The Witcher: Part XX
The Wicked Witch Of The West
Previously, on The Witcher:
Geralt fought Darth Rikon. And then Darth Rikon struck his back.
How will our hero make it out of this predicament?
Geralt lay down on the cave floor. He felt a searing pain in his back.
He had been wounded.
He slowly stood up.
"You chicken," said Darth Rikon.
Geralt looked down at the floor. His sword had fallen to the ground.
"You are now defenseless," said Darth Rikon.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" he said.
And then he attacked once more.
Geralt thought he was almost beaten.
And then, he realised a way to defeat Darth Rikon. There was a stalactite right above Rikon's head.
Geralt cast a magick spell, and his sword, Smite, whirled up into his hand. As it flew through the air, it cut through the stalactite.
And it fell upon Darth Rikon.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" said Darth Rikon in pain.
He was pinned to the ground by the stalactite, which had gone through his chest.
"Finish me," said Darth Rikon. "Adolf Hitler will not let me suffer this defeat."
"No," said Geralt. Darth Rikon looked at the stalactite impaling him.
"It hurts... please... kill me... my..."
And then he passed out.
Geralt, ever considerate, pulled the stalactite out, and lay Darth Rikon on the side of the cavern, and healed his chest wound. And then Geralt flew back up out of the hole back into the overworld.
Back in Our Stars, it was 5:22 am when Geralt returned.
Team Witcher was already up, eating breakfast. They had seven pies.
"I defeated Darth Rikon," said Geralt victoriously.
They all celebrated, and managed to eat all seven pies before 5:44am.
And then they jumped on the magick carpet and flew off towards their next exciting adventure.
Unfortunately, it was about 132 seconds later when their next exciting adventure came towards them, in the form of a giant titanium torpedo.
They plummeted towards the ground and landed in a grassy field.
"Where are we?" asked Geralt.
"According to this map, we are in the battleground of Xixi," replied Ciri.
"What's Xixi?"
Lady Feudalism and Iorverth, the only two who had some knowledge of Rivian geography, looked worried.
"The battleground of Xixi is a giant round field in which the four empires send their armies to do battle," said Iorverth. "They have been at war for 22 years."
"The four empires are the North, the South, the East, and the West."
"And they fight over the Tower of Xixi in the centre of battleground."
They suddenly saw another titanium land torpedo being fired towards them.
Geralt destroyed with a slash of his magick-infused sword.
The army who had fired the torpedo marched towards Team Witcher. Their leader was a thug-like human with dark skin.
He waved a flag with their insignia: a black square next to a white square next to two black squares, next to a white square.
"On behalf of the Empire of the West, I order you to surrender," he said.
"I am Kanye West, Prince of the Empire of West," he then said, as his army put Team Witcher in chains.
"Why aren't we fighting back?" asked Ciri.
"I want to meet the person in charge of this empire," whispered Geralt. "And maybe then I can end this war."
Then, over the hills, there came another army from the east. They were also lead by a dark skinned muggle.
"My archenemy, Kanye East," said Kanye West.
They exchanged torpedoes, and the armies of West and East went into battle.
Team Witcher watched from the small carriage they had been stuffed into.
At the end of the skirmish (which did not have a decisive victor), Kanye West returned and then took Team Witcher back to the Empire of the West.
"I want to see your leader," said Geralt to Kanye West when they arrived.
"That'll be my mother," he said. "She is the executioner of all criminals anyway, so you'll be seeing her soon enough."
"What? We're being executed?" said Lady Feudalism, outraged.
"Yep. I saw you and didn't like you so now you're gonna die," said Kanye West.
Two hours and twelve minutes later, Team Witcher found themselves in the execution hall.
A crowd of around 220 had gathered to see the executions.
"Ladies and gentlemen," began Kanye West. "May I introduce, the executioner..."
"My mother..."
"Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West!"
An old woman with green facepaint and a large axe hobbled in.
"She's not a witch!" said Geralt.
"Mother," said Kanye West. "I want you to kill these imbeciles I found."
"Okay," said Elphaba.
She was senile and not very nimble, as she hobbled up to the stage. On the axe, there was the same insignia: black, white, black black, and white squares.
"I know you're thinking about escaping," she said to Geralt. "And I know you've figured I'm not a real witch."
"There is nonetheless no escape," she said, smiling. "This hall is surrounded by seventeen experienced witches and five master witches to prevent your escape."
Geralt then tried to talk, but realised he couldn't move.
"Your magick can't stand against my political power!" she said.
And then she raised the axe towards Lady Feudalism.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed, as she swung the axe towards Lady Feudalism's head.
TO BE CONTINUED
IN
THE WITCHER: PART XXI
THE RISE OF THE XIXI