The Witcher: Part VII
Catching Fire
Previously, on The Witcher:
Geralt gained a new travelling companion, Lady Feudalism. Prince Severus' father is actually the Emperor of the Witches, Adolf Hitler.
The journey continues...
"Here is my city, your grace," said Lady Feudalism, indicating the gates to the great city of Vizima. She had taken to calling Geralt, 'your grace", as she now believed Geralt to be the rightful ruler of Rivia.
"You are the rightful King of Rivia," she had said. "And I am the rightful Queen."
In Vizima, because Lady Feudalism was the ruler, Geralt and her could gather supplies for the journey north. They also gathered an army of men to take with them on their journey north.
"Most great heroes would have rejected the offer of an army on their quest," said Guard Captain Iorverth.
But Geralt seemed just fine taking 50 men with him on his quest. And then they left, continuing on their journey. After a few days of travelling on foot, the men began to complain.
"We aren't getting enough rest," said Iorverth.
"Shut up, peasant," replied Lady Feudalism.
"The men are sick, my lady," said Iorverth. "You're a witch, so you never get sick, but we have to stop, because they are getting seriously ill."
"Is a stop agreeable, your grace?" said Lady Feudalism to Geralt.
"God is counting on me..." said Geralt. "And we are making slow progress as it is... I'll see if I can cure this illness with magick."
Geralt went up to the first sick man. He placed his hand on the man's forehead. It was hot. Not just a fever hot. It was at least 373 K hot.
"I know this illness," said Lady Feudalism. "A human disease called fire. All these men are catching fire."
"What's the cure?" asked Geralt.
"There is no cure. The disease is thought to have been caused by a parasite that enters the brain," replied Lady Feudalism.
"Then I'm going to find this parasite and finish him off," said Geralt.
"That's not how medical treatments work-" said Lady Feudalism.
But it was too late.
Geralt had shrunk himself to the height of a prokaryotic cell, and had walked into the ear of the infected man. He walked slowly through the ear canal of the infected man, and saw a vein nearby. He stabbed it with magick, and jumped in. Inside the blood vessel, it was mostly water.
He swam down the blood vessel, hoping he would eventually reach the brain. Unfortunately, after about five minutes, he ran into a phagocyte. And then he was ingested. The digestive enzymes began to dissolve his skin.
He stabbed his way out using magick, and swam through the cell cytoplasm to the nucleus. And then he reprogrammed the cell's DNA, causing the phagocyte to turn into a biological mini-submarine.
He finally had control of where he was going, so he rode the submarine to the brain. As it happened, when you're the size of a prokaryote, a human brain is a pretty big place.
After a few hours of searching, Geralt finally found the parasite.
"Hello," said Geralt, stepping out of the submarine onto the dry fibrous material of the corpus callosum.
The parasite turned around. The parasite's body was remarkably humanoid.
"What are you doing here?" asked the parasite.
"I'm here to vanquish you," replied Geralt.
"Kill me?" said the parasite.
"It is not against my morals to kill asexually reproducing organisms such as yourself," said Geralt.
"I won't fight you," said the parasite. "I'm a pacifist."
"Then why are you causing the fire disease to my men?" asked Geralt.
"I used to be a humble ground protoctist," said the parasite. "And then this guy, the Emperor I think he was called, reprogrammed me into becoming a brain parasite. It is no fault of mine."
So Geralt tried to reprogram the parasite into becoming a benign protoctist once again. Unfortunately, the magical programming language was unfamiliar to Geralt. It wasn't magic or magick.
It was magickek, a thing Geralt had never heard of before.
"I'm sorry," said Geralt to the parasite. And then Geralt killed the parasite and the parasite was no more. Over the next few days, Geralt managed to eradicate the fire virus from his men. Until Geralt entered the brain of the final infected man, Guard Captain Iorverth.
When he arrived at the corpus callosum, he found the parasite there looked rather unusual. And then the parasite turned around. It was no parasite.
"I've been expecting you," said the Half-Blood Prince, Severus Hitler.
Geralt attacked with magick, but the Prince pinned Geralt down.
"My father just let me have a little of his magickek blood," said Prince Severus.
"And now I am going to kill you and make you dead forever!"
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART VIII
THE TRIAL OF GRASSES