The Witcher: Part V
A Fly in the Ointment
Previously, on the Witcher:
Geralt was attacked by an army of Heinrich Himmlers.
He was .
How will our hero make it out of this predicament?
Geralt came to a few minutes later. The Heinrich Himmlers had tied him to a tree.
"You know I can magick myself out of these ropes," said Geralt.
"You know I can defeat you in combat," said one of the Heinrich Himmlers. "I'm going to give you the chance to leave," he said. "But never come back."
Geralt had to pass through Himmlers' land. He severed his bonds and reengaged the Himmlers in combat.
But it was no good.
He needed to do something to wipe out all the Himmlers. He thought of the Himmlers' low genetic diversity. If he could do a change to the environment, perhaps they would all be wiped out. Geralt cast a magick spell, and it started to rain.
"Rain? What good would that do against us?" said one of the Himmlers.
And then Geralt cast another magic spell to change the pH of the rain from 7 to 6.5.
The Himmlers began to scream in pain as the reduced pH changed the shape of the active site of enzymes that catalysed metabolic reactions. Because of low genetic diversity, almost all of the Himmlers died. Except for one Himmler, who scrambled to a nearby cave. He came back with a glowing chunk of radium.
"I'm going to induce mutation," said the last Himmler.
And then he mutated a resistance to 6.5 pH.
"You're just gonna give yourself cancer," said Geralt.
"No... I'm not," said the last Himmler, before he mutated into a giant three headed dog.
Geralt cast magick at the dog, slicing off one of its heads. The head grew back. Geralt then realised he needed to slice all three heads off at once. He did so, and then the last of the Himmlers finally fell to the ground, dead.
Geralt then took off north, continuing his journey.
He found himself hungry early the next morning. He decided to stop off at a small town. He entered the Inn.
"Can I have some food please?" he asked the innkeeper.
"Yes... okay... " said the innkeeper. He seemed senile and old and rather jolly."What would you like?"
"Some toast, perhaps. With Marmite maybe?" Geralt said.
"That'll be 50 gold pieces," said the innkeeper.
"I have no money," said Geralt.
And then the innkeeper changed.
His face looked waxy and fake, and in the middle of his face, a hole appeared. Bursting through the hole came another, smaller, more evil face.
"No money! Get out! Get out!"
Geralt ran out of the inn, and he ran into a young man.
"Don't mind my father," he said. "He likes money."
"What's the matter with him?" asked Geralt.
"He was cursed by the evil witch Capitalist McMoney and now he loves money," replied the man.
"I can cure him," said Geralt. "I'm the Witcher. My magick can surely undo the curse."
Then, using his magick, Geralt prepared an ointment for the man to give to his father. It consisted of a mix of dirt, water, and mashed fly. Geralt and the man then walked into the inn.
"Try this ointment," said Geralt.
"Actually, don't," said the son.
"What?" said Geralt. "Don't you want your father cured?"
"He's not my father," said the man.
"George, can you please shut the door?" the man asked the innkeeper.
The innkeeper shut the door and but a bar over it.
And then the man's disguise slowly disappeared. His skin turned green. His humble tunic turned into a grand gold suit.
"My name is Capitalist McMoney," said the witch. "And this is my servant George."
"As a master of capitalism, I am, firstly a master of deceit and disguise," said McMoney, striding across the room. "And I am also a master of mind control and brainwashing."
"What are you going to do to me?" asked Geralt.
"Simple," said McMoney, tossing the curing ointment to the floor and crushing it under his foot, smearing it across the floor.
"First, I'm going to brainwash you, the Witcher and make you mine as I did George."
"And then, I'm going to make you go across the world and convert all societies to capitalism!"
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART VI
THE WITCH, THE WITCHER, AND THE WITCHEST