The Witcher: Part IX
The Blood of Elves
Previously, on The Witcher:
Geralt was forced to defend a patch of nuclear grass in the courtroom. If he failed, the nuclear grass would be burned and the town of Temeria destroyed.
Geralt slowly stood up in front of the jury. Lady Feudalism had just done her speech.
The policeman/judge presiding over the trial had seemed impressed, even though it was clear to Geralt that she was deliberately trying to lose.
"You... uh... can't burn the grass for... uh... three reasons," began Geralt.
So far so good. Introduction out of the way.
"Firstly... uh... you can't... cause if you do, the grass will explode and you'll all die."
The jury laughed at him. They thought he was joking.
"And secondly... uh... the fire... will burn and produce harmful radioactive isotopes..."
"And finally... the grass is innocent... cause the force of impact was absorbed by the dirt under the grass... not the grass itself."
There were a few murmurings among the jury.
"Thanks for listening," said Geralt, and he sat down.
After talking to the jury for about 30 seconds, the judge walked back up to his seat.
"The grass is GUILTY," he said.
He smacked his mallet onto his finger, yelled in pain, and quickly regained his composure.
"We're gonna burn it now, let's go."
And then everyone went to the site of the nuclear grass to see the burning. The policeman lit a match and brang it down to the grass.
"Do something, your grace," said Lady Feudalism.
Just as the match was moving down to the grass, Geralt leapt up into the air and blew out the match.
"What are you doing lawyer?" asked the policeman.
"Preventing the destruction of this town," said Geralt.
Geralt then produced a layer of a non-combustible liquid and sprayed it over the grass.
"Now you can't burn it."
"You have interfered in the course of justice," said the policeman. "So I hereby pronounce you guilty! Your punishment is to be death."
"Let's go," said Lady Feudalism. The pair jumped up and flew out of town using Geralt's magick.
Prince Severus was climbing the steps up the Tower of Hitler. He was going to have to face his father and admit that he had failed to kill the Witcher. As he climbed, he heard a peculiar noise.
It sounded ominous.
It almost sounded like a brass band.
As he climbed, Severus could make out a timpani. The music got louder and more ominous. And when he was at the very top, he realised what the music was: The Imperial March, by John Williams.
He opened the large door, to see his father flanked by an orchestra of 49 still playing. And then they stopped.
"I quite like the atmosphere this orchestra provides, I think," said Hitler.
"Yes, very good," said Prince Severus.
"You are here to tell me of The Witcher's demise, I hope?" the Emperor said.
"Uh... no. I was bested," said Prince Severus solemnly.
"YOU IMBECILE!" yelled the Emperor.
He forced pushed Prince Severus out the window.
"He has failed me for the last time," said the Emperor. "I am going to kill The Witcher myself."
And then the Emperor walked out of his throne room, with his 49-man orchestra following closely behind, still playing the Imperial March.
When Geralt and Lady Feudalism returned to the spot they left Iorverth, he was gone. In his place, sat a short man with pointed ears.
"It's an elf!" said Lady Feudalism.
"What's that?" asked Geralt.
"They were evil creatures the witches fought a war with 100 years ago. I thought they were all killed!" replied Lady Feudalism.
"Well, it seems not," said the elf.
"My name is Tivoher."
"What have you done with Iorverth?" asked Lady Feudalism.
"I've taken him to our city... if you fly me there, you can have him back," the elf said, with an evil grin.
"Okay... very well..." said Lady Feudalism skeptically.
Geralt used magick to pick up Tivoher and Lady Feudalism and they flew in the directions given by Tivoher.
They eventually found themselves flying over a desert. The strange thing was that the desert was totally flat. Except for the very centre, where there was a small outcropping of rocky hills. Geralt flew into a valley between two of these hills. In the middle of the valley, there was a small hole.
"This is the entrance to my city," said Tivoher indicating to the hole.
"The city is called n'onu Satan," he said as they entered the hole.
Inside, the city appeared as a series of catacombs. Rotting bodies were everywhere.
"Are there any elves still alive?" asked Geralt.
"Only me now," said Tivoher. "All the others were wiped out in the war. The elves did have magick over the witches, but there were just too many."
"The elves had magick?" said Geralt.
"Yes... they did..." mumbled Tivoher
Suddenly a draugr appeared. Everyone jumped in fear.
Geralt shot some lightning at it and it died.
Eventually, they arrived in a dark large hall.
"What are we doing here? Where is Iorverth?" asked Lady Feudalism.
"Where is he indeed..." said Tivoher.
"When you cut the connection between the two halves of Ioverth's brain," he said gesturing to Geralt. "Did you ever stop to think of the consequences?"
"What are you trying to say?" said Geralt.
"When you cut the connection, you severed his personality in half," said Tivoher. "He ended up with a split-personality disorder."
"Now, you may have not known this, but Iorverth has a little bit of elvish blood. So half of his brain... the new personality you produced... was that of an elf."
Tivoher wrote the letters of his name in the air. It turned out it was actually written Tivoherr.
And then he rearranged the letters.
It spelt Iorverth.
"I am the other side of Iorverth," said Tivoherr. "And I tricked you into bringing me here so I could use my blood to resurrect the elves!"
Tivoherr walked up to the altar in the centre of the room and sliced one of his hands. And then suddenly, there was a giant shuffling sound coming from all around.
"Come, my kin! Come!" said Tivoherr.
And an army of elf draugr came out from their crypts. And they were coming to kill Geralt and Lady Feudalism!
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART X
GERALT OF RIVIA AND CIRI OF CINTRA