*Authors note, first I wanted to thank everybody whose been reading, especially the ones who have been faithfully reviewing. Please, don't be afraid to suggest anything in the reviews or through PM. I'm going to start writing via the reviews, just so I can interact better with everybody and get an idea of what you'd like to see or character suggestions. Also, I want people to know if you liked Ana being the impassive always giving in to Christian, this story isn't for you. I decided from the beginning that I wanted to explore Ana's dark side. With everything she's been through and a family to worry about, I wanted to create a side of Ana we haven't been able to see in the original books. It's also an important part of the story line.

Chapter 5

"Where are they Sawyer?" He looks at me through the review mirror, his eyes are begging. He doesn't want to cross that line between Christian and I, it's also not fair that I'm asking him to do so. I shake my head trying to think of where he'd take her. "Take me to Escala." His look doesn't give anything away and as soon as he stops the car I jump out, running to the elevator. I see him calling Taylor or Christian and I don't blame him, I'm always putting him in compromising situations. The elevator stops at the penthouse and the elevator door opens, Taylor is standing there looking at me.

"Ana, please."

"Get out of my way," I push pass him and into the great room, Leila is sitting on the couch and Christian is sitting across from her.

"You want to know, then beat it out of me." She looks over at me, knowing I heard her last sentence. I stop and gasp in horror. She didn't. Surely she isn't this stupid. I feel the violence in me again, that dark area hiding somewhere deep in my soul is rising. My fist ball up and I lunge at her screaming. Christian catches me mid-air and throws me across his shoulder, walking into his bedroom and closing the door.

"What the f*ck Anastasia!?"

"F*ck you Christian, that bitch is mine!" I stop and remember what she said and I look at him, he steps back and I know there's something in my eyes. I can feel the darkness consuming me, turning me into somebody I don't know and I can't stop it. My breathing is low, heavy. I have this urge to go and beat the twat with my six inch stiletto. This new found feeling is exhilarating, scary.

"Ana what's happening to you?"

"I want to hurt her Christian. I want to hurt everybody whose associating with him."

"With who Ana?"

"Hyde, Mr. Jack motherf*cking Hyde." His name doesn't make me flinch this time, it brings my hands into a tighter fist, my heart is steady, slow. The darkness still consuming, blurring my vision slightly and then we hear a knock.

"Mr. Grey." It's Taylor. Christian opens the door and he's pale.

"What?!" My voice is harsh, reflective of the old, all business sixteen years in the pass fifty shades. Taylor is shocked for a second and composes himself.

"Mr. Grey I need to talk t-"

"Talk Jason, tell us!" Christian nods at him, urging him on.

"She's in the pla-" That sends me off, I barge through Taylor and I run up the stairs, grabbing the locked handle and banging on the door. "Leila! Leila open this f*cking door!" Surged by this new feeling, I'm shaking the door, trying to break it down. "Open the door you crazy ass bitch!"

Christian and Taylor stop at the stairs, confused at my outburst. Christian grabs my waist and pulls me to him, he's whispering in my ear, gently running his fingers through my hair. He's trying to bring me back, he's trying to make me weak. I keep thinking about Jack, all those memories from sixteen years ago are flashing through my head, 'I bathed her.' 'You gold digging slut.' My body feels the harsh blow to my ribs, the feeling of seeing Elizabeth, Christian naturally running to Elena, in the office kitchen, the crash of Charlie Tango. My breathing is deep, my heart is pounding and my blood boiling, this intoxicating darkness. This side of me I've suppressed for so long. All of a sudden I realize I'm losing myself, in this moment I have no idea who I am. Hold on to the good, that light Ana. I'm fighting an internal battle and losing. I hear Christian, "Come back to me Ana. She's nothing." It's that small fragment of sentence, she's nothing?! She's everything I never was, everything I couldn't be and she's in the one room where you and her were one. My memory slips back into my old apartment, Leila's standing there, a gun pointed to me. 'She's sick Ana, she needs help.' 'This isn't about you, its about her.' 'Mr. Grey is paying for my schooling.' 'That's why you're here, to see Christian.' I shake my head violently, these memories are unraveling me. I push Christian away from me I'm slamming my fist on the door. My hands aching in pain but it's a good pain. I'm screaming profanities, telling Leila exactly what I'm going to do when we get her out of the room. The next few minutes happen in slow motion, Christian tells Taylor something and he grabs me, pinning me on the wall as Christian takes the key from Gail, he's entering the room. I stop fighting, every emotion from that day sweeps through me. He's going in. Taylor throws me over his shoulder and takes me downstairs. Her words are echoing through my head, 'beat it out of me.' Her voice is growing louder in y head until, they become screams bouncing around in my head and I'm desperate to stop Christian.

"Don't Christian! Please! Don't go in there!" I'm begging, frantic, my throat burning from the constant yelling, the tears unstoppable. "Christian please! Please! Stop! Taylor put me down, put me down!" I'm kicking and hitting his back and he's gone, Christian steps in but keeps the door open. I can barely see Gail leaning against the frame of the door. He kept the door open, rationalize Ana, he wouldn't keep the door open but, he's in there, he's in that room with her. Taylor puts me down in the security room and I run to the screen, searching for them to come down. Gail is still upstairs. Where are they?!

"Ana I'm-"

"No! Jason how could you!" I swing around to face him, tears still running down my face, I wipe my nose with my sleeve. "I trusted you to protect me! Why didn't you protect me?!" My words are a smack to his face, he looks genuinely hurt. I see the screen and all three of them are walking down the stairs. Sawyer enters and cuffs Leila, Christian leaves the great room and within seconds the door opens. He see's Taylor and I staring at each other down, Jason's face failing to hide his pain and mine filled with betrayal.

"Jason give us a moment."

"I'm sorry Ana," it's barely a whisper and he leaves.

Christian is looking at me, carefully stepping toward me, reading my face for any signs. He steps to me again and I step back. My world is crashing around me and every fiber of being knows it's going to get worst. Police are here, they're talking to Gail, Sawyer and Taylor, asking for Christian but he doesn't move. He's staring at me, cautiously he steps forward, I step back again. He can't touch me, my body can't handle his touch right now.

"I kept the door open." He's trying to reassure me.

"How did it feel?" He's shocked, steps back in confusion, running his hands through his hair and pacing back and fourth. "How did it feel Christian?! Seeing her in the room, how did it feel!" It was no longer a question. I knew the answer. I step forward and pulled his arm so he's looking at me. "How did it feel!?"

Christian didn't answer me. The police knock and Taylor escorts them in, asking questions, she confessed to breaking in and there was no other reason to gather statements. They took Leila and that was the last I heard about her for weeks.

My mom stayed for a few more days and when she left so did my precious babies. It was a bitter sweet good bye. Full of tears. My mom went back on the private jet and the kids back on coach with Grandma Grace. Christian and I haven't talked about Monday. It hung in the balance between us, this thick fog distancing us from each other. Jason and I were different too. He barely looked at me, we haven't spoken, despite Gail begging each of us to do so. One little event was tearing us apart. Maybe that was her plan, distance us first, attack later. Christian picks up his phone and he goes pale, mouth open, unable to speak.

"A-are you sure?" His voice is a whisper, "How? Just now? Where, yes, we'll be right there. Taylor we have to go to Washington Medical." My heart drops, "the kids?!"

"No Ana..." A sigh of relief passes me and then it hits me like a wrecking ball, shattering through my emotions. I gasp and throw my hand to my mouth.

"No Christian..."

"The plane caught fire."

The world stopped, I was at the hospital, in the ER, Christian was talking to someone, more than one? "We did everything we could... severely burned... I'm sorry..." What? What did he say? Who was that. Everything slow motion, my heart stopped and my legs failed me. I could feel the cold hard ground under my knees. Christian was holding me, my face was wet, am I crying? Time skips and we're at the house. I hear Kate, where is she? I feel Ray holding me, he's crying, his body shaking around me, "I'm so sorry Annie." Sorry? Why? Wheres my mom? Did she make it? I have to check my phone. "Ana, Ana say something!" Christians voice is pleading. I look up, I'm at home, sitting in the living room and I catch Ray, starring into his eyes. Somethings different. The tears, he's crying and all at once it hits me. Mommy! She's gone. The plane got halfway into the sky when the engine failed, it came crashing right back down, it caught fire.

"Let me see her!"

"She's severely burned Mrs. Grey, unrecognizable. They did all they could in the ambulance. We lost her on the way. I'm so sorry."

The pain shoots up my spine, jerking me to the present time. It's dark outside and I lose it. I jump up and run out the door. I don't know where I'm going, I just have to get out of here. I feel the rocks and grass on my bare feet. My eyes burn from trying to produce tears that are no longer there. My heart pounding, I can barely breathe. I hear Christian behind me and I stop, my world is spinning and just before I fall Christian catches me. I'm shaking under his strong arms.

"She's gone. Christian, she's gone. I can't... I can't do this. I need her!" I'm trying to take deep breathes but my body is rejecting the air, I can't breathe.

"We'll get through this Ana. We'll get through it, I promise." He picks me up and carries me back to the house, pass everybody and upstairs. My body is convulsing, my mind is rejecting the reality. Christian's holding me, tight. I weep endlessly into his chest. The sound of his heart being my only sense of comfort.

I look in the mirror, eyes swollen. I've loss weight, my body pale, needing sun, paler even more so against black material. The last few days have been a blur. Mia, Kate and Grace have done everything. Christian has canceled everything. The world put on hold...

"Ana?" He's quiet, gentle. "It's time." I nod in response and we walk downstairs and into the car.

Phoebe's eyes are swollen, face tear stained, I can't look at her. Theodore doesn't look like he cried at all. His face harden, emotionless. I stare out the window, we soon pull up to a church. Someone comes up to us saying something. I turn away, tuning the world out. The funeral is a closed casket. So many people, my mother is- was... no. I shake my head. I don't hear anybody, the service was a blur. There are people downstairs but I retreat upstairs, hiding from this ugly truth. I hear a knock and it's Teddy. I try to smile but my face rejects. I just look at him. He kneels in front of me, laying his head in my lap and weeps. I stroke his head, trying as best I could to comfort him, the tears fresh on my face again. We stayed there for hours, he tried to stay strong all day. Christian finally comes up the stairs, I can see the anguish in his eyes, he turns his head, hiding his face. He turns, biting his knuckle, anything to suppress the emotions. my poor fifty. Still so lost. Teddy is still crying in my lap, reminding me that he's still sixteen. He acts so much older it's easy to forget. The scene is heart wrenching, my two boys, the strongest men in my life, exposing their weaknesses at my feet. Then it hits me, you have to be strong Ana, for them. For my family.