The Witcher: Part XVII
A Dance With Dragons
Previously, on The Witcher:
Freshly returned from the economics realm, Team Witcher see an approaching army of Heinrich Himmlers and Nazi Elf Draugr.
How will our heroes make it out of this predicament?
"Are we going to stand and fight like warriors or turn our backs and run like warriors?" asked Ciri.
"The latter option," said Geralt.
He cast a magick summoning spell, causing the magick flying carpet to appear beneath them. And then he forced the carpet forward as fast as it could go.
Iorverth used his sword to make them more aerodynamic. However, the Nazi army was gaining on them, as they also had swords.
And they were firing magick lightning bolts at Team Witcher.
"Looks like our only option is to fight," said Geralt.
"We will probably die," said Ciri cynically.
Geralt, undeterred by Ciri's pessimism, landed the carpet in a small field of flowers. And then, the Nazi army landed before them.
"We meeeet againnnn, Witccchhherrr," said a Heinrich Himmler, who was wearing a diamond helmet.
"Prepare to die," said Geralt. And then the fight began.
Geralt pulled out Smite and drove it into the chests of as many Himmlers as he could reach. Nazi Elf Draugr were firing lightnings at Team Witcher, but Geralt deflected them with much skill. Unfortunately, the sheer volume of enemies made it infeasible for Team Witcher to win.
Himmlers kept dividing, and mutating (to ensure genetic variation).
Geralt was about to faint from exhaustion, when one of the Himmlers yelled out.
"DRAGGOOOON!"
A giant black dragon had appeared from the sky.
The Nazi Elf Draugr shot lightning at the dragon. It wasn't very effective.
But due to the sheer volume of attackers, it looked as though the dragon wouldn't survive the onslaught. And then it started dancing.
"What?" said Lady Feudalism.
"It isn't logical," said Iorverth.
"I think the dragon's insane," said Ciri.
But miraculously, after dancing, the dragon seemed faster and stronger. And then it danced again, and the dragon got even faster and even stronger. And then it danced one more time, giving it +3 atk and +3 spd.
And then it attacked in an outrage, destroying the Nazi army.
Geralt walked up to the dragon.
"Thank you, Mr Dragon," he said.
"I have an important message for you," said the dragon.
"Who from?" asked Geralt.
"Albus Dumbledore," replied the dragon.
Communist O'Lenin and Severus Hitler sat in the hospital waiting room.
And then, their comrade, Christian Grey, finally came out from surgery.
"They haven't been able to completely fix my burns," he said. Half of his face looked burned off, and the other half was normal.
Just then, a witch man wearing golden clothes staggered into the hospital, clutching his chest.
"My brother!" said Communist O'Lenin. Communist O'Lenin was about to attack McMoney, but Severus and Grey held him back.
McMoney shambled past the front desk into the surgery.
"Hey!" said a nurse.
"I... need... help..." said McMoney. And then he collapsed and was taken into surgery.
"Why didn't you let me kill him?" asked O'Lenin.
"We have to plan out our moves carefully," replied Severus.
"I like making rash decisions," said O'Lenin.
"You have to learn to be cold and calculating," said Severus with a smile. "But unlike the Witcher, I am not against killing people."
Team Witcher had been flown to the dragon's cave.
"That sword you carry," said the dragon. "Belonged to Gandalf, the Third Witcher."
"I thought Gandalf was the first Witcher," said Geralt.
"Who told you that?" asked the dragon.
"Some insane dude who thought he was me. Might have been a slightly unreliable source," replied Geralt.
"In the history of Rivia, there have been but six Witchers before you," began the dragon. "Witchers rise only at the end of each age, when the world needs him most."
"The previous Witcher to you was Albus Dumbledore, who purged the world of the evil Witchest Tom Riddle."
"Before that, it was the wise Iroh, who helped defeat the evil Ozai."
"And before that, it was Yoda, who killed the evil Palpatine."
"And before that, it was the mighty Gandalf, who fought Sauron."
"And before him was the Witcher Merlin, who defeated Mordred."
"And before him was the First Witcher, the much revered Jesus Christ."
"It was Jesus who created the Sword of Death that you seek."
"In his time, Jesus' world was plagued by the most evil demon ever, Satan."
"No mortal weapon could defeat Satan. So Jesus forged the Sword of Death, a sword that could control the minds of people all across the world."
"And it guaranteed death to all who were stabbed by it. With it, he killed Satan."
"Thereafter, the Sword of Death was sealed at the Palace of Death atop the Mountain of Death at the Sky Rim. And that is where you are travelling."
"You are the Seventh Witcher, risen at the end of the Seventh Age. You must rid the world of the blight that is Adolf Hitler."
"Okay," said Geralt. "But I don't want to kill him, just incapacitate him or something."
"You have to kill him or else," said the dragon. "It is your destiny."
And in that moment, Geralt had a moral dilemma. The last time he had a moral dilemma, he had killed himself.
Geralt turned to his comrades. "What do I do?"
He fell over crying.
And then suddenly, there was an earthquake. The roof of the cave crumbled down. One particularly large piece fell down towards Team Witcher.
"Oh no!" said Lady Feudalism.
Geralt was too depressed to stop the falling rock, and nobody else was strong enough. They appeared to be doomed.
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XVIII
THE FAULT IN OUR STARS