The Witcher: Part XIX
The Empire Strikes Back
Previously, on The Witcher:
Team Witcher is staying in the town of Our Stars. And then, they were attacked by Hitler's new assassin, Darth Rikon!
He looks like Vader. He even has a lightsaber!
How will our heroes make it out of this predicament?
The speed of Rikon's attack was as fast as a flash of lightning (not a hyperbole).
Geralt swiftly drew his golden sword, and reinforced it such that it would not be destroyed by Rikon's lightsaber.
And Geralt and Rikon did duel.
Ciri and Iorverth and Lady Feudalism sat back and observed the spectacle of sword against lightsaber.
Two minutes and twenty-two seconds later, Ciri made a comment.
"Look at Rikon's hand," she said. "He has six fingers on one of his hands! Lol."
"Look at the shape of his boot," said Lady Feudalism stroking her chin as if she had a beard. "I'd bet that he has six toes on one of his legs."
"So he has eleven fingers and eleven toes?" said Iorverth. "That's weird."
Meanwhile, Geralt fought off the attack of Darth Rikon.
"Why are you attacking me?" asked Geralt.
"The Führer sent me," replied Rikon.
"He wants me to ensure your death."
Geralt attempted to use magick to gain the upper hand, but Rikon was somehow able to resist.
"How are you able to resist my magick?" asked Geralt as he dodged a blow from the red lightsaber.
"The power of magickek was granted to me from the Führer," said Rikon.
He dodged a blow from Geralt's sword and jumped in the air.
"How is that possible?" asked Geralt, as he rolled out of the way from the jumping attack.
"The Führer found me in a weakened state," said Rikon as he started cutting down large trees, which began to fall down on top of Geralt.
"I had been hit by a vehicle," he continued, as Geralt shot lightning at him.
"I was just a brain and a spinal cord," he said as he deflected Geralt's lightning with his lightsaber.
"But my Führer... he saved me," said Rikon as the deflected lightning was redeflected back at him.
"He gave me a new body." Rikon jumped up into a tree.
"How can you magickek?" said Geralt as he jumped up to join Rikon in the tree.
"My Führer created a small prokaryotic organism," said Rikon as he blocked a blow from Smite.
"An organism which can confer the powers of magickek. It is called the midi-chlorian." Geralt slashed at Rikon.
"He created a new blood stream for me, and he injected 2.2 million midi-chlorians into me," Rikon said as he pushed Geralt from the tree.
Geralt fell 72.178 feet towards the ground.
Severus Hitler, Communist O'Lenin, and Christian Grey all crouched underneath a bush watching an army of Nazi Elf Draugr pass by.
"Cold and calculated moves," said Severus.
"I'm going to take out that entire army with only one magickek spell," he said.
"But how?" asked Grey and O'Lenin.
"There was an earthquake recently, with a PGA of 3.3," said Severus. "The earthquake naturally caused a tsunami just off the nearby coastline. I'm going to use the tsunami to my advantage."
After little over a third of an hour, a giant wave appeared on the horizon.
"Now, Nazi Elf Draugr can survive the tsunami itself," said Severus.
"But not if there is concentrated hydrogen cyanide dissolved in the water..."
Severus laughed.
As the wave moved in, Severus cast his spell.
"But what about us?" asked O'Lenin.
"This is the clever part," said Severus.
"We are around 13.67 miles away from where the epicentre of the earthquake was."
"And by my calculations, the tertiary wave will be passing through this point just as the tsunami passes over us, creating a bubble protecting us."
And when the tsunami arrived, the ground shook slightly as Severus predicted, and the wave passed harmlessly over them.
The same could not be said for the Nazi Elf Draugr, who were all dead.
Geralt hit the ground with a thud.
It hurt.
Darth Rikon jumped down also.
The weight of his black armour was so much that it caused the ground to collapse beneath them.
Geralt and Darth Rikon fell into a cave.
They slowly stood up.
Rikon's lightsaber illuminated the entire cave with soft red lighting.
And then Geralt and Rikon clashed again.
Ciri, Iorverth and Lady Feudalism sat awkwardly in their camp.
"Anybody want fried chicken?" asked Ciri.
Lady Feudalism scowled.
"Eating chicken was perfectly fine before," said Ciri.
The sound of sword against lightsaber echoed through the cave.
The cave was very dank and water dripped from the cave roof.
Rikon lunged in a stabbing motion.
Geralt jumped up in a backflip, dodging it.
Rikon sliced at him four times
and then eight times more
and then five times more
and then three times more
But Geralt dodged every one.
Rikon sliced again, this time horizontally, causing Geralt to backflip.
Geralt moved up into the air, and as he did, Rikon sliced one final time. The slice struck Geralt's back.
He screamed in pain, and fell to the ground, motionless.
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XX
THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST