*Authors Note: I'm back! I'm so sorry you guys have had to go without any updates in so long. I'm done with almost all of my major courses so I will literally be skating by until graduation. I'm excited to finally have a little more free time to continue the story. I will be starting full time soon at work but, I'm going to try for at least one chapter a day. Oh and by the way, I want everybody to know that I am a huge fan of Christian and Ana but, I'm not finished with exploring that secret darkness of hers. Just remember, things sometimes get worst before it gets better, if it gets better.
Chapter Ten
It's been almost a week since Escala, Christian and I have barely spoken and I've kicked him out of the bedroom. His touch rises that unexplored darkness in me, I barely see that light and I'm grateful. There's a strength in me that was never there, a confidence? Arrogance? Why shouldn't I be arrogant? Look at my accomplishments, my husband, my family and even my business exceeds the norm. I've worked hard for this, sleepless nights, tears, the pain... the unexplained pain; the betrayal, the knife that is Christian Grey metaphorically penetrating the deepest part of my soul; turning me into a monster fit for a beast that is he. I hear the ping of my email, Christian.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: See You Momentarily
Date: November 15, 2028 9:01am
To: Anastasia Grey
Mrs. Grey
I need to speak to you momentarily, if you could please come to my office at your earliest convenience.
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I close my laptop and walk over to Miss. Gates.
"Mary, if I'm not out of my meeting in twenty, call Mr. Grey's extension to inform him that I have an important overseas call."
"Mrs. Grey?"
"Mary, just do as I ask."
I walk into Christians office and sit in the chair across his desk.
"Ana please, we need to discuss what happen over the weekend."
"Mr. Grey, this is work hours. You can speak to me about personal matters when I'm off the clock."
"If that's what you wish." He picks the phone and presses one, "Miss. Gates, Mrs. Grey is no longer on working time, forward all calls to voice mail and fit her meetings elsewhere," he hangs up and faces me. My eye's are dark, full of rage and it catches him off guard. "Ana please, what I said, I didn't mean it like that."
"Oh? Christian how the f**k did you mean it exactly? Did you not find me a good enough release? Did you not think about Leila when tying me up?" I stand up, furious at his need to control my day or rationalize his disgraceful urge to beat me. "Tell me Christian, when you said you wanted to break me, what the f**k did you mean exactly?"
"Anastasia, you didn't understand or give me the chance to explain-"
"Explain!? No, not explain, use the hold you obviously know you have on me." His face is shocked, hurt. "You do it all the time. No more Christian! I'm sick of letting you get away with things because your good at f***ing me!" I stand to leave but, before I know it,Christian's standing beside me; hand gripped around my arm, lips close to my ear and I can feel his rage radiating off him.
"Anastasia if you don't lower your voice I'll take you over my knee here." His voice a deadly hiss. "I am your husband and you will respect me as such. Now, if you want to sit your ass back down and work this out I am more than willing to oblige. I've lost my patience Anastasia, enough is enough." He pulls the seat out for me to sit back down. We glare at each other and I know what he's doing, he's trying to claim his dominance over me again. He realizes after a moment I'm not going to sit and he starts pacing the office, hands running through his hair, completely exasperated with me. "For f**ks sake Anastasia, what do you want from me?!"
"I don't know," in a very Leila like tone I turn to face him, "beat it out of me." I walk out of his office and very harshly tell Miss. Gates that I'm back in the office and to put my calls through.
I sit in my chair, head on my desk trying to regain my composure. It's been days and I'm not even sure I should be this mad. He didn't necessarily say he was thinking about Leila while f**king me, just that he had to think about beating me to find release. There is the fact that he wanted me to be her though, to submit myself to his every desire. I hate that bitch, she knew exactly what she was doing. I hear another ping of my email and ignore it. If Christian wants to talk to me, he can come in here and talk. I lift my head, expecting Christian to casually walk in here like nothing was wrong but, there was no sign of him. I peek through the glass to look at him but he isn't in his office. I pick up my phone and call Miss. Gates.
"Miss. Gates, put me through to Mr. Grey."
"I'm sorry Mrs. Grey, Mr. Grey stepped out already."
"I thought his schedule was clear until one?"
"Yes, his schedule was cleared twenty minutes ago."
"Ok, thanks." I hang up and open my email.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Leaving Early
Date: November 15, 2028 11:34am
To: Anastasia Grey
Mrs. Grey
I have left the office for the rest of the day. Sawyer will collect you at five.
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
From: Anastasia Grey
Subject: Where Did You Go?
Date: November 15, 2028 11:46am
To: Christian Grey
Mr. Grey
I hope you haven't left work to sulk. You don't have the right to be angry right now.
CEO, Grey Publishing
I look at my email expecting an instant reply but, nothing. He's too busy to email me back? I look at my phone and there are no missed calls. The end of the day Sawyer is waiting and I anticipate Christian to be sitting in his normal seat near me, but he isn't there.
"Have you seen Christian today?"
"Yes."
"Well?"
"Ana, you know I'm not supposed to say anything."
"Luke, I'm not asking you as an employer. I'm asking you as a concerned wife and dear friend. Where is he?" He looks at me through the review mirror and weighs the information out for a minute.
"He took the day off, he picked up Theodore and Phoebe and went out on the boat."
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Giving You Some Space
Date: November 15, 2028 5:30pm
Mrs. Grey
I took the children out on the boat, Teddy and Bee are practicing their sailing. I could tell by your mood earlier that you were in no need of person(s) company. I hope you use this time to reflect on your mood and are more willing to speak upon our return.
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I just about scream in the car and dial Kate, I convince her to drop my beloved nieces and nephew with their grandparents and take the Seattle night with me. She is more than willing and I meet her at a local bar. Apparently Christian and I aren't the only relationship that needs mending. Kate tells me all about Elliott's change of behavior lately, becoming paranoid and giving her no room to be her independent free spirit. I can tell by Sawyers cringe that Christian got a hold of him. Kate and I cheers to security and over protective husbands. Then we cheer to children who fight one another, dishes, laundry, maids, long work hours, the Seattle moonlight, the rain, the alcohol, the bartender, the stranger in the booth next to us, we cheer everything in sight and take a shot or two in between our drunken slurred toast.
With alcohol fueling my generosity I stand up on our table waving my black card in the air, "If you aren't happy, here's to you," my words are slurred and I'm spilling my drink everywhere, "drinks on me!"
An hour passes, Kate and I have managed to turn the bar into a night club. People are dancing everywhere, I feel arms around me, thrusting hips against my backside. I'm too consumed in my drink to care, thrusting my hips back, I'm dancing with a stranger, letting my body disconnect with what was once territory to only Christian Grey. My arms reach back, wrapping around the strangers neck, I see Kate on the bar, swirling her hips, men wide eyes and mouth open at her seductive moves. The next few moments happen so fast but so slow. I feel the man behind me getting violently pulled away from me. Christian? I turn and Sawyer is punching the man in the face, yelling profanities and telling him not to touch me. He grabs my arm forcefully and walks toward Kate, in one graceful movement, my best friend is being man handled by my security. I laugh at the site, Kate hanging off his shoulder like a beach towel. She's no longer carefree, our drinks lighting a fire under her as she kicks and screams at him. I can't help but burst out laughing.
I wake up and let my eyes adjust to the sun. The light burns my eyes, my head is cloudy and I'm trying to remember what happen. Flashes of last night replay in my head like a broken movie. I remember the stranger, Kate dancing, people cheering, that stranger, his arms are around my waist, our hips moving sexually to the noise playing through the speakers. Oh no, what did I do? I look over and Kate is laying next to me, she looks like she fought off death. I turn my head and see the ibuprofen and orange juice. I take two and shake Kate awake, she jumps up and looks around.
"Holy shit Grey, I feel like hell."
"You look worse, there's some ibuprofen over there." I nod toward the night stand.
"What happen last night?"
"I think we might have drank too much." She stops, trying to remember.
"Is your husband here? I need to eat something. How does someone wake up still tipsy? I have to call Ethan, I'm sure he's going crazy." Her words are slightly slurred and I can tell her thoughts are scattered.
We take turns in the shower and I give Kate some clothes, thinking we were alone, we walk downstairs, grabbing random house items for support, knocking somethings down. We definitely drank too much. We make our way through the living area and hear four men speaking, voices full of rage. Kate and I freeze in the living room, we slowly start tip toeing back toward the stairs.
"Anastasia. Your not going to join us for lunch?" My heart stops, Kate looks at me and I know she's wondering if Elliott is there.
"Hey babe, you must be famished. Trust me, you don't want me to walk in there and get you." Elliott's voice is trying and failing at masking his anger.
I can almost hear Kate's heart pounding through her chest, she grabs my hand and we straighten our back, trying not to seem intimidated and slowly walk in the kitchen. Taylor, Sawyer and our husbands are looking at us, mouths in a grim line, plates of food in front of them. I walk over, looking nobody in the eyes, reach for the plate and turn to sit at the breakfast bar, head down, eyes at my food, Kate takes a second and finally gains the courage to grab her plate and sits next to me.
"We heard you had a good night last night." Christians voice is controlled. "Anastasia, no comment?" I feel my throat dry, all eyes except Kate on me.
"What the fuck were you thinking Katherine?!" Elliott's voice is like explosions in my ears, my head can't handle the volume as I cringe. "Do you even know what you did last night?!" He's beside Kate, dropping security stills of Kate dancing on the bar, a mans hand on her thigh. I realize now that their gaping mouths weren't at her dancing, it was at the view up her skirt. Our faces blush. "I hope you at least got paid for that show!" I feel that darkness in me as his word surges through my veins. How dare he.
"What exactly are you trying to say Elliott?!" I'm out of my chair, facing him. My head is throbbing and my sudden movement makes me dizzy and I reach for the table for balance.
"I don't want to hear your mouth Anastasia, your behavior was just as disgusting!" He drops down stills of me dancing with the stranger. I can't help but be relieved that he was decent looking, young. One of his arms were wrapped completely around me, a hand on my thigh, the other; I gasp at the picture and lift it closer to my eyes, no, how did I not feel him on me?! Touching my breast?! I'm appalled at myself and I sink down in my chair, moving my plate and trying to take deep breaths. I feel the vomit burning my throat. What was I thinking?! Christian and Elliott spend the next hour telling us how bad things could have gotten if Sawyer wasn't there. Christians voice was too calm, I know he'll let his rage out when we are to ourselves. Can I blame him? No, I don't think so. Elliott finally calms down and tears are streaming down Kate's face. I look at Elliott's face but there's no sympathy, he walks out of the kitchen and into the living room. Christian sits on the other side of me, he looks down at the photo and flips it over. I want to look up, apologize but I don't. I'm fighting back tears and Christian gently picks up my hand, kisses the back and wipes a fallen tear from my cheek. He kisses my forehead, "thank you for taking Sawyer with you." He pushes my plate back in front of me. "Please Ana, finish your lunch." He walks out with Taylor and Sawyer to join Elliott. I can hear him still complaining to Christian. His voice is filled with disgust, the thought that his very intoxicated wife showed her most private parts to a group of strange men at a bar. Kate is still crying, sniffling, trying to stomach her food. I grab Kate in a hug and we sit, crying, repulsed at our behavior.
After a moment, we finally gain our composure, heat up our food again and finish our lunch. We both know it's time to face the men, apologize for our behavior and thank Sawyer for stopping it before it got worse. When we walk out Elliott has finally calmed down and Kate walks over to him, he turns his head and stands up, "I can't look at you right now, I need to go for a drive," and with that, he walks out of the room. My heart breaks, Kate tries to hold back her tears as she runs up the stairs. I look at Christian, I know I need to apologize but my friend needs me, he nods, knowing exactly what I'm thinking. Before I run after her I grab Luke in a hug.
"Thank you, thank you so much for stopping everything. I can't begin to imagine what could have happen last night." He gives me a sympathetic smile and I run upstairs to Kate, she's on my bed, sobbing, her body's shaking and she finally looks up to me.
"Oh Ana, what did I do!? How could I be so stupid?"
"No Kate, it was my fault. I was so mad at Christian, I just wanted to lash out. I'll talk to Elliott." I sit next to her, holding her hand.
"Ana, you didn't make me stand on that bar. I wanted to lash out too... like a child, I wanted to lash out." We shake our heads, embarrassed at our behavior.
"Hey, you know, Christian probably bought the bar just so he could close it down. I can hear him now," in my best Christian like voice I straighten my body mocking his behavior, pointing my finger, "You didn't stop my wife, I ruin your business!" We laugh at my impression and we finally get a chance to talk. It's been so long, we laid in bed most of the day, talking about life, our careers, the Hyde incident. I even tell her about Christian.
"Oh Ana, I'm sure he wasn't thinking about Leila, just her obedience. It must be so hard for him, he didn't need to control his life for so long because let's face it, you guys got lucky with some pretty perfect kids. They conformed to his way of life without ever needing to be told to. I mean, he's so desperate to keep you guys safe from everything, everybody and now, he's not sure he can do that. It's like when you got pregnant. He was so out of his element, he's still the man you fell in love with Ana. C'mon Grey, you know he doesn't want Leila." She stops and a bemused look crosses her face, "he really got rid of that room?" I nod at her, "that doesn't show you how much he loves you? He's had that room for so long, that room is the only constant thing in his life. He knows that no matter what happens in his life, that room will always be where he can remain master of his own universe and Ana, he gave it up for the sake of you."
My mind is trying to wrap around everything Kate said, she's right. He gave it up for me, because at the end of the day, Christian will protect me from everything, including himself. He told me so many times. Who would have thought, Kate is reassuring me of Christians love despite what I told her about Leila, I laugh at the idea.
She looks at me surprised at my sudden outburst. "Your losing it Grey."
"Who would have thought it'd be you to remind me how much Christian loves me." We both laugh and continue talking.
It's been hours and Christian finally walks upstairs, leaning against the door frame. "Elliott and the kids are here, they brought reinforcements." We look at him confused. "The whole family is here." We look over at the clock on the wall, holy crap, a little after five.
"I should check on my husband," Kate is about to leave when she stops and looks at Christian. "I'm sorry about last night. I promise you, what happen yesterday, will never happen again." He nods and gives her a genuine smile, she walks pass him and Christian holds his hand out for me.
"Christian?"
"Ana, we will talk later. Right now we have a family to see, the kids have been asking for you all day."
The evening was perfect, Carrick, Ethan and Elliott arguing about how to BBQ, Christian wrapped around me, talking to Grace about business and Kate and Mia in a serious conversation away from the family.
"Are you guys ok?" Grace says with a mothers worry.
"Of course mother, why do you ask?"
"The kids were telling me about a night out on the water, without their mother. Teddy might have mentioned some tension?"
"Nothing we can't get through together." Christian kisses my shoulder and tightens his grip on my waist.
The food finally finishes and we sit together, laughing and enjoying this precious time. Carrick and Grace bring up Thanksgiving and we start making plans, everybody having different ideas of how the day is supposed to go, we all agree Mia and Grace do the big cooking while Kate and I share responsibility on the smaller things. We realize there's a lot more people than we initially guess and decide to move dinner from Christian and I's place to Carrick and Grace's home. The kids all eat and fall asleep in the living room to a new movie and we decide to let them stay the night. Elliott and Kate decide to stay in the spare room and we say our good nights to everybody else. I want to talk to Christian so bad but, Kate grabs me into the library and we talk until we fall asleep on the couch. I wake up when I feel someone lifting me up and I look into Christian's gray eyes.
"I cant sleep another night without you, Kate will be fine." For the first time in a week, Christian and I sleep together. His arms blanketing me in the familiar safety and comfort I've missed so much. It should have been a perfect night, but that night keeps replaying in my head, "Anastasia, I wanted to break you." Even in my sleep, that darkness begins to rise.