend the stairs. "For now, at least," you mumble to yourself.