A.N Thank you for all your comments on Chapter 13 I still can't believe how much love there is for Bill Chapman :) and it's so nice to hear that you are enjoying reading about Alex's recovery and I hope you continue to enjoy!
Piper moved precariously through the ridiculously heavy double doors balancing a large cardboard box on her arm as she applied the antiseptic gel to her hands before moving further into the ward. It was always quiet at this time, evening visiting hours had just ended and most patients were now being settled for the night. She had nodded to some of the frequent visitors she had got used to seeing on her way in but with Alex in a private room she did not see them enough to do anything other than smile in greeting. Seeing them reluctantly leave made Piper incredibly grateful that the staff were still allowing her to sleep on a camp bed in the corner of Alex's private room. She knew deep down it was more to do with the amount of money her father was paying rather than their own generosity but still she felt blessed that she didn't have to leave Alex alone each night. Trying to hitch her bag further up on to her shoulder Piper felt like some sort of posh squatter. Each afternoon she returned with her bag containing her clean clothes and toiletries plus anything Alex had asked for. It had only been this last week that she had begun nipping home while Alex had started the rehabilitation course after two weeks and a half weeks at staying nearly permanently at the hospital. The length of the Physio gave her just enough time to have a bath and stick some washing in, do any small chores that were essential then set off to be back here for when Alex returned. Today she was running incredibly late her car had been due at the garage and she had needed to pick fresh clothes up from Alex's apartment. With running back and forth and after a long rambling conversation with her brother about Alex, plans for Christmas and the benefits of a more eco friendly home, she had been gone for nearly 7 hours and she found she was now anxious to see her other half.
Approaching the nurse's station Piper smiled as Nurse Stevens was sat behind the computer with another younger trainee who Piper had seen a couple of times before. She too always had a smile on her face and nothing was ever too much trouble and she was always quick to offer her help. Piper thought her name was Sarah but she wasn't a 100% sure and she kept forgetting to try and sneakily find out.
"Do you need any help there?"
Piper shook her head but couldn't answer due to the car keys she currently held between her teeth, she placed the box down onto the counter and placed her keys into her jacket pocket shifting the rucksack on her back as she did so.
"These are for you!"
Piper grinned and gestured to the large box laughing as Nurse Stevens face lit up as she opened the lid and saw the 12 Krispy Kreme doughnuts nestled inside.
"Thank you Piper this is really thoughtful of you"
"It's no bother I'm really grateful to you all for how much you're doing for Alex and in turn for me. Will you pass them around to the other nurses for me?"
Piper chatted for a few minutes asking the usual questions when making small talk until she began to fidget eager to now go and see Alex.
"How's the rehab gone today then?"
The junior nurse's expression darkened before she snorted and Piper frowned at her, slightly perturbed with her response.
"Oh its been eventful"
"Care to expand?"
Piper's tone was short slightly cutting and she watched as Nurse Stevens ushered the other nurse away citing that she needed the stationary cupboard organising and she would appreciate her starting now.
Once she was out of earshot Piper raised her eyebrow waiting for a response "I think there has been a clash of personalities today Alex has been in a towering temper since her return from physiotherapy and a few heated words have been exchanged"
"What did she say to Alex?"
Piper wanted to know the full details, she could feel her own temper shifting at the thought of Alex being upset even though she knew her love was quite capable of standing up for herself.
"I think it's more of what Alex said to Sarah"
Piper groaned and brought a hand up to her face pinching her nose lightly.
"Alex is frustrated by the lack of progress and I think Sarah's jovial encouragement wore a bit thin. I think the last words were 'Get out of this fucking room and leave me the fuck alone'" the nurse smiled hesitantly as Piper visibly winced "Safe to say Sarah hasn't been back in there since"
"God I'm sorry"
Nurse Stevens laughed "She's a grown woman Piper she doesn't need you apologising for her besides I do understand her frustration its a common reaction from most patients. Its just shouting at the nursing staff isn't going to help her situation we are here to assist after all"
Piper turned to look at Alex's room only noticing now that the blinds on the doors and windows had been firmly drawn.
"I've left her alone since her return, told her to push the button if she wants anything but so far we've not heard a peep out of her not for pain relief not even a request for her evening meal"
Piper scoffed not at all surprised "Oh trust me if Alex is on one you don't see her for dust. Suppose I should get in there then"
Nurse Stevens smiled sympathetically "I wish you all the luck in the world"
Piper grimaced and set off towards the door "Thanks"
Feeling slightly hesitant Piper knocked on the door only entering when Alex gruffly answered and as she struggled through the door her rucksack caught on the handle as she did so causing it to drop loudly to the floor the contents spilling out in every direction.
"For fucks sake" she muttered angrily as she shoved the escaping items back into the bag and chucked it on top of her camp bed for sorting later.
"Hey love"
Alex didn't answer her and Piper inwardly rolled her eyes, she moved forwards towards the bed and went to give Alex a kiss but Alex turned her head only letting her kiss her cheek.
"You're l..late"
Alex's tone was laced with anger and Piper fought had to keep her own voice calm and level.
"The car took longer at the garage than I thought and Cal called just as I was leaving you know what he's like for rambling on. He sends his love though and he says he'll try and get some time off work to come and see you"
"Tell 'im not to b..bother"
Piper stood and made her way over to the camp bed intent on unpacking the things she had brought she needed to keep her herself busy so that she didn't lose her temper at Alex's words.
"How was rehab?"
"F..Fuckin'... ssshit"
"It's not going to be instant Al it's only been two weeks since the op"
"You sssound like t..the ...fuckin'..nurses"
"That's because me and the nurses are talking sense"
Piper finished placing her clothes away in the small cupboard under the window and turned back to the bed looking at Alex closely her whole body was taught with anger and Piper wished she could take the frustration away. She could only imagine how much Alex was struggling and she wished there was something more she could do.
"It'll come back Alex, the speech, the movement it'll all come back to normal"
"Y..Yeah? ...W..When"
Piper moved and perched at the side of Alex on the bed and cupped Alex's chin raising her face so that she could look into stormy green eyes.
"I don't know but it will I have the utmost faith in you"
Piper thought her words would help but she was wrong Alex pulled free from her grasp and stared moodily into the corner.
"You a'ways ...were n..n..naive"
"Come on Al that's not fair"
Alex glared at her as she snorted harshly "Y..Yeah w..well n..n..none of t..t..this is f..fuckin' fair"
Piper, wanting to bring some sort of comfort to her frustrated lover, reached out to take Alex's hand in her own but it was pulled sharply away from her. Not being deterred Piper took Alex's left hand in her sturdy grip knowing this time she couldn't pull away from her. She knew it was slightly cruel keeping hold of the arm Alex couldn't move but she needed the contact.
"I know you're frustrated but-"
"N..No! No you d..don't know! I feel fucking t..t..trapped in .. my own use'ss bod'y and ... I f..f..fuckin' h..h..ate it!"
Piper could see the tears building into Alex's eyes and she wanted to take her love into her arms, hold her tight and make all the self loathing go away.
"It'll get better"
Piper knew it was a weak response but she didn't know what else to say, not wanting to cause any further upset.
"This is ...what I d..d..didn't want K..Kid"
Piper breath hitched in her throat at the sorrow in Alex's words.
"No, no what you didn't want was to be a vegetable dribbling in a chair this is different"
Alex just sighed and shook her head before she looked at her with irritation across her features.
"G..Go 'ome P..Pipes"
Piper was stunned and she raised her eyebrows high on her head as she stared at Alex, her tone stern "Why would I want to go home?"
Alex turned her head away and didn't respond and Piper could practically see the walls being put up between them.
"Don't you dare, don't you dare try and push me away. I know what you're doing Alex and I'm not letting you do this again"
"I'm n..nnot d..doing any'ing"
"Yes you are you're pulling away from me and the last time you did this I ended up waking up in an empty bed with a 'Sorry Kid I've gone to the hospital' oh and the time before that I ended up being dumped for reasons I didn't understand"
Piper's voice wavered with emotion and she tried to push it down this wasn't meant to be about her.
"You know ...why I l..left you ...and I d..d..did'nt want to 'ave to ssssay g..g..goodbye k..kno'ing it c..could 'ave for t..the l..last t..time"
"But I did. I wanted to be by your side until the last possible moment. I needed that Al and you took that from me"
Piper stood up from the bed and went to look out of the window at the frosted carpark outside.
"Nicky was right you know..."
"'B..Bout ...what"
"We always end up hurting one another when we think we're doing what's best. We can talk about anything, we do talk about anything, but you in particular never tell me how your truly feeling instead you bottle it up and then do your own thing and it hurts Al"
Piper quickly wiped away the tear than fell down her cheek not wanting Alex to see. The silence between them was fraught with nerves and tension and when Piper turned back around the tears that Alex had tried to hold back were now falling down her cheeks.
"Oh Al"
"D..Don't"
Piper ignored Alex's words and she climbed up on the bed at the side of her and pulled Alex's shaking body into her arms. Piper's neck was instantly wet with tears and she cuddled Alex as close to her body as physically possible. Piper didn't fill the silence with words instead she just stroked her hand up and down Alex's back soothingly waiting patiently.
"I'm sssso ssscar'ed P..P..Pipes"
Alex's voice shook and trembled the words whispered, heavy with shame and Piper kissed the top of Alex's head carefully, avoiding the still healing incision.
"I've on'y ever felt t..this ssscar'ed t..twice before, at L..Litchfield when I thou'ht you ...were going to d..die and when you l..left in P..Paris and I 'ad n..no one an'more"
Piper was intrigued barely breathing so that she didn't miss a word of what Alex was whispering quietly.
"I p..push you away b..be'ause I don't want t..to b..become depen'ant on you again comp..pletely it's t..too 'ard and I will always w..want to p..protect you"
"Are you planning on leaving me"
"G..God no"
"Well then you never need to worry about being on your own again and I don't need protecting from you Alex"
Piper's voice burnt with conviction and she tilted Alex's head gently so that she could look into her lover's eyes.
"I wish you could see yourself how I see you then you would never doubt my love for you"
"I k..know you l..love me. It's just ...I 'ave always b..been the ssstrong one I n..never nee'ed anyone else un'il you ...came along"
Piper knew little about Alex's childhood it was topic that never came up very often and when it did Alex was always rather vague. Piper always thought it was due to how different there upbringings had been she had never wanted for everything whereas Alex had had to fight tooth and nail for anything she had ever needed. Piper knew Alex had been bullied as a child and how Alex's mother had worked all hours possible to provide them with a home leaving a young Alex on her own most of the time. Alex knew how Piper had always craved her mother's love and never truly received it. Piper had sometimes felt moments of want where she wished they had talked about these things more often but at the same time she herself had been hesitant to open up her own old wounds. Now though she was determined that they would talk.
"When I was a child I never really felt like I was truly loved. My dad although brilliant now wasn't around very much when I was growing up he was always away with work or other women escaping the pressures of suburban living. I think that's were my sense of adventure came from, my dad, I don't think he ever truly wanted the white picket fence lifestyle either. With dad I always felt a bit of an inconvenience and with mum I always felt that I would never quite be good enough and yet I still tried so hard to please them both in every way. I sometimes wish I had been like Cal done what ever I wanted to and not give a damn about what other people thought but as a child and a young woman I just couldn't break that awful controlling desire to please"
Piper chanced a glance at Alex feeling slightly exposed when she noticed she held Alex's full attention.
"Sometimes I feel like I never knew what it felt like to be truly loved until we started our life together and even now there are still days when I think that someday soon you too will become bored and move on to the next good thing because that's how it felt growing up. Whether it was my mum, dad, heck even you the first time round there was always something else that would take priority over me, my mum with her own self obsessed ways, my dad with his affairs and you with the drug business. I never felt like I was 100% wanted"
"I w..wan'ted you"
"I know that now. I guess what I'm trying to say is I think I understand how you feel because you have always had to rely on yourself for money, security, protection ... and I've only ever had myself to always 100% want and need me"
Piper sighed and fidgeted with the starchy blanket on the bed. "I don't think I'm explaining myself very well"
Alex chuckled although it was devoid of humour "D..D..Doing a bet'er job t..than me Kid"
"Now though when you look at me all those insecurities fall away because you look at me like I'm the only thing in the world that's important to you. And every time, even though I swear it's not possible, I fall in love with you that little bit more"
Alex's smile could have lit the room and Piper pressed her lips to Alex's lovingly before she pulled away and became serious once more.
"It's why I get so stressed and upset when you don't include me in your plans or tell me what you're thinking because all those feelings of inadequacy come rushing back and I'm terrified I'll end up alone again"
Alex flinched and half of Piper wanted to take back what she had said. The other half however knew they needed to have this conversation and not in the fit of a row where it's true meaning would be lost in furious words and hateful accusations.
"I'm sssorry f..for l..leaving you without sayin' ...g..goo'bye" Alex's voice was strong and assertive the honesty shining bright and true. Piper felt some of the deep rooted tension within her lesson at the honest apology. Until now she hadn't realised quite how upset she still was over waking alone that awful morning.
"I would have been here with you until they physically wheeled you away from me and I would have sat outside that theatre until you returned"
Alex nodded sadly and squeezed Piper's hand tightly with her right fingers her grip desperate "T..The re..hab sssscares me"
Piper was not surprised to hear this it was something she already suspected but it was refreshing hearing Alex admit her fears aloud confirming Piper's own speculation.
"Because it reminds you how far you think you have to go to be back to normal?"
"Yesss in 'ere when it's j..just you and me I can f..forget t..that I can't w..walk or even t..talk properly... be'ause you d..dont t..t..treat me differen'ly"
Piper could easily understand that being here in the hospital she too found easy once she was home alone the reality of what they were living with loomed like a shadow and sometimes she too worried about how they would manage.
"Alex even if this is as far as you ever get I will still love you, still want you and not out of pity purely out of adoration. And you need to look at the positive you are alive and you are fighting this godforsaken illness and so far you are winning which is more than you ever thought would happen just a couple of weeks ago"
Alex's brow furrowed at her words but she smiled although hesitantly "Yes b..bbut it's not t..tthe l..life you dreamed of is it?"
"Ever since I had you returned to Litchfield all I've ever dreamt about is living the rest of my life with you. Just me and you all the finer details fall away to nothingness"
Piper knew it sounded unbelievably corny but she was being truly honest.
Alex smiled widely but then she prodded Piper's side causing her to jump.
"F..Fuckin' sssoft arse"
Piper laughed loudly while trying to wriggle away from Alex's tickling fingers. Squirming she sat upright and pinned Alex's body under her own while smiling triumphantly. Piper knew their heart to heart was over but she found she was relieved they had managed to talk about what they had without either outright sobbing or arguing and she laughed her body feeling strangely light. Kissing Alex thoroughly Piper let out a hum of contentedness when Alex's tongue entwined with her own. Pulling back to breathe she winked mischievously and quirked an eyebrow at Alex's curious expression.
"Well it's true plus I can hand on heart honestly say I will stick by your side for eternity because let's be honest as long as one of those hands work I'll be alright won't I?"
Alex laughed loudly and slapped her on the arse with her right hand causing Piper to squeal loudly.
"C..Cheeky b..b..bitch"
"Slap me again and I'll make you my bitch"
Alex laughed her eyes glinting as she smirked, mischief painting her features.
"W..Will you n..n..now"
The loud smack echoed into the room along with Piper's answering scream and Alex laughed loudly as Piper pouted moodily as she rubbed her her arse cheek it stinging painfully. Piper pinned Alex's arms back to the bed and kissed Alex forcefully on the mouth, she nibbled playfully on Alex's bottom lip before she nipped hard causing Alex to call out cussing.
"F..Fuck P..P..Piper!"
Just as Piper was about to do it again the door burst open and Nurse Stevens stood in the doorway her face bore a worried expression until her gaze levelled on them entwined on the bed. Nurse Stevens face blushed and Piper realised exactly how this must look she was still straddling Alex's waist with her hands held above her head and Alex's lips swollen from her kissing.
"I'm sorry I heard yelling and ... well I can see your both perfectly fine now so I think I'll be on my way"
Piper was mortified but before she could begin to explain the door had been swiftly closed Nurse Stevens long gone. Alex just laughed and Piper scowled at her pouting moodily "She's going to think we were about to have sex!"
"SSSSo? Anyway it's n..not goin' t..to b..bother 'er she b..bats for our t..team. J..Just a b..bit of live action foreplay t..to tell 'er wife 'bout later"
Piper only groaned in reply letting her head fall coming to rest on Alex's chest her body beginning to shake as Alex just laughed harder at her embarrassment. Tomorrow, she decided, as a peace offering she was going to have to buy something better than doughnuts.