Getting tired of this yet? I hope not!
You get two themes this time, you lucky things!
Mostly King Bradley-centric
Bad Ways To Start Political Broadcasts:
Fuhrer Bradley had decided to start making speeches over the radio to increase his popularity in the nation. But, of course, he was far too busy to write his own speeches or to proofread them before reading them out loud over the radio to Amestris. Needless to say, there were some issues caused by this.
"My fellow paedophiles…" he stopped. "Right, who wrote this?!"
LineBreakLineBreak
In his defence, it had been a busy day. But still, that was no excuse for his reaction to the bloodcurdling scream that echoed down the corridors of Central Command.
"Hang on, I'll be with you in a minute." He drew his swords and ran to intercept.
LineBreakLineBreak
This time, he managed to get at least half-way through the planned speech before the disaster happened. "And, as you know, the comedy show is on the other channel, but I'm sure you'll all… Oh, not again!"
He knew he'd lost pretty much every single listener.
LineBreakLineBreak
Amestris had revolutionised the system and now, the country was officially a semi-democracy; the leader was chosen by the people, but he or she could not be removed by the people except if, say, an angry torch-and-pitchfork-wielding mob stormed the Fuhrer's mansion.
It was the much-anticipated verbal battle between the two leading candidates and, as the favourite in the unofficial polls, the famous Flame Alchemist was given the honour of starting.
"Hello. I'm Roy Mustang, and I expect you're wondering why I'm naked." The planned speech just went from bad to worse but, after the 'vulnerability' shown in that speech, his position in the unofficial polls shot up, with almost every woman in Amestris expressing their support for the famed alchemist, especially if he made a promise to take his shirt off at regular intervals.
LineBreakLineBreak
Bradley was, yet again, attempting to make a speech over the radio and, rather than the stern, paternal figure the previous group of speechwriters had tried to convey, the new team were heading in a more… relatable direction.
It was about a quarter of the way through the speech that this became so obvious, it was dancing up and down while drunk-singing the rudest song you could think of.
"But, I think our policies are best expressed… in song!"
Silence, swiftly followed by the sound of a sword being drawn, was heard before the broadcast was cut off.
LineBreakLineBreak
He was giving these writers one more chance before he stabbed them all. Just one, and then they would be kabobs, victims of his Wrath.
"Greetings, Amestris, and welcome to my broadcast. During the next three and a half hours…" he did not notice what he perceived to be the truth, and did not realise how many people stopped listening at those words.
It was not, however, until he addressed the ongoing wars with Drachma, Creta and Aerugo that he threw his papers down in disgust.
"Now, look, we know we're not going to win, but that does not mean we can't give it a – Right. That's it. From now on, I'm writing my own radio broadcast speeches!"
LineBreakLineBreak
By now, King Bradley had stopped caring. His radio speeches were total disasters and seemed to have been cursed from the start.
"Let me tell you what the voices in my head are telling me…"
LineBreakLineBreak
LineBreakLineBreak
What The Voices In Fuhrer Bradley's Head Are Saying:
Being a homunculus, especially a human-based homunculus, was a constant struggle against the souls making up his Stone. Each one of them wanted to gain control over his body and he could not sleep for fear of becoming just another voice in the tempest of screams.
"You will obey! You will obey!" a Xerxean lord who had owned many slaves and much land. He was one of the loudest and, most likely, had come very close to possessing his body when the Stone was injected into his bloodstream.
LineBreakLineBreak
It was a good publicity shot; the man was not exactly subtle about his ambitions for the position of Fuhrer and, as they both held up the rescued kid together, Bradley realised that the Flame could actually do it.
They posed for more shots.
'Keep smiling' a manipulative soul; an innkeeper, he believed.
'And have Mustang killed.' A man due to be executed for multiple murders before the destruction of Xerxes.
'Keep smiling (have Mustang killed)' a third soul. Cautious, prudent. Not one he had heard before.
LineBreakLineBreak
'I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny…' this… person cropped up every so often. A lecherous young man who thought of nothing but parties, eating and getting drunk, interrupting at the most inconvenient of times, Bradley thought as he shuddered in full view of the press in front of him.
'Go on, lie. You got away with it last time…'
Less humorous this time. Don't worry; order will be restored.