The Witcher: Part X
Geralt of Rivia and Ciri of Cintra
Previously, on The Witcher:
It turns out Iorverth has a dark side, an elf called Tivoherr. He took our heroes to the city of n'onu Satan, then he activated an army of elf draugr. They have magick, and are going to try to kill our heroes.
How will our heroes make it out of this predicament?
Geralt looked at the oncoming army of elf draugr. They seemed quite dangerous. Just then, Tivoherr's facial features began to change, and he grew taller. Soon, he was Iorverth once again.
"What are those?" he inquired, looking at all the elf draugr.
"Elf draugr," said Lady Feudalism.
Some of the draugr cast magick lava spells at Geralt. Geralt blocked them, and used magick to levitate himself, Lady Feudalism, and Iorverth upwards. When they got to the ceiling, Geralt shot through it so hard that a tunnel appeared, before he magicked the other two up, back into the desert air. Draugr were rapidly following, flying up as well. Geralt magicked some sand into the hole, and turned it into rock.
"That should keep them for a little bit," said Geralt.
And then Geralt and Iorverth and Lady Feudalism flew away into the desert as fast as they could.
Gerald Manley Hopkins didn't think himself an important or conspicuous man. He was a poet who lived in the town of Temeria, a relative backwater. Nothing that important ever happened to him. And he thought that was just fine.
One morning, he awoke to an ominous brass bass line.
"There is no orchestra in Temeria," soliloquised Gerald, "So I do wonder what that noise might be."
The music slowly got louder, before an equally ominous brass melody came in. Gerald was scared. He backed to the corner of his bedroom, as he saw the door open. The music stopped, and a figure in a cloak entered the room. The man who wore it was old and shriveled. He had red eyes, green skin, and a 1cm long mustache over his upper lip.
"Witcher... I have found you at last," said the figure.
"I'm not The Witcher!" said Gerald.
"But you are Gerald of Rivia, are you not?" the man asked.
"Well... I suppose I am. But the Witcher's name is Geralt, not Gerald," replied Gerald.
"Lying won't save your life," said the man. "Prepare to die."
Gerald began to panic. "Don't kill me! I am Gerald the Poet! I am Gerald the Poet! I am GERALD THE POET!"
And then he was vaporised.
"I highly doubt that actually was the Witcher, but I don't really care," said Hitler coldly to the orchestra.
Suddenly, there was a commotion outside. Hitler exited Gerald's house and saw a bunch of draugr using magick to terrorise the people of Temeria.
"Oi!" said Hitler, "That's my job!"
The magick draugr stopped, and instead turned on Hitler. The Emperor, however, cast a magickek spell on them.
"You will now bow to me, you stupid draugr, do you hear me?"
And then the draugr stopped and bowed to Hitler.
"Yes... very good..." said Hitler evilly.
The draugr raised their arms in salute.
Geralt was getting tired of carrying Iorverth and Lady Feudalism; his magick was only so powerful. After a few hours of flying, Geralt saw a small town in the desert.
"Let's stop there and take a break," said Geralt.
"And also look for a cure to my condition," added Iorverth.
They landed in the small town. It was empty and rather dead.
And then, Geralt heard a voice from behind.
"Greetings, Witcher!"
Geralt whirled around and saw a video screen embedded in one of the walls of a building.
"This video package has been prepared for you upon your arrival to Cintra. It was recently prophesied that you and your travelling companions would arrive in our small town. We know of your quest to retrieve the Sword of Death, and understand that it is extremely important. To help in your efforts, we would like to provide you with a new travelling companion."
An image of a muscled, although rather pretty, young woman appeared on the screen.
"This is Ciri. We hope that she will be a good travelling companion, friend, and perhaps love interest, for you, the Witcher."
Lady Feudalism raised an eyebrow.
"She is in the building on the left."
Geralt and Iorverth and Lady Feudalism entered the building. Inside, there was a really nice red carpet. In the middle, there sat a figure, hunched over.
"Are you Ciri?" asked Geralt.
The figure turned around. She was an ancient and wise looking woman.
"So you've finally arrived then, lol," said Ciri.
She laughed.
"Only took you 102 years, but who cares about me?"
She got up and brushed herself down.
"So, can I join Team Witcher or not?"
Geralt stifled a laugh at this nimble old woman.
"I'm not going to carry you," said Geralt.
"Well you don't need to stupid," said Ciri.
She pointed to the red carpet.
"This is a magick powered flying carpet. This can be your vehicle."
"Okay," said Geralt, "You're in."
They quickly dragged the carpet out into the hot desert air.
"So, I hear you're looking for the Sword of Death," said Ciri.
"Uh... yeah," said Geralt.
"Let's get going then!" said Ciri happily.
"Uh... okay," said Ioverth.
So Team Witcher walked onto the magick carpet, and they took off into the air. After a few minutes, they heard a noise coming from the desert air.
"Is that... music?" asked Geralt.
"ayy lmao sounds like the Imperial March," said Ciri.
It was amplified throughout the desert air as if by magickek. And then they heard a voice.
"Hello Witcher! Adolf Hitler here! Just here to say hi before you die!"
"What?" said Geralt.
"I'm sending an army of Nazi Elf Draugr towards you! I hope you have bad luck! Hitler out!"
Before Team Witcher's eyes, an army of Nazi Elf Draugr rose out of the ground, and into the air. They stood in neatly arranged rows, their arms raised in salute. And then they attacked.
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XI
THE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS