The Witcher: Part VI

The Witch, The Witcher and The Witchest

Previously, on The Witcher:

Geralt was imprisoned by the evil witch Capitalist McMoney. Now McMoney is trying to brainwash Geralt into spreading capitalism throughout the world.

How will our hero make it out of this predicament?

Geralt struggled as he was held down by George. McMoney turned on a projector, and some advertising appeared.

"For the next six hours, you will watch these advertisements. By the end, you will have become a mindless capitalistic slave like George."

"I like money," said George dumbly.

Geralt tried to use magick to escape, but the brainwashing had already gone too far.

"I... want... m-m..." mumbled Geralt.

"You want money!" cackled McMoney.

"I... want... money..." Geralt said finally.

And then, there was a flash of green. Another witch, dressed in red had smashed through the roof with magic, and was now beating up Capitalist McMoney.

The brainwashing had disappeared, and Geralt was sane again.

"My brother..." said McMoney looking at the witch dressed in red. "My brother Communist O'Lenin... and my archenemy..."

Communist O'Lenin was a witch, but he wore a bright red cape and he was also really muscled and heroic. "I am here to denounce your capitalism, brother," said O'Lenin.

He shot a Soviet beam at George. A hammer and sickle appeared on George's forehead. And George was liberated. "Communism ftw," he said.

And then O'Lenin and McMoney started to fight. Geralt sat back, uninvolved in this conflict.

Just then, a beautiful witch woman wearing purple witch robes descended from the hole in the roof and landed daintily on the floor between the two brothers.

"Brothers," said the woman. "Cease this fighting at once."

And then the woman clenched her fists and her brothers fell unconscious.

"My name is Lady Feudalism," she said.

"Geralt," said Geralt. "I'm The Witcher."

"Hello Geralt," said Feudalism. Geralt and Feudalism left the through the hole in the roof.

"I think you're pretty great," said Geralt. "Would you like to join my party? I need people like you who can help me retrieve the Sword of Death."

"Okay," said Lady Feudalism.

Prince Severus scrambled into his father's palace.

"Are you ready to explain how you got carbon monoxide poisoning?" asked the Emperor.

"It was... The Witcher. He tricked me with magick..." said Prince Severus.

"You are a foolish child..." said the Emperor. "What is his... mission?"

"I believe he's travelling to the Palace of Death to retrieve the Sword of Death so he can dominate the world," replied the Prince hastily.

"Has he passed through Himmler's lands yet?" asked the Emperor.

"Yes... Himmler is dead," said the Prince.

"In that case, I must retrieve the Sword of Death first," the Emperor said. He used magic to open a portal to the pool of Genetic Engineering, and the goddess of Genetic Engineering appeared before him.

"What dost thou want?" asked the Goddess.

"I want to be stronger than the Witcher," said the Emperor.

"Why should I help thee?" asked the Goddess.

"Because... if you don't... I will kill you," said the Emperor threateningly. And then he began to force choke the Goddess with magic.

"I will grant thy request," coughed the Goddess. And then the Emperor evolved from a witch into a witcher and then from a witcher into The Witchest.

"Now I possess something greater than magick," said the Emperor. "I have magickek!" cackled the Emperor. And then the Emperor cast a magickek spell to vaporise the Goddess of Genetic Engineering.

"Well done, my father," said Prince Severus, bowing. He then arose and raised his arm in salute. The Emperor lowered his hood.

"Hail Emperor Hitler!" yelled Severus.

And Emperor Hitler smiled at his son.

TO BE CONTINUED

IN

THE WITCHER: PART VII

CATCHING FIRE