The Witcher: Part XVIII
The Fault In Our Stars
Previously, on The Witcher:
Geralt has been given a new moral dilemma!
His purpose in life has been revealed to be to kill Adolf Hitler! And then there was an earthquake which is now going to kill Team Witcher.
How will our heroes make it out of this predicament?
The rocks fell from the cave roof.
The dragon nudged them out of the way with his nose.
"Thank goodness," said Lady Feudalism.
The earthquake was continuing. Geralt was still crying.
"Witcher! Get yourself together!" said the dragon.
Geralt stood up and wiped down his face.
"I think... I'm going to think about my morality later. I think it's too hard to think those thoughts at this time."
The earthquake got stronger, with the PGA increasing by 50%.
"You must stop this earthquake," said the dragon. "It will tear apart this part of Rivia if you do not."
"How do I stop an earthquake?" asked Geralt.
"I don't know," said the dragon. "I'm an ancient and wise dragon. That doesn't necessarily mean I know geology."
So Team Witcher left the cave, in search of a way to stop the earthquake. They could barely walk due to the shaking of the ground.
"I know geology," said Iorverth. He pulled a small device from his bag.
"This is a directional seismometer. It will tell us where the shaking is coming from."
It pointed north-east.
"That looks like the way to go," said Iorverth.
Hitler had made camp in a small palace. A figure dressed in black knelt before him.
"Himmler and the Nazi Elf Draugr have proven to be... unreliable..." said Hitler.
"The Witcher still lives, and that fact irks me. I want you to face him, and destroy him!"
The figure stood up. He wore a mask not entirely unlike a gas mask. His breathing was audible. He wore all black, and a black cape.
"You will no longer go by your previous name," said Hitler. "From here on, thy name shalt be Darth Rikon."
Darth Rikon raised his arm in the Nazi salute.
Team Witcher had arrived at the place where Iorverth had determined the location of the shaking to be.
It was a small town.
The sign at the entrance (which had fallen over due to the shaking) read:
OUR STARS, POP. 22
"What a random name for a town. Our Stars," said Ciri.
They walked into the shaking town. All 22 houses had fallen down to rubble.
"What is causing the shaking?" asked Geralt.
"I think there's a faultline," said Iorverth.
"A fault in Our Stars?" said Geralt.
"Yes, there is a fault in Our Stars," replied Iorverth.
"How do we fix it?" asked Geralt.
"With magick, I guess," said Iorverth.
Geralt tore open the ground with magick, to reveal a subduction zone.
He then took one tectonic plate in one of his hands, and the other in his other hand. With all of his magick might, he repaired the faultline.
The earthquake came to an end.
Geralt sat back, covered in sweat. His job was done. Unfortunately, the 22 people who used to live in Our Stars had still died from the collapsing houses.
Team Witcher decided they would set up camp in the vicinity. It was becoming night.
Team Witcher stayed in Our Stars for almost an entire day. They buried the dead people. And they sat down and rested.
2 hours before night the next day, Team Witcher was having dinner.
Ciri pulled a leg of chicken out of her bag.
"Ooh chicken!" said Lady Feudalism.
"I love chicken!" said Iorverth.
Ciri took a big bite out of the chicken leg. Geralt vomited.
"Why would you do that?" asked Geralt.
"Do what?" asked Ciri.
"Eat chicken," replied Geralt.
"But chicken is tasty," said Ciri.
Geralt vomited again. "You can't eat chicken!"
"Why?" they all asked.
"Because... well..." Geralt stuttered. "It's something rather embarrassing that I haven't really mentioned to you lot," said Geralt.
"What?" asked Ciri.
"I... well..."
"Used... to be..."
"A... uh... chicken."
"lol" said Ciri.
"ayy lmao" said Iorverth.
"Ha ha ha," said Lady Feudalism.
They then proceeded to eat a whole lot of chicken.
As night fell, Team Witcher heard some heavy breathing from behind. Sounded like somebody breathing through a mask.
They turned around, to come face to face with -
Darth Rikon!
"Time to meet your doom, Witcher," said Rikon.
He drew a lightsaber
and
attacked.
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XIX
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK